Pure – Chapter 1

People look at me differently calling me different names. Slut, whore, hooker, prostitute. That’s all I’ve been hearing. But I deserve that, I deserve it all because that’s what I am . Dressed in knee high boots, mini skirt, and a tight ass spaghetti strap top. My belly button pierced, hair loose, nails painted red. That’s all part of the job, to lure the men in. It’s probably the easiest shit to do if you got the looks but you’re marked, scarred. It makes you feel dirty. I hate it. It’s 10:30pm on Saturday night. I’d already gotten dressed in my skimpiest. My door opens.

“C’mon bitch, time to go.” It’s Stu my boss. That’s what he always calls me. I follow him and close the door behind me. Down the squeaky, rusty, stairs out through the back door. Stu get’s into his pickup. I step outside the cold air hitting my face and all of my bare exposed skin. It’s fucking freezing. But Stu won’t hear that shit. I climb into the passenger seat. Stu starts the truck.

“So tonight’s a good night, all of them fuckers out partying. Drunk, high, and loaded.” He says this without looking at me. “You better not fuck up.”

“I never fuck up.” I tell him “You know that.” That shuts him up. We drive through the dark empty streets of L.A. For a Saturday night it’s damn empty. Stu stops in front of a building covered in graffiti. I can hear some rap song blasting from inside. This is the place to be on a night like tonight. I get out and slam the door. Turn to face the building.

“Pick me up at one” I tell Stu. Then I walk up to the metal doors and into the elevator. The party was up at the top floor. From the moment I walk into that party I have to own it. I have to make all the other sluts jealous and all the men lusting after me. If I don’t then I won’t get shit. The elevator stops. I close my eyes. Work it sky, you can do this inhale, exhale. The doors part open I step out. The smell of pot hits my face hard. I hate that shit. Then I walk again. Walk with confidence. Tell myself I’m the shit and make everyone believe that. I can sense eyes following me as I walk to the back and sit down on an empty sofa, legs crossed. Now I wait, it won’t take long. It doesn’t take two minutes. Someone comes over and sits down next to me.

“Hey baby.” He says handing me a drink. I take it and chug it down feeling the alcohol and whatever shit was in that drink going down my throat.

“Whoa bitch!” he exclaims laughing. He reeks of pot. I look at him licking his lips, eyes bloodshot.

“So how much?” he asks

“How much you got?” I ask him

“Enough for me to get in your pants.” He says sneering. He pulls out his wallet flashing some one hundred dollar bills. I smile.

“Alright then.” I get up “C’mon”.

              I take him to one of the bedrooms available there. The only thing in them was a bed. He locks the door turns around and looks at me. Horney bastard. This is the part where I’m not in control anymore. I just follow in his steps. He presses his mouth hard on mine, licking me. Taking my clothes off roughly. He makes me pleasure him, making him hard. Then I just lay down as he gets ready to fuck me. This is where I go numb. I don’t feel him inside me. I don’t feel any pleasure at all. But I hear him grunting and moaning, enjoying it. I don’t know anything about this guy that’s all over me right now. Not even his name. It makes me cringe when I think back to all the times I’ve let this happen to me. To me there’s a difference between getting fucked and making love.  Getting fucked I’m numb but making love makes my entire body tingle with pleasure. I’ve only felt like that a few times. With the same guy, who to this day I still love. So while no name is fucking me as hard as he can, I can only think of making love to him. The only reason I can get through this night and all the other nights. Why I face all the shit that gets thrown to me. Why I am who I am today. The only reason is for Justin. 

       I had a pretty fucked up childhood, which I guess is pretty normal for people in my situation. But that’s not half the story. Up until I was about eleven years old I had a pretty normal life. Looking back I realize that I was just too young and naïve to look past the perfection. I was an only child, getting whatever I wanted. In other words I was a spoiled brat. When you’re that young you never think into the future, you never think of what will happen you only think of what you want to happen. It wasn’t so much my mom, who kept it inside for god knows how long, it was my dad.

All his fucking secrets messed everything up. My mom dropped it on me without warning, telling me about his double life. Telling me where half the money they make goes. I had never questioned him about why we still lived in a one bedroom apartment all that didn’t bother me. He still bought me whatever I wanted that was all that mattered at the time. But when I hit my teenage years I learned so much I never wanted to hear. He has another family, another wife and kids. I could not believe my fucking ears. My mom tells me all this secretly without him knowing. I wanted her to shut up so bad. After that day I never looked or thought of him the same. I’ve known this guy since I was born that’s what I thought but no he knew me since I was born. I didn’t know any shit about him. What was he like before he became my father? I don’t know. He became a stranger to me.

My mom was just sad. I could not stay in the same room with that woman. If I did all she did was complain about him doesn’t she realize that I don’t wanna hear that shit. I still don’t understand why she didn’t leave him, couldn’t she see he was just using her for money and sex. God she was so blind. But I felt bad for her, how couldn’t I. But I couldn’t do anything to stop it that drove me insane. After that it was basically like three strangers living together. I closed them both out, I couldn’t take their shit. My teenage years were just so fucking insane I can’t believe half the shit I did. I had been flying solo since I was a freshman but then in my senior year I met Rob.

I don’t remember half of that night I was just there not wanting to stay in my fucking house. He came up to me.

“Hey, your Sky right?” he says to me all smiling

“Yeah, do I know you?” I ask

“I’m not sure, but I know you.” He gives me a smile, one of those jerk smiles. “The names Rob”

After that he would not leave me alone. He was like a freaking stalker, following my every move. I finally gave in to him one day. Regret that so much. Being with Rob made me so confused. He treated me like my dad once had. Making me feel like a princess. I was so attached to him thinking that I was in love. How could I not see behind his perfection?

He calls me one night at 11:00 “Sky come over”. That was the first of the many nights that I snuck out. Thinking that if I didn’t go he would leave me. That scared that shit out of me. Rob had his own apartment, I’d been there before. When I arrived he acted as he always did, taking my coat, giving me a drink. We sat down on the coach and got to making out. That’s about as far as we’d ever gone. He told me he would wait. It was getting pretty heated but it felt really good. I felt his hand’s go up my thigh and at my breasts. Making me uncomfortable.

“Rob, we should stop.” I say

“Why?” he asks not looking up

“I’m not ready, you know that” I tell him. He still looking down and then I just see him snap. He looks up his face red.

“Fuck that shit you’re my girl, your gonna do what I tell you to!” he screams it in my face. I was in pure shock at his behavior. He takes his shirt off. Pick me up from the coach and throws me in his bed. Takes his jeans off and then he’s on top of me.

“What the hell Rob!” I scream “Get off of me!” I struggle below his weight. Trying to throw him off me but he’s too strong.

“Shut the fuck up bitch!” he screams and then wham! He strikes me on my face so hard tears come out of my eyes. After that I don’t remember much. He kept hitting me and then I black out. When I finally wake up, I feel like shit. I’m naked still on Rob’s bed. I look around and see my clothes thrown around the room, and an empty condom wrapper. Rob was sitting in front of the TV. I put my clothes on but even after I do I feel so exposed. When I walk into the living room he looks up at me. He smiles that same jerk smile. He pats the seat next to him on the coach. I sit feeling dizzy.

“Sky I love you.” He says looking straight into my eyes. And then he leans in and kisses me. I don’t feel a thing.

Pure- Chapter 3

       “Sky where going to Seth’s party tonight.” He called to tell me “Come around at 10”. Then he hangs up. So what was I doing tonight? I was going to Seth’s party, with Rob. It was hammered into my brain. At nine I got dressed then made my way downstairs. My dad wasn’t home, hadn’t been for days. My mom was cooking dinner. I could smell it, roast chicken and fresh baked bread. She’s humming to herself, looking like a normal happy mom. I don’t know why she bother’s. She’s just going to have to eat it alone. I slink past the kitchen; she doesn’t notice me lastly none has. She hasn’t bothered to look after me, to see how I was. She doesn’t notice my bruises or my marks. I was invisible, replaced in her mind by her ideal daughter, a part of her ideal family that never existed.

       I walk out of the house into the chilly November air, walking briskly through the familiar streets to Rob’s apartment. When I get there he is already in his car waiting for me. I get in to the passenger seat.

       “Why are you late?” he asks staring straight ahead. I look over at his dashboard the clock read 10:35. Shit. “You better start getting your head out of those fucking clouds!”

       “Rob I’m sorry, I just…my mom...”

       “Look, I don’t give a shit about your mom” he says “I told you to be here at 10, I can’t wait on your ass forever” His hands where gripping the steering wheel. When he’s all tight like this anything I say won’t matter. How the fuck could I be so stupid.

       “Bitch, I’m waiting for an answer” He looks at me with that messed up face. I can’t look back at him. He grips my wrist twisting it, then pinning me to the door. “You better not be fucking with someone else!” he shouts.

No words come out of my mouth. “Yeah that’s right; you better not open your big fucking mouth!” He sneers “I know you ain’t got the guts to fuck with anyone but me, you’re my girl.” He leans in and kisses me hard. Then starts the car and we drive to Seth’s house in silence. Rob like’s control, control over anything and everyone. I felt like I was stuck with him.

       We always have to show up at parties side by side just for everyone to know where together, he holds my hand tight making his claim on me. To anyone looking at us it would seem like everything is fine in our relationship, they would never realize that were just fooling them or rather I was just fooling them. I don’t have a clue what going on inside Rob’s twisted mind. He goes over to his boys; they acknowledge me with a nod. When I was with Rob I’m a puppet and he is the puppet master. The only time I didn’t feel like that was when the alcohol hit my lips, that’s what I look forward to at these parties the free booze. Rob was chatting up his group talking about the latest football play or something. I go inside Seth’s house which looked trashed, not that he cared. I walked past him, beer in hand surrounded by sluts.

       Loud rock music was blasting from the speakers. Everyone was engrossed in their own activities. Drinking, making out, getting high, grinding and some passed out on the floor. I go to the back and find the table of beer bottles. I grab one and pop it open letting the cold, hard, liquid go down my throat. I don’t think about the aftermath, I just let the moment surround me. My mind foggy and my body loose.

“I’ve got another confession to make I’m your fool”

        The song screams out of the speakers. The beat coming in, loud in my ears. It feels good.

“Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
you trust, you must
confess
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?”

          My arms flying over my head, I feel free letting the music take over me. I get on a table, closing my eyes. Floating in mid air, I go deep in my own world. Free nothing to hold me back I wish I could stay like that forever. Then I’m falling, falling through the sky the wind in my face. Something stops me from hitting the ground, catching me. Wrapping around my body, its warmth protecting me.

        -- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

       I feel something wet on my face, seeping into my closed eyes. I open them and see the night sky filled with millions of stars. What the hell.

       “Hey you alright?” says a voice that I didn’t recognize. My head was throbbing and my body aching, I felt something creeping up my throat. Oh shit. I sit up and hurl on the grass. I feel hands on my back, soothing me. It made me think back to a similar scenario. I was sick with the flue, my mom soothing me the same way as my head was in the toilet. After I’m done I feel completely empty.

       “Hear drink some water.” The hands push a bottle of Poland Spring to my face. I take it, my hands unsteady. Our fingers brushed against each other for a second.

       “Thanks” I say finally turning around. He looked right back at me, his expression soft, smile on his face, eyes filled with uncertainty. I’d never seen him before in my life but I found myself wanting to tell him everything.

       “Uhhh” I didn’t know how to respond to him.

       “C’mon Sky” He says to me, holding out his hand. I take it as he pulls me up. I was still a little tipsy. We stood there together, him holding my hand and the stars surrounding us. I take that moment in.

       “How do you know my name?” I ask him. He looks at me blinking; he seemed transfixed by the stars.

       “Rob told me about you.” he replies. Just like that the moment passes and I come back to reality. Seth’s party was still in full swing behind us. He was still looking at me, holding my hand. I look at him too.