Summary: Close-minded and sheltered Kenzie Adams has lived her life devoted to being in an unloving marriage and the belief that someday her unwavering love for her husband will change their rocky destiny; but when he leaves for a business trip, she crosses paths with a man who opens her eyes to the possibility of actually finding herself without the burden of a wedding band.
Categories: In Progress Het Stories Characters: Justin Timberlake
Awards: None
Genres: Alternate Universe, Drama, Romance
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Completed: No
Word count: 22020 Read: 10582
Published: Sep 18, 2007 Updated: Dec 03, 2007
1. Prologue by CutiePie07
2. Chapter One by CutiePie07
3. Chapter Two by CutiePie07
4. Chapter Three by CutiePie07
5. Chapter Four by CutiePie07
6. Chapter Five by CutiePie07
Author's Notes:
What am I DOING? lol. I just had this idea for a story after watching "The Bridges of Madison County" and hearing Coldplay's "Fix You" like a thousand times that I decided I needed to take a run with this story and see what happens. AbO is my first priority so if I get behind with that story because of this then I'll stop, but until then...please give it a chance and tell me what you guys think...does it suck? Oh and if anyone is willing to make me a graphic for this story or AbO then please send me a message. Thank you and God Bless! -Jelisha:)
Written By: Jelisha J.
Copywright 2007
Prologue
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed..."
The existence of him and I lingers on me like the aftermath of a near perfect kiss. I know nothing but of him and I and what we have given to one another for so long. I can't rememeber a time when he wasn't here by my side, guiding me, directing me in the right path. We've been friends forever, lovers for a decade and husband and wife for years and still...I feel somewhat distanced from him; I know we should be closer, more intimate, more welcoming to the idea that we are destined to be together for the rest of our lives but even though he never speaks of it and neither do I...there is reservations in our hearts, our souls.
I'm only twenty-four and my very short years of life, I have built my entire essence around my husband - with him, I am safe, with him, I am secure, with him...I know I am loved, enough; what we share isn't exciting or something to run home about and tell the world but we have the comfort of knowing that even though no one else might want us...we will always have each other. It doesn't sound so romantic or appealing once I say this now but it isn't supposed to - my marriage isn't based on the foundation of love, romance or even lust - we have more important things in hand - like a future, a purpose.
I once hesitated when he first purposed - I was seventeen at the time and he had been the only man I've ever kissed, ever let touch my flesh underneath my clothes, ever made love to, ever loved, period; I wanted to marry him, I knew it would be the best thing to do, the safe thing to do but still my heart lingered for a sign, any sign that maybe I was so wrong and that I was too young to be married, too young to settle for one man for the rest of my life so early...but nothing happened, nothing changed. And so, I forged ahead with the plans he and I had made so long ago, when we were just children playing in a sandbox wide-eyed and clueless to how much those teasing words we shared would be our reality.
I never knew my father - he had been diagnosed with lung cancer the day that my mother found out that she was pregnant with their first and only child - instead of rejoicing with happiness of my impending birth, my mother consumed herself with aiding to my father's ailing health; just like my husband has been all that I know, my father had been the only man my mother has ever loved. Two weeks before my birth, he died suddenly, quickly, one minute he laid wrapped up in my mother's arms laughing, and then the next minute...he's dead.
At the mere mention of my engagment, I had secretly desired that she forbidden me from seeing him anymore, instead she encouraged me to hold on to my man tightly and cherish the moments I had with him because they could be so quickly taken away in a fleeting second; this is true, I know, but I still believed that at seventeen, no one surely knows for sure if they're meant to spend the rest of their life being devoted as a wife.
Until this very day since I made that oh so very important committment to him and myself - I have never left his side, truthfully, I don't know how to; I think once you surround your life around being everything someone else wants you to be...you lose yourself in the process, and maybe thats what happened to me, but then I wonder...who was I before I met my husband? I can't even remember. I spend my days catering to desires and I'm not talking sexually - intimacy isn't so crucial in my marriage, in fact, my husband and I really don't commit to anything sexual unless its a holiday or our anniversary. I never have the urge of anything more, because I know of nothing more but kisses on the cheeks and soft pats on my knees, reassuring me that I will be his forever.
There is sometimes an ache in my belly, an ache so deep that I feel only a child can heal - but children are out of the question, at least for now, they are; my husband's profession is so hectic, so unstable that he doesn't have the time, as of now, to devote his many nights to raising offspring. And I agree with him...somewhat - the many weeks that my husband stays away and travels to sell our crops off of our farm are the weeks I spend lonely, extremely lonely; he is all that I have and when he is gone...I am nothing. I don't know what to do with myself when he is away, I'm not sure what my interests are besides tending to my garden and taking care of our dogs.
Its not like I haven't tried to do something with myself... I have, there was once a time in my life that I began doing research on junior colleges in my small, secluded town but this quickly ended when my husband encouraged me to instead focus my attention on the crops that need planting, the crops that need watering, the crops that need picking and thus, it has become me, even though I'm not quite sure if I want it to be me.
I am grateful for my marriage - I am grateful that unlike majority of the population, my husband and I rarely disagree with one another and the love is still there - sometimes I know people question what exactly kind of "love" that we have for each other and I don't pay it any mind. I know we're not exactly normal and maybe we're a bit off but we do love each other, very much - he is the only person who has paid me the slightest bit of attention since life was breathed into me. He is my life and I am his and that is love. It has to be.
I've never been attracted to another man because I'm not truly interested in anything but what my husband gives me which is devotion and security and its not like I have ever had men knocking on my door when I was teenager; I'm okay to look at, I guess, I mean, my husband says I would look so much more pretty if I let down my long locks for once instead of having it all up in a tight, secure bun and stop wearing unflattering long, heavy-set dresses but I refuse to do this - married women are not meant to dress provocative, married women aren't meant to be "pretty" and I will never play that role. I don't wear make-up and I refuse to drink anything of the alcohol substance unless my husband is present. Its out of respect.
Married Tennessee women are forever devoted to their husbands and hopefully, in return, their husbands reciprocates the admiration - I got lucky with my man...I never worry of him wandering to another for affection because he takes his vows just as seriously as I do, besides most women consider my man to be "big" and "goofy" looking but I pay no mind to the town gossip because in these wide eyes of mine...my husband represents the average man working to make a life for his family. You have to love that about a man.
So now, as I prepare myself mentally for yet another month of being away from him, I ache in pain. I always dread the moment he leaves because it means I am left to my thoughts, my dreadful thoughts and and they sometimes frighten me. It wouldn't be so bad if my mother stayed nearby, but after I got married, she saw no reason of living her lonely life here in Memphis any longer and she took the first flight out and headed to Denver to shack up with her younger sister - we keep in touch from time to time and sometimes, I wish she'd ask me to leave, to escape while he's away, and maybe that'll give me an excuse to find some sort of purpose for my life but she never does. It shouldn't be so bad since I have my best friend, my only friend besides my husband, Danielle Roberts, and she brings some sort of much needed comfort while he's away.
I've known Dani since we were children with big dreams of falling in love when we're thirty but never getting hitched (ironic much?) - most people around here look at me like I'm crazy for the decisions I've made over the past couple of years but Dani has remained the same, so true, so constant, never changing. I know sometimes she wishes to guide me away from my sheltered life but instead she keeps her thoughts to herself and provides me with warmth and understanding; Danielle will make things more easy for me while he's away, it just rattles me that this will be the longest time that he will be away from me. A month? It seems like an eternity.
Last night, I had the urge to make love to my husband, something I never feel, but I knew it would be the last time I felt his flesh against my own for a whole four weeks and I had wanted to savor the memory in mind, in my soul, in my grasp, never letting it go. I never make the first move when it comes to pursuing him, he always writes down the time and place when we will be intimate and its just agreed on by me - its always on paper, our sexual advances but last night, I wanted to shake things up slightly. I wanted to be somewhat like a normal couple and have him take me no matter if we set up an "appointment" or not.
My nerves were slightly disorientated when claimed that it wasn't best to mess up our routine and throw things off balance - for the first time in my life...last night, I had wanted him more than I ever had and yet it stll wasn't good enough because I forgot to write it down on a piece of paper. I knew then that it was better to stick to the way things were and forever will be. What good is it to disrupt something that has been working so well for the past seven years?
"Kenzie?" I'm startled by his worried tone as my eyes immediately find his own.
I almost immediately move to his side as he begins closing various suitcases that are laid out across our living room floor. My chest burns with anxiety. "Yes?" I choke out, nervously.
His brown eyes brighten suddenly and he pats me on the shoulder softly, "You're going to be okay."
I nod my head in agreement - I know I will. I have to be. I just...need him here with me. I always need him.
"I know." I respond, quietly.
As he moves his things to the front door, I have the urge to kiss him. I want to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him near to me, close. But I know that this isn't possible. Its not even conceivable.
Its just not how our love works.
"Come here, honey." I move to him and his lips find my forehead and he places a soft, quick, kiss upon it. I close my eyes, trying to savor this moment but it proves to be too fleeting as he grabs his belongings and moves outside. I lean my small frame agaisnt the door post, arms folded in front of my small chest as he turns around briefly, smiling. We don't well with goodbyes. "I love you." He mumbles out quickly and my heart jumps.
Its very rare that we say these things to each other and when we do, it always reassures that our love is real, that it will stand the test of time, that it will last beyond our years. A forced smile makes it way onto my features and I sway my body back and forth on the balls of my toes. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I just have to say it back. I need to say it before he leaves. It'll give me hope. It'll reassure my mind.
I step out onto our lawn, so freshly cut. My arm grasps out to him, and I breathe out deeply as I see his vehicle begin to back out of our driveway. No! My mind is racing as I move my bare feet across the grass, quickly, on a mission. "Love you!" I yelp out in disdain, but its too late...he's gone.
Please come back, I want to say, please return to me. But I can't say anything as I force myself to turn back around to my home, my lovely home and force my unshed tears not to fall. I shut the door to my home as I step inside and inhale deeply, trying to even out my labored breathing. It hurts saying goodbye, it does, it hurts even worse when you're not sure if you have future without that person by your side and thats me, thats always me.
But my emotions won't get the best of me - thats a unspoken rule in our home - we never let our emotions show; we have to be strong for each other and in the midst of that, there is no time for tears and sadness, no time to mourn or be depress, there is only time to be his wife and he, my husband. I purse my lips together as I gather myself together and I force myself to start working on dinner for just myself as I push my feelings of lost aside and bury it in the back of my mind.
Life goes on and I'm used to this - who knows? This month might pass by without me even blinking, or at least I'm hoping it will.
* * *
Chapter One by CutiePie07
Author's Notes:
Here goes another chapter and I should have one up for ABO by tonight or sometime tomorrow. Thanks for the fb, Traci and d_simplicity, made my day. :) God Bless! -Jelisha:)
Chapter One
"...when you get what you want, but not what you need..."
"Let's talk about the perks of being without your husband for an entire month, shall we?" Danielle's excited tone makes me want to smile, which I do. I think she actually enjoys when my husband leaves because thats probably when we spend the most time together and I have to admit that that probably is the only thing that is an upside to Parker leaving me.
I cuddle my satin blue pillow between my legs as I push my body against the headboard of my bed, my eyes watching my best friend before me as she paces around the room, smiles and all. "I'm listening." I say, softly.
She leans against my bedpost, "Okay, first, you and me?" She giggles, "We're going to be spending every waking hour together 'til that boring husband of yours gets back-"
I frown. "Hey!" Her brows raise in question. "He's not boring," She snorts and I roll my eyes, chuckling. "Um, okay, maybe he is just a little bit."
Danielle waves me off. "Girl, please, I have more fun talking to Precious."
I snort. "Precious is a dog."
My best friend raises her arms up in the air in conclusion. "And thats my point." She sits down on my comforter and places her perfectly manicured hands in her lap, "Then we're going to get fucking wasted every night and hit the club scene," She does a little booty dance on my bed and I giggle softly, "and just shake our asses like there is no tomorrow!"
While that sounds appealing, I know I will never do it - I don't drink alcohol without the presence of Parker and I never really like the idea of going to clubs. Whats the purpose? I see none. Clubbing is just an excuse people use to rub their sweaty bodies against strangers without being called a slut, whore, tramp, and everything else in the book. I know Danielle really isn't into the clubbing aspect either, she's probably just trying to spice up our boring activities of playing who can stare at the other person the longest without blinking game.
Even in high school, we secluded ourselves from others - I know I only did this because I was too enraptured with spending my days and nights with Parker that I didn't have time to focus or talk to anyone else that wasn't him or my best friend but I never truly understood why she never associated with anyone but me; she had enough boys lined up outside her door to have her pick if she wanted but I knew that she really wasn't trying to be the object of anyone's affection. I think that after seeing the kind of relationshop Parker and I have, she just decided that falling in love wasn't for her, so she distanced herself from the opposite sex.
And she remains this way - she has her occasional late night "booty call" (and because of this, consquences has ensued for her that she wasn't exactly ready for) as she calls it from time to time but she isn't looking for anything serious and I sometimes feel somewhat guilty for her hesitancy to explore the greatness that is love. I'll admit that my version of love might be pretty weird but its still love, its still real and its been lasting for more than a decade now, so I must be doing something right.
"Sure we are." I mumble, playfully.
Danielle shrugs her shoulders helplessly, glancing at a hanging picture of Parker and I on our wedding day which is placed on the wall, she sighs. "We need to spice up our lifestyle cause its making us seem like we're in our sixties when we're four generations younger." Her brown eyes dance with mischief, "We should get tattoos and some piercings."
I scrunch my nose in disgust. Parker had to convince me for weeks to get his initials inked onto the inside of my wrist permanently and even now, looking down at the P.A., I cringe. Tattoos are so permanent, so final, and it just made it even more apparent that Parker and I would never be apart from one another. I should be happy about that, right? "I don't think so, Dani."
She groans with frustration. She's trying to come up with any idea. "Um...well what about tomorrow we go out and get the whole spa treatment?"
I smile. I like that idea. "Wish I could." I say, slowly and I watch in amusement as she widens her eyes and I know she now just thinks I'm trying to get out of spending any time with her. "I just have to be here to show the new gardener around...after that, I'm free."
She purses her lips together. "Why do you need a gardener? I thought you like doing that kind of shit."
I frown. "I do, but Parker thinks its best if I have some extra help while he's gone so...I-"
Danielle rolls her eyes. "So, you just bent over and let him have his way." She's stating this.
Heat rushes to my cheeks and I turn my head away from hers, embarrassed. "It gives us more time to hang out anyway."
She smirks. "And what we're gonna do, huh? You don't like to do anything unless Parker is around which I think is fucking stupid cause you have no idea what he's doing while he's flying 'cross the country."
I want to speak up now. I want to defend my man. But I can't. She's right. I hate to admit it, but she is. I don't know exactly what he's doing right now or if he's even thinking of me but thats the thing about being married - you just have to have faith in your partner. And I do. I have had faith for all of the seven years that we've been married and I will continue to trust him because I know he will never steer me wrong, I know, in my heart, he will never leave or desert me. He will be there for me until there is nothing left for him to give and for this, I give him my loyalty.
I need to switch the conversation up and quickly or we're going to be headed into the wrong direction of things. "Um, Chris asked about you, again, today."
She bites onto my bait. "Chris needs to grow a fucking self-esteem and maybe he won't have erection issues." She mutters, upset.
I squint my eyes. "I think he really likes you, Dani."
She gives me the same expression that I give her. "And I think you need to get divorced but we don't always get what we want, do we?" She replies, smugly.
I hate when she gets upset with me for loving my husband, for supporting my husband - maybe if she had someone in her life, someone that wasn't some nightly fuck, she'd understand my devotion. I move the pillow aside and I stand from my bed, stretching my arms over my head, I sigh. "Lets not talk about Parker, all right? Please?" I plead with her . I don't like to fight with her, or anyone, for that matter.
She shrugs her shoulders and folds her arms in front of her plumped chest, her wide brown eyes staring at me blankly. "I'll shut up about fat ass Parker Adams, but you need to understand this - I never ask you for anything, Kenny, and the only thing I'm asking from you now is just to have fun with your best friend for a couple of weeks. You can be married and have fun, too - its possible."
I smirk. My eyes travel to the very small but obvious bulge in her belly. "But obviously, you can't do any of those things you named." She looks clueless as to why and I grin. "You're pregnant, you idiot."
Danielle's hands travel to her belly and the features on her face soften suddenly; its still creepy to think that Dani is going to be a mother in about five months - I think she purposely tries to forget that she is with child because she doesn't want to take responsibility for her actions. But see thats what happens to people who find sex their solitude for happiness - Danielle vowed never to love a man but yet, here she is, carrying a man's child who she's not quite sure who could be the father. In the back of her mind, I know there is hesitation, I know she has doubts and in the back of my mind, I envy her.
So many nights I pleaded with Parker; he could still go off and sell our crops, I could just take care of our children while he was away but he wouldn't relent. It hurts every now and then when I look at Danielle, someone who never in a million years wanted to become a mother, and me, someone who has been relying on pregnancy to strengthen my marriage, and I realize how really messed up this world is. I should be happy for her, I mean, I am, but still...I need a child more than she does. I need someone to keep me company when Parker is away. I need someone to love.
She licks her lips. "Bummer, right?" I know that she's playing but I still see a hint of sadness in those hazel eyes of hers. This isn't what she expected for herself, this isn't what she signed up for. "But we can still do a lot of other shit...like shop, shop and you know what else? Shop."
My eyes won't leave her belly. "You think Chris could be the fa-"
She becomes stern. "No." Her voice is rough, hard.
Topics of who her potential baby's father could be leaves her angry and distressed - I really didn't think my best friend slept with so many people in so little time that she wouldn't even have the slightest clue as to who fathered her child. It only shows you how much you know about a person.
I know its best to once again change the subject. Thats the thing about Danielle - unlike me, she is very emotional. She doesn't hide how she feels from anyone and sometimes I wish I could be like her, be so fearless, be so humane...just be a woman. But when you marry someone, you sacrifice a part of yourself that you never thought you would lose in the first place.
"I think you're losing your mind." I whisper in a shaky voice to my best friend beside me as she quickly pops open a can of Bud Light and hands it to me, grinning. I shake my head automatically, "Ma will kill me if she saw me drinking, you know this, Dani." But I don't hand the beer can back to her, instead I sip on the contents, scrunching my face up in disgust as the liquid burns down my throat and leaves my chest aching.
God, I really do hate beer.
Danielle is too enraptured with drinking her own can of alcohol that she doesn't respond to my anxiety, in fact, she moves to my bedroom door, locks it and sits on my white, plushed carpet, her brown eyes dance. "I think you're the one who's losing their mind," She says this low, as if my mother might standing right outside my door, listening. "I can't believe you fucking said yes to Parker's fat ass!"
I burp, loudly and a giggle escapes my lips as I finish off my can and try to control my burps that are now coming fast and steady. I can never truly drink any alcohol substance without burping like crazy. "He," burp, "loves," burp, "me" I burp, again.
Danielle smirks and shakes her head, licking her full, red lips. "He doesn't know what love is, Kenny." She chuckles, "I mean, lets be real, all right? He loves turkey sandwiches, you know he does - thats love to him, Kenny, not this childish shit that you two are stuck on."
Heat rushes to my cheeks as I always seem to get embarrassed when my friend criticises my boyfriend over his weight; yeah, I'll admit he is on the heavy side but that does nothing for his manhood and his personality - he's just a sweet, cuddly teddy bear to me, a really big teddy bear. Parker Adams has been my boyfriend since the fifth grade and since the moment he offered me half of his turkey sandwich (which is a big deal cause he loves those things) because I had nothing to eat in class, I've been smitten with him; I think as we have gotten older, we both have changed over time.
I've always been short and very bony, clothes hang off of me baring my skeletal skin - and I've been constantly teased for this huge mole I have on my left cheek, but other than that I think I matured into a pretty looking girl, I mean I try to keep my long brown hair done as much as possible and if I don't keep my tan maintained then I look like some pale, ugly little ghost; as far as Parker, he's always been short, too, but I just think his weight caught up with him. He loves junk food, he loves home cooked meals and its very evident by the big bulge in his stomach. He has what they call a "beer belly", but it doesn't phase me in the slightest.
I love him for loving me through my awkward stages of puberty and I love him for seeing me as the most beautiful girl he has ever seen - I know I can do no better than him. And yeah, maybe we are too young to be getting hitched but something within the pits of me believe we will be all right.
I push strands of my hair out of my face and snort. "You just don't understand, Dani - we get each other."
No one understands our love and I have come to the conclusion that they never will - I mean, sometimes I even question what has made us work for so long, or what is the essence of our self proclaimed love for one another but then I realize that I don't owe anyone any explanation for the love I have for someone and the love that he has for me. Something has to be right between us if we've lasted this long. I think people might just be jealous.
Well, maybe everyone except Danielle. She doesn't give a fuck about Parker. She doesn't like him. "Whatever - you're right, I don't understand." She burps now and we both laugh out loud. "All I see between the both of you is food. Thats all you two talk about is food. Thats all you two do is eat because Parker is obsessed with stuffing his face." I roll my eyes. "I just want you to really think 'bout this shit before doing it cause once its done, you can't go back."
I shrug my shoulders. People just don't get the way I feel for this man of mine. "My mind is made up."
Danielle shakes her head, sympathetically, "Well, you've just dug your early grave, kid."
* * *
I hear the music softly blaring upstairs in my guest bedroom and a smile twitches on my lips, happily - everytime Parker leaves, Danielle temporarily moves into my spare room to keep me company and even now, as its early morning and way too early to be blasting songs about performing oral sex I still am overwhelmed with the presence of knowing that I truly am not alone. I have secluded myself to my daily routine -wake up, do my personal hygiene, straighten my bedroom, and then proceed to cook breakfast and make coffee. I'm so used to doing this for Parker everyday that when he's gone, I somehow have to remind myself that Danielle doesn't eat in the morning and that I barely eat at all when my husband isn't around.
So now, I'm stuck in my long, brown cotton house dress and I'm walking aimlessly around the house, looking for anything out of place, anything that looks slightly dusty or rattled - I have a fascination with cleaning when I have nothing else to do, I do this so much that my house barely stays out of top shape. I'm a clean freak. I can't help it. The shutter ring of the house phone brings me back to reality as I move to the white cordless phone sitting on my dining room table, I shake my head, I really don't like having the phone on the table where people eat. But Parker thinks that its for the best and I can do nothing but oblige.
"Adams residence." I answer automatically - many years have taught me that the best way to answer the phone is by just stating our name and let it be known who we are without any hesitation, plus Parker has stated to me that speaking in a childish tone is very unwomanly like.
I hear a sigh of relief on the other end of the line. "You're getting better at answering the phone. Good." I widen my eyes and my grin widens as I am on cloud nine as I listen to my husband's labored breathing.
He seems to always be out of breath. "Parker," I exclaim, my insides jumping with happiness. "Did you make it to Denver, okay? How are you? Did I pack enough turkey sandwiches in your bag for you?" I'm so worried and I don't realize how much I miss him until now, I feel as if I'm going to burst.
"Slow down, Kenzie." My breathing slows down some as I know I have gotten too worked up. Parker doesn't like when I do that. "I didn't call to check in - we can do that another time." I nod my head, sadly. I don't understand what is the big deal with telling me if he's okay. God, sometimes he can be so frustrating and confusing. "I called to see if the new garderner has come by yet."
I roll my eyes. Of course, he doesn't care for me but he'll bend over backwards for anyone he spends money on. I feel so blessed. "No, he hasn't shown up, yet." I mumble, trying my best to disdain my anger.
"Oh, I wonder what is taking him so long? Ms. Harris down at the cornerstore says he's the best in Memphis," He blows air over the line and I find myself distracted now with my dusty bookcase shelves, I need something to divert my attention away Parker. "He'll be coming down there every day to check up on things so I've already paid him in advance, hopefully after this week, he'll be way ahead with the plants and crops that we won't need him for another two weeks, I think?" God, won't he stop talking anytime soon? Can't he tell that I don't give a shit about some young ass garderner?
There is a knock at my front door and I glance to the stairs and silently wonder if Danielle has invited anyone over to the house, which I don't mind if she did, I just wish she would let someone know first - I mean I like things to be spic and span when visitors come to my home. I have an image to uphold. Parker expects that from me. Even now, my husband is still conversating with himself about how much money he has invested in this garderner boy and I tune him out as I open my door and there stands before me a tall, masculine, curly haired, blue-eyed man with a tool belt wrapped around his skinny waist and his cheeky smile is kind of catching me off guard.
I frown. "May I help you?"
His blue eyes dance as he stares back at me, amused. "Sorry I'm late, Ma'am." His southern accent is evident as he holds out his hand to me and I stare his dirty hand, confused. Is he serious? So many germs on that hand has left me nauseous. When I make no attempt to shake his hand, he drops it back down to his side and the smile slowly leaves his face. "I'm guessing you are Mrs. Adams?" I nod my head, cautiously, "I'm the gardener your husband employed - Mr. Timberlake is my name, Ma'am."
I let out a shaky breath. Okay, he looks kind of too...what is the word I'm looking for? "Hot damn, you're fine!" I jump at the voice behind me as Danielle somehow has snuck downstairs and is now standing beside me, well in front of me now as she pushes me to the side, her demeanor changing all too quick. "What's your name?"
He just grins at her and holds out his hand for her to shake, which she does, quickly and I want to roll my eyes. Danielle will flirt with anyone. "Justin, Ma'am. And you are?"
Her laugh is all high and girly and I know for sure that she is in flirting zone. God, I don't need the guy to quit in the next week because my best friend has screwed him over. This isn't going to happen. "Baby, don't call me that - we're all adults here." She drops her hand from his and moves closer to him, her hands finding her belly. "I'm Danielle, its so very nice to meet you."
I smirk. I now remember my husband is still on the line and somehow he hasn't even noticed that I haven't been paying the slightest attention to him. Figures. "Honey, the garderner is here." I interrupt him quickly.
Parker seems relieved. "Oh, good. Put him on the phone, please."
I hand the phone to the man before me and try to visibly shake as his fingertips graze over my skin lightly. God, I hate filthy hands. As he places the phone to his ear and begins to listen intently to my husband's orders, I grab my pregnant friend from his side - she is gawking like she has just seen Orlando Bloom or something.
"What's wrong with you?" I mumble underneath my breath, a few feet away from the garderner.
Danielle motions her hands to Justin and her eyes dance with mischief. "That fine piece of speciman right there is whats wrong with me." She glances to me briefly, studying me. "Are you fucking blind or somthing? He's a wet dream in the making." She licks her lips, slowly, eyeing the lower half of his body in some tight blue jeans. "I'd love it if he plow his hands in my garden...if you know what I mean."
I wince. Too much damn information. "Thats disgusting."
She shrugs her shoulders. "Oh, lighten up." She cocks her head to the side, still studying Justin. I glance at him quickly to try to see what she sees in him and I don't know exactly what it is. I'm probably really not the best person to judge someone by their looks - I'm so used to only having eyes for my husband that I barely even notice another man when he speaks to me. So, now as I stare at this man before me, all I see is the average Joe - he holds nothing in comparison to my husband.
Absolutely nothing.
"He's going to be here everyday for the next month?" She asks me now.
I nod my head slowly and she whistles with pleasure. "Don't you even think about it." I say now, already knowing what she's up to.
A laugh escapes her lips and she shakes her head. "I wouldn't dare." Her hazel eyes gives me doubts as she moves her hips from side to side, estatic. "I just found you something to do while fat ass is away."
I snort. "What?"
She blushes. "Him."
I cough loudly and watch in horror as she makes her way back into the house, but not before slapping Justin on the ass and causing him to yelp. I want to laugh but I'm too embarrassed right now. I notice he is now staring at me quietly as he hands my phone back to me. I'm just now noticing how clear his blue eyes are. I take the phone from his grasp and try to control my nervous breathing. I'm nervous all of the sudden because Danielle's goofy ass - she loves to start trouble.
"I guess I better gon' ahead and do what I'm paid to do." He smiles at me, "I can find things on my own."
He sure smiles a lot. I shake my head. "No, you're going to be here everyday for the next month, so we need to be on good terms." I say, sternly. "I'll show you around." He is continuing to stare at me blankly, still smiling. "Feel free to welcome yourself in the house for something to drink or use the bathroom whenever you like and if you're here when I'm preparing a meal, you are more than welcome to join us for dinner." He nods his head along with everything I'm saying and I fold my arms in front of my flat chest. "I'm Kenzie." I now hold out my hand for him to shake and he does, cautiously, at first but then relaxes some, "Its nice to meet you."
He drops my hand from his and pulls on the tight fitting white shirt he has on. "Nice to meet you too, Ma-I mean, Kenzie."
I force a smile on my face as I step down the porch steps of my home and begin walking to my backyard. "Well, come on," I motion to him and he quickly follows, tools in hand. "Lets get you situated."
* * *
Chapter Two by CutiePie07
Author's Notes:
Right now, I want to write for ABO and everytime I try...I end up writing for this story, I'm going to give this story a rest for the week so I can get a chapter up for ABO. lol. But thanks for all the reviews because they make my day. Keep 'em coming! :) - Jelisha
Chapter Two
"When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep..."
My weary eyes blink rapidly as I move the cool bed sheets from my warm body - I'm breathing heavily and I'm not exactly sure what time it is; all I can remember is bearing my farewell to Danielle as she escaped for the evening to one of her many unknown conquests, just thinking about this scenario has me shaking my head in distaste. I love my best friend with all of my heart but sometimes, even though I never admit this to anyone, I can understand why in high school people identified her as the school "tramp" - but then I curse myself for letting my thoughts get that far, I can't fault her for loving the opposite sex as much as she does.
I glance to the alarm clock beside me, the only light thats emitting in my bedroom - I sigh, loudly, its only ten past nine; worry succumbs me now as I know I won't be getting any kind of rest anytime soon - this tends to always happen when Parker is away from me...I can't sleep. I'm so used to always having this huge presence of a man beside me to keep me secure but when he's away, all I can rely on is my small, skeletal frame and my thick bed sheets to warm me through the night - and that never works. Like I said before, intimacy isn't done in my home unless its set as an appointment so I don't particularly yearn to have him here just to feel his essence inside of me, no...its more than that, so much more...Parker brings me comfort, he gives me peace, he is my savior.
I never realized how much I relied on him until the very first time he was away from me - it was about four years ago and thats when I pleaded with Danielle to keep me company while my husband ventured away, I was so close to having an anxiety attack - I was so fearful of not being able to care for myself. Thats crazy, right? But its true, my whole life I have built around this man and if I am away from him, I am truly nothing...he is all that I know. I can't be anything else unless I am with him.
The whirring echos of the wind leads me to the window in my room, my eyes widen slightly as I look to my garden below and see the gardener still watering plants and planting seeds - my mind races...didn't I relieve him for the rest of the day? I don't remember. Everything is all a bit hazy right now and I know he is getting paid by the work he does but still...what good can he do right now when he can barely see anything? I need to tell him its time for him to go. The howling of Mamie darts my focus from the man below me to my yellow-haired small, cocker-spaniel puppy staring up at me, pleading me to pay attention to her.
A smile graces my plain features as I engulf this little being into my embrace - I had to beg my husband for weeks to let me adopt another dog that wouldn't end up being a watch dog for our property - we already own three, very huge pit bulls and those belong to Parker, not me; when I laid eyes on Mamie in that shelter, I knew she would be mine, her sad eyes, her thin body, her frightened presence reminded me too much of myself. Sometimes, I find myself more enraptured by sending time with Mamie than making love to my own husband.
Something is terribly wrong with me.
She rubs her wet nose against my cheek and I giggle softly, tickled. "Mommy missed you." I say, as she continues to shower me with her love. I glance at my thin figure in the full length mirror in front of me and immediately decide to put on a robe to cover my bare skin - placing Mamie on my bed, I head to my closet and grab the longest, thickest robe I can find and engulf my body inside of it. My fingers run through my hair quickly and I instinctively pull its thickness of waves into a low bun - I will never let anyone but my husband and best friend see me with my hair down, its just out of respect for my husband. Don't question me for my reasons, its all in good reason.
My feet slip into my pink house shoes and I motion for Mamie to follow me. "Come on, baby." I coo softly as she excitedly jumps off of my bed and trudges behind me as I head downstairs and out the backdoor.
The cool breeze blows gently against my flesh and I cross my arms in front of my flat chest, protectively as I move closer to the working man before me - Mamie is now front of me, on guard...she doesn't know this man. I smirk. She is always trying to protect her mother. "Um, Justin, is it?" I speak now, and I breathe in deeply as he glances up from his kneeling position in the filthy dirt and all I can really see is those wide blue eyes of his - the moonlight hits them so nicely that it brightens his whole face.
He glances down at his dirty hands and back up at me, grinning. "I'm sorry, Ma-I mean Kenzie...I just kind of got carried away with the time."
I nod my head and watch in amusement as he tries to pet my precious Mamie but she growls at him instead and saunters off back towards the house - she sees him as no threat to me. "Guess it doesn't like me, huh?"
I snort. No kidding. "She just gotta get used to being 'round you." My face scrunches in disgust as I inhale the odor of musk. I know I shouldn't judge this man because he has been in the fields all day long, but still...this smell is really bothering me. "Justin, uh, did you want anything to drink before you left?" I ask, hoping he will say no. I don't want his filthy behind in my house.
He stands from his kneeling position and shakes off the dirt on his hands and I am shocked to see his body tower over mine so easily, I quickly step back, on guard. "Thats very nice of you, Kenzie, but I think I bets to be going." He nods to his red pickup truck in the driveway and I rise my brows in confusion. "Got some water in the truck. I'm just going to be on my way. I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Adams."
I frown as he manuvers his way around me - okay, I didn't want him coming inside of my house, its true, but still, he has been working all day without even so much as a ten minute break and I feel somewhat obligated to show him appreciation. I let out a raspy breath and begin to move towards my porch, "No, I assist, please....just accept a nice offering when its given to you, okay?"
I fully aspect him to continue to his truck, ignoring me, but instead he surprises me and follows me to my backyard porch. My heartbeat quickens slightly as I'm not sure what to do now.
* * *
I place the full glass of cold water in front of him and watch intently as he devours the glass within seconds. Yeah, I knew he was thirsty. I laugh softly and take the glass from his fingertips and make my way to the fridge to pour him another glass full.
His voice stops me. "Oh, I'm fine now, but thank you." I can hear my table dining chair scooting back as he stands from the table, car keys in hand - I made him change his shirt and wash his hands before sitting down at my kitchen table. I had my limits. "I really need to get going." He says this with urgency and I turn around briefly to place the empty glass into my marble sink.
My eyes wander over to the phone beside me and I ache for Parker to call - I just want to hear his voice, I need to know that he is okay. I need to know that he cares if I am okay. I need reassurance. I need something, anything from my husband.
I lick my lips quickly and tighten the knot biding my robe together. "I apologize if I've kept you too long, I just...I wanted to get to know the person who is going to be here, at my home, for the next month, thats all."
Justin halters his movement now and a soft smile etches upon his lips as he moves back to my dining room chair and sits down slowly, eyeing me. "T-There's nothing wrong with that, Kenzie - I figured, I mean, your husband sort of implied that you tend to get nervous around other men when he isn't around and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way."
This makes me smile. Parker was worried about my well-being. He actually cared enough to tell this man to back off of me. My heart warms as I think of this. I move to the seat across from him and sit down, quickly, placing my hands on the wooden table before me. "I'm fine," I speak slowly, eyeing his short, brown curls and the scruff on his face. I snort. He needs to shave, badly. "I made some fried chicken and mashed potatoes earlier...do you want some?"
When he doesn't respond but instead licks his lips in pleasure, I assume this to be my answer as I move towards my fridge and pull out two plastic containers. "Uh, you don't have to do that - I'm fine, Ma'am."
I giggle softly and glance to him. "It seems like you're the one who is uncomfortable." I frown as he blushes. What he is embarrassed for? "And what happened to you calling me Kenzie?"
He glances away from my teasing gaze as he coughs. "I'm sor-"
I groan. "No need to apologize, just try not to do it again." I place the containers on my stovetop. "I feel so old when you call me that."
He scoffs, "Trust me, you're anything but old, Kenzie." I look to him, eyes wide, and he just winks at me, smiling.
Um, okay then.
* * *
I place my left hand onto my protruding belly and sigh in annoyance as this creature beside me continues to try to nibble at my neck. Ugh! Will he just get the fuck away from me? My right hand grabs a hold of the door handle and I don't hesitate as I push myself outside. What a lousy evening. If I had known he was going to bust a nut in a matter of seconds then I would have stayed home and played Scrabble with Kenzie.
Slamming his car door, I don't respond to his pleas of attention, instead I waddle, and when I say waddle, I mean just that...I waddle my way onto the front porch and let myself inside of this ever so huge house - instantly I am greeted with the sounds of Kenzie's loud laughter and I can't help but smile, I don't remember the last time I heard her laugh from the depths of her stomach. It sounds like music to my ears.
I'm always grateful for Mackenzie Adams and I probably always will be - I've never like the idea of having females as friends because I find that we can be some pretty bitchy people; my mother ran out on my father when I was two years old so I never really had that motherly love going on for me, unless you count the many fucking friends my father has had over the years. I've never blamed my dad for my mother's shortcomings because I know he has done the best he possibly he can do with the little he has been given; I guess thats probably why I turn to men for affection and attention than to instead confide in the same sex.
Women have a tend to be two-sided and more accurately jealous of any woman who happens to be a little bit more prettier than they are - its crazy how much we let our looks go to our heads, its crazy how much we let it fuck up our everyday thoughts and decisions - thats the thing that had me convinced that Kenzie was different from other stuck-up bitches. She's emotional just like the rest of us but beneath that emotional exterior is a person yearning to be loved, yearning to be wanted, yearning to be just...noticed and in many ways, I can relate to her. My whole life since the day that my mother walked out on me and my father, I have been wanting so desperately to be noticed by someone, anyone.
I know I'm attractive - I'm not blind nor am I deaf to the many compliments I receive on a daily basis but still...us women still get insecure sometimes about our appearances, and I usually need reassurance...so thats where men come in - I welcome sex like its breakfast in the morning, I'm not sure if I'm really good at anything else but I know damn well that I'm good in the sack. Yeah, I've been the "other" woman, I've been the town slut (probably still is), and I've ridiculed and manipulated on various occasions but this doesn't phase me at all. People really don't understand why I do the things that I do, and sometimes, I don't even understand it myself - and now, its even more evident that I'm confused by what the hell I am doing since now I am with child.
I should be happy, right? I should be overjoyed but all I can think about is why didn't I find this out a month earlier so I could've taken care of this little "problem"? I should be ashamed of myself and of my thoughts but I'm not - I know Kenzie sometimes envies the notion that I'm becoming a mother when thats all she really wants; she thinks that if she brings a child into this cruel world that it will bring love into her useless marriage - her idea of love is all fucked up, let me just tell you that. But most of the time, I keep my opinions to myself just because I know she is so sensitive about her marriage - she depends on Fat Ass like she depends on the air to breathe. Sad, right?
I feel like we both are fucked up in more ways than one but somehow I think in the end, maybe we will be able to heal one another from our faults, from the things that are destructing us as people - I have to believe that I am to give up my dick-sucking habits in turn for the motherly instincts that I feel my soul succumbing to slowly and I have to believe in the dream that one day my best friend will wake up from her pathetic life and see she is so much more than just a housewife.
She's a woman who deserves happiness, who deserves love.
I make my way into the kitchen and almost drop my handbag when I'm greeted with the presence of the sexy ass gardener doing some kind of awkward dance in the middle of dining room, my eyebrows rise in question as I watch in silence as Kenzie begins to clap a rhythm for the young man to dance to; her brown eyes glisten and a wide smile is placed on her lonely features. I snort. "What the hell is this?" I say now, slipping out of my flat shoes and licking my lips as Justin's face turns red, noticing me. "Don't be shy, honey - I like what I see."
Yeah, I tend to cut through the bullshit.
Kenzie stops clapping immediately and stands from her chair, pulling on the strings of her robe, she begins to hurriedly place glasses into her kitchen sink. I shake my head - she's nervous as fuck.
Justin moves to me now, grabbing my hands along the way, and of course, I welcome it. If you see this fine piece of ass, you'd understand where I'm coming fromt, trust me. "I was just showing Mrs. Adams how true country folks dance." He smells like outside but it doesn't bother me - as long as I get to stare into those big blue eyes of his...I'm all right.
I smirk. "You mean how hillbillys dance, right?" He chuckles and I join in. "'Cause what you were just doing looked a hot mess."
His lips brush over my cheek briefly and I am in dangerous territory right now. "Its nice to see you again, Danielle."
I smile. "I'm surprised to see you still here," I feel a pair of eyes staring at me from behind so I turn around to see my best friend leaning against her kitchen sink, staring quietly, arms folded across her chest, waiting.
What the hell is she looking at me like that for?
* * *
I don't know what has just came over me - just a few minutes before, I let my shoes fall from my feet and I laid them on top of my table and actually laughed out loud at this character named Justin; I don't know where the conversation led us to, but the next thing I knew, he was dancing like he was on the CMT channel and my chest began to ache so much with the laughter I had built inside of my soul. I have to admit, it felt good, damn good.
And as quickly as it happened, it disappeared - Danielle has that affect on every man but my husband that when she walks into a room, all eyes laid on her - she's that captivating and now I feel suddenly out of place as I watch my gardener and my best friend engage in some sort of lovey-dovey staring contest. I think I will be able to go to sleep now - I don't know what it is but it just feels so weird standing here watching Danielle run the show when just seconds before, I had someone's attention, I had their entire focus and I don't think I've ever had that from anyone before, not even Parker. I find it very sad that I depend on my happiness from a complete stranger.
"How long you been married?" My brows raise in defense immediately. "If you don't mind me asking," He takes a sip of the water from his glass and with his free hand, drums his fingers agaisnt my tabletop.
I stare at the two karat diamond ring on my left hand and twist it gently around my finger, licking my lips, I glance up. "It'll be seven years on the 18th of November."
Justin whistles softly and shakes his head. "Seven years seems like an eternity."
I roll my eyes and glance away. "It is." I mumble to myself.
He leans over the table, trying to catch what I said but I shake my head, shrugging his shoulders, he returns to his position. I bite down on my lower lip, I don't usually hold conversations with anyone but Dani or Parker so this is new territory for me. "You don't want to get married one day?"
Justin smirks. "I was engaged a few years back," I cock my head to the side, interested now. "Loved the girl with all of my heart but I think thats the problem - people make this marriage thing bigger than what it really is." Heat rushes to my cheeks now and he takes notice. "I don't mean for that to offend you, Mrs. Adams-"
"Kenzie," I correct him, quickly.
He grins. "Kenzie," He states now, "But in my case, she and I had given everything we could possibly give to one another and we didn't know what else we could do for one another - so we figured marriage was the only solution." He shakes his head, "It took 'bout three months after the proposal for me to realize that this wasn't right for me, for us."
I rest my chin on my left hand and lower my eyelids. "What made you realize it wasn't right?"
I needed to know. I wanted to know. I had to know. He folds his muscular arms in front of his chest and sighs. "It was my birthday and she wanted to make me my favorite meal." He looks thoughtful, "It was spaghetti and meatballs."
I frown. "Um, okay?"
He chuckles softly. "Its just...thats her favorite meal," He glances to the floor briefly, "We had been together for three years and she didn't even think it was important enough to remember my favorite meal." He purses his lips together. "We weren't ready for marriage, we were nowhere near ready for it."
I scoff, appalled. "You ended a relationship because she forgot to cook you what you liked?" I scrunch my face up in disgust. "Thats a little thing."
He nods his head in agreement. "You see, I'm into the little things." He places his hands upon the table and stares at me intently. "Little things like her favorite shampoo, her favorite cd, whats her most prized possesion...shit like that means something to me." Justin squints his eyes at me in wonder. "How did you know you were ready to get married?"
I force my eyes away from his, my heartbeat increasing slightly. I want to say I didn't know, I want to say I never was ready in the first place, I want to say I think my marriage has been based on a childish game, I want to say I regret ever committing the rest of my life to Parker, I want to say I wish I was strong like him, strong enough to stop myself from entering something that I know I can never get out of but instead....
"He's the first person that comes to my mind when I wake up and the last person I think about before I go to sleep - thats how I knew." I say, confident.
What a crock of bullshit.
I shake my head to rid my thoughts and I now decide that I do, in fact, want to go to sleep - my mind can't process all that has happened tonight. I rub my temples gently, "Danielle?"
Its obvious she's pissed off that I have forced her to look away from the gardener but I don't care. "Yeah?"
I whisper, "Can you make sure that Justin gets out okay?" She nods her head slowly, eyeing me, warily. I don't feel like explaining myself to her right now. I glance to Justin now and smile. He's a nice man, maybe I will let up and not care if he messes around with my best friend, which by the looks of things, he's bound to do anyway. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
I move around them as I see him nod his head in appreciation. My heart aches as I rush upstairs into my room, closing the door behind me, I instantly drop the robe from my flesh and let down the clasp that is holding my long hair into a bun, watching as my locks fall gracefully over my shoulders, I move quickly to my phone that lies on my bed.
I need to talk to my husband. I figure he was too busy to remember to call me to wish me a goodnight - I nod my head, yeah, thats what it is. "Parker speaking." I hear him say as I reach him on the line.
A wide smile breaks out onto my features as I stare into my reflection in the full length mirror, looking over my flat breasts and my oh so obvious rib cage. I look disgusting. The only good aspect I have about myself is probably my hair, I've been growing my hair since I was in grade school, even now, it hangs right above the curve of my bottom. Parker loves every inch of my thick, wavy locks. Thats why I've kept it like this for so damn long - I want to make him happy.
"Hello, honey." I coo softly, happiness filling my existence.
Heavy breathing is heard over the line. "How're you, Mackenzie?"
I want to shout for joy. He cares! "I'm fine - I just miss you is all." I whisper softly, my heart pounding loudly in my ears. "What 'bout y-"
"How're the crops?"
I pout. "They're fine - um, the gardener is excellent at what he does."
Parker snorts. "Yeah, he'd better be - he's charging me a leg and a foot." I can hear music in the background and I wonder exactly what he is doing. "I need to be going, sweetie, I'm tired."
No, please, wait. I nod my head. "Wait, before you go, I wanted to ask you something."
He coughs. "Go 'head."
I sit down on my bed and run my hands over my skinny thighs. "Um...you do know my favorite meal, right?"
He seems hesitate. "O-Of course, I do, Kenzie - pork chops with white gravy." My heart sinks. "Now, I have got to go, okay?"
I close my eyes. "Um, all right...love yo-" I hear the dial tone.
I set the phone beside me and breathe deeply - I don't welcome tears, I don't welcome sadness, but I can't help but feel overwhelmingly disappointed when I realize my husband of seven years doesn't even know what my favorite meal is - I shake my head.
I see now, the little things do matter.
* * *
Chapter Three by CutiePie07
Author's Notes:
Sorry it took so long to get something up, I was debating on what story to update first. lol. Next will be ABO, thanks for all the love and support! I really do appreciate it. God Bless! And you know the rest...FB! :)
Chapter Three
"...stuck in reverse..."
Memories plague my mind as I forcefully hide away my wedding album that usually lies on the base of my dresser in my room, but I really can't force myself to pass by this "distraction" for the next few weeks and not ache for my husband - as I place the small album underneath my king-sized mattress, I sigh with anxiety.
I've never done that before - I've never tried to hide from the memories of me and Parker. I guess there is always a time for change.
Last night after my best friend saved me from my uncomfort zone around the hired help, I had retreated to my bedroom and unbeknownst to my houseguests - I lie awake, waiting for any sign that my sex-addicted best friend has taken the new gardener underneath her wing and seduced him; my reasoning for wanting to know this is still unclear, I just, sometimes, don't understand how I can be around the opposite sex for an hour or two and then in walks Danielle and I am thrown to the wind and forgotten completely, even now, as she is four months pregnant, she still has the ability to turn heads like there is no tomorrow. I'm not envious of her - I have the love of my life by my side for eternity, I am set for life - it just boggles my mind when the outer appearance of a woman is the only thing that seems to matter to a man.
Forget intelligence. Forget integrity. Forget anything resembling independence.
All a man really cares for is a quick, easy lay and Danille, sadly to say, is usually the girl a man can call for an easy favor; since we were in high school, she made her way through the football, basketball, tennis and swimming teams - she was the person who other females despised because you could never trust your man alone with Danielle for less than a second because before you know it, she'll have your man buckled to his knees, begging her to set their racing erection at ease. And she would never oblige to a throbbing dick in need of affection.
I never had to worry about her when it came to Parker - they absolutely could not stand one another; at one point in time, my husband had asked me to distance myself from my best friend but this is the one thing I wouldn't sacrifice for my marriage - Danielle is my home away from home; she is a wild-tempered woman, she marches to the beat of her own drum but her heart is truly in the right place, and most importantly, she's never left me.
Like I said before, I never knew my father and as a child I sort of blocked this tiny default from my mind - my mother had many pictures of the man who helped create my existence but I refused to look into the eyes of someone I would never know, never meet, never be able to truly love - I was so frightened that I would be staring into the reflection of myself; I don't doubt for a second that I must resemble him since I have no features from my mother, Carrie.
Carrie has the long, wavy auburn hair and the wide, piercing green eyes and she's not thin like me - my mother has always had an issue with her weight since she lost my father - she has never tried to lose her pregnancy weight nor the extra pounds she gained from the depression she suffered from Henry's (my father) passing. For years, people mistaken us for cousins or siblings instead of mother and child - I haven't seen her in so long that I wonder if she's lost those hundred and fifteen pounds she had been promising me she would strive to work off - I'm so worried that one day the doctor will tell her that being three-hundred and sixty five pounds and 5'2 is going to welcome her a silent death and I'm trying to prevent this from happening.
I do love my mother - for as weak as she is, I know she tried her best in raising me, I know she sometimes stares at me so hard, pain clearly written across her face because she's remembering my father, I know she got away from this town as quickly as she could because she wants to escape any memory of him, or maybe just of me but even through this, I love her enough to the point that I can't stand the idea of losing her - I can't stand the thought of losing another parent...not yet, not now.
I'm used to being left or ignored but thats the thing with Parker and Danielle - these two are constant in my life, so dedicated, so devoted and the only thing I can do to show my appreciation is give them the same courtesy; I'm forever endowed to my husband and Danielle? She'll never leave me, she won't ever judge me for my careless mistakes and for that...I won't ever understand her acts of judgement but I won't ever turn my back on the girl - she truly is my home.
And there's no place like home. None at all.
* * *
I tighten the band that holds my long hair up into a low bun as I manuever myself downstairs into my kitchen, looking for my little Mamie - during the nights that I am knocked out to the world, Mamie keeps Danielle company and as I go to her little comfy, white bed and see no sign of my little honey, I figure she is in Danielle's room...hopefully.
Disappointment washes over me now as I fold my arms in front of my chest - I look forward to the mornings I can take Mamie for a long walk across my garden, its the highlight of my day, maybe even my week - I sound pathetic, I know, but she tends to be pretty good company when I need it. Shrugging my shoulders, I move towards the kitchen sink, frowning at the various flithy dishes before me, as I turn on the hot water and begin to watch the suds fill the sink, I roll the sleeves of my long house dress up to my bare elbows, glad to have something to do so early in the morning.
Loose strands of my hair fall to the center of my attention, I quickly brush them away, annoyed. "She's so damn lazy," I mumble underneath my breath, "Can't ever clean behind hers-"
"Whats that?" Her voice causes me to jump as I glance behind me to see my best friend standing in the middle of my kitchen wearing only a belly covering white t-shirt and pink bikini panties.
I roll my eyes, turning my attention back to scrubbing furiously at a filthy plate. "What're you doing up so early?"
I can hear her shuffling around as she makes her way to the fridge, opening and closing it in a matter of seconds. "I should ask your ass the same damn thing," She says this sweetly as I feel Mamie move to my feet, licking me.
I grin. "I clean up at this hour."
She snorts. "You clean up every hour."
Okay, thats not the point, smart ass.
Mamie decides to lay against my flesh and I don't flinch, I welcome her. "You still haven't answered my question."
Danielle finally makes her way beside me and hops her big ass on my countertop and when I give her the evil eye, she blantantly ignores me. "Okay, since you are so damn nosy, I'll tell you," She leans in closer to me, her eyes dancing with mischief. "I had to get rid of a booty call." She's giggling now
My eyes widen. How could she do this? What is wrong with her?
"You fucked my gardener?"
She almost chokes on the water bottle she's drinking. "Woah, mama, calm down, won't you?"
I shake my head immediately, dropping the wet plate back into the sink and placing my damp hand onto my left hip, letting her see how upset I am; the girl can have anyone she wants, I just don't understand why she would want to fuck up any good employer/employee relationship I can establish with the guy - sometimes my best friend can be so selfish when it relates to anything remotely close to her vagina. I've never been anywhere near to, or resembling, what they call a "freak" in the bedroom; intimacy is so unimportant to me, so unnecessary, honestly, I think the world would be a much safer place if people weren't spreading their legs or humping everything they see in sight.
I haven't had intimate relations in probably...wait, I know it wasn't last month, and it wasn't the month before that...okay, thats not the point - the point I'm trying to make here is that I am as well put together as any woman should be and thats mainly because I don't indulge in worldly ways and I stay devoted to my husband's side like sunflowers depend on the sun to nurture themselves; I don't even think that this is what is irking me right now...its not really Danielle...I have to be honest...its Justin.
I know nothing of the man and I could care less with what he chooses to do with his personal life but there is this feeling that washed over me so quickly when I had been in his presence for so little of a time, I can't really describe what it is, but in those fleeting moments, I felt this huge surge of compassion and loyalty from his essence and maybe I'm over-thinking our whole twenty minute conversation but still...I never felt that way before, not even with my own husband; Parker has a way of starting a conversation with me but in the end, it always relates back to him and his problems or issues, etc., it's hard for me to even try to name a time when my husband would come to me out of concern or maybe even just come to me to just ask how my day was and truly listen to my response and last night with Justin, I had been given that much attention and more from a complete stranger and all I could think is why Danielle had to take that away from me?
Justin could've been my friend and she had to shit all over that possibility.
Am I being selfish? Am I thinking too much of this? I don't know exactly what is the right answer to this solution, all I do know is the facts that are present before me - my husband has deserted me, my best friend is a pregnant, slutty whore and a complete stranger is more intrigued by me than the people I cherish the most in my life. You have to understand how whacked I am right now with confusion. Strange emotions and feelings are not common with me - I am always in control of myself, of how I feel, because I know Parker expects me to be a certain way, at all times and I've been doing so well with that for the past seven years that it kind of has shaken me to my core to be slightly rattled by a stranger's presence in my home, in my life.
"Earth to Kenzie - hello?" Danielle snaps her fingers in front of my face and I jump back slightly, startled.
Maybe I did think too much of the situation. Yeah, I did - I shouldn't care about some stranger and my best friend hooking up, it doesn't matter to me - its her life, and she'll do what she wants to do, regardless of how I feel about the situation. I wave her hand oiut of my face and sigh softly, forcing a smile unto my plain features. "I shouldn't have said that."
Danielle shrugs her shoulders, not offended in the least. "Its cool, honey," she eyes me warily, "We did fuck, though."
Heat rushes to my cheeks and I turn my gaze away from hers and playfully tug on the hem of long sleeved house dress - this is weird, suddenly my heart is pounding against my chest and this room seems suddenly too small for just me, Danielle and little ol' Mamie. "Um,": I cough, rubbing the nape of my neck - damn, its hot in here. "I guess...thats...good?" I eye her, questionably, trying to read her.
She places her hands onto her protruding belly and purses her lips together in thought. "Not really," She shakes her head, clearly disappointed, "I expected so much more from the gardener, let me tell you that." Danielle smirks, "I mean, you'd think with a body like that and those huge ass hands wo-"
I widen my eyes. "Okay, you're serious?" She snorts. My blush deepens, I'm sure. "You really screwed the gardener?"
She flips her long, blonde hair, chuckling. "Thats what I just said, Kenny...you need to listen, honey." My heart drops, or at least I think its my heart, as she says this. What a wonderful way to start the morning. "Well, technically, we didn't fuck...we did other things to occupy our time." She winks at me teasingly as she slowly slips down from the counter top and I have the urge to vomit on her bloated, pregnant ass.
Does she have any respect for her unborn child? More importantly, does this disgusting creature of a man have any respect for a pregnant woman?
I raise my hands in the air in offense - I won't allow myself to hear anymore of this ludicrous shit. "Spare me the details, will you?" I motion for Mamie to follow me as I trudgingly walk into the living room, heading purposefully out to my gardens, needing to collect my thoughts.
Danielle's laugh is echoing behind me as I roll my eyes in annoyance. How can I be friend with someone who is so...easy? Why would she do something like this to me? I mean, to Parker? He has a very respectable business and he doesn't need her dirty laundry mixed in with his employees work. She just doesn't seem to care at all.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Kenny?"
Yeah, I seem to be asking myself the exact same thing - what is wrong with me?
* * *
"You need to gain some weight, Ken," Danielle's chipper voice exclaims behind me and I watch in silence as she moves around me, and then plopping her curvy body into the vacant booth before me. "You're all skin and bones."
I would be offended and maybe even hurt by this comment but its the truth - no matter how much I eat or how much I try to exercis my diet around eating nothing but junk food, I can't seem to gain anything - I've been a size two since my seventh grade year and I haven't gained anything more than maybe two or three pounds since that time - my mother just waves this off as a blessing but its not such a blessing when people continue to terrorize my ass because of something I can't seem to change. I have no control over what happens to my body, I have came to understand this a long time ago.
I pull the lunch menu over my face, covering my facial expression of detest. "Thank you for reminding me of something I already fucking know," I mutter underneath my breath, harshly.
Danielle whistles - the girl loves to see the bitch side of me come out and greet the world; she seems convinced that if I show people this side of me that maybe will treat me with more respect...I doubt it. "Well, you know, if I don't say it...no one will." She says this low, and my eyes daringly peek over the edges of the menu to see my best friend smiling. "So, after this, we're headed to the new club on 10th street later on tonight, right?"
I bite down on my lower lip, resting my menu onto the table, I shrug my shoulders. "It depends." She waits for me continue and heat rushes to my cheeks. "Um, it depends if Parker wants to re-schedule our appointment."
"What appointment?" When I continue to say nothing, she eyes me, warily. "What the fuck are you talking 'bout, Kenny?"
"Hey Danielle," Samantha Daniels, head cheerleader of the Varsity squad, steps to our table, arms folded in front of her very plumped chest, eyeing my best friend, skeptically. "You got a minute?"
Danielle doesn't seem bothered. "What do you want, annoying airhead bimbo?"
I try to stifle my snorts of laughter as Samantha rolls her eyes, annoyed. "How long have you been fucking my boyfriend, you slut!"
I watch in horror as Danielle quickly stands from her sitting position and I prepare myself to stand also, ready to be the backup my best friend always expects from me and I seem to welcome this - I'd do anything to avoid the embarrassment I will most definitely feel if I let Danielle know that Parker and I make appointments for sex.
What a good escape this is.
I lean my head down and breathe in the soft aroma of the fresh cut grass and the sunflowers that are blossoming beautifully over the front of my lawn, my first intentions were to plant more seeds in the backyard but right now, I am more content with sitting in the middle of my lawn having Mamie in my lap and basking in the glorious sun, something I rarely ever do. I lick my lips slowly as I close my eyes and my hands roam over Mamie's soft, curly fur and she moans in my lap with pleasure, I don't even seem to notice as my thick hair slips from the loose band it was in and falls over my shoulders, gracefully.
I forget the images of my husband as I shake my thick curls free and slowly open my eyes to Mamie staring back into my brown orbes of loneliness and despair, I smile and it is forced. "I'm okay, sweetie." I coo gently as she moves closer to my belly, her small paws toying with my left hand.
I glance to the sound of a car door closing and a frown is replaced upon my features as I see that it is the gardener. I shake my head. What a man whore he is. Mamie scurries out my lap quickly and runs to her food bowl that is placed on the very top of the stairwell of the porch; I dust the loose dog hairs from my dress as I stand from my sitting position in the grass and my eyebrows raise in question as his jaw drops at the sight of me and his eyes widen slightly but not enough to put me on alert.
I ignore his behavior as I decide now that this will clearly be a professional relationship between him and I. "Right on time, Mr. Timberlake." I speak, cautiously.
He is now towering over me, studying me, quietly before letting a wide smile slip onto his lips. "Mrs. Adams?" He asks, disbelieving, and I nod my head slowly, not understanding his quick spell of amnesia.
I motion behind me to the gardens, "There really isn't much for you to do except backtrack over the things that you did yesterday," I pause for a moment, uncomfortable with how he is staring at me, "um, that should only take you a few hours to do...after that, you're welcome to catch up with Danielle." I mutter, bitterly. Why? I do not know.
Justin's eyebrows raise in alert when I mention my best friend, "Mrs. Adams, forgive me, but...," He glances to the back of the house, and then leans closer to me, as if he is telling me a secret. "Can you not leave me alone with Danielle?" I eye him, confused. "Don't get me wrong, she's a nice woman but...," He uses his hands to describe his predicament, "she just doesn't know how to keep her hands to herself...I'm kind of scared of the girl."
I snort. What the hell is he talking about? How can he be scared of someone he just dicked down the night before? I purse my lips together and stare at him intently, "Justin, when did you leave last night...if you don't mind me asking?"
He shakes his head as if this isn't a problem. "Maybe 'bout a few minutes after you went up to bed...I just didn't feel right when you wasn't down there with us." He smirks, "This makes me sound so much like a pussy." He widens his eyes as if he knows he shouldn't have said that.
A smile breaks out onto my features and I wave him off. "Its ok, Justin." A sigh of relief escapes through me and I can't believe Danielle toyed with me like she did. She can be an absolute bitch if she really wants to be. I lick my lips, relaxed, "Um, well, from now on, if she comes on too strong, just call my name and I'll be there to save you."
He winks at me. "I look forward to it." I frown, confused and I swear I see this grown man before me blush but I figure my eyes aren't seeing things quite correctly cause the emotion passes as quickly as I thought it came. Justin nods to the garden, "I should get to work, Mrs.Ad-"
"Kenzie." I speak, slowly, purposefully.
Justin sighs out my name, "Kenzie." A weird rush runs over me now as he breathes out my name - he said it like my name was the air he breathed, something he needed, something he craved, something he yearned - I am clearly losing my senses of reality.
He moves around me and I open my mouth to speak - you ever have the moments when you want to say anything to make the moment last longer? Thats the situation I'm in now. What can I say? I just feel so relieved that this man could actually be my friend - I've never had a male friend besides Parker and I shouldn't include him in that category; Justin seems like a pretty nice guy to trust within arm's length.
"Justin?" He turns his head slightly to glance back at me, smiling. He is always smiling - its contagious I see 'cause now I'm grinning like a stupid little girl. "When you done, do you want, I mean, if you want...," I exhale - just say it. "Join me for dinner, will you?" I ask, nervously, my heart pounding in my ears.
That had to be the longest five seconds of my life as I stood there before him, waiting, expecting for any sort of rejection but instead he surprises me as he nods his head slowly, eyeing me, tenderly. "You didn't even have to ask, Kenzie." Heat rushes to my cheeks once again and I chew on my bottom lip, folding my arms in front of my chest. "And just for the record...you should wear your hair like that more often...you look, um, I don't know...just stunning."
What did he just say?
My eyes widen. "Wha?" I ask, in confusion as I watch in horror as he walks away. No! Stay! Answer me! My breathing increases as I try to understand what he has just said to me and then my hands fall to my thick waves and I shake my head. Oh, I can't believe I let him see me like this. I don't let my hair down for anybody, only for Parker and Danielle - how could've I let this happen? What does this mean? And why did he keep looking at me as if he liked what he was seeing? I'm reading too much into things again, right? I should quickly pull my hair back into a bun and call my husband to redeem myself but I can't allow myself to do this.
I told Justin I was preparing a meal and I should be doing that instead of worrying over some stupid hairstyle...and a call to my husband is just going to have to wait - heck, I'm not hurting anyone, right? What's the harm in a friendly lunch between two friendly people? But maybe I should do something to my hair because I don't want to give off the wrong message - I don't want to step outside of my safe, housewife role, my hands slip back to my waves but I do nothing, instead I shrug my shoulders.
It'll just have to wait to another time.
* * *
Chapter Four by CutiePie07
Author's Notes:
Sorry took so long - I have procrastination problems. Its really bad. lol. But here it is. Thanks for the love and if you're still with me - keep giving the love cause I'm in the mood to write and FB will help! Love you girls! -Jelisha :)
Chapter Four
"And the tears come streaming down your face.."
"I guess you don't understand the concept of a joke," Danielle says now, as I check on the baked corn that is in my oven.
Rolling my eyes, I fold my arms in front of my chest. "You made me think you had sex with Justin and I looked like a fool in front of him." I sigh. "That is so not a joke."
My best friend shrugs her shoulders, not really caring, "So?" Her eyebrows rise slowly, "Why do you care how you look in front of the guy?"
I can see her mind racing with unknown thoughts but I won't let her think that there is something behind my questioning when there is absolutely nothing...nothing at all - I just don't like to be made a fool of, especially in front of the hired help; Danielle should understand this, as much as she claims to despise liars, she should understand that I don't necessarily take kindly to being lied to, it doesn't matter if it were a joke or just some low punch below the belt that is supposed to make me giggle with humor.
It wasn't cool. Not in the slightest bit.
I cut my eyes. "I don't care."
And I don't. Its just the principle.
Danielle scoffs, waving me off. "Whatever you say, Kenny." She scratches her exposed bottom and I shutter with detest.
"And can you please do me and the rest of the Memphis population a favor and put on some damn clothe-"
She snorts. "I have clothes on, Kenny."
Yeah, a barely there shirt and a thong. So much covered to the wandering eye. What the hell ever.
My husband will forbid my best friend from ever stepping into his house ever again if he could only see how she chooses to cover her very pregnant self; nudity is not one of Parker's strong suits, he kind of likes to keep his nude body for his eyes only (which I don't have a problem with) and my body? Parker tends to like me better when I reveal less flesh and more dress. If that makes any sense, at all; he gets more of an arousal by my thick, cotton housedresses than by my nude form actually giving him what seems to be a worthless attempt for a blow job. I never question his odd ways of seduction, if anything, I oblige his commands, feed his appetite in the kitchen and in the bedroom whichever way that he pleases and bathe the aftermath of our love-making from his body as if it never existed at all.
That is another thing about my husband I might not ever understand - he cannot stand the aroma of our intimacy on his flesh for the life of him - me, on the otherhand, I kind of like to lie in the moist of our bedsheets savoring the ten to fifteen minutes of love-making that has come to pass, because it is in those fleeting minutes that he and I are truly one with each other, our souls are entwined, we are entwined more than we could possibly ever be in these fleeting minutes and I want it to last, I want it consume me whole.
But the moment passes as quickly as it shines over my nude form as my husband orders to wash the sheets immediately, ridding the memories of him and I and our empowering love as nothing but of a meaningless fuck; I know he means well, my husband...he...well, I just know he doesn't mean any harm to my soul, to my heart, and its not like I'll ever tell him that these little, unimportant things really ache my being...it really justs fucks with my mind when things like this happen, all the damn time. When we were newlyweds, I guess I might've been more understanding then than I am now - I had to be naive to think that it was a compliment on his part to want to wash my moist from his body as quickly as possible so he wouldn't have a certain "smell" to him, but now, it could possibly be the most degrading action my husband has ever done without truly knowing what exactly he is doing...to me.
He has to rid himself...of me.
That has to do something to a woman's confidence at least it fucked up mine for quite some time, I don't think I-
"Your silence can only mean you agree with me," Danielle's voice interrupts my prolonging thoughts and I snap my head up in her direction, frowning. "Anyway," She scratches her butt, again, and I guess she forgets to make her way over to the sink to wash her hands so I help her...by pushing her pregnant ass, "I'm heading to that new outlet store off on Mockingbird so I think you need to go and 'head and put your cooking on hold 'till we get back."
I pull the last catfish from the frying pan in front of me and place it on the plate full of fish that I've already cooked, turning off the stove, I sigh. "We? I'm not going with you."
Danielle is drying off her hands now. "Oh, yes you are." I shake my head. "You're a fucking hermit in this damn house...its kind of freaky of how much time you spend cooking, cleaning and cooking some more...your husband is gone, so stop living the life he has laid out for you and enjoy yourself."
I turn off the oven and decide to let the corn cool off before I pull it out. "This is the life I'm used to, Danielle, and I am enjoying myself." I whisper, low.
She rolls her eyes. "And I enjoy being pregnant."
She's so full of it.
"You're lying."
Her brow rises, "So are you."
Blush reaches my cheeks as I twirl my loose strands of hair that is dangling over my shoulders, nervously. "I made this lunch, though-"
Danielle sighs, loudly, annoyed. "Woman, this damn food will be here when we get back! I ain't never seen someone who is so fucking obsessed with eating so damn much but their ass is stick thin-"
I bite down on my lower lip, my heartbeat increasing. "Justin's joining me."
That shuts her up, finally.
Well, at least for two seconds and then she's back in for the kill. "Oh," A smile. "Oooh," A wide grin. "Oooooohhhh!!!" Laughter.
Um, okay...what is her issue?
"I know he's probably hungry-"
She snorts, "Yeah for some of that pootnanny!" She is rolling over in laughter now, cheeks are blazen red and her eyes are watering.
I roll my eyes in annoyance but a small smile creeps upon my features slowly - she's so fucking disgusting, and off, so off that is ridiculously funny - I can't have a male friend without it seeming like some sort of behind the scenes foreplay action going on; if my best friend thinks I'm trying to lay my gardener, I can only imagine what the gossip around town will be if Justin and I ever decide to actually hang out with each other on a regular basis, beyond the walls of my house and out into the daily activities of this small, secluded town.
Oh, Parker would not be happy, at all.
I cough. "Shut up, Danielle, its not like that." She's still laughing in hysterics. "We're trying to be friends, I think."
She waves me off, her laughing has slowed down some. "Bitch, you're delusional."
My eyes wander to my kitchen window as I have a clear view of my gardener as he is plowing away in the midst of dirt and and filth - disgusting. "No, you are."
I cut my eyes to my best friend, shaking her head. "Really, Kenny, you are if you think you can be a friend to that fine ass man out there." She licks her lips, "Shit, I would've fucked his ass last night but...I don't know, he started getting all jumpy and shit, talking about we don't know each other to do something like that."
I eye, warily. "Danielle, you don't know him."
She shrugs her shoulders, "So?" Scratching the nape of her neck, she sighs, "You think I care 'bout something like that when that boy is as fine as he is?" She points her index finger at me, "You better fuck that man twenty different ways 'till Parker brings his fat ass back down here or I will kick your ass, Kenny, I'm so fucking serious."
I purse my lips. "Why would you even say something like that?" I push her finger out of my face, "You know I don't cheat."
"Dumb whore!" She yells, giggling. I roll my eyes. "Its not cheating if nobody finds out about it."
She is so crazy. "I take my vows very seriously, Danielle," She is groaning now, annoyed, "I love my husband."
"And if you love dick, you need to get your fix while you have the chance."
I scoff, "I don't need dick like you do, Danielle."
Some people might think that this is a low blow but my best friend isn't hurt in the slightest - her feelings aren't abused by the truth, if anything, she welcomes it. "Obviously," She mumbles underneath her breath, moving away from me and heading to her room, "I'm going to get dressed and in case you don't know, my friend, you are an idiot."
I blush - she has no idea what she is talking about.
* * *
I lick my lips slowly as I watch in silence as he finishes his meal and stands from his seat to place his plate in the sink - my instincts suddenly rise as I notice he is now washing his plate, I quickly stand, shaking my head - thats not his job.
Its mine. Its always been mine.
"You don't have to do that, Justin," I'm standing beside him now, my hands move without me thinking and I find my fingertips grazing over his hands, slipping from the wet dish from his grasp; I think nothing of it, of course, I'm trying to be the nice, upstanding housewife - this aura, in the kitchen, cleaning, cooking...thats my thing, thats what I'm good for, thats my job as a woman, as a wife and I feel a bit intimidated if someone tries to step into my boundaries, my territory, my domain, I think nothing until I feel his penetrating gaze on me, watching me, studying me...judging me.
He probably thinks I'm psycho, shit, I might be.
His hands are still rested inside of the foamy, moist water as I search for the dish towel, my eyes refuse to find his, I don't want to see how he perceives me, how he views me...the shit might really hurt my feelings.
I chew on the inside of my mouth, I'm getting annoyed with my long hair, its constantly been getting in the way. "Where is that damn towel?" I mutter, nervously.
Justin waves the white small towel in front of my eyes, teasing me slightly, and I move to retrieve it from his fingertips, but instead, he grabs the plate from my grasps and motions for me to sit down, I allow myself to look at him now - he's smiling, not just his lips, but the smile has reached his blue orbes. He's happy. A sigh of relief escapes me as he nods to the seat that I just vacanted. I shake my head.
"You're my guest."
Now, he shakes his head. "And you're my boss," I blush, "Its okay, Kenzie," I won't budge and he chuckles, softly. "Girl, if I don't clean up after myself my mom will put her foot so far up my ass."
I giggle. "But, your mother isn't here."
He rolls his eyes dramatically, playfully bumping my hips with his own, causing me to stumble back a few steps. Its not a big deal. I breathe out slowly as I cautiously sit down and he whistles. "Thank you, sweetheart." I cut my eyes away from him as he begins to wash his drinking glass and I have an itch to stop him but I don't, somehow, this feels nice.
I'm so used to catering to the people around me that this feels nice, so nice, and its only a dish or two but its just the simple act - the simple thought of being kind to someone without realizing what you're actually doing seems to touch me deeper than I expected it to - Parker has never washed one single plate since we've been married, he's never cooked anything, has never done laundry, I'm not sure if he's ever ironed his own clothing, because I'm there, I'm always there to cater to his every need, every want, every demand. And I do this because I love him, I love him more than sometimes I care to realize, I do this because he's my husband, I do this because he expects this of me, anything less is considered failure in his eyes. And I never want to fail. I can't fail.
So, this right there, what Justin is doing is so small, so unimportant, but it warms my essence...it just feels so damn nice.
"Your husband never washes dishes?" Justin is saying now, his back is to me, and I glance to my hands in my lap, shaking my head, even though I know he can't see me.
"Thats not his job." I mumble, gently.
The man before me chuckles. I blush with embarrassment. I'm about to look like a major fool. "So, I'm guessing its yours?" He turns off the sink water now, settling his glass into the drying sink, rolling the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows, he turns around now, facing me, so tall, so content, so attentive.
This leaves me unsettled.
I swallow. "Of course it is." I run my fingers through my hair, trying to find something to keep me occupied. "I'm the wife. He's the husband. Its my job."
He folds his arms in front of his chest, cocking his head to the side, I glance at him, frowning. "Is that you think marriage is? What love is?"
I hate when people judge me on how I choose to handle my relationship with my husband, okay, so, it doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me and Parker and I kind of rely on the steadiness of our marriage to keep me going, to keep me believing that maybe I won't be completely happy for the rest of my life with my husband but at least I will always have someone to love me, to cherish me, to adore me in the best possible way that they can, that they know how to.
All I ever wanted is to be loved - my husband gives this to me the only way he knows how to, and its not good enough to the next woman, but to me...its everything.
"You've never been married, Justin," I say, slowly, "you wouldn't have a clue to what a real marriage is."
He smirks, "My folks been married more than twenty years, Kenzie, and I've never, ever, heard my mother call loving her husband a job." He shakes his head slowly, pushing himself off of my counter, his eyes cut away from my gaze. "But don't mind me, I'm over-stepping my boundaries."
My heartbeat increases suddenly. He doesn't understand. No one ever understands. "You wouldn't want your wife to cater to you?"
Justin smiles, his eyes finding mine. "Of course I would, but you see," He moves closer to me, his tall lanky frame hovering over me, drowning me in his aroma of dandelions and lillies, "anything she does for me, anything she gives, anything she supplies...I'll give it back tenfold; not because its a job, not because we're married, but 'cause I love her." He sighs, "'Cause she's my woman. Thats the difference between catering to your spouse and being their slave just without the whips and the chains."
I should be offended. I should fire him. I should rip him a new one for saying that shit to me but instead I remain motionless. I'm humiliated. Is this how people see me? As my husband's slave? Not as his adoring, perfect housewife? I lick my lips quickly, tasting the remains of the meal I've just consumed as I push myself up from the seat I'm occupying and move away from his haunting frame; I cover my flat chest with my arms as I head to the backdoor, my mind blank.
Why hasn't my husband called me today? Why isn't he concerned? Why do I always doubt our strong love for each other when he is away from me?
"Forgive me, Mrs. Adams," I can hear his voice behind me, so sincere, so honest, something my husband just is not. "I shouldn't have said that."
Too late to apologize now, buddy.
I turn around to face him - I'm not going to cry, I never show emotions but still, my heart is aching right now - I'm not as strong as I want to be, I'm not as strong as I wish to be. "No, you're right, Justin," My blank eyes find his sorrowful blue orbes and I smile weakly. "Its good to b-"
"No, you were right, Mrs. Adams, I don't know you and your husband." He shrugs his shoulders, "I...don't know why I said it," He moves closer to me, backing my small body into the wall, "Please forgive me."
I shiver underneath his gaze. I wish he wouldn't be so close. I wish he would give me some sort of space. I can hardly breathe with him this close to me, to my pounding heart. "Yes, you do." I whisper, my breath hitting his chest, "and its all right, Justin." I sigh, "I need that. I need honesty." He widens his eyes, unbelieving. "Its refreshing."
He nods his head now, eyeing me, warily as he steps back. And I have the sudden strange urge to pull him back. Back to me. "Well, I should get back to the fields now."
I watch in silence as he moves around me, heading back outside and I can hear the rhythm of my heart in my ears, I can feel my lips moistening, I can taste my sweat. "Can I join you?"
Justin seems terrified. I want to laugh. I didn't mean to scare him. "I really am sorry, Kenzie."
I blush, waving him off. "I heard you the first time, Justin," I move beside him, staring into his confused eyes, "the gardens are my safe haven," I whisper, as if I am telling him a secret, in a way, I am - I never tell anyone how much those flowers and plants mean to me. Not even Parker. "You don't mind the company, do you?"
The terrified expression slowly diminishes from his features and is quickly replaced with a wide grin, "You're more than welcome to join me," He holds his arm out for me to hook my arm through and I do, smiling, relief washing over me.
We begin to step outside of the house until my phone rings - I roll my eyes in annoyance as I motion for him to wait as I move to the phone and glance at the caller ID - my heart races...its my husband - what would be the fucking odds? I chew on my bottom lip as I glance down at the cordless phone before my eyes, debating, praying, thinking - I want to talk to him, I miss my husband, I miss the warmth of his flesh against me but I know he will only speak of things to his interest, of his liking, damn me and my feelings.
I just don't want to hear that shit right now.
So, I do something I've never done before, never even considered, I turn away from the blaring rings of my phone and hook my arm back with the man beside me and I walk out of my home, a teasing smile dances on my lips.
"You don't need to get that? I could wait." Justin is saying now, as the wind blows my long waves back from my face, the sun beating against my pale skin.
I grip a hold of his flesh tighter, loving the comfort of someone who seems to care, who seems attentive, who seems everything Parker is not, and I hold onto him for dear life - I'm afraid of letting him go, I'm afraid of this being some dream, some wonderful dream and when I awake...Parker is here, once again, ordering me around, like I'm his...slave, I hate to say it, but thats what I am to him. Not his lover. Not his best friend. Not his wife. But his slave, his dumb unknowingly slave.
How could I ever be so dumb? So foolish?
"No need to, Justin," I say as giggles escape my lips as Mamie follows close behind us, "its nobody important."
* * *
Chapter Five by CutiePie07
Author's Notes:
Once again, I'm sorry it took so long, I'm the worst updater, ever! lol I just realized where this story is heading and I'm thinking I got about ten chapters left and then its complete. Its a simple story with a weird ass plot. lol. But I hope you girls enjoy it enough to leave some FB. Thank you so much! :)
Chapter Five
"When you lose something you can't replace..."
"Do you need help finding anything, Mrs. Adams?"
I stumble back from the older's woman sudden appearance by my side, my nerves are jumbled, my mind is reeling; what exactly am I doing here?
I don't shop. I don't go to malls. I don't do anything without the presence of my husband but yet, here I am...shopping.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Tightening the grip on my cotton brown purse, I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, nervously, staring at the sales associate, warily; thats another thing about this town, everyone knows me, like this woman right here...I've never seen her before in my life, never even spoken to her and yet, she knows me, when you're married to a man like Parker, your privacy is no longer a right - this is what has me shaken, I'm so unbelieveably nervous that I'm shaking slightly, fearful of lies that will be told after I leave this store.
Fearful of what is to get back to my husband.
I swallow, "I'm just looking for a dress, uh," I glance at her nametag, forcing a smile onto my plain features, "Tammy."
She clasps her hands together, probably so excited by the notion that she gets to help Mrs. MacKenzie Adams (which no one gets to do) that I know when I leave here, she'll be running off at the mouth...so fucking thrilled, "Anything you're looking for in particular?"
I shrug my shoulders, helplessly. I'm still reeling over the fact that I'm actually here, trying to do something to my plain self for...for what exactly? My eyes roll as my mind reels...
For him.
Justin.
I'm not a bad wife, I'm not an adulterer, nor will I ever be one...but...I have a friend, someone who knows nothing of my past and barely knows anything about me, period, but yet, he is still there - wanting to know me, yearning to hear my silly little stories, something I've never had before, something I never thought I needed until as of lately. I seem to find myself sitting by my windowsill, anticipating the moment when his pickup truck pulls into my driveway, its as if at this moment...I am awakened, I sense my body surge with emotions, with giddiness of a high school girl.
He's so professional in everything he does or attempts, such the gentleman, such a...man; Danielle doesn't understand our friendship nor does she want any part of it, she stays clear of the two of us as we sit on opposite ends of my sofa, coffee cups in hand, just talking, talking about nothing and everything in the matter of minutes until he has to leave, until he has to go back to his life, his home away from this place.
It amazes what a week of knowing someone can do to my soul, my heart.
So, you see, I'm not a bad wife, I'm just trying to, I guess, live for the first time in my life; Parker remains in the back of my mind constantly, he's my husband, after all. I do still miss him, I do still yearn to be with him but now, I'm slowly seeing that maybe there is something more of myself than just this ring on my finger, than just being Parker Adams wife; I'll never risk jepordizing my marriage, for so long my husband has been by my side, has been my best friend, my everything...why would I risk losing this?
I've been convincing myself since I got down to the city mall that what I'm doing isn't wrong, that me wanting to change up my attire isn't being adulterous and I've been doing a good job of doing this until now, until I see this woman before me, excited, and my insides churn with disgust. I should leave. I need to leave. I have no right being here without Parker. I shake my head - what possessed me to do this?
"You ever been dancing?" His voice causes me to turn my eyes to his, a playful smile tugs at his lips and I nod my head, slowly.
"Of course I have," I mumble, bring the coffee mug up to my lips, curling my legs beneath myself, my back resting against the cushions of the sofa, "I danced at my wedding."
The smirk on his face falls slightly as he tilts his head to the side, studying me, "You haven't gone dancing since then, Kenzie?" I shake my head and he folds his arms in front of his chest, brows arched. "Well, shit, that settles it - you and me are hitting the clubs this weekend, darling."
Oh, no, we are not! I cough, "I don't think so, Jus-"
He's shaking his head, refusing to listen to me, "Ain't nothing wrong with two friends having a good time," he stops himself, pursing his lips, "unless Mr. Adams would have a problem with it?"
I shrug my shoulders. Parker's not my worry, its this stupid town - people talk too damn much, I couldn't step into a public place with another man on my arm, friend or not...things would just turn out really badly for me and my husband; thats the level of respect you have to have for your spouse. Anyway, I could never go dancing, I don't dance, I don't go to clubs...I cook, I clean, I'm a wife...thats what I'm good at, thats the only thing I know how to do without breaking a sweat.
But still, my heart jumps at the thought of me living, me experiencing, me finally knowing what it is just to have fun without second guessing everything I do, everything people will say; my eyes travel to the wedding band on my ring finger and my lips quiver slightly, I've never had a true say-so in the decisions in my life except for this right here, this ring represents the change in my life - if I had never said yes, if I had never vowed to be absolutely everything to Parker till my death...I could've been somebody, anybody.
Who knows? Maybe I would've went to college? Maybe I would've gotten out of Memphis? Maybe I would've just waited to live my own dreams before I settled myself for someone else's dreams of their own? Maybe I could've been loved like my father loved my mother? I'll never know these things now, I'll never live that life I secretly desire to and I guess thats okay.
I've lived too damn long as Mrs. Adams that I don't really want to be or do anything else in my life.
So, I'll tell him no, I'll tell him to just do his job as our gardener and leave the other personal shit alone, I'll tell him I don't need to live life because I already do, I'll tell him I love being a housewife, I'll tell him-"It can't be anywhere close around here," I find the words tumble from my lips, unwillingly, "It has to be far out...in the country."
What the fuck? My mind and my heart are clearly not on the same page here.
Justin winks at me, giving me a thumbs up, so damn happy to see me give in so easily, so voluntarily, "I know just the place, Kenzie." I really hope he does cause if anybody sees me, if anyone just happens to come across me? I'm dead, seriously I'm fucking through. "You gotta trust me, Adams."
Hell no! I don't trust this guy for shit! How long have I known him? A week, maybe? I would never tr-
"I trust you."
Oh, fuck.
I'm still not a bad wife, right? Its all innocent fun here, I just want to have a good time with my...employee, its nothing more than this.
I love Parker, I really do. No man will ever stand a chance against him - he's my whole reason for just being existent. He's my salvation.
Pushing strands of my long hair from my face, I glance around the small store, confused, "Its for a special oc-"
Tammy grins, "Ooooohhhh!" My brows rise in confusion cause I don't know what the fuck sound she just made, so yeah, this is definitely a bad idea. "Something for when Mr. Adams comes back home?"
What?
"Uh, n-" I stop myself, I have to play along with this, if this dumb bitch thinks it isn't for my husband then gossip will spread like wildfires and it'll get back to Parker in a heartbeat, I giggle, "Yes, yes, it is, but its actually a surprise," I place my fingers in front of my mouth, winking.
Tammy seems to understand this cause her voice lowers slightly and she glances over my thick clothing, trying to size me up to no avail., "We'll get you something to knock Mr. Adams socks off."
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I should back out now while its early. I should walk right out this door. But I follow her quickly as she moves to a rack of dresses.
Here goes everything.
* * *
The phone rings as I step into my home, bags immediately slip from my fingertips as I rush to the cordless phone, my heartbeating as I wonder who could be calling?
Only my husband, of course.
"Adams residence." My words rushed over the line as a weak smile slips onto my features as Mamie trudges into the living room, greeting me by licking my exposed toes, I shoo her away.
"Why haven't I heard from you, Mackenzie?" He sounds so happy, don't you think?
I move my way back to my front door, shutting it quickly and placing my various bags of make up, shoes and various dresses onto my sofa, my mind reeling; I don't know how time has slipped from me, I was just trying to buy one fucking dress and yet I've ended spending money on four pairs of shoes, three dresses and makeup that I know I will never use...except for tonight.
Oh, I need to be punished.
I close my eyes, debating on telling the truth - honesty has always been the best policy in my marriage - we don't keep secrets, we have no reason to but yet, I can't give myself the urge to spill my aching heart over the phone, I need to say something like this to his face - I need to lay my soul on the line for him. "The same reason why I haven't heard from you, Parker."
Way to go me!
He inhales deeply over the line, obviously annoyed, "Are you getting smart with me, Mackenzie?" No, dumbass, I'm playing stupid - I say nothing in response and its eerily quiet until he whispers, his voice low, "I'm sorry, honey...I should've called sooner."
I lean my small frame against the armrest of the sofa trying to settle my nerves - my husband doesn't apologize, he never thinks he is wrong, so this catches me slightly off guard, I'm not sure how to respond to this, I'm not sure if this is all a joke to him. "I miss you, Parker," the words slip from my lips and fall into the air, I am slowly tumbling into the existence of being weak, of being co-dependent but then I think - haven't I always been this way? "I miss you all the time."
I try to ignore the music in the background - this always gets me, every single time we talk, there is always some sort of loud ruckus going on around him, but I trust him, I trust him wholeheartedly. He'll never hurt me. He loves me too damn much.
The movement of his body causes me to listen intently, "Three weeks, Mackenzie," he whispers to me, prolonging me silently to wait, prolonging my hope to know that he will be home soon, he will come back. To me. "It'll be here 'fore you know it, honey."
I twist a loose thread from my cotton dress around my finger, absentmindly, "I know, Parker, I know, I just," I pause, willing myself to say those three words, to let him know how much I do adore him, how much my love for him can substain three weeks, "I lo-"
"I'm glad thats settled." He pulls me from my dreamy state of mind and my heart is crushed, slightly, I shake this feeling from my being. I can't keep allowing him to do this to me. "How's the gardener been doing? Let me talk to him."
My heartbeat increases slightly, "I gave him the day off."
Parker exhales deeply over the line, "A day off? Why the hell would you do that, Kenzie, why?"
I can't tell him I did this because I wanted Justin to prepare himself for our friendly outing tonight, I can't very well say something like this to my husband so I do something I've never done before - I lie. "He was here earlier this morning but I sent him home because a storm is coming in and its nothing else he could possibly do today."
I'm going to hell, I just know it.
Parker doesn't hesitate with his response, "Hmmm," sweatbeads form on my forehead as I wait for him to finish, "I guess thats fine...but next time you make a decision like that, you call me, all right? We can't afford to lose any more crops-"
"Are you profitting good over there?"
He sighs, "We're doing so-so, Kenzie." So-so in Parker's world is horrible, I bite my tongue, nervously - if our crops aren't selling well, then it sort of puts us in a bide finiancially - I don't know how we're going to be able to pull out of a debt hole this time around...maybe he'll let me actually get a job? I doubt it, though. "Buts that none of your concern. I don't want you to worry about a thing, honey."
A sigh of relief escapes me, "Okay." My line clicks, "Hold on, Parker," I click over, my mind racing, "Adams residence."
"You ready to par-tay, girl?!"
Giggles flow through me as my tense body relaxes, I cross my legs, "Hey, Justin," I whisper, my heart pounding in my ears, "Hold on a second," I click over without thinking, "Honey?"
"I need to get going, Mackenzie," I expect him to hang up in my face but instead he surprises me, "Call me before you go to sleep, okay? I want to wish you a goodnight."
I smile, sheepishly, "I will," I breathe out quickly before clicking back over to my new friend, "I'm here, Justin."
"Girl, you didn't answer me...are you ready to par-tay?!"
Something is definitely wrong with this man...but thats what I like about him...he enjoys life.
I smirk, "Yeah, I'm ready to par-tay." I say, watching in silence as my best friend makes her way down the stairs, eyeing my various shopping bags, warily.
I really don't want to hear her mouth, but she doesn't speak of it, instead she rubs her belly, "What you cook?"
Around this time, I already have lunch on the table and I'll be starting on dinner but not today, I didn't even cook breakfast...which, let me tell you, was hard not to do. "I'm not cooking anything today, Danielle," her eyes are wide, disbelieving, "but tomorrow, I'm planning on baking chicken ca-"
"Are you talking about food, again, Kenzie?" Justin's excited voice pulls me back to our conversation and I blush, unwillingly, "Is this too much trouble for you? Do you not want to do this?"
I want him to be kidding but I can tell he's serious, so serious so the smile falls from lips as I nervously watch Danielle stand beside me, now being nosy and sorting through my bags, "You went shopping without me?" I wish she'd go away. "What the hell is," she holds up the plunging neckline red dress I bought earlier, "this?"
I open my mouth to respond but Justin interrupts, "Maybe this is a bad idea? I don't want you to do anything you really don't wanna do, Kenzie."
I shake my head, quickly. He doesn't understand. I need this, I want this so badly. I need to be normal for just a night. I want to feel important for just an hour or two "This is what I want, Justin." I say, my voice shaking.
Danielle smiles, loving this. "Justin?"
I wave her off, my body shaking with unknown fear. I'm in dangerous territory here. I need to take a step back and follow my heart, but if I'm going to follow my heart then all I really wanna do is-
"You sure?"
No, I'm so completely unsure about this, thats why I should back off; I should call my husband and make him listen to me as I profess my undying love and affection for him instead of playing cat and mouse with my gardener. I need to do a lot of things to avoid tonight but...I won't. I just refuse to.
"You wanna know if I'm sure?" I exhale deeply. "Be here at eight and you'll see how sure I am." I hang up the phone, my lips trembling.
What the hell am I doing?
I push myself from the couch, thinking, pondering...its just two friends - he's my employee, I'm his boss...and we're friends, thats all.
I nod my head slowly, yeah, thats all there is to it.
Danielle stops me by stepping in my walking path, grinning, so fucking elated. "Bitch, you ain't going nowhere 'till you tell me what the hell is going on here."
I shake my head, running my fingers through my long, wavy locks, nervous as hell. "I can't right now, Danielle, I gotta get ready."
I try to step around her but she won't let me, I groan, frustrated. "Well, you better start talking then, don't you think?"
Damn, this is going to be a long ass night.
* * *
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.