Memphissoul81: No matter how long it takes, this lifetime or the next, I won’t give up searching for you.
~~~
Justin tore his eyes away from Astoria’s, but it wasn’t easy. He had fallen in love with her eyes the first time she took his order at the Daily Grind. They were the sort of green that seemed to lighten and darken depending on the type of shirt she wore. He liked it light, especially. It reminded him of emeralds. He watched a tour bus moving around the busy streets before looking at her again.
She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and let it drop behind her shoulders while sighing. She licked her lips—her tiny pink tongue standing out in contrast to her red lips—and sighed again. Nervous habit, maybe? “If she doesn’t want to be found,” her voice quivered, “Maybe she has a good reason. Maybe she doesn’t want to disappoint you when you meet her.”
He sucked in his breath at her words. He wanted to crawl into her brain and nestle himself inside, figure out what she was thinking. Was she thinking about telling him the truth? Did she not want to? Was she wishing she’d never responded to his e-mail in the first place?
He needed to back her into a corner. Make her see that there was no way out of it. He’d bluff his way through finding someone else if he had to, but he didn’t want to find someone else to help him. He wanted her. He wanted her to realized who he was, that he knew who she was, and that they were perfect for each other. He couldn’t go along with the charade much longer, pretending now to know her when he knew her inside and out.
Finally, he leaned back in his seat. “I’m going to find her, regardless of the outcome. I have to find her. She’s been running through my mind since we’ve started talking. Girls like this don’t exist but…she does. I think–no–I know you’re the best person for this job but I can find someone else.”
That had to do it. He watched her face eagerly, to see any change in expression. Maybe he’d scare her into confessing now? No, she was too strong for that. He knew that. It was a cheap trick, but he had to get his plan to work.
“You seem determined.” Her words wobbled.
Justin smiled a bit. He was a jerk. But it was worth it. He thought she was so beautiful, inside and out. Yet, she seemed so unaware of it and that’s what made him fall for her even more. She wasn’t being modest, she honestly wasn’t aware. She had a sort of armor on her, invisible armor, in person, but through her letters she was see through. Easily read.
But only when hiding behind her computer.
“I’m going to find her,” Justin said firmly. “It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.”
“Weren’t there clues left in her e-mails? Did you look hard enough?”
“I’m not a between-the-lines sort of guy,” Justin laughed. “It’s how I don’t understand girls and their motivations. They’re too complex. Besides, I only really use my computer for business, except for this instance, I don’t have time, with my sort of life.”
Astoria nodded as if she knew. Which she did, he realized. He didn’t talk about his life that much but it was enough for her to guess what he did without him having to reveal his name. “What’s her name?”
Justin scoffed at her act. “She goes by Bumblebee.”
“You don’t know her name?”
I know everything about her but her name! I even know what she looks like! I have her photo! He was about to blurt that out but he held his tongue. It would be too much too soon. He’d probably scare her away, but she was so close already. He then realized how funny it was that he knew everything but her name. He had a picture but, of course, it wasn’t hers, was it?
He looked at her again and took the time to get immersed in the vast tide of moss. “I know I care about her. I know she’s different. I know she’s special. I know I want to meet her. And I know I’m going to find her.” But why won’t you let me find you, Astoria? What are you so afraid of?
Her face harded into a sort of mask but Justin knew it was a defense mechanism. Beneath it she was soft, had a tender heart, and a warm soul. If only she’d say yes already and put him out of his misery of hanging on by a threat. If she spent time with him, he’d be able to gain her trust. She trusts me as Memphissoul, how hard can it be for her to trust me as me?
“You can take time to think about it, if you’d like,” Justin said to her hesitation. She blinked and looked her doe-like eye at him. He had to turn away or else he’d be staring too long and he was sure she’d find that too weird. Unsettling, even. “I want to at least find someone by the end of the week so, if you’re too busy—“
“No!” She yelped and he almost jumped. “I’ll help you.”
Hook, line, and sinker.
“I can start in two weeks. I—“ she paused, looked around, and lowered her voice, “I have to finish a manuscript first.”
“That’s fine. Evenings work best for me, if it works for you,” Justin stated.
“Evenings?” She questioned, wrinkling her nose. “Can’t you just…print them for me?”
“I wouldn’t feel right about printing something so personal, let alone sharing them with you in the first place. I hope you understand.” He’d rehearsed that so many times that it didn’t even feel like a lie to him anymore. She bit her plump bottom lip. “If you’d rather I find someone else…” he baited again.
She closed her eyes briefly and then shook her head. “It won’t be a problem.”
“Great!” Justin was basically beaming now. “I’ll see you in two weeks.” He got up from the table and moved towards the door. As he pushed it open with his back he added, “But I’ll see you here before then.”
He chuckled as her back stiffened and he stepped out onot the busy L.A. streets.