ohh, something tells me that theirs about to be trouble in paradise. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. PMS

Hey!

I know it's taken me forever to catch myself up on the story. Things have been insanely busy, and I for some reason decided to take summer classes.

I will say that I do think your writing does improve a lot as the story progresses. I particularly liked the part where Fantasia painted Chris's fingernails. That was cute :)

For me personally, I don't like fanfiction being brought up within fanfiction so I wasn't too into Joey reading the vizzys, but it's an interesting idea. I also kind of want more drama, more at stake. They all seem to be pretty happy. I want to see something stir things up a little.

I've only read the first couple chapters so far (I've been busy with end of school and whatnot), but I do think you've got some things going for you. First of all, you're writing group fiction, which is such a rarity these days. Second, I think the idea you've got is workable. I'm always into reading het stories that are well conceived and well developed.

However, I don't think you're quite there with the "developed" part. You've been working on this for 6 years, but I'm curious what exactly that means. Have you been working with the idea for 6 years (ie, rewriting, reworking) or did you write the first chapter 6 years ago? I'd really like to know as the story progresses if your writing is changing over a 6 year period or if you've written all this recently. Thus far, Fantasia is coming off a bit Mary Sue and she doesn't seem to have a lot of depth just yet. Her arrival into the story and their acceptance of her seems a bit rushed as well.

Also, as another reviewer mentioned, the formatting is really distracting. It's seriously something you need to look into correcting because it turns readers away. It's really easy to fix and will do you a world of good. If you need help, please let me know.

I think you've got potential, and the idea has got potential, but I also think it needs a lot of work. If you see my comments as pompous and egotisical, I completely understand and you're perfectly in your rights to delete my review and forget all about me. But I would love to help you improve this story, and I'd be willing to help you if you'd be willing to put in the work. You can email me (bubblepop425@hotmail.com) if you're interested or respond to the review.

As I said, I can see how I might come off as rude or self absorbed and I get that. If you don't appreciate my comments, please just delete them and leave it at that.

hi i like the concept of your story, but i can't help but make some constructive critcisms to get more people reading your story :]

well first, don't write in huge paragraphs, a lot of people here are big into the whole grammatically correct thing, and hate seeing all this dialogue in one piece.  Plus, it makes it easier to see who is talking during dialogue.Your intro should be written something like this:

"He did WHAT!?!" Chris shrieked.  It was two weeks before *Nsync’s POP ODESSEY tour was to start and their masseur and physical therapist, Dale, had just quit.

 "How are we going to find somebody on such short notice?" Lance asked.

 "And who’s going to fix my back?" Justin whined.

"We’re working on that right now." their manager, Johnney, said trying to calm the guys down.

 "Besides, you guys have rehearsal." their choreographer, Wade, interrupted.

The guys followed Wade to the rehearsal hall and Johnney went back to work. Twelve hours later the five exhausted guys drug themselves out of the rehearsal hall. They were all ready to go home, but Johnney stopped them.

"Great news guys! We found you a new physical therapist. And even better, she starts first thing in the morning." "

She?" Joey asked with a grin.

"Yes, Joey. It’s a she, but don’t get any ideas. I don’t want you hitting on her as soon as you meet her. Understand?" Johnney replied.

"Ok." Joey replied glumly.

You get my drift, if not, feel free to check out one of my stories or to ask me more questions :]