-Prologue-

Clinton, Mississippi

Lance quickly removed the tape from his wrists, unwrapping it as quickly as he could before shoving them into his bag. That was shortly followed by his vest, the zipper getting stuck as he tried to force it down. He gave up on it, pulling the vest over his head and shoved that into his back as well. He pushed open the truck door and slid out, the heat of the sun instantly beating down on him.

He put a hand to his head, blinking to clear his vision before slamming the door shut. He sucked in a deep breath of air and started shuffling into the dine, Little Ole Miss. He reached the doors and pulled it open, sighing as a blast of cold air hit his face, cooling him instantly. He slipped inside and made his way through the gap between the counter and tables, looking for his friends.

As he spotted them, his world pitched sideways. Lance reached for something, anything to stop himself, but his hands slid off and he was spinning, falling to the ground on his back. He stared up at the beige ceiling a wave of nausea washing over him. He swallowed thickly hearing pairs of footsteps thudding towards him.

“James!” He felt a hand slapping his cheek and saw a blur of red, green, and purple. “James, are you ok? Answer me.”

“Ace,” he whispered, squinting his eyes, looking up at Annaleigh ‘Ace’ Carr.

“He looks really bad.” Another feminine voice. “Maybe he’s dehydrated?”

“Someone dial 911! We need an ambulance right now. Go! Somebody, go!

No. Lance let out a breath of air as his vision came back. He saw Darren and Annaleigh standing above him with other patrons of the diner. They all had looks of worry etched into their faces. “M’ok,” he said, forcing a smile to his face. He felt many hands grabbing his shoulders and arms, helping him sit up. “M’ok. I just pushed myself too hard running over here. Warm up, you know? Lost track of time.”

“Are you sure?” a male voice asked.

“I’m fine,” he replied, allowing his friends to pull himself into a standing position. “It’s just hot outside, that’s all. I over did it.”

“We’ll take him home,” Darren said.  “Don’t worry, he’ll be ok. His mom’s a nurse; she’ll be able to help.”

“I got him,” Annaleigh said, grasping Lance’s arm, putting it around her shoulders. Darren did the same with his other side.

Lance leaned against them, his energy slowly coming back. She peered up at him, her brown eyes wide with worry, her freckles bunching up as her nose wrinkled. Her gaze darted over to Darren as they hurried out the front doors of the Ole Miss.

“Mom’s not a nurse,” he said.

“It was the only way to get you out of there without any more questions,” Darren replied, his jaw set.

“What happened this time?” Annaleigh asked.

“I won,” Lance replied, giving her a small smile.

“Lance,” Darren said with a sigh. “These fights aren’t helping-“

“I’m fine,” Lance said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Damn it, James, you’re not invincible,” Annaleigh all but snapped. He knew she was more worried than angry. Lance licked his dry, cracked lips but didn’t say anything else. “You said you’d cut back on the fights. You’re really going to hurt yourself and your mom’s starting to ask questions.”

“If she asks, I was running before the meeting, and we went to look at pianos,” Lance said. Annaleigh looked over at Darren above his head before she looked back at him, nodding her head. “Thanks, Ace.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Annaleigh replied as they pushed open the front doors to the diner. “

“Thanks for keeping quiet about this,” Lance said as his friends helped him back to his car.

“Of course,” Darren replied with a nod of his head, “but I can’t keep it for long. You’re really banged up this time Lance.”

Annaleigh reached up a hand and touched a cut on his cheek and he winced, squeezing his eyes shut. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do,” Lance replied with a nod of his head.

 

---

-01-

TMZ - LANCE BASS: Out of the Closet

“Bass told People that he feared coming out while he was in the boy band 'N Sync because he felt "it would overpower everything."

The 26-year-old Bass, a Baptist, has already told his friends and his "shocked" family, according to the magazine.”

---

 TODAY - Lance Bass Reveals That He's Gay

“Bass, who formed ’N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn’t earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn’t want to affect the group’s popularity.

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys’ careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” he tells the magazine.

’N Sync is known for a string of hits including “Bye Bye Bye” and “It’s Gonna Be Me.” The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.”

---

PEOPLE – Lance Bass: I’m Gay

“"I didn’t know: Could that be the end of ’N Sync? So I had that weight on me of like, ‘Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did," he says speaking about his sexual orientation for the first time with PEOPLE.

Now, after years of keeping his personal life private, the Mississippi-bred, Southern Baptist-reared Bass, 26, is publicly revealing what he first shared with his friends, then his shocked family.”

---

Los Angeles, California

Twenty-six year old Lance Bass switched off the TV, letting out a loud groan as he ran his hands over his face and into his hair, gently tugging at the strands until his scalp tightened. He tapped the remote in his hand against the arm rest before he threw it across the room, where it landed on the couch with a soft thump.

“’Shocked family’,” he said, using air quotes around the word, words formed form molten bitterness, “that’s an understatement.”

His mom could barely look at him; not that he could blame her, it would be hard for anybody to see him through all those tears. And his dad…Lances was reassured that he was loved, but he could see  the fear and worry in his father’s eyes, the same fear and worry Lance was sure he could see in his own eyes, he could feel in his own heart. Stacey had cried too, but she was happy for him, and stressed to him that nothing was going to change between the two of them and that she didn’t love him any less, but she loved him more for being himself.

His gaze shifted towards the ceiling when he heard a shuffling sound followed by a thump and footsteps. He used his feet to turn the chair away from the TV and towards the entrance to the living room as footsteps were heard coming down the stairs.

“Nice to know you’re still alive an’ kickin’. Haven’ heard from you in days and here are just sittin’ on your ass. Boy, you better be happy I decided to check up on ya.”

“Don’t you think you’re getting a little too old to be climbing in through the window?” Lance asked as his best friend, twenty-four year old Annaleigh Carr, stepped into the living room, dusting off the knees of her jeans.

“So don’t live in houses with trees outside the bedrooms,” Annaleigh replied with her southern drawl, rolling her eyes. “Especially when they’re outside my bedroom window.” She moved to sit down on the floor in front of him, patting his knee. “Which, by the way, I happen ta notice doesn’ have that nice paint I picked out for it.”

“I’m not painting that all by myself.” Lance gave a small smile before he let out a laugh, shaking his head from side to side. “Are you just going to sit there or are you going to give me a hug?” he asked and Annaleigh shrugged. “Cause I really need one.”

Annaleigh’s lips pulled back into a relaxed smile before she  got to her feet, opening her arms towards him. Lance pulled himself out of his chair before wrapping his arms around her waist as she stood on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug.

“I didn’t know you were coming!” he said to her, squeezing her tight.

“Well, duh,” Annaleigh replied, her breath tickling his ear. “If I had told you it woulda ruined the surprise.” Lance chuckled as he buried his fingers into her chocolate brown tresses.

“Love you, Anal-Lee,” Lance said, using his old nickname for her. Annaleigh kissed him on the cheek before taking a step back from him, giving him a bright smile.

“Love you too, Bass-hole,” she replied and Lance chuckled. She then cupped his face with her hands and Lance gently took her wrists.

“How long have you been waiting to use that one?” he asked.

“Two years,” Annaleigh replied, her freckles dotting her nose sliding together as she scrunched up her nose. “But, you really are bein’ an asshole.” Lance gave her a confused look. “Just like I’ve been waitin’ for you to do this.” She waved her hand in a circle in the air. “I love you, James, but, I don’ love how you’re shuttin’ everyone out.”

Lance swallowed thickly, rubbing his thumbs against her wrists. “I’m sorry,” he replied quietly, dropping his gaze to the floor, “but I can’t…I’ve seen what people have said online. I can only imagine what they’re all saying out there. It’s just easier not to leave.”

He let out a sigh before gently removing her hands from his face. It was why he hadn’t left the house for days. It was why he was dodging calls. It was why he didn’t want to talk to anybody, or to see anybody. He didn’t want to know if there was even a slight chance that people wouldn’t treat him the same; treat him differently; treat him like he wasn’t a person.

He was the most worried about his ex-band mates. He had kept his sexuality a secret in fear that it would danger their careers or change their opinions about him. Justin Timberlake had a positive comment saying, "Lance is one of my great friends. I support him and wish him all the happiness in the world” and he knew Joey would of course have his back, and it warmed his heart to see that he said, “He took years to really think about how he was going to tell everyone. I back him up 100 percent." But, he hadn’t heard a word from JC or Chris about it.

“You mean it’s easier to hide,” Annaleigh replied as Lance dropped back into his chair. “Easier to run.” She slammed her hands down onto her hips, narrowing her brown eyes. “James Lance Bass, I can’t believe you’re doin’ this to me.” Lance’s eyebrows shot up, giving her a questioning look. “You’ve always been there to help me with what I’m goin’ through, especially when I was on tour with you boys , but now you won’ let me help you when that’s all I want ta do.” She tilted her head to the side. “Are you punishin’ me or somethin’?”

“For what?” Lance asked, his voice cracking. Then it hit him and he shook his head back and forth. “No. Don’t even think about that for one second, Anna.” Annaleigh moved to sit back down on the ground. “I was happy for you to work with Justin and JC on their albums. I told you to do it; it was a great opportunity.”

After serving as the travelling bass player for *NSYNC travelling with them on their No Strings Attached and PopOdyssey tours, she worked with both Justin and JC on their solo albums, providing bass lines for them and helping them write a couple of songs.

“I know,” Annaleigh replied quietly, “but if I was here more…I don’ know, maybe it wouldn’ be so bad. You wouldn’ feel so alone.”

Lance put his face in his hands for a moment before looking up at her, letting out a heavy sigh. “Anna, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Lance replied. “I have.” He chewed on his thumbnail. “I should’ve waited longer or…not done it so publically…or…just not…be this way. Maybe God’s punishing me for it.”

“So, where’s Jake?” Annaleigh asked, changing the subject. Lance couldn’t help but smile. He always smiled whenever his boyfriend’s name was brought up. “How is he? You still want ta be with him, right?”

He had met Jake McMahon at one of the many parties he had thrown when he first moved to California after *NSYNC had broken up. He was a friend of a friend, and often showed up whenever Lance was invited out for the night. They had hit it off right away; enjoying each other’s company, they had the same sense of humor, the same favorite movie genres, they both like to travel, and most importantly they had the same faith and beliefs.

Everything just clicked with them, it felt so right, that before he knew it they were going out on dates, trying to find time to be together, and then they were official. He couldn’t have been happier, or more scared. As they got closer together, the paparazzi were there to follow their every move. They had to be careful, more cautious. They went to parties through separate entrances, left at separate times, drove separate cars.

At first, the secrecy was exhilarating, it made everything more fun, but the more they kept it a secret, the more people wanted to expose it. They were put on gossip sites and in the tabloids every which way they turned, every time they left their house. And the more they were put on those sites, the more awful comments were thrown their way. After seeing the words “Fag” and “queer” so many times, he thought he’d get used to it, and used to the hate, but it hurt his heart each and every time.

“He had to work today,” Lance replied. “And of course I do.”

Jake was a photographer and had an unpredictable schedule aiding in photo shoots with celebrities or leading his own. Lance was even his test subject a handful of times. Not that he was opposed to any of it; he was used to it after all the photo shoots he had taken part in with *NSYNC, but now it was just for fun. Just for them.

“And how is he takin’ you sittin’ in here all day every day? Hiding?” Annaleigh asked and Lance scratched the side of his neck. “He’s happy with himself and he’s happy about the two of you as a couple. So, why aren’t you?” Lance stayed silent, twisting his fingers in his lap before shifting his gaze towards the front door as the doorbell rang. Annaleigh cringed. “Would you believe I left somethin’ not so important in the car?”

“Knowing you, yes,” Lance replied as he got to his feet. He stretched his arms over his head before making his way towards the front door, tugging at the waistband of his pants as his feet slapped on the linoleum floor. He made his way to the front door and twisted the door knob, pulling it open as he said, “Hey, Darren.”

“How’d you know it was me?” his best friend, Darren Dale, asked as he stepped into the house.

“Who else would Ace refer to as ‘something not important’, and would willingly leave in the car?” Lance asked as he pushed the door closed. Darren chuckled before he gave Lance a quick hug. “It also explains how she got over here since she doesn’t have a car and won’t take the bus.”

“There are crazy people on busses, ok?” Annaleigh called before joining the two of them in the foyer. She then wrapped an arm around the boys’ waists, pulling them to her sides, smiling up at the two of them. “You see, James, you’re not alone. The Three Musketeers, remember? Well, four includin’ Jake. And it wasn’ like you told the whole world; Joey, Stace, D, and I already knew, and obviously so did Jake.”

“And we didn’ care,” Darren added, lifting a hand to muss Lance’s hair. Lance made a face, smacking his hand away. “You’re Lance; our friend, our partner in crime—“ he motioned towards Annaleigh, “—and most importantly, the reason we stop fightin’.”

“Yeah, that’s the most important quality ‘bout him,” Annaleigh said with a roll of her eyes, shaking her head. She then lifted a hand and gently punched Lance’s shoulder. “Truth be told, Jake asked us ta come an’ check on you. What with Joey bein’ away from travellin’. Figured you’d needed some friends to cheer you up.”

“An’ your mom’s been worried, too,” Darren added and Lance gave a brief shake of his head. He exchanged glances with Annaleigh. “We all are.”

Yeah, worried about what everyone and what God thinks about her now that this is out, Lance thought to himself and then felt a spike of guilt pierce him.

He loved his mom, and he loved God, he really did, but he remembered what it was that he was taught in church, what he’d been taught by his mother since her was a kid. He knew that it was a shock and could understand why she, or anyone, would take the news so hard. But, in the end, it hurt him to know he had hurt her so much. That he had the capability to hurt her.

She had tried to show her support. Her words had rang in his ears every day. He could remember the strength she had tried to bring to her voice as she had said, “I’ll have a hard time accepting it, but I will one day. One day I’ll fully accept it, because you are my son and I love you. I just want you to be happy. If that’s with a man, then so be it. I hope whoever it is makes you happy. But right now…I just can’t.” Then she had taken his hand and they had sat in silence for a long time.

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Lance replied with a shake of his head. “I’m fine.”

“Lance, come on,” Darren said with a sigh, a frown coming to his face. Annaleigh stayed silent, her eyes narrowing slightly as she hiked an eyebrow in his direction. 

“Really, I am,” Lance replied. “I swear.”

“Don’t swear,” Annaleigh instantly replied and Lance let out a bark of laughter. “Look, we’re here for a couple of days, we jus’ want ta hang out, have a good time. Catch up.”

“Do you have a place to stay?” Lance asked, his eyes turning towards Darren. “We have plenty of room for you here, I’ll just let Jake know.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Darren replied reaching out a hand and clapped a hand to his shoulder. “Don’ worry ‘bout me, though. I can crash on the couch. I don’ want ta inconvenience you.”

“No, man, don’t worry about it,” Lance replied, putting his hand in the air, shaking his head. “I just need to put some sheets on the bed in the guest room and get some extra towels.”

“He can share my room, its fine,” Annaleigh replied, waving her hand in the air. Lance looked back and forth between Darren and Annaleigh as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Relax.” He watched as she reached her hand into her shirt to pull at the chain that sat around his neck to reveal the purity ring sitting at the end.

Lance’s eyes flickered over towards Darren. Annaleigh had liked Darren for as long as Lance had remembered. While she had moved on—at least it seemed that way, he wasn’t too sure—he was sure she’d always have strong feelings for her. Darren on the other hand had always been a little more aloof with his feelings.

Nothing significant had really happened between them—at least not in his opinion—especially when she was on tour with him and the rest of *NSYNC, but he could see that they had gotten closer over the years. If something were to happen, he’d be extremely happy for them. Apart from their bickering, which he quickly deduced was the way she flirted with him, he thought they’d be great together.

“I’m more worried about you two wanting to kill each other while Jake and I are sleeping,” Lance replied, deadpan. “You two have grown up over the years, right?”

“Jus’ a little bit,” Darren replied, lifting his fingers into the air, holding his forefinger and thumb a little ways away from each other. “Ace isn’ that annoyin’ anymore.”

“Ha ha,” Annaleigh said with a roll of her eyes. She pressed her lips together before pinching his side. Darren let out a yelp of pain and she stuck her tongue out at him before turning back towards Lance. “When was the last time you ate? You look thin. I’ll go make you somethin’.”

Lance opened his mouth to protest, but Annaleigh had already made her way into the kitchen. The clang of pots and pans hit the air as she started to make something for him to eat. He locked eyes with Darren and put his hands up defensively, turning to make his way back to the chair he had abandoned. He knew not to interrupt Annaleigh when she was, what he affectionately called “Mother Mode.”

She would worry about whether or not he, or any of their friends, had clean clothes, or plenty of food to eat, or had a clean place to live in and would go on a rampage to supply for them if they didn’t. There were a couple times where she was staying with him while in California where he would come home and find the pantry and refrigerator stocked with newly bought groceries, with pots filled with chili or spaghetti sauce, and with meals for the week prepared and cooling in the fridge.  

He couldn’t thank her enough for it, and would forever be grateful to her. She was the very first person he told about being gay. He told her while on the No Strings Attached tour and she didn’t take it well. Not that he really blamed her, she had just gone through a rough time and was, to put it nicely, emotionally unstable. As always, he was there to help her out, and while it did make their friendship a bit rocky for a spell, it only made them stronger.

She was always there for him, just like she promised she would be; even when Darren got mad after Lance had told him. Not because he was gay, that didn’t bother Darren at all, but because she had known and never told him solely at Lance’s request. Darren had more of a curious reaction to it, asking Lance if he was sure, how he knew that he was gay, and most importantly, if he was happy.

He couldn’t have asked for better friends. They were worried of course, and had every right to be, but they were supportive.

“So how’ve you been?” Darren asked. “Really?”

“And talk loudly,” Annaleigh called from the kitchen over the sound of running water.

“…Lousy,” Lance replied, dropping back down into the chair he had abandoned. “Every phone call, every e-mail…I never know what they’re going to say so…I just don’t answer. I can’t answer.” Darren slowly nodded his head. “I’ve had people who have been great about everything and then others…it’s just hard. I don’t want to disappoint anybody. I see all the comments online and the hateful things they say…”

“It’s disgustin’ what people online say,” Darren said with a shake of his head. “But, on the other hand, there are people who won’t hesitate to remind of their opinions: that what you’re feelin’, what you’re doin’ is sin and that they don’ like it. But, I mean…you were part of *N-Stink, right?”

Lance couldn’t help but smile at the name. Out of all the bad things he could’ve had said about him as he was part of *NSYNC, Chris was the one that had coined the term when talking about themselves. Laughing at themselves was the best way to keep themselves grounded.

“So, you should be used to, in a way, all the negative comments thrown your way,” Darren replied with a shrug of his shoulders, “And all those people who talked badly ‘bout your dancin’ when we were in Attaché.”

“And let’s be honest here,” Annaleigh said as she leaned in the kitchen doorway, pointing a spoon at him, “your dancin’ was pretty terrible.”

“Thanks, Ace,” Lance said, giving her a bright smile, which she returned.

“Welcome,” she chirped before a serious look crossed her face. “I’ve never seen you like this, Lance, even when you’re worried about your dancin’. You’ve never been one to take what people say ‘bout you to heart. You’ve always been so confident.”

“Hmm, I’m a better actor than I thought,” Lance commented and Darren let out a short laugh. He rested his elbow on the arm rest, tilting his head to rest his head into the palm of his hand. “Everyone says it’ll get better. Do you really believe that?”

“Yes,” Darren instantly replied with a nod of his head. “God wouldn’t test you with this if he didn’ think you’d come out the other side stronger than when you went in”

“And you’re not alone,” Annaleigh said before a whining tone came to her voice. “Please listen to me when I say that.” She then pointed the spoon at him again. “You told me that all the time and it took me so long ta believe it, but I did. Because it came from you. That was all that mattered. So please listen to us.” She then clasped her hands together, lacing her fingers, giving him a pleading look, sticking out her bottom lip.

“No, not the eyes!” Lance said loudly, throwing his hands up to cover his face. “Don’t give me the eyes!” He then lowered his arms and smiled at his friends. “Thank you.” He looked over at Darren. “Both of you. I don’ know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, you’d starve for one,” Annaleigh pointed out.

“And you probably wouldn’ have been in *N-Stink,” Darren added. “I don’ remember getting thanked at all.” A mock thoughtful look crossed his face. “Ace? Do you?”

“No, D, I can’t say that I have,” Annaleigh replied, tapping her chin with her finger.

“Very funny,” Lance replied with a roll of his eyes, although he was smiling. For a moment, everything was alright. But only for a moment. In his house he was safe, in his own little world where everything worked out the way he wanted it to.

But out there, in the real world, it was a whole different story. And he wasn’t sure if he had God on his side.

 

-02-

Lance pressed his face into his pillow, letting out a sigh through his nose as he slowly woke up. He reached for his sheets and pulled them up to his shoulder, untangling his legs from the smooth material. He blinked his eyes open, wincing slightly as the bright sunlight filtered through the curtains and onto his bed.

“Morning.”

Lance felt a smile grace his lips as he rolled over to face his boyfriend, Jake. He couldn’t help but smile whenever he was around him. Jake was amazing. They really clicked and they just understood each other.  Jake was a romantic, and he was passionate about their relationship, and from what Lance could see, was completely committed to him. He couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.

But, he could ask to have the camera removed from his face. Lance lifted his hand and pushed at the lens that Jake held above him. “Another one?” he asked before rubbing at his eyes with his hand.

“You agreed to help me with this project, remember?” Jake said as he set the camera down onto the bedspread. “Besides, you’re cute when you’re just waking up.”

“Is anyone actually going to see these pictures or are they a personal project?” Lance asked, giving Jake a teasing smile.

“A little bit of both,” Jake admitted with a twitch of his eyebrows. Lance let out a chuckle as Jake lifted his camera back up to his eye. He heard the click of the shutter before he lifted his hand to push the camera away a second time.

“Next one’ll cost ya,” he said, giving an impish smile. Jake laughed as he removed the camera strap from around his neck before leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Lance’s lips. A small frown came to his face as Jake pulled away from him. Lance rolled onto his back, resting a hand on his stomach as he peered up at Jake, who messed with the back of his camera. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jake replied, his eyebrows knitting together as he scrolled through the pictures on his camera. His eyes flickered up towards Lance as he gave a small smile. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“No, what is it?” Lance asked, pushing himself up onto his elbows, before moving into a seated position. He adjusted the blankets around his waist.

He knew something was wrong. It was a little silly to notice, as he should be happy to even have someone to wake up to every morning and to kiss, but he noticed that this kiss was different. It was too quick, too lackluster. Lance used Jake’s kisses to help kick start him and get him ready for the day.

Jake was silent for a moment before he turned his camera around to show Lance the picture on the back. Lance smiled as Jake started scrolling through pictures on the camera of the two of them during one of their outings at the beach. It was before he had come out, before he had avoided phone calls and e-mails, and before he, in a way, avoided Jake.

He could tell Jake was hurting, but he was hurting as well. It was all so new to him, to be out and to have every eye on him, ready to scrutinize every move he made. Jake had been openly gay for years, and he was happy and most importantly, he made Lance happy. That was all that mattered.

Even when rumors were going around about Lance’s sexuality just because of the time he spent with Jake at parties or social events, they had hurtful comments attached to them, and that’s what made Lance hesitant about coming out in the first place. It made him sick to see all the comments about him. There were some good comments (if he had to guess, mainly from the gay community), but it was ultimately, Jake’s love and patience that made him think that everything would be ok.

It was all just so confusing. A part of him was proud and happy to finally be the person he had been hiding, the person he had been holding back for so many years. However, at the same time, he was terrified of what could potentially happen. He didn’t know a lot of people who were gay, especially who had the luxury of being in the public eye (save for Elton John and George Michael, but who didn’t know about that), so it felt like a whole new world for him, and like he was representing a whole new community he had just joined.

It was scary.

But, it was scarier, that he didn’t know how to talk about it with Jake.

So, he kept quiet.

“I’ve just been worried about you, that’s all,” Jake replied, his shoulders slumping slightly as he set his camera down into his lap. He reached out a hand and tousled his bed head, already making his untidy hair even more messed up. Lance closed his eyes at the touch, a shiver shooting down his spine.

“You’ve been really quiet lately.” He then stretched himself out so he was lying down next to Lance, using his hand to prop up his head. “I’m proud of you, you know; for coming out. I’ve never loved you more than I do now. I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to do this alone.”

“I know,” Lance replied.

“Do you?” Jake asked, his eyebrows shooting up. Lance gave him a look of confusion and Jake snorted. “You seem to have no problem cutting yourself off from everybody.” Lance felt his jaw drop. “If I hadn’t called Annaleigh to come—“

“Ace would’ve come anyway if I went any longer not talking to her,” Lance interrupted him, his voice cracking. “You know how much of a worrier she is.” A thoughtful look crossed Jake’s face before he nodded his head. An ache formed in the pit of Lance’s stomach, his heart started beating faster, a warm feeling washed over him, settling at the top of his head. “What is this about?”

“Are you embarrassed about who you are?” Jake suddenly asked. “Or are you embarrassed to be with me?”

“What?” Lance asked, his eyes popping open. “Of course not. Jake, I love you.”

Jake pinched at the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. Lance got to his feet before rolling over and he was at the edge of the bed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and got to his feet, adjusting the waistband of his boxers as he did so. He then lifted his hands and ran them over his head as he started to pace.

“You’ve just been really down lately,” Jake continued his explanation. “Not just lately…a lot recently. I can only try and build you up so many times before it becomes exhausting.”

“So, I’m exhausting to you?” Lance asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “I…this is all just so hard for me.”

“You don’t think it was any harder for me, when I came out?” Jake asked with a laugh, pulling his knee to his chest. “Sure, I didn’t have the media surrounding me at every turn, but it wasn’t a cake walk for me.” He pressed his lips together for a moment. “People shut me out, they called me names, they defaced my property—“

“I know, I know,” Lance interrupted him, running his hands over his face before he climbed back into the bed before reaching out a hand to grasp Jake’s. Jake pulled his hand back, moving to scratch the back of his head.

“I don’t think you do,” Jake said, shaking his head from back and forth. “In fact, there’s no way you can. Everybody loved you; you were part of *NSYNC. No one could touch you.” Lance blinked, taken aback.

“So..you hate that I was in *NSYNC?” Lance asked, his mind swirling. “It’s not like I can take that back.”

“I know!” Jake said before putting a hand into his face. “I’m not mad that you were in *NSYNC, nor do I really care. I love you for you, but I don’t love how I always have to build you up. Like only your problems matter and mine don’t.”

Lance’s jaw dropped as he stared at Jake. “It’s just so frustrating,” Jake continued. “You’re excited about what your career will hold, and then you’re depressed when nothing gets picked up. One minute you’re al all for coming out and the next, you want to hide out and wallow after every negative comment you read. There’s going to be negative comments aimed at you for the rest of your life.”

“…Where is this coming from?” Lance asked, quietly.

“It’s not fair for you to be open and willing in the comfort of home and then act all guarded when we’re outside,” Jake continued. “It’s not fair to me. It’s why…I didn’t want to ask, but I thought it was me. I thought I was doing something wrong.”

“You’re not,” Lance replied. He could hear the fear, the worry, and the desperation in his voice. His voice cracked with emotion and he could feel the familiar sting of tears in his eyes, the lump forming in his throat.  “I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you. Not even close. I just…this is all happening so fast.” Jake clicked his tongue, his eyebrows twitching before he turned his head, scratching the side of his jaw. “Look, I get that I’m new at this; being out. But, cut me some slack. I need…I need to figure this all out, that’s all.”

“I thought you already had,” Jake said, his face slowly turning a bright red, eyes squeezing shut. “I helped you figure out the pros and cons to this and you said you were ready.”

“How can anybody be ready for that?” Lance asked, his voice cracking as he waved his arm in the air. He wasn’t indicating anything in the room, more like everything out there. Outside. In the real world. As long as he was in his house, he could escape from the paparazzi, from the gossip blogs, from anybody that wanted to pry into his life. “I just—“

“Need time?” Jake asked, his words dripping with sarcasm. “I’ve given you all this time to figure things out. I thought you were happy.”

Lance opened and closed his mouth. He was happy. He was the happiest he had even recognized him to be in a while. But, he was so used to looking over his shoulder to see if there were photographers running after them, for taking precaution wherever he went, guarding his heart after a couple failed relationships, his demeanor wasn’t just going to change overnight.

That’s not to say he wasn’t trying. He initiated hand holds in public, didn’t look for private corners to hide in (he didn’t plan on giving that up entirely), and tried hard to squelch the nagging feeling to do a quick three-sixty to make sure they weren’t being watched. Truth be told, the secrecy made their relationship that much more fun and exciting when it first started out.

At the same time, it’s what made their relationship hard.

Lance squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. He didn’t want to talk about this. Or rather, fight about it, not this early, and not when he hadn’t had it all figured out. Not when he was talking off the top of his head, reacting to Jake’s anger and confusion and…heartache?

“Look, I have to get ready for work,” Jake said, turning to roll out of the bed. Lance watched as he made his way to the closet, pulling open the doors with more effort than he needed to. He furiously pushed hangers of clothes aside, looking for a shirt and ants to wear. “We can talk about this later. After we take some time to think about it and come up with some ideas on what we want to do.”

“Are you…breaking up with me?” Lane asked. He watched as Jake’s shoulders slumped as he let out a long, heavy sigh.

“No,” he replied, turning around to face Lance as he shook out a gray t-shirt before pulling it up over his head.  “Let’s just take some time to think about this, ok?”

He then reached for a pair of jeans, pulling them off the hangar before he jumped into them. He bounced on the soles of his feet once, twice, three times as he pulled the material up over his legs and to his waist, sliding up the zipper, and buttoning the button. He quickly stepped closer to Lance and kissed him on the cheek before grabbing his abandoned shoes that lay by the front of the bed.

“Love you, have a good day,” he said in his rush to grab his camera before hurrying to the door. His camera made a thunking sound as it hit the door as Jake grabbed the door knob. He then hurried out of the room, calling over his shoulder, “Whatever it is that Ace is making, tell her it smells great and I’m sorry I can’t have any of it.”

“Oh…kay,” Lance managed to get out, blinking rapidly. What just happened? He dropped back against his pillows, letting out a loud groan.

His hands slapped down onto his stomach, staring up at the ceiling before rolling his head to look over at the empty space next to him. The body heat, the essence of Jake missing from the bed, from the room, leaving the area to feel cold and uncomfortable. Shaking, trying to rid his body of the uncomfortable feeling, Lance climbed out of bed.

Quickly changing, he made his way across the plush carpet and into the rug covered hallway, the smell of bacon and pancakes instantly wafting into his nose. His stomach growled, masked by the sounds of his footsteps on the wooden stairs as he hurried down them before making his way into the kitchen, his feet slapping against the linoleum.

“Mornin’,” Annaleigh chirped, setting a plate of freshly cooked bacon strips onto the island. She smacked the back of Darren’s hand with the spatula she held in her hand.

“Ow!” Darren cried, waving his stinging hand in the air. He watched as Annaleigh turned back towards the stove and he quickly grabbed a strip, taking a bite out of it. “Hey, Lance.”

“Hey,” Lance replied with a sigh, dropping onto the stool next to him. “Surprised you’re still alive.”

“Yeah, barely,” Darren said with a roll of his eyes. “Did you know she kicks in her sleep?”

“Dreaming of drop kicking Wade again?” Lance asked reaching for the pitcher of orange juice, pulling it towards him. He then reached for two of the three glasses in front of him and started to fill them. Getting silence, he looked over at the stove and watched as Annaleigh’s spine stiffened. “Ace, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—“

“Tryin’ to kick him outta bed more like,” Annaleigh replied, interrupting him as she turned away from the stove, planting a hand on her hip. “He snores like a monster truck, ya know.” She then indicated the pancakes that were cooking on the stove. “Plain, blueberry, or chocolate chip?”

“Ace, you really don’t have to do this,” Lance said, sliding a glass of orange juice over to Darren. “Chocolate Chip, please.”

“Also don’ have ta ask you ‘bout why Jake was in a hurry ta get outta here, but I’m goin’ to anyway,” Annaleigh replied with a shrug, reaching for the bag of chocolate chip morsels that sat by the stove.

Lance let out a long sigh through his nose as he lifted his glass of orange juice to his mouth. “Uh oh,” Darren said quietly as he reached for the plate of bacon, grabbing a second one.

“Boy, if you don’t stop doin’ that,” Annaleigh said turning around to face Darren, pointing the spatula menacingly in his direction. “I promise you that I’ll—“

“Ok, ok,” Darren said, pulling his hands back, holding them up defensively. “Geez, you’re more like Miss Caroline that I thought. He then elbowed Lance in the side. He was making himself busy by drinking his orange juice as slowly, and loudly, as possible. “What happened?”

“We got into a fight,” Lance replied with a sigh after lowering his cup. He let out a loud burp and wiped at his lips with the back of his hand.

“Y’see what all that time away from home did to ya?” Annaleigh asked with a teasing smile as she moved pancakes from the hot plate onto a saucer. She turned off the stove, and carried the plate over to the island, setting it down. “Forgot all your manners. You best be happy I didn’ bring that up on tour.”

“No, that’s what happens after being friends with Joey for so long,” Lance said with a laugh as he started to load up his plate. He watched as Darren and Annaleigh exchanged glances.

“What she’s sayin’ is, just come home for a little while,” Darren explained, talking slowly as if he was choosing his words carefully. “Everybody misses you back home—“ Lane snorted, “—and it’s not the same atmosphere as out here. You wouldn’ have ta worry ‘bout paparazzi or anythin’ like that.”

“An’ you’ll be ‘round family,” Annaleigh added. Lance bit back a remark.

He couldn’t go home. Not to a place where his parents weren’t fully accepting of him. Yes, he was still their baby boy, but he could hear the change in his mom even when they talked on the phone. Naturally, she and his dad were worried about him, and wanted him to be safe, but he could tell it would be a while for them to accept him, if they wanted to at all.

He always worried about his mom breaking down over the phone; he could always tell she was right on that edge. He did his best to show her that he was happy, however, he never went into details. He had made that mistake once and could hear sobs, and ask, “Oh, Lord, why?” right before the dial tone pealed in his ear. He could never get those words out of his head and he didn’t think he ever would.

The fact of the matter was, living in a church entered city, being a parent to a gay child could be viewed as worse than being gay yourself. He couldn’t imagine what was going on back home, what they were dealing with. They never said anything to him, but he could sense it.

And it was all his fault.

“You an’ I both know how hard it can be out here,” Annaleigh continued, giving him a small smile. ”Jus’ get away from it for a while.”

“I don’t know,” Lance replied with a shake of his head. “It’d look like I was just running away.” Annaleigh’s eyebrows shot up as her eyes narrowed slightly in a look that said, What do you think you’re doing now? Lance closed his mouth, dropping his gaze down into his lap before looking back up at her. “Good point.”

“It’ll also give you some time to think ‘bout things with Jake,” Darren suggested as he reached for the stack of plates on the table, starting to fix their plates. “What’d you fight ‘bout?”

“He was mad that he always had to help me emotionally,” Lance explained after a moment of silence. He reached for the strip of bacon on his plate and took a large bite out of it. “Said I didn’t do the same for him and that I haven’t figured out what I wanted out of the relationship and out of him. All I said was that this was hard, and he flipped out.”

Instead of using the fork and knife that were laid out, Lance grabbed the top pancake from his stack with his hand and took a large, furious, bite out of it. “I mean, one minute things were going well, and the next, I think he started to break up with me, but then backed out of it,” he said around his loud chewing. “It all came so fast, it made no sense.”

“I hate to say this…” Ace said as she set down her knife and fork, food untouched.

“Ace,” Darren said, with a warning tone. Lance looked back and forth between the two of them.

“What?” Lance asked, feeling his heart speed up. “Tell me!” Darren let out a sigh, waving his hand into the air. Annaleigh briefly closed her eyes, twisting her mouth to the side; the mole on her upper lip disappearing as her lip curled.

“He could be cheatin’ on you, but doesn’ know how ta tell you,” Annaleigh said after a moment of silence. Lance blinked; it was the only thing he could move. “It’d explain his anger an’ why he suddenly lashed out, why he couldn’ handle being patient with you anymore. I don’ wanna compare, but you saw how my parents were before they got divorced. Plus, he was in a rush to get to work.”

“He has been working a lot lately,” Lance muttered.

“Hey, don’ jump to conclusions, it might not be true,” Darren pointed out. It didn’t make Lance feel any better. “We jus’ want you ta be happy, Lance and you haven’t seemed ta be for a while, so…”

The idea of being cheated on made his stomach rock, and a sick feeling appear. He had been cheated on a couple of times, and it sucked. To put so much into a relationship, to do everything you can to make it work, and then find out that your boyfriend had been throwing it all away any chance he got was hurtful and hard to bounce back from. He didn’t want to have to go through that again. Before Jake, he wondered if he would ever fall in love again.

Lance put his face into his hands, rubbing at his eyes. He then sniffed, brushing them back over his hair, slapping his hands down onto the table. “I don’t know what to do,” he said quietly. “This all happened so fast. It was supposed to be a good thing, but, it’s not.”

“Oh, James,” Annaleigh said quietly, slumping in her seat. She frowned as she started to pick at her food. Darren reached over and patted his friend on the back.

“It’ll get better, Lance, it’ll just take time,” Darren said to him.

“How?” Lance asked, his voice cracking. He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. He was getting tired of hearing those words without getting an idea as to how it’d get better. Right now, it was all just a mess. “How is it going to get better?”

“…I don’t know,” Darren admitted, twisting his mouth to the side. “I’m new to all of this, too. So, you’re not alone. We can all figured this out, together.”

“Right,” Annaleigh replied with a nod of her head. “The Three Musketeers.” She then sniffed before startng to cut her pancakes. “Besides, I didn’ like Jake much anyway.” She pointed her fork at Lance. “You’re too good for him.”

Lance let out a weak laugh.

 

-03-

 “He’s really worried ‘bout this.”

Annaleigh shifted her green eyes to look over at Darren through the mirror mounted on the wall of her room a she twisted her dark hair up into a ponytail. He was lounged out on her bed, spinning a pillow in his hands, staring up at the ceiling.

“Can ya blame ‘im?” she asked, turning away from the mirror, crossing her arms over her chest. “He hasn’ had it all that easy even before he came out.”

“Why’d you even tell ‘im that Jake could be cheatin’?” Darren asked, turning his head to look at her. Annaleigh clicked her tongue before crossing the room to him, grabbing the pillow from his hands before smacking him in the stomach with it.

“Because it’s possible,” she replied. “An’ it makes sense. It was either that, or Jake’s datin’ him for his money.” Darren hiked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. “It’s possible.” He let out a sigh through his nose, briefly closing his eyes. “You know I’m right.”

“When are you not?” he asked, sounding tired, blinking open his eyes.

“Glad you agree with me,” Annaleigh replied with a grin before she moved to sit cross legged on her bed, hugging her pillow to her chest. “That’s a first.”

“Don’ remind me, it was already hard enough ta say it the first time,” Darren said with a roll of his eyes. Annaleigh smacked him with a pillow for a second time. He then tucked it underneath his head, sucking in a deep breath of air before letting out “I jus’ don’ want him ta get hurt again. You saw how it was the last time.”

“He wasn’ as invested in Greg as he is with Jake, though,” Annaleigh replied, raking her fingers through her hair. “I mean, they weren’ together as long as he and Jake were.”

“Feelings are feelings,” Darren replied, briefly making a face. “It doesn’ matter how long they were together, Lance was in love with the guy and break ups aren’ easy.” He ran a hand through his short, dark hair. They were silent for a moment. “Do you really think Jake could be cheating?”

“Fights could really mean anythin’,” Annaleigh said with a shrug, “and I know not everybody’s the same but that’s all my parents did ‘fore I found out dad had an affair long time ago. Also, he seems to really be invested in work; I mean you saw how quickly he ran out today, he decided to fight with Lance in bed, blindsiding him; he used to be fine with bein’ patient with him. Lance has been at the house by himself a lot more—“

“Or you could just be lookin’ for somethin’ to be wrong and they’re just going through a little tiff,” Darren said, interrupting her.

“What do you mean, ‘lookin’ for somethin’ to be wrong’?” Annaleigh asked, lowering her voice to try and match his pitch, causing Darren to let out a short laugh.

“Any guy that’s even had a drop of interest in you, you’ve found somethin’ wrong with ‘em,” he replied, closing one eye as he thought. “Sure, you might actually like the guy, but the minute it starts goin’ somewhere it’s: ‘He was too nice’, ‘He liked doin’ everythin’ for me’, ‘His nose was too big’, ‘He didn’ respect my dad’-“

“That last one makes sense,” Annaleigh said, interrupting him. “What point are you tryin’ to make?”

“I think ever since what happened with you and Wade, especially after findin’ out what happened with your dad, you’re not all too trustin’ of guys whether you’re interested in ‘em or if they’re interested in Lance,” Darren replied and Annaleigh’s eyebrows twitched, but she stayed silent. “You were worried about Lance the minute you heard ‘bout him and Jake.”

“After Greg, why wouldn’ I be?” Annaleigh asked; her voice getting higher pitched the more defensive she got. “You were worried, too.”

“I ain’t denyin’ that,” Darren replied, putting his hands up defensively. “And don’ get your feathers ruffled, I’m worried, ‘bout you, too.”

“I’m flattered, but ya don’ have ta be,” Annaleigh replied, rolling off her bed, her feet hitting the floor. She brushed her hair out of her face before pointing a warning finger in his face. He merely looked down at her pink nail polish covered finger before looking back up at her. “And those are good reasons ta not want to date someone.”

“Look,” Darren said, sitting up, “what you do with your personal life, that don’t make me no never mind-“

“You care and you know it,” Annaleigh replied quietly. Darren silently regarded her before glancing towards the ceiling, nodding his head just slightly. She gave a small smile and Darren made a clicking sound with his tongue.

“I just don’ think it’s fair that you put all guys in the same mold just cause of Wade,” Darren replied after a moment of silence. “God helped you get through it. He’ll help Lance, too.”

“Not every guy, D,” Annaleigh replied before pressing her lips together, moving to sit back on her heels. She gave him a pointed look before getting to her feet. “Some are worth waitin’ ‘round for.” Darren opened and closed his mouth before making a noise in the back of his throat. “You comin’ to the gym with me or what?”

“And have my ego crushed with you out-lifting me?” Darren asked, his eyebrows shooting up. “Fat chance.” He and Annaleigh shared a smile as he lifted his hand to push her forehead, tilting her head back.

“Get out of my room,” Annaleigh laughed, pushing his hand away before shoving his shoulder. “You’re such a loser. You should be happy that I was hospitable enough ta give you a place ta sleep.”

“With how much you kicked in your sleep, I’m startin’ to wonder if that was a good thing,” Darren commented with a half smile, earning a punch to the shoulder. He grabbed Annnaleigh’s wrist, a serious look crossing his face. “Seriously, Ace, I’m here for you. Lance, too. We always have been.”

“I know,” Annaleigh replied. She removed her arm from his hand and looped it around his waist, resting her head on his chest. Even when I tried to push them away, they were always there.

“Just keep this up,” Darren said, tapping his fingers underneath her chin. “You’re stronger, than this, Ace. I’ve seen it. Don’t let one bad egg ruin the bunch for ya.”

She hated to admit it, but she knew that he was right: despite her parents being happier then she’s seen them in years, and everything with Wade, she was picky about guys. She knew there were great guys out there, the best being named Darren, Lance, Joey, JC, Justin, and Chris and she knew she couldn’t hide behind them for the rest of her life.

She had pined after Darren for years, and she didn’t think she could ever stop having strong feelings for him, and she knew that she was comparing everybody to him and it wasn’t fair. To know that he was still one of her closest friends after all those years; even annoyingly using her feelings for him as a way to tease her kept them close. She was happy to still have him around and to know that they’d always be there for each other, and that was better than not having him at all.

 She had always planned to settle down and start a family by the time she was twenty-five, but it seemed like God had a different plan for her. She just hoped she had enough trust and faith in Him to go along with whatever it was that He wanted her to go through.

“Now we need to be there for Lance,” she said as he looped an arm around her shoulder, giving her a hug. “And I can’t stand watchin’ him sit like that all day.” She waved her arm towards the hallway. “He’s been doin’ nothin’ but starin’ at his phone all mornin’.”

“Can ya blame him?” Darren asked, scratching at the side of his jaw with his free hand.

“Naw,” Annaleigh replied with a shake of her head, her nose wrinkling as he shook her head. “Guess not.” She then removed her arm from around his waist and shoved his shoulder. “When’d you get so smart?”

“College will do that to ya,” Darren commented and Annaleigh twisted her mouth to the side. She had barely finished high school when touring with *NSYNC and in the years after that, while she continued to work, she finished school work to the bet of her ability, managing to squeak out a college diploma through online courses.

“Ha ha,” Annaleigh replied. Darren stuck his tongue out at her and pushed at the back of her head, pushing her head down. “I’ll see you when I get back.” She headed for the closet and pushed the doors open to grab her gym bag, sliding the strap over one shoulder. “What are you goin’ ta do today?”

“Haven’ been out here in a while, might just check out the city,” Darren replied with a shrug.

 “Maybe we should try again ta see if we can get Joey ta come out?” she suggested, adjusting her tank top.

“Wouldn’t hurt,” Darren replied.

“Alright, well I’m gonna head out.”Annaleigh lifted her hand in a wave before making her way through the carpeted hallway and down the hardwood stairs, making her way into the living room. She paused when she saw Lance lounging his chair…again. “James, let’s go.”

Lance looked up from his phone from where it was sitting on his thigh and gave her a confused look. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

“I’m takin’ you to the gym, that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” Annaleigh replied, clapping her hands together. “Come on, let’s go.”

“I don’t feel like goin’ to the gym,” Lance said shaking his head, running his hands over his face.

“Seems ta me like ya don’ feel like doin’ anythin’,” Annaleigh commented, setting her bag down onto the ground, sitting by his feet. “Jake said you’ve barely been outta the house since everythin’ went down. Not that I blame you. I know how ya feel.”

“Ace…“

“Seriously, James, I do. To not want ta go outside and be bombarded with questions ‘bout how’ve you been doing, what really happened, day in and day out,” Annaleigh continued. Lance let out a sigh through his nose, pressing his mouth into his hand. “It sucks; you really start to realize what it is that people really care about. They wonder what the next scandal will be and will pounce on you to get out every detail they can. They don’ care ‘bout the fact that they’re constant questions and badgering makes things worse.”

She reached out a hand and patted his knee. “Now, I understand that it’s harder for ya,” she said to him. “No one understands and they don’ choose to understand. The easiest thing is ta just shut everybody out because you don’ think there’s anyone that’ll understand. Jake understands; he’s been through everything you’ve been through.”

“Only difference is that you’re not just Lance Bass, you’re ‘Lance from *NSYNC’. Everyone wants know what you’ve been up to since you guys took a break and everyone’s talkin’ about you. But, they’re not jus’ talkin’ about you, they’re talkin’ about Jake, too. He’s doin’ his best, but I don’ think he’s ever been in a relationship with someone who was so in the public eye for so long. It’s bound ta be hard on him.”

“So you’re siding with him?” Lance asked, raising his eyebrows. “And weren’t you just saying you think he’s cheating?”

“I didn’ say that,” Annaleigh instantly replied, blinking once. She then bobbed her head back and forth. “Well, I did say that; but you know me, I like to give people second chances."

"When did Jake need a second chance with you?" Lance asked, hiking an eyebrow. "Thought you loved him."

"Remember when you brought him to my house back home?" Annaleigh asked, arching her eyebrow as well. Lance slowly nodded and she gave a sqeet smile. "He was on his second chacne ever since he broke my Ma'steacup."

Lance rolled his eyes.

"You’re both right and you’re both wrong. I understand why he’s frustrated, but no one ever said this would be easy; he could be doin’ a better job at bein’ understandin’. You on the other hand, can’t let this get you down. Being gay is who you are; you finally get a chance to be yourself. You said it yourself, you were tired of hidin’.”

“It’s just so much harder than I thought it was going to be,” Lance said quietly, running his hands over his face.

“Harder than movin’ away from home to audition for *NSYNC knowin’ you can’t dance, or harder than keeping yourself a secret for all these years, or harder than tryin’ to keep yourself while still wantin’ to try and date guys?” Annaleigh asked counting off on her fingers. Lance was silent, staring back at her with his green eyes filled with pain. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting out a heavy sigh. “Or…harder than hearing what I had to say when you came out to me?”

Annaleigh knew she’d never forget that day for the rest of her life. It was right after everything with Wade Robson had boiled over. Lance had found out about Wade knocking her around from time to time and quickly got the guys to help him put a stop to it. She had been grateful for it, and had turned her feelings of gratitude into something more for him.

They weren’t real feelings, but they had felt real at the time; she thought Wade had truly cared about her, and loved her, something she had wanted ever since she found out about her dad’s affair. He had tried to let her down gently, telling her it wasn’t going to happen and then it just slipped out.

Shocked, angry, and hurt, she had blurted out the most hateful thing she had ever said to him in her entire life. She preached to him how it was a sin, how he was shaming his whole family, how he was shaming her, that he didn’t actually care about her, and a whole bunch of other things she had said in a fit of anger. She didn’t mean any of it. She saw how much it hurt him the seconds the word slipped past her lips. She knew she’d never forget what she said and she knew that Lance would never forget, even if he did forgive her.

And, thankfully, he did.

It was a rough patch between the two of them for a while as she tried to get used to the idea that he was gay. Being stuck in a tour bus together, as well as working on new *NSYNC albums and living in the same house, made it hard to ignore. It was after many sleepless and prayer filled nights that Annaleigh finally understood that he was always gay and she liked him for who he was despite not knowing. It didn’t change him; he was still the Lance she grew up with and trusted and loved with every fiber of her being.

She just wanted him to be happy.

“You know I hate seeing you so upset,” Annaleigh said quietly, using her thumb to wipe at the tears that were building in the corners of her eyes. She sniffed loudly, swallowing the lump that was building in her throat. She took in a shaky breath before letting it out, pushing a smile to her face. “You have to tell everybody to suck it and to go out with your head held high and show them that you don’ care what they have ta say ‘bout you. It’s your life, not theirs.”

“Don’t do that,” Lance said as he got to his feet. He grasped her small hands with his larger, callused ones, and pulled her to her feet. “Don’t cry.” He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe at her eyes before he gave her a kiss on the forehead before wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. “Ace, it’s ok.”

“No it’s not,” Annaleigh replied, shaking her head, wiping at her eyes with a shaky hand. “I can see you as a loveable, funny, nice, sweet, and caring person, forget the fact that you’re gay. Why can’ other people see it?”

“Because they don’ want to,” Lance simply replied. “The sooner I accept that, the better, I guess.”

“Or you could just show ‘em that you won’t take their crap,” Annaleigh suggested. Lance’s eyes widened, a light of amusement gleaming.

“Did you just curse?” he asked, a smile slowly coming to his face. He lifted a hand and pinched at her cheek. “Did Little Ace just curse?” Annaleigh wrinkled her nose as she wiped at her eyes, sniffing, trying not to smile. “Remind me not ta piss you off.”

“You already are,” Annaleigh said, practically stomping her foot and pouting. “I know you can be hard on yourself, but I also know that you can be so tough and push through things.” She grabbed his hand between both of hers, and rubbed the back of his hand in small circles. “You’ve always let me lean on you so I’m going to do that for you now. Just don’t hold it against me if you get too heavy sometimes.”

Lance smiled before letting out a sigh through his nose. “So, how do you think going to the gym is going to help?” he asked.

“Well, you’ve been veggin’ out for a while, you need to build that tone back,” Annaleigh said, patting his stomach. A serious look then crossed her face. “I’m going to teach you how to kickbox.” Lance blinked in surprise. “It’s a great stress reliever, trust me.”

She had only decided to take up kick boxing at her therapist’s suggestion at learning something that’ll help her get out her frustrations about Wade. It was also as a way to build confidence in knowing that she could defend herself if something were to happen.

It was the main reason why she had thought about bringing up the idea with Lance. It was one thing to read about people’s opinions and views on Lance, but she was really worried if someone would act out on their anger or fear. She just wanted him to be safe.

“Ok,” Lance said with a sigh, slapping his arms down too his sides.

“I…” Annaleigh blinked in surprise. “Ok?”

“Not like you’d take ‘no’ for an answer,” Lance replied.

“You know me too well,” Annaleigh said with a warm smile. “Trust me, Lance; you’ll be a lean, mean, fighting machine in no time.”

 

---

 

24 Hour Fitness

Lance watched, jaw slack just slightly as Annaleigh repeatedly drove her fists into the punching bag at the local gym. It swung slightly from side to side, the chains squeaking with each push and pull on the bag. She had her hands and wrists wrapped in bright green tape. He had tried to follow her when she showed him how to do it, but he couldn’t follow the pattern.

 Lance looked down at the white tape wrapped around his fingers before pulling his sweatshirt sleeves down over his hand, lifting the hood up over his head. He pulled at the drawstrings, tightening it around his face as he swept his gaze over the people in the room. There were a few men in the corner lifting some weights, occasionally glancing over at her.

Not that he could really blame them. She was a very beautiful girl, and you didn’t see a lot of them working out like that in the gym. He had to hold back a snort. Doubt they’ve seen any girl around here, anyway, he thought to himself. He didn’t go to the gym that often, and when he did, he never saw anything like this. And she expects me to do that?

He adjusted his sweatshirt, pulling it away from his chest. All he had really done was warm up on the treadmill, like Annaleigh had told him. He was still trying to catch his breath, and now he was burning up. He could see through all of the mirrors that he looked ridiculous, but he wasn’t risking being recognized. A whole bunch of people went to this particular gym.

“Alright,” Annaleigh said, giving the punching bag one last punch, a loud smack echoing around the room. Her chest heaved as she breathed heavily, swinging her arms around in a circle. “Your turn.”

“I don’t know about this,” Lance said as he got to his feet. His heartbeat sped up. Annaleigh ignored him as she reached for his sweatshirt sleeves, pushing them up.

“Taped correctly…good,” she said before smacking his arm. “I’m gonna warn you now, you’re going to be really sore tomorrow.” Lance shuffled his feet as she grabbed his arm, pulling him over towards the punching bag. She then reached towards the ground for a pair of white gloves, holding them towards him before moving to start putting them on his hands.

“These are bag gloves, they’ll help keep your hands protected. If you don’t wear ‘em, you’ll probably pop or dislocate a finger or two. We’ll just do some standard punches and kicks, nothing too hard. First things first, when you’re using the heavy bag, don’t try and do anything flashy, just find a natural rhythm and work to the best of your ability. You’re punching the bag, not pushing it…”

Lance occasionally nodded to what she was saying, listening as best as he possibly could, but he couldn’t really focus. He shook out his arms and legs before looking around the room again, his gaze stopping briefly on the two men in the room. They were whispering to each other, glanced in his direction for a moment before going back to what it was that they was doing.

“And remember to keep breathing, it helps with endurance…”

Lance reached into his shorts pocket when he felt his cell phone vibrate against his thigh. He lifted his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open, quickly opening the text from Jake.

Jake: I’ve been thinking about us. I have been for a while. I’m sorry. I love you, but I don’ think I’m in love with you anymore.

Lance felt his breath rush out of his mouth. Forget about breathing. He stared down at the text, reading it over and over again. Annaleigh was trying to get his attention, but he barely heard the words that came out of her mouth. His stomach clenched, an ache forming growing more and more intense by the second, sliding up into his chest.

A loud, “Fuck” shot out of Lance’s mouth seconds before he curled his free hand into a fist, shooting it forward to strike the punching bag. Annaleigh blinked as it jerked and rocked in front of her before she grabbed it.

“Good,” she said to him, blinking in surprise as she tried to steady the bag. He lifted his head to look over at her and she twisted her mouth to the side, spotting the look in his eyes. “That was good.” Lance put his hand to his forehead, his heart pounding in his chest. "You ok?" 

"Yeah," Lance gasped out, slowly breathing in and out through his nose. He swallowed thickly, closing his phone, holding it tightly in his hand.

-04-

Lance bowed his head, allowing the hot water from the shower to wash over him, warming him from the outside in. Tilting his head back, he sighed as the warm water slid down his spine, soothed the back of his legs, and puddle at his feet. White suds from the shampoo collected at his feet before twisting and turning down the loud, gargling drain. He raked his fingernails over his scalp, bringing the remnants of the shampoo in his hair into a lather.

His knuckles cracked, from the movement. He closed his eyes, sucking in a deep breath of air. The fruity scents filled his nose and his chest, soothing him. His muscles ached, but his heart hurt even more. The warm air around him wrapped him in the warmest embrace he had received in a long while. He closed his eyes, trying to hold onto that feeling; trying to remember the last time he really felt secure and comfortable.

“Don’t you think we’re a little old to be making forts in the living room?” Lance asked, nursing a cup of hot chocolate as he watched Jake scurry back and forth across the room. His arms were laden with blankets and pillows, which he threw onto the floor to start moving the furniture.”Do you want any help?”

“First; unless you want to have a picnic in the rain…” Jake trailed off, waving his hand towards the window. Lance glanced down at his mug of hot chocolate before looking out at the back windows, watching as the water slid over the glass. “And secondly; don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” He threw Lance a wink and Lance chuckled, stirring the small spoon in his mug. “It’s your birthday, after all.”

Lance moved to sit on the arm rest of the couch. He was twenty-six. It was weird of him to think about. He had called Chris “old man” and any other teasing jokes about his age when he first got into *NSYNC. Now he was the same age Chris was when they got their first record deal.

It was crazy to think about.

Between a breakfast in bed, and lunch in bed, Lance was having a great birthday. He had received many heartfelt gift and calls from friends and family that made him feel like the luckiest person on the Earth. Everyone around him made him happy, especially Jake…he just wished he could show people how happy he was with him.

He wanted to show people how happy he was with him. He had been juggling with the idea for a long while. With how many rumors had been going around more and more, and all the measures he took to be sure that he wasn’t seen in the public with Jake at the same time unless there was a huge group of people with them. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

He needed to make Jake happy for a change. It was like a birthday gift to himself in a way; Jake would finally have all of Lance and he could finally, truly, be happy in his relationship. “This really isn’t necessary,” he said to Jake as he watched the walls of the forts being made.

“Listen, old man,” Jake said, moving to sit back on his heels.

“This coming from the guy two years older than me,” Lance pointed out, hiking an eyebrow. Jake rolled his eyes.

“That’s right, you whippersnapper, now listen up,” Jake said with a short laugh, swinging his head to the side, to move his hair from his face. “Once you start getting achy joints, and become hard of hearing, you’ll start missing everything about your youth.” He paused, a thoughtful look crossing his face. “Oh, wait, I’m sorry…all those years touring in your band has progressed that for you.”

“Ha ha,” Lance said with a roll of his eyes. “You’re a riot.”

“Not as much as Joey though, right?” Jake asked. “Should I be jealous of your bromance or do I have nothing to worry about?”

“Definitely nothing to worry about,” Lance replied, waving his hand in the air. “You know he and Kelly are. He may be known to have a wandering eye, but he always keeps one on her.”

“That…actually sounds a little creepy,” Jake replied with a small laugh, getting back to work. “But, I’m glad they’ve been together this long; you can see that they’re really happy to be together. And Brianna is such a sweetheart.”

Lance smiled, much like he did whenever his goddaughter was mentioned or was around him. He loved spending time with Brianna even if her, and her family’s visits were few and far between. Knowing that with his lifestyle he had a handful of choices as to how to have kids, and yet needing to have someone who will stick by him for the rest of his life, was all worth it. He just needed to find that someone. In the mean time, he could test out his parenting skills with her.

And he was sure he found it in Jake.

“Alright, that should do it,” Jake said, crawling out from the fort in the center of the living room. “He clapped his hands together, giving Lance a wide, toothy smile. “Happy Birthday.” He placed his hands on Lance’ thighs, leaned forward, and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

Lance fluttered his eyes shut, leaning forward, pressing his lips harder against his boyfriends. Jake was the first to pull back, giving Lance a warm smile. “I have something to tell you,” Lance suddenly said. Jake’s eyes widened slightly and Lance let out a low chuckle. “No, no, nothing bad. It’s…kind of a gift to you.”

“It’s not my birthday, babe,” Jake replied with a bit of a startled laugh.

“I know, I know,” Lance replied, nodding his head repeatedly. He then fell silent, biting his bottom lip. He swished his hot chocolate around in his cup before tilting his head back, quickly draining the last of it. He smacked his lips, tapping his fingernail on the side of the ceramic mug. When he lifted his head to start talking, Jake pressed another quick kiss to his lips.

He licked the chocolate drink from his lips as he pulled back. “What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, reaching his hands up to cup Lance’s cheeks in his hands. “You’re scaring me.”

“I think…I’m ready…to come out,” Lance said quietly. He watched as Jake’s eyes narrowed slightly before widening, excitement and love evident in the pools of blue. A questioning look crossed his face and Lance let out a shaky breath, nodding his head.

“Really?” Jake asked quietly. Lance nodded his head faster and faster. He felt the corners of his lips twitching up into a smile. “Are you serious?”

“I think so,” Lance replied. “I mean…people have been guessing, and assuming…I’m tired of hiding. It’s not fair to you…to us.” He slowly let out a breath of air. “I just want you to be hap-“Jake roughly kissed him, “-py.”

“I love you, you idiot,” Jake said with a grin, before wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug.

“I love you, too.”

Lance reached for his 3-N-1 shampoo, conditioner, and body wash bottle—Ralph Lauren’s Polo Black and pulled off the cap with a loud pop. He squirted a large dollop of the green liquid into his hand before starting to slather it over his boy, massaging his sore shoulders, hips, and legs. He squinted down at his hand, watching as the droplets of water turned the liquid into suds.

He hummed to himself as he styled his hair up into a Mohawk, using the shampoo as a makeshift gel before rinsing it out, reaching for the knobs to turn off the water. He kept his head bowed, allowing the water to run off before grasping his hair between his hands, wringing as much water out as possible. He then pushed the door to the shower open, stepping out onto the place mat, shivering as a blast of cold air hit his body.

Goosebumps instantly popped up on his arms and legs. He bounced in place as he reached for the towel that sat on the closed toilet lid. He shook the towel out and wrapped it around his waist, securing the knot at his side before making his way out into his bedroom, stopping short when he saw Jake standing on his side of the room, changing out of his clothes from the morning.

“Oh,” involuntarily came out of his mouth. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jake replied, glancing over at him before going back to what he was doing. “You were in there for a while…getting worried you were trying to drown yourself or something.”

 He let out a small laugh; one that quickly died on his lips. He then did a double take, eyebrows narrowing slightly as he looked over at Lance.  “What happened to you?” He crossed the room over to Lance, inspecting him.

“Oh, punching bag,” Lance replied, moving away from Jake’s touch. Jake blinked, pulling his hand back.

“Were you using one or was something using you as one?” Jake asked quietly.

“Not physically, anyway,” Lance muttered, stepping around him to start to change himself. He was sure he saw Jake wince, but he wasn’t in any mood to care. Jake was the one who had broken up with him, after all. And through a text message.

“Lance—“

“What?” Lance asked, turning around to face Jake, crossing his arms over his chest. He pressed his lips together, trying to hold back the groan of pain from the movement. “What else do you have to say to me?”

“I’m sorry?” Jake said as more of a question. “I didn’t…things have just gotten so hard. I take full blame for not bringing up what I was feeling before.” He let out a deep breath of air. “I’m sorry, ok?” Lance let out a sigh, moving to sit down on the end of the bed. “I just couldn’t deal with your constant negativity anymore.”

Lance winced, squeezing an eye shut as the words came out of Jake’s mouth. He knew that he had worried constantly over what people were saying about him behind his back, and he could see Jake would get tired of the situation. But, he had always been there to pick him up when things got exceptionally hard for him. He always had a shoulder for him to cry on, and had plenty of words of advice for him.

Where did this all go wrong? Lance thought to himself, peering into Jake’s face. Jake’s eyes were filled with sadness and guilt. He could also see love in his eyes, but it didn’t warm him, or light a fire inside him, like it used to. A cold fire was lit in Lance’s chest, chilling him. Everything was perfect.

“I think…I’m ready…to come out,” Lance said quietly. He watched as Jake’s eyes narrowed slightly before widening, excitement and love evident in the pools of blue. A questioning look crossed his face and Lance let out a shaky breath, nodding his head.

Lance blinked, getting off of the bed. He crossed the room to his dresser and changed into a t-shirt and shorts. All the while, he could feel Jake’s gaze burning into his back. He couldn’t face him; this was all his fault. Everything had started going downhill with them when he had come out. Things were fine when they were keeping things secret.

Lance tugged at the bottom of his shirt, turning to scratch the back of his neck as he faced Jake, who was still watching him. “Look, let’s just get this all out in the open,” he said, slapping his hands down by his sides. “This all went to shit the minute I decided to come out.”

“That’s not true,” Jake replied, his eyebrows crinkling together. “Lance, I was proud of you when you decided to come out.”

“Yeah, because you’ve only been begging me to do it for so long,” Lance muttered, under his breath.

“Are you really going to hold that against me?” Jake asked, his eyebrows shooting up. “I just wanted you to be happy. I knew that you’d be happy if you could be yourself; if you could be the Lance that I see and love every day.”

Lance let out a loud snort. He couldn’t help it; just a few hours earlier he had said that he wasn’t in love with him. Jake must’ve heard the words that just came out of his mouth, and winced, his face scrunching up as if he had just sucked a lemon. Lance watched as Jake bowed his hand, wringing his hands together. He bowed his head, scratching at the hair on the back of his neck, letting out a noise of frustration.

“I didn’t want it to be like this,” he said quietly.

“Like what?” Lance asked. “Like it sucks?” His voice cracked. “Because it does suck, Jake. Did you think you would just get so frustrated you could get up and leave without my knowing or something?” Jake kept his gaze on the floor. Lance let out a sigh, moving to sit next to Jake on the end of their bed. Jake’s knuckles popped as he curled his fingers into a tight fist, shifting away from Lance just slightly. “Are you cheating on me?”

“What?” Jake asked, his head snapping up to look up at him. He blinked rapidly, head pulling back as if he was struck. “H-how could you…what would…why are you asking me that?” He slowly shook his head from side to side. “You should know me well enough by now to know that I’d never do anything like that to hurt you.”

Lance shook his head before putting his face into his hands. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He blinked rapidly, trying to hold them back, swallowing the lump in his throat. His nose burned slightly and he pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. “And telling me that you’re not in love with me doesn’t hurt?” Lance asked.

“N-no…I…” Jake trailed off for a moment. “I’m sorry, Lance. I know it’s been hard for you…I wish I could be there for you more. I just can’t be.” Lance was silent. “…I’ll be out…I’ll leave as soon as I find a new place.” Lance made a noise in the back of his throat. “I’m sorry, Lance.”

“Yeah,” Lance replied quietly. “I’m sorry, too.”

He was sorry he had even put so much into the relationship to begin with. After two bad relationships; one where the passion and romance just fizzled out, and another where he was cheated on, he was hesitant to start things with Jake. Right off the bat, he could see that things would be different; Jake had just made her completely comfortable with himself, and he promised to take things as slow as Lance needed them too, but he still had that hesitation, that nagging feeling that it wasn’t going to work out. If only he had listened to himself.

If only he had listened to himself and continued to not say anything about his sexuality. Being suddenly thrust back into the spotlight and having him and Jake become what people considered to be the “poster child” for the LGBT community was more than Lance could bear. He knew he wouldn’t just be pa gay man in a relationship, but he didn’t think it’d give him that many responsibilities right off the bat.

“I’ll…get going then,” Jake said quietly, getting to his feet. He stood next to Lance, pausing or a moment, just staring down at him before he made his way out of the room. Lance flopped down onto his back, staring up at the ceiling.

---

 

“Do you not like the food?”

Lance looked up from the label of the beer bottle in his hand before lifting it to his lips, shaking his head back and forth as he allowed the amber liquid to fill his mouth. He swallowed thickly, setting the bottle down onto the table before giving Annaleigh a pointed look.

“You haven’ touched any,” she said with a slight shrug of her shoulders. “Startin’ to think you didn’ like my cornbread or somethin’.”

“You know there’s no way I could hate your cooking,” Lance said to her before reaching for his fork, stabbing into the square of corn bread in front of him.

“Not unless you’re tryin’ that tofu thing again,” Darren commented, sticking out his tongue, wrinkling his nose in her direction. Annaleigh clicked her tongue before jabbing her fork in the air in his direction.

“That was jus’ one time,” she said with a brief roll of her eyes. “After bein’ sick for a week, I learned my lesson, trust me.”

“Well, I’m going to miss it when y’all are gone,” Lance said before sliding the forkful of corn bread into his mouth. His eyebrows lowered as he chewed. “How long are you off for anyway?”

“I asked JC and Justin to push back my time in the studio with ‘em for a little while,” Annaleigh replied with a shrug. “Don’ really know when they need me back in; they said they’d let me know. They was worried ‘bout you so…” She trailed off and Lance slowly nodded his head.

“Your Nana Ruth called for you while you were in the shower,” Darren added. He glanced over at Annaleigh who widened her eyes slightly. “She said she’ll call ya back tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” Lance replied before swallowing. He let out a sigh through his nose as he looked around the kitchen.

The place, while arguably big enough for two people, it felt daunting to know he’d eventually live in the house all by himself. Jake could essentially come and go as he pleased, the place was in his name, but it was their home.

“Why don’ you come home for a little while?” Darren asked. Lance opened his mouth to protest, but Darren kept going. “It sucks seein’ ya like this and we know your family didn’ take the news as best as they could, but if they want ya in your life, and if you want them in yours, y’all haveta meet each other halfway.”

“And before ya say that you can’t,” Annaleigh added, this time pointing her fork in his direction, “one of y’all have to. James, you’ve basically ran away from home the second you could. If ya can’t be yourself with them, you’re not ever goin’ ta live. They all miss you somethin’ fierce and you know it.”

 “I miss them, too,” Lance replied. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been home.

After *NSYNC had decided to break indefinitely, or split up; depending on how you looked at it, he had never returned to Clinton. He had bought his parents and his sister a new house, but stayed in Orlando for a while before moving to California.

He knew that while he wasn’t in *NSYNC he didn’t have to worry about potentially ruining their careers, but moving home and trying to keep this a secret would ruin his parents’ lives. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for them now. They would barely pick up the phone whenever he called and in turn he started doing the same thing.

As usual, he knew his friends were right; one of them had to make the first move to try and fix things. He had seen firsthand how things could go wrong if things just boiled over. Annaleigh’s parents could barely be in the same room with each other for five minutes without getting into an argument. If anyone knew what he was going through, it would be her. Although, having a parent who committed adultery, and refusing to pay child support, was considered mild in regards to two respected members of the Clinton community having a gay son.

On the other hand, family was the center of the community in Clinton. A strong supporting family basically kept your name out of gossip that spread around the town. Lance shuddered. Mom and dad were well respected before this, Lance thought to himself. And who knows how Stace is doing? Maybe I should just go and check on them? Maybe I could fix things?

Maybe this is all a joke; a gag just to get the paps off my back. Maybe I’m not really gay at all, Lance thought, putting a hand to his chin, his mind working in overtime. “That’s it.”

“What’s it?” Darren asked.

“Uh…I think I will go home for a little while,” Lance replied, reaching for his beer for a second time. “Knowing mom, it might be better if I reached out. I just want everything to go back to normal.”

“It will in time,” Darren reassured him. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. God’ll help you get through this.” Annaleigh nodded her head in agreement. “You just have to have faith.”

How can I have faith in anyone that teaches us that a man and woman are the ones who should be together? Lance thought to himself, lifting his steak off of his plate with both hands to take a large bit out of it.

“Now, I know you definitely have ta go home, James,” Annaleigh said, her nose wrinkling into a look of disgust. “You sure have lost your sense of manners.” She shook her head back and forth, making a tisking sound with her tongue.

“I’m twenty six, not six,” Lance said, making a point to chew loudly and with his mouth open. “Not like there’s much of a difference.” Darren chuckled as Annaleigh rolled her eyes. He spotted the smile of amusement on her face and gave her a toothy smile. Annaleigh rolled her eyes before she allowed herself to let out a laugh.

“Alright, let’s get some ice cream,” Darren said, slapping his hands down onto the table. “On me.”

“Naw, on me,” Lance said, putting a hand to his chest. “Y’all are my guests and I haven’t really been hospitable since you got here.” He looked over at Darren and then at Annaleigh. “I apologize for it; you’re the best friends a guy could ask for.”

“And don’ you forget it,” Annaleigh replied with a wide smile.

“You’re only sayin’ that because he’s offerin’ to pay for your ice cream,” Darren pointed out.

“For right now, yep,” Annaleigh replied, popping her ‘p’. She got to her feet, taking her plate in one hand, reaching for Lance’s with the other. Lance watched as she balanced his plate on her forearm, holding it in the grip of her elbow, before reaching for Darren’s plate with her free hand. “I’ll jus’ wrap these and we’ll be on our way. Let me jus’ get my purse.”

“Seriously, how did I live without you around?” Lance asked, running his hands over his face.

“That’s funny,” Annaleigh said as she let out a bark of laughter, arching an eyebrow in his direction, “I said that exact same thing when I first moved into the Compound.” She let out a low whistle. “Shoot, all y’all were a mess.”

“Yes, Lance, I wonder,” Darren said, blinking once, his words dripping with sarcasm as he swiveled his head to look at her. “How did you live without her all that time? No put downs, no insults…it must’ve been hard.”

“Boy, you better hush up,” Annaleigh said over her shoulder.

“It’s probably a good thing she’s left the forks and knives on the table,” Lance said as he glanced down at the silverware sitting on the table. Darren made a noise of agreement in the back of his throat. Lance hiked an eyebrow, looking back and forth between the two of them, but didn’t say anything. He watched as Annaleigh made her way out of the room before he tuned to face his friend, gently hitting him on the arm. “So, uh, how come—“

“How come nothing’s happened between Ace and I?” Darren finished for him and Lance nodded his head. “Because she’s been out livin’ her dream. I’ve always wanted to stay in Clinton and she’s always wanted ta leave. Why would I wanna take that away from her?”

“Because you like her?” Lance said as more of a question. Darren bobbed his head back and forth. “I guess I’m not too surprised you haven’t told her. You two have been going around in circles more time than a lasso.”

Darren chuckled, shaking his head from side to side. “It just hasn’ been the best timin’ that’s all,” he said with a shrug. “Jus’ gotta be patient; besides, she’s happy makin’ music. Long as she’s happy, so’m I.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Lance asked.

“Shoot,” Darren replied with a nod of his head.

“Um…” Lance trailed off, bowing his head to scratch the back of his neck. “How’d…you know you were…attracted to…uh, girls?”

Darren’s eyebrows shot up before a thoughtful look came to his face. He twisted his mouth to the side before stroking his stubble covered chin. “Same way you’ve always known you liked guys, I guess,” he replied. “I get nervous and kinda…I don’ know, giddy ‘round ‘girls. I like bein’ round ‘em, and I like their attention…a lot of reasons. Is that how it is with you an’ guys?”

“Yeah…” Lance replied quietly giving a brief nod of his head. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You ok?” Darren asked as a look of concern crossed his face. “I’m sorry Jake didn’ work out. It took a bit for me to convince him ta come home.”

Lance let out a snort. “If you could even find him,” he commented. He gave a shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, I have to hand it to the guy, when he gets into his work, he produces great stuff, but it’s hard to get his attention off of it when you need it.” He then let out a sigh. “I always admired that about him, actually.” He then shook his head. “Anyway, thanks for trying.”

“Sure,” Darren replied with a nod of his head, clapping his friend on the shoulder. “Anytime.”

“Alright, let me just get my wallet and keys,” Lance said, getting to his feet, pushing his chair back with the backs of his knees. He clapped Darren’s shoulder before making his way out of the room in a jog. He hurried up the stairs, through the hallway, and into his room.

Whistling to himself, Lance crossed his room to his side of the bed, pulling open the dresser drawer. He reached for his wallet, tucking it into his back pocket before grabbing his car keys, spinning the ring around his finger. He paused in pushing the drawer shut when he spotted his copy of the Bible sitting inside.

He glanced over his shoulder before picking it up, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Lane flipped open his Bible to the last page marked: Matthew 6:34. He pressed his lips together as he read over the scripture. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Lance slowly closed the book in his hand. He set the Bible aside and clasped his hands together, bowing his head. Please, God, I need a miracle. Please, help. Please help me make this easier. Please...help me to not be gay.

 

-05-

Clinton, Mississippi

Lance’s knee bounced up in down in quick precession. He slid his hand down his jeans and tightly gripped his knee cap, pushing down with the palm of his hand, trying to stop his leg from moving. He gnawed on his thumbnail, spitting out little bits of nail into his lap. With one lat bite, he removed his hand from his mouth and reached over to push up the shade covering the airplane.

The shadow of the plane slinked its way across the puffy white clouds before disappearing from view as they slowly started their descent into Mississippi. It didn’t look like it had changed from above; he sure as hell could bet the city itself hadn’t changed, either. It was why he tried to avoid it as much as possible.

But, at times like this, home is the only place he wanted to be. Despite knowing how religious the city was, it was still his home. He still felt somewhat of a sense of security whenever he was there. Then again, that was all before he came out. He knew what people of Clinton felt about homosexuals, he knew how much change, and anything that wasn’t “normal” worried them.

He could chalk it up to their beliefs and how they were raised, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. He didn’t think he would stop hurting; if it wasn’t one thing it was another. He was heartbroken, he was scared,  and despite everyone being around him, he felt like he was alone.

“Nervous?” Darren asked.

Lance turned away from the window and made a grunting sound in the back of his throat. “What if they  don’t even want to see me?” he asked.

“Your parents are always happy ta have ya and Stacey home, ya know that,” Darren replied. “And I’ve never seen ya so…tweaked about goin’ home.” Lance’s lips twitched. “I get why, but…maybe in the time you’ve been away they’ve grown to accept it? And accept you? They haven’t seen ya for months.”

“And they barely pick up the phone whenever I call,” Lance replied. He practically punched his thigh to get his knee to stop bouncing.

“That goes both ways,” Darren pointed out.

Only because they don’t want to acknowledge my other life, Lance thought to himself. He crossed his arms over his chest. Face it, Lance, it’s not like you really open up to them about it. It’s not like they want to listen to you about it, either.

“Ok, look,” Darren said, elbowing Lance in the side. Lance turned to look at his friend. “As God as my witness—and I’ll make sure he pays attention—I’m goin’ ta  get you back ta your old self.” Lance opened his mouth to protest, but Darren pointed a warning finger in his face. “And you know Ace will help me with that, too.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing,” Lance said with a small laugh.

“Definitely a bad thing,” Darren agreed, laughing as well. He scratched at the stubble on his chin. “She’ll be flyin’ home in a couple of days. She told JC she’d go into tha studio for a little bit while she was out there; see if there was anythin’ she could work on while at home. Plus, she needed to return the rental car, anyway.”

“Yeah, she told me,” Lance replied.

“Of course she did,” Darren said with a half smile. Lance smiled as well.

Silence fell over the two of them as the plane bumped onto the runway, shaking and rocking slightly. Applause travelled up the cabin and Lance clapped halfheartedly long with the rest of the passengers on the flight.

“Your parents aren’ too happy with her, either, you know,” Darren said as he reached for his seat belt. He curled his fingers underneath the flattened part of the seat belt and pulled it, releasing it from around his waist as Lance gave him a look of confusion and alarm. “She’s known for longer than practically anybody and never told ‘em. Plus, let’s not forget the time you two ‘dated’ just so no one else would figure it out. Wouldn’ surprise me if Miss Diane had been planning your weddin’ or somethin’.”

Lance gave a sheepish grin before running a hand over his face. “So that wasn’t one of my best ideas,” he admitted  with a shrug. “It’s not like I was really lying. I mean…people already thought we were dating anyway.”

He could easily think back to all of the headlines, tabloids, and online gossip columns that came around the second people had gotten wind that Annaleigh was hanging around with the band. One trip to Disney World, and many fans instantly jumped on the bandwagon trying to find out as much about her as possible.

One minute he was hanging out with his best-friends, and the next, they were surrounded by screaming and giggling girls. Cameras flashed in his face, pads of paper and pens were shoved into his hands, and he was pulled and pushed in many different directions. Despite all of that, he kept the smile on his face and joke around, just like the other boys, but it quickly became overwhelming. All the screams made his ears ring, and it seemed like the crowd would never disappear.

And all the while, Annaleigh stood off to the side, looking amused, startled, and curious about what was going on around her. That was when someone had come up to her asking who she was, to which she promptly replied that she was, “No one” to which he instantly replied that she was his best friend from home and that she was part of the *NSYNC band.

And everything blew up from there.

Dating rumors (Justin and Lance), mean comments, speculation about anything and everything under the sun, and people prying into not only her life, but their lives more than he had ever noticed before. Only because it wasn’t about him and his friends, who already had years of experience with their fans, someone he cared about was suddenly thrust into their world and barely even had a week to prepare for it.

 “Y’all were pretty convincin’ I’ll give ya that,” Darren commented, an amused smile coming to his lips. “Sure had everyone at home talkin’ ‘bout y’all for a while.”

“It was weird, D,” Lance said with a sigh. He watched as others sitting in coach with them got their feet, opening the overhead compartment to retrieve their carryon bags. They started to form a line, impatient to get off the plane. “Don’t get me wrong, it was fun, too; this is Ace we’re talking about. It’s not that I wasn’t attracted to her—not physically anyway. I mean, you and I both know that Annaleigh is really beautiful, but it was weird.”

“Weird because you’ve known her for so long?” Darren asked, a curious look crossing his face. “I mean, apart from the fact that you’re…” He trailed off, looking at everyone around them before lowering his voice. “You know.”

“Weird because…I don’t really know?” he said as more of a question. He was silent for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip. “It didn’t feel right. I knew I was using her, and at the time, she was looking for anyone to give her the attention she wanted and tell her what she wanted to hear,” Lance replied. “Of course, that was because you weren’t there.” He gave Darren a half, teasing, smile.

“Don’ even,” Darren said, putting a hand into the air.

“I just don’t get why you two have known each other for, oh…an eternity, and during all that time, you two haven’t done anything about it,” Lance replied, resting his elbow on the armrest to his seat, angling his head in his friend’s direction.

“Its jus’ been bad timing,” Darren replied with a roll of his eyes. Lance nodded his head, giving Darren a pointed look. “There’s no mystery to it.” A thoughtful look crossed his face. “Although, I am curious about one thing.”

“Ask away,” Lance replied, waving his hand in the air. “All those years listening to y’all talk about each other…” He trailed off, waiting for Darren to ask his question.

“It’s not about Ace.” Lance blinked, but nodded his head. “So…all those years we’ve been friends…you’ve known the whole time? Since you were five, you said?” Lance nodded his head. “And you haven’…well…”

Lance watched as Darren cleared his throat, his face turning a bright red. “Did I ever like you?” he asked quietly. Darren briefly made a face, but nodded his head. Lance laughed. “God, no.” He laughed harder when an offended look crossed Darren’s face. “It’s nothing personal, you’re just not my type. Like I’d ever stand a chance against Ace, anyway.” His smile widened.  “You’re not actually mad about that!”

“I’m just…curious,” Darren replied, moving to get out of his seat, reaching up for his bag. “That’s all.”

“Uh huh,” Lance replied, rolling his eyes, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Sure.” Darren lowered a hand, giving Lance the finger and he let out a loud laugh.

He stretched his arms over his head before sliding out of the small space between his seat and the row in front of his. He  reached up for his backpack and grabbed the strap, pulling it out of the overhead compartment before sliding his arm through the strap.

“Let’s go,” Lance said, gently shoving Darren’s shoulder. “I can smell mom’s cornbread from here.”

“Are they goin’ to be home when you get there?” Darren asked.

“Not for a couple of hours,” Lance replied, glancing at his watch. “They have to work late today.” A stab of guilt pierced through him just like it did when he read his dad’s response to his e-mail. He couldn’t help wondering, do they really have to work late or are they trying to prolong the inevitable? And just like when he read that e-mail, his stomach twisted into a knot of worry and guilt, making him feel sick. “And I need to get something in my stomach.”

“Don’ rush me; I’m movin’ as fast as this line will allow me to,” Darren replied, adjusting the strap to his bag on his shoulder. “Besides, it might be better ta have everybody rushin’ ta baggage claim, get their stuff, and leave before we get there.”

It’s not like you’re really in a rush to get back into town, Lance thought to himself, crossing his arms over his chest. He let out a sigh through his nose, tapping his foot on the floor of the plane as he waited. As he slowly shuffled behind Darren, slowly making their way off the plane, the knot in his stomach grew.

He took in slow, deep breaths through his nose, and out through his mouth, trying to squash the feeling in his stomach. He rubbed at his stomach through his shirt, trying to massage away the bubbles building and popping. He swallowed repeatedly as they made their way off the plane, joining the large crowd of flyers.

He suddenly felt warm all over, and folded in on himself, adjusting his grip on his backpack strap. He felt like everybody was looking at him, scrutinizing him, doing double takes. He mumbled apologies as he slipped past people rushing in the opposite direction, keeping his head angled down towards the floor.

How many people could recognize him after a quick glance? Were they talking about him? Whispering? Pointing? Did they all know he was going to be flying in? Paparazzi and news outlets online were pretty (scarily) good at finding out details of where he’s going and what he’s doing before he even knew it himself.

“This isn’ like you,” Darren suddenly said, stepping onto the moving step of the escalator, turning his head to look back at Lance. Lance reached out his hands, placing them on the moving black strips, allowing them to carry him forward before swinging his feet onto the moving step. A smile came to his face.

“Go video tape the escalators, its cool.”

Justin let out a loud, sugar induce, laugh as he pointed a finger in Lance’s direction.”Yo, we just got you saying that on camera,” he said, doubling over to slap his knee. “Everybody’s going to know how big of a dork you are.”

Lance just smiled, shrugging his shoulders as Joey turned his video camera onto him. “The escalator’s cool, ya gotta come see it,” he said to his friend. He turned on his heels, leading the way up to the small set of stairs to take him towards the escalator.

“Show us this awesome escalator, Lance,” Joey prompted.

“Check it out, look it,” Lance said, pointing towards the escalator with the empty pixy stix wrapper in his hand. “It’s a new one, too.”

“Oooooh,” Joey said, wiggling the video camera in his hand towards the moving stairs.

“That seems like a lifetime ago,” Lance said to himself. He blinked when Darren waved a hand in his face. Lance lifted his head, letting out a sigh. “I’ve always cared about what people thought about me, you know that.”

“I think the problem here is what you think ‘bout yourself, and you don’ really think highly of yourself right now,” Darren replied as they slowly made their way down to the main floor. “You didn’ think highly of yourself with your dancing in *NSYNC either, but you’re way better than when you firs’ started.” He twisted his mouth to the side in a small smile. “And everyone loves you for puttin’ yourself out there to be in the band.”

“Not everybody,” Lance pointed out.

“Lance,” Darren said, tilting his head back in a groan.

“I can’t feel good about being with someone if I can’t feel good about myself,” Lance protested, his eyebrows shooting up.

“That’s understandable,” Darren replied with a slow nod of his head. “But, relationships take time, patience and communication. That was your problem.”

“I’m sorry, who’s tellin’ who about communication and relationships?” Lance asked, hiking an eyebrow in his best friend’s direction.

“Ha, freakin’, ha,” Darren said in a low drawl, hiking his eyebrows as well. He stepped off the escalator and made his way over to rotating track, looking for his bag.

“I’ve been waiting, what...like…ten years now for somethin’ to happen between you two?” Lance said, reaching for the handle of his bag as it slid past. He quickly looped it on his wrist and started walking backwards, pulling his heavy bag off of the track. “And I get the whole bad timing thing, but that’s a long time to blatantly ignore your feelings for someone. You know you have my blessing. I just want to be your best man at the wedding.”

“So if you weren’…you know, would you ever consider dating Ace?” Darren changed the subject with a grunt as he pulled his bag off the belt. Lance wrinkled his nose as he slid the strap to his own bag over his shoulder. “I take it that’s a ‘no’.”

“She’s like my little sister,” Lance replied with a shake of his head. The two of them made their way to the exit of the airport. “No way.”

Darren clicked his tongue. “Used ta say the same thing,” he pointed out, his eyebrows twitching upwards. “You see how that worked out.”

“The both of you were just in denial,” Lance replied with a shrug of his shoulders. Darren chuckled. “So, how’s work going? I know I haven’t checked in a while. But, are you still looking into that job in Hattiesburg?”

“Still haven’ heard back from them yet, but I’m holdin’ out hope,” Darren replied with a nod of his head, a smile of excitement coming to his face. “I’d be the choir director there. But, I love the youth group kids here, too. We’ve got a really talented bunch this year.” He elbowed Lance in the side. “Mind comin’ in for a few classes? Answer some questions, help me out?”

“Don’t know how much help I’ll be considering I haven’t done anything like that in a few years,” Lance reminded him. He let out a short laugh as they stepped through the doors of the airport, crossing the parking lot to reach a shuttle to take them to Darren’s car. “Even then, I could barely remember dance steps two minutes after I learned them.”

“You can still sing,” Darren pointed out to him.

“True,” Lance replied with a sigh. He lifted his fist and punched Darren’s shoulder. “Sure, I’d be happy to help out. God knows you need it.”

“Ouch,” Darren said, shoving him back. Lance stumbled slightly, tripping over his own feet. He grabbed onto the pole beside him to stop himself from falling, bumping into the person behind him.

“Sorry,” Lance said, turning to give the man an apologetic smile.

“It’s ok,” the man replied, tugging at his shirt collar. He cleared his throat, turning to look out the window.

“Sorry,” Darren said with a half smile. His eyes shifted to the man over Lance’s shoulder, before fixating back on him. “You ok?” His smile faded as his eyes narrowed slightly. “You’re lookin’ a little pale.”

“Just hungry, and tired,” Lance replied, giving Darren a reassuring smile. “And nervous.” Not that that’s too surprising. He sucked in a deep breath of air, letting it out, trying to slow his rapidly beating heart. “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, that’s all.”

Darren made a humming noise in the back of his throat, slowly nodding his head. “Well, let’s get ya home before ya pass out or somethin’,” Darren said, the look of worry staying on his face for a moment before clearing. The shuttle came to a stop and the doors hissed as they swung open.

The two friends grabbed their bags and made their way off the shuttle, making their way across the gravelly asphalt. Lance let out a sigh, suddenly feeling even more exhausted then he ever felt after a tour.  Must be jet lag, he thought to himself, holding back a sigh.

A series of beeps hit the air as Darren pointed the remote to his car keys ahead of him. Lance watched as tail lights to his gray Kia Sorrento, blinked before Darren unlocked the trunk of the car, lifting the rear door.

“I’ll get the bags,” Lance said to his friend.

“You sure?” Darren asked, moving to get into the driver’s seat.

“Dude, I just want to get out of here as fast as possible,” Lance replied with a tired smile. Darren shrugged before unlocking and popping open the driver’s seat door. Lance lifted their combined four bags into the back of the car before reaching up to grasp the handle on the inside of the door to slam it shut.

As he turned, he heard a voice shout, “Hey, faggot” seconds before a fist collided with his face. Stars burst in front of his eyes as he stumbled on the rocky ground. A low groan slid past his lips before he was shoved to the ground. Lance blinked open his eyes to see the man who was on the shuttle, hovering over him, pulling his fist back into a punch. Lance threw up his arms to shield himself.

“Get off!” he shouted.

“You’re sick!” the man snapped, spittle hitting Lance’s arms. “What you’re doing is against God’s will.” Lance kicked his legs, catching the man in the side. “It’s wrong. It’s a sin.”

“Get off me!” Lance cried. He could feel skin beneath his fingers, beneath his finger nails. He could feel something warm and wet slide down his face seconds after receiving an elbow to his face.

“You’ll burn in hell for what you’re doing.”

“Hey! Get off him. Get out of here.”

Lance felt something heavy collide into his side before the weight on top of him lifted. Lance wrapped one arm around his stomach, his free hand going to his face as he let out a loud groan of pain. Removing his hand, he squinted through his swelling eye and saw his fingers coated a bright red. His head throbbed with pain, his nose ached, his chest burned.

“Lance, you ok?” Lance felt Darren grab his arm, hauling him to his feet.

“I think so,” Lance replied, his moth filling with spit. It felt like he was talking around rocks. He felt his lip split, he tasted the metallic blood. He used his arm to wipe at his mouth, a streak of red appearing on his forearm. “I didn’t even hear him coming.”

“I know who you are!” the man shouted, walking away. “You’re sick, Lance Bass. Sick!”

Lance felt his heart skip a beat, suddenly feeling cold all over. His lips parted as he looked over at Darren. “Wha—“

“I think he’s been followin’ us since we got off tha plane,” Darren muttered, wiping his hands on his shirt. “He was talkin’ ‘bout Ace. I think he thought she is a guy.” He put his hands on his hips. “Given the nickname…” He trailed off, shooting Lance an uncomfortable look. Lance turned his head away.

“How’d you…?” Lance waved a hand in the air, breathing heavily before moving to scratch the back of his head.

“I threw his weight around,” Darren replied in a monotone. “And mine.” He gave a fleeting smile, indicating his husky frame. Lance let out a short chuckle. “We should report this.”

“No,” Lance replied, shaking his head. Darren looked at him as if he was crazy. Lance quickly figured he must be. “You know how people are here. What makes you think the police would want to help someone like me?”

“Because you’re a person who has rights and you got jumped,” Darren replied before putting his hands up defensively. “Its fine; if you don’ want to go, I won’ push it. Let’s just get you cleaned up before you bleed everywhere.” Darren popped open the trunk of the car and unzipped his bag, rooting around until he pulled out a t-shirt, tossing it to his friend. “Here, put this on your face.”

“Thanks,” Lance said, pressing the cloth to his face, wincing as he did so. He carefully shuffled around the car to the passenger seat and climbed in, his face contorting with pain as he did so.

The drive to the Bass home was filled with silence. Lance kept his mouth tightly shut, swallowing the blood and spit that collected in his mouth. The t-shirt in his hand had blood splotches all over it. His heart pounded in his chest and he clenched and unclenched his free hand into a fist.

“Thanks for the ride,” Lance barely managed to get out, trying hard not to move his lips too many times. He pushed the door open, being careful to not hit his red ford f150, slowly climbing down to the driveway before running his hand over the side of his truck. “Hey, Harry.”

“You named your truck Harry?” Darren asked over the loud slam of the driver’s side door.

“Short for Harrison,” Lance replied.

“Harrison?” Darren said, rounding the front of the car, his eyes shooting up. “Oh, I get it, Harrison the Ford. Harrison Ford. Clever.” Lance gave a half smile. “So, when are we going to take it out on that road trip? We’ve been meaning to do it for years.”

He had bought the truck one of the last times he was in Clinton, wanting to drive it out to California. He didn’t want to have to rely on Jake to drive him around anywhere, nor did he want to pay for a new car or use a rental for months on end. But, the truck had never left his driveway when he moved.

Everything had happened so quickly, he hadn’t had the opportunity to take it. And while his, and Darren’s, and Annaleigh’s lives grew more and more packed with responsibility and work, they all agreed they’d drive it out to California together as a chance to bond and spend time together like they used to.

“We will,” Darren reassured him. “Come on, Lance, let’s get you cleaned up before your parents get home.”

Lance reached into his jeans pocket for his keys, stepping past Darren, up to the porch of his childhood home, and unlocked the door, stepping inside. He immediately made his way into the kitchen, tossing his t-shirt onto the counter, making his way over to the sink. He turned on the faucet, leaving a spot of blood on the handle and started washing his hands.

The water was tinged a light reddish-brown as the blood slid off his hands. Lance cupped the water in his hands, peering down at his shimmering reflection before sliding the water over his face. The cold water robbed him of his breath as it dripped down his chin, soaking the collar of his shirt. He could hear Darren shifting through the ice in the freezer.

“You were caught with your pants down, Lance,” he said after a long moment of silence. “It’s not like you asked for this to happen.”

“Didn’t I?” Lance asked with an odd laugh, dropping the water that was in his hands with a loud splash. He reached for the roll of paper towel and ripped two sheets off. He wiped the blood from the faucet and turned off the water before dabbing at his face. “He’s just one person who’s not hiding behind a computer screen.” Darren held the ice pack out to him and Lance gave him a nod of thanks, putting it to his face. “Why can’t people just forget about this? I mean, these people don’t even know me; how could they judge me?”

“Because they don’t understand! It’s easy to say whatever you want sitting behind a computer, but I doubt they’d say it to your face.” Lance removed the ice pack from his eye and gave Darren a pointed look before indicated his bruised and bloody face. “At least until today.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Lance asked quietly.

Darren gave a half smile. “Fight back,” he replied quietly. “Teach them how it’s ok to be ok, how you’re ok. How you’re happy, and how you didn’t choose this, that it’s who you are and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You need to fight back.”

Lance pressed the bag of ice back to his eye, a thoughtful look crossing his face. A moment later, his lips slowly curled upwards into a smile before it disappeared in a wince, blood slowly pooling in the split in his lip. “Ow.”

“What’s the smile for?” Darren asked.

“You’re right,” Lance replied. “I can’t just sit around being grumpy and depressed all the time. I’m not going to give a second thought about what people have to say about me.” Darren gave him a curious look. “Because, I’m not going to be gay anymore.”

“Excuse me?” Darren asked, giving a startled blink.

“You heard me,” Lance replied. “I’m not going to be gay anymore. God hasn’t helped me with this, despite my constant asking, so I’m going to take matters into my own hands.”

“But—“

“It’ll make everything easier,” Lance said, interrupting his friend. “Everyone will be happy; things will go back to normal.”

“And this is really what you want?” Darren asked after a moment of silence.

“…Yes.”

Darren let out a heavy sigh, running his hands over his face. “Then who am I to stop you?” he asked. “I just want you to be happy. If that means doing this…then so be it.”

“Thanks, D,” Lance replied.

“I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

 

---

Los Angeles, California

But if you play with fire then you’ll get burned
When will you learn?
Now it’s your turn
Remember all the lies you sold me
Made me feel so sad and lonely
Now your fairytale’s unfolding
Nothing left to say
Cause I loved you all the way
Until Yesterday
Ohhhhh until yesterday

Annaleigh finger plucked each string of the bass guitar in her hands, bobbing her head to the beat of the song to keep herself in time. JC’s voice crooned the words to the song into her ears through the large headphones that covered her ears.

The guitar came in with a solo, and Annaleigh’s eyes shifted through the sheet music in front of her, playing a little bit of a solo beneath the guitar. She moved through the chorus two more times, singing soft notes in the background when it called for her higher tone to fill the chords JC had previously recorded until the end of the song where she played the last chord, allowing it to ring until she silenced it with her hand.

“So what do ya think?” she asked into the microphone, turning her eyes towards the large glass wall. JC was sitting at the sound board, arms sliding back and forth as he pressed a few buttons, and twisted knobs.

“The solo was a bit off,” JC replied, putting his hand flat into the air, tilting it back and forth. “But, you were just sight reading it, so…” He gave her a bright smile. “It was good, but what did you think?”

“Uhhhh,” Annaleigh stalled, removing the headphones from around her ears, allowing them to hang from her neck.

“That bad, huh?” JC asked, his smile fading slightly.

“Not bad,” Annaleigh replied, pointing a green finger nail covered finger in his direction. “Jus’…different. More different than Schizophrenic, but that was different too. In a good way.”

“Mmhmmm,” JC replied, hiking an eyebrow.

Annaleigh clicked her tongue. “Shoot, that’s my move,” she commented. “Jus’ two questions.” JC waved his hand in the air. “Do you really want that ‘daddy’ line in there?”

“Yes,” JC replied simply, nodding his head. “Yes, I do. Second question?”

“Well, now I already know your answer, but, do ya really want this ta be staccato in the chorus?” Annaleigh asked. “It’s easy ta play an’ everythin’, but playin’ it live might be a little…boring.” JC’s eyebrows shot up, but he didn’t say anything. She shrugged her shoulders. “You asked.”

“Actually you did,” JC replied with a half smile. “But, thanks for your honesty. No one else would be as blunt as you…even if I didn’t ask for it.”

Annaleigh chuckled. “Ya seem ta really be pushin’ the envelope with this album,” she commented, putting the headphones back up over her ears. “Way more than Schizo.” She pressed her lips together for a moment. “Sorry it didn’ do as well as you hoped.”

“Yeah, well, no one can predict these kinds of things,” JC replied. He was quiet for a moment before adding. “Or Super Bowl half-time shows.” Annaleigh made a noise in the back of her throat.

The whole scandal with Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson had the whole world talking. The action made JC lose his spot as a performer at the Pro Bowl two years prior. Justin had apologized to him, and the world, for it, but the damage was done. The wardrobe malfunction was too risqué, and JC’s single Some Girls (Dance With Women) was considered to be too sexy at the time to be performed.

“I’m sorry, too,” JC replied with a sigh. “I don’t hold a grudge against him. It was an accident, and our friendship…our brotherhood goes way too back and is too important to me to fall apart over one mistake.”

“You know what they say, even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then,” Annaleigh replied with a shrug of her shoulders. JC gave her a confused look and she rolled her eyes. “I’ve been friends with ya for a while now, and ya still haven’t picked up on my sayings? Context clues, C, context clues.”

“Are you going to tell me or not?” JC asked, putting his chin in his palm.

“You’ll get lucky,” Annaleigh explained. “You were born to make music or jus’ be a part of it in some way, shape, or form. Your talent shows and everyone will see it with this album.” She tilted her head to the side, using her thumb to lift the strap of the bass guitar off her shoulder, readjusting its position. “You have all the *NSYNC fans out there who’ll continue to support you, and you’ll make new fans along the way. Jus’ remember, Schizo made it up to 17 on the US Billboard 200 and this’ll do better.”

JC gave her a wide smile. “Alright, let’s go through it again,” he said, pressing a few more buttons. The music started playing again.

“I’ll fix the solo this time,” Annaleigh said, gripping the neck of her guitar. She tapped her foot on the floor as the music started, only to blink in surprise when the music suddenly stopped. “Uh—“  

“You can’t fix him, Ace,” JC suddenly said. He lifted his hand, waving her out of the booth. Annaleigh gave him a confused look, setting down her bass, removing the headphones from around her ears. She stepped over to the door, pulling it open.

“What?” she asked.

“You can’t fix Lance,” JC repeated. “Because there’s nothing about him to fix.”

“I’m…I’m not trying to fix him,” Annaleigh said with an odd laugh, crossing her arms over her chest. She jutted out her hip, tilting her head to the side.

“No, you’re just trying to fix his problem for him,” JC replied. “Not that being gay is a problem.” He then leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why can’t you let him figure this out for himself?”

“You haven’t seen him lately, Josh,” Annaleigh protested, moving to sit in the seat next to him. She pulled her knee to her chest. “It’s hard for him. He’s not the same…it’s like he really hates himself.”

“Maybe he does,” JC said quietly. He put his hand up defensively when Annaleigh shot him a glare. “I’m not saying that it’s a good thing. Look, I care about Lance, you know I do, but he has to figure this out for himself. You can’t fix all his problems.”

“I’m not trying to fix all his problems,” Annaleigh protested. “I’m trying to make him happy again.” She then said in a quieter voice, almost pouting. “I want my Lance back.”

“I hate seeing him like this as much as you do,” JC said. “And I may not be around him all of the time, but I know you. Whether you realize it or not, I know you like trying to help people fix their problems because you hate seeing people sad or upset.” A muscle twitched in his jaw. “If you ask me, I think it’s because you want to make up for not being able to fix your parents’ marriage.”

Annaleigh stayed silent, looking around the studio. The walls were a bright red, but lined with album after album and poster after poster. A couple of posters of the MTV VMA Moonman, and logo. A couple of paintings lined the walls in between the bookshelves. A couch and a chair sat in the corner of the room, the shelves lined with pictures of *NSYNC (groups and solos) and a picture of his album cover.

“Lance will be ok,” JC said to break the silence. “He can overcome anything; I’ve seen him do it.”

“Josh—“

“Did you know that when we were signed to BMG Ariola Munich, the record company didn’t want Lance?” JC asked her. Annaleigh blinked in surprise, slowly lowering her foot to the ground. “No one told you?” Annaleigh slowly shook her head back and forth. “They didn’t want him because of his dancing, but we weren’t going to drop him. We stood by him and supported him and helped him whenever he asked. But, that’s it…we waited until he asked.”

“This is different, JC,” Annaleigh protested.

“In some ways, yes,” JC agreed, slowly nodding his head. “And I’m not around him all of the time, so I really can’t say too much about what he’s going through.”

“You didn’t say much when he came out either,” Annaleigh replied. JC twisted his mouth to the side, scratching at the back of his neck. Annaleigh’s shoulders slumped as she let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, C, I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s ok,” JC replied. “You’re not the only one who’s said that to me. I mean…Chris and I were the only two *NSYNC members who didn’t publically say anything.” He ran a hand over his face and into his hair. “But, I did reach out to him and I did give him my support. And I plan on supporting him for the rest of his life, just like I plan on supporting Chris, Justin, and Joey for the rest of their lives. I’ll do anything I can to help them, but like I said, only if they ask.”

“You’re the type who likes to help people that don’t know how to help themselves. And I commend you for it; in fact I’m impressed by it. I know it’s hard and it seems impossible to help someone who is that far deep in pain, sadness, and fear, but it’s hard to help someone who doesn’t want the help or doesn’t realize they need it. Right now, I think Lance needs to figure out what he needs, what he wants. Just be there for him, like you always are. He’ll come around.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Annaleigh said with a heavy sigh.

“Be his friend,” JC replied. “Don’t give up on him. I know I won’t. I haven’t before.” He gave a soft smile, which she returned.

“Thanks, Josh,” Annaleigh replied, reaching out a hand to squeeze his knee.

“You’re welcome,” JC replied. “Now, let’s work on that song of yours. Have you gotten anymore work done on it?”

“Yeah, it’s…actually it’s turned into a song about Lance,” Annaleigh replied, getting out of her seat to grab her bag.

“Why am I not surprised?” JC asked with an amused smile.

 

-06-

“Oh, Lance. You look terrible.”

Lance let out a sigh through his nose as his mother, Diane Bass, repeated those words for the umpteenth time, the look of worry etched into her face as it had been since her and her husband, James Bass, had returned home to find him trying to reduce the swelling of his face with a steak while Darren tried to scrub the dripping blood out of the carpets and off the floors as well as he possibly could.

“You’ve said that already, mom,” he managed to get around Diane constantly dabbing at his face, removing the dirt and blood.

“I just don’t understand who would do this to you,” Diane said, removing the wad of paper towel from Lance’s face. He grimaced, seeing how red the white paper towel used to be.

“Someone who doesn’t want to accept him,” James replied quietly. He had his hands resting on the kitchen table, face angled towards the floor. He slowly shook his head back and forth before curling his fingers into fists, smacking the table with them. “We’re lucky Darren was there to help you.”

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat, sir,” Darren replied, from where he was leaning up against the doorway to the kitchen. He looked exhausted. “I hate to leave suddenly but—“

“No, no, dear, we understand,” Diane said, instantly turning towards him. She reached a hand up to cup his cheek, giving him a warm smile, which he returned. “We appreciate you helpin’ Lance. You’ve always been such a great friend.”

Lance pulled the corners of his lips back into a tight smile. Anything else and he was sure he would’ve split his lip again. He knew that Lance would never be where he was in life if he had never met Darren. In a way, he owed everything to his friend and he couldn’t thank him enough for it. He was always sure to keep him grounded during the height of *NSYNC fame and to let him know if he was changing for the worse.

“It’s no problem, Miss Diane,” Darren replied.

“You have a bit of a drive, let me get you something to take with you to eat,” Diane continued. “Are you thirsty?” Before he could answer, she turned towards her husband, waving her hand in the air. “James, I think we have some left over pound cake in the basement fridge.”

“I appreciate the offer, Miss Diane, but I’m goin’ ‘a have ta pass,” Darren replied, his face turning bright pink. He stepped forward to give her a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. “It was great t ta see ya again, I jus’ wish it was under better circumstances.”

“So do we, son,” James replied, taking his hand, shaking it vigorously. “So do we. But, I thank ya kindly for always bein' there for my boy.”

“Yeah, thanks, man,” Lance said, managing a nod of his head. He slowly got to his feet and clapped his hand into Darren’s, giving him a man hug. “I’ll see you down in Jackson.”

“Take your time, there’s no rush,” Darren replied. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but shifted his eyes towards Lance’s parents and pressed his lips together, giving a brief shake of his head. His eyes held a look of worry, but also confidence, and loyalty. He lifted his hand in a wave. “I’ll see y’a later.”

Lance stretched his arms up over his head, his eyebrows, lips, nose, and scrunching up, seeming to all slide into the center of his face as the sore muscles in his arms stretched and moved underneath his skin. He tapped the wooden frame leading into the kitchen and got a good look at his parents, probably the first time he had ever really looked at them.

They looked worried and tired and sad and scared and…just done. They looked like they were tired of the whole situation and he couldn’t blame them. Here he was living on his own, states away trying to live his own life and they got the brunt of anything and everything he did. And it wasn’t fair.

“I’m sorry,” he said before he even realized that he had said a word.

“Oh, honey, for what?” Diane asked as she lifted a hand to toss the crumpled up ball of paper towel into the trash can.

“For all of this,” Lance replied, using one hand to indicate his face before waving a hand in a giant circle in the air. “I didn’t…”

“What is it, Lance?” James asked, slowly lowering himself into a chair at the head of the kitchen table. He folded his hands down onto the table. “We’re all ears.”

Just let it out, Lance, Lane coached himself. You’ll be able to work everything out for them in no time. Things will go back to normal. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you, and I’m sorry I’ve been causing you so much trouble, and I’m sorry if you think you’ve failed in raising me and…” he trailed off to take a breath of air in between all the words that came rushing out of his mouth. “And I just want you to know that I’m getting it all fixed. You won’t have to deal with it anymore.”

“Failed you?” James asked, his eyebrows shooting up. “Son, we don’t think we’ve failed raising you. We couldn’t be any prouder to have you as our son.”

“What would make ya think that we…” Diane trailed off, her face flushing. Lance dropped his gaze to the floor. “Oh.” She put a hand over her heart, slowly backing up until she could sink into a chair. “Sweetie, I know that I may have said some just hurtful things when I first found out, but you know I didn’ mean ta hurt you. I jus’…I didn’ know how to handle the news but we both know that God made you who you’re supposed ta be.”

“You don’t hate me?” Lance asked quietly.

“How could you think that?” James asked.

“Because I hate myself,” Lance replied, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat, swallowing thickly. “I hate what people say about me and how they look at me. Everything was fine before everyone knew.”

“Son, you were called ‘Half-Pint’ all through middle and high school,” James pointed out to him. Lance made a face as the nickname reached his ears. James let out a small chuckle of amusement. “I see that it’s still something that bothers you. You’ve also been called names when y’all were touring as *NSYNC but you continued to be yourselves and do what you love did you not?”

“Yes, sir, that’s true,” Lance replied.

“So, why does this have to be something you can’t learn to adapt to?” James asked. He looked over at his wife, nodding in Diane’s direction. “It was hard for us to really let sink in, and we both agree we may have said some things without thinkin’ that hurt ya more than we’ll probably ever know and we apologize for that. From our hearts we apologize for hurting you but we didn’t understand. That’s the main thing.”

“The hate and anger from all those people online, they’re jus’ online you can always close your computer or log out of your e-mails,” Diane added, holding her hands out towards her son. Lance hesitated for a moment before stepping towards her, sliding his hands into hers. “They’re all comin’ from people who don’t understand you, who are uneducated about homosexuality. They’re scared of things they don’ understand.”

 Diane bowed her head, gently squeezing Lance’s hands. “We were scared too, but not of you, but how everyone was goin’ ta treat you,” she explained, tightening her grip on his hands when he tried to pull himself away. “We were scared about what would come next; that somethin’ like this was goin’ ta happen so we’ve been tryin’ ta explain to people that bein’ a homosexual isn’ what you’re choosin’ ta be, but it’s who you are and it doesn’t change ya.”

Lance could feel his bottom lip trembling. His knees bent until he was kneeling on the ground, peering up at her. He flashed back to all the times when he was a kid when he would get hurt and needed his mom to kiss his “boo boo” to make the pain go away. Only now, he knew that it would ultimately be up to him, but he always knew that he’d have his parents’ support.

“R-really?” he asked quietly. “Ya have?”

“Absolutely, sweetie pie,” Diane replied, moving to cup his face in her hands. “We were worried ‘bout ya livin’ out in California all by yourself.”

“I suspect people are more open out there,” James commented and Lance gave a nod of his head. They had gay bars out in Los Angeles for crying out loud.

Clinton was nowhere near the same as Los Angeles. It was more of a quiet town; one where everybody knew everybody’s business to help raise not only each other’s kids, but to raise each other as a community. It was a picture perfect place and no one wanted to be the cause of the blemish in the town. While he hated that about Clinton, it was still and would forever be his home. No one had a problem with him (or his family) until he came out.

“You have a gift Lance; one that not everyone else in life is born with and one that can take people a long time to learn and that gift is the ability to love everybody that comes into your life,” Diane continued using the pads of her thumbs to wipe at the tears that clung to his eyelashes. He sniffed and used his arm to wipe at his eyes. “You find somethin’ to love about just about anyone, so you need to find something to love ‘bout yourself. I could tell ya everythin’ both your father and I, and your sister, love ‘bout you—“

“And you know we would,” James interrupted his wife and Lance chuckled.

“And Jake loves you, too,” Diane continued and Lance blinked in surprise. He hadn’t ever mentioned his relationship—or failed relationship—to his parents at all apart from the fact that he was happy, he was safe, and they had both gotten tested before their relationship had really became serious. “We were worried when you wouldn’ take our calls so we’ve been talkin’ ta Darren and Annaleigh, to make sure you were ok.”

“D said that you were mad at Ace,” Lance said, shifting his gaze over towards his dad. “For…y’know, keeping my secret for me.”

“Lance, she was jus’ bein’ a good friend,” James explained. He ran a hand over his face before resting his chin in the palm of his hand. He pinched at the inner corners of his eyes with his fingers, pressing his lips together. He was silent for a moment, as if he was trying to choose his words carefully. “We were a bit disappointed and frustrated we didn’ hear anythin’ from you, but she was jus’ respectin’ your wishes. We’re glad you have both Darren and Annaleigh in your life.”

“And while we did originally think how this would affect the future prospects of having grandbabies,” Diane continued, giving him Lance a gentle smile, “we know that this is who you truly are. We just ask that you can give us time but don’ be afraid to be honest with us. We can understand why you had ta keep it a secret, but as long as you can be brave ‘bout this, so can we.”

“We’re proud of you, Lance,” James added. “I hope ya know that.” He swallowed thickly. “I really do.”

Lance did know. He worked hard in every part of his life to be sure that he wouldn’t disappoint them or make them feel like they could’ve pushed him to do more. He hadn’t thought too much about it, but it had suddenly hit him that he, in a way, was denying them of having grandkids. Sure, he could adopt or even find a friend who would be willing to be a surrogate, and he knew his family would love the kid all the same but…

Lance bit back a groan. He was just messing more things up without really thinking about it. Maybe I didn’t think this whole thing through. He pushed the corners of his lips up into a smile before getting to his feet. “I’m going to lay down for a little while, mom.” She blinked up at him. “I’m ok. I’m just tired.”

“You sure you don’ want anythin’ ta eat?” Diane asked. “Puttin’ somethin’ warm in your belly will do ya good. Make you feel a bit better.”

“That’s ok, mom,” Lance replied before moving to kiss her cheek. “Really. I’m fine. I just need some sleep.” Diane pressed her lips together, twisting her mouth to the side in a smile.

“Ok,” she replied.

“Uh, son?” James asked, looking over at Lance as he moved towards the kitchen door. Lance raised his eyebrows as he looked over at his dad. “Are you going to church service with us, tonight?”

Lance let out a long sigh, putting his hands on his hips. “Let me sleep on it, dad,” he replied. James looked like he was going to protest, but nodded his head in reply. Lance turned on his heels and made his way up the stairs and to his room. He paused in the doorway, looking at the same pictures and posters that lined the walls of his room.

It was so funny—in an ironic kind of way, not a “ha ha” kind of way—to know that one part of his life, the part that he didn’t revisit that often as he got older was one of the only thing that had stayed the same. If only he could’ve just stayed and hid out in his room for the rest of his life.  And he proceeded to do just that as he kicked off his shoes and dropped down onto his bed before he wrapped himself in his blankets.

 

---

 

He wasn’t sure how long he was asleep for when he was jerked away after a pillow collided with the side of his head, setting off an explosion of pain in the side of his face. He blinked open his eyes, squinting into the darkness, a jolt of fear hitting his chest when, for a moment he didn’t realize where he was. He pulled his blankets down from over his head and calmed down, recognizing his room. Sensing someone else in the room and registering the bend in his mattress by his feet, Lance rolled onto his back to face his sister, Stacy Bass.

“Hey, Squirt,” Stacy greeted him, tossing his pillow aside. She winced as she got a good look at his face. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks,” Lance said, deadpan. He peered over at her, eyes narrowing slightly. “You look exhausted. Are the kids ok?” He wiggled free from his blankets, sitting up. A bolt of excitement at seeing his and nephew (Leyton was four, and Keegan was two) hit him. “Are they here?”

“They’re at home with their dad,” Stacy replied with a shake of her head. “I wasn’t sure how to explain ta them what happened to ya, and why, jus’ yet.” She put a hand in the air. “But, I reassured them that you were ok.” A teasing smile came to her face. “What with your big ole head an’ all.”

Lance chuckled, rolling his eyes as he lifted his arms, silently asked for a hug. Stacy gave him a warm smile before answering his question with a hug as tightly as he could stand. She then reached for the abandoned pillow and hit him a second time.

“Ow! Stace!”

“Conversion therapy? You must be nuttier than a fruit cake!” Stacy cried, lifting the pillow to hit him again. Lance eyed the pillow warily, tensing his muscles in preparation. “Some of your marbles musta knocked loose to think of that!”

“Stace,” Lance said quietly.

“Isn’ that when they shock ya for every ‘gay’ thought you can have?” Stacy asked, ignoring him. “That’s not helpin’ ya, it’s hinderin’ ya from bein’ who you are.”

“Stace!”

“I’m not done,” Stacy said and Lance pressed his lips together. “I nearly hit the roof when Darren told me that that’s what you were thinkin’ ‘bout doin’. You can’ just come outta the close to go runnin’ back in with your tail between your legs jus’ cause some idiots don’ like who you are.”

“It’ll make everything easier, ok?” Lance asked, jumping into the conversation. “I just want things to go back to normal.” Whatever that is.

“And they will, but it takes time,” Stacy said, her expression softening as she brushed her hair behind her ears. “It may too much pressure now, but you’re not jus’ doin’ this for yourself now. You have your fans who may be goin’ through the same thin’ to think about and not only them, but your niece and nephew and Brianna, too.”

 Stacy put a hand over her heart. “They know ‘bout Uncle Lance and his friend, but they’re not that at that age to really understand what it is ta be gay. You’re not hidin’ yourself from them, why would you want ta do it with people ya don’ know?” She crossed her legs and turned to face him. “What happened to my brother who would always beg me to do little shows for mom and dad?”

“Stace, you dragged me into doing more than half of those,” Lance pointed out, letting out a small laugh. “Like the time you made me dress up like a horse instead of a cowboy when you were in your country phase.”

“You were the only one I knew who could actually spit like a horse,” Stacy protested, putting her hands up defensively. She then stuck her tongue out at him before lightly spitting as if to prove her point. Lance rolled his eyes as Stacy laughed, shrugging her shoulders as if to say You did it, not me.  

“And then there was the time you made me and Darren help Ace with one of her pageants by dressing up as one of the Three Musketeers, to ‘save’ you,” Lance continued, using air quotes.

“What I’m gettin’ at is that I believe God doesn’ want you ta jus’ be a musician, or jus’ an actor, but someone that helps people whether that’s through music or yer own voice,” Stacy said, reaching out a hand to shake his knee. “But, ya have to learn ta help yourself first, but I don’t think this therapy will. It won’ be helpin’ you, it’ll be hidin’ you and you were fed up with havin’ ta do that before.”

Good point. Lance pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. “Thanks, Stace,” he said quietly.

“I can’ let anybody hurt my baby brother,” Stacy said, reaching out a hand to ruffle his overgrowing hair. “That’s my job.” Lane chuckled. “So, mom said that you and Jake broke up?” Her eyebrows lowered into a look of concern. “You ok? What happened?”

“I don’t even know,” Lance replied, with a shake of his head, letting out a heavy sigh. “One minute we were fine and then…he was just annoyed with everything.” Stacy gave him a confused look and he shook his head back and forth. He didn’t want to talk about it; it still brought a pang of hurt to his heart, but at the same time, he was still confused about what had happened. “I don’t know, I think it was more than what he was letting on, like something else was bothering him.”

“Maybe he’s simply jus’ not for you,” Stacy replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “Remember Seth? I thought he was ‘the one’ before I met Ford.” She peered over at Lance for a moment. “Do you think Jake was ‘the one’ for you?”

“I…I don’t know,” Lance slowly replied. “I mean, Stace, you know I’ve had a few girlfriends.” Stacy nodded her head.

None of those relationships had lasted more than a couple of months. Things ended amicably, but Lance couldn’t help but wonder if it was because he was too gentlemanly. That was due in part to just doing what he thought all guys would do on dates—and he went on a lot of group dates to kind of watch and figure out what to do. He felt like he was in love with them, he sure as heck had strong feelings for them, but it wasn’t until he really started to allow himself to feel the same way for a man did he find that he had no idea what love was before.

“But, Jake was different,” Lance continued. “I really felt like something could’ve happened but now…” He trailed off, peering over at his sister. “How’d you know Ford was the right one for you?”

“It’s nothin’ that spectacular,” Stacy replied, waving her hand in the air. “My car broke down around a coffee shop in Oxford, near the University of Mississippi and I was jus’ standin’ on the side of the road as I waited for a tow truck.” She closed her eye for a moment as she thought. “I musta been standin’ out there for ages, but he pulled up in his car, rolled down the window and said, ‘First off, I’m Ford Lofton. Second, I’m not goin’ ta hurt your or anythin’ but I notice you’ve been standin’ here for a while and thought you’d want some company or maybe a ride?’.”

“I recognized him from the shop, he came in on a pretty regular basis, but I didn’ really know him. I told him that I was fine and he insisted on waitin’ and he did. He jus’ sat in his car, waitin’ for the tow truck ta come. I couldn’ tell ya how long I waited, but in that time we jus’ started talkin’. And talkin’, and talkin’, and talkin’. But, he didn’ once move to get out of his car; he wanted ta be sure I felt safe around him. When the tow truck finally came, I felt kinda sad ta end the conversation, before he asked me for coffee later that week. I had barely known him for a few hours, but I already knew that I was smitten.”

Lance felt his lips pull back into a smile. He could tell Stacy was truly happy and in love with her husband. She had a wonderful family, one he liked to visit as often as he could, but also found himself leaving just a little sad knowing he wouldn’t have the normal family would he ever get the opportunity to get married.

“Now, are you sure about this therapy?” Stacy asked. Lance leaned over the desk next to his bed and reached for his laptop. He set it on his lap and lifted the lid.

He entered the password into his computer and struck the ENTER key with his finger before opening a web browser, bringing up his bookmarked sites. He then spun his computer around to face his sister and she leaned closer to read the website.

“ ‘Guaranteed ta turn your loved one from their chosen sexual orientation to follow the truth path of God’. Lance you said so yourself, this isn’ a choice.” She paused for a moment before looking him in the eye. “You’re tryin’ ta brainwash yourself. I’m tellin’ mom.”

 “No you’re not,” Lance instantly replied, feeling anger churn in his stomach. “Why do you have ta butt into everythin’?” His accent slid into his voice, much like it always did when he got mad. “This is what I want ta do, why can’ you jus’ accept that?”

“I accept you as who you are, as my brother,” Stacy replied. “Not someone who’d become a shell of the man I grew up with.”

“I already am different from the guy you grew up with,” Lance snapped. “This has changed everythin’! It’s changed me. It’s…it’s like the old me is dead.”

Stacy hiked an eyebrow. “Boy, you don’ look dead ta me,” she commented, giving him a pointed look. “Jesus will help you through this; he’ll help you learn and make it through this. You can’ jus’ give up on yourself. Look, you didn’ think you could make it as a dancer with *NSYNC, but you stuck with it and proved everyone wrong.”

“That’s different and ya know it,” Lance muttered.

“What I know is that my brother has always amazed me with what he can accomplish no matter what people said about him,” Stacy replied. “The words and the actions may hurt your soul now, maybe even put a hole in ya heart, but they didn’t break you. Maybe you’re chipped just a bit, but God made you strong. He’ll help ya fix that whole; learn how to make it stronger so it won’t happen again.”

She then climbed off his bed. “Anyway, mom jus’ wanted me ta see if you were goin’ ta church with us tonight,” she said to him, holding his hand out towards her brother. “Maybe it’ll lift your spirit some.” Lance just stared up at him. “People need some sense knocked into them, Lance, and you’re gonna have ta be the one ta do it. You can’ hide forever.”

“You’re startin’ ta sound like Ace,” Lance commented.

“Where do ya think she got it from?” Stacy asked with a smile and a wink. Lance chuckled before sliding his hand into hers.

 

---

 

Lance shifted in his seat, adjusting his tie before smoothing it with one hand. He felt hot under the collar, aware of all the stare and whispers that floated around him. All he wanted to do was shrink in his seat, but he was sure Stacy wouldn’t let him do so. His back was hurting from sitting up so straight, trying to ignore everything.

As soon as he had stepped into the chapel, he felt a sense of security wash over him despite the double takes that people would shoot him. Women had hid behind their fans, turning their heads away. Some of the children had gawked before they were ushered away. This church was where everything had started; where he really felt like he had a place where he could fit in.

He had stood off to the side, watching as his parents interacted with some of the church goers. They had shifted their gaze in Lance’s direction every now and then, but his parents didn’t seem to notice, or just chose to ignore it.

“Jim, I’ve been prayin’ for your family through this rough time. I know He will give you strength to push through.”

“I appreciate it, Dottie,” Lance had hear his father reply as politely as he could. “He certainly has helped us understand our son and really get to love him even more so. However, I believe your prayers would best be directed towards Brother Terrance. I hear his wife has become ill.”

Lance had smiled to himself, silently thanking his dad for standing up to him before turning his head when he felt a tap on his shoulder. “Jazzy!” Lance had turned towards Darren’s sister, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. “You look amazing. What are you doing here?”

“Just popped into town for a couple days,” Jasmine Dale had replied as she brushed her hair out of her face. “Doing some favors for a few people.” Her lips then pulled down at the corners. “Heard you were back and wanted ta see how you’re doin’.”

“I’m…hanging in there,” Lance had replied after a moment. “Just taking it a day at a time.”

“That’s good,” Jasmine had replied. She was silent for a moment before taking in a breath of air. “Anyway, I jus’ wanted ta say that I’m ok with who you are. It doesn’ make me love you any less. I can only imagine how hard things are for you.”

“Thanks, Jazz, I really appreciate it,” Lance had said, giving her another hug.

“And don’ worry ‘bout any of them,” Jasmine had added, waving her hand in the air, motioning around the vast chapel. “They jus’ want somethin’ ta gossip about before they decide ta pull their panty hose out of their butts.” Lance’s eyes shot up before he let out a bark of laughter. “I know that sounds mean, but somethin’s gotta be stuck up there.” She winked at him before sliding past him, the clacking of her heels muffled on the carpeted floor.

“And now, as we move to the offertory of this service, I’d like to welcome Gabriel Hanson and Jasmine Dale to perform a musical selection,” Pastor Cunningham said with a smile, swinging his arm out to the side indicating the musical instruments set up behind him. Lance smiled, clapping along with the rest of the congregation as Annaleigh’s half-brother and Jasmine stepped up onto the stage.

Fate reached for the guitar sitting on its stand, looping the strap around his neck before stepping up to the microphone in front of him as the other musicians filled in behind them. “Hi. I haven’t been here in a while, but it’s nice to be back,” he said. He let out a little laugh. “It’s the first time I’ve played here without Annaleigh with me, but Jasmine has graciously accepted to fill her role as my duet partner today.” Jasmine gave a series of curtsies as she was applauded.

“Annaleigh is out in California right now, helping a friend with an album. We’re currently playing a few shows at church retreats and any place that will have us and we’ve both have enjoyed performing here. This is the first time I’ve played this song without her, but Jasmine has an amazing voice so I hope you like it. Annaleigh wrote this song a little while ago while on tour and we’ve been working on it until she was comfortable to share it with everyone. This song is called Salvation.”

Fate turned to face the musicians behind him to check if they were ready. He tapped his foot on the ground four times before they started playing, a small piano chord starting up, the drums coming in, and then Jasmine started to sing.

“All alone lost in this abyss crawling in the dark,” Jasmine sang quietly at first, keeping her arms down by her sides. She shifted her weight from foot to foot. “Nothing to wet my longing lips and I wonder where you are. Are you far? Will you come to my rescue?” She closed her eyes, a strength coming to her voice. “Am I left to die? But I can’t give up on you.” She pointed her fingers towards the ceiling as there was a loud crash of cymbals and a rock feel came into the song.

“I feel you keeping me alive, you are my salvation,” Fate sang with Jasmine, their voices mixing and harmonizing in a way that sent shivers down Lance’s spine. Fate’s fingers stretched from fret to fret as he played the guitar in his hands.

“Touch you, taste you, feel you here,” Jasmine sang. “Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah.”

“I feel you keeping me alive, you are my salvation.”

“Hold me, heal me, keep me near. Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah.”

“My heart will burn for you, it’s all I can do,” the two sang together. Lance looked around the room, a little surprised to see the smiles on faces. The song had a rock edge to it, something he didn’t think he’d ever hear in the church.

It brought him some hope (something he hadn’t felt in a while); things were changing around him. People were being more open-minded. He just needed to knock some sense into people, just like his sister said.

His lips slowly curled up into a smile. He had an idea on how to do so; no one was going to push him around again just because of who he was. He had to do it for his friends, for his family, his niece, his nephew, his goddaughter, and more importantly for himself.

 

-07-

Jackson, Mississippi

Annaleigh let out a sigh as she stepped out of the shower, pushing back the shower curtain, reaching for the towel that sat on the closed toilet lid. She flapped out the towel and wrapped it around her body, goosebumps popping up on her arms and legs. Securing the towel with a little knot sitting at the side of her breasts, she reached back into the shower to turn off the water before stepping over to the sink, reaching for her tooth brush.

“Yeah?” she called when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. As she reached for the tube of toothpaste, the bathroom door swung open and Darren leaned in the doorway. “What?” She squirted a pea sized amount onto her tooth brush before turning on the water, wetting the paste and bristles before starting to brush her teeth.

“Jus’ checkin’ to make sure you didn’ drown yourself while you were in there,” Darren replied around a yawn, running his hand over his face.

“Or you were tryin’ ta sneak a peek,” Annaleigh replied with a hike of an eyebrow.

“Not like it’s anythin’ I haven’ seen before,” Darren replied, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.

“There’s jus more of it,” Annaleigh replied, pulling her toothbrush out of her mouth. She lifted her free hand and raked her fingers through her wet, stringy hair.

“So you say,” Darren muttered.

Annaleigh stopped what she was doing, putting a hand on her towel clad hip, dropping her gaze slightly before looking back up at him, her lips curling up into a smirk. “I could say the same for you, Chippendale,” she commented before going back to brushing her teeth. She spat a glob of white saliva mixed toothpaste into the sink. “Did I take too long?”

“Naw, ya gave me five extra minutes of sleep, and I’d take every one of them that I could get,” Darren replied, using the heel of his palm to rub at his eyes. He sniffed as he blinked open his eyes. “Not that I don’ want the company as my bachelor pad—“

“Apartment,” Annaleigh said, interrupting him. “I’m the only filly you’ve ever brought back here.” She winked in his direction, laughing around her toothbrush. “An’ that still hasn’ worked out for ya. If you know what I mean.” Darren just rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“But, why didn’ you head home as soon as you got in ta town?” Darren asked.

“Why is tha sky blue? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? How many verses does it take for Michael to row his damn boat ashore?” Annaleigh replied, scrunching her eyebrows together, white foam lining her mouth. “If we’re all done askin’ stupid questions, I can go change.”

“Lance is fine,” Darren said, moving to the side, allowing her to step into his apartment.

“I know it,” Annaleigh replied, making her way over to the bag. She made a clicking sound with her tongue. “Shoot, it was jus’ easier ta crash here if I’m helpin’ ya down at school.” She unzipped her small suitcase, clutching the towel around her chest as she crouched down to do so. “Nothin’ big. Besides, I talked ta dad last night. I’m stayin’ over there to spend time with him and Gabe before headin’ back to California. Sue me for wantin’ ta spend some time with ya before headin’ back.”

“You’ve been avoidin’ goin’ home,” Darren said to her as more of a statement than a question. Annaleigh let out a short laugh, grabbing some of her clothes and a wide toothed comb.

“If I was avoidin’ goin’ home, I wouldn’ be back in Mississippi to begin with,” Annaleigh replied, grabbing a handful of clothes, turning back to look at him. “You know I love it here, Darren.” She held her clothes to her chest as she turned to face him, feeling her face heat up at her choice of words. ”In Mississippi. It’s just that mom’s comin’ down ta visit, too. I jus’ don’ love the idea of them bein’ in the same room together.” Darren winced, making a face. “Yeah, see? An’ that’s even if she actually comes. They get along fine as long as they’re not in the same vicinity of each other.”

“It might be a good thing,” Darren suggested, scratching the back of his neck, blinking his eyes, looking more awake. “You never know.” Annaleigh snorted. “Nevertheless, you’re welcome to crash here anytime you need it. I’m sure the couch will start to feel comfortable eventually.” He gave her a lopsided smile and she chuckled.

“You’re jus’ sayin’ that so it won’t be so weird for you to not have any fillies to bring back to you—achem—‘bachelor pad’ like your friends,” Annaleigh replied, patting his chest as she stepped past him, kicking the bathroom door shut behind her hearing him mutter a “Whatever you say” before the door fully closed.

“Just hurry up before I’m late for rehearsal,” Darren called, rapping on the door.

“I’m hurryin’, I’m hurryin’,” Annaleigh replied, quickly changing out of the towel and into her clothes.

She grabbed her comb and started running it through her hair, untangling the knotted strands of hair when a glint of light caught her eye. She slowly lowered her comb as she dropped her gaze to the purity ring sitting on the side of the sink. She glanced at it for a moment before grabbing the chain, lifting it up above her head, sliding it around her neck.

She set the ring down into the palm of her hand and closed her fist around it, looking up at her reflection in the mirror. Dear Lord, please keep me strong through this visit with my parents. Please help me find my way through the day, and keep my friends and family safe with whatever they plan for today. She let out a sigh through her nose before glancing over at the closed bathroom door. She tucked her ring underneath her shirt and packed up her stuff. Please help me release the past and find the love my parents once shared for one another .Please give me the strength to allow myself to love. Please give me the strength to be as open and brave as I used to be. Amen.

 She opened the bathroom door and made her way back over to her suitcase to put up her things. “It’s about time,” Darren called as he brushed past her, making his way inside.

“Ha, the minute you get a girl, you have ta deal with it all the time,” Annaleigh called back to him, noticing that the door was partially open. “Speakin’ of, how was your date with Lauren?”

“I wouldn’ call it a date,” Darren called back as the sound of running water started. “My mom ran into her mom at the store and it’s been a while since she’s been back in town so I showed her around, that’s all.”

“You mean your mom suggested you show her around,” Annaleigh replied, moving around the living room, looking for her shoes. She looked under the couch and the chairs. “Did y’all have a good time?”

“Yeah, she’s still really nice and everythin’ and she loved the Firefly Market,” Darren replied. “I don’ know if I’ll go out with her again, although she hinted at it. I’d jus’ rather not be set up; find my own date.”

“If that’s the only way for you to get a date…” Annaleigh trailed off before letting out a loud, “Ah HA!” when she found her shoes in the compartment underneath the living room table. She slipped them onto her feet before dropping down onto the couch, brushing her hair back behind her ears. “I wouldn’ knock it.”

“Ouch,” Darren called back with a short chuckle. A few minutes later, the shower water turned off and he made his way out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, leaving wet footprints in the carpet. “I don’ see you puttin’ yourself out there.”

Annaleigh didn’t answer as she watched as droplets of water dripped down from his hair, sliding down his chest and back, making their way through the grooves of his muscles before soaking in to the material around his waist. “Do me a favor and go start up the car so we can jus’ jump in and go?”

“Sure,” Annaleigh instantly replied, jumping to her feet. Don’ go there, Ace. You promised yourself a long time ago that you’d leave him alone.

She moved over to her suitcase and zipped it shut before popping out the extractable handle, rolling it behind her. She headed to the front door and grabbed the car keys from the corkboard hook by the door before retrieving her wallet from the table, sliding it into her jeans pocket.

Annaleigh made her way out the door and down the stairs of the apartment complex before making her way over to Darren’s car. Unlocking the doors, she popped the back door open and set her suitcase inside before slamming it shut, moving to get into the driver’s seat, turning on the car. Darren came out of the apartment complex and got into the passenger seat of the car.

“Let’s roll,” he said as he slammed the car door shut. “An’ don’ speed this time.”

“I didn’ get pulled over, that’s gotta stand for somethin’,” Annaleigh said, giving him a toothy grin before she leaned forward to release the parking brake. “Besides, you an’ Lance taught me how ta drive so it’d really be your fault for settin’ a bad example.”

“Psssh, no one cares how ya drive on the back roads, I jus’ thought you had more common sense than to drive that way on the freeway and stuff,” Darren said with a scoff although he had a half smile on his face.

“Yeah, yeah,” Annaleigh quietly replied.

If only I had common sense. She could say that about a lot of things that she had done in her life. But, she was never one to really think things through when they peeked her interest. Often times she shot herself in the foot because of it, though.

Soon, she pulled into the parking lot of the local high school before cutting off the engine to the car. Darren grabbed her arm, stopping her from opening the door as she reached for the handle. “If you were thinkin’ ‘bout Wade…” he said, peering over at her, letting his sentence hang off the end. “I’m sorry. I didn’ mean to.”

“It’s fine,” Annaleigh replied, waving a hand in the air, removing her arm from his hand, trying to shake out the jolts that shot up her arm and to her stomach. She gave a shrug of her shoulders. “You know me, I jus’ dwell on things a lot.” Darren’s eyebrows knitted together slightly. “I don’ want you ta do that.”

“Do what?” Darren asked. Annaleigh didn’t answer but leaned over in her seat to kiss him on the cheek.

“You’ve really helped, D, you always have,” Annaleigh said to him, giving him a smile. “With my mom leaving and everythin’, I don’ want you ta think that you haven’ been the best support I could have. I jus’ think ‘bout it sometimes; wonder how Wade is doin’. Yes, sometimes I think back ‘bout how I coulda put myself in that position, but it happened and things are better now. I’m blessed that the Lord saw me through and helped me to the other side with friends and family there to support me. Trust me, I’m fine.”

“Shoot, you know that when a girl says that she’s lyin’?” Darren said with a click of his tongue, hiking an eyebrow in amusement.

“Figured you’d know by now that when I say it, I’m tellin’ the truth,” Annaleigh replied as she got out of the car.

“Or you jus’ want me ta stop talkin’ ‘bout it,” Darren said, popping the buckle of his seat.

“That too,” Annaleigh replied with a wink before slamming the driver’s side door shut. She slid her hands into her jeans pockets as Darren rounded the car, adjusting the bag on his shoulder, and followed him through the halls of the high school, making her way to the auditorium, following the muffled sounds of singing.

“Hey, seriously, thanks for helpin’ me out today, I really needed it,” Darren said, pulling the door to the auditorium open. He placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her into the room. “I really appreciate it.”

“Thanks for givin’ me a place to crash,” Annaleigh replied.

“No worries,” Darren said before quickening his pace as he headed down the aisle. He turned back to give her a smile. “It was nice to have someone to come home to.” Annaleigh stopped walking, feeling her face heat up as he continued down the aisle, calling for everyone’s attention.

Calm down, Ace, he was just helpin’ out a friend. Annaleigh gave a shake of her head and raked her fingers through her hair, following him down the aisle towards an empty row of seats. Nothing big. Get your mind out of the gutter. She gave a smile and waved towards the high school kids who were whispering excitedly to each other.

“Sorry I’m late,” Darren called in a booming voice and all the chatter immediately stopped. “I’m glad to see you’re all here on time. I know it’s not ideal, but thank you for giving up your weekend for this rehearsal. Just give me a few minutes to set up.”

“We have to wait for Miss Collins anyway,” a girl called out.

“That gives me a bit more time, then,” Darren said as he made his way up to the stage, setting his bag down. “Talk amongst yourselves.”

“Annie.”

Annaleigh made a face at the name before making her way over to Gabriel, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “Hey, Gabe,” she greeted her half-brother with a smile. “How’s dad? Did you get the instruments? Did you remember to get the Ibanez amp and not the Marshall? I probably should’ve checked before you and Lance drove down here—“

“One question at a time, Ace,” Lance said, moving to give his friend a hug. Annaleigh looked him over. His cheek and lip still looked a bit puffy and she could see where his bottom lip had split, but overall, he didn’t look as bad as Darren had described him. She squeezed him just a bit tighter, nonetheless. “Relax, I’m fine.”

“Jus’ checkin’,” Annaleigh replied, giving him a smile. “I got back here as fast as I could. I was worried.”

“I’m ok,” Lance repeated.

“And dad’s fine, just busy putting dinner together for tonight,” Gabriel explained, counting off on his fingers. “I got your bass and my guitar ready to be set up onstage, yes I got the right amp, and yes you should’ve checked before we left.” He put a hand on top of her head, ruffling her hair. “You need to calm down, seriously.”

Annaleigh sucked in a deep breath of air before letting it out through her nose before moving to greet Jasmine. She couldn’t help it. Ever since everything with Wade had happened, she had changed. She could still be considered a firecracker in regards to her spontaneity—and still answered to that very nickname whenever she talked to Chris or Joey amongst other nicknames like “Little Lady”, “Little Miss”, and “Missy”—but a lot of the times, she preferred to know where everything and everybody was at all times. She had to know how things could potentially turn out before agreeing to something.

“Thanks for coming to help,” Darren said, walking up to his friends, rubbing his hands together.  “These kids really love to sing and perform in their show choir. But, they could use the help in some areas. Jazzy, I was hoping you could help them with their dancing.”

“You got it, bro,” Jasmine replied, curling her hand into a fist, punching his shoulder. “No problem.”

“And Gabe, Ace, I think you two would be the best to help those doing duets to, well…learn how to sing together and to work off each other,” Darren continued, turning towards Annaleigh and Gabriel. “And Lance, I’m going to have you help those who sing bass. I don’t think any of them can reach your tones, but it’d really help me out.”

He then looked at his friends standing around him. “Plus, some of these kids here are aspiring to be in bands and continuing on with music as a career, and you all could really help them out. I’m going to set some time aside for you to answer their questions about dance and the business and everything.”

“Relax, D,” Jasmine said, lifting a hand to pat her brother’s shoulder. “You’ve got professionals in your midst.” She flipped her hair with her hand and gave a wide smile. “I’m sure we can whip these kids into shape.”

“Layin’ it on a bit thick, don’t ya think?” Darren asked in a monotone, rolling her eyes before giving his sister a shove. “She goes to one dance school and instead of getting a big head, she gets big feet.” Jasmine stuck her tongue out at him after she regained her balance.

“Miss Collins! Mr. Dale, Miss Collins is here.”

Annaleigh craned her neck and watched as a pretty red-head stepped into the room, a bag hanging off of her shoulder. She reached into her bag and pulled out a book, making her way over to the piano, greeting some of the students as she went by.

“Oh, good,” Darren said with a smile. He lifted his hand in her direction in greeting. Leila did the same, a warm smile on her face. “Leila is our accompanist for rehearsals. She runs all the vocal warm ups and helps me with the kids for private lessons. Excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

Jasmine grabbed Annaleigh’s arm, pulling her aside. “So how was your night spent at my brother’s apartment?” she asked with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Nothin’ happened, Jazz,” Annaleigh replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Nothin’ ever happens with you two,” Jasmine said with a groan.

Who’re you tellin’? Annaleigh held back a snort, keeping her face neutral. You’re focusin’ on your music right now, Ace. She pressed her lips together as she watched her lips together as she watched Darren and Leila share a laugh by the piano. She said something to him, putting her hand on his arm. You don’ have time for datin’ anyway.

“Girl, you must be jelly ‘cause jam don’ shake like that,” Jasmine said, snapping her fingers repeatedly in Annaleigh’s face. Annaleigh blinked repeatedly before widening her eyes in innocence. “Relax; he’s not interested in her.”

“I am relaxed,” Annaleigh replied out of the corner of her mouth. “And I’m not jealous.”

“Mmhm.” Jasmine crossed her arms over her chest. She squinted at her friend before letting out a sigh. “When are you going to allow yourself to be happy?”

“I am happy,” Annaleigh replied as convincingly as she could. No one gets hurt this way, that’s all.

She was putting all her faith in God to help he move on and to find love, and be ready to accept love, but she was still worried about her own role in whatever God’s plan was for her. She had seen her parents and Lance and Jake split up; two couples she thought were perfect for each other. She had eve tricked herself into thinking her relationship with Wade would go somewhere in the long run.

She just didn’t want to get hurt again. And she sure as hell would make sure no one would ever hurt her friends or family.

---

Los Angeles, California

24 Hour Fitness

A week later, Lance pressed jabbed his glove covered fist into the punching, making a small dent in the material before pressing his sweaty forehead against the bag. He closed his eyes, feeling his sweat slip down all sides of his head as he fought to catch his breath. His heart was hammering in his chest; trying to bust its way out of his rib cage. He kept taking in deep breaths of air, swallowing it down into his body, and felt his heart rate slowing down.

“Good.” Lane could hear the smile in Annaleigh’s voice. He forced his lips up into a smile, turning his head to the side to face her direction, opening his eyes slightly. “You’re really getting the hang of it.”

A low groan escaped Lance’s chest when tightness suddenly coiled in the center of his chest. His knees slowly started to buckle when he felt his heart give one, two, three hard pumps before pumping normally. Lance could feel the energy in his arms sliding away as quickly as sand through an hour glass. He dropped his arms to his sides, shaking them out, breathing in deeply, as a light fluttering feeling entered his chest.

“You ok?” Annaleigh asked and he felt her hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Lance replied, nodding his head, opening his eyes fully to look over at her. Annaleigh lifted a taped hand and wiped at the sweat that dripped from her nose. “That just…took a lot more out of me than I thought it was going to.”

“Here, you look a little pale,” Annaleigh replied, reaching for his water bottle. “Shoulda had ya take a bit of a break earlier.”

“No, no, I’m good,” Lance replied, taking the water bottle from her.

He popped the top off and tilted his head back. Dropping his jaw, he squirted the water into his mouth, collecting as much of it as possible into his mouth before clamping his lips shut. He passed he water bottle back towards her and slowly swallowed the rapidly-turning-warm water in his mouth in little gulps.

It wasn’t that he needed a water break. And he knew the flutter in his chest wasn’t about harboring secret feelings for his best friend. Those were different kinds of flutters. Flutters he thought he had experienced with her, with a girl, the flutters he thinks he tricked himself into feeling when he was with a girl. They weren’t even the same flutters he felt when he was with Jake or around any boy he thought was cute.

It was natural for his heart. When he was active, his heart beat normally as anybody else’s, but when he was just sitting around and relaxing, the flutters came. Or at least that was how he could describe it. His doctors had called it something else; heart arrhythmia. His heart was working the “opposite way of everyone else’s,” he was explained.

His trip to the hospital that day had been unplanned. One minute, he was jogging through the neighborhood with Jake. They were running at an even pace, matching each other’s movement, arm swing for arm swing and foot fall for foot fall.

“Race ya home,” Jake said with a challenging glint in his eye, gently jostling him with his elbow. Lance looked ahead of him and saw their house at the end of the street getting bigger and bigger with each step they took. “Loser fixes breakfast for everyone.”

“I don’t knowww,” Lance groaned, scrunching up his face. Jake lifted his eyebrows and Lance held back a smile before he took off running, his shoes making a pat, pat, pat sound as they hit the glittering asphalt.

“Hey!” Jake shouted after him. “Cheater!”

“Loser!” Lance called back. He pumped his arms, swinging them as fast as he could, matching the pace with his legs. He could hear Jake’s rhythmic gasps of air behind him as his boyfriend hurried to catch up with him. He could feel all the energy sliding out of his body, but he kept pushing himself forward.

A laugh slipped past his lips as Jake came up beside him, giving him a shove, trying to knock him off course. Lance wind milled his arms before changing his direction, hurrying after his boyfriend. He steeled his shoulder and as they turned into the driveway, Lance steeled his shoulder and collided into Jake, knocking him over into the grass.

“Cheater,” Jake said around his laughter.

“Loser,” Lance replied, rolling onto his back. He gazed up at the sky before lifting his hand to his head, wiping the sweat from his warm skin. His chest heaved as he gasped for air.

“Come on,” Jake said, getting to his feet. He stood over Lance and offered him his hands, wiggling his fingers. “We have to walk it off.”

“I don’t think I can move,” Lance breathed, lazily lifting his arms into the air before dropping them back down onto his chest. His lips trembled as a tight feeling appeared in the center of his chest, squeezing tighter and tighter as he tried to catch his breath. His heart throbbed in his chest, pumping harder and harder.

“Come on, get up,” Jake said, grabbing Lance’s hands, trying to lift his boyfriend. “Seriously, Lance, get up. It’s not good for you.”

“Can’t,” Lance choked out. He stared up at Jake with wide eyes. His vision was blurring, the edges black, slowly darkening. Jake frowned, dropping Lance’s arms to his chest. He took in deep shuddering breath of air.

“Lance?” Jake asked, dropping down to his side. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Lance watched Jake’s lips move, but his words started fading out until he couldn’t hear anything he was saying at all. A roaring sound filled his ears and was the last thing he heard before closing his eyes, blacking out.

When he had awoken the first noise he heard was a rhythmic beeping sound. He tried to blink his eyes open, but felt like they were weighted down with blocks of cement. Something was clamped on his finger, something cut into his wrist, and his legs were covered in something coarse and itchy. He parted his dry lips and tried to make a sound, but only managed to let out a rush of air.

“James?”

“Mmmm.” Lance darted his tongue out between his lips and did his best to wet them, but his mouth was so dry.

“Hold on, I’ll get you some water.”

Lance heard footsteps and the sound of water running before he heard the distinct sound of something being filled. The water shut off and he heard footsteps again before he sensed someone by his side. Lance tried to open his eyes and managed to open them a crack before slowly forcing his eyelids apart, only to squeeze them shut a split second later against the harsh light.

“Here, drink.

Lance felt a paper cup being forced into his hand. He slowly opened his eyes and looked over at the paper cup in his hand. He moved it to his mouth and tilted the cup, pouring the drink into his mouth with a satisfied sigh through his nose. The cool liquid chilled his body all the way down into his stomach.

“Worried…heart…faint…attack…”

“I had…a heart attack?” Lance managed to get out, lowering the cup from his mouth.

He opened his eyes fully and looked around the room and realized with the start that he was in the hospital. He looked down at the diamond covered hospital gown. Grabbing a handful of cloth, he pulled the material away from his chest to see a small white pad suckered to his chest over his heart.

“In a way, but I wouldn’t go that far with what I’m saying.” Lance looked over at the man sitting in the computer chair in the corner of the room, looking back at him. He clicked the top of his pen before pointing the tip in Lance’s direction. “I said, it might’ve felt like your body was under attack. I’m Dr. Wilkins, by the way.”

“What happened?” Lance asked.

“You fainted,” the man replied. “Your blood wasn’t getting enough oxygen, and your heart was working overtime to try and supply more oxygen to your body. However, the reason for the lack of oxygen was due to your heart palpitations.”

“My what?” Lance asked.

“You have an irregular heartbeat,” Dr. Wilkins replied, getting to his feet, moving to stand next to Lance’s bed. “It’s strange though, with heart palpitations, it usually occurs when your body is in motion, when you’re being active like running, biking, swimming, anything like that. But with you…your palpitations fluctuate when you’re relaxing or standing still or lying down.” Lance heard a quick double beat from the machine by his head. “Just like that.”

“And that’s what made me faint?” Lanced asked.

Dr. Wilkins stared at him for a moment, pressing his lips together, suddenly looking older. Or rather, older than he already was. His hair was graying, making his black locks more of a charcoal color. The lines around his mouth and eyes deepened with the look of worry before it was erased into an expressionless look.

“That and other complications I’ve found while monitoring your heart,” Dr. Wilkins replied with a sigh, tapping his pen on the metal railing that sat on the side of Lance’s bed. “You see, with your palpitations being normal for you, it alters how your body works however it’s not something that has really been impactful on your health until now. Your friend, Jake, told me you two were out running before this happened.”

“Yeah,” Lance replied, nodding his head.

“Well, with your heart working hard to keep up with your body, it was beating as it normally would have albeit rapidly to keep the flow of oxygen going,” Dr. Wilkins explained as he tucked his pen in to his pocket. “So, when your body was coming down from your speed, and your heartbeat was shifting back to its normal heart beat with the palpitations, the skipped beat lasted longer than it should have.”

“You see the skipped heart beat is a way for your heart to restart itself and the quick heart beats is a way for your heart to catch up with the skipped beat. To go from the sudden rapid, regular beating of your heart to slowing down to skipped beat threw your body out of wack. The lack of oxygen made you faint. Amongst other things.”

“What do you mean?” Lance asked.

“Have you ever heard of a Patent Foramen Ovale?” Dr. Wilkins asked and Lance shook his head. “Not a lot of people do. Anyway; it’s a clinical term referring to holes in the heart. All babies are born with them as a way to help them survive before they develop the use of their lungs. During the babies’ development and before birth the holes shut, although it’s not uncommon for a hole to stay open.”

“Are…I have a hole in my heart?” Lance asked, fear rising through his body. His armpits prickled with sweat and he moved to sit up in bed. “Is that bad? Am…am I going to die?”

“Not all holes in your heart are fatal,” Dr. Wilkins replied. “You’ve been living with it all your life and it hasn’t had any problems with your daily life until now. We won’t know how big the hole is, nor how bad it could get, or how much better it could get without going in to check it out. Depending on the size of the Ventricular Septal Defect, or VSD—hole in the heart—we’d figure out whether or not you’d need surgery to correct the problem.”

“And if I don’t?” Lance asked.

“…It could be fatal,” Dr. Wilkins replied after a moment of silence. Lance felt his jaw drop and everything else the doctor said was muffled, sounding as if he was listening to him from underwater.

I could die, Lance thought to himself. I really could die.

“Your friend got you here in enough time. We’d just like to monitor you for a couple more days.”

Jake, Lance thought to himself. He immediately opened his mouth, forming the words to correct the doctor, but he couldn’t get the word ‘boyfriend’ out. This is my punishment, he realized with a start. God doesn’t like how I’m living and he’s actually given me a broken heart for it. No wonder I could never hold a relationship.

“You can take medications if it really comes down to that, but surgery would be the operative way to really get a look and to see just what we’re dealing with here—“

“Do my parents know about this?” Lance asked.

“Er…your friend has been phoning your friends and family,” Dr. Wilkins said, taken aback. “However, since you’re over the age of 21, it’s not something we are required to share with your family. You can let them know as little or as much as you want.”

“If they ask…I was just badly dehydrated,” Lance said and Dr. Wilkins looked even more startled. “Please. I don’t want to worry them. I just…need time to figure this out.”

“Mr. Bass, I don’t know if I can—“

“Please,” Lance said, grabbing at the metal bar at the side of his bed. “I just…I really need to think about this. Just for a little bit. Please.”

Dr. Wilkins closed his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh. “Alright, but I’d still like to keep you here over night at least,” he replied. “And I’d like to hear back from you soon about the surgery also, keep tabs on how your heart is and any symptoms including fainting, shortness of breath, fatigue, dizziness, anything out of the ordinary. I’ll go get you some reading on the subject.”

“Thank you,” Lance replied, letting out a sigh of relief. Dr. Wilkins nodded before making his way out of the room. As soon as the door shut behind him, Lance put his face in his hands.

A month later, Jake had broken up with him.

“At least eat something,” Annaleigh said before making her way over to her bag. She reached into the side pocket and retrieved a Nature Valley bar, throwing it towards him. Lance caught it against his chest before he moved to unwrap the crumbly food. “Can I ask ya somethin’?”

“Anything,” Lance replied, taking a bite out of the bar. “You know that.” He followed her over towards the bench at the side of the room. Annaleigh dropped down onto the bench, sitting across from him. He watched as she messed with the water bottle in her hands. He loudly chewed for a moment, bringing his eyebrows together as he watched her. “What?”

“Do you think that if you weren’t gay you’d be interested in me?” Annaleigh asked. Lance felt his eyes widened. He chewed rapidly before swallowing.

“Ace, I love you, you know that,” Lance said. He used his tongue to clear his teeth of chunks of oat. “You’re my soul mate, I know you are. I think you’re attractive, and sassy, and funny, and smart, and motherly, and so many other qualities that would take hours on end to describe and I’m running the risk of inflating your ego. Any guy would be crazy to not be interested in you. But for me, it’s different. I think I’d be interested as your friend and learn what it is that you want in life and support you enough to believe that you can achieve it.”

“I want to wake up every day and be normal,” Annaleigh replied. Lance took another bite out of the bar before holding it out towards her. She set her water bottle down and leaned forward to take a bite, making a show of chewing loudly with her mouth open, causing Lance to laugh.

“Your Gammaw would kill you if she saw your lack of manners,” Lance commented.

Annaleigh smiled as she swallowed. “I want to make music and have a family, and eventually be a mother and a wife, and to stop feeling like I don’t deserve any of it,” she continued her explanation. “I want to know that you’ll always be by my side.”

Lance wanted to reassure her that he would be, but as he felt the familiar fluttering in his chest, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. “I want what you want,” he said to her. “I want a family, and to feel normal, and I want to be there for you as much as I can,” Lance replied, “but you need to realize that that’s not always going to be my job as your friend.”

“I know,” Annaleigh replied, taking another swig from the water bottle.

“Darren’s been there for you more than I ever could, but I think that’s because he’s really the best one to help you with this. I mean he was there for you when your mom left,” Lance explained. He then peered at her, tilting her head to the side. “You never told me…how did her visit go?”

“Weirdly,” Annaleigh replied, wrinkling her nose. “I got the vibe all over again that somethin’ was goin’ on that they weren’ tellin’ me and Gabriel, but whatever it was, I don’ think they said.”

“Do you think they’re—“

“Getting’ back together?” Annaleigh asked, her eyebrows shooting up. “No way. They were too polite around each other.  You know, with those smiles that you’d find in dentist adds?” She gave an over the top, bright, toothy smile and Lance made a face.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Lance said, waving a hand in the air. “Jus’ stop!” Annaleigh laughed, dropping the smile. Lance’s smile faded for a moment. “I think what I really want, is to show people that I’m just like them, just…gay. Like Stace said, I just need to knock some sense into them.” He flexed his tape covered fingers as if to prove his point.

“You want ta beat people up to get your point across?” Annaleigh asked.

“No, I want to defend myself; my life, who I am,” Lance replied with a shake of his head. “That guy thought he could knock me down just because he thinks he’s better than me. I don’t want to have my parents worry about me all the time and I definitely don’t want them to get another call that someone beat up their gay son. They’re already worried enough about me; I just want to be as normal as you want to be.”

“Well, if you can do it, I can do it,” Annaleigh said, holding her hands out towards him. “One for all—“

“And all for one,” Lance replied, slapping his palms down onto hers before taking her hands, gently squeezing them.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Annaleigh.”

“Yeah, James, same here,” Annaleigh replied, squeezing his hands as well. Lance felt a pang in his chest, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. She then patted his knee before getting to her feet. “God knows you won’t get this combo down without me.”

Lance rolled his eyes as he got to his feet and Annaleigh stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, giving him a tight hug. “And for the record; I love you, too,” she said into his chest. Lance wrapped his arms around her, hugging her back as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

 

-08-

“Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen.” Lance managed to gasp out a number with every breath he took as he worked through his push-ups at Hollywood Gym.

Despite the fans in the fitness center showering him with cool air, he felt himself burning up. Sweat rolled down the curve of his back, dripped off his forehead and nose and onto the floor. The yellow tape wrapped around his hands stated to bunch up underneath his palms. His arms started to burn as he lowered himself to the floor, slower and slower the more push-ups he did. He paused to balance himself on one hand, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

He could feel his chest muscles stretching and relaxing each time he lowered himself to the floor. He pushed himself up, holding himself up in starter position, to let out a breath of air, his stomach swelling as he did so. Squeezing his eyes shut, gritting his teeth, he slowly lowered himself to the floor. Digging his fingernails into the cushy, sweaty, mat beneath him, he pushed himself up to his last push up.

A small beep hit the air and Lance dropped down onto the mat, letting out a groan. “Not bad,” Annaleigh commented as a pair of purple kickboxing boots filled his vision. He rolled onto his back to look up at her, breathing heavily. “32 in a minute. That’s better than last time. Hell, it’s more than I could do on any given day.”

Lance barely managed to lift his hand into a thumbs up. Annaleigh let out her usual tinkling laugh before moving to sit down next to him, adjusting the straps of her sports bra. “Sit up, James, y’know how bad that is for ya,” she said to him, prodding her finger into his shoulder. “Ya need ta let yer heart rate slow down safely an' naturally.”

“And I can do that lying down,” Lance replied, keeping his eyes closed. He sucked in a breath of air, his stomach swelling, chest expanding, before he let out his breath of air.

“Do you want to spar or not?” Annaleigh asked and Lance’s eyes popped open. He had been waiting to hearing those words since he started training. He wanted to jump in the ring, gain some experience and to be able to defend himself if anyone were to want to pick a fight with him.

Lance pulled himself into a sitting position, the skin around his barely here abs rippling as he did so. He pulled a face as his muscles burned from all of the crunches and sit ups he had done earlier. It was slow moving, but he could see changes with his body. He was gaining more muscle mass and his shoulders were becoming broader.

“I thought that’d get ya,” Annaleigh said with a grin, reaching out for his hand. Lance put his hand into hers and allowed her to help him to his feet. “Come on, let’s change your tape.”

Lance rolled his shoulders, swinging his arms before following her to where they had abandoned their bags. He reached inside for his water bottle, popping open the top before squirting a long stream into his mouth. He closed his eyes as the cool water slid down his throat with a swallow, cooling his chest and his stomach from the inside out.

“So, someone’s birthday is coming up this week,” Lance said as he set his water bottle down, starting to peel the yellow tape off of his hands. His warm, sweaty hands hit the cool air and he waved it in the air, trying to cool down. “The big 25.”

“I’m going to be alive for a quarter of a century,” Annaleigh commented, pulling the elastic band out of her hair. “That’s not scary at all.”

“For the world, maybe,” Lance replied and Annaleigh laughed.

“I don’t know what I want to do,” she said, answering his question with a shrug of her shoulders. She reached for her towel and started rubbing her damp hair with it. “Hang out at home, hang with friends. Mom and dad say they want to take Gabe and me out for dinner one of the days they’re in town.”

“Elizabeth, too?” Lance asked, referring to Gabriel’s mom. Lance had found out about Annaleigh’s half-brother right before she traveled to Florida to audition for the NSYNC band.

It was hard for him to keep it a secret from her, especially when their first show of the No Strings Attached Tour was held in Mississippi. He had first met Gabriel’s mom, Elizabeth, that same night. But, it was Johnny that had explained everything to him and had asked him to keep the now even bigger secret. The revelation had caused a rift between the two of them for a little while, as he had been backed into a corner into telling her the truth.

“I don’t know,” Annaleigh replied with a shake of her head. “Gabe hasn’t seen her a lot since we decided to give this music thing a shot. What with our constant travelling.”

“How’s that going, by the way?” Lance asked.

“Well, all the churches we’ve been to have reacted positively to our music, but we’re still trying to get signed,” Annaleigh replied with a heavy sigh, reaching into her bag for her roll of tape. “We’ve been talking to JC about working on demos around helping him with his music while we have the studio time.”

“That’s great,” Lance said with a smile.

He remembered when she used to be terrified to sing in front of people she didn’t know; only being comfortable singing in front of her friends, family, and the congregation back at their church in Clinton. It was almost like pulling teeth, trying to convince her to branch out with her musical talent. She had even penned some demos for NSYNC albums, one of them (Do Your Thing) even appeared on the Celebrity album being co-written with J Moss and JC.

“Yeah, but I don’ think I ever realized how hard it is to get signed,” Annaleigh replied, making a brief face. “I never asked y’all ‘bout it. It jus’ kinda fell into your lap, though.” She closed one eye, briefly making a face. “I mean…I know y’all worked hard throughout your careers! I meant—“

“It’s fine, Ace,” Lance said with a chuckle, shaking his head. “You’re one of the few that know how hard we work.” He then waved his hand in the air. “Why do you think you’re having trouble getting signed?”

“Gabe and I haven’t decided on if we’re goin’ with alternative-rock or country rock all the while keeping our Christian faith in our music,” Annaleigh replied with a shrug. “He’s got a good country voice, but I think we mix our voices better with our alternative music.”

“You’ve got a good country voice, too though,” Lance replied. All those times listening to, and singing along with, Garth Brooks and Reba McEntire, she had developed a country twang that was all her own. “I’m sure it’ll all work out. Have you asked your dad what he thought?”

“We’re doin’ a song with him, actually,” Annaleigh said, her eyes widening in excitement. “A lot of people have been askin’ for it for a while, so we’re writin’ one together. He’s going to the studio with us.”

Lance let out a low whistle. “That’d be the first song he’d be releasing in a few years, isn’t it?” he asked and she nodded her head in agreement. ”That’s amazing. I’m happy for you guys.” Annaleigh gave a smile of thanks as she reached into her bag for her gloves. “I’ve…been thinking of getting back into music, too.”

“What?” Annaleigh asked, her jaw dropping as an excited look crossed her face. “Are you serious?” Lance couldn’t help but laugh at her excitement. He nodded his head repeatedly and she shoved his shoulders, nearly knocking him off of the bench. “Well shut my mouth. When? How?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” Lance replied. “Nothing made me happier than performing. When things were hard with Jake I found myself writing again.” He felt a bubble of excitement building in his chest. She was the first person he told about his music. He hadn’t even told Darren or Joey yet.

“Well, maybe you can write ‘bout how all this has affected you,” Annaleigh suggested, twisting her hair up into a ponytail before sliding her hands into her gloves. “Coming out, I mean.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Lance agreed. He quickly re-taped his hands and fastened his gloves around them before retrieving his boots from his bag. He slapped his gloves together with a loud clap and made his way over to the ring sitting in the middle of the room.

“You sure?” Annaleigh asked, following him. “You’re lookin’ a little pale.” Lance craned his neck to look into one of the many mirrors that lined the walls. His skin was flushed pink, but he looked ok. He stopped every once in a while faking a cramp or needing whatever whenever he felt…off. He thought he was doing a good job hiding it. She gave him a charming smile. “You’re not scared ta fight a girl, are ya?”

Lance just chuckled, reflecting the teasing remark as he climbed into the ring. He swung his arms, pacing around in a small circle as Annaleigh rolled her head on her shoulders as she took a corner. “No head shots,” she called over to him, lifting her leg, grasping her ankle to stretch her hamstrings. “We’re goin’ ta do a semi contact match to get an idea of what is natural for ya; light touches. The only illegal targets are the neck, throat, groin, back, and joints. Otherwise, fair game. Bet?”

“Bet,” Lance replied with a nod of his head. He barely had gotten the word out of his mouth when she lunged towards him, jabbing her glove covered fist at his side. Lance quickly stepped out of the way, keeping his hands up by his jaw.

He fought back as well as he could with quick jabs and punches, finding himself quickly sliding into a natural and comfortable stance. He was as light on his feet as he could make himself, landing a couple of hits on Annaleigh. His heart rammed in his chest as adrenaline rushed through his body. He was protecting himself well, ducking and jumping at the right moment.

It felt amazing.

It felt natural.

It felt…right.

“And here I thought you two fought with your words.” Lance turned at the familiar voice and groaned when Annaleigh jabbed his arm with her fist.

“Always keep your guard up, Lance-A-Snot,” Annaleigh said in a sing-song voice before making her way over to the side of the ring where Joey and his daughter, Brianna were standing. “Joe-Joe!”

“I knew you were training him, Ace, but I didn’t think you were being serious,” Joey said with a bit of a laugh.

“Why don’t you try it?” Lance asked with a tired laugh. He let out a deep breath of air, his shoulders slumping. “Might lose some of that weight.”

“Noooo,” Annaleigh protested as Joey rolled his eyes, laughing all the while. “Then he won’t be the cuddly Teddy Bear.” She climbed out of the ropes before giving him a hug. “Hey Joe.”

“Auntie Anna,” Brianna said with a wide smile, standing on her tip toes, holding her arms out in the air for a hug.

“Bumble Bee.” Annaleigh put her hands into Brianna’s armpits, lifting her up into the air before giving her a tight hug. “Hi.”

“How’re you doing, Fatone?” Lance asked, removing the gloves from his hand, making his way over towards the edge of the ring.

His vision suddenly pitched and he stumbled forward, gripping the ropes as his knees buckles. His heart pounded in his chest. Lance sucked in a deep breath of air and held it for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut. He let his breath out in a rush of air and his heart gave another hard slap in his chest before he was suddenly drained of energy.

“You ok?” Joey asked, the smile still on his face, yet faded just slightly. He gently hit Lance’s arm before offering his hand towards him. Lance lifted his head, slapping his hand into Joey’s before they bumped fists.

“Yeah,” Lance replied with a nod of his head. “I’m alright. Just…winded.” He put a smile to his face, and slowly made his way out from between the ropes. He sat down on the edge of the ring, giving his goddaughter a smile. “Hey, Brianna.”

“Hi, Uncle Lance,” Brianna said, giving Lance a small wave, refusing to let go of Annaleigh as she hooked her legs around the older woman.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Lance said with a small laugh, shaking his head as he removed the gloves from his hand. “Don’t want to hang out with your godfather. That’s fine with me.” He bowed his head and pretended to cry, sniffing loudly, allowing his shoulders to shake.

“Uncle Lance, you’re not really crying,” Brianna called out.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Lance agreed, lifting his head, stopping the theatrics. He got to his feet and stepped over to the small girl, loudly kissing her on the cheek, making her giggle. “You in town for Ace’s birthday?”

“No, I’m in town for her birthday cake,” Joey replied, rubbing his stomach with a wide smile. “Chocolate right, Firecracker?”

“You know it wouldn’ be a birthday without chocolate cake, Joe-Joe,” Annaleigh replied with a wide smile. “Everybody else will be havin’ funfetti.” Joey licked his lips, the smile never leaving his face. Annaleigh laughed, moving to give him a one-armed side hug. “Thanks for comin’ down and bringin’ Brianna.” She balanced Brianna on her hip. “Is Kelly here, too?”

“She had work, but she’ll be in tomorrow,” Joey replied.

“Well then, why don’ I take Brianna off your hands for a coupla hours and have a girls’ day?” Annaleigh offered. Brianna let out a cheer, hugging Annaleigh tightly before giving Joey a pleading look, sticking out her bottom lip. “Jus to t beach. I’ll take her home first and have Gabriel watch her while I take a quick shower.”

“Beach, beach, beach,” Brianna chanted.

“Just don’t fill her up with junk food from the pier again,” Joey said with a nod of his head. Brianna let out another cheer before wiggling in Annaleigh’s arms before she was set down on the ground. She then rushed over to Joey’s side, giving him a hug.

“Would I do that?” Annaleigh asked, widening her eyes in innocence. She clicked her tongue. “Shoot, you’d jus’ be upset you didn’ get any.”

“Damn straight,” Joey replied as Brianna skipped over to Lance. Lance gave the small girl a tight hug before gently pushing her towards Annaleigh.

“This’ll actually work out, I need to get some details of your birthday gift down,” Lance said, watching as Annaleigh’s eyes lit up. Christmas or her birthday, she always seemed to revert back to a kid in a way with how much she got excited for it. He then looked over at Joey. “Let’s roll.”

After quickly packing up their things, the group of four broke off into two small groups; Annaleigh and Brianna heading towards the beach, and Lance and Joey heading into town. On the way, Joey kept going on and on about Lance’s sparring with Annaleigh, but he was barely paying attention.

He was slowly breathing in and out of his mouth, tightening and loosening his grip on the steering wheel, trying to will some more energy into his arms. Just holding them up to the steering wheel was taxing.

“So where are we going?” Joey asked as Lance as he maneuvered his car through the city streets.

“An art store called Bello,” Lance replied. “I’m getting Ace a new guitar, and I want to put a design on it. I heard this place could scan or paint it on.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders as he came up to a red light, pressing his foot hard on the brake pedal.

“I’m glad you’re doing well, Lance,” Joey said, gently hitting his friend on the arm. “We were all worried, you know? Haven’t heard from you in a bit, apart from what Ace told us, anyway.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Lance muttered in reply. “Just been busy.”

“It’s understandable,” Joey replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “I haven’t heard from JC or Justin in a while. Hope to change that Anna’s party, but that’s ok.”

Lance nodded in agreement. Justin, JC, Chris, and Joey were like his brothers. He fully supported them in whatever they wanted to do, and he knew that they would support him. They lost touch for a little bit, sending an e-mail or a text here or there, but whenever they had enough time to actually get together; it was as if no time had passed.

And he missed that. He let out a sigh through his nose. And he would continue to miss that if….He shook his head, trying to shake the thought out of his brain. He wasn’t going to think about it. Not now.

“I heard of this place from one of my friends in town,” Lance explained to Joey as they pulled up in front of the small store. “He got a lot of his art for his house from here.” Joey made a humming sound in the back of his throat as he climbed out of the car.

Lance stretched his arms as he made his way into the art shop with Joey following behind him, tugging  on the brim of his hat. His muscles were starting to tighten up and get sore from his work out. He was sure he was going to feel Annaleigh’s punches on his body for the next couple of hours. He ran his knuckles over his arms, the pain of massaging his muscles hurting in the best way. A chime rang as they stepped over the welcome mat. A blast of cool air hit Lance in the face and he involuntarily let out a sigh.

Joey let out a low whistle as they passed frame after frame of paintings. “This stuff is cool,” he said, stepping over to a painting. “Hey, check this out, Lance.”

Lance made a U-turn in his path towards the back counter to look at what it was that Joey was standing in front of. “Whoa,” he whispered, stepping up beside his friend. An outline of a king’s crown was painted in black on the canvas. The background was painted a hunter green color with blue paint dripping down it. The word royal was written over and over again in a slanted, yet regal-like handwriting. “I haven’t ever seen anything like it.”

“Thanks,” a voice called from the back of the store, causing the two of them to jump. “I made that one.”

Lance exchanged glances with Joey and turned to see a man standing at the end of the aisle they were standing in. He had a red apron surrounding his body, covered in splotches of paint. “Can I help you with something?” he asked.

“My friend—“ Lance stopped when Joey loudly cleared his throat. “Sorry. Our friend, Annaleigh’s, birthday is coming up and we were hoping you could help us out.”

“Come on back,” the man said, waving his hand in the air, motioning for them to follow him. “I hope we can help you out, today.” He moved to stand behind a glass case filled with pictures taken of strangers at various photo sessions. He folded his hands on the counter and gave the two of them a smile. “So, what can I do for you?”

The man had dark somewhat curly hair, piled up on the top of his head, longer near the front and shorter at the sides. Stubble lined his jaw and covered his upper lip. His dark brown eyes shifted back and forth between the two of them as he waited for an answer.

“You said this was a birthday gift, right?” the man asked. “Do you already have an idea of what you want?” Lance parted his lips just slightly, the sound of air sliding past his lips, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t think he could. The man was handsome.

“Well, our friend is a musician,” Joey explained, clapping his hands together. “She plays the bass and we thought we could surprise her with a new design on her guitar.”

“We already have an idea on the design, so we were wondering if you’d be able to put a picture onto the guitar for us,” Lance continued, his eyebrows slowly lowering. “Do you know if that’s possible?” He leaned forward slightly to peer at the nametag the man was wearing. “Michael?”

Michael peered back at Lance, his lips twitching upwards into a smile of amusement before he brushed his hair back with his hand. “I know a lot of things,” he commented with a sigh through his nose. “I know how to get a free hot dog from Pink’s, I know when’s the best time to head to the beach before all the crowds come in, and I know how to get a print onto a guitar.”

“A simple ‘yes’ would’ve sufficed,” Lance replied after a moment of silence, making a face.

“Is there anything specific you want on it?” Michael asked, reaching underneath the counter. He retrieved a sheet of paper and a pencil, slapping the latter down onto the counter with a loud clack. He massaged his fingers before popping them and then gripped the pencil between his two fingers, tapping the tip on the piece of paper.

“Uhh, the outline of Mississippi with the words ‘Little Miss’ arching through it in quotations,” Lance explained, “going along with the curve of the guitar. Then the words Sweet Pea on the end, also going along with the curve of the guitar, and in that empty space, a pair of cowboy boots—“

“Like this?” Michael asked, turning the paper around to show Lance. Lance blinked rapidly before staring down at the picture of a hand drawn guitar with everything he had requested on it, angled diagonally across the paper to fit. “Any colors you have in mind or just want it all outlined in white?”

“Uhhh,” Lance drawled out, trying to find his words. He was not expecting a picture to be drawn up so quickly let alone to that caliber. Even the font for the letters was done better than the standard writing he could think of.

“Do you want a background or…?” Michael trailed off, waving his hand in a circle in the air. He then gave Lance an amused look. “I can see you’ve thought this through.”

“Funny,” Lance commented, making a face at him. Michael just shrugged his shoulders, his lips pulling back to form a small grin.

“What’s this girl’s favorite color?” Michael asked, hiking an eyebrow.

“How’d you know it was for a girl?” Lance asked.

“Well, for one thing,” Michael replied with a sigh, tapping the tip of the pen against the counter top, “I don’t know a lot of guys that would willingly have anyone call them ‘Sweet Pea’ or ‘Little Miss’, gay or straight.” Lance shifted his weight from foot to foot, adjusting the collar of his shirt. “Cowboy boots are becoming a fashion statement with the girls around here. With the things you want on here, she has to be a Southern Belle and for another, I know you don’t play the guitar, Lance.”

“How do you…” Lance trailed off, clearing his throat, letting his question die on his lips. Who didn’t know of him at this point? Either he was known because of *NSYNC or because of the news as of late. Either way, he knew he’d have people knowing his name for the rest of his life. Michael gave him a second amused look, his eyebrows twitching just slightly. “Green.”

Michael glanced at him for a moment, looking like he was going to say something else, but kept his mouth shut. He let out a short laugh through his nose, his lips twitching up into a brief smile as he reached underneath the counter. He slapped a pack of colored pencils down onto the counter before removing the green. “Don’t blame her.”

“Uhhh.” Lance didn’t know what to say, but an ache had started to form in his stomach as his heart quickly leapt in his chest. He curled and uncurled his fingers, tapping them on the sides of his pants leg.

“You’re not one to talk much after a compliment, are you?” Michael asked with a laugh, starting to shade a swatch of green on the paper. He glanced up at Lance a couple of times before reaching for the yellow and blue.

Lance felt himself blush, his body suddenly overtaken by a rush of heat. Truth be told, he wasn’t used to being complicated by a guy. Not since he had broken up with Jake. Or rather not ever since Jake had broken up with him. Not only that, but he wasn’t sure what he was being complimented on.

“I made you nervous or I embarrassed you,” Michael observed, bowing his head, letting out a small laugh. “I apologize.”

“No, uh, don’t worry about it,” Lance quickly replied, his voice higher pitched than when he usually talked. He felt his lips curl up into a smile. Michael’s smile got a bit wider.

“So, for this girl’s birthday, jewelry can’t go wrong,” Michael commented. “I’m going to shamelessly plug my sister, Lauren, for this. She’s been designing some jewelry lately and I’ve been trying to get some of her first few things sold.” He put his hands up defensively. “And if you don’t like it, she can help you pick something out.”

Lance chuckled. “Actually, I’m going to let my friend, Darren, cover that,” he replied. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “The two have been interested in each other for years and haven’t done a thing about it. I mean, I’ve tried to get them together, but they’re too stubborn.”

“That’s an understatement,” Lance heard Joey mutter under his breath.

“Ehhh, I’ve learned not to rush these things,” Michael said, shading in the blue and yellow into the green, making the green a darker color, but also bringing out a brightness to the color as well. His eyes flickered up towards Lance a couple of times, narrowing just slightly as he continued to color in the perfect shade of green. “If it happens, it happens. If they still like each other this much after…” He trailed off. “How long have they known each other?”

“Since they were kids, basically,” Lance replied.

“Oh, yeah, they’re soul mates for sure,” Michael said with so much conviction that Lance couldn’t help but laugh. He lifted his head and brushed his hair to the side. “You and her, too. I’m assuming you’ve known her for the same amount of time.” Lance nodded his head. “I thought so.”

“You know all that just by looking at me?” Lance asked.

“And listening to what you you’re saying,” Michael replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Being an artist, it’s important to listen to what people say. So, when do you need this done?”

“By the end of the week,” Lance replied, tapping his fingers on the edge of the glass case. Michael hummed to himself as he wrote done the date on the slip of paper. “I can bring in her guitar in an hour or two.”

“Ok,” Michael replied, straightening, scratching the side of his nose. “I have some smaller projects to do this week, but I can move that up and get it done first.” He tilted his head back and forth as he thought. “I can have it done by Thursday.”

“Really?” Lance asked, feeling his eyes widen.

“Sure,” Michael replied with a half smile. “Because it’s your best friend’s birthday and if she’s as much of a Southern Belle as this design entails, she will kill you if you don’t have anything for her.” Lance laughed along with him, knowing that it was true. She wasn’t dubbed “Firecracker” by Joey for nothing.

Annaleigh could charm practically anybody, but if you made her mad enough, it made you wish you never opened your mouth. And she had a way of insulting you without realizing that you had in fact been made fun of. But, it was how she had been taught, she never started fights, but she knew how to finish them.

“Thanks so much,” Lance said, offering him his hand. “Lance Bass.”

“Michael Turchin,” Michael replied, sliding his hand into Lance’s shaking his hand in a firm grip.

“And I’m Joey,” Joey spoke up, lifting his hand in the air. “In case either of you cared.” Lance reached out his hand, slapping the brim of Joey’s cap, knocking his cap upwards off his head. Joey adjusted his hat, grinning from ear to ear before he turned on his heels making his way out of the art shop.

“Thanks again,” Lance said as he started backing away from the counter. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”

“See you then,” Michael replied.

Lance turned to follow his friend out of the art shop. “Would you wait up?” Joey chuckled as he pulled open the passenger seat door, climbing into Lance’s car. Lance let out a teasing huff of annoyance as he made his way around to the driver’s seat

“I was just giving you some space,” Joey explained as Lance climbed into the car, slamming the door shut behind him. “See if you could make a love connection or something.”

“Ha!” Lance let out a loud laugh. “Yeah, nice one, Joe.”

“What?” Joey asked, widening his eyes in innocence. “You should ask him to go to Ace’s birthday party, deliver the gift himself.”

“Why would I do that?” Lance asked.

“You heard him, he’s working in the shop by himself for a couple of days,” Joey replied and then let out a deep laugh, “and he was obviously into you.”

“No, he wasn’t,” Lance replied with a shake of his head. “He was…” Annoying? Different? Interesting? All of the above? “I-I mean, what reason would I need him to be at Ace’s party for?”

“Tell him that there’ll be cake,” Joey replied with a shrug.

“Joey.”

“Chocolate cake.”

“Joey.”

“Who makes their own birthday cake anyway?” Joey asked, a thoughtful look crossing his face as he rubbed his chin. Lance let out a heavy sigh, slumping in his seat. Once Joey started on a subject, it was hard to get him off of it. “I mean, Firecracker’s a great cook, so I know the cake will be good but—“

“JOEY!” Lance shouted, interrupting his friend. Joey blinked, startled at the loud outburst. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, glancing into the store’ s window, watching as Michael made his way into the back of the store. “Shoot, if it means that much to ya, I’ll think ‘bout invitin’ him.” He pointed a warning finger in Joey’s face. “But, ya don’ invite a stranger to a party for cake.”

Joey gave him a curious look.

“…You invite him for cake an’ ice cream,” Lance muttered before he started up the car. Joey tilted his head back, letting out a loud cackle. “I ain’t sayin’ I’m gonna do that either.”

“Sure,” Joey replied. “Whatever you say.”

 

 

-9-

Lance heard Brianna’s giggling before he came to his senses and realized that she was sitting on his back. He felt something cold and wet on his cheek and flinched jut slightly, the giggling sounding more gleeful. Cracking open an eye, he groaned in the back of his throat when the bright sunlight hit his face.

“Uncle Lance.” Brianna’s sweet voice floated to his ears. “Are you awake?”

“I am now,” Lance replied, slowly rolling over, being careful not to buck her off of him. He moved to rest his back against the arm rest of the couch, propping up his legs to hold his goddaughter in place. He wiped at his cheek with his arm. “What was that?”

“Popsicle,” Briana replied, lifting the cherry red cold treat to her mouth. “You were asleep.”

“I know,” Lance replied, giving her a smile. He lifted his arms to tickle her sides, but instantly dropped them back down to his sides, feeling the energy rush out of them. They felt like sandbags were pushing down on them and all he did was lift his arms. Lance closed his eyes for a brief moment, letting out a sigh through his nose.

“Are you going back to sleep?” Brianna asked.

“No, I’m not,” Lance replied, opening his eyes. He gave her a peaceful smile. “Can I have a lick?” He chuckled as he watched Brianna’s face twist into a look of disgust. “No, you have cooties. Boys have cooties.”

“Nuh-uh, girls have cooties,” Lance protested. Brianna shook her head back and forth, hair wildly swinging around her face. Lance laughed out loud before allowing himself to lift his arms to brush her hair out of her face.

With all the working out he has done, he wondered when his muscles would build up enough to get used to all the work. They didn’t hurt as much as they had when he first started out. He could barely lift his legs to climb the stairs to get to sleep, could barely lift his arms to brush his teeth, to lift a glass of juice to his lips, and all he looked forward to was lying down and not moving.

“Where’s your friend?” Brianna asked, suddenly changing the subject. Lance loved the girl to death, but her need to constantly be saying something, was hard to keep up with. She was young, she was at that age where she was curious about everything, which he loved, but she was hard to keep up with at times.

“My friend?” Lance repeated. He gave a teasing smile. “You know Ace is working at the studio today.”

“Noooo, not Auntie Annie, your friend Jake,” Brianna said with a small huff of annoyance. She was a little woman that was for sure. “Daddy says you and your friend got into a fight. Was he your best friend?”

Lance let out a sigh through his nose. In short, the answer was “Yes” Jake was indeed his best friend, but at the same time, no one was closer to him than his *NSYNC brothers, his sister, Annaleigh, and Darren. He and Jake were friends before they started dating, at Lance’s request taking things slow to get to know each other before sliding into a relationship. Things worked well between the two of them, until he got cold feet.

Lance could see where he was at fault in the whole situation. He was happy in his relationship and happy to be out with his closest friends. While he willingly gave his story to People Magazine, he also felt like he had no other choice but to tell the truth or to stay trapped in the corner he had inadvertently been pushed into.

As soon as he hung up after the phone interview he felt a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders, up until he had started to read the negative comments. He had always been worried about what people thought about him whether or not he was gay and whether or not he was famous; everybody did. While he tried to practice what he preached (to focus on the positive and not the negatives) he was only human, and there was only so much he could ignore.

“Yes, he was my best friend,” Lance replied with a nod of his head.

“Well, one time, me and my best friend got into a fight because she pulled the head off of my Barbie doll,” Brianna said through licks of her Popsicle and loud smacks of her lips. “So I pulled off the head of her Troll doll. We were friends again after that.”

Lance let out a loud laugh. “Thanks, Honey Bee, but I don’t think ripping off his head will help,” he said, sitting up, carefully cradling her against his chest as he did so. Brianna just shrugged before sliding off of him, humming to herself as she skipped into the kitchen.

He smiled to himself as he got to his feet, following behind her to find Annaleigh and Joey in his kitchen. Joey was leaning back in a chair, hugging a near empty bowl of cake batter to his chest, and Annaleigh was leaning over the table as she mixed together a chocolate mix.

“Can I lick the spoon?” Lance asked, half-sarcastically, half-truthfully.

“Sure,” Annaleigh replied.

“Hey, you said I could,” Joey said, setting the four legs of his chair down onto the linoleum floor with a thump.

“You have the bowl,” Lance pointed out towards him. Joey widened his eyes as if saying ‘So?’ before making a show of dragging his finger through the bowl of batter, sticking it on his tongue. Lance rolled his eyes as Brianna let out a giggle.

“Here’s a simple way ta deal with this,” Annaleigh said as she lifted the spoon out of the bowl, carefully placing it against the cake pan. She poured the batter into three rounded pans before holding the bowl out towards Lance. “You get this bowl, and Bee gets the spoon.”

“Yayyy,” Brianna cheered, taking the spoon in her free hand before hurrying over to her dad’s side.

He reached down with one arm and lifted her into his lap before pressing a kiss to the back of her head. Lance smiled as he watched the exchange. If there was something he had always wanted, it was to have kids and felt that he was, in a way, taking away from his mother when he had come out to her.

“By the way, you missed a call from your doctor while you was sleepin’,” Annaleigh said. Lance paused, a finger in his mouth. He swallowed the sweet batter before wiping his spit covered finger off on his pants leg. “Said ta call him back as soon as you can.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Lance replied, waving his hand in the air. He didn’t have to look at his friends to know that they were silently exchanging glances. “I had cancelled my appointment for a physical; I just need to reschedule it, that’s all.”

If it only was that simple, Lance thought to himself. Although that did remind him that he did need to get a physical for himself. Then he quickly realized that he would need to avoid doing so for as long as he possibly could. Even at the smallest doctor’s appointments, he regularly got his blood pressure checked; that was sure to be noticeable to…oh, any doctor on the planet.

“Gotta show off those guns, eh?” Joey asked, making a show of flexing the arm muscles of his free hand. “Yeah, can’t keep these puppies strapped in.”

“Is that how you snagged Kelly, Joe?” Annaleigh asked with a small sigh, humoring him.

“Don’ worry ‘bout it,” Joey replied with the best accent he could muster, earning a laugh from everyone in the room with Brianna accenting with a, “Daddy, you’re funny.”

“I’ll call him back while I’m out,” Lance said as he glanced at he turned his wrist to look at his watch.

“Where are you goin’?” Annaleigh asked, giving him a look of confusion.

“Getting your birthday gift,” Lance quickly replied, shooting Joey a warning look. Joey liked seeing people happy and in a lot of instances would ruin surprises due to his excitement to see how happy people would get because of it. “You’re heading into the studio with JC today, right?”

“Right,” Annaleigh replied before removing the apron from around her waist. “I should get goin’ or else I’m goin’ ta get stuck in traffic again.” She set her apron down onto the counter before making her way out of the kitchen. “Joey, the only thin’ I need you to do is to put the cakes into the oven when the stove lights goes off, ok? After they bake for forty minutes, take them out, wait for them to cool, and then put icing on them. “

“I’ll be back in enough time to make sure he doesn’t take a bit out of any of them,” Lance said to her. “Besides, out of the two of ‘em, I think Brianna would be the one you’d really have to worry about.” Brianna just giggled, pressing her red stained, brown rimmed lips together. “Have fun in the studio.”

“Thanks for lettin’ me borrow your kitchen,” she replied, moving to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I’d do it back at the apartment, but Gabriel is worse than Joey when I bake.” Annaleigh quickly shouted a farewell before hurrying out the front door. Lance then turned back towards Joey and pointed a warning finger at him. “I know how you are on a tour bus,” he said to him. “Don’t mess up my house.”

“Am I at least allowed to decorate for the party?” Joey asked, sticking out his bottom lip. Lance felt his lips curl up into a smile.

“Yeah, fine,” Lance replied, waving his hand in the air. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Oh, hey, Lance?” Joey called after him. Lance stopped in the doorway and turned back to face his friend. “I’m sorry about Jake and everything.” He shifted Brianna in his lap as she started to wiggle out of his grasp. “I’m glad you’re doing better.”

“Yeah, me too,” Lance quietly replied, knocking his knuckles on the doorframe. He blinked his thanks to Joey before making his way out of the room.

He hurried to the front door, stopping to slide his feet into his shoes before grabbing his car keys from the jar sitting on the table by the front door. Minutes later, he was on the road, sun shining through his front windshield, singing along to the music playing through Sirius Radio, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel for affect before pulling into the parking lot of Bellos. Just like before a chime went off as he stepped over the threshold, alerting Michael of his presence.

“Hey,” Michael greeted him, setting the canvas and paintbrush in his hands down onto the floor. He wiped his paint covered fingers off on his jeans before he lifted his hand in a wave. “Just in time. I was going to call you about the guitar but then I realized I didn’t have your number. It’s a good thing you dropped by.”

“Oh.” Lance blinked an apology. “Well, you said you’d have the guitar done by today, so…”

“I’m a man of my word.” Michael shrugged his shoulders and it was then that Lance noticed how tight his shirt was against his body. He could practically see the muscles rippling under the fabric. “I said I’d have it done in enough time for you. Let me go get it.”

“Thanks,” Lance replied as he walked up to the back counter. He rapped his knuckles on the glass as Michael made his way into the back room. “What were you working on when I came in? It looked cool.”

“It’s just a start of something,” Michael called back. “I haven’t figured out what exactly, though.”

“Well, if it’s anything else like the other stuff around here, I’m sure it’ll look great,” Lance replied. From where he could see him in the back, Michael paused for a moment to look at him before disappearing around the side of a shelf calling out a “Thanks” in his direction.

“Here you go,” Michael said as he carefully carried the guitar out of the back of the store, handing it to him over the counter. “If she doesn’t like it, we have a money back guarantee—“

“She’ll like it, trust me,” Lance replied in awe as he looked over the guitar. He ran his fingers over the words and pictures, blinking in surprise at how smooth the surface of the musical instrument felt to him. It looked like the outlines of the images were popping off of the guitar. “This is amazing.”

“Well, I hope she likes it,” Michael replied as he moved to the cash register, punching in the price of the work before it spit out a total. “If you could, and you don’t have to…tell me what her reaction is? This is one of the first big projects of this kind I’ve done here.” Lance carefully set the guitar down onto the floor, leaning it up against the counter before he pulled his wallet out of his pocket, passing over a credit card.

“Why don’t you see her reaction for yourself?” Lance slowly asked. Michael paused in taking the small card from Lance, his fingers brushing against his just slightly. A fluttery feeling instantly formed in the pit of Lance’s stomach as he pulled his hand back. He busied himself by sliding his fingers over the strings of the bass guitar. “I mean, if you’re not busy here or anything. Her party is tonight.” He then looked up at him. “We have cake.”

He had to fight the urge to cringe, to make a face at the words that came out of his mouth. Leave it to Joey to still have an influence on him. A stupid one at that. To bribe someone with cake? Really? He wouldn’t be surprised, or blame the guy for thinking that was one of the funniest things he had heard if his half smile was any indicator of that.

“Lucky for me, I love cake,” Michael commented, his eyebrow twitching slightly. “Sure I can come. Better than being alone in this place for another night.” He twisted his mouth to the side slightly. “I’ll just be in a place with people I don’t know, well, apart from you…I guess.” He broke off into a small laugh before sliding the credit card through the reader before handing it back to him. “Are you sure it’s ok? Your friend might not like some random guy at her party.”

“Well…I’m inviting you, so you’re not really random,” Lance replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “If you want to go, I mean.”

“I do,” Michael said, finally giving a bright smile. “Thanks.”

“Sure.” Lance could feel himself smiling as well. Silence fell over the two of them save for the cash register spitting out the receipt for the work done on the guitar. Michael ripped the receipt out of the register before sliding it across the counter top towards him, slapping a pen down next to it. As he signed, Michael slid a blank sheet of paper towards him. “What’s this for?”

Michael merely regarded him for a moment before he chuckled lightly. “I’m going to need your address for the party,” he replied and Lance instantly felt his face heat up. How could he not think of that himself? “And your phone number; just in case I get lost on the way or something.”

“Right, no problem,” Lance replied, moving to quickly scribble out his address and phone number on the slip of paper. He set the pen down with a click and took the second copy of the receipt, sticking it into his wallet. “So, I’ll…see you later, then? Party starts around 5:30.”

“Yeah, I’ll be over right after I close up,” Michael replied, making a popping sound with his ‘p’ as he gave a single nod of his head.

“Great.” Lance reached for the guitar and turned on his heels making his way out of the store.

As soon as he left the store, he let out a breath of air, wishing the sun wasn’t bearing down on him making him burn up even more than he already was. Climbing into the car, he noticed his heart had started beating rapidly. Medical condition be damned.

---

 

“We spent two hours in the studio with ya, an’ ya didn’ say anythin’,” Annaleigh said to JC slowly shaking her head back and forth, pointing her icing covered fork at him. “You’re on my bad list, now.”

“Oof, I remember that from touring,” JC commented, slicing into his piece of cake with his fork. “Chris was barely ever off that list.” He then gave her his usual boyish, charming smile. “Besides, you can blame Lance and Darren for that one; they’ve been working on this for months.”

“Yeah, well they could’ve at least let me in on that we’re celebrating my birthday too,” Gabriel muttered, a look of mock annoyance on his face. “That way I wouldn’t have felt so bad that barely anyone did anything on my birthday.” He then reached over to his sister’s plate and pinched a chunk of cake off her plate, earning a slap on the wrist from her fork.

“No, we’re jus’ celebratin’ the most important birthday,” Annaleigh replied before she stuck her tongue out at him. He did the same; his tongue stained a green-ish color. JC laughed. Gabriel’s birthday being two weeks before hers, they celebrated their birthdays together for a couple of years until work and location made it easier to celebrate separately.

Annaleigh and Gabriel had spent a good deal of time in the studio with JC that day; partly to record some of his tracks before working on their own music. There wasn’t anyone else that would give them studio time to record some demos and they couldn’t get the same kind of quality recording on a computer.

Creating and touring with her own album was something she had always wanted to do and had gotten firsthand experience in what went on with making an album as she worked as part of NSYNC’s live band. Only she had been doing everything in the background, like she always did everything, following in her friends’ footsteps, but never forging a path of her own. Until now. It was easier when she wasn’t front and center.

Luckily, she had friends to help her out. Not that she was taking advantage of JC or Justin and their studio time. She just got some time of her own in compensation for helping them out with their own music. Nevertheless, *NSYNC made making an album look easy.

“Thanks for comin’, C,” Annaleigh said turning back towards him. She looked around the group of party goers--who had about an hour beforehand had surprised the two of them with a surprise party—and spotted Chris Kirkpatrick dancing wildly with Brianna, with Justin standing off in the corner, talking to some other guests. “All of you.”

“Of course,” JC replied. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

Annaleigh gave the best smile she could muster, but it was weird for her to have five boys who were the best friend she could ever have be happy to see each other, but also seem to try and do their best to not talk out how everything had ended. If there was one thing she could say for sure, though, they really meant it when they said that they’d support each other and would always be brothers. She didn’t know how she could doubt that, they had been through a lot together.

“You only turn 25 once,” JC replied with a peaceful smile. “Don’t worry about it.” He then lowered his voice slightly. “So, um, I wanted to thank you for keeping me updated with everything, but I was wondering how he’s doing? He’s been a bit off to me.”

“Why don’ you go over there and ask ‘im yourself, Cowboy?” Annaleigh asked, gently shoving his shoulder. She gave him a small smile, showing that she wasn’t really trying to get rid of him. She was just tired of getting that question over and over again.

“Lance has been a little off,” Gabriel commented as soon as JC was out of ear shot.

“I’ve noticed, too,” Annaleigh replied, looping her arm through her brother’s leaning into his side, steering him into the kitchen. “But, he’s been takin’ on a lot with the kick boxin’.”

“His sudden interest in it, you mean,” Gabriel corrected her. “I mean you had a good reason to start.”

“And he doesn’?” Annaleigh asked. “He wants to be able to defend himself, like me. He got jumped, Gabe.” Gabriel made a face. He hated it when she called him that, and he made it a point to do it as much as possible. “It’d make anyone want to be able to take care of themselves, especially because of the backlash of comin’ out.”

“No, I know,” Gabriel said with a sigh, pushing the kitchen doors open, setting his plate down onto the island. “I’m just worried about him, we all are. Maybe take the training down a notch? He’s been looking pretty tired lately.”

“Yeah, ok,” Annaleigh agreed, making a bee line for the trash can, dropping her paper plate and plastic fork into it, now not in the mood for the cake. She turned and stopped short when she spotted Michael standing at the back of the kitchen, looking out across the vast backyard. “Oh, hi.”

Michael turned, looking as startled as if he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I’m sorry,” he said, running a hand down his shirt front, smoothing it. “I was just…” He trailed off. “I don’t really know anybody in there.”

“That’s ok,” Annaleigh replied, giving him a peaceful smile. “This is my brother, Gabriel and Gabriel this is Michael. He was the one that did the guitar for me. Lance invited him.” Michael shifted his weight from foot to foot, giving a brief smile.

“Oh, wow,” Gabriel said with a smile, offering his hand towards Michael. “That art was really amazing.” Michael took his hand and shook it. “S’great to meet you.”

Annaleigh angled her head in Gabriel’s direction. “You'll hear people call him Briar,” she said to him. “But he usually goes by Gabriel.” Michael’s smile relaxed slightly and he shook Gabriel’s hand harder.

"It's one of my middle names," Gabriel explained with a shrug.

“I was wonderin’ if it’s not too much ta ask, if I could commission you for a painting.”

“Really?” Michael asked, his eyes popping open before a grateful smile crossed his face. “Yeah, of course. Thanks!” He then snapped his fingers. “I kind of heard your conversation…I know a few kick boxers in town…they have a fight going on soon. I can see if I can get tickets for you guys.” He then paused, regaining his composure. “I mean, if you all wanted to go.”

Annaleigh exchanged glances with Gabriel, holding back a smile. He was thinking the exact same thing she was thinking, she was sure: Did he mean, if Lance wanted to go? Whether or not the two of them had noticed, she could sense some sort of connection between the two of them as soon as Lance had introduced him to her. Not that she could blame him, Michael was a very handsome man. Combining that with how shy he was, anybody would be lucky to snatch him up.

“Just, uh, let me know how many tickets to try and get,” Michael said, trailing off as he swung his hands forward to clasp them together. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, we’d be happy to take you up on that offer,” Gabriel said, elbowing Annaleigh in the side. Michael slid his hands into his jeans pockets, smiling a satisfied smile as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

She looked over at him and he gave a small wink, which would probably look more like an eye twitch to anybody else. She was already one step ahead of him, noticing how…natural he looked standing in the kitchen, as if he had been living there for a while.

“Hey, y’alls parents are here,” Darren said as he and Jasmine slipped into the kitchen. Their attendance to celebrate their party was a big surprise to the two of them as their friends had stated that they were busy with work to fly out. “All three of ‘em.”

“I know it’s weird, but that’s not grounds for the face yer makin’ is it?” Annaleigh asked with a laugh, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You wouldn’ be sayin’ that if ya saw who came in after ‘em,” Jasmine said in a grave tone, reaching out her hand to squeeze Annaleigh’s elbow. She then started talking rapid-fire in true Jazzy fashion. “I don’ even think he was invited, I mean no one wants him here, an’ it’s not like anyone here would really be open ta talkin’ ta him, but he insisted on getting the chance ta talk ta ya so—“

“Half the speed, please,” Gabriel said, blinking rapidly, confusion on his face before turning towards Darren.

“Wade’s here,” he replied after a moment of silence.

Annaleigh felt her heart drop into her stomach, but not for the reason a lot of people would probably think. She didn’t harbor any ill feelings towards Wade. Over the course of NSYNC’s No Strings Attached and PopOdyssey tours, she got to know him well and understand his reasons behind his actions. Everyone else just saw the guy who had abused.

“If you want him gone, I can ask him ta leave,” Darren said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

Annaleigh didn't say anything as she stepped past them, making her way back into the party, remembering to lift her hand in a wave in Michaell’s direction.

“If he won’t I will,” Gabriel said, following behind her.

Annaleigh instantly spotted the familiar head of hair that belonged to Wade Robson and made a beeline towards him. She grabbed Wade by the elbow, dragging him from the center of the room, through the foyer, and into the quiet dining room.

“Hey,” Wade said to her as soon as he let her go. “Happy Birthday.” He handed her the wrapped box that he held in his hands. “There’s a gift for Gabriel too, but I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want it.”

“Yeah,” Annaleigh agreed, setting the box down onto the table. “How’d you even know about this party?”

“Things in Hollywood don’t stay a secret for too long,” Wade replied, reaching up to stroke the hair on his chin. “You know that.” Annaleigh just nodded her head. “I know I came out of the blue but…I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for what I had done to you.”

“You’ve already told me that,” Annaleigh replied, pushing her hair back with her hands. “You know I don’t blame you.” She took a step closer towards him, lowering her voice. “And you know you shouldn’t blame yourself for…you know, being touched when you were a kid.”

“No, no, I know,” Wade replied. He clasped his hands behind his head, letting out a sigh through his nose. “I wanted to apologize for…screwing things up with you. I mean, when I told you it was hard for me to be in a relationship because of it, it wasn’t just a line.” He briefly closed his eyes, letting out a breath of air. “I wanted to apologize to you if I had caused the same thing for you; that same fear.”

Annaleigh stayed silent, peering back at him. That was not what she had expected him to say at all, not that she really could guess what it is that he wanted to say at all. She scratched the back of her neck, looking away from him. She wasn’t afraid she just didn’t have any time for a relationship…for the last four years. She was focused on her job, on her music that was all.

She could only believe herself for so long, or try to convince others. But, it wasn’t just him. Her parents’ marriage had fallen apart, and Lance and Jake weren’t together anymore, and then everything with her and Wade…and all because someone hurt the other. Who’s to say she wouldn’t end up doing that to someone she loved? She didn’t think the risk was worth it although if anyone else thought the risk was worth the reward, more power to them.

“I…thanks,” Annaleigh replied, taken aback for a moment. “Wade, you didn’t have to come here to tell me that…and risk getting a beat down from, well, everybody.”

When everything had come to light, and she had told *NSYNC that she wasn't going to press charges or antyhing, they all rightfully had gotten mad and tried to talk her out of it, but she didn't explain everything ot them. She trusted that their trust in her was enough.

He still worked with them for the PopOdyssey/Celebrity tour and with that album, but their friendship had changed. It was a bit more tense, but they still viewed Wade as family and they still had that work ethic with him that resulted in success. As they drifted apart, they didn't talk to him as much, and Wade buried himself in his work.

“Yes, I did,” Wade said with a nod of his head. “It’s part of my therapy.” Annaleigh gave him a confused look. “I’ve finally taken your advice and getting help. I’m talking about it, and I said that I’d apologize to everybody I hurt so…” He opened his arms as if saying ‘ta da’, giving her a tight lipped smile.

“I’m glad you’re getting help, Wade, but I don’t think I can get them to stop being worried,” Annaleigh replied, waving her hand in the air, indicating the other side of the house. He put his hands up, shaking his head back and forth before gently grasping her arms.

“You don’t have to,” Wade replied, “in fact I don’t expect you to or expect them to forget what I did. Not for a while, maybe not ever.”

He removed his hands from her arms, and crossed his own arms over his chest. Annaleigh lifted a hand to rub at her arm, trying to rid herself of the feeling of…well she didn’t know what. A muscle in his jaw twitched and he bowed his head slightly before looking back up at her.

“That’s not you, Wade,” Annaleigh said, shaking her head back and forth. “You’re not what you did. You’re an amazin’ choreographer and dancer and it’s somethin’ you live for. I wasn’ goin’ ta take that from you, which is why I didn’ say anythin’ ta Johnny. And you know I didn't fully tell the guys.”

“And I appreciate that more than you know, but, it’s not fair that you allowed me to keep my dream, but I took yours away,” Wade replied. Annaleigh gave him a confused look. “Remember when I had made a comment about you wearing cowboy boots all the time and trying to stick to your Mississippi roots as much as you could?”

“Yeah, I said that you could take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl,” Annaleigh replied with a nod of her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “And I proved that you could do any dance in cowboy boots.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the memory. They hadn’t gotten off on the right foot when she first joined NSYNC, due to her tight grip on the rules of joining the band and how she had been raised, but somehow he had worn her down and their arguments became less of a serious thing and more of a way to flirt.

“So maybe you were more right than you think,” Wade replied and Annaleigh gave him a confused look. “I think you were born to do a lot with your music, not here in California, but back in Mississippi.” Annaleigh opened her mouth to protest, but he kept going. “You told me you wanted to get married at this age, maybe even have a kid, and have your own little family, and be able to support yourself with your music.”

“And I’m working on part of that,” Annaleigh said, her voice a little higher pitched than normal, defensive. She cleared her throat and tried again. “It’s all jus’takin’ a little longer than I thought.”

“You’re not working on the part that’s most important to you, though,” Wade replied, running a hand over his mouth. “You’re a family person, Anna, I know it. If you don’t allow yourself to have someone to share your success with, then what’s the point?” Annaleigh shifted her gaze towards the floor. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how things were going with me and to apologize again and…to make sure you don’t live in fear as long as I do. So, I’ll go now.”

“Wade…” Annaleigh grabbed his shirt sleeve as he moved past her. He silently peered over at her before stepping towards him, wrapping her arms around his stomach in a hug. Wade stood frozen for a moment before hugging her back. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Wade replied, just as quietly as she said to him. He took a step back from her before indicating the box. “You can open that whenever. You always said never to go to someone’s house empty handed so...”

“I’m surprised you even remember a word I said to you, Mr. Horny-Teenager,” Annaleigh said with a small laugh as she reached for the box. He started making his way to the foyer and she followed him.

“I remember when you were too embarrassed to udder that word,” he commented, reaching for the door knob.

Annaleigh chuckled as she pulled off the wrapping paper to the box. She lifted the top and reached inside to pull out the string to the dream catcher that sat beside a smaller gift wrap covered box. Her lips curled up into a smile as she looked it over.

“It’s beautiful Wade, thank you,” she said, shifting her eyes from the gift to him. “I mean it.”

“I know,” Wade replied as he pulled open the door. “Tell everyone I said ‘hi’.” He sucked in a breath of air, his eyebrows twitching. “Or not.”

“Bye,” Annaleigh replied, setting the dream catcher back into the box.

She lifted her hand in a small wave before placing it on the door, gently closing it behind him. She let out a heavy sigh as she turned to rest her back against the cool door, looking out over those who wanted to spend the day with her and her brother.

Her mouth twisted to the side as her eyes fell on Darren; the one dream she didn’t think she could ever catch. She glanced down at the dream catcher in her hands. She had done too much waiting for her dreams to find her. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, and she knew it was going to be scary, but it was time.

She was going to chase after her dreams and finally catch up to them when they had forever felt out of reach.

-10-

Each breath Lance held in his burning chest was expelled in a short burst as he rhythmically lowered himself to the floor before using his burning arms to push himself back up. Once in the air, he quickly timed a clap before gravity pulled his body back down and he repeated the process.

A slick sheen of sweat coated his body, sliding down the curved etched out in his back from his spinal cord, slipping down the slope of his nose, and down the sides of his face. His arms, legs, and muscles burned from his morning workout, his heart hammering in his chest to the beat of the song playing through his room, keeping time with what he was doing.

He blinked the sweat from his eyes, pausing in the push up starting position before settling back on his heels when he spotted a pair of feet in his face. “Dude,” he said with a laugh, reaching up an arm to brush the sweat from his face before peering up at Darren, putting his hands on his hips, “the next time you put your ugly feet in my face, give me a warning.”

“The next time you wanna show off your ugly body, give me a warnin’,” Darren replied in a slow drawl, rolling his eyes. “Woulda knocked, but your door was open.” Lance let out an airy laugh as he got to his feet. He reached for his abandoned shirt and used it to wick away the sweat.

Lance dropped his arms down by his side before sliding a hand over his stomach where he could feel the outline of abs poking through. He overall, felt like he was getting stronger, healthier while sticking with the new workout. He needed it after how much he had pigged out on food and cake at Gabriel and Annaleigh’s birthday party and that was only a few days ago.

Since starting training in kick boxing, he just felt better all around. He felt lighter and lithe; and almost had a spring to his step when he walked. Almost. With the extra muscle weight he was adding onto his legs, it also had more of a stomping feel to it. It was a different feeling, but one he wanted to feel at all times. What he noticed most was that he felt like he had more energy whether it was just in general or more energy to get things done during the day.

In short, he felt great.

But, something about the way his best friend looked at him, made a tight feeling reach his stomach.

“What’s up?” he asked, letting out a breath of air. He swallowed before blinking rapidly when his vision blurred around the edges. He reached out for his dresser, balancing himself, staring at the floor, breaking up the look with various blinks. Whoa. Head rush. He just stood up too fast; that had to be it.

“You ok?” Darren asked, taking a step closer to him. Lance put a hand in the air, nodding his head.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” he replied, slowly straightening, his fingers dragging off the edge of his dresser, tickling the dark wood. He straightened, letting out a short breath through his nose. “What’s going on?”

“Has Ace mentioned anything to you about her conversation with Wade?” Darren asked. “Or her parents for that matter?” Lance sniffed, putting his hands on his hips before shaking his head back and forth.

He pursed his lips just slightly before hiking an eyebrow. “That’s not part of your pillow chat?” he asked, an amused look on his face.

Darren clicked his tongue. “Shoot, we don’t do anythin’, you know that,” he said to his friend. Lance put his hands up defensively. “You really think that’d change by now?” He reached up a hand and scratched at his eyebrow with his thumbnail.

Lance pressed his lips together, all traces of amusement quickly seeping out of his body. It sucked to see his friend so smitten and pine after someone for so long and not make any progress with the object of their desire. And it wasn’t just one of his friends but both of them. He could preach to both of them about just taking the chance until he was blue in the face, but it was really up to them and God to put them in the right place at the right time for things to work out for them. Not only that, but he didn’t have the best track record with romance himself.

First he had harbored a crush on his own band mate, and then had Annaleigh pretend to be his girlfriend throughout the Celebrity Tour so no one would suspect a thing, then after the band went on hiatus (or broke up, whichever way you personally chose to see it) he had a few relationships that didn’t last long, before he met Jake and that all fell apart faster than a tower of Jenga.

He definitely wasn’t one in the position to say “I told you so” or to give any advice on relationships. But, he wanted to see his friends happy and he knew that they were meant for each other. He was amazed at how long Darren could hold on to his feelings for Annaleigh. But, ever since they were kids he always said, “She drives me absolutely crazy at times, but I’m goin’ ta marry her one day. I just know it, just you wait.”

 It was no wonder they had (and occasionally still did) argue a lot when they were younger; keeping their feelings for each other secret was hard. He knew what it was like to have to hold his feelings back and in a way, it was harder for him. Not that he would use that as an excuse to complain about it and not that he’d want to complain about it to begin with.

“If she wants anythin’ to happen she’s going to have ta make the first move this time,” Darren added and Lance gave him a pointed look. “Puttin’ my foot down on this one.”

“Yeah, we’ll see how long you’ll last on that one,” he commented, with a snort. He watched as Darren’s look of confidence cracked just slightly; the glimmer of worry appearing for a brief moment. Lance decided to save him and change the subject. “You think it’s anything we need to worry about?”

“Hard to tell, you know Ace,” Darren replied and Lance nodded his head. “Think it’s something we should talk to Gabe about?”

“At the risk of getting a tongue lashing from her?” Lance asked, a thoughtful look crossing his face. Darren merely shrugged his shoulders. He let out a sigh. “Yeahhh. I’ll ask him about it.”

“Cool,” Darren replied, giving a small thumbs up before leaving the room.

“I could also talk to him about—“

“You do and you’re a dead man, buddy,” Darren warned, lifting his hand in the air to give Lance the finger.

“I could take you, pal,” Lance replied with a grin as he reached up his hands and proceeded to pop his knuckles.

He chuckled before tossing his shirt over his shoulder, the material sticking to his skin immediately on contact. He pulled open his dresser drawer and reached for the t-shirt on the top, pulling out and tossing it onto his bed. He pushed it closed with his thigh and tossed it onto his bed before it was joined by a pair of boxers and a pair of jeans.

After a quick shower, he changed into his clothes, reaching for his shirt when he heard the doorbell ring. He let out a sigh through his nose when he realized that no one was going to go to the door. He grit his teeth just slightly when the door rang a second time, longer. Muttering to himself, Lance made his way down the carpeted hallway at a slight jog before hurrying himself down the stairs.

“Thanks for not getting the door,” he called to the banging pots and pans in the kitchen.

“You’re welcome,” Annaleigh called back.

Lance rolled his eyes before reaching for the door handle with one hand, sliding his other arm up through his t-shirt and through the sleeve. He let out a sigh, opening the door, stopping short when he spotted Michael standing on the front door step. “Oh,” he said, blinking in surprise. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” Michael replied, giving a half smile. His eyes shifted downwards just slightly before quickly flicking back up to Lance’s face. He felt his face, and chest, burn; a white hot line traveling down his torso, following Michael’s gaze.

“Oh! Sorry,” Lance said as he moved to pull his shirt down over his heard. Even if it was for a brief moment, he needed to break eye contact with him. From a quick glance through the neck hole of the shirt, he watched as Michael scratched at his jaw, muttering something that sounded a bit like, “I’m not complaining.” Trying to ignore the accelerated speed his heart was now beating, Lance grasped the hem of his shirt, pulling it down to his waist. He peered over at the man in front of him. “So, what are you doing here?”

Michael slowly blinked, lifting his gaze back up to Lance before he cleared his throat. “Um, Annaleigh had said that you had recently gotten into kickboxing and I told her that I knew a couple people that fought so…” He trailed off, reaching into the back pockets of his jeans before handing him an envelope. “Brought over a couple tickets.”

“Thanks, hon,” Annaleigh said with a sweet smile, stepping up behind Lance, reaching over to take the envelope from his hands. “You’re a peach. How d’you know these guys anyway?”

“Uh, well.” Michael rubbed his hands together before crossing his arms over his chest, rocking back and forth just slightly. “I model from time to time.”

He let out a small chuckle when Annaleigh muttered, being obvious with her looking him over, “That’s not surprising.” Lance’s eyebrows twitched. It wasn’t all that surprising to him either. In fact, it kind of made sense. Explains why you can’t stop looking at him, huh, Lance?

“Yeah, so some of them do kickboxing to help stay in shape and hone their physique between shoots…” he let his sentence trail off at the end and gave a shrug of his shoulders. “Annaleigh thought it’d be a good idea for you to see a fight.” His eyes than narrowed slightly. “You didn’t know, did you?”

“No,” Lance replied simply.

“It’d ruin the surprise if I told you, wouldn’ it?” Annaleigh asked, clapping Lance on the arm. “How many tickets did you say you could get?”

“Four,” Michael replied. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I was hoping for more but…is that ok?”

“Uhh—“

“Perfect,” Annaleigh chirped. “Do you want to stay for breakfast?”

Lance watched as Michael blinked in surprise, opening and closing his mouth before shifting his gaze over towards Annaleigh. She gazed up at him, a smile on her face before lifting her eyebrows into a look of innocence. Lance twisted his mouth to the side, before taking a step back from the door, motioning him inside.

“Please, come in,” he said, putting a smile to his face.

Michael took a small step forward before stopping in his tracks. A light flush crossed his face as he suddenly remembered his manners.“Oh, I couldn’t impose,” Michael replied, with a brief shake of his head. “I’ve already taken up your time, dropping by unannounced and so early.”

“You’ve already come this far,” Lance said with a shake of his head. “I couldn’t let you leave after coming all this way without at least giving you something to eat or drink.” Michael gave a smile of thanks before stepping past him and into the house. Lance pushed the door closed with one hand and used the other to grab the back of Annaleigh’s shirt, stopping her from moving. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Do you?” Annaleigh asked, pursing her lips just slightly. She went to leave again, and Lance gently reached out and grabbed the end of her ponytail. Feeling the gentle tug on the back of her head, Annaleigh spun on her heels to face him, planting her hands on her hips. “You know, I’m not sure what kinda kinky things you and the ex mighta been into, but I don’ like it when my hair is pulled.”

Lance let out a short, mirthless laugh. I knew it was a bad idea for you to spend so much time with Chris and Joey. He fixed her with a look. “Is that only when I do it or is Dare fair game?” Annaleigh gave him an odd look before rolling her eyes.

“We were kids, he was just being annoying,” she replied.

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself with that lie?” Lance asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Ace, it’s basic kindergarten psychology; you got on each other’s nerves because you liked each other.” She sniffed, lifting her eyebrows. Lance sighed before he lifted his hands, running them over his face, through his hair before proceeding to stretch his arms over his head. “Why won’t you give him a chance?”

“Why won’t you drop tha subject?” Annaleigh asked in reply. “And while we’re on tha subject of askin’ questions we most likely won’ get answers to; why won’ you jus’ ask Michael out?”

“I…what?” Lance asked, blinking rapidly as the sudden change of subject mentally unbalanced him. He glanced over towards the kitchen before training his green eyes on his old friend. Annaleigh gave him a look he couldn’t decipher; was it triumph or amusement? Knowing her, it was most likely both. He stepped closer towards her, lowering his voice. “You think he’s gay?”

“I know he’s gay,” Annaleigh replied. Lance’s eyebrows shift upwards so fast he was surprised it didn’t give him a permanent face lift.

“How?” he asked.

“At the risk of givin’ a stereotypical answer, I’m jus’ goin’ ta say, I can tell,” Annaleigh replied, reaching out a hand to pat Lance on the stomach as she sauntered past him. “Oh, by the by.” She turned back around to face him, starting to walk backwards. “The fact that you two were practically havin’ eye-sex when I got to the door was a giveaway.”

“Yeah, it was a really bad idea for you to be anywhere near Joey and Chris,” Lance said, reaching up a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. He let out a sigh through his nose and shaking his head from side to side, made his way back up the wooden stairs.

“I’m not complaining.”

He had to have misheard him. That was it. He barely knew Michael and Michael barely knew him. Well, apart from his *NSYNC persona…and what people knew about him in the media. But, that wasn’t really knowing him, not the real him. At one point he hoped to find that one person who he would fully open himself up to, but now…

Lance lifted a hand and massaged his chest with an open palm, trying to relax the tight squeeze encircling his heart. He closed his eyes, slowly breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, clearing the thought from his head before making his way up the stairs and over to the closer door directly to the left of the landing. He lifted his hand and curled his fingers, rapping his knuckles on the wooden door.

He heard a shuffling sound from behind the door and a hushed curse before the door was open and a bleary eyed Gabriel stood in the doorway, blinking at him. “Hey, Lance,” he said, practically shoving the side of the door into his skin as he pulled it closer towards him. “What’s up?”

Lance knew that move well; all the *NSYNC guys had used it at one point or another to hold their privacy. “Darren and I were wondering if Annaleigh had said anything to you about what she talked about with Wade,” Lance said. “She hasn’t said anything to us…not that that should be too surprising.”

“I was just about to say…” Gabriel replied with a hint of a laugh. “You know she’ll tell you when she’s ready. I’m only her half-brother, I can get things out of her half the time.” Lance let out a small laugh. “You’re always going to know her way better than me, so you know she’ll tell you when she’s ready to tell you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Lance said with a nod of his head. He was the exact same way. It had taken him forever to be sure it was the right time to tell her about his sexual orientation. He saw how well that went; she practically spit hellfire into his face and he sent her to the hospital.

Yes, he had quickly learned that it was just appendicitis (not that a ruptured appendix was a just-anything) and his words didn’t have the power to physically harm her like she had stated in her pain filled delirium (amongst all the other hateful words she had hurled at him—words they both tried hard day in and day out to forget and move on from), but from that moment on, he had held back from telling anybody until he was sure they’d handle it.

Darren and Jasmine had rightfully been shocked, but they seemed to be more worried and curious about how he was doing but nonetheless accepted him for who he was. Justin, JC, and Chris had made a couple of lame jokes to help him be at ease when relaying the information, but they were all supportive over his decision to tell him. JC had asked a hard hitting question at the time, in short, wondering what they did wrong to fail him; to think that there was something he couldn’t tell them. Joey was the easiest as he didn’t seem to care at all; in a good way. But, that was good old Joey, his friend to the end.

“She also mentioned that your parents wanted to tell you something?” Lance asked. He had been dying to know how things between Annaleigh’s parents, Ryan and Caroline, and Gabriel’s mom, Elizabeth, had taken the two of them out for lunch not only to celebrate their birthdays but to give them some news.

Gabriel shifted his eyes upwards, letting out a short laugh. “Well, Caroline wanted to show her support, I guess, but my mom and her dad think it’s time they start dating again… each other,” he replied. Lance felt his eyes widen as the words bounced off his ear drums. Gabriel lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, that was one reaction we had to it…amongst many.”

Lance’s eyes shifted over towards Jasmine who stood behind Gabriel, peering over his shoulder, as she cleared her throat, announcing her presence. “Normally, I’d be happier than a dead pig in the sunshine to eavesdrop on y’alls conversation, but, and excuse my lack of lady-like behavior I’ve had engrained into my head over the years, I gotta piss.”

She ducked underneath his arm, giving Lance a finger wave as she passed. Gabriel used his thumb to scratch the side of his jaw, keeping his gaze away from his older friend. “We fell asleep talking. Nothing happe—“

“Dude,” Lance said, putting his hand up in the air, affectively cutting off his friend. “I shared a house with four guys and then proceeded to share tour busses and hotel rooms with them. I get it.” Gabriel opened his mouth. “Really. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” He tilted his head to the side. “So how long have you liked her?”

“I don’t know,” Gabriel replied with a shrug of his shoulders, “A while. Just never really noticed, I guess.”

“That sounds familiar, too,” Lance muttered, stepping away from the door. “Anna’s making breakfast, it should be done soon.” He went to head back into his room, but stopped for a brief moment, his fingers catching on the doorframe. “Oh, and turns out Michael’s joining us, too.”

“The painter?” Gabriel asked, hiking an eyebrow.

Lance let out a simple “Yep”, making a popping sound with his “P” before making a beeline towards his room, passing Jasmine on his way. At least someone around here is going after what they want.

---

 

“So if I said to you, ‘Mik Mouse’ and ‘Puto’ what would you think?” Annaleigh asked, turning towards Michael, setting a large skillet of scrambled eggs down onto the kitchen island next to the bowl of hash browns and the bowl of sliced fruit, on top of a cutting board. She turned back towards the stove and reached for the cup of plastic cutlery, grabbing a fork.

“Kind of scared to tell you, to be honest,” Michael replied after a moment of silence before he dropped his gaze to his coffee mug.

“That’s what I want to commission you,” Annaleigh replied, stabbing at the eggs with the fork before holding it out towards him. Michael lifted his head, blinking a few times.

“You’re going to have to run that by me a second time,” Michael replied, taking the fork from her, sliding the eggs into his mouth. A pleased look crossed his face as he chewed. “This is really good. Is that…tabasco I taste?”

“Not surprisin’ comin’ from a country girl, eh?” Annaleigh asked with a grin and Michael shrugged his shoulders. “It’s also black pepper, garlic powder, and onion powder.” She gave a shrug of her shoulders. “Sounds pretty gross, but…”

“It’s good,” Michael said, putting his hand in the air. “So…what exactly am I painting for you?”

“Mickey Mouse and Pluto,” Annaleigh replied, letting out a tinkling laugh. “I want to give it to Lance. Kind of a…goodbye present.” Michael blinked, but didn’t say anything else. “I’m thinkin’ of movin’ back to Mississippi to focus on my music there. Well, more like I’m plannin’ on it.”

“Mind if I ask why?” Michael asked, his eyebrows sliding together.

“I jus’ think that’s where I should be right now,” Annaleigh replied, looking at him over her shoulder before facing the cabinets again, opening the cabinet door. She grasped the side of a glass bowl and moved to carefully set it on the island. “Plus, it’s not fair for Gabe to have ta keep shuttlin’ back and forth jus’ to work on music.” Michael’s facial expression stayed the same. “We have a band: Oath Haven. Kind of a play off my dad’s old band; Oath Keeper.”

“I think I’ve heard of ‘em,” Michael replied, leaning forward to rest his arms on the counter. Annaleigh peered at him for a moment, her lips curling up into a half smile. She let out a small sigh as she reached for the spatula, starting to shovel the eggs into the bowl.

“You don’t have to lie, hon” she said to him, “they’re not country, they’re Christian-Rock. I don’ expect a lot of people to know about ‘em.” She chuckled as she watched Michael’s face flush. “It’s ok, I’m jus’ saying.” She waved a hand in the air. “I’m helpin’ JC and Justin with their albums, but I can do that by computer an’ I’m starting ta miss home, I guess. Besides, I haven’ really been home since I left and I had promised my dad I wouldn’t do that to him.”

“What? Leave?” Michael asked. “If you hadn’t left you wouldn’t be where you are now. You wouldn’t have toured with *NSYNC and you wouldn’t have had a song on their album.”

Annaleigh reached for the napkin container and grabbed one. Pursing her lips she unfolded the napkin and set it over the bowl of eggs. “You already know about all of this, don’t you?” she asked. “You’re a fan?”

“My sister is,” Michael replied. He loudly cleared his throat, bowing his head to scratch the back of his neck. “And so am I…I guess...kind of. I mean, I’ve been to a few shows here and there...with her.”

“Mmmmhmmm,” Annaleigh hummed; an amused look on her face. She felt a smile come to her face as she watched him, shift uncomfortably in his seat before practically jamming his cup of coffee into his mouth to take a long sip. She clicked her tongue as she lifted her hands to brush her hair back from her face. “You’re different; I like you.”

She had watched him at her party; mingling with a few guests, saying a couple words here and there, otherwise keeping mostly to himself. Until Lance was around, anyway, then he couldn’t stop talking. And by the looks of it annoying him. Bless his heart it was cute to see.

Michael opened and closed his mouth, a smile on his face, unable to respond to her statement. “Um…thanks,” he replied, tapping his fingernails against the ceramic of his mug. “And thanks for letting me stay at your party.”

“Of course, hon,” Annaleigh replied, flicking her head to the side, brushing her hair from her face. “I wouldn’ want anyone to deny me cake, who am I do the same?”

“You’re funny,” Michael stated, a pleasant smile on his face.

“‘Sides, you probably jus wanted to see my gorgeous face when I opened the gift. It’s really pretty.” She let out a small sigh. It was easy for her to be confident in herself when there was someone out there, someone she could bring into her circle of friends, didn’t know about what went on with Wade.

“Anyway, I used to call him Mik Mouse to annoy him, or Poofu,” Annaleigh said, a fond smile coming to her face. He, without a doubt, has been the best friend she had ever had in her entire life. Throughout everything, their ups and downs, arguments, and make ups he was always there.

But, there had always been someone else there too; whether or not he could actually be there in person. She had resented Darren for leaving to college, in fact, she had basically pushed him to stay there, but when Lance was travelling and performing in Europe, both he and Jasmine had gone out of their way to make sure she was ok after her mom left.

He took trips back home on the weekends, called as often as he could, and much more. Something she came to rely on when her dad immersed himself in work and ridding the home of everything that had to do with his ex-wife. He was there for her when she needed someone; he took care of her. It was something she never wanted to admit she needed nor admit she liked the security he brought. Her mind had been made up at that point; it was her against the world from then on out.

How things had changed so quickly…

“I don’t really know how to tell him. He has a few acquaintances out here, but not a lot of friends and I don’t want to just drop him.” Annaleigh pushed her lips together, twisting her mouth to  the side just slightly, the skin around her mouth puffing up just slightly.

“So don’t,” Michael replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

“It’s not that easy,” Annaleigh said with a shake of her head. “It’s complicated.”

“From my experience, the only reason why things are complicated is because we make them complicated,” Michael replied, letting out a sigh through his nose. “We over think things and end up talking ourselves out of a lot.”

“And you don’t do that?” Annaleigh asked, lifting her eyebrows.

Michael fixed her with a pointed look, the corners of his lips curling up into a smile. A mischievous look came to his “You think I showed up here this early in the morning just because I just so happened to be in the neighborhood?” he asked with a wink.

Annaleigh laughed all the while thinking, that that was the answer she wanted to hear.

 

-11-

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Lance asked, looking back and forth between Gabriel and Jasmine.

“No, it’s fine,” Jasmine replied, waving her hand in the air, a bright smile on her face. “Gabe’s going to show me the sights.”

“She hasn’t been to LA as often as I have, so I said I’d show her around,” Gabriel explained, sliding his hands into his jeans pockets. “We’re going to swing by JC’s real quick, and then head over to City Walk and The Grove and wherever else we can get in a day.”

He lifted his hand and scratched the tip of his nose. Lance watched his eyes shift to the right, looking past him and turned his head in time to see Annaleigh rub at the side of her nose before quickly cupping a hand around her mouth, letting out a loud cough. Lance’s eyes only rolled halfway, glancing upwards, as he let out a breath through his nose.

Oh yeah. He knew what she was doing.

“Ooh, I want to go to the Hollywood sign, too,” Jasmine said, turning to face Gabriel. She gave him her toothy smile and placed a hand on his arm. “I heard the view is really beautiful up there. Maybe we can get some food and have a picnic.” Her lips slid back over her teeth in a peaceful smile before she used the top row to drag her bottom lip into her mouth. Lifting her eyebrows, her eyes sparkling, she shifted to stand on the balls of her feet.

Gabriel let out a short, breathy chuckle. “Sure,” he replied, bowing his head slightly before lifting his head to look at her, returning her smile.

Lance pulled his lips backwards, trying not to give away his smile. He had seen that look thousands of times from thousands of girls, in many cities. But, he knew Jasmine. That boy had no idea what he was getting himself into. Once she set her sights on a guy, she really hooked her nails into him. At least until she found out he wasn’t right for her, or she got bored, whichever came first. Just like Annaleigh, though, she was getting to the point to where she was ready to settle down and get married and she had set her sights on Gabriel.

“Well, we don’t want to be late for the fight,” Annaleigh said with a chipper tone, clapping her hands together. She reached into her pocket for her wallet before opening it, pulling out a couple of bills. “Get me a new recording mic while you’re in town?”

“Sure,” Gabriel replied, reaching for the money. Annaleigh pulled it away from him, over her head. Given his height, that wasn’t much of a challenge for him and he easily reached over and plucked the papered money out of her hands.

“I want the change back this time,” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Last I checked, baby sister,” Gabriel said, pocketing the money, “you’re the one who never gives change back.” Annaleigh made a face at him and he just grinned. “Have a good time.” He then turned towards his car and pulled open the passenger seat.

“Thaaaank you,” Jasmine cooed as she climbed into the car.

“Have fun,” Gabriel said, lifting his hand in a wave before walking around the front of the car, pulling open the driver’s side door.

“You, too,” Lance replied.

“Not too much fun,” Darren muttered as he backed away from the car as it started up. Gabriel honked the horn twice before removing the parking break, backing out of the driveway, and heading down the street. As soon as the car disappeared from view, Lance burst out laughing. “What?”

“Not too much fun,” Lance repeated, deepening his already deeper voice. “Come on, man. They’re young and in love.” He clapped his friend on the shoulder before removing his keys from his jeans pocket. “Alright, let’s go.” He stopped and turned towards Michael who had basically been silent since breakfast. “Um…do you want…shotgun or something?”

“Uhhh,” Michael held out the word before shaking his head slightly. “No, that’s ok. I don’t want to put anyone out.”

“Suit yourself,” Lance replied, stepping around him, pulling open the driver’s side door. He climbed in and slammed the door shut behind him. Pressing his foot firmly on the brake pedal, he buckled himself up and slid his keys into the ignition. The car shook slightly as it roared to life.

“Am I the only one that didn’t even have an idea about those two?” Darren asked as he got into the passenger seat.

“In a word: yes,” Lance replied, reaching up to adjust the rearview mirror. He dropped his hand back into his seat and watched Michael’s reflection as he pulled his seatbelt across his chest. It pulled his shirt taut even more so than it already was. Lance could see the muscles in his chest move under his shirt as he settled into his seat.

“Come on, D, he’s my brother,” Annaleigh said, leaning forward in her seat, grasping the back of his.

“Half-brother,” Darren corrected.

“Whatever,” Annaleigh replied with a roll of her eyes. “You like him. He’s good for her and ya know it. You don’ think he’s gotten on my case ‘bout my bein’ sweet on you a while back?” She made a clicking sound with her tongue and settled back in her seat. Lance watched her roll her eyes. “All brothers are the same.”

Lance’s eyes shifted back to Michael as he started to talk. “Hey, as a brother, and a twin to my sister for that matter, it’s important for us to keep an eye out for you guys,” Michael said, holding a finger in the air. Annaleigh hiked an eyebrow before leaning towards him, snapping her jaws shut around the air near his finger. Michael let out a laugh as he pulled his hand back before sliding his thing fingers through his curly hair. “I’m younger than my sister, and I’m sure she hated me for it. But, if you knew her, you knew she was a handful as a kid.”

“Hmmm, sounds like someone else I know.” Darren jabbed Lance’s shoulder with his index finger and Lance slapped his hand away before looking back into the rearview mirror. He locked eyes with Michael who smiled, closing his eye in a quick wink.

Caught.

Lance immediately shifted his gaze from the rearview mirror, feeling himself suddenly burn beneath his shirt collar. Clearing his throat he turned up the volume on the radio, released the parking break, and backed his car out of the driveway. With his other hand, he turned on the air conditioning and angled a vent to hit him directly in the face. And he kept it on for the duration of the car ride, looking in the rearview mirror only when absolutely necessary.

*_*_*

Lance winced as a loud cheer went up in their section of the crowd as one of the two fighters in the giant ring in front of them was thrown over the other’s shoulders and slammed onto the ground. “I thought you said you weren’t allowed to do throws in fights,” he shouted over the loud noise into Annaleigh’s ear.

“And Steel Wool is down with a throw by Hammer Claw!” The announcer in the ring shouted into his microphone.

Another swell of cheers hit the air, battling against boos and jeers. The area was dimly lit, packed with people. Lance wrinkled his nose as soon as he stepped into the building. The smell of popcorn, hot dogs, stale sweat, rubber and old gym socks hit his nose with a pungent smell. By now, he had gotten used to it, as his attention was mainly on the fight but partially on ignoring the person who kept kicking the back of his seat in excitement.

“This is a different style of fighting,” Annaleigh shouted back. She lifted a finger and indicated the shirtless guy with the black gloves, shorts, and boots. “He’s doing takedowns and head butts, too.”

“Which I’m sure the ladies here are gettin’ a big kick out,” Darren added, lifting his cup of soda to his mouth, biting down on the straw. He lifted his hand, eyebrows shooting up as if to say “See what I mean?” when shrieks hit the air as “Steel Wool” marched around the ring, swinging his arm and rotating his shoulders, his muscles flexing as he did so.

“All ya have to do is bulk up and walk around shirtless and you could get any filly you wanted ta bat an eyelash in your direction,” Annaleigh said with a sweet smile. Darren let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Are they always like?” Michael asked from Lance’s other side. Lance let out a laugh before turning in his seat, angling his body in Michael’s direction.

“It’s how they flirt,” Lance replied and Michael slowly nodded his head, a knowing smile on his face. “Neither of them have the balls to just do anything about it despite my pushing.” He let out a sigh through his nose. “He’s been patient, but she hasn’t had the best luck with relationships.”

“Does it have to do with that Wade guy that came to the party?” Michael asked. Lance felt his eyebrows narrow. Michael shrugged his shoulders.”You guys got tense when his name was mentioned and she seemed to be the only one to defend her.” His lips twitched slightly. “My sister went through a bad relationship a little ways back. She’s better now, but I know what it looks like to beat yourself up.”

Lance felt himself staring at Michael and blinked, shifting his gaze away from him. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Lance replied.

“It’s ok,” Michael replied, waving his hand in the air. “Like I said, it was a little while ago and she’s doing much better now.”

“Making jewelry, right?” Lance asked. Michael’s eyes widened slightly as if he was surprised that Lance had remembered what he said.

“Uh, yeah,” Michael replied. He then reached under the collar of his shirt and pulled at the cord chain around his neck. It glinted against the light and Lance dropped his gaze to the compass that dangled at the end. “She made this for me.”

“A compass?” Lance asked, looking back up at him.

“So I’ll know that I have some sense of direction in my life,” Michael replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “That’s what she told me, anyway. I think it was supposed to be a joke or an insult or something, knowing her, but it’s helped.” He then tucked the necklace back into his shirt. “So why this? What got you interested in fighting?”

“Not fighting, self defense,” Lance replied, scratching the side of his jaw. He bowed his head, pressing his lips together and twisting his mouth to the side. “I got jumped when I got back to Mississippi. I know home isn’t a place that’s so welcome to people like me, but I just needed to get away from everything out here for a little while. I wanted to learn how to take care of myself and—“

“And show everyone that people like us aren’t going to just sit back and be pushed around or be called every name under the sun?” Michael finished for him. He stuck his bottom lip out slightly, eyebrows lifting, as he nodded his head. “Makes sense.”

“I…you said ‘us’,” Lance said, blinking rapidly.

“Yeah,” Michael replied with a small grin. He lifted an eyebrow as if to say, “What are you going to do about it?” His smile got wider and a dimple appeared in his cheek. “You really didn’t know?” He chuckled. “That’s funny, most people tell me they can tell just by looking at me.”

“…Sorry,” Lance replied. He bowed his head, scratching the back of his neck. He regretted saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He was suddenly aware of how close they were sitting. The heat of Michael’s arm pressed against his, their kneecaps made the hair on his arms stand on end.

“It’s ok,” Michael replied with a laugh, putting his hands up in the air. He slumped in his seat just slightly. “I’m not offended.”

“So if your career as a model is dependent on your looks, why do some of your friends fight?” Lance asked, changing the subject, shifting his attention back to the two men fighting in the ring.

“We all like doing different things,” Michael replied. “They like to fight and I like to paint.”

“Well, you’re really good at painting, “ Lance replied. He realized with a start how insulting that could have sounded and quickly tried to explain. “At modeling too, I guess. I mean, I don’t think I’ve seen you in anything. But...but, you have to be good to have it as a job. Right?” Stop talking, Lance. You’re making it worse. “And be good looking, I suppose. Not that you’re not! Er, not that I don’t think you aren’t, uh—“ Ok, now it’s worse.

Michael peered over at him, a smile of amusement on his face. A smile that suddenly made Lance annoyed. He was 27 years old and the man turned him into a rambling, self-aware teenager all over again. And how? With a simple smile and his calm and laid back attitude. Lance curled his hand into a fist and pressed down on his thigh. Surely he’d learned how to keep his composure around…a very good looking guy.

He was saved from having to answer when a loud ding split the air and spectators jumped to their feet, applauding and cheering as the referee lifted the hand of Hammer Claw into the air, declaring him the winner.

“Anybody hungry?” Michael asked as he got to his feet, turning towards the group. “About ten minutes until the next fight starts up.”

“I could go for some nachos,” Annaleigh said as she pushed herself to her feet. “I have to go to the bathroom, anyway.” She reached for her wallet and Lance grabbed her arm.

“I got it,” he said.

“No, no, I’ll get it,” Michael replied. “It’s the least I could do for inviting me.”

“You got us the tickets, it’s ok,” Lance said. He placed a hand on his shoulder and quickly removed it as if he had gotten burned. He might as well have. As soon as his hand made contact with Michael’s shoulder, he felt a spark shoot through his hand, leaving a hot trail as it traveled through his body. “D, you coming?”

“Sure,” Darren replied, stretching his arms in front of him. He lifted his cup and shook it, the ice rattling around inside. “I need a refill anyway.”

Michael led the way out of the stands and in the direction of the food line, carefully stepping around those in their aisle. “So you two seem to be hitting it off,” Annaleigh said with a bright smile, looking up at him. She was practically skipping and humming.

“You know, I wondered how quickly Gabe and Jazzy decided to go sightseeing today,” Lance mused aloud. “Probably faster with the money you gave him.”

“Hey, I really need a new recording mic, buddy,” Annaleigh said, gently slapping the back of her hand against his chest.

“You’re getting to be as bad as Jazzy,” Lance commented. “And as obvious.” Annaleigh just let out an evil giggle before increasing her speed to catch up with Michael. He sensed Darren on his other side. “If only she could use her matchmaking skills to realize you two are perfect for each other.”

“Like I said, she’s goin’ ta have to make the first move this time,” Darren said with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’ve been waitin’ this long, what’s a little while longer.”

“You’re too nice sometimes, Dare,” Lance said, with a shake of his head.

“I’m Southern, ya can’ fault me for that,” Darren replied with a grin. He reached out a hand and shoved Lance’s shoulder. Lance felt himself collide with someone and he quickly blurted out an, “Sorry, man.”

“Hey, no problem,” the man Lance bumped into said as he gently grabbed his shoulders, steadying him. “You alright?” Lance gave a nod of his head. “I’m Rick.” He held his hand out towards him.

“Lance,” Lance replied, taking Rick’s hand, shaking it. “This is my friend, Darren.” Darren lifted his hand in a wave before shaking Rick’s hand. “And this…” Lance trailed off, spotting the area that Michael and Annaleigh were just standing in now empty. He craned his neck and spotted them in the food line. He faced Rick again and saw that the man was staring hard at him, his eyes narrowed. “Um…”

“Lance Bass, right?” Rick asked and Lance slowly nodded his head. “The gay guy?” Lance stopped himself from rolling his eyes, but felt his jaw tighten. Rick let out a deep chuckle, his mustache and beard spreading with his smile to reveal slightly yellowed teeth. He lifted his hand and rubbed at his short spiky hair. His brown eyes glowed. “Never thought I’d see someone like you out here.”

Lance let out a short laugh. He didn’t know whether or not to be offended. It was one thing to be seen as the former boy band member (of which he preferred to call them a music group), but to think just because he was in a boy band he couldn’t go see a fight from time to time went over his head. He was just like anybody else, doing a job to get by, keeping his family and himself financially supported. The only difference was that people knew his name..and just about everything else about him through various interviews.

“Yeah, well, I’ve gotten interested in it lately,” Lance said, giving a shrug of his shoulders. “My friend Anna’s been teaching me.” Rick’s eyebrows twitched.

“Well, I know a couple of places for some other fights if you’re interested in seeing what else the city’s got going on,” Rick said as he reached into his back pocket. “Interested in fighting yourself? Need a couple more to keep it going regularly.”

Lance felt Darren hit the back of his arm and he turned to see his friend, peering over at Rick. He shook his head just slightly. So slightly Lance barely saw it. “Ah, I’m not sure,” Lance replied. Rick held a stack of business cards in his hand before he held it out towards Lance. “Haven’t been training that long.”

“If you want to get some pointers,” Rick said, with a shrug holding the card out to him. Lance glanced down at the card and Rick shook it just slightly. Lance let out a sigh before taking the card, shoving it into his pocket. “Or don’t come, that’s fine, too. All I’m saying is if you ever want a real fight, come to this address. We’ll sort you out.”

“Is this legal?” Darren asked, tilting his head to the side. “These fights.”

“Well—“

“You guys better hurry up or we’ll be stuck in line when the next fight starts,” Annaleigh said as she and Michael rejoined them. She glanced over at Rick and gave a quick nod of her head in greeting.

“Hey.” Rick snapped his fingers pointing in Annaleigh’s direction. She lifted an eyebrow as she dunked a chip into the cheesy sauce in the plastic container in her hands. “You’re that Annaleigh chick that bearded for him; the chick with the famous music dad who had an affair. I know you.”

Annaleigh’s nostrils flared just slightly before relaxing, She slowly looked him up and down before shifting her gaze over to Lance. He watched as the corner of her lips twitched. “You’re the dude who can’ grow one to so he has ta prove his masculinity by talkin’ down to others. I think you’re overcompensatin’.” She tilted her head to the side glancing around him before shifting her gaze back to her eyes. “Lack of a girl? Or…somethin’?”

Annaleigh slowly smiled, one which Lance could easily depict as a warning sign. Southern girls never fought with their fists (that’s not to say that Annaleigh didn’t have that training now) but chose to fight with their words. You’d be insulted up and down before realizing it; her words would be coated with a sticky sweet smile.

Lance quickly turned a snort of laughter into a cough as he watched Annaleigh hold out the plastic container towards the older man. He blinked rapidly, eyebrows knitting together as he let the words sink in. Darren had balled his hand into a fist and pressed it tightly against his mouth. The corners of his lips were pulled taught, trying not to giveaway his smile. Michael’s eyes were wide as he looked back and forth between Rick and Annaleigh, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

Annaleigh lifted both her eyebrows, holding the tray out towards her, shaking it slightly when he didn’t immediately reach out to take it. “Lance is one of my best friends and I love him.” She put as much emphasis on “best friend” as she could and Lance felt his smile widen. “I don’t care who he decides to be with but I’m always happy when we we’re together whether we’re involved or just friends. He’s a great guy and an even greater friend and that’s all that matters.”

Her words suddenly took on a steely tone. “Though I’m sure I don’ need to explain that to someone like you, I’m sure you’re not a pinhead like your physique suggests.” She slid a cheese covered chip into her mouth and loudly bit down on it before shaking the container again. “Nacho?”

Michael burst out laughing shortly followed by Darren and then Lance. Rick’s eyes darkened. He twisted his mouth to the side before slowly swiveling his head towards Lance. He ran a hand down his face, letting out a breath of air before asking, “Did you enlist this wench into fighting your fights before or after she drove you into the arms of a man?”

A gasp when Annaleigh shoved her tray of nachos into Darren’s chest with so much force, he was surprised Darren was able to draw in breath. “I didn’ make him gay,” she snapped, eyes ablaze. She stomped her foot on the ground before crossing her arms over her chest. “And I’m not a wench!” Annaleigh spun on her heels and stormed through the crowd.

Michael pressed his lips together before he clasped his hands behind his back, rocking back and forth on his heels a few times. He made a popping sound with his lips. “I think she’s mad,” Michael spoke up after a moment of silence.

“…It’s kind of true,” Darren said, lifting a hand to scratch the back of his neck.

“Uh…I don’t think she got that,” Lance said. He didn’t even get his full sentence out before Darren talked over him with an annoyed “Shut up, man.” Lance put his hands up defensively, taking a step back from his friend. Darren let out a sigh and moved through the crowd to find her. “Dude, leave her alone. It’s obviously me you have a problem with.”

“Lance. just ignore him,” Michael said, grabbing his elbow. Lance planted his feet firmly in the ground, bending to the side when he was pulled. “Come on, let’s go.” Lance brushed his hand away.

“Listen to your boyfriend, Lance,” Rick said, a smug smile coming to his face. He lifted his hands and flapped his hands in the air as if he was shooing him away. “Just walk away. It’ll do you well to learn when to pick a fight.”

“Yeah?” Lance asked. His fingernails pressed painfully into his skin from how they were curled. He pressed his hands to his sides and felt the outer edge of the business card Rick had given him poke through his jeans and into the side of his hand.

If you ever want a real fight, come to this address. We’ll sort you out.

“Well, I’m picking this one,” Lance replied before swinging his arm up, popping his fist forward. Rick’s head snapped to the side from the force and seconds later, he was on the ground, cupping a hand around his cheek. A groan rumbled in the back of his throat as white hot pain shot to his knuckles.

As screams and gasps of shock hit the air, Lance shook out his hand. Michael was saying something to him, but he couldn’t focus his mind on what he was saying. “That’s for calling her a wench, pinhead,” Lance said through clenched teeth. He glanced down at his knuckles and saw the skin ripped slightly, blood rushing to the surface. Damn it.

The breath is in his mouth escaped in a rush as he let out a low “oof” when Rick’s shoulder collided with his stomach. Lance felt himself tip backwards, as his chest bent forward. His head bounced against the floor a second after his body did.

---

 “Would you slow down?”

Annaleigh tried to slow her march, but her anger surged her forward. She wanted to throttle that guy, but knew nothing good would come from it. Her fight training was about self-defense, not about showing who had the bigger balls.

Darren fell into step beside her, catching his breath. He held the nacho container out towards her. Annaleigh grabbed it so forcefully, some chips spilled over the sides, only to be trodden on by her unwavering gait. “You’re not a wench,” Darren said to her, lifting a hand to brush his hair off of his forehead.

Annaleigh let out a short laugh. ‘’Oh, I know that,” she replied with a brief shake of her head. “I was doin’ that guy a favor by not making him snack on his teeth.” She tossed her nacho container into the nearest trashcan she passed before clapping her hands together, trying to wipe off the salt crystals stuck to her fingers. She was in no mood to eat. Her stomach was churning anyway.

She had no idea how to break her news of moving back home to Lance. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem; her bluntness was something that he had complimented her on numerous times. She just didn’t want him to be out in California all alone. She wouldn’t have even have partially moved out to Los Angeles in the first place if he hadn’t practically begged her to do so. Not that it would’ve taken much more than a bat of his eyelashes or just a pleading look from his green eyes; she was already sold on the idea.

What with *NSYNC ending and the boys going their separate ways, Lance decided to stay in Los Angeles to continue work and she sure as shootin’ wasn’t quick to go back to Mississippi. She felt like her career in the music industry had just started. After a quick trip home, she packed up some of her belongings and moved westward much to her father’s reservations.

“Are you sure this is what you really want?” Ryan asked as he matched a pile of socks for his daughter. Annaleigh let out a huff of air as she snapped the shirt she held in her hands. “California is really different compared ta Mississippi.”

“I’ve only been livin’ out there for the past couple years, dad,” Annaleigh replied, folding the shirt and setting it down into her suitcase. “I think I know tha differences by now.” She looked up at him. “Yes, this is what I want. You know that.”

“But, this is the first time you’re living out there without a job waitin’ for you. I jus’ don’t want you to forget where you came from, Sweet-Pea,” Ryan said, reaching up a hand to run his fingers through his hair.

“You’ve been tellin’ me that since Lance first went out to Orlando, daddy,” Annaleigh said with a sigh. She put her face into her hands for a moment before brushing sliding them back, brushing her hair back behind her ears. “Now I understand why, but you don’t have ta keep sayin’ it. You don’ have ta worry.”

“As long as you’re still my daughter, I’m goin’ ta worry,” Ryan replied, one side of his mouth pulling upwards into a half smile. He slowly blinked, peering over at her. “Especially after what happened with that Robson fella.”

“Daaad,” Annaleigh groaned. “Did ya have to bring that up?” She scratched the back of her neck. “Any louder and it’ll be all over Clinton in half a second. I don’t need that.” She shook her head back and forth. “Not again.” Ryan opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, his eyebrows shooting up, before he relaxed his facial expression. Annaleigh felt her shoulders slump. She was a real jerk. “Daddy, I’m sorry. I didn’ mean it.”

“Yes, you did,” Ryan replied quietly, making a clicking sound with his tongue. He put his hands up defensively before leaning forward in his seat to rest his elbows on his knees. “But, that’s ok. I know I’m not one ta really preach this to you given my choices, but runnin’ from your problems doesn’ fix anything. I’ve stayed around despite the townsfolk still talkin’ ‘bout my affair and my refusing to pay child support to Elizabeth and Gabe. I know they talk ‘bout you and your mother, and I may not fully understand what you’re goin’ through, but I don’ want you to think that Clinton can’t be a home for you anymore.”

“Daddy, I love it here,” Annaleigh explained, stopping what she was doing to walk around her bed to sit in front of him, jostling the pile of socks. “Clinton will always be my home and always be the place I want to come back to. Just not now.”

“For a place you love so much you sure do want to leave in a hurry,” Ryan commented, settling back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

At 44 years old, he was still as handsome as he was on his old album covers. With his dark hair and piercing green eyes sat accompanied with his almost arrogant smile, he was considered a real catch. So much so that he had landed as number ten on the 25 Most Crushable Men Under 25 list back in the day. She was partially surprised that she didn’t have any lady callers on his doorstep but given how small the town was, she understood at the same time. They would all know about his failed marriage, they were probably hesitant to be involved with him.

“I just want to take this music thing as far as I can, that’s all,” Annaleigh replied, reaching out a hand to place it on top of his, giving it a gentle squeeze. Ryan flipped his hand over and enclosed his long fingers around her hand, his rough, warm palm pressing against hers. “I want you to be proud of what I can do.”

“Sweetie, I’d be proud no matter what you decide to do,” Ryan replied, his eyebrows lowering into a look of confusion, hurt flashing through his eyes. “Do you know how proud I was to know you wanted ta make music? Do you know how proud I was when you spoke up in divorce court and told the judge whether you wanted ta stay with your mother or myself instead of being told where you’d end up? Do you know how proud I am of the woman you’ve become despite how rough your life has been?”

“Daddy,” Annaleigh said with a sigh, spotting the emotion in his eyes.

“I’ve always been proud of you, Annaleigh Carr, damn proud,” Ryan explained. He blinked his eyes once, twice, three times before swallowing thickly. “I don’ want you to forget it and I don’ want you to forget what Clinton means to you the longer you’re in LA.” Annaleigh opened her mouth and Ryan put a hand in the air, stopping her in her tracks. “I’m not sayin’ that it’s going ta happen to you. I just want you to understand that happened to me; I felt invincible out on the road and I let the rock star life really get to my head. And I want you to understand that I’m most proud is that you’re still the same girl I’ve raised and watched grow up despite everything. I’m happy to know that Lance and those boys have kept a good head on their shoulders and helped you as well.”

“Dad,” Annaleigh said, peering over at her father.

“Yes?” Ryan asked.

“I’m goin’ ta miss you, too,” Annaleigh replied, giving him a soft smile. Ryan’s lips pulled back into a smile as a chuckle rumbled in his throat. He then leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

“Come back and visit, Sweet Pea. An old man like me gets pretty lonely at times,” Ryan said as he pulled back, his smile disappearing slightly. “You’ll always have a place here whenever you feel the need to come home.”

“I know, Daddy.”

Annaleigh was happy to know that she still had a place back at home, but things were different now. Gabriel had moved into her home to get to know his father more while Elizabeth moved into an apartment in town. Both Annaleigh and Gabriel would take turns flying back and forth from California to Mississippi to work on their music together all the while she helped JC and Justin with their albums.

With Ryan and Elizabeth now interested in seeing each other, surely they didn’t want their kids still living in the house like a built in family. Heck, she wasn’t sure she really wanted to see that they were interested in dating each other. She was happy her father wasn’t feeling so lonely anymore, and she thought Elizabeth was really nice, but she was still the reason why her parents split up. It was just going to take some time to get used to.

The past six years was nothing to sneeze at.

“Somethin’s bothering you and I know it’s not ‘cause of what that moron said to you,” Darren said to her, grasping her arm to stop her from continuing forward. Annaleigh lifted her gaze towards the ceiling as she turned to face him, lips pressed together, pursed just slightly. “I know you, Ace, you barely bat an eyelash if someone calls you names before you take ‘em down.” He paused for a moment before reaching up a hand to massage his shoulder. “An’ I know that first hand.” Annaleigh couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “So, what’s going on?”

Annaleigh let out a sigh, scratching the back of her neck. “I talked ta Wade and he helped me realize some things,” she explained. Darren lifted his eyebrows, angling his head forward slightly, silently urging her to continue. “I’ve decided that I’m going to move back home but I don’t know how to tell Lance.”

“I…what’d he say to make you decide that?” Darren asked after a moment of silence. He cleared his throat, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Not that I’m not happy or anythin’.”

“He just helped me realize that I can reach my goals back home,” Annaleigh replied, waving her hand in the air. “That’s all. Don’t make it a big deal. I know you’re not fond of the guy, but he’s really changed.”

A look of annoyance briefly crossed over his face before it disappeared and was replaced with curiosity. “Ok, so why is it hard for you to tell Lance?” Darren asked.

“He’s always had someone out here to live with,” Annaleigh explained. “If it wasn’t *NSYNC, then it was Jake and then us after Jake moved out. I don’t want him to be lonely.” And yet you’re doing a pretty good job at making sure you stay that way, Annaleigh. Annaleigh mentally shook the owner of the small annoyingly smug voice away. “I’m worried about him.”

Darren squinted his eyes slightly. “That’s not the only thing,” he said to her. “What’s going on?”

“Dad and Elizabeth are interested in seeing each other, ok?” Annaleigh replied. She watched as Darren’s eyes widened. “Yeah, dating. She, dad, and mom told us when they took us out to lunch. Mom seemed to be ok with it.”

“And you’re not,” Darren replied as more of a statement than a question. He lifted a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You met her six years ago, Annaleigh. I think that’s enough time to forgive her for what happened years before you were born. You can only punish them for so long.”

“I’m not punishing them,” Annaleigh protested. Darren hiked an eyebrow. “I’m not.” I’m punishing myself. She nearly flinched when the words smacked into the front of her skull with full force before blinking with neon lights. There was no way to ignore that as it pulsated between an electric blue and lime green light in her face.

“Look, you have your whole life to freak out about it or accept it or do whatever, just don’t do it in front of him,” Darren said. He quickly corrected himself. “Them. Don’t do it in front of them. Gabe, too. He’s had things harder in some cases then you. He only grew up knowing that he had a sister—“

“Half-sister,” Annaleigh corrected him.

“Whatever,” Darren huffed, throwing his hands into the air. He sucked in a deep breath of air through his nose before letting it out, dropping his shoulders from their positions by his ears. “He grew up knowing he had a sister that most likely didn’t know a thing about him, and knowing that he had a dad that didn’t want anything to do with him and despite that, he still tried to find you. If he and Elizabeth can be on good terms with not only your dad, but your mom considering what went on between the three of them, then you can work things out with Elizabeth.”

Annaleigh opened and closed her mouth trying to form an answer. Her mouth moved faster than her thoughts and managed to get out a, “That’s not…but you…you don’t…” before sticking out her bottom lip in a pout. “You’re so annoyin’, you know that?” He was right. She knew he was right

“Nah, you just hate bein’ wrong,” Darren replied, relaxing into a grin, his dimples appearing in his cheeks, causing an ache to form in the middle of Annaleigh’s stomach. He lifted a hand and placed it on top of her head, the heat permeating her scalp, burning the tips of her ears, forming a ball of heat in her chest as it made its way down to the tips of her toes. She made a face when he started to muss her hair.

“Hey!”  Annaleigh slapped his hand away, her upper lip curling before she stuck her tongue out at him. Stop it, Anna. Can’t you have one conversation with the guy without turning into a kid again? That was going to make what she asked next a whole lot harder. “Look, when I get home, could I stay with you at your place?”

Darren eyes widened slightly before they relaxed and he turned his head to the side, peering at her. “You really don’t think you can stay in the same house with her around, do you?” he asked. Annaleigh put her hands up defensively.

“Hey, you said not to show how weirded out I am about this in front of them,” she replied.

“…That’s why you crashed at my place last time isn’t it?” Darren asked, snapping his fingers as the realization hit him. “Because Elizabeth was at your place.” Annaleigh just pressed her lips together, rocking back and forth on her heels. “Alright, alright. I’ll let you stay at my place.” He lifted his index finger. “On one condition.”

“Which is?” Annaleigh asked, her eyebrows shooting upwards before a curious look crossed her face.

“Help me at school with my kids’ show choir show and I’ll let you live in my apartment,” Darren replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “At least until you’re ready to either get your own place or you go back home.”

“I’ll make sure I don’t make things uncomfortable for you and any girl you wanna bring back to your place,” Annaleigh commented, curling her lips into a teasing smile. “Just put a sock on the door and we’ll be fine.”

Darren’s lips twitched as he held his hand out towards her. “Deal?”

“Y’know, one of the last times I was makin’ a deal with you, Jazzy and I got sick by the creek stinking of cigarette smoke,” Annaleigh asked, reaching up a hand to scratch at her eyebrow.

“You were the one who insisted you knew how to smoke, that wasn’ my fault,” Darren replied, arching an eyebrow. “Besides, I took care of y’all and you did end up holdin’ your end of the deal.”

“Two weeks without Jazz and I followin’ you and Lance around everywhere,” Annaleigh said with a sigh, shaking her head back and forth before she gave him a charming smile. “How did y’all survive?”

“Somehow we managed,” Darren replied, matching her smile with his own. “So we have a deal? A place to live in return for helping me at school?”

“Deal,” Annaleigh said, slapping her palm into his, shaking his hand. “You’re getting the better end of the stick, though: someone to cook and clean for ya and I have to spend a couple hours a day with teenagers again. I got enough of that when living with Justin, JC, Lance, Chris, and Joey.”

“I’m worth it,” Darren replied, bending at the waist just slightly in a bow. He then straightened and offered her his arm. “Can we go back now?”

“Can we get some more nachos first?” Annaleigh asked, placing her hands on her stomach. She interlocked her fingers, using the palm of her hands to rub small circles as it growled. “I didn’t get the chance eat mine before I lost my appetite just looking at that guy.”

Darren let out a bark of laughter. “You haven’t called me in a while,” he pointed out to her, one half of his lips pulling back into a lazy grin. “I should be jealous.” He slowly shook his head back and forth, chuckling. “If anyone’s ever told ya that you’ve changed, Anal-Lee, they didn’ know ya as a kid.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment, Chippendale?” Annaleigh asked, narrowing her eyes just slightly, her eyebrows tipping upwards. She reached out her hand and clapped him on the arm before hooking hers through his. “No need to be jealous. But, I will let you buy me more food.”

“Oh, goody,” Darren said, his words dripping with sarcasm. “Instead of nachos, though, could we get—“ He didn’t finish his sentence as a man in a security uniform crashed into his side, shouting into the speaker box on his shoulder.  Two more security guards rushed past on either side of them. He tripped over his feet, colliding with Annaleigh.

His shoulder felt like a brick wall ramming into her side. A gasp barely slipped past her lips before she felt herself falling. She felt Darren tighten the muscles in his arm before feeling his other hand tightly grasping her right bicep. And then she was pulled up against his chest, her head bouncing slightly against the broad stretch of muscle across his chest.

“You ok?”

She closed her eyes as his scent overloaded his sense. He wasn’t one to wear cologne or body spray or anything with a very noticeable smell or at least she was pretty sure he didn’t. He always just smelled…clean. Annaleigh felt herself stroking the soft cotton of his shirt with the pads of his fingers when he gently shook her, instantly snapping her back to reality.

Oh, my god. Feeling her face burn, Annaleigh took a large step back from Darren. “Mmhmm. Yeah, I’m good,” she replied. Was that her voice sounding all high pitched? She loudly cleared her throat before stepping forward to land a punch on his arm. “Thanks.”

“Surrre,” Darren replied, holding out the word, slowly nodding. He nodded his head in the direction the security guards took off in. “Wonder what their problem is.”

Annaleigh gave a shrug of her shoulders. She reached her hands up to adjust her ponytail, using her arms to hide her burning cheeks. They had to have gone through pink, bypassed red, and were no purple. “I think I heard them say something about a fight before you crashed into me after stumbling over your big feet.”

Darren hiked an eyebrow. “If that’s how you’re gonna thank me, sweetheart, I guess I should say ‘you’re welcome’.” He then blinked, shaking his head from one side to the other in quick succession. “Wait,” he said to her, “did you say ‘fight’?”

“Yeah…why?” Annaleigh didn’t need to finish her sentence to understand what he was implying. She locked eyes with him for a split second before the two of them went running off in the direction they had come from shouting “Excuse me” and “Sorry” as they pushed people aside, clearing a path for them

They came back to the area where they had left Michael and Lance to find Lance pinning Rick to the ground, trying to land a punch on him. They were both red in the face, breathing heavily between shouts at each other. Two security guards were trying to keep the crowd back and one was helping Michael to try and pull Lance and Rick away from each other.

“Lance, knock it off,” Darren shouted, rushing forward to help.

“Darren!” Annaleigh watched as Michael and Darren grabbed Lance’s shoulders, trying to pull him off of Rick. She joined the two men and tried to stop her friend from fighting. His body was slicked with sweat, making it hard for any of them to get a good grip on him. “Lance stop.”

“You didn’t hear what he said,” Lance said through clenched teeth, kicking his feet towards Rick. Rick let out a loud swear before managing to untangle himself from the security guard that held him.

Ducking his head, Rick drove his shoulder into Lance’s stomach, knocking them all over. The sound of skin hitting skin hit the air, surrounded by the cacophony of shouts from the spectators, shouts from those on the floor, whistles from the security guards, the music playing through the speakers, and the cheers from the other fights going on in the building.

Darren sudden turned his face towards the ground, grabbing at his eye, teeth clenched in pain. Annaleigh didn’t know what Rick had said to cause his lips to pull back into a sinister grin, but one minute she was struggling to get Lance to her feet and in the second she had single handedly hauled Rick to his feet. She clasped her hands together down at her side before spinning on her heels, swinging her hands up and across his jaw like a bat, knocking him over.

“Hey, that’s enough.” A hand tightly gripped Annaleigh’s arm, pulling her back. Hot breath hit the back of her neck. “Knock it off.”

The fighting quickly ended after that as a swarm of security suddenly came out of nowhere, hauling all  of the fighters to their feet. “Now we’re going to get you checked out by medical aid and then we’re going to have a nice little chat.”

“Uh, this guy might need a hospital.”

Annaleigh looked over at Lance and felt her jaw drop when she saw how pale he was. He was breathing heavily, looking as if he was doing his best to keep his head up. His eyelids were droopy and it looked as if it was taking all of his energy to keep them open. “Lance?” Annaleigh asked quietly.

“I’m fine,” Lance wheezed. Then his eyes rolled up into his head and he passed out.

-12-

UCLA Medical Center

Lance let out a sigh through his nose as he slowly became aware of everything around him. A familiar beep reached his ears and he squeezed his eyes shut, a low groan rumbled in his throat. He blinked his eyes open before shutting them against the harsh light.

Not again.

“I was thinking that myself, Mr. Bass.” Lance shifted his gaze over to Dr. Wilkins who slid his light pen into his pocket before grasping the railing on the side of his bed. Lance blinked in surprise before quickly realizing that he had voiced his thought instead of keeping it in his head. “I would say it nice to see you, but under these circumstances…

“Hmmm.” Lance let out a laugh-hum as his eyebrow twitched upwards. He moved to rub at his eyes, practically stabbing himself with the pulse oximeter on his index finger. He dropped his arms down onto the itchy blanket (feeling a lingering feebleness just from that movement alone) before lacing his fingers together on his stomach. “So what happened?”  He grasped a handful of his diamond patterned hospital gown and scratched at his chest.

“Same thing as last time, your heart couldn’t handle the…fight, was it?” Dr. Wilkins asked, his eyebrows shooting upwards. “Although, looking at the other guy, I can see that you and Miss Carr did more damage than what your heart did to you. This time.”

Dr. Wilkins scratched at the tip of his nose before he started tapping the bone in his thumb joint against the metal railing. “As you may know, you’ve fainted once again, due to your heart palpitations,” he explained. “Everything seems ok, your palpitations doesn’t seem to have occurred too often since the last time I saw you. I asked your friends—“

“What?” Lance asked. The beeping monitoring his heart instantly started to speed up.

“And they said that they haven’t noticed anything different,” Dr. Wilkins continued. He was silent for a moment before he said. “They wondered if they needed to know anything.”

“And you said…?” Lance prompted. Dr. Wilkins was silent for a while before he let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping just slightly.

“That the only thing they need to worry about is your tendency to finish fights with your fists,” he replied in the same tone as if he was trying to force an answer out of him. “And in essence, to watch your blood pressure. It goes hand in hand.”

“Thank you,” Lance said after a moment of silence.

“Doctor-patient confidentiality, Mr. Bass,” Dr. Wilkins replied, scratching the side of his head. “They’re not an immediate member of your family so…”

“Thank you,” Lance repeated his timbre dropping into a soft tone.

“You’re welcome,” Dr. Wilkins replied with a nod of his head. He then moved to sit down on his chair in front of his computer before using his feet to wheel it over towards Lance’s bedside. “You haven’t been returning my calls so I must ask if you’ve thought anymore about this surgery and when you’d be scheduling one.” Lance pressed his lips together and Dr. Wilkins’ eyebrows lowered. “If you’ve even decided on getting one.”

“I just have to figure some things out,” Lance said, his voice cracking just slightly.

Dr. Wilkins bowed his head for a moment before looking back up at Lance. “I can’t force you to make a decision, but I must impress upon you how important it is for you to get this surgery,” he said to Lance, punctuating each word by hitting the side of his hands on the side of Lance’s bed. “The heart palpitations thus far have only been bad on two occasions but if we don’t get this fixed, it’s only going to get worse.”

“Do you have an idea as to how long…?” Lance asked.

“It’s hard to say,” Dr. Wilkins said with a shake of his head. “Maybe it could be a long while from now, maybe not. It’s something we have to monitor which is why it’s imperative that you accurately record each and every time this happens, whether or not you pass out. If you feel lightheaded, out of breath, dizzy and for how long. It all helps.”

“Yes, sir,” Lance replied with a nod of his head.

“Right, well, let me go bring your friends in,” Dr. Wilkins said as he got to his feet. “They’ve been waiting for a while.” He then paused in the doorway before turning back to Lance. “It’d help if you relaxed for a while. Don’t worry about work, don’t worry about any of that, just relax.”

Yeah, right. He knew how things for him worked out. It was damage control time. He was sure news of the fight was floating around the internet somewhere. While he knew Annaleigh was the type to step in and help him whenever he needed it, in any way she could provide, he was sure someone would twist the fact that she ended the fight in a bad way against him. To show that he was weak; that he had it coming.

This was the worst time to just sit and relax. Plus, even in *NSYNC everyone knew it was hard for him to be idle. Hell, he had to have a second cell phone with him at all times to field business calls. If Annaleigh wasn’t working with the band, he would’ve had to have hired a full time assistant instead of having Cindy work for him whenever things got too busy for the two of them. Between her and Annaleigh, things ran smoothly during the craziness that was the peak of *NSYNC’s fame.

Now he was stuck.

Lance settled his head back against his pillows, staring up at the ceiling. Without moving his head, he shifted his eyes downwards to the bandage wrapped around the knuckles on his right hand. He played with the string hanging off of the tape and gently pulled it, looping it around his finger. He watched as the blood filled in the tip of his finger, turning the skin a bright purple until he snapped the string. As he heard the door handle pump open, he scratched at the skin around the area of his IV.

“Hey, Lance,” Darren greeted his friend. Lance held out his hand and Darren slapped his palm into his friend’s. “How are you feeling?” He moved to stand next to the head of Lance’s bed, revealing Michael standing beside him.

Lance cringed, and made a face of embarrassment and annoyance when he heard his heart monitor speed up a second time when he spotted Michael standing closer to the door. “You…” Lance swallowed before trying to speak again. “You didn’t have to come.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were ok,” Michael replied, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He paused before taking a step closer, his hair falling over his face. He looked over at Lance through the floppy hair that fell over his face, shielding his eyes and Lance had the sudden urge to brush the hair away. “A-are you ok?”

“Yeah, what’d the doctor say?” Darren asked.

Lance pushed himself up into a seated position, settling back into his pillows. “I was dehydrated,” he replied, keeping his gaze down on his blankets. He gently pressed on the bandage covering his IV as the lie rolled off his tongue. “With the enclosed space and not eating that well…” He gave a shrug of his shoulders before lifting his head, letting out a small laugh. “Who knew cheat days could hurt you?”

A weak chuckle came forth from the three men in the room. “So how long are you going to be in here for?” Michael asked, wringing his hands together before sliding them into his pants pockets.

“A couple of days I guess,” Lance replied. He lifted his hand and ran his fingers through his hair. “Where’s Annaleigh? And Jazzy and Gabe?”

“Getting her hand checked out,” Darren replied. He started massaging his own wrist with his fingers. “Doctors think she might’ve sprained it, she hit that guy pretty hard.”

“She clocked him,” Michael added before he made a clicking sound with his tongue.

Lance felt a smile of pride come to his face. She hadn’t given the nickname “Tiger Lily” during the No Strings Attached Tour for nothing—she had a sweet disposition for the most part. She sure did stick to her southern routes, no one could deny that. You could be on her good side but one small mistake; talking badly about her friends, or even about her, and your head would be spinning the tongue lashing you’d be receiving. Coupling that with what she was no physically capable of? It was a dangerous combination bubbling inside her small body.

“Jazz and Gabe are stuck in traffic but on their way. Your mom and dad said they’re on their way out here,” Darren added. Lance bit back a ground, swallowing thickly. It was one thing for them to be worried about his sexuality and what that would bring to him, but now this? He had already gotten into one fight because of it, how would they take not only hearing about another one, but of his heart condition to boot?

Being of the medical profession, he wouldn’t be surprised if his dad figured it out first. That’s not to say his mom wouldn’t have any suspicions. Trying to keep a secret from her was pretty impossible once she gave you “the look.” Lance swore all moms had their own version of it, but the minute you saw it, whatever the hell you planned on keeping quiet would come flying out of your mouth faster than you could blink. His mother was very protective of her kids and could tell when even the slightest thing was off with him or Stacey.

“How’d they sound on the phone?” Lance asked.

“Worried,” Darren replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Naturally.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Weren’t too happy to hear what caused the fight to begin with. But, you know your mom.”

“Yeah,” Lance agreed, nodding his head. “Look, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Hey, we’ve always gotten in trouble together when we were kids, why stop now?” Darren asked with a grin.

Lance briefly closed his eyes, laughing along with his friend. His smile faded just slightly as he swallowed the saliva that collected in his mouth. He, Annaleigh, and even Jasmine, had been through a lot together and could overcome a lot of it, but this…he wasn’t sure what would happen to them. When it came down to it, this was one set of trouble he had to deal with himself.

The only thing that mattered now was getting everything settled for his friends and family. They had always come first to him. He would’ve come out a long time ago if he wasn’t so worried about how, not only his family would take it, but how his friends and his *NSYNC brothers would. And most importantly their fans. They had all worked too hard to go through something like that and he didn’t want to be cause for any sort of falling out.

“I’m goin' to go check on Ace and bring her in here,” Darren said, clapping his hands together. “She was practically chewin’ out every doctor that was in here, tryin’ to get answers from them.” He then pointed his finger over at Michael. “You want some coffee or anythin’?”

“Uh, no that’s ok,” Michael replied with a shake of his head. “Thanks, though. I’m not staying long.” Darren gave a nod of his head before making his way out of the room.

Lance shifted his gaze around the room. He reached up to adjust the collar of his hospital gown as it suddenly grew really tight and hot under the collar at Michael’s gaze. “Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Lance replied with a nod of his head. “I just can’t wait to get out of here already.”

“I’ll bet,” Michael agreed with a nod of his head. He, once again, shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I’m glad you’re ok. But, I’m sorry you even got into the fight.” He bowed his head and scratched the back of his neck. “If we hadn’t gone, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Lance said, lifting his hand into the air. “It was fun before all that.” He waved his hand in the air. “Actually, punching the guy was pretty fun, too.” Michael’s lips parted into a brief smile. “Thanks for the tickets. I had a good time.”

His eyes widened slightly. I had a good time. Those were date words. Words you said proceeding the awkward shuffling of the feet and wondering “Who’s going to lean in first?” Lance loudly cleared his throat, turning his face away to hide his embarrassment.

“Do you want some water?” Michael asked. Before Lance could say anything, he moved to find a cup to fill with water. Good thing, too as Lance’s throat suddenly became very dry.

“Ksss,” Lance managed to get out as Michael handed him a plastic cup filled with cool water. He took it as fast as he could, trying to ignore the shock that burned the tips of his fingers as they brushed against Michaels before he lifted the cup to his lips. He took a slow sip, allowing the water to slide into his mouth and fill his cheeks, puffing them up.

“I better get going,” Michael said after a moment of silence. “I’m glad you’re ok.” He then offered an easy going smile. “Maybe we can hang out again. Something less…crazy.”

“Like an art show?” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself. He didn’t know if there were even any art shows being put on, but that was just about the only thing he knew about the guy. Apart from the sudden tidbit of information that he was a model. Not that that idea hadn’t come into his head at some point. Anyone with eyes could see that he was handsome enough to potentially work in that profession.

“I…yeah,” Michael said, his smile widening just slightly as he started taking a step back towards the door. “Sure, that sounds like fun.”

He walked backwards into the small waste basket sitting by the door, catching himself on the door handle. Lance felt a bubble of laughter rise up in his throat, but he quickly squashed it with a swallow as he lifted his hand in farewell. Michael gave one last smile before slipping out the door.

Before he could stop to think about what happened (as he was pretty sure he had unknowingly just asked him out on a date), the door opened again and Annaleigh walked through, a look of annoyance on her face, muttering to herself.

“Shoot, you think you’re tryin’ to break into Watergate or steal the Neil Diamond or something, tryin’ ta get answers out of these people,” she said as she made a beeline to his bedside.

“You mean the Hope Diamond,” Lance corrected her with a small roll of his eyes. “Neil Diamond is a person.”

“Same difference,” Annaleigh replied, waving her hand in the air. Lance pressed his lips together. He couldn’t blame her for her prickly disposition. Having been stuck in the hospital years prior not only going through a bout of dehydration and exhaustion herself, but later on with a ruptured appendix would make anyone go stir crazy. “Dehydration, huh? I shoulda noticed.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Lance said, waving his hand in the air. “We were all having a good time; I didn’t want to slow anybody down.” He had always been that way. Whether it was making his way, slowly, through dance moves or when he and Joey were working on other projects while waiting to work on *NSYNCs next album after Celebrity, he never wanted to be the one person who was holding things back.

“So, what’s the diagnosis?” he asked, nodding his head towards Annaleigh’s bandaged wrist and hand.

“Sprained,” she replied, lifting her left hand. “Luckily it wasn’t my other hand or Justin and JC would have to look for another bass player.” She then stepped closer to him and leaned over his bedside and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You sacred me, James. I’m glad you’re ok.”

“Sorry,” Lance said before taking her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm proud of you, you know, “Annaleigh said as she moved to a kneeling position beside his bed. She rest her arms on the cool railing, settling her chin on the back of her hands. “For how you handled yourself back there.” She gave a toothy smile. “Despite the fact that you needed a girl ta help ya.”

“I’m man enough to admit it,” Lance said with a shrug of his shoulders. “I haven’t told you, but I’m proud of you, too.” Lance watched confusion cloud Annaleigh’s brown eyes. “You've really grown into yourself. It's...sexy." Lance’s lips pulled back into a smile of amusement as he watched Annaleigh’s nose wrinkle. She let out a loud snort. “Seriously.  Confidence has always been a turn on for me. Plus, I figured you'd want to hear it.” He then started talking in a sing-song voice. “And since you wouldn't hear it from Darren-"

"Shut up, Poofu,” Annaleigh said, deadpan. The light dimmed from her eyes and he knew she was shutting down; shying away from the topic once again.

Lance lifted his arm and pinched the bridge of his nose, gritting his teeth. "Look,” he said, getting her attention once more, “I could tell you this 'til I'm blue in the face and you're still not goin' to listen,” he said to her, “but that man is in love with ya. An' you're in love with him. Why won' you do anythin' 'bout it?"

"Careful, Poofu, you just sounded Southern." Annaleigh hiked an eyebrow and Lance copied the movement.

“Give me one good reason why you won’t let yourself be happy,” Lance said adjusting himself against his pillows. “Seriously.”

The teasing look left Annaleigh’s face and she blinked once. “Because you’re not happy,” she replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

“I…what?” Lance asked quietly.

“You’re not happy,” Annaleigh repeated herself. “If you can’t be happy with a guy, why should I be?” Lance opened his mouth but she quickly rushed on. “If there’s anyone out there that deserves to be happy with whomever you choose, it’s you.”

Lance shook his head back and forth, tightly clutching his blanket between the fingers of his injured hand until his finger tips throbbed with pain. “Don’t worry about me, Ace,” he said quietly. “You and D are perfect for each other. Don’t let what time you have with him go to waste.”

“I could say the same for you and Michael,” Annaleigh said, her teasing smile returning. “You fighting like that, talk about sexy.”

“Yeah right,” Lance said with a roll of his eyes.

“No, seriously,” Annaleigh replied. “Plenty of girls, and guys, would love to watch you do that. Covered in sweat, mind you, but still.” Lance let out a loud bark of laughter. “Did you even ask him for his number?”

“Who?” Lance asked. Annaleigh gave him a pointed look. There was a moment of silence when Lance’s nose wrinkled when he made a face. She let out a sigh, emphasizing how pitiful he already felt before reaching into her pocket, holding a wadded up piece of paper between two fingers.

“Good thing I did.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lance said as he took the paper from her. He nodded into the corner of the room. “Get me my wallet?”

“Sure,” Annaleigh chirped, getting to her feet. She crossed the room to his clothes. “D and I are goin’ ta head out soon, let you get some rest, but we’ll bring ya back a change of clothes and anything else ya want from home.”

“How about some food?” Lance asked.

“Whatever you want, hon,” Annaleigh replied with a nod of her head as she reached into his jeans pockets for his wallet.

She found the light brown object and tossed it to him. Lance caught it against his chest before opening it, a business card falling out of the folds. He quickly glanced over at his friend (who was now folding his clothes) before he tucked the business card and Michael’s number into a pocket of his wallet.

He didn’t want to lose either one.

-13-

Bass Home

“You both are drivin’ me absolutely crazy, ya know that?”

Lance looked up at his friend, stopping in the middle of his sit up, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. His ab muscles bulged from his crunched position before he pulled himself up fully. He tugged at the collar of his shirt. “What are you talking about?” he asked before slowly lowering himself back to the floor.

“Well for one thin’, you’re not ‘sposed to be doin’ any strenuous physical activity,” Darren replied, appearing and retreating from Lance’s line of vision as he continued to move through his sit ups.

“They’re sit ups,” he said, deadpan. He stopped a second time, taking in deep breaths of air. “I’m sure my heart isn’t going to explode from that.”

“You never know,” Jasmine chirped from where she was doing sit ups beside him.

Not like he was able to do much more around the house with his friends keeping a constant eye on him. She was the only one who wanted to get up early for a run with him that morning. Or rather, she was the only one who wanted to get up early to keep an eye on him. One simple hospital visit and he couldn’t do anything on his own.

Ok, so it wasn’t a simple hospital visit—the medical bill would definitely attest to that. Nor would his mother’s constant fussing over him since the minute her flight landed. On the one hand, he did enjoy having his parents around and the food was as savory and delectable as ever. On the other hand, he had moved out to California for a reason; A: to continue his career in the entertainment business, B: to immerse himself in an environment where his sexuality was accepted more, and C: to live on his own and take care of himself. There were too many people visiting, stopping by as they “were in the neighborhood” and calling to “see how things were going.”

Not that he could really blame him. The minute news hit about any celebrity going into medical care no matter what the reason, rumors and stories started to fly. The scripture attached to this gem of a news story was pretty dead on: Ex-Pop Star Bass in Brawl. Not the cleverest thing anyone has come up with, but someone was getting a good pay day for their fifteen minutes for being an “eye witness.” Who knew if the person that went to the press was even at the fight that afternoon? Anyone would do anything to not only get a leg up in the industry, but to prove that they had some inside scoop of a “big name.”

“Ok, so who else are you talking about?” Lance asked with a brief roll of his eyes.

“Who else?” Jasmine asked with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows. “He’s talking about Aaaaanaleeeeeeigh.” Lance chuckled along with her.

“And you wonder why after Jazz I never begged mom and dad for another sibling,” Darren said flatly, his cheeks turning a bright pink despite keeping his face as neutral as possible.

“Because I’m so awesome?” Jasmine asked with a bright smile a she stretched her legs out in front o her, bending at the waist to grasp the tops of her shoes, showing off her flexibility. “No one would compare to me.”

“Because I was afraid they’d turn out exactly like you,” Darren instantly replied, making a face at her. Jasmine frowned before sticking her tongue out at him.

“You’re mean,” she said with a pout.

Lance rolled his eyes before putting his face into his sweaty palm. “What’s happening this time?” he asked. “Or not happening, I should say. The usual?”

“I’d talk t’her, but I’ve been havin’ the same gosh darn conversation with her for years,” Jasmine said as she straightened, putting her hands up defensively. “Even this jabber jaw’s gotta give her lips some rest.”

“Speaking of,” Darren said with a wicked grin, “how are things going with you and Gabe?” He laced his fingers together before pushing them out in front of him. “Think I need ta have a talk with that boy. It’s a bit overdue.”

“Don’t you dare,” Jasmine said to her brother, pointing a warning at him. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Sheesh. I’m 24, not 4.”

Lance smiled as he went back to his cool down exercises. He was sure that no matter how old he and his friends got, they would act like little kids when around each other. It was why he had held on to them as tightly as he could. The more stressful things got, the more he tried to find normalcy with them, which wasn’t too hard. He knew they’d always be there for him…and in this case, it was something he was grateful for and something he hated.

“You know Pop would do it,” Darren said, lifting an eyebrow.

Jasmine repeated his words in a high pitched voice. “Doesn’t stop it from being annoyin’,” she muttered. “Besides, you know Gabe, and you know he wasn’ brought up like we were.”

Lance started to loudly breath in and out of his mouth as he continued through his sit ups. As he settled back against the floor, her let out a loud expulsion of air. “If you want my opinion, you’re both, in this moment, driving me up the wall.” Lance sat up and pointed a finger at Darren. “You don’t need to worry about Gabe and you know it.“ Lance then pointed over to Jasmine, “And you can figure out who you do and don’t want to date all on your own, but it does help to have your family like ‘em.”

If only he could sort out his own problems as easily. His family still loved him and wanted him to be happy whether or not he was involved with a guy or a girl, but he knew that things were still new to them. He couldn’t ask for a better family; they chose to learn more about the gay community and had, actually, often asked him if he had found anyone “interesting” yet.

In fact, that was one of the first few questions out of his sister’s mouth when he called her from the hospital. If she could hear his heart monitor speed up at just the thought of Michael through the phone she didn’t let him in on it.

He barely even knew the guy and even the smallest thought of the man made the space behind his belly button ache, and caused him to rewind, pause, and play every instance the artist had been around in his mind, focusing mainly on him asking Michael out on a date. Or something. He still wasn’t sure. He could rewind, play, and play in solo-mo that moment over and over again and he still didn’t have his answer.

It was strange: he knew what being nervous with dating was like. He had gone on plenty of dates with girls, and had fielded many “could you see if so and so likes me” questions from guys and girls alike, but this was different. This was a whole different set of nerves, ones that made him want to throw up and second guess everything he said and thought. If that’s how Jasmine was around Gabe, or Darren and Annaleigh were with each other, he didn’t know how they got rid of the feeling, or accepted, it or denied it, or whatever it was that they did.

“Normally, I’m not the one to be pessimistic, but maybe you should start moving on from Annaleigh,” Lance suggested, folding his hands on his stomach, allowing them to lift and lower with each breath. “Try seeing other people.”

“I’ve suggested that, but he still says he’s going to marry her one day,” Jasmine said as she got to her feet. She reached out a hand and ruffled Lance’s sweaty hair, brushing it off his forehead. “If ya need a runnin’ buddy again, give me a call. I’m gonna take a shower and get some shopping done, then meet Ace and Gabe at the studio then were going out for lunch. We’ll be back later.”

“Mhmm,” Lance hummed as he sat up, draping his arms over his knees. “Thanks, Jazzy.” He rested his cheek on his fist as he stared over at his friend. “You really believe you two are going to get married, don’t you?” He remembered when his friend had first uttered those words to him.

After a long morning at church, they were all itching to beat the summer heat with time at the pond. His parents only allowed him to go if Stacey went to look after them, which she had complained about doing at first. That event they spent catching fireflies in mason jars and Darren whispered those words to him, making Lance promise not to tell anyone else. It was the sole reason he took the time to make fun of Annaleigh day in and day out.

Normally, Lance could see the romantic side to pining for someone for so long, but now he couldn’t see the point. Not in his situation, anyway. Why go through years of pining after someone, hoping for a change in your relationship? Why spend the time and energy getting to know someone and to be with them on more than one level with the big chance that all you’d do is break up? And for him…it was a whole different situation.

He didn’t want to see his friends so miserable.

Darren just gave a half smile. “Can’t imagine being with anyone else,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s as simple as that.”

“How though?” Lance asked, practically throwing his hands into the air. “I don’t get it.”

Darren lifted an eyebrow before he let out a laugh. “You really have it bad for Michael, don’t you?” he asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lance replied, scratching the side of his neck, turning his head away. Despite the air conditioning rolling waves of cool air over his body, causing goosebumps to sprout over his arms and his back, he felt a firey heat climbed up his body starting from his toes to the top of his head. “Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t think I even felt this way about Jake to be honest. I kind of just…fell into things with him. Like, it made sense you know?”

“Proximity,” Darren said with a shrug of his shoulders. “You two had been living together for a while and he helped you learn more about yourself. It’s natural you two would gravitate towards each other.” He settled back against the couch cushions, lifting his feet to set them down on the table, crossing one ankle over the other. “You and Michael?” He let out a low whistle. “That’s something different. Now that you’re out, you don’t have to worry about sneaking around, going in two different entrances and all that. It’ll be normal.”

“Right, like I know anything about ‘normal dating’,” Lance said, using air quotes. He stuck his leg out in front of him, reaching forward to grasp his shoe covered foot. He tucked his other foot into the crook of his leg before stretching forward, stretching the muscles in his back and his leg at the same time. “I mean nowadays, ‘hanging out’ has a different meaning than hanging out.”

“Ha.” Darren let out a single laugh, reaching up a hand to scratch the back of his neck. “I know that’s true.” His smile faded just slightly as a thoughtful look crossed his face.

“What?” Lance asked, shifting his seated position to stretch his other leg.

“Ya helped me realize somethin’,” Darren said, rubbing at his chin.

“What’s that?” Lance asked.

“Ace is scared to be with me,” Darren quietly replied, as if he was talking to himself more than Lance. “Or anyone for that matter.”

Lance let out a single chuckle, his eyebrows shooting up into a look of amusement. “You’re just figuring that one out?” he asked.

“Well, no,” Darren replied, shifting his gaze towards his friend. “But, ya said it yourself, datin’ on the road is very different than dating-dating.” Lance shrugged his shoulders, giving a nod of his head. “Her parents got a divorce, things with Wade didn’ really work out—not to mention they had to sneak around a lot, and then you two—“

“Weren’t really together,” Lance finished in a monotone, “you know that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Darren agreed.

Lance bowed his head, running his hands over his hair before looking up at his friend. “All we really did was make sure we got photographed together and attended events together and stuff like that.” He gave another shrug of his shoulders. “It was a professional thing.”

“So you see my point?” Darren said, dropping his hands onto his knees with a soft clap.

“Not really.” Lance slowly shook his head back and forth.

“Well you should, it also applies to you, too.” Lance made a humming noise in the back of his throat. “I think the reason why you’re making excuses about Michael—“

“I’m not making excuses,” Lance said, interrupting his friend. Not out loud, anyway. Truth be told, in trying to understand whatever was going on, or not going on with Michael, he had come up with a lot of different scenarios as to why things would or wouldn’t work out. For one, he barely knew the guy, but that was what dating and hanging out was for, right? To get to know someone. “Making an excuse is like trying to get out of something and saying you’re going to court because you got caught stealing the cookies from the cookie jar.” Darren gave him a pointed look and Lance put a finger in the air. “I only did that once and mom thought it was so clever I didn’t get in trouble.”

“Who you?” Darren asked with a smirk. “Couldn’t be.”

“Aw, hush.” Lance rolled his eyes as he proceeded to stretch his arms over his chest. Darren chuckled, picking up a couch cushion, throwing it over at his friend. Lance quickly shot out a hand and caught it by the corner before whipping it back at him. “You know what I meant.”

“The point is, both of you are going after people who’s had a lot of experience with dating,” Darren explained. “It’s ok to be nervous or worried about it. Everyone is.”

“Yeah,” Lance quietly agreed, giving a nod of his head. “I know.” Ever since leaving the hospital a couple days prior, he hadn’t talked to Michael let alone seen him apart from the quick and “Um” and “Uh” filled conversations on the phone. “So, you said earlier Annaleigh was driving you crazy? Because she’s still not giving you a shot.”

“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t matter too much now,” Darren agreed. He ran a hand over his face before cupping his chin in the palm of his hand. “I’ll admit I’ve been selfishly pushing the idea on her.”

“Yeah, but, she’s been selfish about this, too,” Lance pointed out to him. “To be honest.” He got to his feet, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. “It’s obvious you’re really into her and while I do, at times, think you’re crazy for still trying to keep going with her, who am I to tell you who you can and can’t have feelings for?” It was easier for him. He was straight; first, last, and always. Sure, there were a few instances where he didn’t think the girl he was seeing was right for him, but Darren never had to worry about what people thought about his love life. “You want my advice? You said you were going to have her make the first move if that’s what she wants, right?”

“Right,” Darren said with a nod of his head.

“Well, have you told her that?” Lance asked, lifting his eyebrows. “As juvenile as it sounds, one of the ways Wade even got Annaleigh’s attention in the first place was after he stopped showing interest in her. Apart from annoying her, I mean, but even then you’ve got a leg up with that you’ve been doing it for years. Plus, you know how she likes to be in control of stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess that’d be best, especially if we’re goin’ ta be livin’ together,” Darren mused aloud. Lance blinked, his eyebrows knitting together just slightly. Darren put his face in his hand for a moment. “She didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Lance asked.

“Annaleigh’s planning on moving home,” Darren replied. “She said she’d help me out at my school with my kids and I’d give her a place to stay.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders. “She also said it’d be easier for her and Gabe to work on their music if they’re in the same place together.”

“Oh,” Lance said. He didn’t know what else to say. One the one hand, he would be supportive of whatever his friends decided to do, but on the other hand, Annaleigh had been living with him for a while. Hell, she had been around him for so long, he didn’t know what it’d be like to not have her around. And he didn’t really want to think about it either. “How long have you known?”

“A couple of days,” Darren replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “But, I think she’s been thinking about it for a little while now.”

“Oh.” Lance swung his arms down by his sides. “Well, that’s great.” He put a smile to his face. “For the both of you, I guess. I shouldn’t be too surprised about hearing a wedding announcement soon, eh?”

“If only,” Darren replied with a smile as he got to his feet. “I’ll start breakfast.”

“At the risk of giving us food poisoning, I’ll get Ace and see if she’ll make us breakfast,” Lance said with a short laugh. Darren rolled his eyes, letting out a sarcastic laugh of amusement. “But, don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to learn.”

“Aw, hush,” Darren said, repeating Lance’s words from before. Lance grinned before making his way out of the living room.

“Morning,” Annaleigh greeted him with a smile, the case to her bass guitar sitting across her back.

“Hey,” Lance said, pausing in his doorway. “D is making breakfast if you want to jump in.” Annaleigh’s eyes widened before she glanced towards the set of wooden stairs. “Well don’t throw yourself down them to get there in time.”

“I was seriously debating it,” Annaleigh muttered. She peered at him as he made his way into his room. “Are you alright? You look a little pink in the face.”

Lance let out a sigh as he crossed his room to his dresser, pulling open a drawer and reaching for a t-shirt. “Exercising,” he replied shortly. “I’m fine if you were dying to know.”

“Come on, James,” Annaleigh said, stepping into the room. She set her guitar down onto the ground, leaning it up against the doorjamb. “Don’t do that. You know we just care about your health.”

“Yeah, I know,” Lance replied with a sigh. He peeled off his sweaty t-shirt before making his way to his bathroom door, pushing it open with his foot. He balled his shirt up in his hands before throwing it across the room to where it landed in his laundry basket. “But, you don’t have to worry, really.”

Annaleigh snorted. “Because your recent trip to the hospital backs you up, Basshole,” she said, earning a small smile from him despite his growing annoyance.

“I was dehydrated, Anal-leigh” Lance said, putting a hand to his hip, using his other hand to slide his fingers through his hair. “You know how hot it was at that fight.”

“James, I know something is wrong,” Annaleigh said, crossing her arms over her chest, stepping farther into the room. “Are you mad at me or something?” Lance gave her a look of confusion in reply. “Then why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Did I do something to stop you trusting me with whatever’s going on in your life?”

Lance swallowed, taking a deep breath through his nose. His heart panged in his chest, but with a different kind of pain. The pain of sadness and guilt. Those were the same words she had said to him right before he had come out to her.

“When were you going to tell me you were moving back home?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly as he finally spoke. Annaleigh blinked, surprised at the sudden change of topic. She narrowed her eyes just slightly.

“Before ya got yourself put in the hospital,” Annaleigh replied, her jaw setting just slightly. “I was goin’ to tell you, but I didn’t want to put any stress on you or anything.”

“I’m fine,” Lance said, throwing his hands into the air. “My heart is fine.”

“So you say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When are you goin’ to tell me what’s wrong? I know somethin’s wrong and it’s scarin’ me that you won’t tell me,” Annaleigh asked. Lance brushed past her, making his way to his closet. They were going to keeping going in circles with this conversation and never get to an end. He reached behind the door and grabbed his gym bag from the floor. “You’re my best friend, James. I’m worried. We all are.”

“A friend would tell me they were plannin’ on movin’ out,” he called.

“I couldn’ find a good time to tell ya,” Annaleigh said, her voice getting slightly higher pitched. “It’s no big deal. You wanted me to finally stop being so terrified of everythin’ and to give Darren a chance.” He made a humming noise in the back of his throat as he tossed his bag onto his bed. “I can’t do that here. Plus, Gabe is already livin’ out there and then we can really focus on our music and everythin’.”

“Don’t you like it out here?” Lance asked, looking her in the eye, crossing his arms over his chest

“Of course I do. You know I do,” Annaleigh replied, her shoulders dropping just slightly. Her whole body seemed to slump as if from the weight of his words. “I just don’t get why you kept telling me to give Darren a chance and now that I’m trying you think it’s a bad idea.”

“It’s not that, I was just asking why you were going,” Lance said with a heavy sigh. Then what was it? He was scared of being by himself again? She was always around whenever his relationships went up or down and didn’t know what to do without out her? He needed her more than he realized? He thought he’d be leaving her, not the other way around? None of the above? All of the above? “Ya don’t get it.”

“Then tell me.” Annaleigh twisted her mouth to the side when Lance didn’t answer right away. She let out a huff of air. “You’re not bein’ fair.” For a brief moment as Lance looked over at her, she was the little girl that followed him around everywhere doing what he was doing. She would stomp her foot and pout and say in those same words more in a whine than a statement.

Lane didn’t answer as he moved around the room, packing his gym bag. Shoes, shirt, shorts, socks, he was moving on autopilot, grabbing everything his hands landed on and shoving them into the open space.

Fair. Like it was fair for him to have everyone judge him when they didn’t even know him? Like it was fair for him to be punished for being the way he was? It wasn’t fair at all. She didn’t deserve how he was treating her, no one in his life deserved it, but it was the easiest way out. She had gone through a part of her life where she tried hard to push people away. Why couldn’t he?

“You know what?” Lance asked, briefly stopping in what he was doing. “Just forget it.”

“James—“

“Just go back home, alright? Run away. Do whatever you gosh darn want. It’s what ya do best, anyhow.”

Annaleigh was silent for a long moment, peering over at him. Her lips parted with a small pop and she said quietly, “I’m not runnin’ away this time. I’m finally runnin’ towards somethin’.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Talkin’ ‘bout runnin’, what do you think you’ve been doin’ all these years?”

“Just leave, Ace,” Lance said, roughly zipping his backpack shut. “Seriously. Y’ain’t involved so stay out of it.”

“Fine!” Annaleigh let out a huff before storming out of the room, roughly puling her bass guitar behind her.

“Fine!” Lane shouted back as the door slammed shut. He closed his eyes, tilting his head back towards the ceiling. It was anything but.

-14-

“So…how’s Lance doing?”

“Why don’t you ask him your damn self?” Annaleigh snapped. I'm gettin' sick and tired of that question. She stopped tapping her pen against the notebook and looked up into JC’s look of surprise and shock. A long sigh rolled out of her mouth, her shoulders slumping. “Sorry, Josh.”

“Hm. That bad?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows. His lips turned upwards into a small smile. Out of reassurance or amusement, or to coax her into talking, she wasn’t sure, but Annaleigh’s annoyance spiked just looking at it.

“He’s doing well from what I can see,” Gabriel spoke up, brushing his hair off his forehead.

Annaleigh let out a loud laugh as she turned in her swivel chair at the soundboard of the recording studio to face the couch her brother was sitting. “From what you can see of him,” she said with a grin. “You know, when your vision isn’t altered by the moony eyes you throw in Jazzy’s direction every chance you get.”

“I seem to remember you giving Wade those same moony eyes,” Gabriel shot back with a scowl. JC’s eyes widened just slightly as he looked back and forth between the siblings. Gabriel’s face contorted as he winced. “I’m sorry, I—“

“It’s fine,” Annaleigh replied with a sigh, putting her hand in the air. She nodded over in JC’s direction and repeated, “It’s fine.” She rolled her eyes as the two boys scrutinized her. “Seriously, it is. Six years is long enough to focus on one event in my life, right?”

“Uh, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t,” JC pointed out to her, pointing a pen in your direction. “You had Chris terrified of corners for a year and a half just because he took the last brownie. Dwelling is pretty much your middle name.”

“It does come in handy thought when you want to prove to someone that you’re right about something,” Gabriel added, earning a small chuckle from JC.

“Ha, ha, ha.” Annaleigh rolled her eyes.

“I’m not complaining,” Gabriel replied as he lifted his hand into the air.

Annaleigh swung her gaze back to JC. “And, dude, I called that brownie!” Annaleigh replied, her eyebrows shooting up. “It’s the law of dibs.” She held her hands up in front of her, palms facing each other, shoulder width apart before shifting them off to the side. “You take my brownie; you’re runnin’ the risk of being stabbed.”

“With a spoon?” he asked.

“I was goin’ to make a brownie sundae,” Annaleigh said, her voice getting more high pitched.

JC let out a sigh through his nose before setting down his pen. He moved some of the knobs and switches on the soundboard before turning away from it. “Clearly, we’re not going to get a lot of this done today,” he murmured aloud. An apology was on the tip of Annaleigh’s tongue, but JC waved a hand in the air, giving her an amused smile.

JC could be as serious as all get out, but he knew when it was time to take breaks and to relax and be a laid back about things. He was the one Annaleigh would go to if she wanted to vent to someone (whether or not she needed advice) and was sure that she would be listened to. When it came to his friends, he was also one to joke around with them, and do his best to never hold a grudge against them, or take what they say too seriously. He could roll with the punches when the time called for it.

“Wait,” Gabriel said, his eyebrow twitching upwards. A wide smile crossed his face as he looked back and forth between JC and his half-sister. “No way! You’re actually finally going to do something about you and Darren.”

“I didn’t say that,” Annaleigh quickly replied, shifting her gaze back down to the notebook in her hand. She started drawing circles and swirls on the lined page. “Who said that?”

“That heart might have tipped him off,” JC said with a snort as he tapped the pad of his finger next to her pen tip. Annaleigh paused for a moment before taking the pen and drawing a single stripe against his skin. “Heyyyy.” He licked his thumb and wiped off the ink before using the hem of his shirt to clear it from his skin. “So, does this have to do with why you’re being such a spitfire today? Emphasis on the fire?”

“Not…technically,” Annaleigh replied. JC’s chest swelled as he sucked in a deep breath of air, giving her a pointed look. She widened her eyes in innocence as she felt a rush of heat crawl up her neck and burn the tips of her ears and the top of her head.

“Annnaaaaa,” Gabriel said, holding out her name, goading her into talking. Annaleigh shot him an annoyed look. He knew she was going to move back home to Mississippi, and the twinkle in his eye proved it. Whether or not he was catching up on all the years missed he could use his brotherly duty to annoy her, she wanted to throttle him in that moment.

“Y’all ain’t going to drop this subject are you?” she asked. Gabriel shook his head back and forth. JC pressed his lips together in response. Annaleigh let out a huff of annoyance.

“Well, I knew you were going to Mississippi,” JC pointed out to her, pressing his elbow into the arm rest of his chair, angling his head to press his cheek into his fist. “But, something tells me I’ve missed something.”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m just…goin’ to…moveinwithDarrenwhenIgohome.” Annaleigh finished the rest of her sentence in a rush before rapidly flipping the pages of her notebook to a page filled with her slanted, yet loopy, handwriting. “We should get back to work.” She got silence in reply, but she could feel Gabriel and JC staring at her.

She looked up at the two of them through her long hair and instantly regretted it. JC’s lips slowly parted before he took in a wheezy sounding breath, as he tiled his head back and proceeded to fall into a fit of laughter. “It’s about time,” he said, clapping his hands together, bending forward at the waist. His face was a bright red. “I’ll be honest, I never thought your ‘Will she, won’t she’ thing would ever come to an end.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence,” Annaleigh muttered, running a face of her hand. She made a face before wiping her clammy hand on her jean clad thigh. Her knee started bouncing as her ankle bobbed, as she pressed her weight onto the ball of her foot.

“I’m sorry,” JC replied, putting his hands up defensively. His laughter slowly faded and he coughed once before putting a hand to his chest. “Sorry. You two are just always so…hot and heavy around each other.”

“Tepid and careful would be my words of choice,” Gabriel deadpanned. Annaleigh stuck her tongue out at him before throwing her pen across the room.

“Hey, you know the rule,” JC said, sitting up in his seat, pointing a finger back and forth between the two siblings. “No throwing things; even if you get frustrated, even if you have writer’s block.”

“Hey, I think it’s good you’re finally giving him a chance,” Gabriel said, putting his hand in the air. “Really. You deserve to be happy.”

“Both of you,” JC added and Gabriel gave a nod of his head. “Plus, he’s been waiting for you for so long, even I could see that when I first met him. If that’s not love than I don’t know what is.” Annaleigh couldn’t help but laugh as he started quietly singing, “I want to know what love is.” She lifted her foot and gave a hard kick at his swivel chair, succeeding in pushing her away from him, his weight keeping him immobile. “But, I still don’t understand why you’re mad at Lance.”

“He got mad that I didn’t tell him about wanting to move home, and then I got mad at him for not telling me what’s wrong with his heart,” Annaleigh replied. JC’s eyebrows furrowed together.

“How do you know it’s his heart?” he asked, suddenly looking…unsettled.

“Yeah, the doctor didn’t say anything about it,” Gabriel replied and Annaleigh gave them a pointed look. “Or Lance for that matter, but that’s not too much of a surprise.”

“If it wasn’t heart related, the doctor wouldn’t say anythin’ about ‘no strenuous activity’ and ‘keep an eye on him’ and blah, blah, blah,” Annaleigh said, throwing her hands in the air. She quickly slapped it down as she jostled her notebook, stopping it before it slid off her lap. She started tapping her pen repeatedly against the paper. “Something’s wrong. I just know it.”

Gabriel made a humming sound in the back of his throat, but JC stayed silent. Annaleigh looked over at him and watched as her friend silently rubbed his chin. His tongue partially poked out between his lips before he pulled it back, bringing his bottom lip into his mouth, biting down on it.

“What?” she asked.

“Not to dismiss your worry or anything,” JC slowly replied. He was talking slowly, choosing his words carefully, “but I think it’d be best for you to leave.” Annaleigh’s eyebrows slowly lifted as she contorted her face into an “Excuse me?” look. “Come on, Ace, you two have been around each other for so long. I mean…I think the only reason either of you got mad is because you don’t know how to be apart.”

“Meaning?” Annaleigh asked.

“You’re each other’s security blankets,” JC instantly replied as if the words were on his mind and he was just waiting for the chance to say them. “You’re comfortable around each other and you don’t have to worry about anything because you’re so…” He trailed off, cringing just slightly.

“In sync?” Gabriel supplied for him with a half smile. Annaleigh chuckled.

“For a lack of a better term, yes,” JC agreed with a nod of his head. He shifted his eyes towards the ceiling for a brief moment, slightly shaking his head back and forth. “Anyway, it’s what you’ve been used to all your life. When things got hard at home, you went in search for what could bring you comfort and ultimately, that was Lance.” A far off look crossed his face for a brief moment. He cleared his throat and shifted his seated position. “And like I had said a long time ago, when we were still touring, I hadn’t seen him look as natural as he did when you were around.”

Annaleigh gave JC a warm smile. Truth be told, she always felt like she was home when she was around Lance. Times did get hard on the road, but to have a sense of familiarity, someone who understood where she came from was like bringing home with her. Lance made sure he took the time to listen to her worries, and she made sure she could do the same for him.

“But, everyone needs to leave their comfort zone at some time,” JC said to her. He looked over at Gabriel. “Right? I mean, you left home where it was just you and your mom, travelled all the way across the United States just to get to know your sister.”

“Under the guise that you were just a new member of the band,” Annaleigh added.

Gabriel widened his eyes just slightly as the attention was suddenly put on him. “So it wasn’t one of my better ideas, sue me.” He waved a hand in the air. “Besides, I’m not the best person to have as a backup, C. My comfort zone and I are never far apart enough where he can’t swing by from time to time.” He stretched his arms out on the couch, crossing one leg over the other. JC sighed, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“You’re a terrible influence on your sister,” JC said, deadpan.

“I’m her half-brother, so I only have the responsibility of being a good influence for half the time,” Gabriel replied with a smirk. Annaleigh tilted her head back, letting out a part-gleeful, part-evil “Hee, hee, hee, hee.”

JC rolled his eyes, keeping the smile on his face. “In all seriousness, I think you both just got mad at each other because you’re both scared of not being around each other after all this time,” he said.

Annaleigh was silent as she bobbed her head back and forth; taking in what it was that he was saying. She was scared of going back to Mississippi. She had told just about everyone that she would leave Clinton with a successful career. It wasn’t that she really dreamt of never going back, it was her home after all, she just didn’t think she’d be going back after 2 short years with *NSYNC. But, no one saw their hiatus coming, not even the boys themselves. She couldn’t fault them for that, but it seemed like she was going back with her tail between her legs.

It wasn’t like there wasn’t anything good to go back home to. Or anyone. She and her dad had a better relationship no, and she got to see her mom more often. She supposed she should give Elizabeth a chance after all these years. She was polite and cordial with the woman, not only because of her history with her own family, but because she was first and last, Gabriel’s mother and she had a good relationship with her half-brother.

In all honesty, she didn’t know if she’d ever really be comfortable knowing that she was the woman her dad had had an affair with. Gabriel had pretty much chewed her out for blaming just her for her parents’ failed marriage and not her dad as well, so she tried hard not to bring the subject up around him. But, she idolized her dad…

The same way Gabe idolizes his mom. Annaleigh slowly blinked as the thought came crashing to the front of her skull. When did family stop being so important to you? It was something she had grown up learning, “No one will be there like your family.” As far as she could see it, her family had grown bigger than her blood line indicated.

More things had to change when she went home.

 “But, if you want some advice from me,” JC continued, causing Annaleigh to snap back to attention, “you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to but, I’d move back home.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Music will always be around—“ he fixed her with an intense gaze from his blue eyes, “but people won’t.”

---

Lance sucked in a deep breath of air before lifting the small card in his hands. The edges poked into the pads of his forefinger and thumb as he peered at the slanted, quick handwriting giving the address of this…very quaint looking building.

He lifted his free hand and slid his thumb underneath the strap that cut into his shoulder, letting out a sigh of relief as the pressure—at least one source of it—was lifted from his shoulders. The ground crunched under his shoes as he made his way up the rock sprinkled winding driveway.

The high elevation did give a sense of security and isolation to the area. With the next houses not too close, you managed to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city. It was why Lance had considered buying a house up here to begin with. It was another way for him to hide out, and to keep to himself. But, he knew he couldn’t live that way forever. Plus, at the time, Jake wasn’t the biggest fan of heights.

Lance stopped, a scraping sound filling the air as. Whoa. When was the last time he had even thought about his ex? Before everything with his heart. Before the party. Before he met Michael. Lance felt his heart skip a beat in the best way in that moment, leaving a sort of tickling feeling in his chest. He lifted his hand and massaged the area with his open palm. The man annoyed him—but why—and put him at ease all at the same time.

No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, he could see attractive qualities in Michael; ones that you’d have to be blind not to see. Now, having the ability to take your eyes off him for more than five minutes? He’d pay a lot to figure out that little secret.

You can’t think about that, Lance. Lance squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head back and forth like he was shaking water from his hair. Not now.

He pressed his weight into his feet before pushing himself forward, stopping himself from turning back around, getting in his car, and looking for anything and everything that could potentially interest Michael. Not that he’d look just with him in mind or anything like that. At least he tried hard not to think of it that way. He had left the house on bad terms with Annaleigh, he didn’t want to have her go to Mississippi that same way; they had gone through too much to just let an argument hang like that.

Or maybe that was the problem. A low growl rumbled in Lance’s throat as he shook his head a second time. He pressed his lips together before turning to look out across the open space around him. His chest swelled as he sucked in a deep breath of air, slowly letting it out through his nose. Crushing the card in his fist, he spun on his heels and made his way towards the front door of the home, the bulk of his bag striking against the back of his leg with each step

His shirt stuck to him just slightly, a light sheen of sweat covering his body as the sunlight cut through the dry air. He lifted his hand and rapped his knuckles on the door before he jabbed the pad of his thumb into the doorbell. He took a step back, adjusting his bag on his shoulder—moving it from one side to the other.

Heavy footsteps were heard on the other side of the door before a heavy click split the air. The doorknob turned and the door was pulled open with a swoosh. Rick’s eyebrows shot up as he crossed his arms over his chest, stepping out of the foyer and onto the porch.

“’Bout time,” he commented, He used his shoulder to scratch at his forehead. “I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to show up.” He leaned to one side, looking around him. “Didn’t bring your bodyguards with you?”

Lance fought the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he pushed a half-smile, half-smirk to his face. “You’re looking to being popped in the jaw by the same girl, twice?” he asked. Rick’s smile faded just slightly.

“It’s no wonder you have her around,” he commented, deadpan. “She’s strong enough to fight your battles for you.”

But not her own, Lance thought to himself, feeling his lips twitch. “Not anymore,” Lance replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m ready to fight my own battles.”

“Good,” Rick replied with a nod of his head before angling his head to the side, indicating the house. “We’ll have you in the ring in no time. Do you have any preference on whom you go against?”

“How about you?”Lance asked, tilting his head to the side just slightly. Rick let out a laugh, shaking his head back and forth as he reached for the door handle. He pushed the door open and stepped inside, motioning for Lance to follow him.

“Down boy,” Rick said, holding the door open for him. Lance’s footsteps echoed around the high ceiling of the foyer. The sound of the front door slamming shut bounced after it. “You only get one sucker punch on me before I start punching back and I don’t think you’re ready for that yet.”

Lance held back the urge to let out a single “Ha.” He could say that about a lot of things in his life. His mom didn’t think he was ready to go to Orlando for NSYNC and that turned into a bigger deal then he ever thought it’d be. He didn’t think he was ready for a serious relationship with a male, but when things with Jake clicked, it clicked.

“Nice place,” he said, changing the subject.

“Thanks,” Rick replied, looking unimpressed as he lifted a brow to look gaze around the foyer. “Anyway.” He sucked in a breath of air before making his way in a line towards the back of the house. Lance followed him through the house, onto the back porch, and across the grass to what looked like a large shed. As they got closer, he could hear muffled shouts and whistles coming from inside.

Lance swallowed thickly as they reached the door. Rick rapped his knuckles on the door in two quick successions before he pulled the door open and stepped into the dark room. The loud shouts rang in his ears shortly followed by a groan and a loud “Ohhhhh!”

Floorboards groaned and squeaked as Lance took small steps forward as his eyes adjusted to the dark room. There was a balcony of sorts leading out from the stairs where a couple of men stood, leaning over the side. They merely glanced at him as the door slammed shut behind them.

Light flickered below and Lance stepped to the wooden railing to see a circle of men encasing a giant circle of fencing, lights shining down on the two fighter in the center of the room. The smell of sweat and the metallic smell of blood hit his nose, making Lance recoil. His stomach pitched and a low groan slipped past his lips as he lifted a hand to cover his mouth.

What was he getting himself into?

He still had time to leave. Just turn around, walk back to his car, and settle in for a nice and relaxing day with his friends. Just forget any of this ever happened and he could-- “Hey, listen up!” Crap.

Rick’s voice instantly cut through the cacophony of sound as he made his way down the stairs. “We’ve got a new challenger if anyone’s looking for a fight.” He angled his head in Lance’s direction. He felt his face burn as everyone turned to look at him. Whispers started swirling around him.

He was used to whispers, but not like this. They felt different. From excited—and admittedly somewhat nosy—girls wondering if he really was the Lance Bass whenever he tried to walk around outside, being normal was one thing. It kind of made him stand taller, walk with his shoulders back a bit more, and to in general just be better. It was cool and yes, sometimes it did stroke his ego, but he was always surrounded by people who helped make sure he his ego didn’t get too big.

After all, everyone wanted him to be the person they all saw him to be.

And that Lance was humble, confident, and straight.

“This is Lance Bass and he thinks he’s ready to take on one of you,” Rick continued. A loud snort hit the air.

“The same one that knocked your lights out?” someone called, earning a laugh that moved around the room like a wave.

“I thought that was a girl.”

“Even worse.” The wave of laughter came a second time, louder, longer. Even Lance could feel his lips twitching in amusement.

“Yeah, so...whoever wants to fight him.” Rick’s eyes suddenly went half-lidded as if he was bored and he waved his hand in Lance’s direction. “Be my guest.” He swallowed thickly, reaching out his hand to grasp the wooden railing, pressing his finger nails into the top, trying to move the tension from his shoulders—which were now settled around the bottom of his chin—to the railing.

Silence filled the room. Part of him wanted someone to speak up, he had already taken the time to head out there, and he had been training…but on the other hand, he hoped he could just leave. It was like he was in the NSYNC audition room all over again. One minute he was confident in himself and what he could do, but the next, he wondered if he was just way over his head and wasting everyone’s time.

But, if I could make it in NSYNC…

“I’ll fight him,” a voice called. Lance blinked, a rush of air rushing past his lips in a gasp. He couldn’t see who talked, and he leaned over the railing, looking to see who it was that was volunteering. He sounded almost…friendly. “Everybody’s gotta start somewhere.”

“Alright, Lance, you’ll be fighting Spark Plug,” Rick announced. “There are rooms down here, take as much time as you need to get ready.” He lifted his head to look over at Lance and his lips twitched. Out of amusement, or if he wanted to give him some tips or anything of the sort, he wasn’t sure, but before Lance knew it, he had changed out of his shirt and jeans and was standing in his tennis shoes, a pair of shorts, and with tape wrapped around his wrists in the center of the metal ring.

Lance bounced from foot to foot, shaking out his arms. Spark Plug was built like a brick wall—and as tall as one—and Lance could already tell it was going to feel like running into him. His muscles were so large on his shoulder and upper arms; it looked like they were permanently attached to his neck. That’s not to say the rest of his body wasn’t bumpy either. The barbed wire tattoo around his fat bicep looked more like a spikey snake, waiting to squeeze the life out of him. His eyes glittered, reflecting the swinging lights.

“Come on! Lay him out!”

“Take him down.”

With the twitch of Spark Plug’s nostrils, he suddenly charged forward, each step even more thundering than the last one, rocking his stomach from side to side. Spark Plug pulled back his fist before shooting it forward. Lance quickly pulled his arms up in and X, blocking the punch, felling the warm skin of his opponent slide off his forearm as he lost his balance. Taking a step forward, Lance drove his right knee upwards and into the hard set of abs.

He blinked, startled at the pain in his knee cap as a grunt was heard over the shouts from those watching the fight. Eyes widening in wonder and surprise at his reflexes, Lance took a couple quick steps back from Spark Plug who lunged at him again. Sharp pain shot up Lance’s arm, settling in his wrist as he deflected another punch.

And then the edges of his vision went dark.

His stomach burned as the breath of air held in his lungs were forcefully expelled by the foot pressed into his stomach. Gasping for air, Lance stumbled back, colliding with the fence behind him, a loud rattling sound sending shockwaves through his teeth. His fingers tightly grasped the links to the fence as his knees buckled.

Hold on. Hold on. Split slid down the corner of his mouth. His eyes slammed shut as the burning sensation in his stomach intensified with each deep breath he tried to take.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Spark Plug asked, standing above him, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet. “I thought you wanted a real fight, Half Pint.”

Lance’s jaw suddenly ached, he was gritting his teeth so hard. He shifted his eyes upwards towards Spark Plug, a roaring sound filling his ears, blocking out the shouts, screams and taunts that closed in on him. A bubble of anger rose in his chest, sitting behind his rib cage. After taking in a deep breath of air, it popped and he swung his leg upwards, tightly gripping the fence behind him to hold himself up.

A click was heard as Spark Plug’s head went shooting backwards, his eyes slamming shut in pain. With a loud shout, Lance pushed off the fence and planted his left foot on the ground, kicking his right leg out, bending just slightly as he landed a roundhouse kick to the man’s chest. He stumbled backwards and Lance took the open opportunity.

Punch after punch, kick after kick, he fought back as hard as he could. His muscles moved on auto pilot as they formed the combinations and moves he had been taught. And then he was on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His hands firmly grasped Spark Plug’s right hand, pulling his arm upwards between his legs, his legs locked around the appendage, resting on Spark Plug’s chest.

He felt three quick taps on his legs and an air horn sound. Lance immediately relaxed his grip, his arms dropping down beside him on the concrete flooring. His chest heaved as he gasped for air. He swallowed repeatedly, trying to wet his dry throat.

He had won.

Cheers filled the air, punctuated by “Booos” as Spark Plug rolled away from him.

Lance’s lifted his arm and wiped the sweat that collected on his upper lip. As the yellow tape around his hands scratched against his nose a triumphant smile slowly spread across his face.

-15-

“Thank you for lunch today, Annaleigh,” Diane Bass said, giving Annaleigh’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Oh, it’s my pleasure, Miss Diane,” Annaleigh said with a smile as she pulled open the door to the Hard Rock Café, ushering her and Jasmine inside. “You needed to get out here once before headin’ back home.”

“Ahh, a day free of men,” Jasmine said with a smile as she pushed her sunglasses up into her hair. “Just what the doctor ordered.” Annaleigh snorted. As if she wouldn’t trade it for the chance to spend time with Gabe had it come up. They all needed a day free of worrying about Lance, though. There was some tension with Lance’s constant insisting that he was ok and everybody just wanting to look out for him. It was enough to have anybody go stir crazy.  

“Hi,” the hostess said with a bright smile as they walked up to her stand, “how many in your party today?”

“Just three today,” Annaleigh replied, adjusting the strap of her purse on her shoulder, “under the name Carr.”

The woman slid her finger down a list before tapping her finger tip next to a name. “Yup, I’ve got it right here.” She grabbed three menus from the side of her stand before tilting her head to the side, indicating for them to follow her. She zig zagged her way past tables stopping at a station to grab silverware on the way before coming up to a booth. “Here you go, ladies,” she said as she set the menus down onto a table, “I hope you enjoy your time here today.”

“Thank you,” Jasmine chirped sliding into one side of the booth, with Diane sitting next to her. Annaleigh slid into the booth opposite the two of them.

“Could I get anything for you to drink?” she asked.

“A sweet lemonade for me, please,” Annaleigh replied, setting her purse down between herself and the wall.

“That sounds good,” Jasmine said as she opened her menu.

“That would be three lemonades, please,” Diane said with a warm smile.

“Alright, I’ll give you time to look over the menus and be back soon with your drinks.” The woman quickly jotted down their drink order on a small notepad she retrieved from her pocket. She gave them all a small nod before heading back towards the front of the restaurant.

“The music is a bit loud in here,” Diane commented as she settled into her seat. She then waved her hand in the air, chuckling. “That could just be me. I know how loud y’all like listening to your music.” Annaleigh caught Jasmine’s eye across the table and lifted her menu over her face to stop herself from laughing out loud.

“You can order whatever you’d like today, it’s my treat,” Annaleigh announced as she quickly scanned the menu. She decided on a barbeque bacon cheeseburger and set down her menu, folding her hands on top of the table as she waited.

As they waited for a waiter or waitress to return with their drink orders, the three conversed in the weather, Mr. and Mrs. Bass’s trip to California and how things were going back home. Annaleigh was only half listening and joined in the conversation here and there. There was too much on her mind; she had asked them there to tell them her plans of moving back home. She knew they’d be excited, happy and supportive of her decision, like they had been when she first announced that she was going to leave Mississippi to join *NSYNC’s live band.

She tuned back in when she heard her brother’s name. Jasmine was turned in her seat, facing Diane as she talked. “We’ve just really been getting along well, lately,” she was saying. She tilted her head to the side, using her hand to prop her head up. “More so than usual, but I’m really liking spending time with him.”

“That’s wonderful to hear,” Diane said, reaching out a hand to brush Jasmine’s hair from her face. “Gabe is a nice young man.”

“Oooh,” Annaleigh said with a teasing smile. “I didn’ know things were getting so serious between the two of you.”

“It’s not, I don’ think,” Jasmine said, her smile fading in the corners just slightly. “We’re just hangin’ out.”She exaggeratedly tossed her hair over her shoulder and Annaleigh laughed. “We all can’t have the ‘Will they, won’t they’ type of relationship like you and Darren have. Honestly, when you told me he kissed you, I didn’ believe it. I thought for sure it’d be another few years.”

Annaleigh’s lips twitched and she instantly reached for her lemonade. She lifted the glass to her lips and took a long sip, the sides of her jaw hurting as the sugar shot through her salivary glands. “Mmm, this is good,” she mused aloud.

Jasmine’s eyes narrowed just slightly as she set down her menu. “You’re makin’ small talk,” she commented, pointing a finger in her best friend’s direction. The tip was a light pink, looking darker as the sunlight shined in through the window.

“Is that weird?” Annaleigh asked after she smacker her lips.

“For you, dear?” Diane replied with a gentle smile, shaking out her napkin before placing it in her lap. “Yes.” Annaleigh made a humming sound and Jasmine’s eyes narrowed just slightly, scrutinizing her friend. Annaleigh lifted her eyebrows, trying to keep her face as neutral as possible.

Jasmine, however, was always one to know who was causing the gossip mill to run dry and would push and prod until she got all the information she wanted and all with a smile on her face; usually it left those trying to stay tight lipped confused as to how they cracked so easily.

“There’s somethin’ you’re not telling me,” she pushed, talking in a sing-song voice. She laced her fingers together, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the table. “I can tell.”

“Elbows off the table, please,” Diane commented, tapping at Jasmine’s forearm with the pads of her fingers.

“Sorry.” Jasmine walked her elbows off the end of the table, pressing her weight against her forearms to keep them up against the side of the table. “Spill it, girl.”

“Ok, ok, ok,” Annaleigh said with a sigh. It was better not to draw out a conversation like this with her. She palmed her forehead. “I haven’t even told Lance this, ok?” She ran her hand up over her face and over the top of her head, frowning as a smile lifted the corners of Jasmine’s lips. “Well, ya don’ have to get too excited about it.”

“Hey, if you haven’t even told Lance, it’s a big deal,” Jasmine replied, putting her hands up defensively before she snapped her fingers with a loud pop. Diane lifted an eyebrow before it settled and she twisted her mouth to the side staying silent, albeit looking interested.

Annaleigh let out a sigh. “The time you all think was the first time Darren and I kissed…wasn’t the first time,” she slowly replied, her face scrunching up as the words came out of her mouth. Jasmine’s eyes on the other hands got increasingly wider with each word before she slapped her hands down onto the table.

“Shut. Up.” She leaned forward over the table and Annaleigh grasped her glass of tea before she knocked it over. “Nuh-uh.” Diane’s eyebrows twitched, but continued to stay silent.

“I’m being serious,” Annaleigh replied. She sat back until she felt the cushions of the booth press into her back. “Remember when Miss Elaine got married and she invited the congregation to the reception?”  Jasmine nodded. “Remember when you couldn’t find me for part of it?”

“Yeahhh.” Jasmine held out the word.

Annaleigh could remember that day vividly. She was eleven years old and hated having to wear the itchiest spring dress for the nuptials due to the blades of grass that slid down it with each roll she took down the hill of the grassy clearing that afternoon.

She had only been warned so many times not to get grass stains on her good dress, but she wouldn’t pass up the chance to run around barefoot on the cool grass…and maybe show the boys what was what from time to time. Nevertheless, she had made sure to stop and pick up as many flowers as she could find for a bouquet for her mom to soften the blow. She’d rather be knee deep in cow dung than get a tongue lashing once she returned home.

“Nice bouquet.”

Annaleigh straightened from her crouched position and tilted her head back, her side braid slipping off her shoulder as she did so. She brushed her arm with the palm of her hand, frowning as she looked up at Darren who was crouched on the lowest, strongest branch.

“Ooooh.” She pointed her finger up at him. “Your momma’s goin’ to get mad at you. Messin’ up your nice clothes.”

“Sure, Miss Roly-Poly.” Darren rolled his eyes before jumping out of the tree, landing on the soft ground with a thump. “Who’s the groom?”

Annaleigh stuck her tongue out at him. “Not you,” she replied. She stuck her nose in the air, hugging her bouquet to her chest.

“Wait a minute.” Jasmine lifted her hands in the air before turning to give their waiter a bright smile in thanks as they set her grilled chicken sandwich down in front of her. “I thought you always liked my brother. I don’t get why but still.”

“You interrupted my story to insult your brother?” Annaleigh asked, her eyebrows shooting upwards. She then gave their waitress a smile. She put her nose close to her bacon cheeseburger and smiled as she took in a deep smell. “Thank you, miss.”

“Yes, thank you.” Diane reached for the napkin-wrapped silverware. “This all looks delicious.”

“Just holler if you need anything else.” The waitress gave a smile, tapping her pen against the notepad in her hand before making her way across the eatery, her heels clacking on the floor.

“Hey, you opened up that door for me,” Jasmine replied before folding her hands in her lap. “I jus’ said my peace and closed it.” Annaleigh heard Diane chuckle before she quickly led a prayer to bless their food. “Amen.”

“Anyway,” Annaleigh reached for a French fry and popped it into her mouth. She chewed quickly, the heat burning her tongue, “I did like Darren, but not as much at the time. He jus’ got on my nerves too much.”

“Awww, that’s called flirting, honey,” Jasmine said with a smirk before lifting a corner of her tuna melt to her mouth.

 “An-y-wayyy,” Annaleigh said, putting the emphasis on the word, “I had gotten tired of seein’ Darren flirting with Connie Whitaker, tryin’ to make something happen between them so I kinda dared him to do it.”

A strangled gurgle hit the air before Jasmine started coughing, slapping at her chest. She chewed rapidly before swallowing.  “You dared him to kiss you?” she asked, her voice quickly hitting a high pitch. Annaleigh nodded feeling a small grin come to her face. She shrugged her shoulders, bowing her head, using her long hair to hide her burning cheeks. In all honesty, she had said that he wasn’t brave enough to ask Connie out and had quickly added that he probably wasn’t brave enough to kiss her.

“I am, too.” Darren insisted. He frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. “I just…don’ feel like it is all.” He kicked at the ground, leaving a dent in the soft earth, a small patch of mud covering the tip of his shoes.

“Mwa, mwa, mwa, mwa, mwa.” Annaleigh kissed the air before her lips pulled back into a devilish grin. “Chicken.”

“Am not.” Darren grabbed a handful of grass and whipped it at her. Annaleigh shrieked, jumping out of the way. She shot him an annoyed look and he shoved his hands into his pants pockets.

“Missed me, missed me, now y’gotta kiss me.” A laugh slipped past her lips as she jumped back and forth from foot to foot and pointed a small finger in his face. “I dare you to do it. I bet you won’t.” She put her hands on her hips and waved them like wings, the flower petals brushing against her arm. “Cluck, cluck, chicken. Jus’ walk right up to her and—mmph.”

Annaleigh felt her eyes widen and her cheeks puff up—she was sure she looked like a startled chipmunk—as Darren suddenly kissed her. It wasn’t more than a momentary peck but it had for that moment been the focus of her attention.

Afterwards he had made the comment that it was her turn to show that she wasn’t a chicken about anything and made her promise not to tell anyone about it. She didn’t think she would have anyway. It was something she could keep to herself and besides, a girl needed to keep secrets every now and then.

“You don’t say,” Diane said with a smile as soon as Annaleigh had finished her story, “fancy that.” She laughed when Annaleigh blinked in her direction.

“You knew?” Annaleigh asked.

 “Sweetie, I may be older than you, but that doesn’ mean I’m not tuned in to the signs,” Diane replied with a snort. “You think it’s the first time someone’s stolen kisses behind trees and bushes?” She tilted her head to the side. “Haven’t seen that boy smile like that since.”

“Well, I hope to try and do that again,” Annaleigh commented and got curious looks in response, “which is why I asked y’all here. I wanted to talk away from the boys for a little while. But, I’m gonna move home and I’m movin’ in with Darren.” She quickly launched into her explanation before anyone could say anything. “I’m goin’ to help him with his kids in show choir and this way while at home, Gabe and I can really get work done, and I can be back home like mom and dad have always wanted and that way I don’t have to have to worry about Elizabeth.”

“You really don’t like the woman, do you?” Jasmine asked after a moment of silence broken by her single chuckle. “I mean, do you know anything about her? She’s really nice and she just wants to get to know you.”

“I don’t have to know anything about her,” Annaleigh replied, feeling her upper lip curl slightly. “I guess I don’t have much to say in the matter considering she wants to get back together with my dad.”

“She’s Gabe’s mom, Annaleigh,” Jasmine said, slapping her hand down onto the table. “If she and your dad want to be serious again, they have every right, too. They’re adults with kids in their twenties.” She ran her fingers through her hair, fluffing up the back. She started talking faster and faster. “It’s not a bad thing for her to want to get to know you and I don’t think it’s fair that you’ll have open arms with Gabe but not with her and, I’m sorry, you’re being incredibly selfish.”

“Excuse me?” Annaleigh asked, her eyebrows shooting up.

“Girls,” Diane said, reaching out her hands to tap their wrists, urging them to calm down.

“You are!” Jasmine insisted. Tilting her head to the side. A gasp of disbelief escaped from Annaleigh’s mouth. “You realize my brother could’ve been settled if he wasn’t jumping to your aide every time you needed him? Most girls aren’t too happy knowin’ there’s someone else a guy has even a sliver of his attention at times and it’s not fair for you to just expect him to drop everythin’ and help you all the time.”

“You’re making it sound like I’m some kind of harpy!” Annaleigh felt her muscles tense beneath her skin. A rush of heat enveloped her body, quickly proceeding anger. Jasmine reached for her glass of tea, chewing on the straw and Annaleigh let out a gasp. “You think I’m a harpy! Jazzy!”

“Girls.”

“Not a harpy,” Jasmine said with a shrug of her shoulders and yet her eyes flashed her annoyance. She was doing a better job at keeping her frustration an temper under control. ”Just selfish. Not all the time, though.”

“Well, thanks,” Annaleigh said with a mocking laugh, “I’m glad to know I’m not selfish all the time.”

“Ugggh, I’m not sayin’ it just to get you riled up, girl,” Jasmine said, slapping her hands down onto the table, baring her teeth. “I just want ta make sure you know what you’re doin’ this time and this time you’re actually goin’ to do somethin’ because even someone as patient as Darren can’t wait forever and he can’t always be your fall guy.”

“Girls!”

“I’m not bein’ selfish,” Annaleigh protested, widening her eyes. Jasmine lifted an eyebrow. Blast it, there was no denying what Jasmine said was true. That didn’t mean she wanted to hear it. Her heart hurt knowing that that was how she had been acting or how her friend had viewed her. She didn’t know how Darren could be that patient. Not that he didn’t go out on any dates, she knew that first hand, but…none of those girls had ever really stuck around for long. “Well, I’m not just selfish.” The other eyebrow joined the first. “I’m selfish and scared.”

Jasmine blinked once, twice, three times before her shoulders drooped and she put a hand to her face, shaking her head back and forth. “Oh my stars, Ace,” she said with a hint of a laugh, her lips parting into a smile, “all that confidence when you’re on stage but off…” She trailed off and looked over at Diane who looked as if she was just waiting to stop a physical fight. “What do you think, Miss Diane?”

“Oh, sweetie,” Diane said with a sigh, shaking her head slightly from side to side, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She pulled her eyebrows downwards into the soft, yet concerned look that parents could pull off so well. She had seen it enough to anticipate it and hate it on sight. “You can’t keep playin’ with his feelings like that. And livin’ together? Are you sure it’s a good idea; that you’re ready for it?”

“I’ve done it before,” Annaleigh muttered as if it would sway her. On the other hand, she instantly covered her mouth as soon as she said it. “I mean…” She looked over at Jasmine who’s eyes were wide

“I’ve learned long ago that times have changed, Annaleigh,” Diane said with a tinkling laugh. “Right around the time Lance was bein’ asked to audition for the band. Y’all aren’t growing up the way I did, or the way your parents did. We’re all adjusting, changing how we look at things.” She put a hand in the air. “Now, I may not be too thrilled at the idea, but as long as you respect yourself, I have nothing to worry about.”

“Now, your parents on the other hand, especially Mister Ryan,” Jasmine pointed out. She let out a low whistle, shaking her head from side to side.

 Annaleigh made a face. Her dad had gotten increasingly lax over the years, but he still had overprotective tendencies, especially when it came to her love life. It was with good reason she could admit as she was doing the same for herself, but to come from an outside source, it got frustrating. Not to mention, he had been acting that way the minute he got the inkling he was interested in boys.

“I know your father, well,” Diane said as she speared a forkful of her salad, “he just wants to see you happy.”

“Miss Diane, it’s different,” Annaleigh replied, hearing how soft her voice had gotten. “I know it’s been a long time, but, I’m going to give it a shot.”

Diane moved a hand over her mouth as she chewed on a bite of her salad. “With Darren?” she asked around her mouthful of food, eyebrows lifting upwards. Annaleigh nodded her head. “Honey, that’s wonderful.” She put her hand to her chest as she swallowed. “I understand your reservations, but have faith that He will help you make it through what it is that you want.” She gave Annaleigh a curious look. “Whenever you’re ready to ask for help, that is.”

“I’ve tried doing things on my own for this long, how do you know He’ll want to help?” Annaleigh asked, slowly blinking.

“Because He never leaves, even if you don’t want Him there,” Diane replied, pushing the prongs of her fork into a tomato. “He’ll always wait for you no matter what. Just keep your heart open, that’s all I’m asking. He’ll fill it with enough courage for the both of you. He knows how scared you are of him cheating and how scared you are of hurting him and whatever else it is that has undoubtedly made you scared of loving someone.”

Diane sighed. “It just hurts my heart to know that you haven’t allowed yourself to be truly happy,” she explained. “Not all men have instances where they make mistakes like your father or Wade and it hurts to know that you’re brushing every guy off. I’ve had a wonderful husband for many bliss filled years, and your father has been great with you and above all else, Wade is taking the right steps with his situation.”

She shifted in her seat to make sure she had both girls’ attention. Annaleigh took another sip from her lemonade, trying to get the stinging pain to capture her attention instead of the woman in front of her. But, she was right. She was herding all men into one category just based on two instances in her life and she knew she wasn’t truly happy with the way she was living. Being in California with Lance was just a distraction, it was safe.

A jolt hit Annaleigh’s stomach. Maybe that’s what I’m doin’; keeping it safe. She hated to think that she was just using Lance, but in reality, a part of her was. He was gay, there was nothing that would change that and in this case, she was using it to her advantage. He wouldn’t have any romantic interest in her, and she wouldn’t have to worry about him hurting her. The realization left a sour taste on her tongue.

 “Just remember, the both of you, that everyone deserve forgiveness and a second chance. It may not seem possible, or that you’ll be able to given the circumstances, but He does wonders.” Annaleigh slowly nodded as her words sank in.

He was able to help her pursue a passion of hers all the while giving her strength to help keep her family financially stable. She couldn’t ask for much in return than to have a chance to be happy and not be burdened. If this talk was any indication, it was that, no matter how scary it looked, she was doing the right thing and home was where she needed to be.

“Yeah, like He somehow put together Gabe and Jasmine,” Annaleigh said, finding an out and quickly changing the subject.

“We’re talking about you, not me,” Jasmine said, putting her hands in the air.

“If you two get married, you would be my half-sister-in-law,” Annaleigh continued. She then blinked, a confused look crossing her face. “I think. Is that right? Eh, I’ll let y’all think about that.”

“I know what you’re doin’,” Jasmine said, setting down her sandwich. A smile sat on her face as her cheeks bloomed a bright pink. “Don’ think I haven’ picked up on your ‘Let’s not talk about me’ routine.”

“Is it working?” Annaleigh asked. Jasmine’s smile widened.

“Yes,” she replied, “but only because your brother is one of the nicest, sweetest, funniest, guys I’ve ever met.” A happy sigh filled the space. “I think I really like him.”

Annaleigh reached across the table and squeezed her best friend’s wrist. “I’m glad.”

-16-

Lance gently touched the bright pink area around his eye, sharply sucking in a breath of air as it stung and started to throb with pain. It didn’t hurt as bad as it previously had when he first got home, a good, long shower had taken care of that and the stiffness in his muscles and joints. He had managed to get through his house without much incident from his dad, or his mom as the women got back home.

At least for now.

His mom always knew when he was up to something. Somehow she always knew and even seemed to know that he was up to something when all he had done was thought of it. It was actually kind of scary, but he was glad to know she loved and cared about him enough to want to know what was going on in his life.

A stab of guilt hit his stomach. He knew he should let everyone know about his heart condition, but he just couldn’t tell anyone. He had seen how their faces after he came out, and saw how worried they were after he had been jumped, he didn’t want to be the cause of those faces or those feelings again.

As he shuffled towards Annaleigh’s closed bedroom door, the ends of his jeans dragged along the floor. He grasped the waistband of his jeans, pulling them up to his hip bone where they loosely hung. He was in need of new clothes and maybe would actually allow the girls to go shopping with him.

He had definitely been seeing progress with how often he was working out. He could see more definition in his arms and in his stomach. He hadn’t had any big…”hiccups” lately. The exercise from the fighting was definitely helping with his overall health and to get out his frustrations.

At least, that’s what he told himself over and over again.

He lifted his hand and rapped his knuckles on the door. Once he heard Annaleigh give him permission to enter, he twisted the door knob and pushed open the door, allowing himself inside. “Hey,” he greeted his friend, dropping down onto the mattress. Annaleigh pulled her feet back from being crushed, setting her laptop aside. “What are you doing?”

“Listening to song samples,” Annaleigh replied as she set her computer aside. She looked at him over the top of her computer. “Need me for somethin?”

“Just wanted to talk,” Lance replied.

His stomach tightened just slightly at the thought of having this conversation with her. He had rehearsed it so many times in his head already, but that never seemed to work. He may know who he’s talking to well enough, but that doesn’t mean they’d actually react in a way he’d expect. And to basically kick your best friend out of your house…who knew how well that’d go over?

“You all have a good day out?”

“Yeah, it was fun,” Annaleigh replied, brushing her hair back behind her ears, sitting up, giving him her full attention. “Jazzy, Miss Diane, and I went to lunch at the Hard Rock Café and then got our nails done.” She pointed her feet and Lance caught sight of a forest green covering her nails. “And talked.”

“Good thing too,” Lance commented, grabbing her foot, “your feet were starting to look pretty gnarly.” He lightly ran his fingertip across her heel and Annaleigh let out a shrieking laugh as she tried to pull her foot back, practically kneeing herself in the chest.

“Looks who’s talkin’,” Annaleigh replied, dryly as Lance let her go. “I told ya to use those shoes when sparrin’.” Lance twisted his mouth to the side, shrugging. “You wanted to talked to me ‘bout something?”

“Yeahhh,” Lance said, holding out the word. He rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his palm as he propped his head up with his hand. “I think…that you should go home. To Clinton.” Annaleigh blinked. Lance stared back at her, silence stretching between them before he launched into his explanation. “This isn’t really just coming out of nowhere; I’ve been thinking about it for a while. For a few years, actually.”

“Ok,” Annaleigh replied, her eyebrows knitting together just slightly.

Oh, Lord, help me out here. Lance let out a sigh through his nose. “I know that music is a great passion of yours and everything and you are incredibly talented with it,” he explained, watching her reaction closely, “but I don’t think you’ve ever truly  been 100% happy out here. And ever since, well NSYNC really started, I’ve never lived by myself or really learned who I am as a person. I mean, after NSYNC stopped you and I stayed out here, and went back and forth from here to home, and then I was involved with Jake, and—“

“And now you’ve met Miiichael,” Annaleigh said with a bright smile.

“Ok, that wasn’t the point I was trying to make,” Lance said, rolling his eyes at Annaleigh’s expression.

“He’s cute, at least admit that.” Annaleigh wiggled her eyebrows. “And he’s nice, and sweet, and he gets on your nerves jus’ like Darren does to me.” She curled her fingers and inspected her fingernails. “If that’s not hintin’ at something…I’m just saying.”

“Not everyone has a relationship like you two,” Lance said protested.

“Aha! So there is a relationship.” Annaleigh clapped her hands together, before folding them in her lap. “You and Michael are cute together. When are you going to take him to that art show?” Lance scrunched up his face, feeling his face burn.

“Some time when you’re gone so I don’t have Jazzy 2.0 asking me so many questions,” Lance replied  and Annaleigh wrinkled her nose as she stuck her tongue out at him. “So, what do you think? About what I said?”

Annaleigh’s shoulder’s dropped just slightly. “James,” she said quietly, “I was kind of thinking the same thing.” Lance blinked, taken aback. “After our fight earlier, I was kinda startin’ to realize that we’ve been together a lot.”

“Anna—“

“Not that it’s a bad thing,” Annaleigh said, putting her hands up defensively. “You’re my best friend, why wouldn’ I want to spend time with ya? But, I think we’ve both been relyin’ on each other after the band’s hiatus started.”

“The band is over, Annaleigh,” Lance said, slowly blinking.

“I don’ accept that,” Annaleigh said stubbornly, shaking her head back and forth. “But you’re right; ever since I joined NSYNC, we did everything together. I love making music, and you know performing was my favorite thing about being in the band. But I didn’t like how…gimmicky the industry itself is.”

“Yeah,” Lance agreed, nodding his head.

He remembered how uncomfortable Annaleigh was her first month of being part of the band and being thrown into different awards shows, meeting big names in the business, and performing on different shows like Rosie O’Donnell, Good Morning America, and The View. She was always the type to push her feelings and worries aside to help others, often ignoring how she feels about situations for way too long.

Like now. She wanted to make sure he was ok, and JC, and Justin, and Chris, and Joey, and kept putting her own plans on hold to a certain degree.

“I think I should go home, too,” Annaleigh replied, pulling her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. She set her chin on her knees. “Your mom and dad, and Darren, and Jasmine, and Gabe are going home soon, so I figured I’d just go with them. Try things out with Darren.”

“Shoot, please do!” Lance said, rolling onto his back. “I swear, y’all have been married through common-law by now.” He waved a hand in the air. “Or however that works. Except for the being together part.” Lance’s breath was pushed out of his lungs when Annaleigh hit him in the stomach with a pillow. He grabbed the pillow from her hands and hit her back. “You know he really cares about you.”

“Yeah, I know it,” Annaleigh replied with a smile. She was silent for a moment before flinging her head to the side, knocking her hair out of her face. “I care ‘bout you, too. So, I want to apologize to you.”

“For what?”Lance asked.

“How I acted when you first told me y’were gay,” Annaleigh replied. Lane let out a sigh through his nose, running a hand over his face. His heart thumped hard, twice. He swallowed thickly.

“You already apologized four times,” Lance pointed out to her. “It’s ok. I promise it is.” It was ok. He knew why she acted the way she did, but those words…he forgave her for it, but it still hurt to know someone he cared about could say those things to him.

“Let me just say it one more time,” Annaleigh replied. “Please?” Lance nodded his head. “I only said what I said, all those hurtful things…and I know this is no excuse, but only because I was worried about you.” Lance felt his eyebrows knitting towards each other. “I didn’ know if it meant you’d be different than the Lance I’ve always known.”

“While on tour, I’ve seen how some of the younger roadies and crew members were treated for being gay and I was worried that people would treat you the same way. No one would see you the way I saw you and I was, I don’t know, just trying to…I didn’t want to believe that people could treat you that way. So I just didn’t want to acknowledge it and refused to accept it at the time. But, I got a head start on all of ‘em, huh?”

“Annaleigh,” Lance said, shaking his head back and forth. “I don’t care. Not anymore. I mean, I did, and it sucked, but I knew when I told you I was going to get one of two responses from you. On the one hand, I was glad I had someone to trust and someone to tell. But on the other hand, it sucked.” His lips twitched into a fleeting smile. “At the same time, I knew you were saying it because you cared and because you were scared, and because you were just as confused as I was. So, I never really blamed you for it.”

Annaleigh gave a sad smile, tears sliding down her cheeks one right after another. Her nose was a bright red and she lifted her hands, using the heels of her palms to wipe at her eyes. She then opened her arms, silently asking him for a hug. She made a grabbing-motion with her fingers and Lance laughed before moving to sit by her side, pulling her to him in a hug. He kissed the top of her head.

“I’m going to miss having you around, you know,” Lance said into her hair.

“Just make sure you  actually have my room painted when I come back for a visit, Mik Mouse,” Annaleigh replied, prodding him in the side.

Lance chuckled. “Sure thing, Puto.” He gently squeezed her. “Now, go get your man.”

Annaleigh laughed before sitting up, getting a good look at his face. She gently reached out a hand and lightly touched the pink area around his eye. “You could find yours at the gym if ya don’ kill yourself first,” she commented. Lance squeezed an eye shut as the dull throbbing ache appeared once again. “Y’know, if things don’t work out with Michael.”

Lance clicked his tongue. “Would you stop?” he asked, suddenly feeling annoyed. At the same time, a smile sprouted on his face.

Annaleigh removed herself from Lance’s hug before grasping his hands in hers, gently squeezing them. “Father God, we ask our Lord Jesus that you be with James and myself and we ask that you be with us to comfort us in our time of need, and to be with us to give us strength through all the challenges we will face,” she said. She gave him a sweet smile as she tilted her head to the side. Lance steeled himself for the insult-wrapped in sweetness that was to come. “And also show Lance mercy so I don’t kill him for that comment.”

“Amen,” Lance agreed with a laugh. “But, you are.”

“I am not like Jazzy,” Annaleigh insisted, pointing a finger at her.

“Speakin’ of little ‘ole me,” Jasmine said as she leaned in the doorway, “I have a message. Annaleigh, Michael’s at the door for you.” Lance twisted his mouth to the side, eyes narrowing just slightly. “Relax, sweetie, I didn’ say he was here for you.”

“Yeah, but he kind of is,” Annaleigh said, rolling off of her mattress and to the floor.

“What?” Lance asked, his voice jumping up to a higher octave. “Annaleigh!” Lance let out a huff of air as he got off of her bed, following her and Jasmine out of her room, down the stairs, stopping to sit on the last step, looking into the foyer. Jasmine hurried into the living room before returning with Gabriel, Darren, and Lance’s parents.

“Hi,” Michael greeted with a lift of a hand in greeting. “Everyone.” As well as he could lift it around the plastic wrapped…thing he was holding in his arms. “Nice to see you all.”

“You’re done?” Annaleigh asked as she gave Michael a one-armed hug.

“Yes, I’m done,” Michael replied, giving her a smile as he handed it over to her. Lance chuckled as he took in the view of a pair of jean clad legs holding up what he could guess was a canvas. “I hope you like it.”

“What’s going on?” Lance asked, his eyebrows lifting.

“Well, you kinda beat me to the movin’ out talk,” Annaleigh said as she shuffled forward, holding the canvas out towards him. “But, I asked Michael to make this for me, for you, as a going away gift.”

Lance balanced the canvas on his lap before punching a whole through the plastic with his thumb. It stretched as he pulled the plastic apart, widening the hole. A marble-swirl background in many different shades of green was the first thing that caught his eye before he revealed the top half of the painting and started to laugh.

“Aw, man,” he said with a wide smile, removing the plastic in its entirety from the picture. He ran his hand over the baby Pluto and Mickey Mouse staring back at him, smiling happily. “You painted this?”

“If that’s what my signature on the back means,” Michael replied, with a half smile.

“Oh, your modest and talented,” Lance commented, looking up at the artist, who just shrugged his shoulders in reply. Lance turned the painting around to show everybody else in the foyer and got a collective “Awww” in response. “Thanks, Anna.”

“You’re welcome,” Annaleigh replied, placing her hand on Michael’s arm. “But, thank Michael, he’s the one who did it on such short notice.”

Michael scratched the back of his neck, his cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. “Don’t mention it,” he replied before running his fingers through his hair. “It was one of my favorites to do. And it was for a great person, so…”

Lance let out an odd combination of a nervous laugh, a cough, and a hiccup, bowing his head, feeling his face start to burn. “Would you like to stay for dinner, Michael?” Diane asked, wrapping an arm around her husband. “There’s plenty to go around.”

Michael smiled, shifting his gaze to Lance’s direction. “Sure,” he managed to get out, trying to talk as normally as he could. His throat had suddenly seemed to close up on itself, making that simple task difficult. “You already came out this far.”

“I’d love to,” Michael replied. “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“Oh, no, dear, that’s alright,” Diane replied with a warm smile. “Annaleigh and Jasmine will help me.”

“We will?” Jasmine asked and Annaleigh elbowed her in the side. “But, this is getting good.” Annaleigh elbowed her a second time before looping her arm through her friend’s, pulling her out of the foyer.

Lance chuckled as he set the painting down as Darren and Gabriel started asking Michael about his art. He watched as Michael slid his hands into his jeans pockets, looking as relaxed as he had ever seen. An ache formed in the center of his stomach. And maybe even as good looking, too. Maybe Jasmine’s right. Maybe it is just getting good.

-17-

Jackson, Mississippi
Darren’s Apartment

“You all unpacked?”

Annaleigh lifted her hands and brushed her hands over head, smoothing down her hair before straightening from her crouched position behind a cardboard box. Bungee cords sat on the floor near the box, a dolly sitting by it.

“This is the last box I need to do,” she replied, turning towards Jasmine who was straightening books on the bookshelf. “Still have some stuff at Lance’s and dad’s so…”

“I still can’t believe you’re moving in with my brother,” Jasmine said, her nose wrinkling. “At least you’ll be able to spice this place up a bit. It reeks of…of boy.”

“I don’ mind it,” Annaleigh replied, waving her hand in the air. “It’s a manly smell in my opinion.” She grasped the flap of the box and gave it a sharp tug. With a loud pop it opened and Annaleigh reached for the other side.

“I’m sure it is,” Jasmine said with a snort. “So, y’doin’ anythin’ today after helping Darren with the kids? There’s a football game, pre-season, at the high school later.” She brushed her hands together, freeing it of dust before using the back of her arm to scratch at her nose. “I got some tickets and I was goin’ to take Gabe since he hasn’ been to one. You haven’ been to one in a while, either.”

“That’s true,” Annaleigh agreed with a nod of her head. “Super Bowl pre-show, and halftime show are the closest I’ve been to in a while.” She slid her palms down her jean clad legs. “But, I never actually watched them.”

“Oh, boo hoo,” Jasmine said with a roll of her eyes. “You could actually attend the Super Bowl—somethin’ a lot of people would kill, and I mean literally kill, to do—and you couldn’t watch a game. Oh, because of a little thing called performing.”

“Oh, hush,” Annaleigh said with a laugh. She couldn’t deny that she’s had many wonderful opportunities in life. Premieres, album release parties, meeting some of her favorite musicians, just the experience behind creating an album and touring were all things she thought were a far off reality, but gained great experiences and fond memories from both. “You got to experience some of that with me.”

“Yeah, just enough,” Jasmine agreed with a smile. “I can get a slice of that life and still be happy with the leftover part of the pizza that is small town Mississippi.”

“Nice analogy,” Annaleigh said with a snort. “Where’d you get that from? A fortune cookie?”

“You in or not?” Jasmine asked. “And no, I didn’t get that from a fortune cookie.” Annaleigh lifted an eyebrow. “I got it from a greeting card.”

Annaleigh chuckled in triumph. “I knew it,” she said in a sing-song voice. “And I’m in. I’m sure even Darren’s students would want to head down to the field. It is summer after all.”

“Mmm,” Jasmine said getting to her feet. Annaleigh instantly spotted the annoying, knowing, smile on her friend’s face as she crossed the room to sit on the arm of the couch. “Those summer nights. It gets pretty dang hot down here in Jackson.”

“I’m well aware, Jazzy,” Annaleigh replied, carefully pulling mugs, plates, and cutlery out of the box. “Go into hyper drive please and let me know what it is you’re hinting at.” She lowered herself into a seated position and used her shoulder to brush her hair off her face with her shoulder. “Proceed.”

“Why thank you.” Jasmine let out a breath through her nose. “Just make sure the air conditioning is workin’ properly,” she explained, wiggling her eyebrows. “Or maybe you’ll want it broken I mean hot sweaty days and cool nights that just beg for a warm body to snuggle up with I can see it now, late night pillow chats, sneaking peeks here or there as you wear whatever you can to stay cool it’s a real life rom-com and thank god you brought some dishes and silverware  finally something in here will match.”

“Jazzy, he’s your brother,” Annaleigh commented a she started unwrapping the newspaper she had used to secure the dish set.

“And you’re my best friend,” Jasmine replied, pointing a finger at her. “In fact, he’s my best friend, too—even though he’s annoyin’ at times, but that’s brothers for you.” She shrugged her shoulders. Annaleigh cracked a smile. Half-brother, full brother, or step brother, Gabriel did get on her nerves as well. “And since both of y’all are two of my best friends, it’s my job to make sure y’both live happily ever after. Even if I have to push—“

“Try shove.”

“—the both of ya to get to that after.”

“Good to know,” Annaleigh replied. “But, like I said, I’m open to giving him a shot, now. Without—“ she pointed a warning finger in Jasmine’s face and she put her hands up defensively, “outside pressure.” She then twisted her wrist so the clock face of her watch faced her. “I’ve got to get going. Mind givin’ me a lift over to the school?”

“Sure thing,” Jasmine replied, crossing the room, grabbing her purse off the counter. She grasped her keys, shaking them in the air. “The chariot awaits to take you off to the land of loooove. And show choir. Wouldn’ be the first time co-workers got together.”

Don’t I know it, Annaleigh thought to herself.

She had promised herself over and over again that she was only joining NSYNC for business. How quickly that had turned around faster than she realized. She had fought against her changing feelings for Wade for so long, pretty much ignoring it or refusing to acknowledge it; like her parents’ divorce. Or any other thing she tried so hard to control. The sooner she accepted it, the better off she’d be.

“All’s fair in love and show business,” Annaleigh declared.

“That’s my girl.”

---

 

Annaleigh brushed her hair back behind her ears before lowering herself down onto the piano bench beside Darren in the auditorium of the high school. “So, what d’you want me to do?” she asked, crossing her legs. The kids in the show choir group, Wonderstruck, sat on the stage talking and laughing with each other as they stretched not only their muscles but their vocal chords with some warm ups.

“Watch them for one thing,” Darren replied. He didn’t look up from the stack of papers in his hands and she shuffled through them. “Both when we’re performing and not, some of them like running off whenever we get a break. Especially since the school is closed.”

A smile of amusement graced Annaleigh’s face. She couldn’t blame them. It was one thing to be in school during the school year but it was like a whole different world over the summer. Judging by the ages of this group, she could assume that there were many different reasons why they’d go looking around the school. They were teenagers after all.

“Other than that,” he said, finally looking up at her. “Help run vocal warm ups, see who’s on beat or off, just look at their overall performance. You have enough experience touring and everything to really drill into them the importance of rehearsals and keeping their voices healthy and everything.” He then flashed her a smile. “Besides, they’ve been driving me absolutely crazy and I needed to put them off on someone else.”

Annaleigh hiked an eyebrow, letting out a single laugh. “Not like I haven’t driven you crazy for years,” she pointed out to him.

“Yeah,” Darren agreed with a nod of his head. His smile widened just slightly, holding an air of amusement and something else. “Only you’re a special case. At least I know I have your attention when you do—with them at times, I don’t want it.”

“And you’re supposed to be this great teacher,” Annaleigh said with a teasing smile.

“With how little I’m being paid, I can say whatever the hell I want,” he commented with a snort. Annaleigh let out a loud, mocking gasp. “Yeah I said ‘hell’.” He gathered the stack of papers in his hands and tapped it against the piano to straighten it. “Besides, you drive me a hell of a lot crazier and I kind of like it.” Before climbing off of the piano bench, he smacked her on the face with the papers.

“Heyyy.” Annaleigh made a face before sweeping her hair back out of her face, following him over to the stage. Darren tried to gain the students’ attention, but she could see that their attention was on catching up on what they had missed out on each other’s lives during the summer so far. Annaleigh licked her lips before making a hoop with her index and thumb. She stuck the tips of her fingers in her mouth and let out a loud, shrill whistle, instantly quieting everyone. She shrugged when Darren turned towards her, a surprised look on his face. “Joey showed me how to hail a taxi the few times we were in New York.”

 “Alright, listen up,” Darren called, his voice echoing around the auditorium. “First off, I know y’all have better things to be doin’ over the summer, so thank you for taking the time to come and rehearse.” He lifted the stack of papers in his hands. “Second, I need y’all to sign release forms for traveling; I know some of you have already filled them out, but I need you to do it again anyway.” He handed the paper to one of the students sitting closest to the front of the stage who started to pass them out.

“And third, this is one of my best friends, Annaleigh Carr and she’s going to be helpin’ me out with y’all. She answered to Ace as well. Some of you already know who she is and some of you haven’t met her. She’s going to be helping me run rehearsals, assisting on the piano, overall tweaking of performances, and other duties as I see fit. For those of you who don’t know, she’s been on two tours with NSYNC, and currently performs in her own band. So, she knows what she’s talking about with this so listen to her. Ok? Great, now let’s get started with an older routine we’re going to be doing again for the showcase this fall, just so she can get an idea on what kinds of things we’ve been working on.”

Annaleigh lifted her hand in a wave, giving the students a smile in greeting as they moved to take their positions on stage. She settled back into one of the seats in the front row of the auditorium, crossing one leg over the other. Moments later, loud music came bursting through the speakers of the auditorium, bouncing off every corner and rattling her ear drums.

For the next three or so minutes, she watched as Wonderstruck dance, sang, and performed their routine, watching with as much of a critical eye as she could. A part of her felt that she wasn’t qualified to help out; she hadn’t done any show choir in her life. With both Showstoppers and Attache (and she was never going to let Lance and Darren live down Seven Card Stud) she had seen enough similar acts to get an idea of what flaws or problems to look for. It wasn’t all about correct dance steps in time with each other; even NSYNC could be off from each other from time to time.

As the final chords of the song played and the dancers struck their final pose, she for sure had something to comment on. “Ok,” Annaleigh said, running her hands over her face and into her hair. “I just have one question.” She pointed to one of the teenage boys on stage. “What’s your name?”

“Me?” a sandy brown haired boy asked, planting his hands on his hips. His face was bright red as he tried to catch his breath. “Craig.”

“Right, Craig,” Annaeleigh gave him a smile of thanks before pointing over at the dark haired girl standing next to him. “Do you like her?” Craig’s eyes widened as the rest of the group tittered before bursting into loud laughter. “Darlin’ what’s your name?”

The girl didn’t answer right away. She had a hand over her mouth, face bright red, shifting her weight from foot to foot. “My name’s Lindsay,” she finally said after a moment of silence. She talked in a squeaky voice before swinging her hair out of her face before crossing her arms over her chest, bringing a hand to her mouth to chew on her thumbnail. “I’m Lindsay.”

“Ok, so Craig, are you sweet on Lindsay?” Annaleigh asked and the laughter got louder. “Because I’m sensing some chemistry between the two of y’all and I think you could really play that up during this performance.”

“Ace, don’t play matchmaker with them,” Darren commented, turning away from the piano where he was sorting sheet music. His lips twitched just slightly. “Believe me, I’ve already tried.”

Annaleigh clicked her tongue. “Shoot, you just don’ have a woman’s touch,” she declared, waving her hand in the air. “It’s not the only thing I don’t have,” she heard Darren mutter something under his breath, his eyebrows lifting as he turned back around to face the piano.

“We’ve been tryin’ to get them together for a while,” one of the other girls called out as she fanned herself with her shirt. “They’re just too ‘fraid to do anything about it.”

Why does that sound familiar? Annaleigh sarcastically thought to herself. Darren must’ve thought the same thing as he let out a snort which he quickly concealed with a cough and loud shuffling of papers. “So, the do like each other?” she asked, directing the question to the show choir as a whole. She chuckled when she got a shouts of “Yes”, “Uh, yeahhh”, and “Who’re you kiddin?” much to the chagrin of Craig and Lindsay who were both doing whatever they could to not look at each other, or really be in the same vicinity of each other.

“Thought so,” Annaleigh mused aloud. A smile slowly stretched across her face. “So, why don’t you ask her out?” Craig and Lindsay’s faces turned even more red if that was even possible. Some of the boys in the group shoved Craig’s shoulder, pushing him closer towards Lindsay.

“Can you make her stop?” Lindsay asked through her nervous laughter.

“Ha.” Darren laughed. “I’ve known her since we were kids I’ve never been able to control her.” He smirked. “Not like I haven’t tried.”

“So, you know her very well,” Craig said, seeming to find a way out of the situation. “I mean, you talk about her often enough.”

Uh oh. Annaleigh felt her face heat up. Teenagers. They were so nosey. Darren on the other hand took the question in stride. She could see the close bond between the students and the teacher. He treated them all like friends, like he wasn’t talking to a bunch of kids, and she could clearly see their respect for him in return.

“I know her better than she thinks I do,” Darren replied. He shrugged his shoulders. “She’s my best friend, why wouldn’t I?”

“Is that all?” Craig pressed. “She’s only your best friend?”

“Hey,” Annaleigh cried, surprised at how the attention was suddenly put on her, “wait a minute.” She sat up straighter in her seat. “This isn’t about me. How’d this come to be ‘bout me?”

“Nope,” Darren instantly replied and Annaleigh blinked. She wasn’t sure if she was surprised at the answer or how quickly and matter-of-factly he had answered. “Hasn’ been that to me for a while. I’d ask her out, but I don’ think she’s ready.” He tilted his head to the side. “At least, she hasn’ shown me that she wants me to.”

He wasn’t even looking directly at her, but he may as well have. She could offer up an excuse—not that she didn’t have a whole bunch of them crash to the front of her skull when the students started asking her why she wouldn’t want to go out with him—but found herself keeping her mouth shut.

If there was one thing she hated to admit was when he was right.

Even worse still, the cat didn’t have her tongue, freaking karma did.

---

 

Between show choir rehearsal and the large crowd at the high school football game, it wouldn’t surprise Annaleigh at all if she went deaf. Screaming fans aside. She had gone one two tours (two loud tours) with one of the hottest boy bands before she turned 20 and a football game was making her feel her age earlier than she ever thought she would.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that she sat in the stands watching football games, tailgating, and hanging out and drinking beer at the Back of ’80. Yet here she was, decked out in Lanier High school colors cheering on the home team with Darren, Jasmine, and Gabriel sitting on either side of her.

“I swear I heard his bones crunch one that last tackle,” Gabriel commented as a swell of cheers in their section died down. Excited chatter and laughter surrounded them from the patrons in the stands as they waited for their next play.

“Ah, that ain’t nothin’,” Jasmine replied waving her hand in the air. “Watched this guy break his ankle once. Player fell on the ground and the guy with the ball ran right over it.” She held her fists up in front of each other, the sides touching before she made a cracking sound with her mouth, angling her hands downwards, away from each other. “Heard it got split right in half and he’s still findin’ bone fragments.”

“Yeah, well, you never saw Joey’s leg after it got stuck in the trap door during rehearsals for the Celebrity Tour,” Gabriel replied, adjusting the backwards hat on his head. “Even make the goriest horror film look like fluff.”

“And it’s makin’ me lose my appetite,” Annaleigh groaned, removing the emptying bag of popcorn from her face. She set the bag down onto the concrete floor. “Saw it once, don’ need to bring up that image in my mind again.”

“Well, I’m still hungry,” Jasmine announced, getting to her feet. Annaleigh handed her the half-finished bag of popcorn, but Jasmine waved it away, her nose wrinkling. “I need more than that.” She patted her stomach with her hands. “Jumbo sized, preferably.”

“We’re going to have dinner a couple hours from now,” Darren said to her, shifting his gaze away from the players on the field.

“Dancing girl needs to eat,” Jasmine replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “Besides, the butter and salt from the popcorn really makes me want one of the pretzels they’re selling.”

“I’ll come with,” Gabriel offered, wiping his hands on his jeans. “I need to stretch my legs anyway.” He gently grasped her elbow leading her through the small walkway between backs and knees.

“She’s really liking her job at the dance studio isn’t she?” Annaleigh asked.

“Getting out of the house to finally stop hearing her pointy feet—doing what she calls dancing—on the ceiling was the greatest thing that happened in my life,” Darren replied as he leaned back in his seat, stretching his legs as far as he could before curling them back again. “Her gabbing about it, unfortunately, has never changed.” His lips turned upwards into a smile. “She really loves it and she loves her students.”

“You love your too, I can tell,” Annaleigh replied, elbowing him in the side. “You’re a good teacher and I can tell you really love what you’re doing.”

“Thanks,” Darren said. “It’s not really that I love teaching it’s that I love seeing how my students change over the year.” He rested his elbows on his knees, lacing his fingers under his chin. “There are some who are too scared to open their mouths in a group but are fine when practicing by themselves who can knock out a duet, or some who aren’t confident in their dancing, but lead the chorus line, and some who just simply want to make friends and they leave with a family.” He shrugged his shoulders. “They could really get nothing out of whatever it is that’s coming out of my mouth but if I can see growth in them as a person overall, then I think I’ve done my job.”

“That’s cool,” Annaleigh said as she reached for her cup of soda. “I don’t think I could be a good teacher. Takes me forever to learn things the hard way.” She took a sip and swallowed. “Now bein’ an assistant is more me. Less pressure and I get to be the cool, laid back, one.”

Darren laughed. “Seriously though, Ace,” Darren said, sitting back to face her, giving her a warm smile. “Thank you for helpin’ me. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime, D,” Annaleigh replied, her voice suddenly quiet. She took in his dark eyes, glittering with the glow of the slowly fading sun, and his warm smile and found herself drawn to them. Much like she had always been drawn to him. Breaking the gaze, that was growing even more intense by the second, she chewed on her straw before taking another sip, turning back towards the feld.

And then she saw it.

Whether it was the hard shove to her back, the carbonation suddenly shooting down her throat and up her nose at the same time, or the fact that she realized she was on the big screen, Annaleigh doubled over, letting out a startled cough as she choked.

A loud cheer swelled around her, pressing in on her from all sides. The fans in front of her turned around to face them with wide, expectant smiles on their faces. She felt the thumps of the hands, fists, and prods of finger tips on her back and the top of her head from the people sitting behind her. Her image had to only have been up on the screen for a single, solid, second but to her it felt like an eternity twice over stretching longer and longer.   

“No,” Annaleigh said as quietly as she could.

Darren chuckled. “And ruin all these people’s expectations?” he asked, just as quietly out of the side of his mouth.

“No.” Annaleigh lifted her cup of soda to her lips, moving the straw into her mouth. Maybe if I pretend I didn’t notice…

“I don’t think the camera is moving anytime soon. But, suit yourself.”

Annaleigh nearly choked a second time. Of course he had a point. She had seen these play out many times before. The unmistakable kissing sound signaled everyone of what was to come seconds before the opening chords to “This Kiss” by Faith Hill started playing. Then the big screen switched from whatever the players were doing down on the field to the couples they strategically (or, as Annaleigh quickly realized, got paid to) showcase.

Jasmine. Annaleigh felt her jaw tighten just slightly. It was no wonder she had jumped up faster than a barefoot jack rabbit on a hot road in the middle of a heat wave. Gabe must be in on it, too. He was quick to get some food after finishing his box of cracker jacks. Then again, he was a guy and from her experience living with five of them, they could eat a whole lot. And annoyingly so, not gain a pound.

But, this was what you wanted to come back to Clinton for. To start what you’ve always been afraid to do. The cheering seemed to have gotten louder. Or maybe she just noticed it more. Cheering her on, showing their support. Just like your friends and family. And with that final thought, Annaleigh leaned over Darren and kissed him.

The sound of the cheers slowly disappeared as Darren threaded his fingers through her hair, kissing her back. A sigh slid out through her nose as she slid her lips over his. Her cheeks, the back of her neck burned as the pads of his thumbs and fingers gently grasped the back of her head, leaving a trail of fire that slowly spread and warmed her whole body. An electrifying tingle shot from his lips to hers, shooting down her spine, causing her to tremble just slightly.

Warm.

Soft,

Gentle.

“Anna.” Darren’s breath tickled her lips as she pulled away from him. His eyes were half-lidded as he stared back at her. The illusion was shattered. Her ten seconds were up. Annaleigh pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips as she sat back in her seat.

The screen switched to another couple and the swell of cheers went up a second time. Her sound was back, growing louder and louder as if a volume dial was being turned up. She was aware of how close she was sitting beside him. But, it was comforting.

“Anna.”

“Darren.” Annaleigh shifted in her seat to face him. Darren lifted his eyebrows in a silent question. Annaleigh’s lips slowly parted into a smile. “About what you said before. Durin' rehearsals.” Darren angled his head downwards just slightly in a nod. “I’d…I’d love to go out with you. “ Annaleigh bowed her head for a moment before looking back up at him. “On a date.”

Darren gave her a smile that sent the resting butterflies in her stomach flying. “Great,” he replied, looking as if he didn’t know whether to smile or be amazed. Not that she could really blame him for either of those reactions. She felt that exact same way. “I’m glad.”

“Me too.”

Annaleigh looked over at Jasmine and Gabriel as they came back to their seats with containers of popcorn in their hands. Twisting her mouth to the side, Annaleigh set her gaze back onto the field, running a hand over her face.

“So,” Jasmine said with a bright smile as she settled down in her seat. “Great game, huh?” Gabriel let out a loud, single laugh he quickly turned into a cough he squelched with a long sip of soda.

 

-18-

Thunderstruck
(aka “Are You Happy?”)

24 Hour Fitness
Los Angeles, California

Lance spends more time with Michael, trusts him with the secret that he wanted to try conversion therapy. Darren and Annaleigh go to a bar and talk about their relationship.

-

“I don’t know how you even talked me into this,” Michael commented, rubbing at the bright red, sore spot alongside his ribs with his hand.

“I told you I was going to work out,” Lance said with a shrug of his shoulders. He was actually pleasantly surprised by the phone call from Michael that morning. He hadn’t expected it, and it seemed to come out of the blue. Even he didn’t seem to know what to say as one of the first things out of his mouth was, “So…um…what do you have planned today?”

“Yeah, and I thought you meant it, not try and beat me up,” Michael protested. Lance laughed, sliding out of his sparring stance. Michael then took the time to lift his leg and in one fluid motion, raise his knee, twist just slightly on the ball of his stationary foot and kicked him.

Lance grunted as Michael’s foot connected with his stomach. Doubling over, Lance stumbled backwards just slight, wrapping an arm around his stomach. He used his other hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead and nose with his wrapped hand.

“You know,” Michael commented from the other end of the ring, leaning back against the ropes, “I thought you’d be better at this.”

Lance let out a short laugh before setting his hands on his hips. “Maybe I’m just taking it easy on you,” he replied. Michael lifted an eyebrow, letting out a short laugh of disbelief. “What?”

“You performed in one of the most famous boy bands and music groups in the world,” Michael replied. Lance didn’t know whether to be annoyed by the cocky look on his face or be attracted to it. His body had made its decision for him before he could even take the time to think about it, and it quickly decided that he was attracted to it.

Whether the sheen of sweat that coated his body was due to the sudden rush of heat from a strong blush, from being nervous of being that close to a man this good looking, or from the physical exertion of showing him what he’s learned. Wrapping all of that up into a neat box with an even neater bow wasn’t his forte.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lance said, waving his hand in the air. “For all I know, you have a model shoot or art show or something. Wouldn’t want to mess up that face now would I?”

Michael’s eyebrow ticked upwards just slightly as a smirk crossed his face. “Didn’t realize you cared that much,” he commented. He stood up straight and adjusted the wrapping around his hand. He looked up at Lance. “You still need to take me to an art show. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that.”

“I might have something planned,” Lance replied, using his arm to brush his hair off his forehead. “You free on Saturday?”

Michael rubbed a hand along his jaw. “I have a painting I need to finish, but it won’t take the whole day,” he replied, sniffing. “At least, I’m hoping.”

“I’ll pick you up at 7 then,” Lance replied.

“Oh, come on!” Lance pressed his lips together, turning his head in the direction of the loud groan of annoyance. “Are you two ladies done or are you going to continue dancing around the ring?” The man adjusted the strap to his bag on his large, beefy shoulder. “Some of us actually want to work out.”

Ok, then. Lance pressed his tongue against the inside of his bottom lip. “Tell you what,” he commented, shifting his gaze in Michael’s direction for a brief moment, “if you beat me, we’ll let you have the ring.”

“Lance,” Michael said quietly.

“You sure you want to do that?” the man asked, lifting his eyebrows, a smile of amusement coming to his face. His lips parted into a small grin. “How long’ve you been training for?”

“Long enough,” Lance replied. He lifted his right boot covered foot and scratched the back of his left leg. He crossed to the side of the ring, grasping the ropes, leaning over them. “You in or not?”

“Alright,” the man replied with a nod, offering him his hand. “Hank.”

“Lance,” Lance replied, shaking the man’s hand. He nodded his hed in Michaels’ direction. “That’s…” He paused. Were they even friends? Acquaintances? He looked over at Michael, silently asking him for help.

“I’m Michael,” he said, introducing himself. “Lance’s friend.”

A bubble of excitement burst in his chest, and at the same time, he was a tad bit disappointed. Truth be told, he couldn’t decipher their relationship. Since meeting and over the past few weeks, he has been making his way into his circle of friends more than he thought he would to begin with. After everyone else heading back to Mississippi and him living by himself for the first time in a long while, it was nice to have someone around to hang out with from time to time and to take the time to get to know.

He just never stopped to take the time to define their relationship.

Hank’s gaze shifted back and forth between the two men. “Ok,” he replied, his lips twitching just slightly. “Nice to meet you two. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Sure.” Lance gave a nod of his head, clapping his hands together.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Michael asked quietly, stepping up to Lance’s side. His hot breath tickled Lance’s ear and he tightened his grip on the ropes. He was sure the minute he let go, his legs would turn to jelly.

“Yeah , why?” he asked.

“Just wondering,” Michael replied before carefully climbing out of the ring. He pulled off his boots and started to unwrap his hands, his lips forming a line.

Lance shook out his arms and legs, bouncing from foot to foot and throwing a few air punches as he waited for Hank to join him. He smiled to himself. He had fought and practiced long enough all right. Rick had set up a couple more fights for him and he’d been doing a pretty good job if he could say so for himself. In fact, he’d had a few people specifically ask to fight against him.

“Ok, let’s get this started,” Hank said as he stepped through the ropes. He held his fists out towards Lance and he bumped them with his own. “Good luck.”

“You too,” Lance replied with a nod of his head.

“Go whenever you’re ready,” Michael said, waving his hand in the air.

Hank instantly jumped forward, aiming a punch at Lance’s face. Lance swung his left arm outwards, blocking the punch before countering with an offensive move on his own. Hank knew what he was doing, that was for sure. He was proving to be a pretty good fighter, but Lance was doing his best to hold his own. A sharp elbow jab into his chest robbed him of his breath…and left a dull pain radiating through his body. He placed a hand over his chest, the other hand grasping his knee as he tried to catch his breath.

Not again. His heart pounded, trying to regulate itself. Not now.

“Hey, man,” Hank said, concern tingeing his tone. “You ok?”

“Yeah,” Lance said, rapidly nodding his head. He straightened, planting his hands on his hips, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m good. Fine.”

“You sure?” he asked, clapping Lance on the back. “Because you’re looking a little pale.”

“I said I’m fine!” Lance snapped, pushing his hand away.

“Lance,” Michael said, an edge to his tone.

“Just…take the stupid ring,” Lance muttered, waving his hand in the air. He slowly sucked in a breath of air through his nose before forcing out a hard cough. His eyes watered, but the pain in his chest quickly subsided. “Good fight.”

“You too, man,” Hank replied still looking unsure.

Lance climbed out of the ring and reached for his gym bag. After stripping his hands and feet of his fight equipment, he quickly took a shower and met up with Michael and left the gym. Neither of them said much of anything, but Lance could feel the tension between the two of them. At a red light, Lance tapped his thumb over the top of the steering wheel, chewing on the nail of his other thumb.

Until he couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“What?” he asked, swinging his head to look over at Michael.

“Are you happy?” Michael asked after a moment of silence. He kept his gaze out the window. “With yourself I mean. Everything.”

Lance reached for the water bottle that sat in his cup holder. Keeping his foot firmly planted on the brake pedal, he twisted off the cap to the plastic bottle. He lifted his water bottle to his mouth, taking long slow sips as he thought it over. He didn’t have Jake around, he hasn’t had heart problems in a while, his friends were finally together, his sister was still happily married, his parents were doing well, and he was maybe-possibly going out on a date this weekend. Nothing to complain about.

“Yes,” Lance replied, with a nod of his head. His breath came out in quick soft gasps as he lifted his arm and wiped the liquid off of his upper lip. “I am.” He reapplied the cap and put the bottle back in the cup holder as the light turned green.

“And beating people up makes you happy?” Michael pressed.

“He started it,” Lance protested.

Michael let out a laugh of disbelief and annoyance burned in Lance’s chest. Ok, yes, what he said was childish, but it was the truth. If he hadn’t given the ladies comment, he wouldn’t have had the urge to knock the guy around. “Whatever you say.” He put his hands up in the air.

“What?”

Michael pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m just wondering,” he said after a moment of silence, “…I mean first the guy at that fight and now him?” Lance gave him a confused look, shrugging his shoulders. “I think you’re projecting your anger of what people have said about you through your fighting.”

Lance opened and closed his mouth. He wasn’t wrong. Sure, he had so much support thrown his way and he loved and appreciated everybody for it. He was the happiest he had been in the longest time now that he was out, he couldn’t deny that. He also couldn’t ignore all the negativity either. Anyone could only ignore the negativity for so long until it was something they couldn’t get out of their mind.

All the times he had to hide how…disgusted and angry he felt with himself about what others said, he could finally get rid of his anger in some way. He could finally fight back against whatever it was that people wanted to say about him. He could finally not be seen as “Half-Pint” but as someone who wasn’t just going to be pushed around by everyone and anyone.

Or maybe you’re fighting yourself. Lance wondered when “that little voice” would be able to get a say in anything. He was doing a pretty good job at keeping it at bay. Maybe you just want to get rid of everyone that talks the way you still think. Lance gave a sharp shake of his head, feeling himself frown. Nice try.

“You know there are groups and organizations that can help you address that anger,” Michael explained to him. “LGBT, or LGBTQ—Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer; or the ‘Q’ can stand for questioning. The community has really helped me out since moving out here. I think it could help you too, if you’re interested.”

Lance twisted his mouth to the side.

“Maybe I could come over?” Michael pressed. “Bring you some information so you can see for yourself?’

Lance looked over at him, feeling his lips turn up into a smile. He couldn’t help it, he was just too cute to look at. “Maybe,” he replied, hearing the flirty lift to his tone.

“Maybe,” Michael repeated, smiling as well. He gently hit Lance on his knee with the back of his hand and Lance suddenly felt like he was struck by lightning. A jolt shot through his body and all the hair on his body stood straight up. Michael was silent for a moment, bowing his head, his gaze shifting to his lap. “Can I just ask you something?”

“Sure,” Lance replied.

“No more fights like that, ok?” Michael asked. “I mean, sparring, sure, but…it looked like you really wanted to rip that guy’s head off.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I’m more of a lover than a fighter; ‘make love, not war’, kind of person.”

Lance pressed his lips together, feeling another wave of a hot blush sliding over his body. “Deal,” Lance replied. What was a friendship without a few secrets here or there? What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. When was the last time he thought like that? He didn’t have to think too much about it; it was on a constant loop in his head—amongst other things—when he was still ‘in the closet.’

It’s funny how your thoughts don’t ever really change as you grow and get older, they just get applied to something else.

“So how’d you get into this?”

“Hmm?”

“This fighting thing.”

Lance was silent for a moment. “Are you in a rush to get anywhere right now?” he asked.

“No, why,” Michael replied.

Lance glanced over his shoulder, watching the flow of traffic before merging in. “It’s kind of a long story,” he replied.

“I’ve got time,” Michael insisted.

“Good.” Lance’s lips lifted into a small smile as he followed the flow of traffic until he was on the highway. Normally, being stuck on this infamous stretch of road with bumper to bumper traffic would make him want to rip out of his hair. But, now, he’d gladly enjoy this company for as long as possible. Pressing on the breaks just slightly to slow down his car, he started to slowly crawl forward in time with the cars around him. “I guess you could say it started way back when I joined this group called Attaché.”

---

 

Whiskey Kitchen
Clinton, Mississippi

“Do you not want to be here? I mean, we didn’t have to come to a bar.” Annaleigh lifted her napkin to her mouth and wiped the grease from her chili cheese fries.

“No, it’ fine,” Darren replied, matching her decibel to attempt to talk over the loud music and conversations. He gave a small laugh as he dunked a fry in ketchup before popping it into his mouth. “We decided to come here, remember?”

“Well, you haven’t said much and you won’t stop staring at me,” Annaleigh replied with a small laugh, shifting in her seat. She couldn’t remember the last time a bar stool had a back to it. Maybe to stop all the drunkards from falling all over themselves. Not that they needed much help with that. “So, I figured…”

“I’m glad you decided to go out with me,” Darren said. He then relaxed into a half smile. “And I can’t help but stare.”

This was it; their big first date. Despite living together, there was some tension and excitement between the two of them as they had prepared for the night. Actually she had basically holed herself up in the bathroom with Jasmine as he took the last ten minutes to get ready. He insisted it was more than that, but she knew guys after living with five of them for two years.

“Oh,” Annaleigh replied quietly.

“I was thinking about something, though,” Darren commented and Annaleigh gave him a curious look. He gave her a teasing smile. “Don’t know what kind of boyfriend I’ll be knowing that you can take care of yourself.”

“Unfortunately, the trouble I can take care of myself with, I generally get myself into in the first place,” Annaleigh commented, twisting her mouth to the side. She reached for her bottle of Southern Hops’pitality and lifted it to her lips, taking a long sip of her fruity drink. Wait. Boyfriend?  She loudly swallowed, lowering the bottle of the table with a shaky hand. She cleared her throat. “Um, well I mean, I need help every now and then. I’m not strong all the time as you know.”

“I’m just glad you trust me enough to confide in me,” Darren replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “No big deal.”

“It is to me,” Annaleigh replied with a nod, “so thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Darren replied.

“You know, I’ve been trying to figure something out about you, but I think I already know the answer to it,” Annaleigh commented. Darren lifted his shoulders as he slid a few French fries into his mouth. “How’ve you gone this long without a ring on your finger?”

“Couldn’t find anyone that held a candle to ya,” Darren replied, his nose wrinkling just slightly.

“Well, that’s not really fair for you, is it?” Annaleigh asked, tilting her head to the side. “I mean I kept you waiting this long…“

“Waited since I was near thirteen, actually,” Darren replied with an embarrassed laugh. “I always knew you were worth it and for some things you just have to hold onto hope, y’know?” Annaleigh felt the corners of her lips lifting into a smile. “I know what people said, but I figured until I got a clear indication from you that absolutely nothing would happen, I said a part of me would wait.”

“Part of you?” Annaleigh repeated, her eyebrows lifting.

Darren nodded. “Had a girlfriend for a little while,” he replied. “Might’ve gotten engaged, too, if she didn’t move for her job. She didn’t want to try a long distance thing.”

“I’m sorry.” Annaleigh lifted half of her hamburger to her lips, taking a large bite.

Hot juice from her burger dribbled down her chin along with the spicy sauce on it. As the taste of onion burned her tongue just slightly, she regretted having ordered onion rings with her burger. Onion rings and mashed potatoes were her comfort foods and it was hard to part with it. But with how well things were going, she hoped that she had a tic-tac or two in her purse.

“I’m not,” Darren replied with a shake of his head. “She was upfront and honest with me about it, and I knew how important her job was to her.” She knew how important his job was to him, too. Watching him with the chorus kids was attractive to her; like watching dads with their little kids. “Anyway, I’ve had a few dates here and there. You know that.”

“How is Lauren by the way?” Annaleigh asked.

“She’s fine,” Darren replied.

“That’s all I’m going to get?” Annaleigh rolled her eyes as Darren shrugged, nodding his head. “Men. So how long were you and this, almost engaged girl, together?”

“On and off for about three years,” Darren replied.

Annaleigh felt her eyes widen. “I would’ve gotten engaged by at least two years I think,” she commented before giving an over the top smile. “Then again, at that point, I think I’d go looking for my own engagement ring. Jewelry starts to have a lot of meaning after a year.”

“So Jasmine told me,” Darren replied, dryly. He was silent for a long moment. “So, say everything with Wade was going well…d’you think you’d want to marry him?”

Annaleigh pressed her lips together for a moment as she thought about it. She hadn’t really given it much thought beforehand. Wade was, despite everything, a good friend. He understood the struggles and hardships of being in the business. Maybe if she was still fully in it, she’d consider it. She’d want to marry someone that would understand her lifestyle and just her in her entirety. And Hollywood couples never really stayed together that long; five years together was like 10 years to the “outside world”. She didn’t think she’d want her love life to be televised that much.

They had a lot of fun together, even if a lot of the time their relationship had to be in secret. She was always one to stick to the rules as closely as possible. Try as she might, she should’ve known that the “no romantic entanglements” rule that Johnny had set up in her contract wasn’t going to be easy to follow. Purity ring or not she had urges and needs which got harder to ignore the longer she was in a testosterone filled house.

Not that it hasn’t been the talk of the town since the football game. She’s constantly had people coming up to her talking to her about Darren or the kiss. If she had to hear “I saw a kiss that would melt the Arctic” or, “I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time,” or something like that in her denial of it being a big deal, she was going to lose it. Even some of the elder folk in town would comment on how they knew something would eventually happen, or how cute the two of them were together, or “how it reminds me of us at your age” motioning to her husband. And she thought being the talk of the town amidst her parents’ marriage troubles was bad.

“I don’t think so,” she replied. “Being around him that long, I could see why he and Justin were such good friends. I think it’d be like marrying Justin; I’d be marrying a big kid.”

“And you want someone more mature?” Darren asked, speaking in the most snobby manner he could muster.

“Don’t we all,” Annaleigh agreed with a laugh. “Nah, you’ll do fine in a pinch, I suppose.”

“Well, thanks,” Darren said, exaggerating his eye roll. “You don’ say somethin’ like that to a southern boy. Hurts our ego.” He locked his gaze with hers and the two of them shared a laugh. “Besides, not just anybody’s suitable for my Grandma’s ring.”

“But I am?” Annaleigh asked.

“I like t’think so,” Darren replied with a nod of his head. “So, really, why did you want to come back here? To Mississippi?”

“You know me, I could never sit still,” Annaleigh replied with a shrug. “And I like to finish what I start; you know how stubborn I can be. My life started here so why not finish it here, too?” She bowed her head for a moment, suddenly shy. “And a certain guy was here too, one I wanted to finally give a shot.”

“And you always told me you’d never let a stupid boy dictate your life,” Darren commented, slowly shaking his head from side to side.  

“Well maybe I don’ think you’re stupid,” Annaleigh replied.

“Ha!” Darren gave her a look of disbelief. “How many times has the word ‘stupid’ come out of your mouth when referring to me?”

“Pssh, that was me flirting,” Annaleigh protested. “Pathetically, I might add.” She took another sip of beer, the fruity taste sliding over her tongue before she swallowed. “I promised dad I’d come back, too,” Annaleigh added, “and you know I don’ break a promise to my daddy.” She thought for a moment. “I don’t like breaking a lot of promises actually. Seem to remember makin’ a promise to you to try and visit more.”

“I just felt like you’re always tryin’ to run away from something, that’s all,” Darren replied, putting his hands up defensively. “I know it’s not my place to tell you what to do with your life or anything—“

“Rather have someone tell me than not know what to do myself,” Annaleigh replied with a sigh. “Because you’re right.”

“Boy, you hate sayin’ that don’t you?” Darren asked with a laugh.

 Annaleigh lifted her hand and held her index finger and pinky a little bit apart. “Just a tad bit,” she admitted. “I’ve just always hated bein’ wrong.” She gave a short laugh. “Been wrong about how I handled a lot of things in my life, though.”

“That’s ok, everyone does at one point or another,” Darren replied, waving his hand in the air. Annaleigh nodded and the two of them continued to eat, finishing their meals between topic changes in their conversation.

“Well, hey,” Darren commented as he wiped his fingers free of ketchup on his napkin, “we’ve gone two hours without calling each other names.” He grinned. “If that’s not an indication that things are going to go well with us—being together, I don’t know what is.”

“Night’s not over yet, Chippendale,” Annaleigh replied with a smirk. Darren shifted his gaze towards the ceiling, albeit smiling.

“Come on,” Darren laughed. “It’s a date. You’re not going to give me one day?”

“And people in hell want ice water, but they ain’t gettin’ that either,” Annaleigh replied with a laugh.

“So on that note, Annie,” Darren said, putting as much emphasis on her name as possible, “you want to head over to Honky Tonk? It’s two-step Tuesday.” He reached for his wallet, tilting his head to the side to signal one of the waiters over.

“I haven’t two stepped or line danced in a long time,” Annaleigh commented with a sigh. “Sure, why not? A girl likes to be swept off her feet every now and then.”