Behind the Mask The Cast 

 Penelope Asherbee

Justin Timberlake

Jude Law

Valora Francis 

The Makeup Team 

Corbin Scott

Raven Harris

Holly Douglas 

The Asherbee Clan 

Eleanor Asherbee

Sergean Asherbee

The Southern Sunrise Cast 

William H. Macy

Melissa Leo

 John Hammond

Rachel McAdams 

Clark Jones 

I see things that many people don’t – jumbo sized pores, unholy blemishes, bothersome birthmarks, and sneaky wrinkles. But with a wave and swoop of my magic brush, it all gets covered and no one but me and the face in question knows of the imperfections that were at hand before my cavalcade of cosmetics saved the day. I am the super hero of the beauty world – more importantly the celebrity beauty world – well now I should say, ‘was.’

A few wrong brushstrokes and snips of the tweezers saw Lindsay Lohan on the ‘Worst Dressed List with an Emphasis in Poor Makeup.’ And before you could say ‘jail time,’ my good name was dragged through Hollywood mud. You may think that all Miss Lilo cares about is where she’ll get her next snort of blow from, but her opinion on a good make-up artist carries a lot of swag in such a small community of starlets. As far as they’re concerned, having my hands anywhere near their plastic faces is just as bad as having gravity and old age rubbing against them.

Thankfully the Disney Studios took pity on me and hired me as a make up artist for their live action films. Much to my remaining friend’s chagrin, I was flown down to the Caribbean for three months of applying fake beards on extras for this little film called Pirates of the Caribbean. And then the unthinkable happened – the head make up artist went on sudden maternity leave and I was the only one capable of handing the trio.

Bloom. Depp. Knightley.

If you put those names together before the release of Pirates it probably wouldn’t mean anything. Now, it makes goth high school girls squeal with delight and grown men wish they were pirates. And because I was able to apply black eyeliner on men just right, I was thrown back into the daily grind of being one of Hollywood’s go to make up designers. Of course, I didn’t go back to making people beautiful – quite the contrary. I guess the Disney people saw I had more to give and instead of keeping me to make up the faces of the up and coming teen idols, they sent me out into the world of Studio Make Up Design with a butt load of references and the promise that if it didn’t work out – I could always come back and poke Johnny Depp with an eye pencil for a slated fourth film

At this point in my career I’m in the weird transitional period between films. I finished up a gory vampire drama almost a month ago and the three weeks leading up to tomorrow was all pre-production and design meetings with the crew for a new Fox Searchlight production. My days have been spent talking to the head of the costume department, the assistant director, the producers, and all the boring stuff that normal people just don’t care about. I’m a geek and a slave to my craft, what else can I say?

Today, I was getting the make-up trailer squared away for tomorrow when principal photography begins. Tomorrow is the big day – meeting the cast, starting the filming, and getting the lay of the land for the next three months. It really does feel like it’s the eve of the first day of school. I just have to make sure I get some sleep tonight.

Although when I spot the VW van that is a rare commodity in my life next to my parking space as I pull up to my place in Topanga Canyon, I have a feeling sleep is going to be very limited.

The smell of pot hits me full force as I open the door to the small house I share with my older sister Eleanor. I roll my eyes as I throw my keys onto the entry way table. My sister doesn’t usually touch the stuff, which can only mean one thing...

Pepper is staying over. Again.

“Dude…” his voice sounds from the living room as I set my purse down on the kitchen table, “is that you, Pen? You gotta try this kush, totally top notch.

I make my way into the room, watching as my brother Pepper takes a hit off his pipe before exhaling through an empty paper towel roll stuffed with dryer sheets. At least he’s making an effort to keep the pungent smell mountain spring fresh.

“Maybe later, Pep,” I mumble as I sit down in the chair next to the couch he’s occupying, “Where’s Elle?"

“Office? I think…” his voice is foggy before he starts to giggle, “working on a rewrite.”

“How long you crashing here for?” I ask. He gives a noncommittal shrug, his floppy blonde hair falling into his line of sight. He takes another hit off his pipe and sets it down on the coffee table. I know he’s going to be worthless to talk to, so I opt for better company.

Passing that stairs that would take me up to our bedrooms, I head towards the small den that serves as Elle’s work station. I lean against the doorframe, staring at my sister’s back as the glow from the computer screen illuminates her silhouette.

 Eleanor writes scripts and is a pick up writer for a bunch of different major network shows. The woman is so attached to her computer, I think it’s the only honest relationship she’s ever had. Her writing is her marriage and only relationship.

 “You really should turn on a light,” I announce as I flip a light switch, “you’ll ruin your eye sight.”

 Elle turns around looking slightly miffed that I interrupted her creative flow. She smiles softly, however, and moves her line of sight away from her work.

 “When did you get in?”

 “Just now. Pepper?” I question.

 “Few days. Work?”

 “Uneventful,” I grin at my older sister. We’re lucky enough to have that sibling bond where just a look, a word, or a nod conveys an entire conversation. The woman is my best friend, “I meet the cast tomorrow.”

 “Well good luck with that, I certainly don’t envy you,” she responds before turning her focus back to her work. She is so goal oriented and fixated on her job that I have a hard time wondering why she doesn’t already have awards and nominations out the ass.

 I head back towards the living room, hoping Pepper has loaded another bowl. I have this sinking feeling that this upcoming production is going to be one hell of a stressful time.

 I’m a part of a world where almost everyone has a hidden agenda. The people of Hollywood do one thing, but the subtext is a completely different story. If you don’t fall perfectly into their assembly line, then you aren’t worth their time. I’ve managed to stay true to who I am this long, and hopefully after this stint with Fox Searchlight, I’ll be able to finally retire from the film industry and focus on my own make up line.

 Because the longer I stay, the more I think the legions of Hollywood are dragging me down with them.

 As soon as this film, Southern Sunrise, wraps, I’m retiring from film.

 Period.

 --

 The first day of principal photography always makes me nervous.

 I don’t know why. I’ve met the cast, I’ve met most of the upper echelon of the crew, I have a good understanding of my character, and I know I don’t suck because the studio picked me to take on the role.

 Maybe because no matter how many films I have under my belt, it still seems almost completely foreign to me. My world is music, stages, and thousands of screaming women every single night. No boom mikes, gaffers, and pick ups. Granted, I’ve gotten a lot better at this sort of thing and it isn’t that much different from shooting a music video. Well the last time I checked, music videos only take three days to shoot, not three and a half months.

 Or maybe it’s just this particular type of film. I’ve done my share of dramatic roles, but this is far different from anything I’ve tackled. I’m not a lead by any means – I’ve always shied away from the lead roles because while I think I can handle that kind of pressure, I really don’t want the whole crux of the film on my shoulders.

 I know, hard to grasp: Justin Timberlake afraid of tackling a leading role in a big film – maybe a few years from now when I’ve gotten more parts under my belt.

 But this movie is different. For one, I’m really stepping outside of my comfort zone. Most of the roles I’ve done have been comedic, or run of the mill kind of guys thrown into a really sticky situation. My character for this film, Nathan Trent, is in a sticky situation…one I would never want to be in for as long as I live.

 Then again, his situation would never happen to me because: A – My family is not really a strict, conservative, radical southern family and B – I’m not gay.

  My agent came to me almost half a year ago with a script that he said would, ‘secure my place in the upper hierarchal ladder of young Hollywood.’ The film was Southern Sunrise – a tale of a close knit, deep-seated family living in the heart of Mississippi. The oldest daughter brings her liberal, free thinking fiancé home from California to meet the family for Thanksgiving. Her grandfather still thinks the South is in the Civil War (and winning), her mother is a God fearing, Baptist Sunday school teacher, and the father is a close minded bigot with possible ties to the KKK who would rather die than admit he’s wrong about anything. The daughter has to deal with her two younger siblings and the problems they’re going through as well. There’s her younger sister, Gabby, who is the town darling, who wants to get out of the small town they reside in, but an addiction to crack keeps her from every getting out. Then her brother Nathan (that would be me!) brings his best friend from graduate school home for Thanksgiving and it isn’t until later in the film that the audience learns the best friend in question is really his lover.

 Yeah, a real crazy family drama, but something that my agent thought I should get my hands into all the same. For a while we were pushing for me to play the part of the fiancé because it has some great comedic moments, but for some reason I wanted to step into Nathan’s shoes, wanted to try something different.

 So cue me doing screen tests and finally signing on to the project.

 And as the caravan of cars carrying my entourage and me pull into the Fox Studio lots, I can’t help but feel nervous as hell.

 “Justin, hey perk up,” Rachel, my cousin, nudges me, breaking my concentration on line running. I turn to look at her and see that our car has stopped in front of a small army of golf carts. There’s a young woman standing next to one, looking slightly anxious. She’s holding onto a clipboard that looks as thick as the Bible and she’s mumbling into a headset.

 “Welcome to the studios, Mr. Timberlake!” she exclaims excitedly as puts the clipboard under her arm to extend a hand, “I’m Leslie, one of the Production Assistants and I’ll be showing you around the set this morning. Can we get you anything waiting for you in your trailer? Coffee? Soda? Water?”

 “No. I’m fine,” I state. The one thing I hate about the first days is that everyone starts to kiss your ass and only cares about making sure you are pleased as punch to be here. Of course, I’m happy as hell to be given this opportunity, but the fact of the matter is – brownnosing gets old after a while.

 “Great then let’s get started!” she grins as she leads me over to the largest cart. Soon we’re zooming between the enormous sound stages, Leslie pointing out where everything is. I’m only half listening, I’m still going over the lines in my head. Besides, Rachel is apying attention to everything.

 “And here is the cast lounge,” Leslie states with a flourish as we end our tour, the cart coming to a stop in front of a large white tent, “Mr. Kinney, your director, wanted this set up for today so you could get reacquainted before you go into makeup.”

 Hopping out of the cart, I wave goodbye to Rachel as the PA zooms off in the cart to take my cousin to my trailer. I make my way into the tent and see that most of the cast has already assembled. The cast is all star at best, and I can’t quite believe I was able to land a role with such a great caliber of actors.

 Rachel McAdams is the lead and is currently in deep conversation with Jude Law, who will be playing her fiancé. William Macy, Melissa Leo, and John Hammond (Nathan’s father, mother, and grandfather respectively) are situated on plush couches, sipping on coffee and laughing about something that happened at the Golden Globes eons ago. The only two people left are standing at opposite ends of the room. The woman is screeching into her cell phone and the man is looking like he wants to be involved with the rest of the conversation, but has no idea how to go about doing it.

 Those two would be Clark Jones and Valora Francis – Nathan’s lover and sister. Clark looks absolutely beside himself with relief as he stalks up to me and shakes my hand. Valora gives me a dismissive look before she rushes from the tent, muttering into her phone.

 “Thank God you’re here…I was afraid I was going to have to engage her in actual conversation,” Clark whispers to me as he leads me over to the rest of the actors who are all smiling in our direction, “she’s been yelling about getting a bigger trailer since she got here.”

 I’m about to give him a witty retort when a runner comes bursting into the cast lounge, “I need Luke, Nathan, Bethany, and Gabby in make up please!” I give Clark an apologetic look as I leave him to talk with Will, Melissa, and John. I meet Jude and Rachel at the entrance, the runner looking three shades of green.

 “Where’s Miss Francis?”

 “I think she went to her trailer,” Rachel offers and the runner adds a fourth shade of green to his already waning face.

 “We’re already behind schedule. You know where the make up trailer is?” Jude and Rachel nod and I just stand there looking like an idiot, “Tell Penelope that Miss Francis will be along shortly.” And before we can say anything else, he runs off towards the trailers, looking like a most aggrieved White Rabbit.

 “Shall we get going then?” Jude asks before he turns on his heels and walks towards a line of trailers just down the wide corridor between Soundstage 24 and 25. I cast a wayward glance at Rachel who just smiles and starts off right behind our English co-star.

 I guess it’s time for me to finally step into Nathan’s shoes.

2. Come Together

 It is complete and utter chaos.

 I could feel it when I woke up this morning that somehow I was going to be thrown in the center of a very large hurricane and there was very little I would be able to do to stop it from pushing me around. We haven’t even seen the actors yet and already I feel as if my whole world is going to shit.

 My other make up artists are running around like a bunch of decapitated chickens and I finally had to tell the anxious and muddled Holly Douglas to sit down in one of the salon styled chairs to clam herself down. The fact is she is so new when it comes to this that I had to help her organize which facial brushes she’d be using to accommodate Jude Law’s facial features.

 Thank the lord the rest of my team has some sense.

 I sent the third in command, Raven, to meet the more seasoned actors in wardrobe to look at the various costumes they’d be wearing today and to take Polaroids so we could respond accordingly. In this world, the way you do an actor’s face needs to compliment the colors they’re wearing. Thankfully, she just radioed to tell me the color schemes that the younger leads would be wearing for the first scene of the day.

 And then a runner called to inform me that Valora Francis would be running behind schedule and that as soon as we applied the make up and the actors were in costume, the director requested that all the actors behave and act like their characters would.

 So that means for the majority of the time I’m here, I’m going to have to deal with a conservative Baptist mother, a racist grandfather, and a bigoted secret porn loving father. Not to mention a gay son, crack head daughter, charming fiancé, and one not so screwed up daughter.

 Yeah, it’s going to be an awesome three months.

 “Penny!” Holly moans, “Which color palate am I using for Jude again?” she’s standing at one of the workstations, looking at huge array of papers strewn all over the place. Each paper has a blank face drawn on it. My job, before principal photography, was to create different palates for the different looks each role requires. Holly has managed to push them out of chronological order.

 The poor thing is such a lost cause.

 I rush over and shuffle through the papers just as the trailer door swings open. I yank out the piece of paper that shows what colors we’ll be splashing on Jude’s face and slam it down on the counter, whisking the rest of the papers out of Holly’s reach.

 “Hiya!” I say in the direction of the three people gathered in the small entrance of the trailer, “Sorry for the rush, I’m Penelope Asherbee…Penny,” I feel terrible because I’m hurrying around trying my best to get everything organized while I have three enormously famous actors loitering. I’m not even looking at them. I manage to get the papers thrown into a notebook sitting at the edge of the vanity counter. Shoving a loose piece of blonde hair out of my face, I make my way towards the entrance, extending a hand to each person.

 “Happy to be working with you,” I add, “why don’t you,” I point at Jude who seems a bit amused at all the hubbub, “Go take a seat with Holly…” a nervous squeak alerts that Holly has heard me and is more than likely shaking in her flats, “and she’ll be taking care of you for your first scene.”

 Law smiles and heads towards Holly who is twittering her name and acting all flustered as he approaches. I hope the girl can handle it or else I’m going to have to do a lot more work than need be. Thankfully, my other assistant is in the other room going through our stores of makeup.

 “Corbin!” I call over my shoulder. There’s a hell of a lot of thudding going around in the back room of the trailer and suddenly the fabulousness of Corbin Scott comes waltzing into the room, throwing the long end of a multi-colored scarf over his shoulder. The sad thing about Corbin is, he’s three years older than me and could probably be in my position – if he were more motivated and would stop going out until all hours of the night.

 “Oh hello! I didn’t realize you were all here!” he exclaims as he throws his hands together in excitement. I watch as Timberlake and McAdams exchange a quick knowing glance before Corbin flamboyantly throws his hand around for all to shake, “Who’s my victim?” he asks me.

 “Why don’t you take Miss McAdams? The palates are…”

 “Got it,” Corbin responds as he picks up the notebook and whisks Rachel McAdams away in a flurry of ‘Mean Girls was my Pretty in Pink,’ chatter.

 “Bloody hell,” I mutter under my breath as I push more hair out of my face. I need to tie it back more securely next time.

 “Long day?” I’ve almost forgotten that Timberlake is still standing there and I give a little start at his sudden comment.

 “Yes, and it isn’t even ten o’clock yet,” I respond before I direct him towards the seat right next to his male co-star. He chuckles before his phone starts to beep. He leaps to attention and dutifully sends his fingers into full on texting mode.

 I’m about to pull out his own color palate when I hear the quiet little whimpers that I’ve come to associate with Holly being unsure about something.

 “Um…Pen?”

 "Yes, Holly?” I answer turning around to see Holly standing over a perplexed Mr. Law with a foundation compact in one hand and a brush in the other.

 “I’m a bit confused…”

 “Do you mind, Mr. Timberlake? It will only take a few minutes…”

 “Justin,” comes his response as he looks up from his phone, “And I don’t mind at all. Do what you gotta do.” I smile in reply and hurry over to a bumbling Holly and a still bemused Jude Law.

 “They’re doing the entrance scene today,” I explain to Holly as I gingerly take the foundation brush out of her quivering hands, “that means Mr. Law…”

 “Jude, please, Mr. Law is my father,” he responds good naturedly and with a beaming smile. For a second I almost forget I’m supposed to be doing his make up and I want nothing more than to fire back with a somewhat flirty response.

 But no, I am an employee and after my last relationship I swore off any intimate contact with the opposite sex. Stupid freaking boyfriends who think that oral sex and going halfway doesn’t mean cheating. Besides, I don’t do the actor thing.

 “Yes, Jude,” I continue, “will need palate four. Which means you need to use this,” I pull out rogue and a blush brush, “on the apple of the cheek, the tip of the nose, and a little bit on the forehead. This is late fall, and it’s windy…I’m sure you get the picture now?” I ask Holly who looks like she’s lapping up everything I’m saying.

 Without another word, I turn back towards my own charge who is still texting away and trying to grin like an idiot discreetly. “So,” I state clapping my hands together to get his attention, “You excited for the first day?”

 “I guess…” his voice fades away and I look at his reflection in the mirror. He seems perplexed and a bit embarrassed by something. I pay no mind as I get his base make up ready; it probably has something to do with whoever he’s talking to, “Look, I’m sorry…what was your name again? I’m terrible with names.”

 “It’s Penelope,” I say, “And no sweat, it’s a common name, highly forgettable…”

 “No, I think you’re the first Penelope I’ve ever met. Not so common that one…”

 “Ouch! Oh bollocks!”

 “Oh my God I’m so sorry!” My train of thought is completely derailed as a slight commotion erupts at Holly’s station. I turn around quickly and see Holly jumping from one foot to another as Jude is leaning forward, his hand clutched over his left eye. Holly looks close to tears and I watch as the eye pencil she was using falls to the floor.

 “What happened?” I ask, completely dropping my conversation with Justin. Corbin has stopped his incessant gabbing with Rachel and the two of them are watching the scene with interest. I have no idea what Justin is doing since my back is to him, “Holly, calm down and tell me what happened.”

 “She poked me with the eye pencil,” Jude responds, “its no harm done, really.”

 “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Holly says over and over again and I can see the frustrated tears brimming in her brown eyes.

 “Holly, calm down and please escort Jude to the first aid tent so he can get his eye checked out. It happens all the time and it would be good for you if you could take a few deep breaths and realize that it isn’t the end of the world. It will be if he ends up blind in one eye, though.”

 “Which I don’t think should be a problem,” he responds with a chuckle. Damn that accent is cute, “my eye sight is returning to normal.” He blinks furiously a few times, his eye still watering from the sudden fright of being attacked with an eye pencil, “but why don’t we head to that first aid tent, Holly? We can get a bit of tea along the way to calm you down.”

 “Okay,” she replies meekly before the most polite and becoming male actor I’ve had the pleasure of working with escorts her out.

 Shaking my head, I turn back towards Justin who has the biggest smirk on his face. “Sorry about that,” I respond, “First day, things are a bit haggard until we get into the swing of things.”

 “Eh, it happens,” he states with a noncommittal shrug before his phone begins to beep. He leaps to action as I grab a bit of foundation, texting a response with such fluidity you’d think his phone was an extra appendage.

 I think this man has an unhealthy obsession.

 I press the sponge to his face and begin to spread the foundation around his face. I try to ignore the face he’s making. You’d think being in a handful of movies he’d get used to the fact that make up needs to be worn. But most men try to act exceedingly manly when they’re in make up and wardrobe – especially those who have high testosterone levels.

 He manages to look away from his phone for a few minutes and we engage in the obligatory introduction chatter. I tell him where I’m from, what my parents do, why I’m wasting my life putting make up on over chatty celebrities and actors. The nice thing about working with actors is they’re self centered enough to think that everyone knows everything about them and therefore the general chatter doesn’t apply to them.

 Which is nice; because I’ve been in make up chairs with actors who can go on for hours talking about their childhood pet Smokey and how the animal managed to get their first break in an Iams commercial.

 Yes that has happened to me before…thank you Vince Vaughn.

 “We need Timberlake and McAdams in wardrobe,” a runner has appeared through the crack of the trailer door. I nod in their direction and I go back to look at Justin but he’s talking a mile a minute on his phone, an enormous smile playing on his lips. Doesn’t help that I still have to apply the highlight on his cheekbones.

 Oh well, I guess they’ll call me or one of the other assistants on set for touch ups.

 I lean against the counter as I watch Justin get to his feet and walk with Rachel out of the trailer towards wardrobe. Corbin saunters up to me and leans against the counter with me.

 “She’s super nice,” he comments before he checks his fingernails, which have been painted black. “I need to add another coat soon. I hope I never have to deal with that witch Valora.”

 “Is she that bad?” I ask. I’ve heard stories and Elle thinks she’s a right terror, but I have yet to be on the end of one of her notorious tantrums.

 “Honey, she makes Naomi look like a pussycat,” Corbin explains with a huff before he fidgets with the fringe of his scarf that I’m sure cost him at least four hundred dollars at the Beverly Center. I’m sure Corbin would tell you that it was worth every penny.

 “Who’s Naomi?” I try to ignore the highly affronted look that Corbin is giving me right now. To avoid more judgmental looks, I start to clean up my station. Hopefully he won’t go off on some random celebrity diva who can’t get over herself. Thankfully, he’s too interested in his fingernails.

 “Penny?” I look up to see a runner poking his head into the trailer. I have no idea where Holly is and I don’t care to ask at the moment. Hopefully she’s off at the catering truck and not in anyone’s way.

 “What can I help you with?”

 “Um…we need you to head to Miss Francis’s trailer. We tried to send one of your people in there, but she requested you personally.” The guy sounds nervous and I can only imagine that the production staff sent Holly to Francis. Great – if Valora Francis is as bad as everyone says she is then I think Holly is drowning herself in a sea of tears.

 I make sure Corbin has everything under control before I grab my own personal headset so the assistant directors and the other people calling this rat race can get a hold of me or anyone on my crew. Snatching Valora Francis’s color palates and her assigned make-up case I allow the little gopher to take me down the rabbit hole.

The tension on set can’t even be cut with a knife. I don’t think you can get a chain saw on the premises to alleviate the tightness that’s coursing through my body. My chest is heaving up and down and I can feel the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes. I’m staring at Will Macy who’s got this look on his face like he’s about to strangle me and Melissa Leo has her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Jude, looking like he wants to be anywhere but here, has his hand resting comfortingly on Rachel’s shoulder while she grips onto John Hammond’s hand. His face is a wonderful shade of scarlet and I think his beady little eyes are about to bug out of his head. Clark, ever the steadfast friend, is holding onto my hand and looking at me with pride while Valora has a mixture of confusion, acceptance, admiration, and disappointment all rolled into one.

 Why our director decided to film my character’s huge ‘coming out’ scene the fourth day of shooting is beyond me. The ringing of the bell signifies a short break and soon we’re surrounded by stagehands and the tension in the small living room set wanes. The veteran actors all stand up with smiles and praise for a job well done even though we’re probably going to have to return to this scene further on in production.

 “Remember, stay in character!” Jeff, the director, calls out as he leaps from behind the camera crane he was operating. The cool thing about Jeff Kinney is he likes to be as hands on as possible and yet allows the actors to have free reign. If it doesn’t go where he wants, he has no problem jumping right in there and assisting you. The one thing I hate is the fact that he wants us to stay in character when we’ve gotten into make-up and wardrobe. I’m not Daniel Day Lewis…I am not an other worldly god no matter how many times I hear it from my girls or the screaming fans I face almost every single day.

 “Make up!” someone screeches at the top of their lungs and soon the make-up crew is descending upon us with an army of brushes and foundation. Okay…time to think, what would Nathan do?

 I’m immediately taken care of by Raven Harris, a woman who looks like she should be working for MAC or Hot Topic rather than a movie set. She’s always in black no matter how bad the heat is outside and there’s always some shocking color blended into the skin of her eyelids followed by heavy eyeliner and mascara. She’s every boy who’s obsessed with Rocky Horror’s dream date.

 Everyone on the make up team steps aside from Valora who is patiently waiting for Penny to give her attention. Apparently Miss Valora Francis established on the first day that the only person who had permission to touch her face was the head of the make-up team. Apparently they sent the girl who poked Jude in the eye on the first day and Valora shat a Volvo. I can’t remember the girl’s name, but she’s touching up Jude right now…

 It started with an M, right?

 No, that doesn’t sound right. Hannah? Maybe it was Hannah.

 “What are you doing?” Valora’s voice cuts through the sharp noises coming up from all around us. “This isn’t the right color for my skin tone!”

 “Valora,” Penny’s voice comes out firm and confident, “This is what we used on you since the beginning of production. It looks different because of the stage lighting.”

 “Well, I don’t like it. Use a different shade,” she commands and I want nothing more than to tell her where to shove it, but of course the studious, wanting-to-impress-the-director-and-the-rest-of-the-cast boy in me is trying to think like Nathan.

 “Relax, girl,” I croon softly at Valora while Raven tugs on one of my short curls to let it fall a different way, “you look great.”

 “Oh shut up, Justin. Last time I checked you were here to act, not to do make-up,” Valora snaps back and she continues to berate Penny who is trying her best to ignore her and continue her job to the best of her abilities.

 I’m expecting Penny to get super pissed. I mean its what any of us would do. But, like the past three days, she just does her job, packs up, and moves on to John “Gramps” Hammond, who is shooting her looks of sympathy.

 But the girl doesn’t react at all. I can honestly say that if I was in her shoes, I would have pulled all my hair out already and given Valora a piece of my mind. The only reason why I haven’t done it yet is everyone is claiming she’s here as the star vehicle for the film and the executive producer of the show owed her a favor, or she fucked him on the casting couch or some shit like that.

 “All set?” Raven asks me as she steps back and takes in my face.

 “Yeah, thank you so much Raven,” I state with a huge smile. After all, it’s what Nathan would do.

 And soon we’re running the next scene. Valora, Clark, and I are all set up in the kitchen discussing the arrival of Rachel’s character and her fiancé. It’s supposed to be a comedic scene and it’s nice to see that despite her diva tendencies, Valora can deliver and put her outbursts behind her. She’s a natural at getting into the character and for a while it seems like we actually are Lucy, Andrew, and Nathan.

 “Cut! Take that to print and let’s break for lunch,” Jeff interrupts as the bells start to ring and everything on the other side of the cameras buzzes to life. I give Clark and Valora smiles of encouragement and congratulations before I head off towards my trailer.

 The soundstage is bustling with activity and I have to side step a number of crew hands who are rushing about trying to change things around for the scenes we’ll be shooting after lunch. I feel bad for the poor guys and while I wouldn’t necessarily pitch in and help, the Nathan in me wants to make sure they at least get a lunch break.

 Rounding the corner, I almost bump into Penny who is having a hushed conversation on her cell phone. She’s playing with a foundation brush in one hand while the other is pressing a tiny phone against her ear. Her hair is thrown into a careless pony tail and it looks like she’s been having a rough day. Granted her face doesn’t show it, but by the way her shoulders are rounded and how it looks like she’s trying to melt into the wall, I can’t help but pick up on the thought that she wants to be anywhere but here.

 “Hey Penny,” I say with a smile and a small wave. She waves her brush back and forth before she sticks it behind her ear that isn’t being assailed with a telephone.

 “Look, I have to go,” she says into the phone, “Don’t do anything stupid Pep,” she adds before her phone has been flipped shut and tossed into her jeans pocket, “Can I help you with something?” she asks me.

 “Oh man,” I start and I want nothing more than to flip back into Justin, but I want to impress everyone on this stupid crew and cast that I’m a serious actor and I can be just as good as the next singer turned thespian. So think like Nathan, Justin, “You didn’t have to get off of your phone just to talk to me. You seem busy. You okay?” This sort of rambling and putting people before myself is so something Nathan would do…I’m proud of myself.

 “It’s no problem. You just went on lunch break, right?”

 “Yes, indeed,” I respond, “have you already eaten yet?”

 “Yeah, I picked up some food while you guys were filming,” she explains before she bites her lip and looks away from me. There’s an awkward silence and I want nothing more than to just turn around and walk away, but something stops me. She turns to look at me again and she smiles furtively before shaking her head, “You know you don’t have to stay in character all the time. I know Jeff wants you to, but you can break while you guys are on lunch.”

 Really? Did Jeff say that or is she trying to play a trick on me? It would be just like me, the rookie on a film of this magnitude, to fall for something like that. But it seems to me that Penny wouldn’t lie and I can’t help but think that she’s got my best interest at heart.

 “Thank God,” I say finally letting go of Nathan, “I don’t think Nathan would like eating Philly Cheese-steaks for lunch and that’s what I want to scarf down.” She smiles good-naturedly and I can’t help but think that if Nathan were straight he would totally have a crush on Penny.

 “Just make sure you don’t lose your character completely,” she warns, “I’ve seen plenty of actors screw up the rest of a shoot because they can’t get back into character.”

 Shit, why did I just drop? Shit, shit, shit!

 “But it seems like you have a firm hold on him, so I wouldn’t be too concerned about you. Valora on the other hand….”

 “Don’t get me started on her,” I interject and she turns to look around the soundstage before sighing loudly.

 “I shouldn’t be saying those things. I mean I am working for her in a sense.”

 God can’t this girl just let go and say how much of a bitch she thinks Valora is being? Everyone says it, but I don’t know if I’ve ever heard her say a bad thing about Valora…

 “Hey, Justin!” a voice calls out behind me. I turn around to see Clark rushing towards me and I’m happy that he’s not in character right now either, “What time is cast and crew meeting at your place for the cook out?”

 I try to get him to shut up with a look, but Clark has about as much tact as a rubber duck so of course he would bring up the sort of exclusive barbeque I’m having for most of the cast and select members of the crew tomorrow. The barbeque I didn’t include Penny and the majority of her eclectic make up team to, but wardrobe is so invited…those crazy asses are so down with it.

 “Uh…” I falter hoping to God that Penny will take the hint and walk away. But she’s just standing there, leaning against the wall and checking her cell phone. Honestly, can the woman just leave? Then again, she was here first. “Around noon or so.” I chance a glance back at Penny and I know I have to do the right, and polite thing…my mama didn’t raise no jerk.

 “Hey Penny, what are you and the rest of your team doing tomorrow?” I ask as I turn around to face her. She looks at me with a dream like expression on her face and she shrugs, “I don’t know what they’re doing, but I’m really not busy…why?”

 And soon I’m sending out an invite to her and the rest of the make up staff to the barbeque. I really don’t want to do it, but the thought of Penny or Corbin, or dare I think it…the intimidating Raven getting upset at being left out and making my make up look like shit for the rest of the production has got me spooked. I’m not worried about Holly though…the girl is harmless; except when you give her an eye pencil.

 --

 I knock at the trailer door, hoping with all my might that Valora is somewhere else. I’ve only been working with this woman for four days and I already want to do more than just stab her with an eye pencil.

 The amount of times she’s berated me in private and in public over how I do my work is driving me to the brink of getting snippy. And I have never done that with an actor in my chair. Five years of being in this business and I have not once lost my temper with them.

 But I’ll be damned if I’m not getting close to doing it with Valora.

 “Come in!” a voice barks within the trailer and my heart sinks. The cast and crew had just finished lunch, Valora demanding that a PA deliver her craft services in her trailer. I know everyone on set wants to tell her to get it her damn self, but everyone was told in pre-production not to cross Valora.

 So we put up with it because we’re paid to.

 I open the door, holding my breath as a wave of perfume hits me. I would much rather take Pepper’s kush than the smell of a baby prostitute. Valora is sitting on a plush couch, a pair of Yorkies resting next to her. They bark incessantly as I enter and leave the safety of the couch to inspect me.

 “Well let’s hurry it up. I have a telephone meeting with my agent in five and then an interview with GQ. Don’t have all day,” Valora snips as she clicks her fingers and uncrosses her long legs.

 I rush forward with my makeup kit and set it on the couch next to her. Valora doesn’t offer me a chair to make the application process easier; she expects me to squat in front of her and deal with the discomfort of being in a squat.

 “You shouldn’t be using that brush,” Valora barks as I press it into a darker powder to enhance what should be dark circles under her eyes, “or that color for that matter. It’ll make me look like shit.”

 “Well,” I begin, “your character is addicted to crack, she’s supposed to look horrible.”

 “Not the way I’m playing her. Pick a better color or we’re going to have a big fucking issue.”

 I try not to sigh my frustration as I cap the powder and pull out another one. Valora nods slightly to show that she approves of this choice and I begin to apply it underneath her eyes.

 “Run lines with me,” she commands before she starts to shoot off a long speech her character has in the middle of the film. She stops abruptly when I don’t say anything.

 “Well?” she questions, her voice becoming higher pitched, “aren’t you going to interrupt me?”

 “I don’t know the script, Miss Francis.”

 “Well pick it up and help me run the fucking lines!”

 I stare at her incredulously as I lift my hands up. One is holding a powder brush, the other one of the many makeup capsules that incorporates Valora’s palate.  “My hands are kind of full.”

 “Don’t get fucking snippy with me, Penelope. If you can’t hold the script then learn the fucking lines. How can I be expected to know my lines when people won’t run them with me?” she whines. “Either learn the script or I’ll be sure to have the studio terminate your employment.”

 I barely nod my agreement when Valora’s phone starts to ring. She holds a hand up and waves me away quickly. I’m not even finished with her make up yet but I can tell when a prima donna bitch has dismissed me.

 I pack my things away and leave the trailer, the little dogs yipping at my heels. I am beginning to see red and want nothing more than to go back into Valora’s trailer and give her a piece of my mind.

 But I know I can’t. I need this job, need the experience, and I need the exposure. I can’t afford to really piss Valora off because she has so much swag in Hollywood at the moment. She is the new It Girl, and if I went ahead and got on her bad side, I can kiss any celebrity endorsement of a make up line goodbye.

 I make my way back to the make up trailer, trying to stop the tears of frustration from escaping the corner of my eyes. I hate it when people make me feel inferior and while I can brush it off as well as the next person, constant nitpicking and abuse can really take its toll on a person.

 When I enter the make up trailer I’m greeted with Corbin working on Justin and Raven applying finishing powder to William Macy. I don’t know where Holly is, but Jude is sitting in one of the chairs just staring in the mirror.

 “Have you been taken care of yet, Jude?” I ask him as I set Valora’s make up case down in front of him.

 “Yes, I’m good,” he smiles as he turns to look at me. I guess I have the weight of Valora’s recent tantrum in my face because he reaches out and places a comforting hand on my forearm, “How are you doing with Valora?”

 “Oh, you know,” I begin as I let out a huge breath of pent up frustration, “same old same old.”

 “Well, you’re doing great with her. There are not a lot of people who have the patience to deal with her personality. I hope you don’t mind my asking the Pope for your canonization once this process is finished?”

 I smile and shake my head at his joke, “That’s sweet. Thank you, but I’m not even Catholic so I doubt the Pope will be accepting of your suggestion.”

 “Well, perhaps a very big statue, then.”

 “That would be acceptable,” I return, my smile growing.

 “Are you going to Justin’s cook out tomorrow?” Jude inquires as he takes his hand off of my arm.

 “I think so – it seems like fun. And it’ll be good cast and crew bonding,” I respond. A runner throws the door to the trailer open and quickly spouts that he’ll need all actors on set. Jude gets to his feet and turns to me again.

 “Definitely. I’ll see you there,” he grins before he puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

 A peaceful silence falls on the trailer with the actors’ exit. I sit down in the chair Jude had been occupying and let out another huge sigh of frustration.

 “Do you want to go to craft services and get some food?” Corbin asks me as he clears his station. He’s wearing the same multi-colored scarf but his nails are now a dark shade of green.

 “Cant,” I explain as I notice the script of Southern Sunrise sitting on the vanity counter. “I have lines to learn.”

 The man is a total womanizer.

 I was surprised that the production decided to take a day off, but from what I understand, the director wanted to do some stock production camera work without the actors present, so that means myself, my crew, wardrobe, and sound didn’t need to be present.

 I’m sure once they finish today, we’ll be needed every single day for the rest of the shoot. So I’m going to take this day off and really enjoy it.

 I carpooled over here with Corbin and I’ve really enjoyed spending time with him. He’s a great guy and really talented. We spent most of the car ride having him test me on the lines Valora wants me to memorize. By the time we reached Justin’s house in the Hollywood Hills, I have not only my required lines memorized, but most of Valora’s as well.

 Valora declined an invitation to the party and I’m overjoyed that I won’t have to be in her presence today. The woman is completely insufferable and I cannot wait until I don’t have to be in her company any more. Of course that won’t happen until shooting wraps, so I’ll have to put up with her antics for another few weeks.

 But as I watch Justin do a shot of tequila that’s being offered to him by one of the girl’s in wardrobe while his arm is around another scantily clad girl, I’m starting to realize that maybe most of the people I’m working with have some secret life outside of the film studio.

 “I would have never expected him to be like this outside of the production,” I whisper to Corbin as I lean back in one of the lounge chairs in Justin’s backyard, watching a few girls cackle to themselves as they pour out more shots.

 “Don’t you read the tabloids?” Corbin asks me before he takes a sip of some fruity drink the hired bartended made him a few minutes ago.

 “No. I make it a point to not read them,” I explain. The only magazines I read are the style ones and even then it’s to look at new makeup trends and to see how they’re utilized on the latest celebrity.

 “Well that would be why you didn’t have a clue. Do you not notice how he’s glued to his phone every time he’s in the make up chair? Who do you think he texts that much, his mom?”

 I give a noncommittal shrug and bring the Corona up to my lips. A breeze rolls through Justin’s sweeping backyard and picks up the edges of my long skirt. My hand automatically reaches up for my straw hat to keep it from blowing off of my head. I guess Justin in his buzzed stupor mistakes my movement for a wave because he shoots a goofy grin in my direction and waves wildly.

 I smirk and nod in his direction and take another swig of my beer. Corbin starts to talk about how he had helped Jennifer Aniston get ready for the Golden Globes one year when she was still on Friends and how he nearly died when Brad Pitt entered the hotel room.

 But I’m not listening because I’m busy watching Justin pull another girl onto his lap, while he simultaneously grabs his phone off a side table and begins to text someone rapidly. It takes me a few minutes to realize that Raven and Holly are standing off to the side watching the scene with interest.

 “Oh! There’s Raven! I’m going to go say hello,” Corbin explains before he traipses over to the pair, leaving me alone to watch the Justin and Friends Entertainment Hour by the edge of the pool with lines from the film dancing through my head.

 “You’re looking like you’re having a hell of a time,” an accented voice says behind me. I turn around quickly to see Jude standing at the open door that leads into Justin’s house. I smile and wave at him as he walks towards me and finally takes a seat at the edge of my lounge chair.

 “Well, either I can go hang out with my make up crew, or be one of the bevy of young ladies perched on Justin’s lap. I’m enjoying my time here, watching this shit show than being a part of it.”

 He laughs and nods his head in agreement, “It looks like they’re having a great time.”

 “Yeah. Hopefully he doesn’t get too drunk. Then again, the entertainment factor of this party would go through the roof.”

 “Ouch. That’s not very nice; then again, it is always fun to laugh at the drunk person’s expense- especially in Hollywood.”

 “Hence why I’m hoping he takes that shot the blonde is offering to him,” I say, pointing out the woman in the shorts and bikini top who is practically hopping from foot to foot while she presents a shot to the host.

 “I don’t know, doesn’t look like he’s going to take it…Oh, wait he did. One point, Penelope.” I laugh at his joke and he salutes me by bringing his beer up to his forehead and saluting.

 We both take a sip of our drinks and sit in silence for a moment as the peels of laughter carry over the pool. It looks like Holly and Raven have gotten Justin’s attention and they walk over to him, chatting it up with not only the host, but a few of the girls from wardrobe.

 “So, Penelope. Is that a family name?” Jude asks me after a few more minutes. The breeze picks up again and the smell of burgers and sausages the sound guys are cooking at Justin’s backyard grill hits my senses. Oh man, I am so hungry.

 “Not really. My parents went kind of kooky when they named me and my siblings,” I explain with a laugh.

 “How so?”

 “My parents were a product of the hippie movement in the sixties. So when my sister was born, they decided on Eleanor Rigby, my younger brother is Sergeant Pepper and I’m…”

 “Penelope Lane, Penny Lane, I get it,” Jude says with a laugh, “I think that’s pretty cool. We have that in common.”

 “What, we both have pretty cool names?” I ask with a grin.

 “Don’t be cheeky,” he retorts, “I was named after a Beatles song too.”

 “Hey Jude,” we both say before we start laughing. He reaches over with his bottle and clinks it to mine before we both drink. Our little revelation has caught the attention of Justin and the rest of his entourage who are watching us with interest.

 “So how does your brother deal with being called Sergeant Pepper?” Jude asks.

 “He loves it. I think because he’s gone through life never meeting another person called Sergeant unless he’s been in the army for a number of years. And we just call him Pepper most of the time.”

 “I see. Why didn’t your parents decide on Maxwell or something less…eclectic?”

 “I don’t know. They were thinking of just naming him Doctor Roberts or Mr. Mustard, but my sister and I told them no way, so they went with Sergeant Pepper. Besides, apparently it was one of their favorite songs to get stoned to back in the day.”

 “I have a feeling I would really like your parents,” Jude says with a laugh and I nod in agreement.

 “Well, they’ll love you. Anybody named after a Beatles song is number one in their book.”

 A loud screech of protest breaks up our conversation and I look over to see that Justin has pulled Holly onto his lap. I start to get out of my seat to see if I need to help the poor thing out, but it seems Justin only surprised her.

 I shoot Corbin a look from where he’s standing behind the pair. He’s having a conversation with Raven and Clark Jones. Corbin merely shrugs in my direction as Holly laughs loudly and Justin nuzzles his nose into the crook of her neck.

 “Should I warn him that he runs the risk of being poked in the eye?” Jude jokes as we continue to take in the scene.

 “You might do,” I respond, “I just don’t want her to get hurt. She’s pretty naïve about the Hollywood sharks.” Holly has only just graduated from the artistry school in Santa Monica so I’m sure she doesn’t fully understand the hypocrisy of what goes on behind the scenes.

 “She seems clever enough that…” Jude’s voice fades away as Justin reaches for a bottle of liquor and pours it down Holly’s throat.

 I’ve had this happen before on film sets before – where members of my team get starry eyed for an actor they’re working with and get distracted. Their performance drops and not only do I get flack for it, but it usually means I have to fire someone. I shake my head in disbelief. I feel the need to intervene, I don’t want her to get hurt, I don’t want anything to happen that could disrupt the good flow we have going on between the make up team and the actors. “Penny, where are you going?”

 I don’t know why I’m walking over to them. I really should mind my own business and let them do what they’re going to do. They’re adults, I shouldn’t have a say in what they do. But I can’t help but feel that Holly will be a mess should Justin start to play with her emotions.

 “Penny!” Justin exclaims happily, “Have a seat!” He motions to the leg that doesn’t have Holly perched on it and I shake my head.

 “I’ll pass,” I explain, “Holly, I’m sorry to cut the party short, but I just got a call from the studio. They need us to go down to the lot and talk about scheduling for the next two weeks.” I have no idea why this lie is materializing in front of everyone and I can only pray that I’m not going to get found out. I really don’t want to have to explain myself.

 “Really?” Holly asks, disappointment rampant in her voice, “Can’t you and Corbin and Raven do it?”

 “We need the whole team,” I explain with a sympathetic shrug, “Believe me, I would much rather stay and have a good time,” my stomach rumbles in agreement, “but duty calls.”

 “Oh. Okay then.” Holly tries to stumble to her feet, but I can tell that the alcohol she’s consumed has started to take its effect. I reach out and grab onto her arm to steady her shaking legs and to keep her from falling into the pool.

 I shoot a look towards Corbin and Raven and it seems they get the picture. They fire a quick farewell to Clark and soon Corbin has wrapped an arm around Holly’s waist and Raven is leading the way.

 “See you Jude,” I call out to the actor, who looks completely dumbfounded that I was able to get Holly out of there with minimal to no conflict.

 “I’ll get her to my car with Corbin,” Raven explains. Her black hair is falling out of it’s beehive but miraculously her heavily applied eyeliner and mascara hasn’t started to melt off of her face from being outside in the heat, “Can you grab Corbin’s bag and my phone? They’re by the bar.”

 I nod and head over to the bar that’s located just by the door that would take me back outside. I poke my head outside quickly to see that Jude and Clark have gone over to the grill, cracking jokes with the sound crew. Justin, however, is still at his post by the side of the pool, a new girl, this time I think from craft services, sitting where Holly had been moments before.

 I shake my head in disbelief as I grab Raven and Corbin’s things and then head outside.

 I cannot believe him, I really can’t. What an ass.

 I know I have no one to blame but myself, but it still sucks. Melissa and I are the only two actors called on set this early. We’re doing a scene in the beginning of the film when Nathan goes to the grocery store with his mom while Chris (his guest/friend/boyfriend) stays back at the house with Lucy and his father and grandpa. It’s going to be a fun scene to shoot and I would really be looking forward to it if I weren’t so hung-over…

 And if my makeup artist wasn’t running late, too.

 I swivel around in my chair as I glance down at my phone. No new messages from the gaggle of ladies I was entertaining last night. I guess they’re still trying to sleep off the party and I don’t blame them. Once the makeup team left to take care of some scheduling problems, the party really kicked off.

 Or at least that’s what Trace, my best friend, told me when he woke me up this morning so I could make my call time.

 Where the hell is Penny?

 The door to the trailer flies open and Penny comes stalking in, carrying two makeup cases and a huge attitude. Or at least it seems like she’s carrying an attitude. Her mouth is set in a tight line and she doesn’t even greet me as she sets everything down on the counter and heads over towards me with my own makeup case.

 “Hey there Penny, how’s Holly doing?”

 “She’s fine,” Penny replies tersely as she opens the case and pulls out my foundation and concealer. It’s still so weird that I have to wear all this stuff, and I’ve been putting it on for countless music videos and other films – it’s still really strange. “A little hung-over today, she’s coming in late.”

 “That makes two of us then,” I say with a chuckle, “I tried to call her this morning, but no answer.” Penny says nothing and begins to apply the foundation on my face with a rough hand.

 She’s done my makeup before, and all the other times she’s been gentle and proficient. Right now, I feel like my face is being prepped to go into a blender.

 “Do you mind taking it easy?” I ask her softly after she’s done one side of my face – it feels like it’s been rubbed raw.

 “Sorry,” she mutters, “I’m a little upset right now.”

 “Really?” I’m taken aback. This is the first time I’ve seen Penelope admit any kind of emotion that isn’t relaxed, noncommittal, or somewhat cheerful. The fact that she’s upset is kind of intriguing. “Why are you upset?”

 “I just don’t like it when people mess with my crew and give them false hope.”

 “Oh, so did your scheduling meeting not go according to plan?” I ask as she comes at me with the foundation brush again. I can still feel the tension in her hands, but she’s pulled back considerably.

 “No, that isn’t it at all,” she sighs, “I just don’t like it when actors hit on my crew and pull their focus away from the job at hand. It’s happened before in the past and it just isn’t professional. I hate unnecessary distractions.”

 Is she serious right now? Is she referring to yesterday and how Holly was all over me? That wasn’t just me; this is on Holly, too. She’s been flirting with me on and off since production started.

 “Well,” I begin as she starts with the highlighter, “you have to understand that you aren’t their slave driver or their controller. You don’t really have a say in who they spend their time with from the shoot. They don’t need your permission or consent to see, date, or hook up with whoever they want.”

 I can see her reflection in the mirror – she’s rolling her eyes at my small outburst as she uncaps some lip chap to put on my chaffed lips. “Fair enough,” she states simply, “I just don’t like the way you treat women and I don’t want Holly exposed to that.”

 “Excuse me?” I all but yell in her face, “You don’t like the way I treat women? What the hell does that even mean?”

 She purses her lips and shakes her head sadly before she puts the lip balm back in my makeup bag, “You’re finished, I don’t know when they need you on set,” is all she’ll say.

 “No. You aren’t going to walk away from this…. discussion,” I don’t want to say argument because hopefully it won’t turn into that and she really hasn’t raised her voice or really challenged me on anything. “Why do you think I mistreat women?”

 Penny sighs with frustration and turns around to face me. She’s about to say something, but the trailer door opens and Jeff Kinney, the director comes strolling in.

 “Ah, Penelope, I just had a quick question about John’s makeup…hello, Nathan, how are you today?”

 Oh shit. I’m supposed to be in character now. Damn Kinney and his stupid rules about staying in character once the makeup and the costume are on. I should have been prepping for my scene instead of getting all butt hurt about what Penny has to say about my treatment of women. Why do I care about her opinion anyway?

 “Well, I’m doing great, John, thanks for asking,” I say with a huge smile on my face. I get up out of the chair and head towards the hooks attached to the wall that has Nathan’s coat on it. “Do you want me to head over to the set now?”

 “Sure. I just need to talk to Penny really quick, won’t take me that long.”

 “Great. Thank you for your help today, Penny,” I hear Nathan say even though Justin wants to flip her off and tell her to suck it. It’s always fun transforming into another person, but not when I, Justin, want to give someone a piece of my mind.

 But I can feel Nathan’s bubbly personality taking over as I leave the trailer and by the time I reach set, I’m not mad anymore.

 This sure as hell beats therapy, I’m sure.

--

 It’s always awkward to have a heart to heart with someone when you don’t know him or her that well and they’re also nursing a hang over.

 But I did end up having a small talk with Holly when she stumbled into work later that day.

 “Well, I really like him,” Holly explained to me as she sat in one of the makeup chairs, her sunglasses resting precariously on the tip of her nose, “And I have a feeling he really likes me and you know, I don’t care if it’s a long term thing, or just a little fling.”

 “I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” I said, “Sometimes you can get caught up in the whole Hollywood thing if you haven’t been here for a while.”

 “I’m a big girl, I can handle myself, but thank you for your concern. It’s really sweet of you.”

And that was that.

 I can’t help but feel like I’ve thrown chum out to the sharks.

 Now I’m waiting for Jude to get in from wardrobe so I can get him ready for a scene he has with Rachel. Corbin is busy with the older actors for the production, Raven has the day off to go to a cousin’s bat mitzvah, and Holly is on set ready to do touch ups for whichever actor needs it.

 Rachel is busy on the phone with her agent, trying to secure a contract for a new film, and I’m cleaning makeup brushes trying not to replay the argument Justin and I had earlier. I know I was out of line but I couldn’t help it. From now on, I’m going to just mind my own business and let people deal with their personal stuff on their own.

 The door opens and Jude walks in. I find myself smiling as he heads over to me and gives me a small hug. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in Jude’s life, he always has a smile on his face, is always cheerful, and always present.

 “How are you today, love?” he asks as he sits down and gives himself a once over in the mirror.

 “Been better, but I really can’t complain.”

 “How is Holly’s hangover?”

 “I gave her a few Tylenol and it seems like she’s bouncing back,” and while Rachel is occupied on her phone, I lean forward and fill Jude in on this morning’s events.

 “I see,” he says while he digests this new information, “well hopefully things will get better, and it’s good that you’re wiping your hands clean from it.”

 “Yeah, I guess if it begins to have a negative impact on Holly’s work that’s when it should become my issue.”

 “Too right,” Jude agrees and I start in on his makeup.

 We begin to chat about trivial things, Rachel joining in once she finishes speaking with her agent. It seems like the pair are both in talks to star in the new Sherlock Holmes film. I’m just about to finish Jude’s makeup when the trailer door opens and Justin walks in.

 He seems to be in a better mood because he smiles furtively at me and I find myself returning in the form of a grin. Something tells me the best thing to do is to forget about our disagreement this morning and I’m ready to let bygones be bygones.

 Justin takes up residence in the chair next to Jude just as I put the finishing touches on the Englishman’s makeup. Jude smiles his thanks and gets up out of his chair, extending his hand to Rachel.

 “Shall we go run lines in my trailer?” he asks her and she nods. Rachel says her goodbyes and heads for the door. Jude turns towards me and gives me a small hug and a muttered farewell, before he follows his co-star out the door and into the Los Angeles sun.

 “Do you need a touch up?” I ask Justin referring to his makeup. He nods and I head over to the counter to grab his case. The trailer is bathed in silence for a few minutes as I get his tools ready.

 “So what’s up with you and Jude?” Justin asks suddenly and I nearly drop his foundation.

 “What?”

 “What’s up with you and Jude?” He repeats and I can see a mischievous glint in his eyes.

 “Nothing, we’re just friends,” I explain with a shrug. At least I think we are. I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t find him attractive or charming or really fun to spend time with – but that’s where it ends. I don’t think I would ever advance on him and I’m almost positive he doesn’t feel that way about me.

 So it’s dead in the water.

 “You sure about that? Seems like there’s a mutual attraction there.”

 “I don’t do that kind of stuff, date co-workers or anything like that,” I say quickly as I put powder over his face quickly. I guess his sudden question caught me off guard because I definitely put too much powder on the brush. Justin gets a huge inhalation of fair powder and begins to cough loudly.

 Hah.

 “Hey, will you run lines with me?” Justin asks once his coughing subsides and he realizes that I’m not going to continue the topic of whether or not Jude and I have a ‘thing’ going on.

 “Sure,” I say after I’ve checked my schedule and notice that I don’t need to be on set (Holly and Raven have that covered right now) and Corbin is taking care of the older actors in their respective trailers.

 Justin pulls his script out and turns towards the end of the film. I look over his shoulder and see that he wants to go over the scene where Nathan is alone in the kitchen with his sister Lucy. It’s a pivotal moment and I smile to myself when I realize that I have this scene memorized thanks to Valora.

 “Here we go,” Justin begins and the world instantly shifts.

 “Lucy, what the hell was that about?” Nathan seethes.

 “What was what about?” I’m noncommittal, as I stare down at the trailer floor.

 “Why were you taking money out of Chris’s wallet?”

 I don’t say anything; I just look at the floor. If I look at the floor maybe this will all go away?

 “Lucy!”

 “I needed it okay?” I cry out, “I needed it. I needed it for me and no one else was gonna give it to me so I took it.”

 “Why do you need it? Why couldn’t you come to me or Bethany or mom or dad? Or, hell even grandpa?”

 “You wouldn’t understand. Nobody gets it.” So quiet.

 “What nobody in this family gets your drug problem?” He states simply and I look up so quickly that my neck cracks and I try to stifle a gasp.

 “I don’t have a drug problem!” I cry incredulously, “Nathan how could you say that?”

 “Mom and Dad and Grandpa and Bethany can pretend they don’t see it, they can ignore it every time you show up completely fucked out of your mind, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re destroying yourself and you’re destroying this family.”

 “I am not! I am not!” I cover my hands over my ears, “You’re not making any sense and I’m not going to listen to you.”

 “Jesus, Lucy, did you take a hit before you came home tonight? Do you not see what you’re doing to yourself?”

 “And how else am I supposed to cope with living here? How else am I supposed to survive in this God forsaken town when every time I try to leave I have to stay? Oh, but you and Bethany get a free ticket out. She gets to leave because she’s the oldest and you get to go to college because you were born with a dick. But I have to stay here and take care of Grandpa and take care of this family and I’m fucking sick of it. I do the shit I do to escape, because no matter what I do, and no matter how much I plan to run away, my legs just won’t work. And I’ve got a fucking leash on me. So I let my mind do the walking, I let it fly so far away from this fucking place that I don’t ever want to come back. And if that makes me addicted to crack, if that makes me some low life that won’t amount to anything, then I don’t fucking care. I don’t fucking care!”

 The silence in the trailer is deafening as it slowly comes back into focus. I blink furiously a few times before I realize that I have tears in my eyes and I’m breathing heavily. I turn to face the mirror and ultimately Justin’s reflection and I see a complete look of shock on his face.

 “What in the fresh hell was that?” he asks me before he turns away from the mirror to look at me properly, the script in his hands, completely forgotten.

 “What was what?”

 “You, reading that scene. Do you realize how good you were?” I can feel the blush beginning to rise in my cheeks and I turn away from his searching gaze.

 “I did some theatre in high school, but I preferred the technical stuff more,” I tell him simply as I begin to clean up his station.

 “Yeah but…” he’s about to say something else but the door opens and Valora is standing in the threshold.

 “Penelope, I need you in my trailer,” she says, her voice clipped. She doesn’t even look at me – apparently her fingernails are more interesting than a human being.

 “Let me grab your things, and I’ll be right over.”

 And before I can even think about grabbing her make up case she’s turned around and is marching towards her trailer.

 Justin is still looking at me like I’ve grown an extra head and for the first time since I’ve started this shoot I’m glad to be going to Valora Francis’s trailer.

Chapter Six

Octopus’s Garden

“So then this wave comes at me and I can either let it pass over me, or I can ride her. And the wave is coming up to meet me and I’m paddling like hell and the next thing you know I’m on the perfect wave that was ever constructed by Mother Earth and it’s just…it was just magic, Penny. Magic.”

 The smoke is hanging above us in a cloud and I nod in approval as he passes the pipe over to me. I usually don’t smoke pot while I’m in the middle of a shoot, but after today’s script reading with Justin, and Valora ripping me a new one because I wasn’t familiar with the beginning of the script, I need to take a load off.

 And Pepper is helping me tenfold.

 “That sounds really awesome, Pepper,” I say before I quickly take a hit. Pepper had been out running around in Long Beach and Huntington, but he’s come back again because he was running out of gas and food money. I keep telling him that he should join up with a surfing school so he can make some extra cash doing something he loves, but he’ll hear none of it.

 “I don’t want to ruin the vibe, man,” is what he tells me every time I bring it up. So he continues to come back to Elle’s house and mine and live in the guest room and supply us with pot that I’m sure he’s growing in the back of his van.

 But that is his Man Cave as Pepper calls it, and we are not allowed to enter under any circumstances.

 “It was awesome. I don’t know if I’ll ever find a wave like that.”

 My brother and I are taking some time to hang out tonight since it seems like we just don’t have the time. Even though Pepper is here every day, I’m the one off at work and when I return, I just go straight to bed. It’s insane because I’ve felt more energy during shoots where I’m putting prosthetics and bullet holes on people, but this production is just sucking the life out of me.

 I don’t know, maybe I’m just getting older.

 Elle is off at a writer’s meeting and I have no idea when she’s going to get back. She might have decided to actually have a life and go out with some of her co-workers. It is Saturday night after all and I hope this is the case. Elle doesn’t get out much because she’s a slave to her craft. It would be great if she could go out and let loose.

 The text message alert goes off suddenly on my phone and it makes both Pepper and I jump. We look at each other and start to giggle uncontrollably. Looks like the drugs are taking their effect. Thank God.

 “Who is that?” Pepper questions as I look down at my screen. I can’t hide the smile that spread across my face when I realize it’s from Jude.

 “No one,” I say quickly and put the phone in my pocket. I’ll make some excuse to use the bathroom and then go off and respond in a couple of minutes.

 Pepper gives me a knowing glance and sends a wink my way. I purse my lips and shake my head to indicate I don’t want him to bring it up.

 Jude and I are just friends. End of story.

 So why is my heart flipping around like a dolphin at Sea World?

 “Wanna go watch Labyrinth?” Pepper asks suddenly and I grin widely, nodding like an idiot. “I’m gonna go get chips and dip. Get the movie ready, Penny Lane.”

 I reach out and try to muss with his mess of blonde curls, but he evades my grasp and disappears into the house.

 Once he’s gone I immediately pull out my phone and look at Jude’s text message.

 ‘Hey there, love. Enjoying the night off?’

 ‘Just spending the evening with my brother. V. chill.’

 I shove my phone back in my pocket and head inside to get the movie ready. Something tells me I won’t be able to stop eating and laughing at David Bowie.

 Best. Saturday. Night. Ever.

--

 Pepper and I have made it an hour into Labyrinth when my phone starts ringing loudly in my pocket. I’m already somewhat miffed because Jude hasn’t responded to my text message so I nearly catapult off the couch when my phone begins to jingle.

 “Where’s the fire?” Pepper asks with a laugh as he pauses the film. I motion for him to keep going, because I could probably recite this entire film by heart.

 I ignore his question and head into the kitchen. I glance at the clock on the microwave and notice that it’s just past midnight. If Jude thinks he’s going to be getting a booty call he’s sorely mistaken.

 But when I manage to focus on the caller ID I see that it isn’t Jude, but Holly.

 “Holly? What’s going on?”

 “Penny? Can you hear me?” It sounds like she’s been crying. Great. Who did she stab with an eye pencil this time?

 “Are you all right?”

 “No. Can you come get me?” I pull the phone away from my ear and look down at it. What the hell?

 “Um. Where are you? Where’s your car?”

 And soon Holly is telling me how she had left the studio lot with Justin who asked if she wanted to go to a party that evening. And now she was in some residential community of Beverly Hills stranded because Justin wouldn’t drive her back to her car or phone her a cab.

 “And I left my wallet in my car so I have no way of paying a cab driver myself,” she wails and I can tell she’s also been drinking. “I didn’t know who else to call, Penny. I’m sorry.”

 Just like that most of my buzz is gone. Awesome.

 “It’s okay,” I say with a sigh as I turn around and grab my purse off of the counter. It’s going to take me at least forty minutes to get to Beverly Hills from my house. “I’ll come get you.”

 “It’s just he won’t help me because I wouldn’t sleep with him,” Holly blurts out and now what was left of my buzz has been replaced with anger.

 Is this man for real right now?

 “I’ll be right there, Holly. What’s the address?”

 I hang up the phone after Holly has relayed the address and throw it into my purse. I careen into the living room so I can make my way to the front door. Pepper is still engrossed with the film.

 “Where you going?”

 “I have to go rescue one of my coworkers in Beverly Hills.”

 “I’ll come with,” Pepper groans as he pulls his lumbering frame off of the couch. “You shouldn’t venture into such dangerous places on your own.”

 I don’t say anything. I could use the company, honestly.

 Forty minutes later and I’m trying to find somewhere to park my Prius on a very busy residential street in Beverly Hills. There are cars parked everywhere and I can see a house in the distance lit up like the Fourth of July. I’m guessing that’s where I’ll find Holly.

 “So what does she look like?” Pepper asks as he opens up the sunroof and pokes his upper body out. 

 “Brown hair, petite, her name is Holly…”

 “HOLLY? HOLLY? IT’S PENNY AND PEPPER! HOLLY!” Pepper is screaming like a lunatic out the sunroof and I’m surprised he hasn’t turned on any car alarms with the piercing ferocity of his voice. A dog starts barking in the distance and I shake my head in disdain.

 “Pepper would you get back in the damn car?” I grab the bottom of his T-shirt and try to yank him back inside but he suddenly starts waving his arms and jumping up and down on my passenger seat.

 “I see her! I see her! Move forward young Penny! Move forward!”

 I must be the only normal person in this entire family.

 My headlights illuminate a figure standing on the sidewalk in front of the well-lit house. She’s got her arms crossed against her chest and I notice the mascara running down her face. I park my car in front of the driveway and hurry over to my blubbering makeup artist.

 The fact that she’s acting this way when I told Justin not to go sniffing around infuriates me to no end.

 “Thank you for coming to get me,” she manages to get out through her furious tears. I wrap an arm around her shoulders and lead her over to my car. Pepper has gotten out and has opened the back door so she can climb in.

 “It’s no problem. Is Justin still in the house?” I ask her as Pepper assists her into the car. She nods and I immediately turn around and start to march up the long driveway.

 “Penny, where are you going?” Pepper calls after me, but I ignore him. I know he’ll stay with Holly. I just hope he doesn’t forget where he is and leaves me stranded here. That’s the last thing I need when I have an eight AM call tomorrow morning.

 It takes me five more minutes to stalk up the driveway that’s completely jam-packed with cars. There are people sitting on the lawn in various stages of undress and it looks like a frat party rather than some swanky Hollywood bash.

 The front doors are big enough to drive Pepper’s VW Van through and they’re wide open to let partygoers in and out freely. The foyer is massive and I feel like you could fit three of my houses in there. The place is alive with bodies flittering this way and that no doubt trying to network movie deals or score some drugs.

 It’s this side of Hollywood that I hate with a passion.

 “Excuse me,” I grab the nearest person I can find. It takes me a moment to realize that it’s one of Hollywood’s up and coming actresses with a huge bag of cocaine in her hands. She looks at me as if I’m a homeless person from Santa Monica who’s somehow wandered into this party by accident, “Can you tell me where Justin Timberlake is?”

 She points wordlessly towards the first room right off the entrance of the foyer. I thank her, and rush off towards the direction of loud laughter and copious amounts of swearing. I can only hope Justin is some kind of coherent state that he can listen to what I have to say.

--

 I have no idea who’s hosting this party. I don’t even know why I showed up – I think one of my model lady friends texted me earlier today and told me to turn up at this place in Beverly Hills.

 So here I am.

 People are coming and going with the force of a tidal wave so I just stick to my seat on a plush couch in what I can only assume is the living room. Women have been throwing themselves on me all night and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the attention. It’s pretty awesome, but I do feel bad for kicking Holly to the curb. Sorry, but you don’t put the breaks on when you’ve been giving me the green light for the past few weeks. 

 “You’re going to win the Oscar next year, aren’t you?” a girl who’s legs are perched across my lap croons at me as she nurses a vodka and cranberry.

 “I can only hope,” I return with a wink that sends her into a fit of giggles.

 She’s about to say something else, but suddenly she’s been hoisted off the couch and in her place is a very out of place, and very displeased Penelope Asherbee.

 “Hey! I was sitting there!” Vodka Cranberry cries out indignantly as she pushes herself back to her feet.

 “Sorry,” Penny calls over her shoulder but I can just make out an edge in her usually calm voice.

 “What are you doing here?” I ask her, “Finally letting loose and getting with the party?”

 “No. I’m not. Can we go somewhere and talk?”

 “I’m enjoying myself right where I am, thanks,” I respond coldly. Why is she trying to be such a buzzkill?

 “Yeah, that’s not good enough,” she shakes her head, and before I can figure out what’s happening, she’s grabbed my arm and pulled me up from the couch, a cry of protest rising in every eligible woman’s throat.

 “Let me go!” I yell and I try to look at someone in the party to give me some assistance, but they all seem to think this is some joke. Guys are throwing me the thumbs up and girls are looking quite upset that it seems like I’m spoken for.

 Penny doesn’t stop her incessant pulling until we’ve made it into the backyard of the house. There are people swimming in the pool and trying to climb over some random statues situated in the gardens.

 “What the fuck, Penny?” My buzz is seriously taking a toll here. I’m going to need to do a few more shots to get back up to the party.

 “I could ask you the same question, Justin,” Penny seethes and suddenly the light switch turns on.

 “Oh, is this about Holly?”

 “God are you that much of a dumbass? I don’t care what you do in your personal life, Justin. Please look at my face and look at all the fucks I give. See? There are none. But, what I do give a fuck about is you treating one of my coworkers, and one of yours as well, like a sex object or someone who is less worthy than you. I’d expect that from Valora, but not from you.

 “I told you earlier today that I don’t like how you treat women and this further cements my opinion. The fact that I had to drive down here and tell you that to your face again really pisses me off and I hope that you realize that not only did you ruin my night, but you also ruined my brother’s night and Holly’s, too.

 “You told me earlier today to mind my own business, but I’m past that now. When you go after one of my friends, someone on my team, and hurt them like you’ve hurt Holly, then it becomes my business. So stay the fuck away from her Justin. Stay away from her, stay away from Raven; fuck stay away from Corbin if you ever feel inclined to swing that way. And stay away from me. As of right now, we are on professional terms only. And that goes for the rest of my team.”

 Wow. That’s the only thing I can think of when I look at Penny’s incensed expression and the way her chest is heaving up and down with the effort it took to give me a massive telling off. And I’ve never heard her swear before, so the fact that she’s flinging f bombs almost every other word has also rendered me speechless.

 “Uh…” is all I can muster and she narrows her gaze and suddenly I feel like I’m two feet tall.

 “Enjoy the rest of your party. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

 And without another word she’s heading back for the house, her wavy hair, flip flops, flowing tie-dye skirt and black tank top completely standing out from all the short dresses and done up hair that make up the rest of the crowd.

 I can only stand there, my buzz completely destroyed, and think about what a complete ass I’ve been.

I have never seen so many flowers in my life.

 The thought of coming into work at eight in the morning after having to drive around Beverly Hills and Hollywood with an inconsolable Holly until three in the morning was not appealing. But when I opened the door into the make up trailer, I was not expecting to see it transformed into a florist’s.

 “What the hell?” I ask to no one in particular. It seems flowers have taken up every available space and I almost miss Holly sitting in one of the make up chairs, trying not to cry.

 “Holly, are you okay? Care to explain the flowers?” How am I going to do make up when there are dozens of bouquets of wildflowers, roses, and other flora covering my work space?

 “He’s so sweet,” is all Holly can muster as her bottom lip trembles and she reaches out and gently strokes a rose petal. She yanks her hand back quickly when the petal falls off the rose – I’m pretty sure there are fifty more sitting in this trailer.

 I walk over to the nearest bouquet, disposing my purse in one of the free chairs. There’s a card sitting between a bunch of tulips and hydrangeas and I pick it up quickly.

 Holly – I’m sorry for last night. – J

 “Each card is different, you know,” Holly says when I look up and give her an incredulous look, “its just such an incredible gesture.”

 I try not to scoff as I put the card back on the bouquet I found it. I’m pretty sure Justin does this kind of stuff to all the girls that he’s pissed off in the past. I’m sure he’s going above and beyond right now because I came out of nowhere and gave him a huge telling off.

 “While it’s sweet,” I begin as I take my things off of the chair and shove them under the counter, “we need to get this stuff clear so we can actually work today.”

 I’m about to find my walkie-talkie to alert some production agent about the garden growing in the make-up trailer, but the door opens and I smile when I see Jude step up, pulling sunglasses off his face while he tries to adjust to the light.

 “Whoa, where the bloody hell did the rainforest come from?”

 I open my mouth to answer, but someone steps up behind Jude with yet another bouquet of flowers. I can only stare at the deliveryman with my mouth wide open as he looks about awkwardly for a place to set this recent acquisition. Holly merely reaches out with her hands and he walks in her direction, depositing the bouquet in her open arms.

 “I’ll explain once I find someone to help deforest this place,” I tell Jude as I reach down to grab my purse. I really don’t want to stay in here and look at all of these flowers – an empty apology from an empty man.

 “Want to visit craft services along the way? You look like you could use a coffee,” Jude says with a charming smile as I stifle a yawn. I nod in agreement, shoulder my purse, and follow him out into the early morning sun.

 “Dammit. I forgot my glasses,” I turn around to head back for the trailer, but my way is blocked by Jude offering his own. “Thanks,” I mumble as I unfold them and place them on the bridge of my nose.

 “So what’s up with the botanical garden in the trailer?”

 I hesitate as we walk in between the soundstages. I don’t really know how to bring this up. I don’t really want to talk shit about Justin in front of one of his cast mates, I don’t want to create any tension between them when the majority of them are already so against Valora. Jude walks a bit closer to me and gives me a little nudge to break me out of my thoughts. I look up at him and suddenly I find that I’m relaying everything that happened the night before.

 I can’t help it, Jude is a friend.

 We round the corner and see the beautiful craft services truck parked in all its glory by the actors’ trailers. A few of the crewmembers are in line to pick up breakfast or a morning cup of coffee. I spot Valora’s personal assistant looking like he might cry as he carries two trays of coffee towards one of the larger trailers on the lot.

 The man deserves a Congressional Medal of Honor.

 Jude and I step in line behind some of the boom operators and, thankfully, the subject changes to Jude’s young children instead of Justin’s intentions of sending every single species of flower into the makeup trailer.

 We order our coffee and turn to one of the picnic benches when I notice Justin heading over towards the craft services truck. He waves in our direction with a smile and Jude immediately returns the greeting.

 I act like I haven’t seen him. I watch through the protective lenses of Jude’s glasses as Justin lowers his hand and almost looks dejected that I ignored him.

 Good. I don’t care.

 “You can’t be mad at him forever. Sure he might have led Holly on and was a bit of a prick, but maybe he is sorry,” Jude points out. I bite my lip and take a sip of my coffee.

 I suddenly don’t really want to talk about this. I mean part of me wants to believe that Jude is right and Justin is really sorry for putting all of us through so much crap last night, but I don’t know. I think I just find it easier to put Justin into the category of a Hollywood brat. Aside from this recent gesture, he’s given me no reason to suspect otherwise.

 Jude and I finish our coffee in relative silence before he heads off to his trailer and I go in search of a production assistant who can get the flowers out of my hair and my trailer.

 I have work to do.

--

 I thought the flowers were a pretty good idea. An awesome idea. It seemed like Holly really enjoyed them, and she even hugged me and accepted my apology when I came in to the trailer this morning. In fact, Corbin and Raven were so excited over the flowers that the voted to keep a few bouquets when a production assistant came to take all of them out. Everyone loved them.

 Except Penny.

 And I don’t know why she’s having this much of an affect on me. I don’t know why I care so much about my image when I’m around her. I mean, it sucked when she showed up at that party last night and ripped me a new asshole – and I kind of deserved it. I have been getting a little crazy with the women in my life, but can you blame me? No, I don’t think you can.

 Maybe I’m so worried about what she thinks because she just doesn’t buy into the whole Hollywood mindset. I want to prove her wrong – that not all people in this industry are pricks. The girl is so anti-Hollywood it isn’t even funny. At least that’s what it seems like.

 But I know I should not be thinking of these things in the middle of a scene.

 Especially when the scene is with a Miss Valora Francis.

 “Nathan, you are so stupid. Do you really think Mom and Dad and Grandpa would let you bring music like that into the house?”

 Shit. What was my line?

 I cast a look over towards Rachel and Jude who are also in the scene, but I know they’re waiting for my line. Shit.

 Valora repeats her line and stares at me with her perfectly manicured eyebrows raised. I see that she’s still making Penny keep her makeup flawless when she’s really supposed to look like shit.

 Stop it. What is your line?

 “Okay, seriously, can we cut?” Valora is suddenly not Lucy anymore and is looking like she is ready to nuke me out of existence. “Can you not remember your lines? Or are you going to break into song? Should we get some back up dancers here for you, Justin?”

 “Valora, what’s the problem?” David shouts from his position behind the camera. I can see most of the crew holding their breath. It seems like Valora is having a problem every minute of every day.

 “Well, David, how am I supposed to do the scene when he isn’t in it?” Valora demands. It’s like I’m not even here. “How do you expect me to put in my best performance when he’s blowing the whole scene?”

 “Wait a minute,” I begin. This is bullshit. How many times has she been out of character in scenes? “How many times have we had to do takes twenty times because you aren’t in the moment?”

 “How dare you! I am always in the moment! Maybe if you stuck to boy bands and music videos you wouldn’t be in this film and out of your depth.”

 God she is such a venomous bitch.

 “Okay everyone, let’s take five,” David sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can I get makeup please?”

 A bell rings in the distance and most of the crewmembers scurry away to avoid falling subject to one of Valora’s many rants. The makeup team surges forward, Corbin heading to Rachel, Holly to Jude, Raven to me, and Penny, of course, to Valora.

 “I cannot believe this,” Valora seethes, “how fucking unprofessional can you get? Penny, what are you putting on my face?”

 “This is what David directed me to put on you, Valora,” Penny explains and her voice is so even tempered it’s hard to believe she was yelling at me last night. I wonder why she’s never done it to Valora.

 “Well this isn’t his face, it’s mine. And you’ll do as I say. Whoever made you head artist should be fired. I mean, Jesus.”

 “Seriously, Valora would you shut the hell up?” Did I just say that? Did that just come out of my mouth? The other actors and makeup artists fall silent from whatever conversations they were having. They are so blatantly eavesdropping, but I don’t care.

 “What did you say to me?”

 I don’t know why I’m saying these things. Me, Justin, wouldn’t really try to say this shit. I just want to make this movie, get the experience, do a project I really believe in and move on to the next one. Why should I care what some actress starts spewing at a member of the crew?

 But dammit, this Nathan character is growing on me.

 “I told you to shut the hell up. Penny’s just doing her job so you should shut up and leave her the fuck alone.”

 It is deathly silent on set. You could probably hear a pin drop outside and this soundstage is big enough to house a jet. And then Valora gasps in shock and steps away from Penny. Her mouth is opening and closing as if her brain is trying to form words but no sound is coming out. She looks like an emaciated fish.

 “You dare, you dare….” And instead of laying into me, she turns on her heels and storms off the set without another word. I half expect to hear people applaud my efforts, but everyone else is still silent.

 I turn to look at Penny who looks white as a sheet while she stares at Valora’s foundation container. She’s shaking her head and taking what seems to be a very deep breath.

 “Thanks Justin, for making it worse,” she glowers at me before she takes off in Valora’s direction.

 I was just trying to help!

 I’m about to call out after her, but a hand clamping down on my shoulder stops me. I turn around to see Jude and Rachel standing there. They both seem to be impressed with what I’ve just done, but there’s also something else.

 “Emergency cast meeting when we wrap for the day. We need to figure out what to do with Valora.”

I cannot believe there is four weeks left of production.

I was ready to leave two weeks ago when Justin stood up for me and Valora stormed off the set.

But I’m still here, still head of makeup, and still sick of Valora Francis and Justin Timberlake.

I know I have no reason to be upset with Justin; he was only trying to help. And our working relationship is taking a strain because I refuse to give in to the myriad of his apologies. I don’t know why, I used to be so easy going and forgiving when it came to making mistakes.

I don’t know if it’s Valora or the fact that she’s made me memorize the entire script of Southern Sunrise, done repetition work with her in her trailer, or the fact that her character Lucy and her story has completely taken over not only my professional life but my personal as well. I just don’t know.

Thank God I have Jude or else I would be going absolutely mental.

The two weeks of being upset with Justin and walking on eggshells around Valora has really brought the two of us closer together. We’ve been hanging out offset as friends, I’ve met his adorable kids, we’ve grabbed lunch, we even went and saw a movie the other day, but that is the extent of our relationship.

But that’s not what the tabloids would have you believe.

I don’t read the trash, but Pepper, for some strange reason, cannot get enough of them. So of course I was shocked when he came over to visit during the weekend and showed me and Elle a picture of me and Jude walking through Santa Monica with his kids in tow.

Who is Jude’s New Mystery Woman?

I really had a good laugh about it and even brought it in to work to show Jude. The article is now hanging up at his usual makeup station.

But of course there are other articles in the gossip rags and of course there’s something about Valora in every issue. Right now it’s all about her insane diva behavior on the set of her latest movie.

Guess US Weekly can get something right every once in a while.

Things seem to be winding down, however, and I’m grateful for that. All I have to do is keep my head down for another month and it will be smooth sailing.

“Come on everyone,” I smile cheerfully at my makeup team. We’re all hanging about in the trailer, but I know that we need to be heading to the soundstage so we can be on call for when David Kinney calls for a break. Everyone is on set today and they’re going to need all the help they can get.

We grab our array of makeup cases and saunter over to the set, laughing about a story Corbin is retelling with great gusto. I absolutely adore Corbin and hope that once this ends we can continue to be friends. Maybe I can sign him on as a co-creator of my makeup line when this is all said and done.

“And then the fish literally leapt up into our boat and of course Dale was like, ‘What the fuck?’”

Raven, Holly, and I erupt into peals of laughter and I quickly try to silence them as we’re nearing the soundstage door. The light isn’t on above the door so I know they’re not filming right now, but they could be rehearsing.

After a few more giggles are subsided, I pull the door open.

And I’m met with a tidal wave.

--

Valora has gone bat shit insane.

I have never seen anyone this upset before and quite frankly, I’m concerned about everyone’s safety.

“What do you mean there have been rewrites to this scene? Don’t you understand that I have a process, David? I need at least two days’ notice before a rewrite! They tried to do this to me on the set of Warriors, but even they knew it was a bad idea and that was Michael Bay, David. Michael Fucking Bay!”

“Valora, please calm down.” I feel really bad for David. It seems like he spends more time trying to calm down Valora than directing her in his actual film.

“No I will not calm down! Get the screenwriter on the phone. Or a producer? Can someone call Harvey Weinstein for me, dammit?”

I turn to look at the rest of the cast. We’re still sitting in the living room of the Talbot house and I can tell that most of the veteran actors wish they were anywhere but here. I would have to agree with them. This is so embarrassing.

Two weeks ago we all sat down and put in a formal complaint to David, the production company, and the studio about Valora’s behavior. The fact that the film is getting more press because of her antics is not sitting well with the more serious actors, and it is definitely taking it’s toll on the quality of the picture.

But we’re just lowly actors, of course, and we were reassured by the production company that they would speak with Valora and try to get her to calm down.

A lot of good that did. She’s now throwing her director’s chair across the floor in a fit of rage over rewrites.

“I cannot believe this,” William Macy mutters under his breath and I find that most of us are nodding in agreement.

I notice a group of people standing by the soundstage door and I realize it’s the makeup team. They’re watching Valora’s tantrum with a collective look of shock and awe. I really hope they manage to keep away from her hissy fit – she almost hit a grip with her script.

“I’m going to tell the union about this, David. I swear to God. You’re going to have SAG come down on your ass so fast for your maltreatment of your actors that you’ll never work in this town again!”

“You know Valora?” David begins and we all know that he’s just going to lie on his back and take it. “You can go tell SAG whatever the hell you want. You’re fired.”

And for the second time during this production, the set goes silent as the grave.

“Excuse me?” Valora asks incredulously.

“You’re fired, Valora. We’ve had enough of your shit and your constant bitching. You’re out.”

I have never seen someone go that shade of scarlet so fast in my entire life.

“You can’t do that! You have no right! You’re the director! Fuck you, David!”

And now things are getting thrown about the set in rapid fire. Valora has a pretty decent arm on her. Too bad her aim sucks because she’s not hitting her intended target, which is Academy Award nominated director, David Kinney.

“I have every right in the world when the integrity of my film and the safety of my crew is at risk. Do not make me call security, Valora. You can either leave of your own free will, or we’ll force you out.”

A production assistant behind David gets on his headset and is muttering something quickly into his microphone. Within two minutes, the stage door opens and two burly men in the studio’s uniform enter.

Valora looks from the security guards, to David, and back around to us. I’m really hoping she puts up a fight because that is something I will store in my memory vault and pull out when I’m having a particularly shitty day.

“Fuck you,” she growls at David before she turns to us, “Fuck all of you! You’ll so regret doing this. Your film is fucked! Good luck finding someone to replace me!”

She walks with the grace of a ballerina towards the security guards, her head held high. She’s poised as she makes her exit from the set, but the look of fury plastered on her face is unmistakable.

Her exit is punctuated with the slamming of the soundstage door. The set is quiet for a few more seconds and then someone in the shadows begins to clap. And suddenly everyone is cheering, ready to celebrate the demise of Valora Franics.

The only person who isn’t celebrating is David. He’s sat slumped over in his director’s chair, head in his hands looking totally defeated. The applause dies away and he still looks like someone has killed his firstborn.

“She’s right, you know,” he says quietly, but everyone can hear him in the cavernous room. “Where the hell are we going to find someone to shoot this entire film when we only have four weeks left? We can’t get another person in. We don’t have the budget. The studio is going to shelf this film. Fuck. Where are we going to find someone?”

And the set goes completely silent for the third time that day.

I can feel the sense of defeat amongst my fellow actors and it looks like the crew is feeling pretty low too. We’re all going to be out of a job, and I know the crew is feeling that more than the actors. I look at all the familiar faces surrounding me and realize that even though it’s great to have Valora gone, we’re all completely screwed.

But then my eyes land on Penny and everything becomes perfectly clear.

“Penny,” I say quietly and all of my cast mates turn to look at me with bemused expressions.

“What?” Melissa asks me.

“Penny,” I say, a bit louder. This time, everyone close enough to the set has heard me, including David and Penny as well.

“Who, the makeup girl?” David asks in bewilderment.

“Yeah. Have Penny read.”

--

What the fuck?

No, seriously, what the fuck is Justin snorting because I want some.

Everyone in the soundstage is looking at me like I’ve grown an extra head. I feel like I have. Is he really serious? Justin is suggesting I read, or audition, or whatever, for Valora’s place?

He is nuts.

My team is looking at me like I’m mental and the rest of the cast is, too.

 “And why would Penny read for this part?” David asks and I find myself asking the same question.

“I know she’s been helping Valora with her lines, and I read with her a few weeks back and seriously, David. She’s amazing. Better than Valora.”

“Well, we’ve got nothing else to do. Penny?” David turns to look at me and I find myself frozen to the spot.

And suddenly Justin has leapt off the couch and is walking straight towards me. I want to back away and run out of here and never come back. I’ll go work at a cosmetology school for the rest of my life. But this? This is insane.

“Come on Penny, just try it. Read the scene you did with me.”

“Justin, are you crazy?” I whisper to him ferociously, “I’m not an actor! I can’t do this kind of stuff. Why should I embarrass myself in front of all these people?”

“Well then, you have nothing to worry about. People will forget about it and if you aren’t good enough then Kinney won’t pick you. But it’s better than letting Valora win and putting everyone out of a job.”

I look at him for what seems like hours but really can only be a few seconds. I know that he’s right and I might as well give it a go, if only for shits and giggles. There isn’t a chance in hell that David will even consider me. He’s just doing this because he’s desperate and doesn’t want to shelf this production. I get it. I don’t want it to end either because that means I won’t get paid in full and Corbin, Raven, and Holly are screwed, too.

“Fine. But if I get laughed at, I’m kicking your ass.”

My heart is leaping into my throat as Justin grabs my hand and pulls me in the direction of the set, which is now being vacated by the rest of the cast. I don’t blame the dumbfounded looks they’re giving Justin and I as we stand in the middle of the living room. I feel like the biggest fool on the planet for letting him talk me into this.

“Just like in the trailer; you’ve got this, Lucy.”

I take a few deep breaths and suddenly I feel like I’m looking at Nathan and there aren’t a bunch of people watching us yell and cry at one another.

It feels like an out of body experience, like the Penny part of me is getting shoved into the background while this tornado comes forward and uses my body for its own purposes. It is the strangest feeling in the world, but somehow it just feels right.

Our words finally die away and I come rushing back, tears itching my cheeks and my breathing labored. Justin looks to be in the same shape and I feel like I’ve just run a marathon in five minutes.

And the soundstage is bathed in silence for the fourth time today.

I look over towards the crew and the rest of the actors who are deathly quiet.

Well, I gave it my best shot. I was obviously horrible. I shrug my shoulders at Justin and give him a half smile. I guess I need to start looking for another job.

But David Kinney is out of his chair and staring at the two of us like he just caught us having sex or something. I’m a little perturbed by his expression and I hope he doesn’t start yelling at me for wasting everyone’s time.

“She’s in.”

When I wanted Penny to read, I wanted her to get the part.

I didn’t want to throw her into the middle of a media shit storm.

But that’s exactly what happened when Valora found out that the production wasn’t getting the shelf and she had been replaced before she had even gotten off the studio lot. She had called every media outlet she could find and besmirched the name of the film and everyone involved.

None more so than Penny.

So naturally, everyone wants to talk to Penny, the rest of the actors, the director, the studio, basically everyone that has anything to do with the production of this film.

Penny, thankfully, doesn’t really know any of this because she doesn’t even have a public relations agent, or even an agent for that matter. It’s been three days since she signed on for the film and since then she’s been given a Taft Hartly into SAG, Valora’s old trailer, a very, very generous pay raise, and a plethora of studio executives kissing her ass. The only reason why I know people want to talk to Penny is I have Ken Sunshine, my own PR agent, banging my door down to give interviews about Penny and how the filming is going.

But I don’t want to deal with the media. Not yet at least. I’m in the middle of a production and I think all of us are just trying to ignore the unwarranted attention. There will be plenty of time to do interviews and get assaulted by the media when the promotion for the film starts after the movie has been edited and finally completed.

“Justin, have you seen Penny?”

I swivel around in my makeup chair and see Jude standing by the entrance. I’ve been on the lot since early this morning doing scenes with Clark. I know Penny got here early, but I think that’s a force of habit from her previous position; she isn’t shooting her first scene until after lunch.

And judging by the fact that Jude is neither in wardrobe or makeup, his first scene isn’t until later either.

“She’s locked herself in Valora’s old trailer. I haven’t seen her since she got on set this morning.” I explain. I’ve changed out of Nathan’s uniform of jeans and a Columbia sweatshirt and I’m glad I don’t have to act like Nathan during the entire lunch hour. I don’t know how crazy Method actors do it – pretending to be a character for the entire duration of the shoot. Thank God I don’t have to put on a foreign accent.

“I see. I tried phoning her last night, but I guess she’s trying to distance herself as much as possible from this whole ordeal. I don’t blame her.”

I don’t know if this is a dig at me. I’m not really sure how Jude feels about Penny being thrown into the middle of this production. I know they’re pretty good friends, but Jude and I are definitely not. It’s more of a professional relationship. Besides, there are times when I can’t really understand what he’s saying, what with his accent and all.

“Let’s go see how she’s doing,” I say quickly as I push myself out of the chair. I walk right past Jude and outside. The day is quite overcast for May and I’m really hoping that the June Gloom doesn’t rear its ugly head next week.

Jude quickens his pace and is walking along side me. We start talking about the media and how Valora is probably eating all this attention up. We’re all pretty sure that she’ll get picked up for another movie really soon, but honestly, I could give two shits about Valora and her future in the industry. She really was the worst person I have ever worked with in my entire professional career.

We approach Penny’s trailer and all the curtains are drawn and it definitely looks like no one is home. Maybe Penny really doesn’t want to be bothered and I try to voice this opinion, but Jude ignores it and raps sharply on the door.

He stands back next to me and I throw him a furtive glance as we wait for Penny to open the door. I have a feeling she’s just going to ignore us.

But two seconds later and the door swings open so quickly that it bangs against the side of the trailer before trying to slam shut on someone who is so obviously not Penny.

I have never seen this guy before in my entire life. His hair is blonde, curly, and naturally bleached by the sun. He’s tall and kind of lanky, but you can tell that he works out some. There’s a natural sparkle in his brown eyes and he smiles this mega-watt movie star smile that would make most leading men in the industry jealous as hell.

“How’s it hanging, dudes?”

He only has to say four words for me to come to the conclusion that this guy is very, very high.

“Hello,” Jude treads carefully, “You must be Penny’s brother, Pepper.”

What the hell kind of name is Pepper?

“Oh yeah, you guys are in the movie with Penny Lane. I get it. What can I do for you?”

“Can we see Penny?” I interject. I can only assume that this guy, her brother, is some kind of trailer guard and I’m pretty sure we’re about to get turned away.

He stares at us intently for a few seconds and I’m wondering if he’s having some kind of hallucination or something. His squints his eyes as he gives us another once over and then steps away from the doorframe of the trailer.

“Sure. Come on in.”

We follow Pepper into the trailer and the place is completely different from when Valora inhabited the place.

There are flowers everywhere and it seems like Pepper has set up his station at the little kitchen table. The guy is actually making paper chains out of construction paper and hanging them all over the trailer.

Is this guy for real?

He sits down at his workplace and immediately pulls the lid up on his laptop and picks up a pipe in the shape of an elephant. In all actuality it looks pretty fucking cool, but I’m more than positive David Kinney would have a heart attack if I showed up on set high.

“Penny Lane! Visitors!”

There’s a rustling of papers in the back and the quiet sound of someone cursing. Jude turns to look at me and we both smile. It’s actually kind of endearing when Penny manages to let an expletive fly.

“Pepper! I told you not to let anyone in!” she cries out and Pepper responds with a deep giggle.

“Well, I’m high!”

And suddenly Jude and I are laughing with Pepper as Penny pulls aside a beaded curtain of a four armed blue woman who I think is a Hindu goddess or something. I’m sure Pepper threw that in for good measure, and I’m already curious to see what the hell is in the darker recesses of the trailer.

She stops in front of Jude and I and I automatically feel bad for the girl. It looks like she hasn’t slept since Kinney put her in the production. There are horrid bags under her eyes and it already looks like she’s lost five pounds.

“Hi,” she says with a halfhearted grin while she tucks a piece of blonde hair behind her right ear. “Come on in the back. Pepper sometimes gets testy when his work is disturbed.”

I look over my shoulder at Pepper who is staring intently at the computer screen while he absentmindedly glues another circle closed on a new paper train.

Penny holds the beaded curtain to the side and allows Jude and I to walk into what seems to be a meditation room.

Multi-colored pieces of fabric are hanging over the windows, casting the room in an array of colors. There are a few paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling which causes Jude and I to duck our heads to avoid hitting them.

Whatever Valora had back here has been removed and instead there are a ton of different sized pillows thrown on the ground. There’s a small table against the back end of the trailer and it’s got a piece of incense burning. It smells like lavender and I feel really, really relaxed. It looks like the inside of a harem or something rather than a trailer on a film set. I give Penny a questioning glance and she motions towards the front of the trailer.

“Pepper decorated the place. He’s obsessed with Eastern culture and thought that a meditation room would keep me calm during all of this. It’s actually kind of working,” she explains with a smile before she plops down on a deep purple pillow. Jude and I follow suit.

The only thing that doesn’t make it look like it’s straight out of some Bollywood film are the various papers and books on crack addiction strewn about the floor, as well as a few bits of the script of the film.

“How are you holding up?” Jude asks after Penny gets some of her loose paper in order.

“Honestly? I have no idea,” she explains before she jams some of the paper into a book, “This has happened so fast I haven’t had time to really process it. I could hardly get out of my driveway this morning because there were people trying to take pictures of me. I have no idea how they found out where I live so quickly…”

God I feel like shit. If I hadn’t practically forced Penny to do this she would still be back in the makeup trailer relatively happy.

“It’ll die down in a few days, don’t worry, Penny,” Jude reassures her and I nod in agreement.

She looks down at her lap, bites her lip and nods quietly. And I feel even worse.

“Do you really want to do this?” I find myself blurting out. I don’t know, maybe it’s the incense, or the fact that this room is starting to get really, really hot. But I feel like I need to know that she’s doing it because she wants to, not because she has to.

“Not really,” Penny admits as she looks up, “but it’s not like I have a choice.”

“But of course you have a choice!” Jude interjects, “You always have a choice, Penny.”

“No! I can’t drop out of this,” she whispers fervently, “There’s four weeks left of production and Kinney’s said there’s not enough money in the budget or time for that matter, to bring someone brand new in. And if I turn back now and the project gets postponed, then that means everyone is out of a job. I don’t want to let anyone down.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed with this girl. I know plenty of people who would go running for the hills if this kind of pressure were being placed on them so quickly, but she is ever the responsible, hard worker. I know I probably would have told the studio to shove it if they asked such a big favor of me.

There’s a knock at the door and I can hear Pepper stumble about in the front to go answer it. I turn back to look at Penny who seems like she’s close to tears.

“Well, you’re going to be amazing,” Jude, says with a smile as he reaches over and places a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looks up at him with a tentative smile and nods before she reaches down and picks up one of her books, “And if you need any help from us, you’ll let us know, right? We’re here to help.”

“I know, thanks you two…” she’s about to go on, but Pepper has pushed himself through the curtain his eyes even more bloodshot than when we first met him.

“There’s a runner at the door for you guys,” he announces as he points at Jude and myself. He doesn’t wait for a response; merely turns around and heads back to his table of paper chains.

“Thanks for stopping by, I’ll see you on set,” Penny says as we get to our feet and head for the front of the trailer. Pepper is engrossed with something on Youtube and he suddenly starts to laugh voraciously.

“Penny! Oh man Penny, come here! Look at this chipmunk!”

Jude and I give Penny and Pepper Pot Head our goodbyes as I open the door and find the runner looking like he wants to curl up into a corner and sleep for days.

Guess Penny isn’t the only person running on empty around here.

We step onto the ground and just as the trailer door shuts, I hear Penny’s laugh. It’s higher pitched than usual and it doesn’t sound like someone who’s found something absolutely hilarious.

It sounds more like someone on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

It is the strangest thing to walk into the makeup trailer and sit down in the chair instead of attacking someone with brushes and powder. I told the production team and Kinney time and time again that I don’t need anyone to do my makeup, I can obviously do it on my own, but part of me feels like they need me around other people so I don’t have time to think about dropping out of this production.

I’ve thought about it a couple of time. I haven’t been getting much sleep because I can feel this pressure in my chest – so many people are counting on me to do this and do it well. If I didn’t have Pepper with my every day, cheering me on I would have probably dropped out already.

It doesn’t help that it’s getting harder and harder to leave my house every morning. The entire entertainment industry is interested in the girl who took over a role from the great Valora Francis and for some strange reason they want my picture and they want to know what I’m thinking every time I’m in their presence. I’m hoping that they’ll lose interest since I’m not talking to any of them.

Since taking the part of Lucy, Raven’s taken over as head of makeup and production pulled a girl named Krissy Hugh from one of the television shows that gets shot here every week. I haven’t really had much time to speak with her because at the moment I’m working twelve-hour days and I’m needed on set constantly.

We have to go back and film every single scene that Valora was in with the other actors and I feel absolutely terrible for making them go back and revisit scenes that were in the can over a month ago.

But the whole cast has been nothing but helpful. They keep telling me I’m a thousand times better to work with than Valora and they don’t mind redoing the scenes because they’re actually better.

I know they’re just humoring me. I still can’t believe Justin told me I should read for this part. I know he meant well, but I never expected in a million years that David Kinney would invest in me and trust me enough to take on this part.

And it seems like Justin feels guilty for throwing me in this predicament. I find him looking at me while we’re waiting for the crew to refigure the lighting for the next shot and it’s not contempt from when I yelled at him at that party a few weeks ago. It isn’t pity; if anything it’s concern and I find that to be very curious.

I try to push those thoughts away into the back of my mind as I step onto the set of Southern Sunrise. We’ve wrapped filming for the day and the cast and crew have gone home – except me. Pepper isn’t with me today because he found about a swell coming in around Manhattan Beach and took off this morning. Hopefully he’ll be back within the next couple of days; I miss having him around.

I’ve been filming for a few days and know the general layout of the house according to Lucy’s character, but I want to get a better feel of the place and I haven’t been able to do that with grips and best boys and cameramen running around and watching me like I’m the latest experiment gone wrong.

God, that camera. I was so nervous when it was being shoved in my face on the first day. I’ve never done camera acting before, just stage musicals and plays in high school. But I don’t know, to me it’s just like stage acting except you don’t need to project your voice or try to play to the last row since the microphone is right above you and at the end of the day, the audience is going to be staring at your giant face on some movie screen.

Oh Jesus, people are going to be seeing my face in extreme close up all across the country in a few months. God.

I walk through the set of the Talbot house, the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, and I finally come round the corner and find myself in Lucy’s room.

Art direction painted the room a deep purple and peppered the place with vintage rock concert posters. I smile at the Beatles poster that’s just off to the right of an iron wrought daybed. I wonder if someone put that there as a joke? The rest of the room is in a state of disarray. Clothes are littering the floor and peeking out of the dresser and nightstand. I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t really anything stuffed in there, probably just a clever trick by the set dresser to make it seem like things are busting at the seams in this room.

I make my way over to the bed and sit down near the nightstand. I almost turn the lamp on but realize that the generator for the set is turned off. The only light I actually have is the work lamp that’s positioned where Lucy’s bedroom ends and the rest of the soundstage begins.

Looking over at the beat up nightstand, I open up the bottom drawer and notice that most of the drawer is stuffed with rags – filler for the majority of the drawer. But the top drawer is full of things Lucy would probably find useful. I wonder if Valora actually thought it would be good to put things in there to help her find the character…I doubt that. It was probably someone on the set dressing crew.

It looks like a junk drawer, with the exception of the makeshift crack pipe shoved in the back of the drawer.

I’ve seen them in the books back in my trailer, and even made a few just so I could get the hang of it in case I ever have to do it for the film. But to hold one in my hands in this room that screams Lucy is making it all the more real for me.

Someone clears their throat near the edge of the set making me jump about a foot in the air. I look up and see Jude leaning against the set watching me intently. I feel like I’ve been caught about to do drugs and I immediately place the pipe on the nightstand. How long has he been standing there?

“I thought I was the only one here,” I say with a smile as he walks over towards Lucy’s closet, inspecting the woodwork and chips in the paint.

“I was finishing up some phone calls in my trailer and saw your car was still here. You all right?”

I nod even though ‘all right’ is the last thing I’m feeling. But how do I explain that all I want to do is crawl under Lucy’s bed and fall down whatever vortex happens to be there?

God I really am going crazy. I’m talking about vortexes. I’ve been hanging out with Pepper too much – the incense he puts in my trailer is going to my head.

“As well as I can be, I guess,” I lie. Well, it isn’t exactly a lie, I’m trying to see the good in all of this – everyone keeps their jobs and gets paid in full, the production still gets to happen, I ended up getting Valora’s salary (which I guess is unheard of and I nearly fainted when I got half of the paycheck after I signed the contract), and I get to work with people who are fast becoming good friends. So it isn’t a total loss.

“I remember my first big film,” Jude says as he makes his way over towards me. I watch him intently as he sits down next to me, studying the posters above the nightstand, “I was scared shitless. I was waiting for the director to realize that I was absolute shit or for the other actors to discover that the only reason why I got cast was because I had a fluke screen test. But you’ll see Penny, every day gets a bit easier and soon all of this,” he gestures to the set, the soundstage, the mess on the floor, “will become second nature.”

“But I don’t want it to be second nature!” I exclaim and I can feel my breath quickening, “This isn’t something I want to do. This whole thing is just so completely insane that I can’t wrap my brain around this. Why did I even think to sign on to this? I can’t leave my house with a camera being shoved in my face and I can’t even act! I…”

Jude shifting his weight on the bed to face me interrupts my rant. He looks at me with a commiserating smile as he rests a hand on my knee.

“You need to stop freaking out about this, Penny. We wouldn’t have put you in this if we didn’t think you couldn’t handle it. And the thing is, you’re good Penny, you’re actually bloody fantastic! Why you never pursued this is beyond me.”

I roll my eyes at him; I know this is just to build up my confidence. Pepper has been doing it nonstop the past few days and he hasn’t left my pot smoke trailer once since we’ve been on set. So I’m pretty sure everyone around this production is high as a kite – including me for even signing on to do this shit in the first place!

“It was something I was never interested in,” I explain with a huge sigh, trying to calm myself down, “This whole acting thing is something I was never good at.”

I can feel the panic starting to rise in my chest again and I guess Jude is reading the terror in my face because before I know it his hands are on either side of my face, his thumb gently stroking my right cheek.

“But you are good,” his voice is soft and I feel like if this were being filmed it would be an extreme close up, “You’re brilliant Penny, so brilliant.”

And before Jude can say ‘brilliant’ in his suave accent one more time, his mouth is pressed against mine.

It takes my brain a moment to catch up with my body because before I can logically deduce what is happening, my arms are wrapped around his neck and I’m kissing him back.

Well, this is a new development.

I want to pull away and voice some concern as he shifts his weight on the bed some more and lowers me down onto the mattress. But it’s been such a long time since I’ve been this close with someone and there’s only so much of my brother’s stoned company I can take.

Smiling against Jude’s lips, I reach down and finger the hemline of his shirt. He chuckles in response and an involuntary shiver runs up my spine. Is this really happening right now? Am I about to christen Lucy’s bedroom?  

His fingers untangle themselves from my hair and begin to work quickly on the buttons of my shirt. All I can do is run my hands across his stomach and kiss him. I have a feeling if he asked me to stand my knees wouldn’t work and I’d be on the floor in a heaving mass of I don’t even know.

God, he’s a good kisser.

“Penny, you’re so…” he mumbles against my lips and I’m about to tell him to shut the heck up and keep working on my shirt, but there’s a vibration in his pocket and we both stop what we’re doing.

I feel like a rabbit being caught in the middle of the road.

“Bloody hell, my fucking mobile,” Jude grumbles as he pulls himself off of me and digs his cell phone out of his pocket. He looks down at the screen and gives me an apologetic look. “It’s the nanny; I’m so sorry, Pen, I have to take this.”

I smile at him as he answers the call, hoping that he can make this a quick conversation and we can either continue here, or head off to one of our trailers.

“I understand. Yes. Thank you, Jessica.” He ends the call and places the phone on the bed, “Bollocks.”

“Is everything okay?” I ask as I sit up and lean against the wall of Lucy’s room.

“Everything’s fine, but I’m afraid I have to go. I completely forgot that the nanny requested time off tonight and I’m already thirty minutes late.”

“Well,” I begin with a wicked grin. What is going on with me? I am never like this, “You were a bit distracted.”

“I do believe you’re correct, Miss Asherbee. Are you going to stay here, or can I walk you to your car?”

I stand up and begin to button up my shirt. I turn around and watch Jude approach me, his eyes sparkling in the dim light.

“Please, allow me.” His voice is soft as he reaches out and begins to do up the buttons, pausing ever few seconds to kiss me lightly on the lips.

“You are making this very difficult,” I complain with a small laugh as he does up the last button and kisses me again.

“Well, you’ve been driving me mad for the past month, so consider this a light form of payback.”

I can feel myself smiling like an idiot as he reaches his hand out for me to take. We begin our stroll out of the soundstage and are soon walking down the rows and rows of stages heading towards the parking garage.

If I could make any walk last for forever it would be this one. Even though we’re not saying anything, I just can’t help but feel this insane connection that’s linked by our intertwined fingers. I don’t know if Pepper’s forced morning meditations are getting the better of me.

I almost groan in protest when we reach my car. I have never been less excited to see my Prius and I think Jude can sense something’s amiss because before I can register what’s going on, I’m being pressed against the driver’s side door having the life kissed out of me by a very attractive Englishman.

“Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?” Jude asks after he pulls away. I’m trying to formulate a response, but he’s currently playing with a strand of my hair and I know if I don’t say anything this will continue for a little while longer.

Jude nudges me with his nose and I laugh before I nod in agreement. My stomach is doing flips as he beams and kisses me again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, love,” he whispers and I reach up to kiss him again.

“Sure thing,” I respond before he pulls himself away and I unlock my car and get inside. I can see him walking away in the rearview mirror, still facing my car with his hands in his pocket and a boyish grin.

I know I made it a point not to get involved with actors romantically, and I know I definitely gave Justin a strong telling off a couple of weeks ago, but I think for Jude, I’ll have to make an exception.

There’s something peaceful about your own private trailer. It’s kind of like this negative space that you can seek refuge in from the busy whirlwind of a film set. Mine is simple enough, just a couch, a little bed in the back for the rare moment I can take a nap. I know there are some crazy people who have tanning beds and recording studios, and construction paper chains zig zagging through their own trailers, but it’s like my home away from home.

The only difference about my trailers now is my cell phone isn’t going off every ten seconds with a text from a girl I met out the night before. I don’t know what it is, but Penny giving me so much shit for it over a month ago kind of made me realize that I can’t act like I’m twenty-two for the rest of my life.

That doesn’t mean I fall off the wagon every now and again. Just last week I went on three dates with three different chicks, but I’m getting better, I swear. And I, unlike Valora and some other actors, don’t bring that personal life bullshit to the set. Except for that one time with Holly, but I made up for it and everyone is getting along fine.

And that makes this final week of production kind of bittersweet. I know we’re going to have a wrap party and I’ll be able to see David and the rest of the cast when we start promotion, but I have to say I’m going to miss coming to this set every day and working with people who take this seriously.

I’m sitting at my table in my trailer, trying to suck down a cup of coffee while I go over the dailies that the screenwriter passed out to the cast earlier this morning. We’re filming Nathan and Lucy’s big scene – the one that landed Penny the job – and she’s due over in my trailer any minute so we can go over our lines.

But she’s running a few minutes late and I’m sure it’s because she can’t unwrap herself from Jude.

Honestly, I can’t hate; they’re cute together. And Jude seems to be good for Penny. She isn’t walking around set anymore like she’s on her way to the electric chair. There’s actually a smile on her face and she’s even started to joke around with the other actors when we aren’t in full make up and costume.

I just hope her relationship with Jude won’t distract her for the rest of the shoot.

There’s a knock on my trailer door and I hear Penny call my name on the other side. I shout for her to come on in and she’s fuming as she makes her way inside, shutting the door behind her.

“Are you okay?” I ask tentatively. It looks like she’s ready to take my head off and I don’t know if she’s still channeling Lucy or if Penny’s just been having a really shitty day.

“Sorry,” she relents as she sits down next to me, “I’m just getting really frustrated.”

“With what? The scene?” I ask her and she shakes her head.

“I just don’t know how to deal with all this attention. I don’t want to complain, but if I see one more article or photo of me I’m going to scream.”

“Have you tried talking to Jude? He can help you with all this publicity, you know,” I point out.

“I know. But, I just don’t want to bother Jude with it. I like keeping the business and the personal side of things separate. I don’t want his publicist and her team speaking for me because I don’t want to have to argue about what other people think of our relationship. Am I making any sense?”

“Sure, I get you. If it’ll make you feel any better I can call my publicist and he can talk with you about it, maybe even take you on as a client,” I offer. I know for a fact that if I called up Ken and told him that the dark horse actress Penelope Asherbee wanted help in the public relations arena he would sign over his first born and his Ferrari to get her on his books.

“You’d do that?”

“Of course. What are friends for?”

“It would be nice to direct all the journalists and photographers and tabloids to someone other than my cell phone. I’m so tired of changing my number and telling them to piss off.”

“Well, if talking to Ken takes that added stress off of you, so much the better. Besides, you’ll need a publicist when we start promotion…”

“I’m not promoting,” Penny interjects firmly as she pulls her script out of her tote bag. “No way.”

I shrug my shoulders and pick up my own script.

“Want to run the scene and interject with the rewrites?”

“Sure,” Penny agrees and soon we’re running through the scene.

There’s something about acting with Penny that puts me at ease. She doesn’t half ass any script read, she throws herself in completely and I have no idea how she isn’t exhausted after doing multiple takes day after day. But the truth it, is makes me want to be a better actor, knowing that sharing the screen with this girl could make me look like shit in comparison. I know that sounds selfish, but it’s that competition that is making me turn out, I believe, the best performance of my career.

We run through the scene a few more times before there’s another knock on the trailer door. It opens and a runner pokes his head in.

“You guys are wanted on set. There’s a production meeting.”

Ugh. They probably want to talk about post-production, ADR and all that. I hate ADR with a passion.

--

In other filming news – the surefire indie hit, Southern Sunrise, is slated to end production this week and industry insiders are saying that it will be the talk of the fall season. When we last reported about the film, the talented, veteran actress Valora Francis was dismissed from the project after being unable to put aside her artistic differences with Oscar nominated director, David Kinney. A source on set told us almost immediately after Francis’s dismissal from set that she had been replaced and not by another actress.

Someone on set recommended that head make up artist of the production, Penelope Asherbee, should read for the part even though she, at the time, had zero training as a film actress.

“Don’t count Penelope out,” our film source divulged, “she is absolutely amazing and is slated to be the breakthrough star of this production. She’s even better than Francis and she’s set tongues in Hollywood wagging about what her next project should be.”

Asherbee and the studio could not be contacted for comment.

David puts the magazine down on his lap and everyone is dead silent as we all turn to look at Penny. She’s trying to sink as low as she can into her chair, but it’s proving difficult with Jude holding onto her hand.

“Amazing. Wonderful,” Harvey, one of our main producers compliments as he claps his hands. “I couldn’t have released a better article. This is good news for this film, people.”

We’re all sitting in a circle in the empty soundstage with David and the main producers of the film as well as the studio heads. I hate these meetings. Basically it’s a huge circle jerk and then the producers discuss the main destinations in the publicity tour.

The film is opening the Toronto Film Festival in September and then it’s a string of group magazine interviews, TV appearances, and photoshoots before we hit up L.A., New York, and London for the premieres.

“You’ll have two months of post production and then you all need to head up to Toronto for the week for the festival…yes Penny?”

I look over Penny who has her free hand held up, a panicked look plastered on her face.

“You know I’m not doing promotion, correct? I was just going to do the film and be finished.”

Everyone is watching Harvey with bated breath. I’ve heard stories of actors trying to reason with a Weinstein and when the actor is named, it’s usually followed by me asking ‘Who?’ You second-guess a Weinstein in this industry and you are fucked three ways to Sunday.

“That wasn’t part of your contract, Penny. It’s part of the job description,” he explains curtly. Penny opens her mouth to say something else but Harvey raises a hand and she closes her mouth immediately, “This is all in the contract you signed, Penny. If you had gotten a lawyer to go over it before you signed yourself to this part, you could have avoided the whole thing. So sorry, unless you want to pay a hefty fine, you’re doing promotion. End of story.”

I watch as Penny averts her gaze and nods in understanding. I feel for the girl, I really do. I want nothing more than for her to fade into obscurity where she’s happy, but the poor thing is going to be stuck in the public eye until the final premiere in November.

“Justin, are you still writing the title track for this film?”

I nod vigorously, “I’ve been toying around with some things, but I’m going to dedicate myself to the project full time once filming wraps in two days. I should have a cut for you in a week or so.”

Harvey smiles in agreement and claps his hand before letting us know that the meeting is over and we can get back to filming.

Thank God.

I get out of my seat and am surprised when I see Penny approaching me.

“That was some article huh?” I say jovially.

“Ugh,” she groans, “I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. Can you give me the number of your publicist? I can’t take it anymore.”

“Sure,” I smile before I pull my phone out and quickly relay Ken’s number to Penny. She stores it in her phone and gives me a quizzical look when she realizes I’m still staring at her.

“What?”

“Do you want the number of my agent, too?”

“Why would I want the number of your agent, Justin? An agent is someone who will want to get me more films and auditions. I don’t want that. I’m promoting this film once postproduction finishes and after that I’m done with this whole thing. But thanks for Ken’s number, I’m going to give him a call on the way to make up.”

“No problem. I’ll see you in there, and good luck with Ken.”

“Thank you Justin, seriously. I owe you one.”

I watch her walk out of the soundstage, her phone pressed against her ear and I can’t help but think that she owes me absolutely nothing.

We’ve been finished for over two weeks and it is so liberating not having to go onto set every day and put myself in Lucy’s shoes. I know that all the publicity and attention getting shoved in my face was daunting and stressful, but it was nothing like being shoved in the mind of an egotistical, charismatic and emotionally fucked up crack head.

And I think having a publicist deal with my entire personal/public persona is doing wonders as well. The direct phone calls from random tabloids like TMZ and Us Weekly have stopped. Instead, they go to my publicist and he dutifully tells them that I’m not interested.

There was a moment of apprehension when the first thing Ken wanted me to do was release a joint statement with Jude saying we’re in a relationship. He said it would be easier than having Jude’s people stating over and over again that we were just friends and he was helping me adjust to fame.

And I have to say that was yet another weight on my shoulders being taken away; now I don’t have to hide what I feel for Jude, we don’t have to be so secretive about our relationship and that’s wonderful.

The downside to that is the media is obsessed with our romance or whatever the heck they’re calling it right now. Every time we go out they’re always on our tail, taking pictures, asking us questions. It’s pretty daunting, but I guess it’s just like getting ready for a recital or something – you get better with practice.  

Jude’s gone back to London for a few days to drop his kids off with their mother. He’s been gone for about three days and I miss him terribly, but we still speak every day. But I’m glad that I get to spend the day with Pepper and Elle.

Pepper and I managed to pull Eleanor away from her work long enough to venture onto Sunset and pick out a chic eatery for lunch.

“It’s so gorgeous outside,” I exclaim to my siblings as we get out of Eleanor’s car, “this place has a nice terrace, let’s get a seat here.”

We look like a bunch of hippies as the hostess seats us; I’m in a long lavender skirt and a white blouse. It still amazes me that I have to leave the house and be incognito with a giant floppy hat and equally huge sunglasses. Eleanor is wearing her trademark high wasted flair jeans and a billion necklaces over her white T-shirt. And Pepper, of course, is wearing his customary board shorts, ripped up black T-shirt, thick scarf (even though it’s July), and flyaway blonde hair.

“Young Penny and I are so happy you could come out with us, Elder Elle,” Pepper exalts as he stretches out in his seat, getting approving glances from the girls seated next to us.

“I wish you would stop with those nicknames, Sergeant. In case you forgot, Penny is actually older than you,” Elle points out and Pepper merely grins in response.

“Yes, but her spirit is younger.”

“I doubt that,” Elle and I say at the exact time, which causes all three of us to laugh.

We browse through the menu and quickly place orders for drinks and appetizers. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes, allowing my skin to drink up the hot California sun. The only way this day could be more perfect is if Jude were with us.

“Excuse me, are you Penelope Asherbee?”

My eyes shoot open and I peer at a man standing on the other side of the fenced off terrace with a giant camera around his neck. I shake my head violently and try to give him my best smile.

“I-I get that all the time,” I stammer and before I know what’s happening he’s quickly taking my picture.

“What are you doing?” Elle demands and I try to silence her by putting a hand on her arm. “Can’t you see we’re trying to eat lunch here?”

“Sorry lady, just doing my job.”

“Well do it elsewhere,” she snaps and I want to groan in protest when another photographer crosses the street out of curiosity.

“We’ve got Penelope Asherbee here,” my first assailant proclaims and I just want to die as the second photog pulls out his phone and makes a few phone calls in a language I can’t place.

“Can you leave please?” Elle asks politely. I turn to look at Pepper, but he’s currently inspecting the gum underneath the table like it’s a social experiment gone awry. I feel like I should be ducking under the table, too because I have never been so embarrassed in my life.

“Penny, can you tell us about your relationship with Jude?”

“Are you thinking about adopting his kids?”

“Is it true he’s still seeing his ex-wife? What are your thoughts on that?”

I’m trying to keep the dumb smile plastered on my face, but there are more photographers approaching and I can feel my breath catching in my throat. My hand tightens on Elle’s arm and she gives me a comforting look before she asks if they can leave us alone again.

“Tell us about your role in the movie. What was it like working with people with so many talent?”

“Are you as talented as them? Do you think you’re better than them?”

“Did you really get Valora fired so you could get her part? What about your relationship with the director? Is it true you worked the casting couch and he tried to put you in Valora’s role? Care to comment?”

I can feel the tears burning the back of my eyes and I’m thankful for my sunglasses. Pepper is suddenly out of his seat and is trying to block me from the photographers, but they merely hold their cameras up over his frame and continue to shoot me.

“We need to get out of here. Pepper take Penny to the car. I’ll go take care of the check,” Elle explains as she pries my hand off of her arm and heads inside. I look towards Pepper and I find that I’m completely rooted to the spot. I can’t get out of the chair.

“Come on, Young Penny. To the car, to the car. We will be safe in the car.”

He holds onto my hand and we turn our back on the photographers who merely start to run down the side of the terrace still filming us. I feel like doing the clichéd Hollywood Starlet and holding my hand up to my face to block them, but right now I’m just surprised that my legs are actually working.

The photographers are still following us, screaming questions and demanding answers. I try my best to ignore them, but before I can get to the car, the side of my head is on fire and my eyes begin to smart.

“Hey! Knock that off!” Pepper yells and my heart leaps into my throat. I don’t think I’ve ever heard my brother take on a threatening tone with anyone. This time I can’t control the tears and by the time Pepper has stowed me safely in the backseat, I’m close to losing it completely.

“Penny, where can we go? We can’t really go home because they’ll just follow us. We need someplace safe,” Pepper says and I begin to freak out even more because I can hear the apprehension and anxiousness in his voice too. It takes me a moment to realize that the right side of the car is surrounded by paparazzi. Why the hell do they care so much?

“Penny?”

“Penny! Penny! Look this way Penny! Penny!”

“Penny!”

“What?” I roar and I realize that I’ve almost verbally taken the head off of my sister. She’s sitting in the driver’s seat and looking back at me with concern.

“Where can we go?”

“I don’t know. I just…Justin!” I exclaim, “Justin lives like, five minutes away.” I chuck my phone at Pepper, whose back is turned to the passenger side window, trying to block the photographers who are still pressed up against the car. “Call him.”

“Right away, Young Penny. Elder Elle let us drive forth and away from this madness.”

“Pepper, you are so fucking weird, I swear,” Elle mutters under her breath as she starts the car.

“Penny! Penny over here, just look this way once!”

“Oh my God, Elle would you drive?” I yell at her when I realize that she isn’t even moving.

“I don’t want to hit any of them,” she retorts and I can feel my heart quickening. Pepper is having a hushed conversation on the phone and I want nothing more than to curl up into a ball and never unfurl myself.

“Just drive!” I bellow.

“Yes, Elle! Tally ho! Justin said to go to his place.”

My sister finally gets the picture and she steps on the gas and gently eases onto Sunset Boulevard.

Thank God.

--

I was kind of surprised to get a call from Penny out of the blue. We’ve been out of production for two weeks and aside from seeing her at the wrap party, I’ve seen neither hide nor hair of her except for when I see her in the news.

So I was even more taken aback when I picked up the phone and it was Pepper on the line with a bunch of people screaming in the background.

“What the hell is going on, Pepper?” He quickly explained the situation – that paparazzi bombarded Penny at lunch and they were in a Mexican stand off in her sister’s car.

“She said you live close; can we stop by?”

“Of course. She knows where I live.”

“She’s not in any state to dispatch directions, dude,” Pepper clarified and I quickly relayed directions before he got off the phone.

After I got off the phone with Pepper, I made my way out of my home studio and went to wait in the dining room that overlooks my front yard. I’ve only been waiting for a few minutes so I’m shocked to see a Ford Focus pull into the driveway so quickly.

I head outside immediately, the car barely stopping before Penny erupts from the backseat in tears.

“I don’t understand why they’re so interested! Why can’t the leave me alone? Don’t they know I don’t fucking want this? I just don’t understand!” She’s ranting to herself and I don’t know if I have ever seen her this upset.

Pepper and another woman get out of the car. I’m assuming that’s Eleanor, Penny’s older sister and they both look at a loss for words. I walk over to them as Penny leans against the car still muttering to herself and trying to suppress her tears.

“What should we do?” Eleanor asks me as Pepper digs into his pockets.

“She needs weed, it’ll calm her down,” he says matter of fact. Eleanor rolls her eyes at him and he shrugs in response before she walks over to her sister and tries to put a comforting arm on her shoulder.

“Don’t touch me right now, Elle. Just don’t fucking crowd me, okay? Jesus,” Penny seethes as she throws her sister’s arm off her shoulder. I watch with my mouth open as calm, rational Penny throws her floppy hat down onto the ground and stalks to the other end of the driveway.

“I have never, ever seen her like this,” Eleanor says sadly as she walks back towards Pepper and me. She introduces herself and I smile at her with encouragement.

“Why don’t you guys go inside and make yourself at home. I’ll go talk to her.”

I don’t know if this is a good idea. I mean, if she’s going to turn her own sister away while she’s having this nervous breakdown what makes me think she’s going to talk to me?

It sounds weird, but I’ve actually been watching Penny’s press coverage since filming ended and I’m amazed at how much Hollywood is jumping down her throat – and this is before they’ve even seen her act.

The sad part is, Penny wants nothing to do with this part of filming – the promoting and the recognition. She told us time and time again on set that she was doing it as a favor, to keep friends employed, and to not let the rest of the cast and crew down. It really is a selfless act, but the industry doesn’t see it that way, because it’s normal for everyone to have another motive.

Penny doesn’t.

She’s so guarded about going out – wearing big hats, frumpy clothes to disguise her body, enormous glasses – she’s trying to protect herself. And most of the time I’ve seen pictures of her, it’s when she’s going out with Jude.

And in every picture I’ve seen of the two of them, it looks like Jude loves every single minute of the attention.

Not that I can blame him for liking the attention. He’s an actor, any attention is good publicity and he just so happens to be dating the mysterious Penelope Asherbee so naturally people are going to be all over them.

But Penny isn’t an actor and Jude should realize that.

I’ve finally reached Penny although I don’t know if she realizes that I’m standing behind her. I clear my throat to let her know I’m in her presence and I take a step back as she turns around quickly, tears still in her eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes…No. I don’t know,” her voice cracks and I find that she can’t look me in the eyes, “that was so scary. I think I got hit in the head…” she lets her voice trail away as she gingerly reaches up with her fingers and brushes her blonde hair away to reveal a pretty nasty bump just off the center of her forehead.

“Ouch,” I wince, “We can put some ice on it inside,” I add as I reach out and brush my fingers around her goose egg. She nods and bites her lip and I notice the fresh wave of tears that are threatening to fall from her blue eyes.

“I think some of the photographers followed us here. They might be outside your house, I’m sorry.” She begins to cry and I feel for her, I really do. Before I know what I’m doing, I reach out and brush a few tears off her cheeks.

“Don’t worry about it, Penny. They’ve known where I’ve lived for years. Don’t cry.”

“Sorry,” she retorts, doing her best to smile. She’s quiet for a moment before she blurts out, “How do you live like this? How can you handle these people in your life every single day?”

“It’s a small price to pay to do something I love every day,” I say with a shrug. I reach out and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I think I’ll be fine,” she smiles before she passes me and heads towards the house. I shove my hands in my pockets and follow her, glad that she’s finally starting to calm down. “Thank you for letting us crash your house.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can stay here as long as you want because the last time I checked your house is being staked out twenty-four-seven and you have like, zero security,” I laugh as she scrunches up her nose in disdain, “You might want to get that taken care of.”

“No,” she responds quickly, “I know that this will all blow over once the film comes out and if I splurge on security I’ll have a house with a huge fence and security cameras. And why will I need that when this is all said and done?”

“You have a point,” I explain as we walk up the front steps and enter the house.

It looks like Pepper has already started smoking his pot because he has a faraway look in his eyes as he stares at a piece of artwork hanging in my front hall. I look past Pepper and his reverie and notice that Elle is sitting on the stairs that lead into my sunken living room and she’s petting Buckley, a huge smile on her face.

“Okay,” I say clapping my hands together to alert Penny’s siblings that we’ve returned from our actor pow-wow out front, “I don’t know about you guys, but if we’re going to be smoking or hanging out or whatever, then we need to watch Labyrinth.”

“Oh. My. God,” Pepper interjects as he tears his eyes away from my painting, “I like you, man. I mean, I know you were kind of a dick a few months ago when you were mean to Holly Holiday and Young Penny and I had to go save her, but you have mentioned Labyrinth. You’re like my soul brother, you know my favorite movie.” I watch dumbfounded as he puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a grinder.

He presents it to me and I feel like King Arthur. I steal a glance at Penny and I’m glad that she’s trying to suppress her laughter; at least her spirits are looking up.

“Here my friend,” Pepper says with a huge grin on his face, “Take all the kush you want from my stash. A disciple of Bowie the Goblin King is always welcome to my cannabis supply.”

 --

You know, I think I’m starting to dig this Pepper dude. Sure he has a funny way of talking and it looks like he hasn’t showered or properly groomed himself in weeks, but the guy has some high quality weed and…shit man I am so high right now.

I’m pretty sure we all are, but it has definitely made watching Labyrinth more enjoyable and it seems that Penny has even calmed down from her scare earlier today.

“It has always been a dream to achieve the same height and shagginess of Bowie’s hair in this film,” Pepper muses as he shoves a cheeto into his mouth. I remember showing him the small pantry I have off of my kitchen that’s reserved for food just to cure the munchies. I thought his eyes were going to bug out of his head. I vaguely remember him giving me a half hug explaining that my Munchie Pantry was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and it was something he would covet for as long as he lived in this world.

The guy is fucking weird, but like I said, he’s got some good weed and he’s funny as fuck when he’s baked.

We’re nearing the end of the movie, the part where Sarah finally makes it into the Goblin King’s castle to find her brother. I tear my eyes away from the screen to look at the Siblings Asherbee and see they are all engrossed with the film. The characters on the screen begin to speak and I see Pepper’s mouth move in sync with the dialogue in the film.

To say this is this guy’s favorite film is an understatement.

“I am totally naming my first born or my dog Jareth,” Pepper mutters under his breath in wonder just as Penny’s phone starts to ring.

I watch her check the caller ID and she smiles before she looks up and notices I’m watching her. “Gotta take this,” she explains before she rockets off the couch and heads towards the kitchen.

“Hey Jude,” Penny says and I can hear the smile in her voice even with her back to me.

Pepper and Eleanor throw their heads back and laugh in unison before they start to sing, “Don’t make it bad! Take a song and make it better! Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better!”

 God, they must have had The Beatles instilled in them since before conception.

I watch as Pepper pauses the film and rises from his seat on the couch. He reaches for his sister and she places her hand in his as he lifts her from the couch and they begin to dance around the living room, singing the song at the top of their lungs.

Shaking my head at their lunacy, I too get up from the couch and head towards the kitchen wanting to grab some cookies out of the Munchie Pantry.

Okay, so maybe I’m also trying to eavesdrop on Penny’s conversation, but that’s not the only reason I’m heading into the kitchen.

I notice her leaning on the island, the smile on her face replaced by an expression of concern. It seems that Jude is making some long winded speech on the other line.

“I’m fine, I promise,” she begins, “I swear. I mean, I can’t believe I was on the news over there so quickly….I was a bit taken aback to begin with, but I’ve had to calm down. No Jude, I’m fine. Really, I would tell you if I wasn’t…” I lose her strain of conversation as I head into the pantry and grab the Chips Ahoy! When I return, she’s still on the phone, “I’ll be there to pick you up on Thursday, promise….Okay. Yes. Love you too, bye.”

She puts her phone back in her pocket and looks up at me with a smile. I must look like a fucking heffer with a bag of cookies in my arms. I stand rooted to the spot as she saunters over to me and grabs the bag from me. I watch as she opens the bag and shoves a few cookies unceremoniously in her mouth.

“Govvlin Ting,” she says with a huge smile before we both start laughing and head back into the living room.

You know, for the first time since she signed on as an actress, this is the first time I’ve ever seen Penny so relaxed. And I really like that.