A Million Faces in a Crowd
Chapter 19

Carly rolled over as the alarm on her cell phone went off annoyingly. Her body resisted the urge to wake up and she cursed the reality of being in different time zones. It just wasn’t a natural thing for a sleep pattern. In fact, there was nothing close to a pattern. The more she dealt with it, the harder it got.

She carelessly rubbed the fatigue from her eyes, begging her body to wake up just a little. It wasn’t long before she did a mental check of where she was, what she was suppose to be doing and exactly what had happened with Gavin last night when she had arrived back in London.

Having never saw it coming, she cursed herself for getting into the position where he had an opportunity to do such a thing. They were friends yes, a little closer then most male and female friends but thought it was understood that that’s where it ended. She was in a committed relationship with a man she had grown to love more and more every day and he was nursing a broken heart from a woman who never thought he was good enough. It was a sad dynamic. A kiss might have only been a kiss but it was looked at as an interlude to more.

Finally pulling herself from the comfort of the hotel bed, Carly dragged her body into the bathroom, immediately going for the shower and turning on the water. She undressed and stepped in, letting the hot water pour onto her aching body, trying to clear her head.

She had a gnawing guilt sitting in the pit of her stomach all coming back to the man she loved the most. She knew she had to tell him and honestly had no idea how he’d take it. He’d been cheated on before and more than heartbroken with that and with the distance that came with their relationship, she knew no good could come from the news.

She contemplated calling him right then but mentally did a time check for L.A. and figured he’d be sleeping. This also wasn’t something you just blurted out. You had to ease into it. Not being there to tell him face to face was going to be hard. When you were in front of someone, you could take in their body language, judge the look on their face, maybe even hug them for reassurance. With this, that wouldn’t be the case-- unless she waited to tell him.

JC was only half of the problem. Carly had to figure out exactly what to say to Gavin, how to speak with him maturely and let it be known that she was happily taken. Last night after he’d kissed her, she’d been so shocked and pissed off, that she had shaken her head, shoved him less than kindly out her door and then slammed it shut. He knew he had crossed the line. Last night was not the time to get into the tirade she was about to begin with though. Sighing, she finished the last of her hygiene and stood against the hard, hot spray of the shower, praying that all the answers to her questions would just pour out.

****

Carly rolled her eyes as she stopped in front of the studio door. She really didn’t want to be here anymore. London was fine up until now and before last night, she saw herself missing the beauty of the being there. At this moment now, that wasn’t the case. She bit her tongue, pulling the door open, stopping herself from going on a tirade, cursing insanely at Gavin. She knew better. That wasn’t the way to go about this situation. Regardless of everything, she was a producer, a professional at that and she’d just have to learn how to swallow a little bit of her pride.

Stepping inside the room, she spotted Gavin warming up his voice with one of the sound techs they’d been working with. It was getting down to crunch time. His album had a deadline. Thankfully, when it was signed, sealed and delivered, she’d be on the first plane back to Chicago, or L.A. for that matter-- hopefully.

Gavin’s eyes shot up, guilty and sulking as soon as he spotted Carly. She rolled her eyes in return. This was going to be interesting.

“Morning.” He greeted her.

She nodded, no warmth to her voice. “Hey. You about ready?”

He turned to the sound tech who gave him a nod. “Yeah. Let’s get going.”

The other man turned to leave, leaving Carly and Gavin in the room by themselves. The tension was thick and it was only a matter of minutes before someone said something.

“So..” he began.

Taking a seat at the sound board, Carly tweaked several knobs and pushed a few buttons, getting everything ready for him to start recording. “Let’s get this started. Get in the sound booth.”

Gavin grumbled something under his breath and stood to walk to the booth but stopped right in front of Carly, staring at her steadily.

“I’m sorry about last night.”

She fought the urge to laugh in his face. “Good. You should be.”

He shifted his weight from one foot to another, placing his hands in the pockets of his jeans nervously. “I just.. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Well you should have used your head Gavin. You know I have a boyfriend.”

“I know you do. It’s just-- I’m sorry again okay? I hadn’t seen you in a while and then you were there, looking all cute and vulnerable and I just went with it. I really like you. I know that’s stupid of me and a lame ass excuse, it’s just---whoever your boyfriend is better realize how lucky he is.”

Her response took him off guard. “I’m sure he does.”

“You just never really talk about him. It was easier for me to picture you single.”
She did roll her eyes again right then and there, making sure he saw how ridiculous his excuse was. “I choose to keep my love life to myself, thank you.”

“Look, I said I was sorry. I know it doesn’t take it back. I just wish--wish things were different.” He whispered the last part.

“You need to know that it cannot, and will not happen again, Gavin. I’m fine with being your friend but not when you cross lines like that. My boyfriend and I are apart more than we are together and I’m sick to my stomach with the guilt of even telling him. It’s not like I can be there to reassure him this won’t happen again. I work with you.”

Gavin shrugged his shoulders carelessly. “Don’t tell him.”

Carly’s eyes got wide with anger but she bit her lip in thought but then quickly came to her senses. “I can’t not tell him.”

“Sure you can. Forget it happened. Let it be. Don’t mention it.”

Shaking her heard, she went back to the sound board. “That’s not how real relationships work, Gavin.”

He held his hands up, dramatically. “Well excuse me. You know everything. We all know I’m the best at fucking those up.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get in the sound booth. We have deadlines.”

He walked forward to the booth, muttering to himself. “I’m aware of the deadlines thank you very much.”

“Good, then lets hurry it up. This is the last place I want to be right now.”

He turned back to look at Carly right before walking into the booth. “Well don’t let me keep you from your precious boyfriend.”

Sighing hard, Carly bit her lip to prevent her come back. The whole situation wasn’t even worth it. Gavin wasn’t worth it. Boarding a plane couldn’t come soon enough.

***

They worked long and late in the studio, trying to perfect everything they possibly could. The tension had seemed to settle a little but was still floating around every now and then. Carly would give him direction and he’d snap back at her but she figured he was just feeling stupid for his actions last night.

Gavin had the type of personality similar to a small child. If he didn’t get what he wanted, he usually had some pathetic ploy to fire back with. Carly took his complaints as they came, wanting nothing more than to get finished--as finished as possible so she could leave and not look back on London or Gavin or anything to do with him for a very long time.

***

She paced her hotel room, taking time to tighten her pony tail she had just made, and randomly stop in front of the window, overlooking all of London at night. Looking over at the lounge chair, she stared hard at her cell phone, mentally cursing herself. She hadn’t talked to JC all day, he knowing she’d be working hard since she had been away. The mental argument had multiplied since she had been done for the day and came back, knowing that this time now was perfect to speak to him.

Carly tried to find the right words, tried to wonder if he’d get mad, or be upset. They hadn’t crossed that line in their relationship yet and until now, she was convinced that just maybe they could avoid it. Not a short time later, her heart won the argument against her brain and thoughts and she soon found herself picking up the silver object and hitting the speed dial connected to him. Tossing herself on the edge of the bed, she bit her lip as she waited for it to ring.

“Hey babe! I was hoping you’d call.”

She smiled. Just the sound of his voice was the perfect ending to a stressful day. “Here I am.”

“How did today go? Did you get a lot done?’’

She shifted her weight and crossed her legs. “Yeah we did. We were in the studio the entire day. I’m hoping we’re about done.”

“That’s great babe. You can come back home.”

She arched an eye brow, wishing she was there to see his face. “Where’s home Jace?”

“I wish it were L.A. with me, Carly Anne.” His voice was so sure, so strong.

“Jace…” She wasn’t expecting such a blunt offer. Maybe she could tell him about the whole Gavin thing a little later.

“What babe?”

“It’s so fast.”

“Is it Carly? I know you enough to know I love you, that I’m in love with you. This game we keep playing is killing me. I know it’s your job but still, it doesn’t stop me from wondering what it’d be like to wake up next to you every morning in my bed and not have to drive you to the airport all the time or fly to wherever you are. I just…”

“Don’t. Don’t do this when I’m not even in the same country as you. You know I love you too. I’m just too tired to explain why it’s too soon and I might say yes if you keep up all this sweet talk.”

JC laughed a little, thankfully lightening the mood. “Maybe I should keep talking then.”

“Ugh. You’re cruising for trouble Mr.”

“And just what kind of trouble would that be?” he asked, arching an eye brow though she couldn’t see.

“The kind where I kick your ass.”

He let out a cross between a scoff and a laugh. “Sassy pants is back.”

“Whatever, Chasez.”

“Are you alright? You seem kind of all over the place tonight.”

Bringing her left hand up to her head, she tried to rub soothing circles against the skin. “I’m fine. Just.. tired. What have you been up to?”

“Um, I’ve just been hanging out with Tyler. We thought about going home to see our parents. Don’t know if we’re going to go though.”

“Aw, that sounds fun! You should go!”

“I’m actually waiting to here back about a producing gig.”

Her ears perked up. She was excited for him. “Oh yeah? That’s great Jace.”

“Thanks. So you won’t miss me if I go to Florida?”

She giggled, then rolled her eyes over his antics. “I never said that. You know I miss you.”

“Aw, you really do care. I knew it.” He mocked.

“Oh please.” She was silent for a moment, the pressure laying thick.

“Carly?”

“I’m here. I’ve just-- I need to tell you something.”

He was silent for a second, almost like he knew what she was about to say wasn’t good news. It was just a kiss, Carly told herself. It’s not like she slept with the guy. They could get through this.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

She sighed, already melting at his simple endearment. “Promise me you won’t get mad?”

“I can’t promise unless I know what you’re going to tell me.”

“Just promise me. And know that I love you and only you.”

He sighed heavily. “Alright…”

“So I got home last night, late and was exhausted as the day is long. Went directly back to my suite and Gavin called. He seemed-- I don’t know, upset or annoyed about something. Next thing I know he’s at my door, all excited to see me.”

She took a deep breath, standing now and pacing the room. Deep breaths, she told herself. JC on the other end of the phone was stoic and his breathing was even but she knew he wanted her to continue. “And?”

“So he comes it, is venting about one of the other producers and what not and I let him know that I need to get to bed if he expects me to function tomorrow in the studio and he goes to hug me goodbye and lingers for a little bit. Next thing I know, he pulls away from the hug and he’s kissing me.”  Carly held her breath as the last words slipped out.

She could hear a small gasp on the other end of the line and was already regretting being so damn far away. It was now multiplied. “He kissed you?” His voice was full of surprise.

“Yes.” A simple confirmation. It was hard to breathe.

“He fucking kissed you, Carly?” This time there was some edge to his voice, almost like he was accusing her.

“Yes, Jace. Don’t ask me why.”

“What did you do?”

Her heart rate was quickened. This was headed for disaster. “What do you think I did, Jace? I pushed him away, and told him to leave. I don’t know what the hell he was thinking.”

“I knew my intentions were right when I had a bad feeling about that guy.”

“And what’s that suppose to mean?” Carly snapped back.

“Exactly what it sounds like. He’s had a thing for you since day one.”

Carly scoffed. “I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure I was a bitch to him for like the first few days.”

“Obviously not enough to let him know you where you stand with your boyfriend.”

“Damnit, Jace. Don’t do this. I let him know I had a boyfriend. I mention you all the time.”

“So what, he just missed you so bad that he had to come to your room at all hours of the night and randomly kiss you?”  

“I don’t know. Maybe he was drunk Jace.  I don’t know but I can tell you it meant nothing. And believe me when I tell you that I laid down the law this morning when we began working. I hope you don’t think I’d just let something like that breeze by.”

“You yelled at him?”

“Uh yeah, I did. He’s a friend. Plain and simple. Well--he’s lucky if he can even call himself that anymore.”

“I hate being so far apart.” His voice softened.

“Me too Jace. It’s over and done with though. I just-- I knew I had to tell you. I didn’t know how you’d react.”

“How am I suppose to react, Carly? You’re my girlfriend  and you’re gorgeous and sexy and sometimes you fail to see that about yourself. And your on the other side of the world working with a man who thinks it’s okay to kiss a girl who’s committed to someone. It’s not right. I’ve been down this road before.”

Carly stopped in front of the window again, trying to get lost in the picture painted in front of her. The reality of this was just all too much, still she had a point to prove. “I’m not her, Joshua.”

He let out a shaky breath and it met hear ears quickly and she wished she was by his side, reassuring him more than ever right about now. “I know that, Carly.”

“Do you? I hope you know me better than that. Like I said, I love you. I’m committed to you! This is a business situation or I’d be on the first plane back to L.A. Yes, L.A. with you because it’s where I want to be. You’ve just got to trust me.”

He was quick to answer. “I do.”

“You’d better, because this will never work if you don’t.”

“I do. It’s just hard. Its bad enough being away from you. Now I have to paint the picture of this ass whole kissing you, thinking it’s okay.”

“Trust me. He knows its not okay. I think he’s even a little afraid of me now.”

JC finally let out the smallest laugh and it went right to Carly’s heart. He was relaxing, at least a little. “Afraid of my own little sassy pants? Now why doesn’t this surprise me?”

She laughed right back with him. “Because it’s true and that’s just how I am. It’s a gift. I can’t help it.”

“You are a gift babe.”

“Are we gonna be okay, Jace?”

He let out another sigh, this time hopefully from relief. “Yeah. I think we’ll be fine. This will just be a whole lot easier when you’re not in London.”

“I know.”

“Do you know how much longer you’ll be there?”

“I’m not one hundred percent sure yet. I know we’re really behind which is why we worked all day today. I know Gavin wants me to re-do some of the stuff they did while I was gone. It’s getting to be a ticking count down.”

“Ugh, just his name pisses me off.”

“Don’t Jace. This is strictly business. Forget it even happened.”

“Yeah right, Carly. How would you feel if I kissed another woman?”

She was silent for a moment, contemplating. “Ugh fine. I see your point.”

He snickered a little. “Told you.”

“I need to get to bed, Chasez.”

“I wish I could hold you as you slept.”

“Me too. But you did that the night before last.” She reminded him.

“And it was heaven.”

“You romantic sap. You’re not making this any easier on me.”

“Fine. Go to sleep. I love you, Carly Anne.”

She softly kissed the receiver of her phone. “I love you too, Jace. I’ll call soon.”

“Yeah. Alright.”

Just as he was about to hang up her voice drew him back. Carly refused to end the conversation without letting him be very sure that she meant what she had said.

“Hey--.”

“Yeah?” he asked.

“I’m serious Jace. It meant absolutely nothing to me at all and never will. I love you so much and no one can take that away from me. Believe me when I say I’d leave if I could but this is business only. I can’t blow something this big when I’m trying to be someone. You have to understand but like I said, I love you.”

She could tell he was smiling. “Okay. I understand. And I love you too, so much. I‘m sorry I‘m being all macho about this.”

“It’s fine. I know this is hard but we’ll get through it. You’ll see.”

“Night, baby.”

“Night, Jace.”

***

The week just kept getting worse! Carly growled as she slammed the studio door shut, walking out the hallway and hitting the down button on the elevator. She had had enough of Gavin!

He’d started off the day, coming in and insisting the last song they had recorded didn’t sound right and didn’t have the right techs to his specifications. Much to Carly’s annoyance, that meant that they had to tank the entire song and start from scratch, all to his snooty specifications. Sometimes she felt like a door mat. The guy was hard headed and wanted things his way-- she was there to do his dirty work.

His mood had also seemed to go sour once he realized that she wasn’t backing down and falling into her arms. It was almost as if she had to continually remind him that whatever friendship they once had was squashed. She was there for business and business only.

They worked, long and hard, on Carly’s insistence and reminding him that she wanted a good album for him but she wanted it done and done now. He seemed to follow her lead and do the work but not without throwing a cocky remark in here and there. Even with her witty and sassy personality, his constant snapping and whining had her wearing thin at the moment. And to top it off, Gavin had informed her that they were bringing in another producer to help speed up the process. They had already passed their first moment of ‘crunch time’ and having an extra two hands would hopefully speed up the process.

Carly officially needed a break!

Stepping out into the late evening summer air, she sighed deeply and it waited for it to calm her down just a little. She needed a moment to herself, not dealing with anything musical. Some sense of self. Being hauled up in a recording studio with a man she was growing to strongly dislike was wearing her thin. She picked up her phone and sighed when she realized she had no missed calls.

Her nightly chats with JC seemed to lessen, the more hectic her schedule became. They’d sent the occasional text messages back and forth and sometimes, it was all Carly needed to get through the day. She was happy he didn’t hover over the subject of Gavin but was sure to make sure everything was going well and that he hadn’t once again tried to cross the boundaries.

It was almost a pestering feeling having her boyfriend check up on her but she tried to see it from his point of view. In a way, it was kind of cute and made Carly miss JC even more. In other ways it clawed at her patience.

Checking her watch, she drug herself back into the studio doors and headed in the direction up to the seventh floor. She could feel a headache coming on and her body ached. She needed a strong alcoholic drink to relax her and normally she avoided those beverages whenever possible. This was an exception. Gavin was an exception for a lot of things.

She pushed the up arrow and waited for the doors to open, lost in her mood. Once it dinged, Carly drug herself in carelessly, not seeing the man standing inside, holding a brown leather bag and accidentally walked right into him.

She looked up, hearing a light chuckle, embarrassed and immediately apologizing when the scent of the small space caught her senses. She knew that scent anywhere. Suddenly her heart rate quickened, feeling warm arms holding her elbows steady. The touch was familiar too. Looking up, her brain made the connection, falling into the sky blue eyes and trying her hardest to find words, any words, all begging for an explanation.

“Jace?”