It's been a few weeks and not too much has happened. I am pretty renowned here in Florida and also LA. My album is in the works and my video is being dropped in a week, the premier is during the Boys' concert the 22nd. I'm nervous and excited, I can't explain it any other way. I sit at the soundboard with my daughter, mixing my newly recorded song, introducing her to the behind the scenes elements that go into creating an album. We laugh as we play with the pitch and speed of my voice. "Momma?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"For you three to see dreams come true."
"Will you and Joshie ever make it forever?" Childhood curiosity is funny at times and spur of the moment.
"What? You mean get married?" I ask, placing my chin on her small shoulder.
"Yeah, that."
"Not yet. Remember that we told Ange that Josh and I will be engaged for a long time, when he and I know-"
"All of us will know," she finishes. "Why Joshie?"
"He's loving, good to us, spends time with us, tells us he loves us, helps us and I really love him," I tell her.
"I like how he makes us happy," she adds.
"Me too, babygirl. He treats us unbelievably well."
"He tucks us in when he's home."
"He comforts me when I need it."

~~~~~
"No, I don't believe in abortions because the fetus is a living thing and I look at it like murdering a child before it has a fair chance," I say, looking at the guys interviewing me for the National Right To Life organization and Rolling Stone.
"Are you a Catholic? How did you come to the conclusion?"
"I've worked with Carenet and I don't believe in abortion. I'm not a practicing Catholic, but my grandma had taught me that killing anyone is wrong, even if it is a harmless and defenseless unborn child."
I sit here wearing a pair of faded denim jeans and a green Danskin long sleeved shirt, pulling on the bottom of my sleeve. We're in the studio at my house and I look at Josh, being my co-manager, and he nods with a smile on his face. "Ok, thanks for your time and we appreciate you taking the time to have this interview," the guy says, standing up and letting his partner take a few pictures of me before leaving.

"That interview felt like it took absolutely forever," I mutter to myself.
Josh comes back down the stairs as I turn my back to the door and bend over the sound board, unknowingly enticing Josh to stand behind me. He quietly walks over to me and grabs my hips. "I want to do it right here and now," he groans in my ear, grinding me from behind.
I wiggle my ass against his crotch and hear him hiss, wanting to give into his desire. Only two interruptions can stop us-a physical visitor or a phone call, of course the latter has to happen and I check my caller ID to find out that it's my main manager. "Hey, Ush," I greet once I press the cell to my ear after accepting the call.
"Hey, ghetto. How comes the album? What about the interviews? How are the kids? Are you and JC good?" he rattles off as fast as he can.
"Five more tracks for the album, the interviews were a range of awkwardly personal to boringly basic, kids are great, Josh and I are doing great. More to it than that, I know it."
Josh leads me to the couch by my hand and sits, pulling me onto his lap. I'm looking into his cerulean orbs and he's looking into mine, enjoying our moment. "I have to be honest, there is more-I got you on the Today show and the VMAs."
"When?"
"Today show is slotted for August 19 and VMAs are August 28. The Today show would also like to have you appear again on release day. FYE is requesting signings in Boston, Florida, NYC, LA and somewhere else in Massachusetts."
"Leominster, most likely. What am I performing for the Today show the first go 'round? For the VMAs?"
"They want 'Phantom'. The Today show is more interview than performance."
"That works. Could you please get a list of the questions they have in mind and e-mail them to me?"
"Sure, I can have them in the next couple days. You're holding steady at #3 on the hot 100 singles list, you're two spots up from JB."
"Sweet!"
"We have an album meeting September 16, Orlando at 11a."
"Works for us-the kids will be school. That it?"
"You have interviews with Teen People, Tiger Beat, Bop, MTV and VH1 over the next two weeks." He gives me the deets (details) and I write them in my planner notebook. "MTV also wants an interview for the VMAs, the day of, I'm trying to talk them into a 'Diary' special for the weeks leading to, during and just after the album drop," he tells me.
"The day of the VMAs, yes and we'll get in talks about that special."
"Good deal, ghetto. Talk to you in a few days."
"Aight, deuces." I hang up and rest my head on Josh's chest, sighing. "Fuck, I'm busy for months."
"I know, I've been there," Josh reminds me.
"I remember, I only followed your career," I quip.
"We should try to get more done while they're out."
"How many tracks have been laid down in all?"
He closes his eyes, counting them. "Something like 13."
"Six more enough to make half an album?"
"You're doing 25 tracks?"
"I like that, 13 on one disc and 12 on the other."
"So we're doing three versions-one with 12, one with 13 and the double disc. They have varying hidden tracks, the only one remaining the same on all of them is our duet."
"Ok, Producer Man. How about we get a few tracks done and take the weekend off?" I propose.
He rocks his head side to side, contemplating the pros and cons of doing so. "We have to finish the tracks by August 9th, we have to start mixing and setting them for the album."
"I can do that, Josh, but we also need time to ourselves. We have…" I tell him, pulling out my iPod to accurately count the ones we've already recorded and mixed, "17 recorded & mixed, four that need mixing and nine that need to be recorded. We're golden."
"That's 30 songs!" he announces with surprise.
"Um, yup. C'mon, we need a break," I whine.
"Just this weekend and then after the kids are dropped off with the guys, we get as much as we can recorded Monday. We might be able to get 5 or 6 done Monday, the rest Tuesday and spend the rest of the time mixing them," he plans out loud.
"We should be done by the 9th," I point out.
"We most likely can be done before that."
"Good, then we can focus on the appearances and interviews and photo shoots."
"The fun stuff," he groans.
"At least most of it is here or at your Winter Park property. Only the tv stuff is in NY and we have interviews there too."
"You have this all planned?"
"No, it's what Ush set up, remember?" I reply, picking up and dropping the planner notebook. "I enrolled the kids for school already, got their dentist and doctor appointments set up and went food shopping around studio time and publicity interviews."
"Whoa! You act like super mom now that we've gotten over so many humps."
"Just trying to keep busy now that we're winding down on the album, seeing as it's almost complete."

July 21, 2011

Today is the day Nick and the Boys came to Florida. How he woke her up was, uhm, quite unconventional. Yeah, that fits it. How unconventional, you ask? Alright, I'll rewind to just before he woke her up.

I knew today would be a busy day for her between recording and seeing Nick and the other 8 guys. Today and tomorrow are interview free, she had requested it to be months ago. I'm fresh out of the shower and getting dressed when I hear someone heavy running up the stairs, straight for our room. I quickly stride into the room and see Nick pop his head into the room, smirking evilly as he signals for me to stay quiet. I shake my head no, silently telling him not to do whatever he could be thinking and wince when he jumps on the bed, clearing her side entirely. "Acey, quit it. Bubbie, stop sé. Aaliyah Leilani. Monster, I'mma whoop yo ass," she warns, kicking at Nick's feet and he falls off my side of the bed, landing on his side. "That sounded heavier than Aaron, just by a little," she observes, looking at me as she crawls over to my edge of the bed.
I kiss her, softly. "Because it is heavier than Aaron and older too."
She finally drops her eyes onto a cross legged Nick sitting on the floor, rubbing the back corner of his head. "Jack ass," she scolds.
"Morning to you, too, girl."
"Yeah, morning." Her tongue slips out between her lips and she scrunches her nose, Nick reciprocating the motion.
I shake my head. "Didn't your brother warn you?" I ask him as she stands on the bed and she dismounts, heading for the bathroom.
She doubles back and playfully kicks his side with her bare foot. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" he claims, laughing.
"Next time, just shake me awake. It just might give me enough of a start to jump out of bed faster," she quips, helping him up with a huge smirk on her face.
"We have a busy day today," he announces, hugging her tightly.
"Lemme shower," she says. They release each other and she gives me a kiss, looking in my cerulean orbs after. "You sure you're okay taking the kids alone?"
I run my fingers through her hair, scratching her scalp. "Absolutely, I have Tyler and Aaron helping me."
"They're just as bad as the kids!" she jokes.
We laugh and I kiss her again. "Not when it comes to our babies," I argue.
"I can tell my Icky?"
"Sure." She nods, grabbing a set of clothes and a towel before going for the bathroom to shower. I look at Nick and smile, making the bed. "She has some major news for you, I promise it's good."

She walks down the stairs and twists her hair up, clipping it in place. "Unmanageable mess," she mutters, looking around. "Where'd the kids disappear to?"
"Lance, Chris and Justin came and got them, they wanted to 'borrow' them," I tell her, pulling her close.
"I think I should tell him now," she whispers.
"Tell me what?" he asks, starting up her Gamecube.
She walks over, turns off the system and stands in front of the television. "That's my system."
"That's it?"
"No. We plan on getting my tubes untied around next Christmas."
"Ok?" he asks, not catching on.
"We will be trying to have the baby naturally."
"You told me and I told Chris, remember?"
"Who doesn't know?"
"The other 7 guys I'm touring with, not counting Brian because you told him first."
"Are they up yet?"
He pulls out his cell and sends a mass text to them, all 8. His phone beeps 8 different times and he laughs at a couple. "Yes, they're awake and on the way here."
"Geeeereat!" she sarcastically remarks, a knock at the door.
Nick motions to the front door. "Not my house, I'm the guest," he tells her, pouting.
"You nerd!" she quips, pushing him backward into the couch by his forehead as she passes by the sectional.
She opens the door and immediately becomes wrapped in at least five sets of arms, from every angle. "Missed you guys too." They step back and we see AJ, Howie, Jordan, Brian, Mark, Donnie, Joey and Danny. "Am I that missed?" she jokes.

AJ pulls his sunglasses down, looking over them at her. "That guy, kid, whatever you call him-"
"Nerd, Icky, It," she fires off random names she calls him.
"-has been on my last nerve since, ohhhhh, a week after leaving Boston."
"Stop lying, man," Nick says.
She stands there, holding the door for a few awkward seconds. "So, who am I riding-"
"JC," Nick interrupts.
"Me," AJ chirps.
"-with? No, AJ and you need a life, Icky," she finishes.
Once Jordan finishes laughing at the joke Nick and AJ made of her innocent question, he gives her a proper answer. "You'll be my passenger."
"Who else?"
"Just me, Nick and AJ."
Sam looks to the sky, shaking her head before bowing her head down and clasps her hand together in prayer form. "Lord, please keep me sane and prevent me from killing my cousin and AJ."
"Are we heading out?" Nick asks.
"Let's go, Carter," Jordan says, dropping an arm over her shoulders.
"No way, Knight," she reminds him, shoving his arm off her and heads outside.
"She's going to be my borrowed date while we're at rehearsal," AJ announces.
"Only in your dreams," she quips, scrunching her face together as she shakes her head. "I call shotgun!"

I smile as she leaves the house, almost to Jordan's rented car before she whips around and runs to me. Her arms wrap around my neck as she stands on her tip toes to kiss me. "I love you," she reminds me, pressing another loving kiss on my lips.
"I love you, too, álainn."
"See you later," she says, slowly pulling away and waving to me as she walks to the car. She blows kisses to me as she gets in and buckles up, Jordan driving off as soon as he heard the belt click.
"Time to get down to it," I say, smacking my hands together and rubbing them for a few seconds.

July 21, 11

On the way to rehearsal…

"How's Rochelle?" she asks AJ.
"She's doing good."
"I bet. Jordan, how's life?"
"Good and peaceful for my personal one, crazy and chaotic for my public one," he says, glancing at her. JC makes her so happy and the kids love him. Never has her friend seen her this happy and she likes the happier Sam-she's calmer. I talk to Dawn every so many days, filling her in on what's going on for the kids. I guess somewhere near JC's birthday they're going to see his family in Maryland and Chicago, somehow seeing hers as well somewhere in that time period.
"Icky, what's on that complex and peanut sized thing people call your mind?" she teases me.
"Whatever, little one. Just thinking about how you've been on cloud 9 since JC came into your life and how you've been crazy busy."
"Yeah, he's been great to us."
"He's been looking for someone like you for a long time and he hasn't been this happy in years."

Just as we pull up, I couldn't hold in the gas any longer. "What the fuck did you eat, Icky?" she asks, darting out of the car.
"Egg, ham and cheese sandwich from Dunkin."
"That's worse than ever, Cropduster," Jordan confesses, holding his nose.
"That fucking reeks, man! That beats out the food from Puerto Rico and Mexico! God damn!" AJ hollers.
"Who'd've thunk your nose still works after touring with him for this long?" she says, teasing us both.
"Hey! It doesn't stink that bad!" I defend myself.
They slam the car doors shut and lean on them. "Breathe deep!" AJ tells me.

I do it and gag, realizing how wrong I was. They open the doors and I get out, hunching over with my hands on my knees as I gasp for air in the parking lot. I see Brian's shoes stand in front of me. "AJ Dutch ovened you in the car, didn't he?"
"With my own gas," I wheeze out.

"That's dirty... But it would be funny. I like your style," AJ tells me, rubbing his chin as we watch Nick sleep sitting up in the corner of the rehearsal studio during a break.
"That's why we should do it-payback for all his pranks he's pulled and cuz it'd be fucking hysterical!" I loudly whisper, convincing him to help me and his smile grows.
"He did pull who knows how many on me especially."
I have AJ contemplating it. "Just think how funny it'd be-water, flour, glitter," I say, unaware Jordan, Joey and Howie are behind us.
"What about water, flour and glitter?" Howie asks.
I mouth 'shit' and turn to face them, their arms folded over their pecs. "We were gonna get Nick back for all his pranks," I say as innocently as I could manage.
"I'm in," Jordan says.
"Sounds like what we used to do to Danny. I'll help," Joey smiles.
"Just this once," Howie agrees. "But if Leigh asks if I was involved, you conned me," he says, his eyes going back and forth between AJ and I, a finger in my face.
"Yup. I have glitter and a small container of flour in my bag. Any of you wanna spare a water or two?"
Jordan and Joey grab a water each and unscrew the caps, waiting for me to produce said glitter and flour. I saunter over to my bag and grab two small containers before rejoining our mini circle of plotting. I show the four of them and smile fiendishly. Jordan takes the container of blue, green and black glitter to look at, his smile becoming as devious as mine. "Let's do this," AJ whispers.
We stand around him, Joey and Jordan armed with the waters while AJ and I have the glitter and flour. All four containers open and ready, Howie waves his hand in front of Nick's face to check if there might be a chance he'd wake up when we move. Nick doesn't flinch, so the items are flung at him and the water catches him off guard. He startles awake and the flour and glitter are thrown at him at the same time, seconds before he can fully react. I pull my cell out of my pocket and snap a pic, repeating the process with my iPod before he could get up. I turn around to find Howie video taping it all and laugh. "That was freaking awesome! Remember, Nick, I love you! Aaron, you're next. Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!" I say into the camera before running off, having heard my cousin get up.
"I'm gonna make you sorry for doing this to me, ass pain!" Nick guarantees, jogging after me.
He moves fast for being in his 30s (hahaha, he's old!), grabbing me in a way that my arms are pinned to my sides and pinning me under himself. "I love you?" I try to weasel my way out of his tickle torture, failing beyond belief when his fingers dig into my sides and neck, playfully wiggling his fingers against my flesh and it makes me laugh.
"I'm sure you do love me, but know that I'll get you back little cousin," he tells me, tickling me until tears flow down the sides of my face and my face turns red.
"Cropduster! Get off her!" Danny yells at him. "We have to get these moves down, more so her than the rest of us and Fatima is coming for your solo routine. She will be here around 3, giving us 9 hours and she's only going to make you rehearse for 6 hours," he informs us, Nick watching him as he gets up in one fluid motion.
"That works," Nick says, helping me up. "She's a slave driver, much worse than Danny."
"Right," I scoff, having read about her in magazines and interviews as a preteen and teen. I read that she's sweet, considerate and sometimes a perfectionist. I'm down with that, seeing as his tour has been moved up. I've dropped to 173, the lowest I've been since having Mikal when I checked last and I know I've lost more since. I'm nervously excited about touring and have been busting my ass to get in shape.

"Where could she and JC be? They've got to be in bed," I hear a voice say ascending the stairs as I come out of slumber. It's not a voice I readily recognize and it's been a good while since we've gone to LA, the face to the voice not readily indexed in my memory and available. I'm sure it's someone I've met in the past few months, no doubt about it being a friend of JC's.
"I wouldn't go in there, it's a death wish," Aaron warns.
"Waking her is as fine an art as it is to wake JC," the deep voice justifies.
"The door at the end of the hall to your right is theirs."
A knock sounds on the door, prompting me to release a groan. "Is it ok to come in?"
I sit up in the bed, pulling the light blanket up to cover my body, appearing to be dressed. "It's okay."

The door opens and James slowly walks in, cautious about each step and every movement. Josh takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around my waist, sliding his head to rest it at the top of my thigh near my hip on the blanket, his chest and shoulders exposed. "Hey, Lance," he greets his friend, eyes closed still and half asleep.
"You holding up alright?" I ask.
"Hey, JC. Yes, I'm holding up good. I'm here to let you know that I'm heading back to LA in a couple hours and that I will be there for your first performance."
"You mean solo on stage?"
"Yes, I promise."
His promise helps to ease some of the nervousness and tension, trepidation slowly fading away from my mind. "New York City, three weeks, Good Morning America and two night clubs," I inform him.
"Crimson and LQ," Josh completes the details.
"How long will you be away from the kids?" he inquires, jamming his hands into his pants pockets.
I sigh, the sadness evident as I recall the length of time I'll have to spend away from the kids. "A whole week."
"Aaliyah's party is still going on tomorrow?"
"Yes, it's at Chris' place in Orlando."
"Maybe I can push my flight back by a day or two, y'know, to be there for Aaliyah," he suggests.
"She'll be so excited! Oh! What about Nick? Is he showing up?"
Lance smiles, an all knowing sort of one. "He has a surprise for her and he'll let you know what it is after the show tonight."

Lance stuck around to hang out with us, tagging along to the show and taping it on his camera. "I can email the performance to the other guys and a few other people if you'd like," he offers.
"Sure, I don't see why not," I respond, anxiousness and nervousness setting in about what I have to do tonight.
"You'll do amazingly, mami," Josh tells me, placing a kiss on my cheek as we pull into the arena. Aaron came along, he has a few tricks up his sleeve.

Today I'm nervous, I perform with Nick and the rest of them tonight and it's in less than an hour. I've been in the outfit Nick had chosen for over two hours, nothing short of comfortable in it-size 7 jean bellbottoms, a tank top that hangs off one shoulder and sneakers to appear normal, more like their fans to ensure they can relate to me better. There are local radio stations here, broadcasting live, various TV stations are taping my debut and it dawns on me that I'm in demand, this being my first performance and I'm even more nervous. Howie's brother, Jon, is taping this with help from a few friends and their sisters.
"You'll do great," Kevin tells me, coming out of thin air.
"Ohmigod! Don't do that!" I take a deep breath and try to swallow my nervousness before the group huddle. "How would you know?"
"Nick and Brian had been more nervous about our first live performance and it went perfectly." His eyes travel to my left hand, his hand reaching for mine. "JC found his soulmate, congratulations. Where is the fucker?"
"Sleeping," I say, pointing to my dressing room.
"He sleeps more when nervous." He goes into my dressing room, leaving the door open and yells out JC's name, scaring the guy awake. "Your fiancée is out here pacing and shaking from nervousness."
Josh gets up and comes to hold me, Nick standing behind me the whole time. "Engaged?"
I swear I jumped high enough to hit the ceiling. "Dammit, Nick!" I scream, turning around and punching him before turning to bury my face against Josh's chest, welcoming his comforting embrace.
"Yes, engaged. I asked a couple weeks ago, she said yes."
"Is that what Aaron and Angel wouldn't tell me?"
"Yes, Icky," I reply, slightly calmer.
He walks around us, placing a quick kiss on the top of my head in passing and greets Kevin with a quick hug. "Surprised you came."
"Couldn't miss her debut or shows in Tampa or anywhere near where we started out," Kevin reminds him.
"Daddy!" a little boy with dark hair and beautiful chestnut colored eyes comes running down the hall toward Kevin. "Uncle Nick!"
"Mason!" Nick calls back, crouching down to hug the child as the small boy runs full throttle at him and wraps their arms around each other as they fall back, Nick under the smaller body. "How ya been, kid?"
"Good, daddy says you have a bigger family acuz of four people." He looks about Aaliyah's age.
Nick smiles and glances at me, a finger indicating me to the small boy. "She's my cousin, her three kids are too." Kevin scoops Mason off his former bandmate and smiles. "I never caught your real name."
"Kevin, this is Sam." He faces me, taking me in his arms and chuckles. "Sam, this is Kevin and his son, Mason."
"Hi," I say with a wave and a small half smile.
"She's definitely a Carter, no way to deny it," Kevin comments, really taking note of my features.
"Not a chance. By the way, girl, you look great. You're maybe 160 now?"
"I'm 137, jackass," I reply, slugging his chest.
"Do a spin," he requests, holding one of my hands above my head in his.
I do a quick spin and see AJ coming up behind Nick, pushing him away and pushing Josh to the other wall. He has a can of silly string in each hand, spraying Nick once I cleared the area. He gets covered in green and purple silly string, attempts of blocking it fail. We all laugh at the 'prank king' as he's pranked. Aaron comes out of nowhere, silly string flying as he gets Nick and AJ and it throws me into a bigger fit of laughter. "Time for the huddle, guys," Aaron announces, his silly string canisters empty as he tosses them in the garbage and AJ takes care of his via jump shots.
Nick pulls it all off on the way to the huddle, prayer included. Fatima made it, probably for nostalgic purposes and she smiles at me. "Thank you, God, for this chance to be in good health and to do this. Thank you for allowing everyone to come together for Sam's big nationwide debut and NKOTBSB's successful tour, Aaron's availability to be here as well. Thank you for all you've given everyone. Amen."
Everyone's hands go into the middle, not counting mine and Josh's and Aaron grabs mine, adding it to the pile. "Backstreet & New Kid pride alive!" we shout. Aaron and Nick had told me what they do before heading to the stage. We go out and I have on a mask, remaining behind Nick; Aaron, Kevin and I barely hidden by the shadows. I take Nick's verse for 'Don't Turn The Lights', having blended my voice into the chorus and walk out into the lights. "You're gonna see it's empty without me here, you'll change your mind," Nick and I chorus, continuing through the chorus as I dance with them and smile throughout. "Don't turn out the lights noooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!" I belt out the final note on my own.
"My cousin, Lil B!" Nick introduces me, pulling the mask off and hugging me. "She would have brought my baby cousins, but she isn't ready for them to be in the spotlight yet." Their fans welcome me warmly with cheers and flipping signs around which bear my name on them.
I laugh, bringing the mic near my mouth. "Thank you for the warm welcome, Tampa! Between this big lug and my very supportive boyfriend, I would've never even tried to do this. They encouraged me to try and Usher snatched up my talents to manage me. My debut album is out on Halloween!"
"Speaking of debuts," AJ begins, "tonight is her live performance debut just for all of you to watch and those of you listening to your radio."
"She's busted her butt to be able to perform beside us tonight," Jordan adds.
"She's helped us get Nick back for some of his pranks over the years," Howie adds.
We laugh, my mic coming to my lips again. "Love ya, Icky."
"Yeah, love you too."
Brian smiles, putting the mic close to his mouth. "We have a couple other surprises in store for you as well."
"Danny, you're sure they are going to enjoy this?" Joey asks.
"Of course," he replies.
Mark and Donny playfully bicker over the next song, knowing it's an old song from the 'Black & Blue' album. Kevin speaks into his mic. "Just for the sake of old times, I thought I'd pop in," he interrupts, stepping from the shadows and joining us as NKOTB walk off.
The music for 'Time' begins to play. I sing a little bit with each of them, really singing from my heart with Nick and AJ and belting out 'I know we have changed, but change can be good' with Brian. "...Time goes on and on everyday, times is what it is, come what may, come what maaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy..." I finish with Brian, smiling and hardly short of breath.
"Talk about pipes," Kevin says, hugging me.
"I thought what she did during rehearsals was her best, but I suppose she was half assing it now," AJ comments.

About halfway through the show, the lights dim as I pretend not to know why I'm the only one left on the stage. "Guys? We've only done half of the show! What's going on? Nick, this isn't funny! Jordan? Come on guys!" I rattle off, knowing what I'm supposed to do. 'Not Too Young, Not Too Old' begins playing and I scrunch my face up in confusion and frustration. "That's the wrong one! That's not your song!"
Aaron comes out onto the stage, running at full speed and chuckles, doing a handspring to land on his feet in front of me, looking into my eyes. "Nope, it's mine! I'm taking over this show! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!" he yells into the mic.
"Aaron! You can't!"
"Sure I can, watch me! Help me!" He tugs me by my hands, jumping into the dance routine for it as he sings.
"...Backseat, baby, Backstreet..." I jump in, joining during the chorus. "Callin me a punk?" We make faces at each other throughout, smiling. "He's stepping out with the older boys, cover up your ears cuz they're making mad noise... This how we roll, not too young, not too old."
The song ends and Aaron smiles at me, I back away slowly. "Where are you going? You should 'Dance With Me'."
I sing along for the chorus, dancing with him and going through it like a pro. We've been rehearsing for a couple weeks, the steps and words coming out of our bodies and mouths flawlessly and having a blast. "At least it's the 'Summer Time'," I retort, smiling like the Cheshire cat. We perform two more of his songs. We work the stage, side by side and kill it. "Aaron Carter, everybody!" Aaron darts off stage as Nick and the other four Boys come out for 'Everybody (Backstreet's Back)', the track starting up as they join me. We tear the stage up, having a blast and doing what we love. Three hours after we had begun, we finally finish and they intro everyone. Aaron comes out for an encore, 'I'm Gonna Miss You' and Nick joins us for 'She Wants Me' before I jump into 'Phantom' to complete the show.

"Aaron Carter!" Nick and I exclaim, having a surprise for the fans. We perform about three songs off each of his solo albums-'My Confession', 'Help Me', 'Forever Rebel', 'I'm Taking Off', 'The Great Divide', 'Remember' and a super exclusive special treat just for Florida shows, 'Funny Face' and 'Beautiful Lies'. We intro the band, ourselves, Aaron and his group mates to bow together for our final good-bye to the crowd.

We get backstage and I realize I had sweated gallons of fluids, making me stink. I don't care and I jump around, acting kind of like Nick and Aaron. "That was so much fun! Now we have Aaliyah's party tomorrow! Are we doing it again?"
Nick put his hands on my shoulders, holding me in place and our matching blue eyes meet. "I love you, Sam, but chill out." He gives me a minute to calm down a little. "You alright now?" I nod, holding my lips between my teeth. "What time and where is her party?" he slowly asks.
"Tomorrow, 1-6, Chris' house."
He nods once. "Thanks, I'll be there and it's a surprise, you can't tell her."

"No! Put it on that table!" she shouts at the caterer, frustrated and anxious.
"Let Lance and I handle it," I offer, coming up behind her and snaking my arms around her tiny frame.
"But, but-"
"Baby, you're too wound up. Take the Mustang and get Nick." She looks at Chris' keys peg, considering using the car he'd gotten her for a late Mother's Day gift. "Leave the top down and just go," I suggest.
I can tell the gears in her head are working it out, weighing the pros and cons of it. "You're sure?"
"He's hosting the Halloween party this year, adults only and Heather's offered to fly to LA to watch them for us."
"Why does that matter?"
"You'll understand when you get back."
"Um, ok." She pulls out her cell and grabs the keys on the way out the door. "You awake, doofus?" she greets him, the door softly closing behind her.

The hour and a half she takes to get Nick and Lauren, gives us just enough time to get all but the cake placed. Nick has Aaron bringing it from their dad's place around here. Aaron calls me. "Hey, man."
"Dude, I'm at a red light around the corner."
"Alright." I open the door just enough so that he'd be able to push it open without risking the cake. "Just push the door and it'll open right up."

He gets here, sets the cake down and helps with streamers and balloons. I hear her return, laughing with Nick. "... Since I met this special lady, I can't get her off my mind, one of a kind..." she sings, on key. A song that's oddly familiar, but I can't recall the information for it.
"What's that song, mami?" I ask, kissing the corner of her mouth.
She smiles, grabs my face and kisses me full on the mouth. "Craig David, 'Seven Days'. You two did wonderfully, thank you."
"Aaron helped."
"I have to kiss James first." She turns and rushes to the dining room.

Her party starts in ten minutes, Nick is hiding in the backyard and everything else is set. The presents are in the yard and Angel is helping Aaliyah get dressed upstairs. We're five minutes away now. Aaliyah comes down and she looks for Nick, furrowing her brows when she doesn't see him. She tugs my shirt, I get to her level and smile. "I'm gonna beat Nickolas up, he promised."
"He's coming, maybe he got caught in traffic?"
"He has till we finish the presents. Can we do the cake now?"
We gather everyone around the cake and sing to her, she proudly blows out the candles. Next is presents and I smile. I grab the first one and see Nick sitting cross legged behind the wall of presents, he grins at me. "Here, open this one." She tears through them and the next one will reveal his spiked hair, she's been facing the wall of gifts. "I think this one is next."
She looks up and sees his hair. "Wait," she tells me, getting out of the folding chair and heading for the area behind the presents. She shrieks and jumps behind it, Nick catching her because he had maneuvered into a squatting position.

He stands holding her tightly in an embrace where her body is wrapped around his neck and torso, telling him how mad she had been when he didn't come in with everyone else and that she forgives him. He softly tells her that he's missed her too and that the tour is almost done, we'll be on the cruise. "Would you be opposed to all of you joining me for my solo tour?"
"I don't see why not, just need tutors," I agree.
"Sure, we have a few months."
"It's only if Sam agrees, though."

She agreed to the tutor thing, surprisingly enough and she knows the kick off date. The kids and her are excited, we have a big enough bus for us all. She has been working so hard and this is her promo tour, causing her to be even more excited. We kick it off in LA tonight, having flown out with Nick and we're out for lunch. The kids? They're with Heather and my mom, being kids while we have a rehearsal to deal with in two hours. She and Nick are excitedly chattering about the show and rehearsals. "Icky, how hard can a two month tour be so hard?" she questions.
"We have 65 tour dates to complete in 70 days, repeating the performances night after night and it becomes mindless after a couple weeks."
"The fans and media make it worth it."
"Yeah, but be careful," he reminds her, pointing at her with his fork.
"Psssshhhhhhh! I got this," she brushes it off.
"No, I'm being serious. Once you get really known, you will be chased down by every reporter and fan and hater everywhere you go."
She shoves a piece of shrimp in her mouth, smiling. "That's not what matters, it's the quality."
He sighs, noticing his warnings going unheeded. "Just be careful."
"I will."
"You'll need security soon."

We started the tour three weeks ago, she's been promoting her album and tour for two months and it drops in four months. She finished the album and photo shoot for it a month ago, demanding that she get a week off before sending it out before she hit the road. She got her way and it she's been a trooper, performing night after night while going through rehearsals day after day. We did hire a couple body guards, but the whole thing with her has changed and drained her. I don't mind caring for the kids, Lauren and Nick help us out all the time with them and I know she has to adjust. She's a pain to wake for some of her promo shit. Tonight is New York and it's for the Today Show, it's two hours before she's needed on set. Her and Nick are going to appear on that stage to kick off the summer concert series that the Today Show does every year since I can remember, she had rehearsal until 11 last night with Nick. "Baby, you have to be on set in two hours," I tell her, Dawn appearing out of nowhere. "How'd you get here?"
"Nick got me from the airport an hour ago, we're waiting in the living room," she informs me. "Nick can get her up faster."
Nick peeks around the corner and smirks. "She's got one eye open."
"Don't fucking do it, Nickolas," she warns, knowing his smirks.
"No flying Nick this morning?" he teases.
"Only if you want a full castration and neutering."
I turn to see her rub her face. "Dunkin'?"
"Iced caramel-raspberry with cream and sugar, extra flavoring," he says, nodding.
"Do I need to get dressed?"
"Nope, they have your wardrobe team there. We went over this last night."
She nods and Nick shakes his head with a smile, Dawn smirking. "Got you some sugar, it's on the table out here."
"Ooohhh, sugar," Sam jokes, a half smile appearing.
We head toward the dining room and she curls her legs Indian style on the couch beside Lauren, smiling at her sleepily before sipping the coffee. She looks at the sandwich from her 2nd fave donut shop and smiles, eating (more like inhaling) it in a couple minutes. "We have to do interviews all day today after the Today Show, chicka," Nick reminds her and her head drops into her hands, a groan coming from her.
"That's today?" she whines.
"Mmmhmm," Nick and I hum at the same time.
"The Today Show then...?"
"Rolling Stone, Music Today, VH1, MTV, Teen Beat, Redbook, YM, TV Guide, Z100, and you have a Maxim one."
Her jaw drops. "Maxim? Who in the fu-"
"I cleared it with JC and Usher."
"Nick! I'm not comfortable with it! I have children to keep in mind."
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, annoyed with her. "I'm not trying to be a chauvanistic pig or anything, but I have to admit that you're hot and you should tease some of the older fans, drag in the older fanbase by doing this."
"I have to get fucking naked, Nick!"
"No, just a bra and panties or undies and a tank or panties and cover your tits."
She scrunches her face up in anger and her brows furrow, getting up with a throw pillow to beat him with. "You owe me big time, jackass," she announces, slamming his sides with the pillow.
"How is you having a hot body my fault?"
She whips back around and backhands his chest. "Jeff, remember?" she fires back, her face mocking happiness and tilting her head slightly while she flicks her finger off her temple.
"Okay, so it is my fault. It's yours, too! You shrunk like a pant size or two every week!"
"Yeah, and it's been over a year!"
"Ppppppbbbbbbffffffffttttt! Osh Kosh B'Gosh!"
"Whatever," she says, rolling her eyes and throwing the pillow on the couch before grabbing her coffee on her way out the door. She turns to give us an impatient glance.
"Why did you do that?"
Nick shrugs at me, smiling a moment later. "Got her moving."
"Pissed off, too."
"Let's go before she returns to tear our heads off," Lauren suggests.
"I swear, Kent!" she tells one of her security guards, annoyed for the day.
"Girl, you killing Nick will happen when he's fat, a dad to 15 kids and old as dirt," he argues gently with her.
"I'm not having 15 kids!" Nick shouts.
"That's right, you're having 30!" she shouts back at him, her tongue poking out at him.
"I'm not having that many," he argues, stepping closer to her for a hug.
"Fuck yourself," she mumbles into his chest, her arms going around him and her fingertips barely touch the top of his shoulder blades.
"I had to get you going this morning, it always makes you move faster."
"Yeah, yeah. You have 20 years experience on me, I'm not a morning person and I hate having to rush."
"I love you, little one."
"I love you, too."

They've always fought with each other to get the other moving since the beginning of this tour. It's June 5, 2013 and we're on the set for the Today Show, both her and Nick in makeup and wardrobe. "Why don't you like the eyeshadow?" Nick asks her.
"It doesn't look right," Sam argues, doing her eyeliner while he changes behind one of those faux stall things.
"How does the lime green not look right?" he asks, coming around the side of it and finishes buckling his belt.
"Cuz the baby shade of turquoise looks better, see?"
She faces Nick and he notices the subtle color, thinking about it for a moment. "Yeah, you're right and is this why you don't have a makeup artist or 'beauty crew' yet?"
She scrunches up her face at the thought of it. "What in the fuck is a beauty crew? I have someone do my hair, but I haven't come across a makeup artist that isn't fickle and has my style sense."
"Makes sense, I guess." He shrugs it off, standing in front her.
She flings an arm out to grab the side of his shirt, carefully looking at his face and she grabs a make up wedge to fix his face. "She missed some spots. Bitch."
He shrugs and leaves. "We should get out there," I remind her, walking up behind her and she smoothes her hair down nervously.
"I guess, Josh." She loops her arm through mine, taking a deep breath and we stand next to Matt Lauer. I press my lips to hers and step off camera, allowing her to talk to the announcer as the set team hooks her up to a mic pack and other random things. "Can you hear me?" she asks, the ear bud being put in her ear by a stage hand. The camera guy and tech nods at her.
She gets the five second countdown and looks at the camera, perfectly matching Matt. "I'm Matt Lauer and I'm standing here with the latest singer of the hour, Lil' Breanna. How are you today?" he says, turning to her.
She smiles at him. "I'm good, I'm here to show support for my cousin and to also perform for you guys today."
"In that case, you should intro our first performer."
"Thanks," she smiles and nods. "First up is one of my favorite people in the whole world and he's helping me through this tour, my cousin, Nick Carter!" she announces, pointing to the stage.

After his performance, it goes back to her. "So, what's it like dating JC Chasez and being a mom?"
She thinks about it for a minute. "It's complicated because he's also my co-manager and once he gets into manager mode, it's a pain to get him out of it. When he gets into daddy mode, it makes my day easier. When he's in a loving mood, I love him back."
"How do you feel about him?"
"Matt, I love him wholeheartedly. He's a big part of our lives."
"What kind of dad is he?"
"He's a good dad-patient when he needs to be, adjusting to the two am 'I'm scared' crawl in between us and is very supportive of everything they do. He's a great dad to simplify it." She smiles.
"Is that a promise ring or did he ask that question?"
"Promise ring," she informs him, winking at me.
Nick leans in and shakes his head, coughing. "Liar," he says, coughing again.
I scrunch up my face and motion for him to get out of the scene, annoyed. He stands beside me and chuckles. "You almost blew it up."
"Sorry, I forgot."
I shake my head and annoyance has become a normal thing. "So, Breanna, how would you rate JC as a boyfriend?"
"The best, I couldn't ask for anyone better," she responds in a split second.
I smile and Nick elbows me in the side. "You're getting fluffy," he teases me.
"Nope, she feeds me well."
"Fluffy," he sings.
"Whatever."
"-we catch them mid-argument, acting like family already." We stop, look at the camera and smile, tossing our arms over each other's shoulders.
"Us fight? No way," Nick fibs.
"We already got you on film arguing and I can always show this DVD to the world," she says, holding up a jewel DVD case containing a single disk.
"What's on it?" Nick asks, afraid of the footage it could contain.
"Keep denying the fact you guys have fought and the contents of this DVD will be all over the internet and airwaves in hours, I'll even put it on my Youtube, Facebook and Twitter accounts," she tells us with a crazed look in her eyes and a quick nod of her head to emphasize her point.
I sigh, ready to give into her demands and Nick stops me. "How do we know you're not just bluffing?" he asks, pointing at her.
"Air it," she tells them.

"Okay, that wasn't a bluff," Nick says.
"I was ready to admit it and you had to question me, that was embarrassing," I mutter.
Nick starts chuckling beside me in the van. "C'mon, you were playing with Legos and Barbies and Hot Wheels!"
"You were watching Bratz with Aaliyah and Transformers Prime  with the boys!"

I swear, they have the most fucking ridiculous arguments and this is why I tape them-to post them to Youtube, Facebook and Twitter. What they don't realize is I've already put some of the embarrassing shit online and this just makes it all the sweeter. I tape this shit with my phone and smile. "Why are you holding your cell like that and smiling?" Nick asks me.
"You two are the best," I say, ending it and posting it to my three favorite media outlets. "Now it's all over the internet." I smirk evilly and lock my phone.
"That means she's done it before," Josh observes, knowing me far too well.
"On top of being very technologically adept," Nick comments.
"What in the world are you insinuating?" I tease.
"She did," they chorus.
"I did what?" I feign innocence.
"Babe, you posted videos of us already."
"You little shit!" Nick yells, "You already posted some! Twitter has five now, nine on Youtube and three on Facebook." He's silent for a moment. "She's been doing this since she's seen us when we hit Tampa."
"It's been over a year," Josh calculates.
Yup, more than a year and my album had been put off to be released when Nick's third album was released. Release dates have been set for Halloween 2013 (mine), October 24 (Nick's) and November 7 (Aaron's) and the media have dubbed those three weeks the 'Carter family release period'. I hope my ex enjoys track 7 on the album. I laugh thinking of that and get odd looks from them, eliciting more laughter from me. "What the fuck is so funny, Bitty Bre?"
I stop laughing and glare at him, ready to chop off his head. "Nick, I don't call you anything but the name your mom gave you and I expect the same from your mouth."
"You did it now," Josh comments.
"Bitty Bre, Bitty Bre, Biiiiiiiitttttttttyyyyyy Breeeeeeeeeeee," he annoyingly sings to get on my last nerve and it works cuz I flick his ear.
"You gon' get it, Snickerlas."
Nick looks at me, my mental state in question if I read his expression right. "What?" he chuckles.
I narrow my eyes and flick the back of his neck. He looks at me and glares at me. "I didn't stutter, Snickerlas."

I hear Aaliyah's insane laughter floating from the suite Josh and I have, making us grin like dorks. We open the door to find her running around like she got into my Amps or another source of too much caffiene, the boys calmly playing with their Hot Wheels and Lonnie and Big Mike looking frantic. Josh and I look at each other, joining Nick in laughing at the scene before us. "Ahem," Josh clears his throat to gain Lonnie's attention, "What happened?"
"She drank one of my energy drinks," he explains.
"Want her to crash?"
"That'd be nice."
"Give her one of the huge Pixi Stix."
Damn right I'm taping this shit, but it's only going on my personal page for Dawn's amusement. Josh calls her over to eat the colored sugar and she runs around for another hour, crashing quickly. "How the fuck?"
I stop taping it and look at security. "If you pair an Amp or Monster and a large amount of sugar in someone who has hyperglycemia-"
"Like Chris," Derek interjects.
I nod, smiling. "Yes, like Chris. The amount of sugar will cause them to spazz out and crash within 2 hours, but if you only have one element," I continue, shaking my head.
"Oh, I get it."
"Good, now remember it for the next time."
"Wait! How long will she be out?"
"2-3 hours from now, giving us just enough time to get to the airport and board the flight or bus to get to our next destination." I tap the boys' shoulders. "Go pack up, boys."
"Yes, mama," they chorus.
"Pack her things, too."

On the road to the next stop, Aaliyah wakes up a few hours later and climbs into Nick's lap to wake up. She's almost always at Nick, Josh or Aaron's side first thing in the morning and they don't seem bothered by it. "We're going through Fitchburg, right?" Nick asks me.
"Yes, and we will be getting a rental to drive around town for the day tomorrow and the day after or just hop the buses during the day, saving the car for non-bus route destinations and at night," I offer.
"What about getting to Boston for the concert?"
"Train."
"But won't we be recognized?" Josh asks.
"That's why we do it sans security and 'disguises'," I explain.
"What did security say?"

I hear this song on the radio right now and it makes me think of her, someone only best friend can manage to snag before me. It made me realize that he has her and I never will, helping me decide that I have to settle down even if it isn't with her. I had planned to propose by the end of the year if I hadn't gotten together with his one and only. I let out a huff of air from my burning lungs, exhaling into the air around me and make my decision because I know what I want is never going to come to me. She went from a 15 juniors' jeans (LEI with 3% or less of spandex) down to a size 7 and not quite done with shrinking. She has this heart-shaped apple like bubble butt that erases J. Lo's ass from memory, nevermind anyone like Ciara. I used to think Beyonce had a sexy ass, but you need to picture that on a white chick! Caramel cherry colored hair with perfectly sun-kissed skin, a row of freckles from one cheekbone to the other causing her beautiful ocean painted eyes to pop and she's intelligent beyond what I could ever dream of in any woman.
Every single fucking night since I met her, I've dreamt of being with her kinda jealously and I feel like Usher in the beginning of 'U Got It Bad'. She's my best female friend and he's also my best friend, but it's kind of like that song. I'll talk to her on the phone or Skype, hang up just to call her back or texting her moments later. She laughs at that every damn time and it's so fucking hot when she does it. Nick hit it head on when he wrote most of his second solo record!
"J, you alive?" Trace teases, shoving his cell in his jeans pocket.
"Uh, yup. Had something on my mind."
"Her again? You have Jessica and she's with JC, we both know she's head over heels and then some with him. It's like Jessica with you."
I nod, humming to it. "I guess." I think for a few seconds, leaning on the sturdy railing of my back porch and thinking. "You have to admit that looking at her now that you'd never get enough of her in one lifetime, never mindin' one night, Trace."
"No comment," he mutters into his Pepsi can, proving he would.
"You know why she's on my mind." He raises his eyebrows, dropping them back into a neutral position a moment from walking off. "I knew it, you think the same thing I do about her," I tease him, sure of it in the first place.
He turns to me and gives me a sly smirk. "What man in his right mind wouldn't? We watched her shrink! Damn, everything is perfected and sculpted in the best way."
I nod again, dropping the subject for the moment because we have a double date with our women. Joey never comments, but Chris and Lance always do without hesitation. Well, Lance used to up until he went on a mystery trip, talking to a chick on the phone all the time and he calls her 'Tori'. He only tells me that she's one of Sam's cousins or friends, somtimes I get 'someone Sam knows' with a secretive grin. The drive to the restaurant is silent and we catch him here as well, greeting us very warmly. "Hey, Justin! How are you?"
"Good, good. Who you talking to?" I ask, nodding at the cell pressed to his ear since he got into the management shit.
"Victoria, my girlfriend. We met through Sam last time I saw her in New York."
"How long were you there again?" I taunt playfully.
"Hardly more than a day."
"It took you a month and a half to commit to this woman?"
"Yes, we wanted to err on the side of caution and get to know each other much better before we jumped headlong into a relationship with each other."
He's always been the brains of the operation, thinking everything out before he even takes a breath. "Heard from Sam lately?"
Pathetic, I know all too well. "Yes, she's enjoying her extended work-related road trip."
I'm pretty sure that it's almost an exact quote from her. "Of course. Back to miss Tori."
"She's got jet black hair, a pair of light chocolate eyes and all the curves I could ever ask for. Her brain is intriguing, drives me crazy as fuck and she's every dream and wish I've ever had in one person and more. So damn much more than perfection."
Kinda like Sam. "Good. When do we meet her?"
"After Sam and JC get back."
A couple weeks. I know that they have something planned for the two biggest boybands ever and Aaron to come for a BBQ. It's been three months and they're taking a short break from the road before they try killing each other. Not her and JC, she and Nick can only get along for so long before they begin to piss the other off. "Cool beans, call or text me the details later?"
I clap my hand on his back, a weak smile ensuring he would and it won't matter if he likes it or not.

Nick knows all the ins and outs of being as known as I am, including the whole wanting someone and they don't want you. "Nick?" I ask, demanding his attention for a few seconds with evident exasperation.
"Yeah?"
"You think she likes me?"
"Sam? No, not a chance beyond a friend," he laughs.
"You know the song 'Scandalicious' you recorded?"
"Yeah," he slowly replies. "What about it?"
"Can you set her up like that?"
He's silent for a moment. "Nope."
"Why not?"
"It's all on her, she won't do it."
"How can you be so sure?"
"It's Sam and she's my cousin."
I groan, laying down on my bed with my cell balanced on my head as I lie on my side and I instinctively massage the empty spot in front of me. "She wouldn't fall for it?"
"Not at all," he laughs again. "She did somehow listen to 97% of our music before we knew her and is an extremely respectful fan who gives their honest opinion about us and the music we make."
I huff angrily. "So she's heard that song?"
"She can name it in the first five seconds and tell me what version of which album it had been on or was supposed to be on, turn around and sing it word for fucking word, plus she can even imitate the music behind it!" Nick explains, clearly exasperated with me.
"Oh, shit! What songs doesn't she know?" I question, dragging my hand down my face as I turn onto my back and drag my right foot toward my ass to bend my knee so that it points to the ceiling.
"The ones that haven't had anyone else's hands on them or in any other studio."
"The ones we've been tinkering with," I sigh.
"Yeah, and she's also very observant, making it nearly impossible to do anything secretly. She can read most of us like fucking overhead projector sheets for fuck's sake, Justin!"
"What about me?"
"She just said the other night that she's aware you're infatuated with her and it's borderline obsession!"
Fuck! There goes that plan! She knows I want her and she's not going to be easy to fool. "You're talking to the amháin obsessed," Sam comments nearby. A moment of silence passes between them. "Your stance and facial expression gives it away, Icky," she informs him and I hear it loud and clear.
"I understood 'obsessed'," I admit.
"She called you-" Nick starts to tell me and gets slapped. "Ow! That was my arm!" He gets smacked again. "Ow! I need to keep my head attached to function." I hear a metal & glass tapping sound, followed by a sneaker tapping on a tiled floor.
"Stoptar suas, chaocha!" she screams.
"Fine! I won't tell him!" he yells back at her.
"Why not?" I snicker.
"She has her bat tapping on the floor and her foot is going at a very irritated pace with a 'do it and die' look."
"Tell me and I'll save you."
"I'm touring with her!"
I laugh out loud and someone walks into my room as I curl into the fetal position, holding my stomach with tears falling from my eyes. The two of them are screaming at each other and it's hysterical to listen to them bitch at each other, far too comical for anyone but them to remain serious until I hear an all too familiar sound that I heard quite frequently while on tour with *NSYNC. "Time for the interviews?" she whines, revealing how bored she's gotten with them.
"It's with People."
"Mmmm, that one isn't that bad, Josh."
"We need to go."
"Alright, text me or whatever."
"Will do, Justin."
I hang up and look at the person who came in my room, finding Rachel there. "What in the DIckens is so fucking hysterical?" she snarkily remarks.
I shrug. "Sam said something to her cousin, he went to explain it, she smacked him a couple times, told him something, tapped something against a glass surface, tapped her foot like you do when you wanna kick my ass and gave him a look of death. I told him I'd save him and he screamed that they're touring together before she whined about interviews when JC cleared his throat," I explain, selecting clothes to pack for my trip to see Timbaland in Virginia to produce and record.

I watch her as she sits through her interview with People magazine, flawlessly answering questions as if she's been doing this her whole life. Smiling and laughing to keep the air jovial, being pleasant to ensure future interviews that shine a good light on her as a person. I see a look in her eyes that reveal a flash of sharp pain, biting her top lip and she finishes up the interview with massive amounts of pain with her hand resting on her lower abdomen.

"What's it like to be on tour with one of your cousins, boyfriend and three young children?" he asks.

"Interesting, busy and usually funny as ever. I promise there's never a dull moment and I enjoy the majority of it."

"Would you say you're the next Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears?"

"Lawdy no! I'm me and they are themselves. I may have a four octave range and I'm learning to reach another one, I want to surpass Josh's range to be able to laugh about it later."

"So, you're saying you want to surpass their abilities?"

"No, I grew up listening to most of the greats and I don't think I ever will be able to, they've had more time to hone their skills than I have."

"Do you have any faith in your skills?"

"I do, but I need to work harder at it than most of the artists that have been around since the 90s."

"Do you respect them?"

"Of course I do, they influenced me and have been unbelievably nice since I've met them."

"You have no ill will toward anyone?"
"No reason to. Everyone I've met so far has proven to me that I have no reason to wish them any negativity."

"You seem realistic and level-headed."

"Thank you," she says sweetly, offering a polite smile and I note that the pain hasn't subsided yet.

"Is there anything that could make you pull out of the limelight, temporarily even?"

Her blue eyes filled with sadness and pain, physical pain, her eyes meeting the interviewer's. "Medical or family emergencies."

"Thank you for allowing me to sit down and talk with you," the man who seems no older than 25 that interviewed her and she shakes his hand, his body language overly enthusiastic.

"You're very welcome."

I walk over to her and take her in my arms, knowing she needs comfort as the representative from People magazine leaves the arena. "You alright?"

"Cramps."

"You're supposed to start soon, right?"

"I think so."

"I'm here if you need anything."

"What's wrong?" Nick asks, approaching us in my line of view and I see the concern as plain as day in his face.

"Cramps."

"Ibeprofuen?"

"No," she groans.

"Why not?"

"Need 2400 mgs' worth and don't want to seem doped up, just started my career."

Honest explanation. "Come here, Bitty," he says soothingly and she pulls him beside her by the side of his shirt without moving too much, wrapping her arms around his middle before crying from the pain. I watch as she breaks down from the pain. "Go get the tour physician," he quietly demands with worry dripping from each syllable.

I head for the stage and find Wade there, pulling out my cell to call her tour doctor. "JC, hello," the middle-aged woman who's been her PCP since she moved to Tampa and often speaks with her doctor since she was in 8th grade.

"She's cramping and she's crying."

She hums at the info and agrees to meet me backstage in the green room, texting Nick the moment I hang up. 'Can u get her 2 the grn rm?'

'Meet u there in 5?'

'Yeah.'

I quickly walk in the general direction of the room she's going to be in and Wade stops me. "Where is Sam?"

"Probably curled in the fetal position on the couch in the back room with her cousin trying to soothe her as she suffers from pain," I snarkily remark, walking around him.

"When will she be out here for rehearsal?" he shouts after me.

"Have the other opening act rehearse." I flick my hand at him over my shoulder. I get in the room and sure enough, I'm right about her being curled up in a ball while she cries out in pain with Nick trying his best to comfort her. He's got Usher playing in the background softly, singing with it and acting like they grew up together. He treats her like his little sisters and I think it's because she's kind of like each of them in some ways, helping him heal since Leslie's passing. "Hey, baby," I softly say, stroking her hair and kneeling in front of her.

"Uhhhhnnnnnn," she moans, her tour doctor entering the room.

We move out of the way and she goes to work, talking to her. She checks her pulse, takes some blood and has Sam give her a urine sample. She leaves the room after giving her some Midol and ibeprofuen, instructing her to put a warm cloth over her lower abdomen and to lie down until her rehearsal after 3. She looks at me, gives me a weak smile and stops in front of me at the door. "It might just be her dysmenorrhea acting up again or it might be more serious."

"How serious?" Nick rapidly inquires, scared for her.

"She could be pregnant or could need to go in for surgery to check for endometriosis."

Sam warned me about endometriosis. "Let's hope she's pregnant," I comment.

"You sure you can handle another child?"
I shrug, unsure about it. "We can figure it out later."
"We have a week before the end of the tour."

"I know, Nick. I'd rather hear she's pregnant than she has to go in for surgery."
"I second that then."

It's been four days since my cramps started and I'm hoping it's just dysmenorrhea, nothing else. I'm reading 'Mortal Instruments: City of Fallen Angels' for the 9th time since it came out and I'm watching the activity in the room out of my periphrieal vision around the edges of the publication. The tour doc walks in and looks at me, smirking. She pulls Nick and Josh aside, telling them something that makes them happily sigh before sitting beside me on the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, Dr. Perkyns."

"Well, it turns out you and JC are going to be parents in 8 1/2 months."

I drop the book on the floor and stare at her dumbly, clueless about how to approach the subject. "How? When? Huh?" I stammer.

"According to the positive urinalysis and the level of the hormones in your bloodwork, you just started your second week. Would you like to find out if it's safe to proceed with the pregnancy?"

"Can we do it when we get back to Tampa?"

"That's in 2 days and yes, we can go to my private office to perform the sonogram."

I nod nervously. "Congrats, Sam." I look at Nick still numb and blinking, attempting to absorb the information. I grunt in response, unsure about it all.

Josh squeezes his semi-muscular frame behind me and holds me. "I know you're scared and I know we didn't plan it, but I'm here no matter what."

"When do the adoption papers go through?"

"The court date is set for October 3 at 10:45."

"We're going to Dr. Perkyns' office for a sonogram Thursday when we get to Tampa."

"I'm willing to support you through this whole pregnancy and I won't walk out."

"Okay," I say, nodding.

"I haven't and I don't ever want to, no plan to."

We keep it to ourselves for the first 7 1/2 months and now that I'm 8 months pregnant, it's too hard to hide. We don't know the sex of the babies, we're having twins and they're going to be surprises. We've only gone to the award shows and special performances, the last couple singles being slow songs with minimal dancing and outfits that can easily conceal the huge bump Josh had caused. Hahaha! He's more excited than I am and it's pretty cute to see, how he talks and sings to my belly when we're alone or around family and friends.

The last award show we had gone to was the Grammys. Usher had waited for the cameras to point at someone else and we had been out of the curious eyes of fans and the press before he rubbed my belly. "Congrats, guys."

Josh smiles like an idiot. "Thanks. We just found out there's twins coming," he happily announces.

"You got your hands full. When are you due again?"

"In 14 weeks," I automatically reply.

"A couple weeks over 3 months."

"Keep me posted?"
"Of course, playa maja."

We had hugged him and went to take our seats, kissing for a moment. before the show started.

It's now June 5th and we're days away from my due date, Josh singing to the older kids before bed. He's singing them the lullabyes he'd written for their birthdays last year and our daughter sings along with him quietly, the boys hum it with him. I love hearing it every night.

I'm going through old CD's as I rip them to my hard drive and find a blank one, laughter coming from my lips as an old song plays in my earbuds. Nick's piece makes me laugh hysterically, but then again who wouldn't because it's methodically placed after Brian, Howie and AJ's parts. "...My name is Nick and I like the type of girl that likes to go dancing, the type of girl that likes to move her body, the type of girl that likes to shake what her momma gave her, the type of girl that will let me hold her hand and kiss her, the type of girl that will let me take her to the movies and then kiss her, the type of girl that will let me hold her so tight and then let me kiss her and kiss her and kiss her and kiss her..." He had to do that chuckle he does to this day.

Josh waves his hand and I see it out of my periphrial vision, pulling my earbuds out to respond to him. "What has you laughing that hard?"

I start the track over and press play, his head shaking from side to side. "You would think I'd roll my eyes at it, but it makes me laugh harder than I did when I first heard it."

"Baby, you're crazy."
"You're crazier for loving me."

"Admit me to a ward," he jokes, walking over to me.

"You have been and the biggest luxury is that it's your own house and have full freedom."

He kisses the tip of my nose and smiles. "I know," he fires back, making me grin.

They're three months old now, one of each and it's extremely draining-something worth every second of it. We named them AlexZandrya and Nickoly to bust Nick and AJ's balls on a daily basis, Nickoly's full name is Nickoly James Chasez and his twin sister is AlexZandrya Justine Chasez. My best friend's first name feminized with the femanine form of AJ's first name because I chose the name for our younger daughter, her older cousin's name with her confidant's (favorite friend's) name with minor alterations. She had been in labor for something like 9 hours, most of it being at home and was ready to have Nickoly within an hour of arriving at the birthing center at the midwives' office. AlexZandrya was another 45 minute wait and we spent the night there, bonding with our babies before heading home to bond with our older three children. Leilei, Lyon and Kal have been great helpers with everything and we couldn't ask for anything more.

Kal is now 11, Leilei just turned 9 a couple months ago and Lyon is turning 7 tomorrow; they've grown so much and have been amazing with all the changes coming about. They've done everything to help us while continuing to excel in not only school and Kenpo, adjusting to their new siblings surprisingly well. Leilei is feeding Zandy the breastmilk Sam had pumped late last night while Kal is pulling Nicko's pants up before embracing him to feed him the one of the other five bottles she had pumped at the same time. Sam can pump anywhere from a measly 10 ounces to 80 surprising ounces for the twins and it's the easiest way to ensure the 3 of them are getting all the nutritional essentials. She's almost down to the size she had been when we had first gotten together and I know she can shed those 35 extra pounds effortlessly, she'd gained about 53 altogether for the pregnancy.

"You have to let go, Zandry," Leilei giggles at her baby sister's greediness over the bottle of milk. "I have to burp you so that you don't have to get those nasty pains from gassy bubbles," she explains to the baby, earning a grin from her.

"Did you break the seal she has on the bottle, Liyah?" Sam asks her, looking beautiful like always.

She has on a pair of bell bottom flare jeans with 9 pockets (7 of which are on her legs and hips) that she modified herself, a tankini top and bare feet that are lightly slapping on the tiled kitchen floor. She now has 11 tatoos-one on the inside of her wrists, one on the top of her right foot, one on each shoulder blade, one on each side of her ankles and one on the back of her neck-including the faerie/butterfly illusion one on her lower back.

Our elder daughter looks at my beautiful soon to be wife, a small smirk on her visage and looks back at her baby sister. "Not yet, ma." She slides her hand down the bottle, slips a finger into the corner of the infant's mouth and is successful because I hear a slight popping sound. She sits Zandy up and alternates rubbing her back and patting it, producing a big belch from the bottom of the small child's stomach.

I chuckle and shake my head, Sam kissing my cheek when she reaches my side. She has four more bottles in the deep freezer, labeling before hand and Lyon storms around the corner. He's mad about something, but what it is will remain a mystery until Sam or I weasel it out of the second grader. I slowly walk over to the small blonde haired and blue eyed, devil horned child and drop down to his level to gain his attention. "What's wrong, Mitry?"

"I can't find my Power Ranger Zords," he pouts, folding his arms and giving me the boo boo lip.

"Didn't you bring them to Justin, Aaron or Nick's?"

He stops to think, his blue orbs searching with a single finger on his chin and he realizes where he left them. "I left a few at each of their houses and Chris and Joey's too." He runs off, heading right for the phone in the office next door to the kitchen to call the five men he just listed and reaches Justin first. "Uncle J, can you come get me?"

I laugh because I know that Lyon and J are inseparable when they get together for a 'big boy playdate', even more so since the twins have been born. He loves to take Lyon off our hands as much as he can so that he still gets the attention he wants, spending all the time he can with the kid and he plans on having his whole family come to LA for Thanksgiving so he can keep our middle child for the holiday vacation. It's a huge change for both of them and they want attention more than Sam and I could supply for either one of them, filling the void for that attention for one another.

It’s been 3 years and I finally released a new album, Usher and various other artists talking about the recording process and album. I’m in New York today and tomorrow is Boston for signings, noting the people lined up around the block at the least. “What’s the head count so far, Kailey?” I ask my personal assistant and best friend. I met her through Justin and James. She’s fresh out of college and I personally looked over her credentials, Jive confirming her remarkable internship. I told Usher to hire her to work under me.

She glances at her phone and shock washes over her face, a text message coming from our survey team of fans. “Over 5700 people lined up over a 9 block radius, patiently waiting for your chicken scratch to be added to their albums.”

I bob my head for a moment. “Decent. I thought people would have forgotten about me.”

She eyes me as if I’d lost my mind and should be thrown into an asylum. “You’re one of the hardest people to forget musically, never mind personally,” she quips, her hands on her hips.

I shrug and Usher taps my shoulder. I look over my shoulder with a grin. “Ready, ghetto?”

“As always, Playa Maja.”

He nods at the store’s personnel, the doors opening and fans begin pouring in somewhat calmly. I chose to do the signing at an FYE location because of my childhood being spent wishing that a big name in music coming to the one in Leominster, Massachusetts. I greet each one and Kailey had kept track of the number of fans that had come to purchase and request my signature on their copy.

A five week and 35 location signing tour, performing a couple songs live during some of them before I go back home to my five beautiful children and loving boyfriend. Tyler scoops me from LAX and I sigh as I allow my head to fall back on the seat’s head rest in his 2009 Chevy Camero. “Tired?” he questions, climbing behind the wheel and starting the car.

“Exhausted,” I confirm.

“Get some sleep. You might have jet lag and us guys can handle the spazzoids for a few more days if you want,” he offers.

“That sounds heavenly.”

“Josh wouldn’t mind carrying you in if you pass out on the way home.”

I feel someone lift me from the passenger seat, transporting me from the car to a soft surface with cool air surrounding it before pressing a kiss to my forehead and cuddling up behind me for awhile. I wake up to soft music playing from the radio, my own voice echoing from around me. “Wake up, beautiful,” his sweet tone tells me, his fingers lightly scratching my head.

“Nah,” I tease.

“Yes, it’s been three straight days of sleep.”

I crack open one eye and look at him, half asleep still. I smack my lips and look at him. “Food? Shower? Juice? Kids?”

He chuckles lightly. “You get in the shower and I’ll get you breakfast, juice included. The kids are with Justin, Chris and Lance.”

I pretend to consider it, getting up to grab some clothes and traipse into the bathroom to do as he requested. I hear the radio personalities announce that the KCAs are in a couple days and that I’ve been nominated for best pop album, best solo album and best video. I smile contently to myself as I dress. I head downstairs and grin at Josh. “Another #1.”

“For the past 4 weeks,” he informs me.

“Coolio.”

“He’s in town.”

He’s such a dork. “So isn’t Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger.”

We joke like this often. “We’re actually going to have dinner with Chad and his wife, Keleishya.”

Chad has become a great friend and awesome mentor to me, a good friend of Josh’s over the past few years. “Cool beans.”

“Some are hot.”

“Corn ball,” I remind him.

“I know. Makes you smile.”

“It does,” I agree with a grin.

He slides banana and strawberry stuffed French toast over the counter to me, maple syrup following after with OJ. “Eat up, we have a relaxing day alone to relish.”

I ate and we more than enjoyed a very relaxing day, it was spent lounging around. I just zipped my dress onto my body, Josh tying his dress shoe and the house phone rings. He answers and tells Nick that he, AJ, Rochelle and Kiasha can join us. I giggle quietly.

When did Nick and Lauren break up? It happened a few weeks after we found out Josh and I were having twins when she confessed to her true sexuality, a lesbian. They remain good friends and he literally run into Kiasha 5 months ago when he was chasing the football Aaron had thrown past Brent during their game of keep away from Brent. She’s Creole and of Swahili descent, stands 5’11”, is multilingual, has soft tight curls that fall between her shoulder blades and bright jade eyes. She doesn’t have a perfect body, but she does have some of the most beautiful curves any woman could wish for and look like a real person. I love her personality and food. She’s sweet, selfless and understanding of our professions. She’s supportive and I couldn’t dream of a more perfectly imperfect woman for my cousin. He’s always smiling and jovial thanks to her. She lent me her voice for background vocals for a few tracks on my new record. My favorite song we worked on together had been a remake of Nick’s Just What I Needed. It fit perfectly because we had recorded it three weeks into her relationship with him, the two of them having been so jaded from their previous relationships. She has a daughter from her ex-scuzzband who is just as beautiful as she is, hazel eyes being the only difference between their features.

I slip into my heels and smooth the fabric of my dress out of habit, feeling refreshed. “Ready, mami?”

“I need one thing first,” I confess, his eyes curious as he grins and pulls me into his arms. “I need a kiss.” He obliges without hesitation and we get into his scissor door Spyder. He got it for our three year anniversary, more than aware that I had wanted one in a metallic green.

One more thing you should know is that the anniversary was for our proposal date, but now we’ve decided. We have a large dinner planned for our families and friends, we even invited their families to the dinner as well. We pull up to our favorite restaurant and the valet parks our car, a manager greeting us at the door. “Right this way, JC and Sam,” she politely informs us.

We scoot into the booth and the chef personally comes out to take all our orders, disappearing moments later to make our 6 dishes personally. “What’s up?” AJ asks, impatient to find out later.

“You’ll find out tomorrow night at Josh’s, 6:30,” I tell them.

“Another cliff hanger?” Nick playfully whines, laughter coming from all of us.

The next night at Josh’s…

I laugh wholeheartedly at one of Chris’ bad jokes about Justin’s choice to grow out his Ramenhead again. “Okay, okay!” Justin jokes.

“Why are we all here again?” Aaron asks impatiently, knowing we have all arrived by now.

Josh and I smile at each other, knowing all eyes are on us. “You’re not pregnant again, are you?” Joey teases.

“Not until after March 23, 2017,” I coyly remark with a smirk.

“Is that the day?” Nick asks excitedly, becoming giddy like a small child in a store after seeing the sought after item.

“Yes.”

They all shriek and bombard me with hugs, inquiring about their roles in the ceremony. The children begin chattering happily about our impending nuptials.