The second I stepped foot into work that night I knew that I had to have him. He was young, by looking at him, one would think he was seventeen maybe eighteen at the most. Either way he was far too young to be in a bar and I wondered just how he had gotten in but what did it really matter? The point was the young man was in fact in my bar and therefore I could no doubt find myself close to him before the night was over.

As I headed towards the back, my eyes never left his form. He looked as if he were new to this world, not just the harsh streets of New York either mind you but he held an aura of one that didn’t even belong in the outside world. He seemed too innocent and he seemed to naïve, both of which made him all the more intriguing to me and as I was to find out later, it was also, what attracted countless others to him as well.

Over the course of the next few hours, I watched him with whom I assumed were a few friends of his. It was odd to see a small group of guys hanging out on a Tuesday night but as I recognized his company, I quickly understood it was because their Friday and Saturday nights were normally filled with work, which required them on their backs for the better part of each hour.

He was whore, a prostitute, and he hung around with those that were like himself. Playing pool on one of the tables each male took his turn buying a round for the rest. By the ten o’clock had come and pasted, the prize of the night was pulling out his wallet. As he approached me, I played it off as if I hadn’t seen him at all when in fact I couldn’t take my eyes off him all night. He waited politely at the end of the bar and offered a soft smile and it was then that I was sure he was in fact new to this game …

I made small talk with him as I poured as I poured his drink and then went on to the rest of the orders. He was watchful of me and his eyes moved about the bar whenever someone would come towards the two of us or even leave their seat. This told me he wasn’t so new but there was still that small fire in his eyes and that meant the world, it really did. It meant that he was still fresh enough to kill.

He seemed uncomfortable with the conversation I was attempting to hold with him but he didn’t become rude at all. He knew where his place was it seemed and this was a good thing. At some point, after just a few minutes, an older gentleman, if one could call him that, came just behind the unnamed boy wrapping his arm around the teen’s waist and whispering something into his ear. The unknown seemed startled at first but soon enough his eyes took on a realization … He knew this man and so did I.

A lot boys on out avenue had been with him because he liked to explore just about everyone at least once and he paid well. After the first time however he hardly bothered with most of them, he was very picky. The man slipped a twenty into the kid’s waistband as he whispered something into his ear before walking away. The little blond just looked down and without his eyes on me; I was able to fully take him in.

He had a baby face, with piecing and dare I say beautiful blue eyes. His lips and his feature were almost famine like but this was thanks to his young age. I was sure the parts in which were covered up were much more mature. He was tall, and his light colored hair gave off the illusion that he was hairless from the neck down. The rest of his body was thin but well cut; his tight shirt and pants showed all this off nicely. Such a boy … He still had some growing to do.

Soon enough he had regained some composer and I raised my eyes to meet his. “What?” He asked trying to sound unemotional and unbothered. “You don’t what that kid.” I stated motioning towards the twenty still sticking out from his waistband. “That guy isn’t worth it.” I had the feeling though that this kid had indeed been with that customer before so I could predict his response. “I’ve been with him before.” He stated in a matter of fact tone and this was music to my ears, he could handle some pain then.

I raised my hand in defense. “I feel sorry for you then kid, I know how he is.” Now I really didn’t, least not from personal experience. “He’s everyone on this block first mistake.” I went on wiping the counter and lowering my eyes some. I wanted him to think I was bothered by the past he would assume I had and in turn, he would trust me in time, which was just what I wanted.

“How so?” He asked and I smiled to myself.

“Like I said.” I started. “He is everyone’s first mistake. Trust me no one here gets to start out on top, we all dealt with the same shit, accept the customers.” Now if you haven’t guessed by this point, our area wasn’t the best and our bar was in fact the “hotspot” for pick up and drop off of whatever little male bitch that you had that night. “I’m Porter by the way.” I told him sticking out my hand to shake his. “And you are?”

He licked his lips and hesitated a moment before taking my hand and pulling back quickly. “Shadow.” He told me; just then, his buddies started getting a little impatient. We both looked over at the three other guys trying had to get Shadow’s attention I smirked some towards him before grabbing a tray and putting the drink for each guy on them and leaning closer to him. “It’s on me tonight kid.” I whispered. “You’ll earn it later on tonight I know.” My voice was empathic and kind. I felt his pain or at least he thought I did which I believed is what would soon bring him back …

A night or two went by, maybe more; I am hardly one to pay attention to detail anymore. Anyway, he did finally show up again and this time much to my delight, he was alone. Looking up from the bar when I heard the bell ring I noticed just how bad he looked. He wasn’t really beaten up pre-say but he looked like he had been through the ringer a few times in the past few hours.

Biting my bottom lip, I looked down quickly enough so that he didn’t catch me eyeing him. Instead of offering him any sort of attention, I just went about my work and waited for him to come to me. He stood just inside the main door for what had been at least five or more minutes. I knew he was working it over in his head if he should be here or not, it was after all a weekend night and yes it was late but … That hardly mattered in the type of business he was in.

If his boss knew that he were taking some time off well, let us just say the night would no doubt turn much worse for him then it had been already. After a while, he finally decided to approach the bar and have a seat at the end. I looked up and over at him, not allowing my face to show any concern or emotion, in fact I gave off no reaction, as if I didn’t even recognize him at first. As I set the towel in my hand down, I walked towards where he sat and offered a friendly smile. “What can I get you kid?” I asked my voice warm and even welcoming.

Shadow looked towards the door a moment and then back at me. He was worried someone would walk in and catch him. I had to wonder why he’d take such a risk if he was so worried but that was his concern, not mine. In time, the answers would come.

“Just a beer.” He said softly pulling a five out his back pocket and placing it on the counter. Taking the money I replaced it with a drink as I pretend to study him a moment. Now that I was closer, I could see the faint bruising just over his left eye as well as the ones around his neck. “Hey weren’t you the kid that was here a few nights ago …” I pretend to think a moment as his eyes grew slightly. “Shadow right?”

The teen just nodded his head. “Yeah.” He answered. “Who are you anyway?”

“Like I told you kid, Porter.” I answered and he looked at me a second. “Yeah, well it’s about as real to me as Shadow is to you I’m sure.” No one around that place gave real names, it was for protection, most of our boys were hiding from something or more likely someone. Now, if they’d rather turn tricks on the street you know some of their stories had to have been bad. Protection from the past was only a part of it though … Each and everyone one of them gave everything to any asshole they had each night, but not their names, that was the one and only piece of their soul that remained their’s. If someone didn’t know your name, they didn’t know you and therefore, they weren’t abusing or fucking you.

I drew just slightly closer to him, and allowed my eyes to travel over his face. “Rough night there?” I him asked gently. He just shrugged at the question but instinctively touched the fresh black and blue mark that was forming. “Hey, you know the old son of a bitch don’t you?” He asked referring to the man who had approached him just a few nights before and I merely nodded. “We all know him kid.” I informed him. “He has his way with every boy that comes on the Avenue and the unlucky ones see him more then once. He is picky though, you must he something special. I was only with him once …” I trailed off. Just then, my eye caught someone outside. “Get behind the bar.” I instructed him and he nearly jumped out off his stool in alarm looking towards the main windows where my eyes were seemingly plastered.

As his eyes grew wide, he realized it was best to just do as I said seeing as his beloved boss was on his way in. As Shadow did as he was told the bell once again rang and I offered a smile to the older man, whom even I knew only as … Wait, did I even know his name? Dismissing the thought, I awaited him, before he could speak however, my eyes noticeably averted to the floor behind the bar and a smiled touched my lips. That was all that was needed and a simple nod was enough to make an even agreement.

“I’m looking for one of my boys.” He started out taking a seat. “Goes by Shadow, I heard he seems to like it around here. Kind of small and thin, blue eyes … Blond hair. Seen him?” I just shook my head and in that moment felt Shadow shift nervously just at my feet, I smile touched my lips a second time. “Can’t say that I have, but I’ll be sure to send your bitch home the moment I see him.” My voice was bitter, sarcastic, all a part of the act. Shadow didn’t move further, out of fear I was sure and his boss just let out a laugh. “Right, be sure you do cause if I find out you’re fuckin with me again …” Trailing off he rose to his feet and within moments was gone.

The boy at my feet didn’t move, not at first and not at all. He was terrified to and I didn’t blame him. Pissing your pimp off was never a good idea, not only did the guy hold your balls in a glass jar on his mantel but when it came to that one … He’d ripped up the boys worse then any client did. A few times, he had found one of his playing around in the bar instead of working, he taught them a lesson, right here, and in front of whoever would watch.

He was pretty cruel, he beat them, rape them, cut them, whatever it took to get them begging for forgiveness, I of course enjoyed these times and looked forward to them whenever possible. There was just something about seeing a helpless boy bent over and shown his boss that made me want to have one of my own and the reality was, I’d just bought one and in time, he would come to learn this as well.

Kneeling down some, I was soon eye level with him. I pulled out a few twenties from my pocket and handed it over to him. “Don’t ask questions, just get back and give that to him. He’ll be happy enough.” I touched his cheek affectionately and ran my thumb over the bruise. “Might what to take care of that too.” I whispered. I moved my hand just slightly so he would feel the back of it over his cheek and his eyes closed as I did this. A look of confusion quickly faded form his face and I knew this was the first time someone had taken care of him in a long time.

Opening my eyes, I looked towards the small digital clock on my nightstand. It was nearly three in the morning and I had not yet been to sleep. This wasn’t saying to much since I’d only gotten off my shift and home around one or so. Still though, the idea of sleep was truly far from my mind and I found myself restless and ready for some action.

Those beautiful blue eyes were all I could think about, all I could see when I closed own eyes were his. He was very young I had realized and by hearing him talk, I realized he might be from very far away. My home was New York, had been for a long time, his voice held the sounds of the South. Though he did his best to cover the twinge in his speech, he would sometimes slip in and out with words here and there.

I found cute, enduring even.

It was amazing thing to see someone so innocent. He’d stopped into the bar again that night again, he was alone. It wasn’t a working night though so he didn’t have to hide. I’d worked the early shift, so it was rather interesting to see him in near daylight. We’d talked a bit here and there but I was busy and he didn’t stay long. I’d noticed something though, a thin sliver cross he wore around his neck, and I found this funny, rather hysterical actually. A fucking Christian whore ... Even now I smirked.

I’d been studying him closely the past week or so, he’d only stopped in twice or so since the night I’d given him the money. Both times, he had been more open, more willing to make polite contestation but still he kept his distance both physically and emotionally. Not that I believed he would open up to me right away, if ever such a thing were to happen it would be a bonus yes, but it was not necessary.

“So how old are you anyway Shadow?” I had asked in a teasing tone. “I know damn right well if cops gave enough of a shit to hit this Avenue they’d ring my ass for serving you.” He had grabbed his drink suddenly taking large gulps to avoid answering. I still stood there though, ignoring my other customers until he finished. As he set the glass down, having no other choice I gave him a bit of a goofy grin, which cause him to smile and even laugh.

What a break through, he laughed.

“Seventeen.” He finally offered with a soft sigh. Nodding my head a had poured a second drink and went off to take a few more orders. By the time I had gotten back Shadow was no longer alone. Cocking my head to the side I watched as some new John wrapped his arms around Shadow’s waist feeling in each which way before leading him off by the hand. He looked back to see me and nearly looked ashamed and embarrassed. I was disappointment and my face showed this but I was sure he thought my disappointment was for a much different reason …

I watched as the two headed for the bar’s bathroom, rather then for the front door. This wasn’t new but I just couldn’t help myself. I waited a few minutes before telling one of the other guys I was heading on my break and with that I to slipped into the bathroom. The first sound I head was the sound of skin on skin, once, twice and then a third time. Finally by the third hit to what I assumed was Shadow’s face I heard a gasp of pain and a cold laugh.

“Cry for me.” The older man would be heard demanding in a whisper. If one had not guessed by now, the men in our area enjoyed causing pain. Each guy I’d met around this place just loved to cause a boy to cry and ultimately beg for mercy. Once that point was reached one of two things would happen, one the John would become bored and move on … That was for the lucky whores or two, the weakness turned them on more and … Well, that was for the unlucky ones. Now, really, though some weren’t so bad …

I moved to the stall just besides their’s. Pressing my back against the stall wall, I stared directly ahead of me, and imagined. I could almost see the scene that went along with all I was hearing.

The wall gave a sudden jerk, as Shadow was roughly shoved against it. I heard another groan come from him as this happened and then I could see the soles of his sneakers as he was then shoved to his knees. I string of insults and curses came further from the nameless dick now in Shadow’s mouth. The boy coughed and gagged, anyone could tell he as having a hard time taking what he as given but the man did not let up.

In my head, I saw his hands tightly around the boy’s face as he held him on his head raping his mouth. This went on for several moments before the moaning and groaning began but I paid no mind to such things. All I cared about was my boy and his humiliation and suffering. It was wonderful, it was sickening and it made be harder then I had been a very long time.

Around the time the John let out a loud yell as he came I did so as well. Still Shadow choked and coughed. The man mumbled something but I barely heard him but before long, he was yelling again. Again Shadow was shoved against the wall, from what I could tell, he’d done something wrong but I wasn’t sure what but the John was not happy.

A sudden stream of apologies came from Shadow, which caused me to open my eyes and take interest again. He sounded as if he was about to cry but I knew that wouldn’t happen. He was strong and much more then this would be needed to break him. He’d seen more in his life then even I knew yet … Still, I couldn’t imagine him wanting to have displeased a customer and having to deal with the consequences. I’d already had mine for the night, didn’t want to over do it so I slipped out as fast and as silently as I had come in.

Awhile later, the John came out and then finally Shadow. He didn’t come near the bar this time though, instead he headed for the door and left. The John came to the bar and I smiled pouring a drink before asking him how his wife was doing …

Still lying in my bed the night ran through my head again and soon enough my hand found my pants … By the time I was done, I was ready for bed …

Things went on like this for several weeks, in fact one day I looked up to see Shadow coming through the door and I realized, it had been just over three months now since that first night that I seen him. We talked nearly every night since then, at some point, the boy had expressed his concern that his boss would find out but I assured him I’d take of anything that may or may not happen. The truth of the matter was I had paid the pimp off, he knew from the beginning that I wanted Shadow and he was fine with it, as long as he got the kid’s worth out of it and as it was he’d gotten that and more so far.

A lot had happened in those three months, well in my opinion anyway. Little by little Shadow had opened up to me and I started to be able see just why he was here, what stopped that fire in his eyes from going out and he got to know me too. Tonight though … Well, things would change tonight, we’d reach a new level I decided.

He was the classic case of abuse; people from the south liked to drink and his Mother and her boyfriend were no different. Normally his Mom was passed out and that’s when the boyfriend took over as the parental figure. He never bored me with details as he liked to put it but one can get the general idea. If nothing else, the guy gave Shadow a high pain tolerance and loosened him up enough to be enjoyable to the rest of us. At that point, I hadn’t yet used Shadow, I still paid for him as I stated but for me this was more then sex. I wanted to fuck him of course but I wasn’t into whores, I didn’t want “Shadow” I wanted whomever Shadow hid.

Basketball was Shadow’s outlet, turned out the boy hardly slept so while the rest of the whores slept the day away, he was out playing ball in the local lot. He never knew but I had followed him a few times, the kid had talent, he could have gone far … Just another waste if you ask me but what could you do about it now?

As he sat down in the corner, at his usual place I finished up with another customer and walked over. Flashing my eyes over him, I saw a harsh new bruise around his jawbone but didn’t say anything at first and neither did he. He looked lost, as if his world had been shattered. He shook his head when I offered him a drink and looked down at his own lap before looking towards me again. He had something on his mind but by now, I knew he was locked up tighter then I’d ever seen a boy so, you had to work him just right. I just leaned down and rested my arms on the bar.

“They all hurt you?” I asked and saw a look of shock cross his face and I knew I saw a flash of sadness and he even held back tears. Out of all the things we had talked about, he always managed to more or less dodge the top of the line of work he was in but after three months, I wanted to push things further. I thought by this point, I already learned almost everything there was to learn after all. He just shook his head and move to get up, instead of letting him go however I grabbed a hold of his wrist and he turned back to look at me. “Sit down.” I told him and he did. He had to understand that it was all OK to talk about it, with me anyway.

His eyes stared into mine and he finally shook his head. It was if something broken in him right then and there, I think I could have asked any question and gotten an answer. “Only some of them.” He finally told me and I nodded. Lifting my hand I gently traced his jaw with my thumb, more and more whores were leaving with Johns, it was getting late, and I had time to talk …

“Shadow.” I started. “I want to know something. We had been talking for a while now and there’s something I’ve always questioned. Why Shadow?”

It was then the boy’s face softened and he nearly smiled. In fact, he did smile and again I nearly lost it. I love it when he did that. Biting his lip, he sighed before beginning. “It’s nothing big …” He shrugged. “I use to hide a lot as a kid, whenever by mom’s boyfriend would come after me and I could get away I’d hide outside, in the shadows. I just felt protected in the night so what better when to protect the real me ya know?”

Leaning closer to him, I wanted nothing more then to touch him, to hold him and most of all to hurt him. I wanted to hear him cry as he had whenever he couldn’t get away those nights that his Mother was passed out. I wanted to beat him, and make him beg for what he didn’t want, what he hated and what he feared. He had no idea of the thoughts that ran inside my head though; if he had, he would have headed for the door and never looked back. Not that I’d let him go of course, I had plans for him and even if they didn’t go according to plan in the end he’d be worth all my money and trouble.

“Most boys forget who they are, ya know?” I told him. “After a while they just move pass all the old shit and do nothing but deal with the new stuff.” Looking at the clock that was just above our heads a moment I licked my lips. “I’m out for the night.” I said, though it was a lie, I knew the others would cover me. He nodded his head and looked down again; I could tell he was disappointed. “Come out with me.” I ordered him gently and later as I walked out the door he followed. He was a good boy after all … Always did what he was told.

Once outside I lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall. Sighing some I just laughed aloud, knowing he wouldn’t understand why. “You’ve come here nearly every night I’ve worked for three months.” I pointed out taking a drag and them removing the cigarette from my lips. “Why is that?”

“I like it here.” He answered.

“Just here?”

“And …” He shied away some like he always did and looked up and down the street. He didn’t go any further. “Do you even enjoy being fucked anymore?” I asked bluntly. The teen before me was growing weaker by the moment and I had no idea what was causing this break in him but I’d use it to the best of my advantage. Again, he answered with no words but shook his head no. Reaching for him I wanted his hand and he gave it to me allowing me to pull him closer and under the street light I could see the tears that made his eyes sparkle and that also threatened to fall.

“What happened tonight?” I went on and that was when he leaned into me. His smaller body rested against mine and I lowered my head so that we where eye level, I was so close I feel his breath and so close I could have easily kissed him but didn’t.

“Boss says he sold me.” He whispered. “I got to go …” He trailed off and that was when he began to cry. I wrapped an arm around him and smirked to myself, Shadow was indeed going with a buyer but what he had not yet realized was just who that buyer really would be and in reality, he may never know either.

I held him closer for several minutes and he slowly began to calm down. I rubbed his back and kissed the top his head, smelling his hair and whispering softly to him. The truth was a pimp would sometimes sell a boy, it was sick world that we lived in and most of the teens had no idea what they were really getting themselves into. Yeah, he could run, he could hide but they would find him and by the time they were done, he would have wished he were back home under old what’s his name.

If he thought this was a surprise … He had more to come.

Standing there with him a few people passed us going both in and out of the bar’s main door but I paid no attention to them and neither did he. It looked a bit odd of course, by this time everyone knew Shadow, he had become very popular. He was known for doing what he was told and more then that he was known for his beauty. This had made some of the other whores hate him and all the Johns want him. Still though, yes, they stared as they walked by but no one said a thing. I truly believe by this point that Shadow was the only one that had no idea what was ever going on.

It was hard to believe that a so soft was so hated much and so well liked at the same time. There was something about human beings … They loved to look on at beauty but once it was nearby, they often destroyed it.

No one ever bothered to give the kid a heads up even those that did like him … They knew what would happen to them if they fucked this up for me or their boss.

I’m unsure how long we stood there, how long I held him or how long he cried but I was in no rush. No rush at all, in fact I enjoyed his warm body against mine and never did I think he would let me hold him in such a way. He spoke a little here and there, he told how he hated it and how he was ashamed of it all, how he didn’t want to be here any longer, how he prayed there was something better after all this. Biting my bottom lip as he finally pulled away from me, I had long ago finished the cigarette I let myself get lost in his eyes.

It was then I leaned forward and took the back of his neck in my hand. I kissed him, gently, playing softly with his tongue with my own. He melted right then and there and when I looked at him, he wasn’t in shock and he held no look of surprise, instead he just looked content, happy even. “What’s your real name?”

“Justin.” He answered without hesitation. “Justin Timberlake.”

He didn’t ask for mine, though I thought he might have, he didn’t. Instead, he just looked my over carefully. I think it as the first time he had ever looked at another man and allowed himself to enjoying what he was seeing. I took pride in that fact, as odd as it may have sounded. I loved the fact that I had broken through, that I was the one that had found the real him.

“Come home with me.” I said with a reassuring nod as I reached for his hand and lead him towards my car. I only live a mile or two from the bar so the ride was short enough. As we drove, neither of us said anything. He kept his eyes down; I think he was a little confused. He was no virgin, but he’d never been with someone because he wanted to be so in a sense … This was a first for him.

Once at my apartment the two of us climbed the steps and the moment we were in the living room I reached for him. I held him and kissed him, tasting him and breathing in his scent. He didn’t resist, in fact I know he as enjoying himself so far. I ran my hands through his hair and over every part of his body. I didn’t let up and he moaned with each one of my moments, matching them with his own. Pushing him back while still kissing I steered him towards my bedroom. All the while I kept him close, kissing over his face and neck, somewhere along the way he lost his shirt and I did as well.

Running my hand down his chest I grew harder, his body was just so … It was wonderful, I was right of course, I had thought the rest of him was much more mature and it was. He was well defined, he had worked out in his younger years and did so now, that much was obvious. Reaching into his tight jeans, I felt around and found that he was just as ready as I was. I pushed him back further and onto the bed. Adjusting him so he was laying with his head on the pillows, I smiled before reaching inside the nightstand. Once my hand was visible, again a pair of sliver handcuffs could be seen.

His face held a look of pure anticipation and lust but at the sight before him, he looked fearful and uncertain. I was sure many men had used such things on him before, items of this like and more in fact.

He shook his head and moved to get up. “I can’t … I …”

“Shhh.” I soothed him placing himself on top of him. Leaning close to his ear, I kissed at it again before whispering further. “It’ll be Ok, I promise.” I assumed him and he settled back down closing his eyes and shivering slightly. As I looped he cuffs around the headboard and then locked them around his wrists, I laughed some to myself, after all these months and here we were.

~

What happened next you may ask?

Well, I would think it was rather obvious really.

Once the cuffs were scarcely in place, his pants and boxers joined the rest of our clothing. I started out slowly, not much changed in my pace but soon enough the all to filmier sound of skin on skin echoed through my apartment. I had backhanded him as hard as I could directly across his face and it was then he just looked at me. His eyes found mine and I saw fear, pain and understanding. In that moment he understood, at least partially as to what had accrued and would still accrue.

He set his jaw and he lowed his eyes as if determined not to be hurt and certainly not to cry but I knew what his heart was feeling and I knew he would be crying long before I was done.

Things moved slowly for the rest of the night. Each detail was perfect in my mind. I kept him locked there and I began things just as the old boyfriend had. I spoke down to him, telling him what a whore he was and how he should suffer for it and how deep down I knew he loved every moment of it. Then I beat him for what seemed forever and which in reality may have been close to it. Before I was even done, tears were falling from his eyes though I doubted it was so much the pain but the betrayal. He didn’t beg though, not at first. By the time, I spread his legs and forced my way in though he was fighting for control of his voice. I took him hard and I took him dry and he screamed but I made sure not to cum.

I rested while before taking my belt up again and beginning the process all over again. I added a few things each time though of course, I had toys and I had my cigarette if you get my meaning.

By then middle of the second time, he was begging but I continued on. I hurt him through his tears, I hurt him through his begging, and I hurt until he had no voice and then some. Until his screams had long died down and even after he passed out from the pain.

I allowed him time to sleep, to rest and then he woke again I was watching him. Hours went by and I held out, nothing in my life had ever given me so much pleasure. By the third time of this routine I couldn’t hold out any longer and I cam straight inside his tight little body. I had used him as much as either of us could stand … Well, maybe I had used him beyond his point but I had most defiantly gotten my money’s worth.

His eyes were cold and focused on something very far away though even I had no idea what. Looking down at him, I could still see his eyes in the dim light the fire was gone. It had gone out during the ordeal no doubt but I hadn’t noticed. I had been far to gone in my pleasure and his pain.

I unhooked the cuffs and he laid there. He didn’t move, not that I thought he really could but he didn’t even make an attempt. He was lost and he was broken, I’d taken the very last thing he … I had taken his hope. He had thought sue that eh had found one person he could trust. Can you even imagine … Being so broken and so cold .. Locking your doors and your windows at this time only to find out you had locked the devil inside with you.

As I reached the outside and stepped out, I noted that it felt like snow and looked towards my bedroom window. Eying it carefully I knew he’d be gone by the time I got back. I knew in my heart that no matter what it took, he drag himself from that bed and from the room as best he could. I had planed on keeping him, I had paid for him after all but in the end … It wasn’t right.

You may think I’m sick but after all we had talked and all I had learned … I had fallen in love with Shadow but more then that I had fallen in love with Justin. I had to let them both go, he’d end his own suffering in one way or another and this pained me but it was the ending of a sad story I knew no one could change.

Again, he hated who he was and what he was … He was ashamed of it all … His mom’s boyfriend, his choices and now of me I was sure … He had said as a child he was told shame was God’s way of telling you did something wrong but the truth was, Justin may have been the only one free from sin out of us all. He dissevered the rewards of what lay after this hell and believe or not, I prayed he’d find it.