Dear…..
I’m not even sure who to write this letter to. The guys? The fans? Not a good way to start out a letter of regret, is it, not knowing who it’s to. Here, let me try again.
Dear whomever,
Yea. That works.
Staring out, depressed about what words I have to plead. So torn apart.
‘Nsync is over. There. I said it. It sucks, I know. It chokes me up, causes me honest to goodness physical pain to say it. But I have to. I never had a choice.
Shattered by impressions of confessions in defeat. My broken heart.
I didn’t want it to be over. No one ever asked me if I wanted to pursue a separate career. If one of them called me up and told me that we were all going to the studio together, I’d be there in a heartbeat. But I suppose it couldn’t have lasted forever.
Crying, desperate, fighting questions, scared to let go.
We made such a team, didn’t we? We had perfect harmony, amazing dance moves, we were, in a word or two, in sync. We even looked like we belonged together. The matching outfits, god those were the days, weren’t they? We were inseperable, anyone who saw us knew it. Things changed.
We used to be so beautiful. But the days go by and things get better.
That whole hiatus deal. What was that anyway? Was that originally what it was supposed to be? I hated having to say it, “We’re on hiatus, but don’t worry, we’ll get back together.” I said it so many times that I couldn’t even believe myself anymore. I’m sure you guys- fans, I mean- were tired of us jerking you around. Me too.
I’m weary from the war.
‘Nsync is part of who I am. Just look at any magazine article about me. JC of ‘Nsync. Not JC Chasez. My entire life for years was just ‘Nsync. Losing the group is like losing part of me. A part that I will never regain.
I’m losing half my soul. But the days go by and
Why did we break up? I could give you a step by step chronology, but everyone knows all that already. The reason? Who knows. I’ve tried to come up with one in my head, but none seem to really apply. Simply put, it just happened. Once that ball got to rolling, there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. Blame whoever you want. People simply just go in separate directions sometimes.
Past the point of reasons, I just want you to believe that it’s not your fault.
I cried. I’ll admit it. I cried. More than once. I got so lonely without them. I wanted so badly just to get back in the studio, go on tour again, anything, just so long as I didn’t have to endure a ‘hiatus’ anymore. I was depressed. Now? It’s more like a numbness.
Cry your eyes to sleep feels like a thousand rainy nights. Oh, drowning lows.
Sometimes I get nostalgic and look at an old picture. I have thousands of them. I keep most of the collection stowed away, but I have a picture or two on my mantel. I look at it and think about what an amazing time we had. Nothing in my life will ever top it. I just wish it could’ve lasted a little bit longer.
Photographs the ghosts of what we had come undone. Where did it all go wrong? But the days go by and things get better.
As soon as we separated, boom, we were off to find our own projects. With no time to waste, Lance was in Russia, Justin was recording, Joey was on Broadway, and Chris was working on FuMan. Took me a while, but it seemed that following suit was the only way. Pretending as if nothing wrong was going on seemed to work for everyone else. No one else got depressed. At least, they never admitted to it.
You harden like a stone to face the world alone. But the days go by and things get better.
We still made the occassional appearance together. An apology to the fans, sorry we’re not working together! A time where I could be the me that I’d been for years, the C of ‘Nsync. One by one those started to fade. At least I realized that all it was doing was giving a false hope. I let it slip at CFTC in Chicago that the event would be our last. Oops. It pained me to pretend that there was still something there, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.
Exhausted up apologies in search of something comforting. But the days go by and things get better.
I still had my doubts about being a performer when ‘Nsync started. I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else now, and I have the group to thank for thank. The guys made me realize my talent and encouraged me to exploit that. We gave it all we had, thank you to the fans for seeing that in us. We learned to live as a family, one who all supported each other no matter what and made our decisions together, even if it meant sacrificing personal concerns, no matter how great. Thank you to the guys for that.
Brought out the best and worst in me. You gave your all unselfishly. But the days go by and
Nothing in my life will ever replace the memories I made. Every recording session, every practice, every concert, every appearance will always play over in my head. Ask me to break out the choreography to any song and I will. What we had is something most people don’t ever see. Not the fame- the success, driven by a bond. Even if time forgets us, I won’t.
Oh I could never replace all the tenderest moments. They will always live right here inside me.
To the fans- I will continue to thank you for your support, until the day the very last ‘Nsync record leaves the shelf. You may have already let us go, but I thank you anyway, for the time that you did support us. To the guys- you will always be my family, my best friends. When and if I ever get married, don’t even bother to ask, I want you as my best men. And moreso, you will always be my bandmates. And that’s why I never wanted to write this.
My love will forever hold a place for you. That’s why I’m so confused, yea.
Don’t you wish it could have lasted? Don’t you wish ‘Nsync could have gone on forever? Magic. That’s what it was. I hope you find your own magic again. A different magic. When you find it, I’ll be happy for you. Truly. This isn’t the end, I say to myself, it’s the start of something new.
We used to be so beautiful, but the days go by and things get better.
So here I am, trying to figure out who I am. I had an identity. I lost it. My identity left me when the group did. The fact that I have a solo career shares the shit out of me. I’ve never been out there on my own. I’ve always had someone to lean on. Here I am, left to fend for myself. How can I, when I feel so empty?
I’m losing half my soul, to face the world alone. But the days go by and things get better.
It’s not like we had some big fight and said ‘I quit’. Quit was never a word any of us knew. There were so many times when we could have quit, when people wanted us to quit, but we didn’t. I’ve been secretly fighting it for years, but now it’s time to give in. You win. No. I’m not sure who wins. Maybe no one wins. It’s just not fair to anyone to call it a hiatus anymore. We deserve truth. So here I say it, much as no one wants to hear it. ‘Nsync is over.
We’re not the type to just give up but I know that’s it’s what’s best for us. The days go by and things get better.
We’ll still see each other every now and then. Not as much as we used to and not as much as I’d like to, but I’ll take all that I can get. We’ll each eventually find our own new niche, though it may take some time. As long as I know that you support me, I’ll be ok. Even if you don’t, I will always support you. If you ever need me, I am here.
We’ll pass some crossing roads, surviving on our own. But the days go by and…
May you find success and happiness whatever you do, and may ‘Nsync always live on in your hearts.
Truly yours,
JC
Completed
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