JC swallowed nervously for what seemed like the millionth time as he held the phone close to his ear. He could hardly believe who was on the other line and wanted to keep her there for as long as he could. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the shattering feeling running through his body. It seemed every word that he may or may not say could make or break his future with Carly.

"How are you honey?"

"Okay. Good to be home, ya know?"

JC nodded to himself but the words hurt a little. He had hoped she would one day refer to California as home. Instead, he tried to be happy for her.

"I'm glad. It's been a while for you."

"Yeah it has. I couldn't believe how big Ava has gotten." Carly said, referring to her niece.

"I bet."

Silence hung in the air. JC didn't know where to start.

"I hate this." He finally whispered.

"It's the way it's gotta be right now, Jace."

He ran a hand through his unruly hair, the stress lines in his forehead duplicating by the second.

"Why does it have to be this way Carly? I'm having a hard time understand this."

"I just need time. Things got so screwed up somewhere along the way."

"Then dammit, tell me how to unscrew them."

At her heavy sigh, JC realized he was getting nowhere.

"You can't just flip a switch and fix things JC. It doesn't work that way."

He was becoming aggravated quickly. Suddenly, he felt like it didn't matter what he said. She was going to be head of this show.

"Dammit Carly, I'm trying here. You've gotta help me out just a little. I'm so fucking blind sided by this whole thing that I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"I don't know where so start JC but if your going to get mad, this conversation will go nowhere."

He scoffed. "How in the hell can I not be mad? I fly home to make sure my girlfriend, whom I love the hell out of is safe and sound, only to find out she was out all night with another man, drinking and then she ends up sleeping in the same bed as him only to come home and have her tell me she wants to take a break? This makes no sense to me Carly."

"First of all, Gavin is a friend and don't you dare bring him into this equation. I've done nothing- and I mean nothing that would even remotely fall into the unfaithful category JC. Secondly, had I had someone else to be with on my birthday, maybe it wouldn't have happened."

JC scoffed. She was looking to pick a fight and suddenly this had all been turned to him.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean Carly? This is all my fault?"

"I never said that JC!" Her voice went up an octave and the mask she wore was quickly coming down.

"It's what you think though isn't it? I couldn't be home for your birthday so you were forced to go out and have a little fun of your own?"

"Oh yeah. That's exactly it, Jace." Carly said sarcastically.

"Then tell me what's going on here."

She sighed heavily into the phone. "I don't know JC."

Suddenly aggitated, JC had wondered what the reason for this phone call was. She seemed in no mood to talk to him, to explain things and he didn't even know where to began guessing.

"Well you know what Carly? This is killing me inside. I'm too damn far away from you to make things right between us and if you don't help me, I can't do anything to make this better so I guess when you decide, you can let me know."

He didn't wait for a response. He didn't wait to see if she made any kind of noise on the other end of the line. JC simply pulled the phone from his ear and ended the conversation. He might have felt like he had the last word but Carly would never see his bloodshot eyes on the verge of spilling over with tears.

For all he knew, his relationship with Carly had fallen apart and their'd be no pieces left to pick up. He only hoped he'd survive.

****
Carly walked back into the family room trying to hide her tired eyes that she'd just wiped free of tears. Too bad her sister could see right through her.

"I take it didn't go well, huh?" Cassidy asked from her place on the couch.

Shrugging, Carly plopped down beside her, reaching over to run a hand over the baby in her sisters lap.

"Let me guess. Your defenses got the best of you?"

Carly scoffed and glared at her sister. "You know, sometimes I wish you didn't know me so damn well. It's annoying."

"I'm your sister. Its my job." Cassidy said, giving her a sympathetic smile. "So what happened?"

"I don't know exactly. I called, ready to try and work things our or at least start somewhere and I panicked. I could tell he was tired and confused about all this which made me feel even worse when in the end I just want to be mad at him for a while."

"Well it was kind of out of left field wasn't it? Last time I talked to you, you guys were doing so well."

Carly continued to stare at her niece in awe. "We were."

"Soooo?" Her sister pressed on.

"I don't even know Kassidy. Things have been so up and down from day one. We're never together long enough to be like your typical couple. It seems things are fine and then something comes up between us. I fought so hard, so damn hard not to be in love with that man. I just never saw it happening."

"Uh, Carly? I thought you knew that love doesn't have a place and time. Sometimes it just happens. And you can't help who you love. It doesn't work that way. And if you love JC, you damn well better figure out what it is thats bothering you so bad, hash it out with JC and work through it. I know JC loves you through thick or thin."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Carly let a few tears slid down her green eyes. "I'm scared."

Kassidy grabbed her hand in hers. "Of what?"

"This distance. Oh trusting someone like this. Of putting my life in the hands of someone else to make me happy, to make him happy. Relocating my life. It's all been one big storm."

"He's not Carter, Carly." Her sister said, referring to her ex.

Carly's breath hitched in her throat, unable to meet her sisters gaze. It had been so long since she'd thought of him. "I know he's not Kassidy."

"I know theres more to this, little sister. I think you need to stop wallowing in your own sorrow, get over whats bothering you and let JC in on all of this. If he loves you like I know he does or like your smile tells me he does, call him and try to talk to him. Don't let that damn wall you have stand in the way of telling him what you really want to say. Love can't be one sided and if you sprung this on him out of nowhere, I don't blame the man for being confused. He's probably hurting just as you are Carly."

"Alright. I get it." Carly finally snapped. Wiping her tears, she continued to stare back at her niece, sleeping peacefully in her sisters arms.

"What's wrong?" Cassidy asked, confused. She'd be staring with a far off look in her eyes.

"Nothing." She shot back quickly.

"You've got a look in your eyes. Kinda far off and dreamy looking."

Carly shrugged. "I don't know what your talking about."

"Are you pregnant?" Kassidy asked abruptly.

Expecting her sister to bite her head off, Carly did just the opposite. She calmly shook her head. "No Kass, I'm not."

Kassidy didn't miss her personality change. "Do you want to have kids someday, Carly?"

"I didn't think I did but I keep catching myself having these little thoughts.. ever since..." She trailed off, catching herself.

Her sisters ears perked up. "Ever since what?"

"Nothing. Just, nothing." Carly began to stand.

"Sit. Now." Her sister ordered.

Carly knew there was on backing down on what she was about to say. Her sister knew pretty much every important detail of her life so this wouldn't be any different. Not to mention the fight was just about wrung out of her.

"It's nothing. When I was in the hospital with the whole appendix thing, the nurse asked if I was pregnant or not. I didn't think I was but there was always that possibility. We've always been careful but I didn't know. Anyways, the test came back negative and I let it fall by the wayside. What I didn't know was that JC has heard the nurse ask and when he finally asked me, I was almost disappointed to tell him I wasn't. I guess I just felt some kind of loss. I couldn't really read the look on his face to see if he to was relived or disappointed and it just got me thinking."

"Wow. I've never heard you talk like that. If it's any consolation, I think you'd be an amazing mother. I see how you are with Ava and things just come naturally with you. I haven't spent any time with JC--"

"That's another thing that bothers me. I wished he'd be here and meet everyone. The family's opinion means a lot to me. It's almost Thanksgiving. I don't want to be alone."

"He's a busy man and you know it. Don't think his own family doesn't miss him. But as I was saying-- I'm sure he'd be a good father. I think it's love when you can picture the man you're with as a father to your children."

Carly instantly began to well up again. "I don't know. A child means forever to me."

"You don't think he wants to marry you?"

Carly shrugged. "I don't know how he'd want to after all of this."

Kassidy wrapped a shoulder around her sisters arms. "Go home and do nothing for the day. Clear your head and then call him."

***

Carly lay in bed wide awake for what seemed like forever. She tossed and turned, unable to find solace. Her eyes were tired and her heart lay heavy against her chest. The tears were nearly wrung out of her eyes and it was eating away at her not to pick up the phone laying on her bedside stand. The loft seemed cold without his presence and no matter how many times she told herself she didn't need him to fall asleep in a peaceful slumber, she was lying to herself. The mental arguments ran through her head like scenes from a movie as she tried to hash out what she wanted from her relationship with JC. Her thoughts were drawn back to the times he'd slept in her bed when they were just friends and how the presence and scent of him seemed to to overtake her whole thought process and make her feel safe and warm. Carly knew better than that though. She wasn't with him for those reasons alone but for several million more that had nothing to do with protection. He's always had a certain kind of love and respect for her that never failed to shine through. She'd been cold hearted and a woman who'd been hurt and life and may not have always been as warm as he had in return but he never stopped trying. He never stopped loving. No matter what.

She tried to picture him, laying in his hotel room, in a plain white t-shirt and his favorite plaid pajama pants that he'd come to wearing when it was cold out and wanted nothing more than to curl up against his chest. She recalled the times he'd sit up in bed, through out the days of their friendship, glasses perched on his nose as he'd read or catch up on e-mails with is laptop in his lap and she was completly content to lay against him and simply feel. Little things like that were taken from her in recent days by the demand of his career. She wondered what it'd be like for the two of them to have a nine to five job and not be constantly telling each other goodbye and flying here or there but spending a full weekend together doing nothing but what they wanted. It was then she finally realized she had been selfish. Part of her told Carly she had the right but a part of her felt like she needed to tell JC. She wanted a life with him. All he had to do was ask. Giving it up over the demand of a career was something she didn't think she had the strength to do.

Her thoughts went back to the JC now, laying in his hotel room, probably broken and hurting. Or knowing him, he could still be plugging away in the studio. He worked late nights, being the perfectionist he was. What if he had had enough of her games and decided they weren't worth fighting for? He was in New York and it would be simple for him to go out to a party and find another woman for the night with far less complications that she brought. What if he was with another woman right now?

Carly reached for her cell phone but her grip quickly loosened.. She tried to tell herself to stop thinking. Stop assuming.

Forgetting everything for just a second, she hit the speed dial number that dialed his number and waited, all the while holding her breath.

The phone rang once, twice before a soft, tired sounding JC answered. "Hello?"

Her breath hitched in her throat. "Did I wake you?"

JC instantly cleared his throat. "No you didn't. I can't sleep."

It was weird but it made her happy to see he was in the same state. "Me either."

Carly didn't know where to begin. She still couldn't play off how he was taking her calling him. She needed him to make the first sign that it was okay that she was calling him.

"Talk to me Carly." He said, and instantly her heart skipped in her chest.

She tried but couldn't prevent tears from clogging her throat and instantly spilling over. "I'm sorry, Jace."

"Hey, come on babe. Don't do this to me."

"I need to. I needed to tell you I'm sorry for all of this. For not knowing, for putting you through this pain."

"Obviously the blame isn't all on you or we wouldn't be here honey."

"I know. I should have just told you."

"So tell me now. We need to take this time and talk it through. It just won't help when you get defensive and put up that wall, Carly."

"I know Jace." She sniffled. "I hate that about myself. And I'm surprised you even want to speak to me again. I look back on all of the times I was so horrible to you, for no reason...and--."

"You were protecting youself, Carly. Stop appoligizing." He interrupted.

"You still didn't deserve it."

"I'm glad you see it that way honey. We can only start over."

Carly smiled then despite the tears spilling down her cheeks. "We can?"

JC smiled to himself too even though she couldn't see him. "You don't think I'd give you up do you? Not over this."

Her emotions seemed to get the best of her. "I love you Jace. So much is scares me sometimes."

Carly could have swore she heard him sniffle himself. "I love you too, Carly. I think what we need is a long, long conversation. We've got some talking to do. I need to see your side and you need to see my side and think maybe we'll be able to meet in the middle."

Again she sniffled. "Maybe?"

"Scratch that. Not maybe. I know we will."

"If you're sure.."

"I think we owe it to ourselves to try honey."

"Alright, Jace."

"Where are you?" He asked abruptly.

"In Chicago. At the loft."

"Oh..."

"Why?"

"Just wondering. How's the family?"

"They're good." Carly sighed. She knew the answer she'd probably get but Carly knew she needed to try. She needed this for the two of them as a whole. "I know it's a long shot but my family is having Thanksgiving in a few days..."

JC let out a long shaky sigh and Carly knew the his response wasn't going to be a good one. "Don't for a second think I don't want to be there with you, Carly. We've got a meeting with the record exects to finalize everything and to go over all of the legal glitches."

Her response was soft. "Okay..."

"I promise I'll find the time soon, honey."

She instantly flashed back to her previous thoughts. He was putting out a CD soon and it'd only be the beginning. The distance would continue, the constant flying here to there, the nights alone, the long empty phone calls. She wondered exactly how long she could keep up with this.

"Alright, Jace."

He could tell he had upset her but he honestly had no idea what to do. He'd offered to pull the plug on the whole thing but no matter what, she had always told him to keep at it, that it'd be worth in in the long run. His stress within the recent days constantly questioned that.

"Are we alright, Carly?"

She felt better about the situation but nothing was set in stone. Trying to push the fact that he wasn't their to work it out by the way side, Carly tried to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"I hope we can get there, Jace."

He knew uncertainty when he heard it and her voice was definitely laced full of it. Had it been any other thing, JC swore he would have found a way to get out of it but he was already treading on thin ice as it was.

"Me too. Should I let you go so you can sleep?"

Her voice was still faint. "Sure."

He didn't want to let her go but with the lack of sleep, his words would be on an emotional turmoil and they'd get nowhere. "I love you Carly Anne. I'll call you soon, okay?"

"Okay."

It stung but she hadn't said she loved him back. He knew he was in deep water. "Carly?" He asked, waiting, hoping maybe she'd say it.

"Yeah?" When her sigh came across his ears, he knew it was pointless.

"Never mind. Goodnight."

Ending the conversation, JC pictured her laying there in the loft alone and wanting nothing more than to be there to hold her. He remembered the times at the beginning of their friendship where they'd slept in the same bed and he wanted nothing more than to be close to her. He'd went through mental wars, telling himself he didn't love Carly like he thought he did but was glad it was a battle they both had lost. Now the only thing on his mind was how he had another battle to make it through.

***
Carly walked into her sisters house, dishes of food and dessert filled in her arms. The smell of turkey wafted through her senses as she walked further into the room. The house was full of voices, hearing her family chatting animatedly. She was glad to be home but still couldn't fill the void in her heart. Last night was bittersweet. Her conversation with JC let her get a tiny part of her emotional turmoil out in the open but still hadn't soothed the fire. Carly did her best not to miss him and resent him because he had a time consuming career.

She just wondered if he continued in the same musical path, if they'd ever share a holiday together. It wasn't in her blood, nor was it fare to ever resent him for that. An empty feeling sat in the pit of her stomach. She tried to keep her head up and be thankful for what she had.

Taking her time, she accepted the hugs from her family as they all passed by her, making their way through the house. When she finally reached her sister, Kassidy didn't let go right away.

"Doing any better?" Her sister asked.

Carly tried to smile. Her family didn't need her dragging them down. Besides, her life in LA was a world away from the one she lived in Chicago.

"I'm hanging in there. Enough about me though.. Happy Thanksgiving."

Kassidy smiled. "You too, little sis."

Carly had little time to think as her parents rushed in and hugged her. They may have been divorced but they were friends and holidays meant family times were always together.

"We're glad you're here, baby." Carly's mother said as she hugged her.

Holding her face high, she smiled. She had missed her parents. "Me too Mom."

Walking through the dinning room, Carly smiled at her niece that never failed to make her smile. Suddenly she remembered what thanksgiving was about. Being home with family and friends and being thankful for what she did have. She realized her love life would have to fall to the way side, if only for today. Her family didn't need the weight of he problems and stress even though they all loved her unconditionally. All she wanted was to push the empty feeling aside and enjoy the moment for what it was.

Taking a seat at the table, she looked around at all the place settings.

"I didn't realize so many people were coming."

Her brother looked at her and smiled warmly. "You know how it goes. The family seems to get bigger every year."

"Apparently."

Kassidy came in, arms full of dishes and place settings. "Wanna help me finish setting the table?"

Nodding, Carly accepted the things from her sister. "Really? Ten of us?"

Waving it off, her sister nodded. "Why don't you go relax and mingle with people. You're never home."

Feeling defeated, she turned to walk away. Entering the living room, she had to smile. Kassidy had decorated the house, filled with the theme of warmth, and she knew coming home was the right choice. It warmed her heard to see her cousins and niece playing happily. Her brother in-law and older brother laughing over football with a friend.

Her breath hitched for a second, catching a familiar scent, one that she'd recognize anywhere. She scanned the living room slowly once again only to find her eyes had let her down. Mentally kicking herself, Carly decided she was losing it. Her head just wasn't in the right place. Maybe busying herself with preparing the food with her Mom and sister would help pacify the time.

Turning around, her eyes shot up as she almost crashed into a solid form. She blinked, once, twice- sure that her eyes were deceiving her. Her heart rate quickened and she stumbled backwards, looking up into the most gorgeous blue eyes she'd ever seen in her life.

"Jace? But you- you said--.."

He smiled, one that belonged to him alone. "Happy Thanksgiving, honey."