This time the young man's bright blue eyes filled with tears yet still they didn't fall. Why would he cry for this man? He was not his Master; he was not his boyfriend or his lover. There was only one that Justin cried for and at the present time he was away, he had been for the past several days spending time in LA auditioning. Lowering his eyes Justin thought of him and it was then a single tear finally fell from his eyes.

So many times during his sessions with Devin, the older man would somehow find his way into his thoughts. When this happened Justin’s heart hurt worse then his body ever could. He needed so badly to feel pain, the kind of pain that only Devin could give. Something that was so wrong, yet could sometimes feel so right. He was horrible and sick but most of all he was a cheater.

One tear?

This was simply not enough for Devin and a loud frustrated sigh could be heard after a few short moments. The "Master" who often came to visit Justin or who often allowed Justin to visit him would enjoy himself tonight and he knew it. The nineteen year old that knelt half-naked before him was a challenge and oh, how he loved a challenge.

From the first night, Justin had sported such defiance and such an attitude. He truly was what Devin had searched for so long. One he could use and abuse then finally just leave behind. Justin never required any comfort or kind words after a punishment. In fact, it was always Justin who begins dressing first to leave, when and if he was able to move of course. Sometimes things got rather hot and heavy in more ways then one.

*Flashback*

Jailbait.

Those words had been the catcalls that followed Justin as he walked threw the door and towards the bar. They all knew he was no more then fifteen or sixteen at the most. What did it matter though? The whole building was filled to the brim with Masters, slaves, molester and rapists. All the sex was consensual mind you. However, screams could be heard coming down the halls and from the back rooms accompanied with the rhythmic melody of leather on skin and promises of submission. No one ever held against their wills or made to do things they didn‘t allow.

As it was, the place was no dive and there was no "real" rape going on. Everyone that stepped foot within these walls was offered two important things. Freedom and Acceptance. It didn't matter if you were a top or a bottom, if you elided the whip or embraced it or what your reasons were for your choosing. The world of S and M was often looked down upon; people just didn't understand the pleasure that could be found in both giving and receiving pure pain. This is why they all chose this heaven to hide in and play.

Justin was no different from them all and Devin could tell. Yes, he had fears and he was uncertain. Anyone could see the shaking of his hands and the way his head remained bowed was a dead give away to the status he would hold in any relationship. Over the next hour or so Devin watched as one Master after another made their way over to their newest little slave boy. Each one talked to him but in the end bowed out without even a touch to his soft skin. A true Master would not train or punish a slave without a connection of some sort or a statement of trust. Maybe the blond could not bring himself to give over his well-being.

No matter to this Master however, for him it was all about one thing and one thing only.

Dominance.

As long as his partner was willing, he was as well.

“I just want to be hurt.” This was the one and only phrase that came from Justin’s mouth. His tone was firm and held no emotion.

“For what reason” Devin asked out of nothing more then curiosity. He liked to hear stories after all. It was then that Justin’s eyes finally looked up and met that of the other’s. “None of your fucking business” He snapped. Did they not all understand? His life, his guilt and his past were none of their concern. He wanted was to be hurt, to be humiliated on his knees and nothing else, not a shoulder to cry on as one Master had offered, not a partnership, not even a Master and Slave relationship. He had no interest in these people for such things.

Now Devin had a temper. Unlike many of the Master’s he held as friends he didn’t wish to train a slave, he didn’t wish to hold them as they cried. Such a reason and attitude had must have been the reason why the other Masters had walked away. They wanted to have slave who submitted out of want and most importantly need. This one was selfish and thought only of himself his tone alone was more then enough to express that fact.

Did Devin care however? No. He wanted to hurt him and he would. He was an arrogant individual and a selfish one as well. He demanded respect and no half pint was going to put forth such an attitude for no reason.

This one was begging for it Devin realized and without a second thought to it, he reached out and slapped the teen hard across the face. Justin hadn’t been expecting such a fast or hard hit. Again, he lowered his head but not in submission or shame, in fact a smile slowly crept across his features.

*End of Flashback*

Every sense that night the two had come together to “play” or so to speak. Justin sought to be hurt badly and Devin was more then ready to comply. Sometimes it was hard because Justin had a life and he had a boyfriend. He had a band in which he spent time off and on but mainly he focused on school, he wanted to work with kids someday. He had great talent in a great many things but Devin didn’t know any of this. All he knew of Justin was his name, and his status under him.

Reaching out Devin grabbed Justin by the arm pulling him to his feet. Justin didn’t pull back or hesitant but be did flinch. It wasn’t so much that he was scared of what the other, after a year of seeing Devin and playing the game he knew more or less what to expect and it as never anything he couldn’t handle. No, he flinched out of natural reaction, as odd as it may sound this boy feared physical contact, it sent shivers of panic threw his body, causing his heart to race and his breath to shorten.

He had been this way since he was child, it wasn’t something he could ever put into words or even truly understand himself. Many thought it sick and sadly enough for Justin, he had to agree with them. For so many years he had sought out someone that would push his limits, he could never talk to Josh about this sort if thing. He loved him and he trusted him but this … He was ashamed of what he wanted and what he needed and why. He couldn’t even stand to think what Josh may think of him if he knew any of it …

Following Devin towards the bed he had down in his basement he kept his eyes lowered to the ground as were the rules and bit his bottom lip, waiting quietly. He didn’t have to much fight in him tonight, he had the feeling Devin would grow bored rather quickly actually but tonight … It just didn’t matter to him.

Justin didn’t even bother to release himself, the moment Devin had stopped moving the teen had pushed himself up, gotten dressed and left. Devin just rolled his eyes as Justin did this; the other was never one that Devin could understand. Justin begged to be used and he begged to be abused but every once in a while he would act like a complete little bitch. Sometimes Devin believed he put on this act for attention, because he wanted their play turned up a step or two. Each time the other acted in such a way he would disappear for a few weeks, once even a month but he’d always come back and by then they were both so built up that … Well, it would be a long night the next time they met, this much he was sure of.

The blond made it home as fast as he could. While Devin was in the Upper East Side, he and Josh, well, they couldn’t afford upper anything really. It was a bit of train ride for him but he never cared really and Devin paid for it at least. He shivered some in the cold as he attempted to unlock his building’s front door. Fighting with his keys, he ended up kicking the door in frustration because it simply refused to open. “Bitch door.” He mumbled still fighting with before it finally swung open. Wow, some asshole here decided to be helpful for once …

“Yeah thanks.” He said looking up only to be met with very blue and very filmier eyes. Justin’s face practically lit up and he moved forward quickly. “Josh?” He questioned. Seeing his boyfriend there, he then heard him laugh, it was him, and he was home. Justin nearly cut of the other male’s windpipe he hugged him so hard. “Oh My God.” He said kissing Josh’s cheek and neck. “I didn’t know you where coming home tonight … What happen … How did everything go … Did you get the part … I missed you so much … You’re not leaving for a while now right?” All these questions poured from Justin and poor Josh was unable to get a word in. Laughing a second time, he just shook his head. “Justin just shut up.” He teased holding him and kissing him for what seemed like forever.

The two had been together for nearly two years now. Justin had headed to New York to attend school right after he had graduated; he had a full scholarship the teen had after all spent his entire life working his ass off to ensure he was able to leave home the moment he was legally able to. A child growing up anywhere could have countless secrets but one that grew up in the South could have ones far darker then some may think … But he had left all that far behind him, it was in past where it belong and he never poke about it, never thought about it, or so he told himself.

Josh on the other hand had been here well over two years; the older man had lived in the big city all his life and he loved every moment of it. Well, no, that was a lie; he had pain in his past just like anyone else. He grew up with just he and his Mom, she did her best but money was tight and she worked a lot still though, they did what they could and there ere good times to go along with the bad and the good was what he liked to remember.

The two had met a time when they needed each other the most and for that reason, their relationship moved rather quickly. It was the end of summer and Justin was very new to the city, he didn’t know where he as half the time and he had no one to turn to. He had come fresh from a small town where everyone knew everyone and more then that fresh from a home that had thought him never to trust a soul. Thankfully, though he had his dorm room to sleep in and not enough money to really speak of but enough for a rainy day at least.

Now Josh on the other hand had a situation that was nearly a complete opposite. He knew the area and he was comfortable here but his Mother had recently died and with just his income now … He no longer hand a place to live and no money saved up.

After a few days of unpacking Justin had gone a job at a local diner, one where Josh already worked at, the money sucked but they got as much free food as they wanted or needed which is always good when one if on a tight budget. One of the first things that Justin noticed about Josh was, he never seemed to leave the diner, and he was always the first one there in the morning and the last at night. When their boss found him sleeping in one of the back rooms everything became a little clearer.

This incident lead to Josh losing his job and the beginning of a rather odd relationship when Justin offered him a place to stay for a few days.

*Flashback*

“You sure this is OK?” Josh asked looking around the small dorm room with a small frown. He appreciated this, all but, he didn’t know Justin, and more importantly, Justin didn’t know him. Shifting his book bag back up onto his shoulder he was noticeable uncomfortable with the issue at hand but he was dispirit at the same time.

“Yeah I’m sure.” Justin answered not sounding so convinced. He had the dorm to himself until the third of September, which meant an extra room with a bed and Josh didn’t have anywhere else to go. He was crazy he realized in that moment … Swallowing hard he laughed a little nervously. “Just make yourself at home.” He told the older male before slipping past him and into his own room. “I’ll be right back.”

As the door to the bedroom closed behind him, Josh still didn’t move.

*End of Flashback*

Now, anyone who saw the couple now would be able to tell things got much better. Once the two got use to one another they found out they had many of the same interests and one thing lead to another. Justin’s roommate never showed up at all so Josh stayed a bit longer but within the coming month or so he found a job and was able to be on his own again. Neither of them liked it one bit but it had to be done, in reality Josh was trespassing and Justin could lose his room if anyone realized the young burnet wasn’t a student. Not much changed though, the two were happy together … They seemed to meet each other’ needs well and if nothing more, cured the loneliness.

They had their problems like any other couple but they fit well, they each made up for what the other lacked. Justin was sometimes too childish, while Josh was sometimes to mature, Justin had book smarts, Josh had street smarts and while Josh was quiet and Justin was loud. In little ways, they kept one another in check.

So, that was where everything stood that night. They had dating just over two years and living together for one. They loved one another and took care of one another and Justin knew everything there was to know about Josh but Josh had no idea of just how little he knew about Justin.

This was wonderful, it could be a big break for Josh, something that at this point in his life was both wanted and needed more then every before. The male was hardly old in any sense of the word; he was only a few years older then Justin in really. However, local theater and playing for free at local clubs had certainly grown old by this point. Justin was thrilled for his boyfriend, which was until he realized in order for Josh to begin shooting he would be gone for just under three months and thanks to school, he wouldn’t be able to go with him. Josh wouldn’t be able to afford coming home, as it was it was only thanks to his agent that he could go back and forth to auditions … Some tax write off or something he was sure.

The young blond never felt so good, then when he was with Josh. It seemed that none of his problems mattered, sometimes he’d lay awake and watch Josh sleep, and just be thanking God that he had him in his life. Yea, it was lame but Josh was really the first person that ever bothered with Justin … With these thoughts though, often came the thoughts of the things he had done and the event of the past year …

Justin couldn’t bring himself to open the sick part of him up to Josh. His Mother had taken off early on in his life, he really didn’t blame her, his Father was a sick basted who seemed to take pleasure in beating his child when ever and where ever he could for any reason. Besides that, there was the fact that all his creepy friends he use to bring around the house seemed to get a kick out of either doing or watching the same thing.

Somewhere around the age of eight, one of the men, Austin, had realized that Justin was turning into more then just a cute little boy and that was when the touching started. His Father paid no mind, even when Austin would visit his son’s bedroom. After a few years though, Justin was shown a world he did not understand.

No one in the small town seemed able or willing to help the child either. His Father was a well-respected man, one they all held just symphony for, he was after all raising young boy on his own and one knows how hard that can be. He had to be strict and he had to show the boy tough love, God forbidden he ended up anything like his Mother. Justin heard such things all his life and by the time he was old enough to realize that everything else that was happening was wrong … He felt it too late.

The truth was as he got older he his body would react more and more to reach hit he took and each knew toy that was used on him. He liked it … This was something both his Father and Austin were quick to point out when he would cry. If his dick was hard, he must be having fun and anyone he told would say the same. They controlled him through strength but more importantly, they controlled him through fear.

Maybe now one can understand why he had wanted nothing more then to leave that place. The sad thing was, once he was gone, once they could no longer get to him, he was lost. He found out that, he really did enjoy being hurt. He felt sick about himself and dirty because he missed it all, they hurt him but they always took care of him afterwards if that made any sense and at least, his Father wasn’t ignoring him.

Before he had met Josh, he didn’t know what to do with himself. After Josh though, but the pain inside was much less unbearable but then Josh started to have to leave and … The rest was history. It turned out there were people just like him, though at the time and still to this day, he didn’t know wither to be happy or disturbed by the fact.

The week Josh spent home was perfect, the two were able to go out and have fun between Justin’s classes and all and their bed was no longer big and empty. All too soon though …

Sighing some as he leaned his forehead against the glass wall that looked out over the main runway Justin just rolled his eyes. He was happy for Josh, this was of course what he kept telling him but he was also … The lonely feeling in his heart was slowly creeping back. He just didn’t want Josh to be gone again and most of all for such a long time. The two had fought back and forth about the whole issue the night before and Justin knew he was being selfish but he couldn’t help it.

When Josh wasn’t around Justin looked for comfort in other ways, he knew himself well enough by now. He didn’t want to believe he would, but he knew by the next day he’d be in Devin’s basement again. He longed for that type of life everyday and he longed for it to be Josh, not Devin.

As Josh came back from dropping, his bags off he just watched Justin from behind for a few moments. Josh adored Justin, every part of him and he knew the next few months would be hard but they had been apart before, everything would be fine … Though he also had a rather uneasy feeling, the same one he got whenever he had to leave Justin behind. Pushing the thoughts from his mind he reached Justin and hugged him from behind, pressing his body to the teen‘s, he kissed his neck softly and nuzzled against him.

Justin just closed his eyes as he felt Josh’s body heat with his own, he wanted to cry but he wouldn’t. He knew that would just make this harder and he’d already done enough of that type of shit last night. Instead of saying anything, they just remained there for the better part of a half hour, enjoying one another and watching the people and planes out on the runaway.

Finally, it was Josh who broke the silence the two were sharing. “I love you.” He whispered and Justin merely nodded at first, not trusting himself to speak. “Justin …” He started up but didn’t finish as Justin shook his head. “I love you too … I’m just going to miss you is all.” He confused never taking his eyes from the window.

“I know, but if things work out though, I’ll have my own place in LA and enough money so you can move out there too. I mean by that point you’ll have all your basics down in school and with your grades you can go anywhere ya know?” Josh assured, he sounded as if he truly believed life could be that simple and to him it could be, they just had to work at it, they had for this long.

As his flight was called Josh sighed, picking up his carryon he ran a hand through his hair and bit his bottom lip. After a few second, Justin turned around to face him and hugged him tightly. “Be safe OK?” He requested. “And … Break a leg or whatever.” He teased … “But not literally.” He stated half seriously, as if he needed to clarify. Josh just laughed. “Will do.”

As the two kissed those that passed by offered an odd look or two but hey, this was New York, people were use to this sort of thing. In the end, Josh and Justin were so lost that Josh had to practically run to catch his flight. As Justin watched him bored and watched the plane take off he felt so alone and so empty. He was so angry with Josh for leaving him but more then that he was hurt by the act; though he knew nothing could be done.

By the time, he found his way home it was nearly midnight. After wondering around for nearly four hours, he was rather tired, the few drinks in his system didn‘t help either. Therefore, soon after his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light, only not for long.

~

As Austin shoved him down hard into the bed Justin attempted to move, to get away but it was useless, the man was far too big and he was just a child. The male slowly climbed on top of him, unbuttoning his own pants as he did so.

“Now, you’re going to take this kid, or I’m going to fuck you until you can’t walk, you under me boy?” He whispered in a cold and low voice. The young boy shivered and shook as tears slipped from his eyes and down his face. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. Austin had touched him here and there but only through his cloths, he’d never taken anything of before.

As clenched his jaw shut he decided no matter what he wasn’t doing this… It was wrong. In school, they had talked about this, about bad touches and good touches and how anything that scared was bad. This was bad!

Austin only laughed and slapped him hard across the face. “Open up.” He demanded, but Justin refused and for this reason he was given a few more blows to his face and finally as Austin’s hand tightened around his throat and in attempted to breath he parted his lips slightly.

Shoving his figures in first and then his dick he processed to his best friend’s son as one would who a whore you picked up on the street, as he loosened grip, Justin still choked and gasped for air but Austin didn’t kept up and that was how it started …

~

Fighting with the covers Justin finally awoke from his nightmare, he was crying and his body was soaked with sweat. He looked around desperately in fear as if he expected to be jumped at any moment. “Josh” He yelled out his heart pounding. “Josh.” He cried out again but there as no answer. After several minutes he realized his boyfriend, his protection was gone and he was alone.

By the time the sun had rose the following day he had decided to get into contact with Devin. Calling him up, it took three tries to get him to answer the phone. He was normal smug self of course, he spoke of how he knew Justin would crawling back and so on, and sometimes Justin didn’t understand how someone so in love with himself still needed his ego flattered. Still though, Justin was down on himself and Devin was all he had right now, so every question was met with a polite “Yes Sir” or “No Sir.” Yeah, Justin could be stubborn but his submissive side sometimes took over when he needed it to.

Devin informed Justin that he’d have to wait until the weekend but come Friday night he’d have a surprise for him, one that Devin believed would be interesting to say the least.

~

Knocking on Devin’s door Justin just waited for someone to answer. Standing there for nearly five minutes he was starting to regret coming, maybe Devin was juts fucking around with him this time. He had said before that …

Before the thought could be completed, though the door opened and Justin raised his eyes to see Devin staring back at him. The other male’s green eyes were cold, as they always were but he held a smile as well, one that caused Justin to have a very uneasy feeling. Licking his lips, he stepped into the home as the Master stepped aside, once inside the young blond’s eyes fell on someone he had never seen before. Swallowing had he backed up, he didn’t like this, he didn’t know this person and more importantly, he didn’t know why he was here.

As he turned around, he found himself face to face with Devin, who turned back around shoving him into the living room. The teen was at a lose for words, and nearly choked as he tried to speak. Thankfully the other boy finally spoke. Turning back to the Master, he lowered his as if humbled and quietly asked. “So this him Master?” A soft chuckle could be heard in his voice. The other boy was blond as well and his eyes crystal blue. He wasn’t much older then Justin but he seemed different … He gave off an air that told Justin that this boy wasn’t at all like him and he had spoken to Devin with such respect Justin wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“Something assuming?” Justin asked finding his voice finally and trying to sound as if he wasn’t taken back by his presences. The other young man just finally looked at him and gave a look that couldn’t be described as anything less this piecing. “Me Master was right.” He answered in a matter of fact tone. “You don’t know your place do you.”

“What the fuck …”

Only Justin didn’t complete his thought, instead Devin cut in. “Now boys settle down, tonight will be fun I promise. Both of you have a seat.” He ordered but Justin stayed where he was, he didn’t trust this. “Suit yourself.” Was the reply Devin gave while the other sat down off to the side again. Pouring himself a drink the male looked began speaking again. “James this is Justin and yes the boy I told you about and Justin, this James. Before I met you, long before actually, James was mine and without going into detail, life got in the way and that awhile later I took you on because … “ He waved his glass slightly and shrugged. “Mainly because I didn’t know you nor did I want to … You fun to play with.” He was honest and he even laughed some as he shook his head.

Licking his lips, he set his drink down as he went on. “Now, as you can, James is back and would like his place back, in which case, I’d have no room for you but rather then just letting you go, I thought I’d give you the chance to be the one that remains. You’re both fun … In different ways, I can’t say that one is better then the other and after all, James did leave on his own freewill and has to be taught a lesson as well …”

Nether of the young men said anything but instead stared at Devin, he had their attention to say the least and they seemed to hanging on his every word. Both of them had a reason for being here, a reason for needing to be here and though Justin hated Devin, their relationship had come to be something he could depend on and fall back on. While with James, the honest truth was, he was in love with the man who he saw as his Master. One may wonder why he had left in the first place, the answer was jealousy mostly, Devin was the type to take into their bed countless others and James believed this was wrong. Though he was slave he wanted respect, something in which Devin refused and so one night he left. As to why he was back, that’s another story on it’s own.

Over the next twenty minutes or so, Devin talked him out; he began to explain a few things. He had no room in his home or in his life for the two of them. It was toss up for him really, a choice that he had decided was as simple as flipping a coin and letting fate decide.

That was what he said anyway …

Justin had been somewhat lost in thought, for how long he wasn’t so sure but when he realized he, was being stared at he turned slightly pink and looked away. “Sorry.” He mumbled and he was pretty sure he saw James roll his eyes at him.

“By the end of this night one of you will go. Now, I believe by this time, I know both of you well enough, James you’ll do what you’re told but you …” He smiled pointing at Justin. “You’ll have a problem …” Without giving them time to go on, he continued. “Over the next few hours I want to see you hurt one another, you’ll each have a turn and the one who takes the most for me will stay while the one who doesn’t will have to go.”

James merely nodded but at that point, Justin laughed and stood up, only his laugh was not one of sarcasms he looked from one to the other and shook his head. “I don’t …” He didn’t finish but instead cleared his throat and motioned towards James. “I don’t do that to other people.” There was defiance in his voice, no uncertainty; he wasn’t going to do to James what Austin had done to him.

He would allow others to beat him, to rape him even, in one form or another, but he could never be the type to make someone else suffer. The thought alone scared him, he saw nothing wrong with being hurt, but he wither he got the OK or not, he could look into down at someone and see himself there … He could be the abused, never the abuser. Each word caused him to see red and his clench.

Devin broke into his thoughts once again. “You will.” He snapped. “You will or you will pay in more ways then one.” Setting down his drink, he stood in front of the smaller boy, his eyes piecing. “Wither you stay or you go, I don’t give a fuck but you will learn the place of a slave here and now.” His voice grew louder with each word, by the end he was practically yelling in Justin’s face. “You were fun, which was it, I put up with your shit because you were fun but you got away with way to much and either way there is a price for a year’s worth of disrespect.”

After James had left, Devin couldn’t handle another broken heart, another disappointment. He liked Justin because he knew there was no need there, no love and no concern. However, that didn’t mean that he didn’t long for it all … A real slave would have never given all Justin did, the good or the bad.

Justin shook some but stood his ground. “Man, go fuck yourself.” He screamed back, he needed to get out there and with those word half ran to the door and left. James just shook his head and pulled an envelop from his pocket. “Just what I thought … Mail this and then come home.” He ordered before retrieving his drink, he would play with James tonight then.

He was unhappy with Josh, he was unhappy with Devin, he just didn’t know how to happy at this point. Looking at his life, at this point, it wasn’t so bad or, it hadn’t been. He was school, he had a job, a roof over his head, a boyfriend, but he was still so miserable. Even when Josh was home, he still thought of Devin and the things they’d do together.

He had such a need to be controlled but whenever Devin tried, he’d push him away. He wanted to be taken care of but when Josh tried, he ran to Devin. The teen decided not to bother with the train home tonight; he just thought it better to walk. It was freezing like a bitch but he didn’t care.

At some point, he’d make it home and with any luck, he’d be able to sleep tonight.

~

Throwing the door open Josh moved into the apartment that he shared with his supposed boyfriend. “Justin!” He yelled but was met with no answer. Moving to the bathroom, and then the bedroom he looked just to make sure. “Where the fuck …” Throwing his book bag on the bed he pulled the pillows from Justin’s side off and then the sheets but he didn’t seem to find what he was looking for because he soon moved on.

Pulling the nightstand drawer out he pulled out a few books and papers not really caring where the shit landed as he reached to the closet. “I fucking know its here somewhere, you fuckin write it every damn day.” He mumbled to himself.

Justin had a journal and he was sure he’d fine the truth in there. Josh had never given Justin a reason to think he’d go snooping but the pictures he’d gotten in the mail gave him the right to read whatever he wanted. Pulling down a random box, he lost his grip and swore out loud, as it hit the floor. “Son of bitch.” He snapped throwing his hands up in frustration. Looking around the room, he thought for a moment. He was beyond pissed off, he just wanted an answer and he wanted it now.

Next, he decided to tear Justin’s dresser apart but as he pulled open the first drawer, he heard the apartment door closing and in a few seconds, Justin appeared in bedroom doorway. As his eyes fell on the mess and finally on Josh he looked, both confused and a bit scared. Opening his mouth to speak he was quickly cut off.

“I want your fucking journal.” Josh yelled but when Justin didn’t move Josh’s face grew even redder. Walking straight up to the younger man he grabbed him by the front of the shirt shoving him hard against the wall. “You been fuckin around?” He asked his eyes cold.

Now Josh had a temper and all but Justin had never seen him like this. He opened his mouth to lie but soon shut it again afraid to answer either way as he pressed himself further into the wall.

Giving Justin another push further into the room, he slammed the door behind them. Pulling open the small pocket in the front, he threw the contents at Justin who only caught one or two.

Kneeling down he retrieved the rest open soon dropped the photos again as if they were hot. Looking at the floor, the wall, anywhere but at Josh, he shook his side. “I … I um …” Suddenly his mouth had gone very dry and he was disparate to say anything but his mind had gone blank.

The pictures, as anyone could guess, were of Justin with Devin in position or another. The teen searched his mind, when had he taken those, why had he taken those?

As Justin thought it over Josh just stared at him. His anger had left him and had been replaced with shock and sadness. The look on his boyfriend’s face was enough; he had come all the way from LA to be told that the pictures were fake or something, not to be meant with silence. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been …” Only he couldn’t even finish. “Why would you do this? I thought you loved me. I thought what we had was …”

“It is.” Justin finally spoke up moving closer to Josh he tired to touch him but Josh pulled away and was soon walking out the door. “The fuck it is.” He shot back as he shook his head. “What the fuck have you been doing with him Justin? Were there more? How long has it been going on?” Only Justin didn’t have any answers, no matter how many times he opened his mouth the words just weren’t there.

Finally, he pulled his journal from the dresser drawer and held it out to Josh still looking at the floor. It was all he had to offer; even being caught red handed didn’t make any of it any easier to understand or to explain.

Still staring at Justin, with more hate now then anything he just took the book and left.

Sitting down on the unmade bed Justin watched the door gone after it had slammed shut. He waited to see if Josh would come back but after an hour or so, he accepted the fact that he wasn’t. He was still in shock, he still didn’t get it. Licking his lips, he found his cell phone and dialed Devin’s number. He hadn’t seen or contact him in well over a week but he kept his number just the same.

Josh had no idea where he was going, he and Justin didn’t own a ca so he was stuck just walking around. He swore to God it was like below zero and there were a few snowflakes here and there. He really didn’t give a fuck though, he was passed off and to hurt to be affected. He stilled held the blue journal in his hand but hadn’t bothered to stop anywhere to read it. He just didn’t get it he didn’t get Justin. There were in love last time he checked weren’t they? They lived together for Chris sake’s, two years they had been together and Justin had been cheating on him.

Beyond cheating on him, those pictures. There was no question, the guy, whoever eh was had been hurting Justin and badly. When Josh had seen them at first he had thought, someone had kidnapped his boyfriend or something but the more as he saw some of the others …

There were ones that put forth, without question, that Justin had been enjoying himself at one point or another. Why would Justin put himself in such a position, the guy had used some sick shit on him, something that Josh had never even seen or heard of before. He wondered how he didn’t see burses or cut, but then realized, he hadn’t been around much now had he? That didn’t matter though, if Justin wanted to end it, he should have before fucking some creep, speaking of which who the fuck was this guy.

Stopping for a moment Josh hadn’t thought about his boyfriend “other guy.” He wanted to fuck kill him too, not only for sleeping with Justin, obviously knowing enough about Josh to send him pictures, but what he had done to Justin. Maybe he had blackmailed or something …

Looking down at the journal he sighed some, well he did have the answers right in the palm of his hand didn’t he?

Rolling his for no other reason then he had simply had it already he began walking again. It was around eleven o’clock at night, he was sure more then sure there a bar open somewhere. Reaching a small drive at the edge of their city he sat down at the bar and order something random before flipping the journal open and beginning to read.

He soon realized that the journal started around the same time Justin had came to New York for the first time. He talked about mainly random shit, most of which JC already knew and remembered. The airport lost his bags and his RN being a dick, he surprised by just how much deal was within the first passage before long though he decided to skip a head a few pages.

After a few minutes of reading random passage and pages Josh’s eyes landed on a few words that caught his attention.

~

Josh had read the passage over and over again, after a while he realized he was just starring at the page. Had he just understood that right? Finally realizing he was sit there like an idiot he looked up to see the ice in his drink half melted and the bartender looking at him oddly. Pulling money out his pocket, he put it don on the counter before grabbing his drink and heading off to a table on the side.

For the better part of the next hour, Josh read every word that was written on every page at least twice. Justin had gone on to talk about everything that both his Father and Austin had done for nearly seven years.

Justin dad had started having a poker night every Saturday once his wife left. Justin was about seven at the time and the men seemed to enjoy watching Justin’s Father putting his brat in his place. He talked about how his dad would make up shit to have a reason to hit him those nights but how the rest of the week he hardly even noticed. He’d beat the crap out of him for the littlest things while the other three guys laughed and sometimes took a turn. He talked about how such punishments were normal in the South but when he hit eleven things changed.

Around that time, Austin had started touching him here and there and soon enough ended up in his room. At first, it was through his cloths but after the man soon grew bored. He started forcing Justin to give him blowjob and by the time he hit his teenage years it went beyond that. The guy was sick, mainly he just liked to fuck and beat him but sometimes he‘d use things. The shit sounded like what Josh had seen in those pictures. Thing was though, at the time, Justin was just a kid.

Josh wasn’t unable to tear his eyes from the words that Justin had written not so long ago. By the time, he had read the last page, which had been dated for only a few days prior.

Closing the book he ran a hand over his face and looked around the bar, it was damn near empty. Grabbing his now warm drink, he downed it before leaving. He wanted to go back to the apartment, he didn’t want to see Justin but he had to. Hat Justin had done wasn’t something he could just get over and he still didn’t understand but he’d blind and now he wanted to see.

Unfortunately, Justin didn’t want him to see anything and locked him out of the bedroom. The door was locked from the inside, so Josh knew he was in there but his boyfriend just wasn’t answering. The older male wanted to keep himself calm, he didn’t want scared Justin, he assumed Justin was scared he’d push or hit him again. The words he had read had talked about being upset that Josh wasn’t hitting him but, he just didn’t understand and more importantly, he didn’t know how. They both had a lot to learn about one another and themselves really.

Josh just wasn’t taking what he had read to heart, for what it was.

Justin knew he was wrong and he was sorry that he had hurt Josh, he was sorry about all of it but in an odd way, he was relived. All that shit wasn’t his secret to keep any longer; he had thought life would end when and if anyone besides Devon knew that but, here he was still, still breathing. Somewhat sobbing but still breathing nonetheless. He’d fallen into a much needed sleep nearly an hour before Josh showed back up. In his mind it was over, He wouldn’t be wanted anymore and he understood that. He’d start packing tomorrow he decided.

Looking back on everything now, he was just numb. Maybe all along he had been waiting for this, hoping for it and looking forward to it. Being with Josh, like this, it just wasn’t working. He needed more and Josh deserved so much better.

If there were “Devins” out there, surely he’d find someone. In his mind all was said and done, Josh couldn’t forgive him and he wouldn’t forgive himself. What kind of life would it be though? To be with someone you didn’t love. When such a thought had run through his head, he thought of Devon, he didn’t want a life like that either …

Maybe it was all he was meant for though. Sometimes Justin would remember what some of the Masters had offered his first night. They had wanted to talk him, get to know him, he wondered if anyone of their kind had a real relationship. He had never allowed himself such thoughts before, mainly because in his mind he believed things would never change. That they wouldn’t get any better but at least they also couldn’t get worse. Turns out, he was wrong.

A final bang on the door jolted Justin awake and he rubbed his eyes looking towards the small clock on the nightstand. For a brief moment, he had forgotten the events of the night, he head Josh’s voice and smile but it quickly faded. He couldn’t hide forever but he didn’t see anything wrong in trying for a little while longer.

“Justin, just open the door I want to talk to you.” Rolling his eyes the teen just shook his head. Josh didn’t sound angry, why didn’t he sound angry, shouldn’t he be angry? Wait, no he such be relieved he thought to himself. Frowning some, he pushed himself off the bed and moved to unlock the door but stopped.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” He heard himself saying. “I just want you to leave.” He sounded pissed off, defiant. “Just go away.” He ordered. His tone matched the one he had used with Devon countless times when attempting to push his buttons. He doing the same to Josh, or trying to at the very least?

“You fuck around behind my back and you’re the one telling me to leave?” He asked more in disbelief then anything. “That’s a fucking riot.” He mumbled. “Open the door Justin.” He said again, trying to keep his voice in check. Last thing he wanted Justin to think he was going push him around again or something. He was still just beginning to process the idea of what Justin had gone through. It really was a lot to take in …

Placing his hand on the door, he just waited a moment. “Listen I’m not here to fight … I just want to talk to you.”

Justin heard him but rather then growing relieved, he grew angry. “Christ Josh … Your such a … Just … Go Away!” Now Justin was angry, why wasn’t Josh mad? Why wasn’t he screaming and yelling? He wanted Josh to ring him out, to be pissed off, why was this so impossible? He’d freak out just a few hours ago, why not again? This was what he had wanted along, someone to hurt him and someone to take care of him.

The dark haired man wasn’t going to get mad. He wasn’t going to yell, he wasn’t going to do more to Justin then what had already been done.

The teen was never one to be able to ask for hat he wanted. He tired to manipulate because he was scared. Only Josh took what he saw for what he it looked like.

Biting his bottom lip, he waited for some sort of answer but instead he was met with the sound of a door opening and then closing. Making a quick move to the door, he unlocked it before stepping back, standing there a moment he seemed to be waiting for Josh to walk in, though by this time it was just wishful thinking.

Why couldn’t Josh be that person he needed him to be? Better yet, why couldn’t Justin be smart enough to ask him to be? He hardly ever …

Just, fuck it.

Walking out into the living room, a moment Justin found his journal on the couch. Picking it up he frowned some. He wanted to punch himself out, moving back to the bedroom he closed to door before stretching out on the bed again.

~

Shoving the ripped paper deep into his pocket Josh reached the train station in record time. He had noticed the address during his first read through of Justin’s journal. He could only assume it was the asshole his boyfriend had been fucking around with. More like he hoped it was, Justin wasn’t giving it up and if this prick was willing to send pictures then maybe he was willing to talk.

Getting of at the second stop Josh’s eyes scanned the area he’d been here before. Frowning some he realized he wasn’t going to find this guy, least not on this block, it was mainly filled with clubs and bars. He’d loved it around here when he was single; no one cared who you fucked as long as you did fucked.

Looking at the address again as the male stepped out of the station he sighed some. It wasn’t as if these places had mailboxes with addresses on them. Biting his bottom lip he thought to act someone but it was around three in morning, there was no to ask, no one sober anyway. Heading down the street he thought to just walk, maybe he’d come up on someone or something.

Besides, if he remembered correctly there was only one club that had Justin supposed tastes. He’d never been there before but he’d heard about it and there was a first time for everything.

Shivering some, he walked to the end of block. Keeping an eye on the twinks, ranging from high and drunk Josh wondered for a moment what the fuck he was really doing here. No one was going to give him any answers, but again, maybe he’d find Devin here. Of course, he had no clue what he looked like, yeah this was a wonderful plan.

He had to do something though.

Showing his ID Josh walked into the club and looked around a moment. He’d never been in such a place before, not that it was a dive but it was different. Any gay club had guys on guys but not in such positions. Some were half-naked; others were in rather interesting positions. Looking around Josh practically blushed before averting his eyes to the bar and making a beeline for it. He’d been in plenty on clubs before but he just wasn’t comfortable here, first of all, he was alone and second of all, he had never known anything about the bondage scene. It wasn’t that he had anything against but some of it seemed a bit extreme.

The truth was though no one within the room seemed to be doing anything that was too bad. Yeah, some of them sat or kneed on the floor, a few guys were using others foot rests and such but that wasn’t what had his attention. Those that seemed in play were doing … OK, what was he doing here again?

Sounds of pain and pleasure could be heard throughout the club. Some people talked off to the side or at the bar. Others were out on the main floors, their activities ranged between taking a part in one bondage event or another or just watching.

Ordering a drink at the bar he got a look or two over but didn’t take notice, the bartend told him the drink was on him, which made the male uncomfortable more then anything. Over the next half-hour of so he sat at the end of the bar just watching everyone. He still hadn’t bothered to touch his drink, either because he was worried about getting waste or because he was more drawn to the events before him.

Part of him had forgotten about finding Devon, not that he would even know what to say if he were to find him. Sitting there, he began to truly take in what the others were doing. He watch one couple in particular who seemed to have many of others attention as well. They were off to the side, a small crowd forming around them. The younger of the two was tied down while the older, began doing things. Mainly the older was striking the other and within a shot time the younger seemed in a lot of pain.

Soon enough the couple became the center of the room. The scene grew more and more intense and Josh couldn’t and wouldn’t tear his eyes from them. He didn’t get it, he just didn’t understand but it was an erotic sight nonetheless.

After it was over the two seemed content, they hugged as a few approached them to talk. The young man’s eyes never left them, not once.

“You new or something?” Josh heard from just off to his left. The practically jumped out of his own skin and turned to see an older looking man sitting a seat down from him. Looking around a moment Josh wasn’t so sure it was him that the man was talking to, or rather he hoped it wasn’t him.

“Ya kid, you look like your about to piss yourself will you relax.” Finishing off his drink and ordering another the male got up and walked over towards Josh. Sitting down next to him, he offered his hand and a somewhat friendly smile. ‘Trust me boy, no one here is going to do anything o you that you don’t want.” He sounded as if he were trying to be nice or reassuring but Josh was finding him a little forward a creepy. Frowning some, he settled down again deciding he really had nowhere else to go.

Last thing he wanted was to be caught alone with some he didn’t know and didn’t trust.

“What’s wrong name?” The man asked.

Before saying anything the younger just took in the sight of the ran. His eyes ran over his face and he clothing. He was dressed in normal jeans and T-shirt he almost seemed… Normal. Man, which was rude, he didn’t mean that the others weren’t normal or anything. It was just what they did, he still didn’t get.

Licking his lips, he took another drink, his first actually before opening his mouth to answer. “Josh.”

“Nice to meet you then Josh, name’s Kyle.” With that, Kyle offered his hand and the dark-haired male shook it. “This your first time here?” He asked again. Josh just nodded. Laughing some the man just nodded, I guessed as much. You didn’t seem too comfortable since you walked in that door… Still though, you seemed to being enjoying the events.” Motioning towards the Master and slave that were still off towards the center of the room he laughed a second time.

“You were watching me?” Josh asked softly and the man merely nodded. “I like to keep an eye on who enters my club. Mainly I like to keep an eye on everything around here. It can get dangerous you know?” Taking another swing from his drink, he sighed. “Can’t be too careful.”

“Wait you mean …” But before Josh could finish the man was nodding his head. “Yeah, I know the place.”

“Do you know some guy name Devon?” The younger asked quickly. “I know he hangs out around here and I need to find to him.” Josh knew he sounded despite and he didn’t much care, he still needed answers and someone who was here every night just might be able to offer some. Besides, if the guy kept a close of an eye as he let on, he should have at least heard the name once or twice right.

The older gentleman just studied Josh for a moment before answering. Shaking his head, he gave half of a sarcastic laugh. “You don’t want to mess with him kid. Not if you’re serious about what you want.”

“Huh?”

“Devon’s just into the play for the sake of the pleasure, he isn’t into a relationship. He wouldn’t take of you like you should be taken care of …” At that, point Josh stood up. “I don’t want anyone to do anything for me.” He said snapped sounding bothered and bitter. “I just want some information. That asshole has been fucking my boyfriend and doing some really fucked up shit and I want to know why and how and since for how long.”

The man just raised his hands as Josh began to ramble.

However Josh kept going. “I mean honestly I don’t have any fucking clue what you people are doing here. I went from a normal relationship to seeing pictures of my boyfriend of two years tied down and beat in any position you could imagine. I don’t want to … I just don’t even …” The male was freaked out anyone could see that, his voice was getting louder and his eyes were wide. The reality was sinking in it seemed.

Kyle got up quickly and moved closer to Josh who back of obviously a little taken back. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Kyle said softly. “This is a heaven though; I can’t have you disrespecting those here OK?”

Josh was taken back a bit and just stared at the man for a second. Looking around again he found himself to now be the center of attention and he quickly sunk back into his seat turning towards the bar.