A Million Faces in a Crowd
Chapter 41.
The end pt. 2
Carly's eyes ached. No, take that back- they burned. She let out a breath of frustration for the hundredth time as she got up and paced the length of the room. It had been the longest week of her life ever since she'd hung up the phone with JC. Her anger had got the best of her once again, causing everything she felt she believed in and was sure of to crumble to pieces. After their argument last week, Carly had been anything but sympathetic with JC, refusing his calls and not making any of her own. She was angry at him for amusing that her life would be put on hold while he was off doing the exact same thing while he had expected her to tow along like some piece of luggage.
She'd went back and forth a dozen times, trying to make the right decision, trying to decide which direction to go. She'd just been handed one of the biggest opportunities of her career, giving her the the chance to see the world, to use her creativity on other things besides songwriting and producing, to venture into bigger and better things and too see herself to her full potential. Moving to L.A. had opening many doors for her, all in which she'd done on her own with her own producing talents and that said a lot for her dignity considering the man she went to sleep with almost every night.
JC...Carly loved him beyond words but found herself wondering if that was enough to keep them together. She had been hurt by his selfish assumptions and was beginning to wonder if it would always be like this when he was away. She'd put up her wall again and believed she could survive without him. She preferred the the behind the scenes of the music while he was a born talent to be seen by people. His music deserved it. She'd tried proving that to him time and time again and where was he now? Trying to start all over with his career doing just that. Being in the same business seriously sucked. Music is what brought them together and here it was pulling them apart. They'd been through so many up's and downs in their relationship. It seemed this one had come at full force and she didn't know if she had the strength to get back up again.
"Carly!" Someone spoke, shaking her from the deep thoughts she'd been in.
Turning her head almost stoickly, she turned to see her sister.
"What Kass?"
"You need to snap out of this. I hate seeing you like this."
Carly ran a hand over her tired face. "Trust me, I'm trying."
"Have you called him yet?"
Running her fingers over the buttons of her cell phone, she scrolled through her contacts but didn't dial. "No. I don't know if I'm going to."
"Carly, he deserves to know." Kassidy said, as she stood and grabbed her sisters suitcase.
"Yeah yeah.. Thank you reminding me for the tenth time."
"Come on. You're going to be late."
***
JC paced the dimly lit hallway, eagerly looking at his cell phone. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd called Carly, each time not receiving any kind of answer. It'd been days since he'd last talked to her and it was killing him.
They'd had little arguments like this before, hell they'd been on so many roller coasters he'd lost count. But for some reason, this particular argument seemed to affect her more than he thought. He realized his words had been selfish, had been spoke without thinking of all sides but it didn't matter. For all he knew, he could have ruined everything. On the third day of trying to call her and not getting her to pick up, he began to panic. He had every intention of dropping everything and flying home but he'd been warned if he left, he'd forfeit everything he'd been working on. Not to mention had his first solo show not been so soon, JC was positive he wouldn't have even hesitated to leave and get to Carly to make it right. For all he knew though, she'd agreed to go on tour with Gavin, not even giving him a second thought. After all, he was about to go on tour himself if he continued to be dragged around like a puppet on strings.
But here he was, his hands sweating like crazy, and seven days later--getting ready for his first solo show. He took a second, leaving Carly what seemed like the millionth voice mail, letting her know that he was stupid, that he hadn't been thinking when he got angry and he'd do whatever he could to find a happy medium with things and he ended with the one thing that was running through his mind all day--dropping subtle hints that he needed her to be at his show tonight. Out of anyone, she was the only one that would put him at ease.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried so hard to push away the sick feeling in that had made a home in the pit of his stomach. Taking a deep breath, he went into the dressing room that had been given to him for the night. He took a seat on the couch across the room, rolling up his sleeves and burying his face in his hands. He realized that by each second that passed, he was slowly falling apart. He was being dragged into a career he didn't want to do and now he might have just destroyed his relationship with his fiancée.
A light knock on his door had him on his feet in no time. Without even hesitating, he opened it only to see Matt on the other side of it. Instantly, his heart fell and the feeling in his stomach returned.
"Hey man, how you holding up?"JC laughed, almost disgusted. Matt knew what was going on and tried to offer advice as a friend only for it to do little help.
"Not good." He shrugged.
"Still no word from her?"
Shaking his head, JC turned around to return to his place on the couch.
"She'll call man. I know it. Give her time."
"It's been a week Matt. I obviously really fucked things up."
"I know Carly loves you. She's wearing your ring Jace. That stands for something."
"I have no proof she even still has it on. Hell for all I know, she could have moved out and be back in Chicago."
Matt went to sit beside his friend. "Dude, you're beating yourself up about this way too much. I know she's got more class than that. I highly doubt she'd walk out of your life and leave you high and dry without any kind of explanation. You can't be in a committed relationship like the two of you have been in and just up and quit. Even I know her better than that."
JC actually listened intently to Matt and it did make some sort of sense. Carly was better than that. Still, it didn't explain why it'd been a week and he'd heard nothing from her. Not even a month before they'd been so happy in love and insatiable for one another only for everything to fall apart. Taking a deep breathe he turned to Matt and nodded. "I sure hope you're right man."
He nodded, patting JC on the back before standing. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll come get you when it's time for sound check."
"Right whatever." JC didn't even look up to see Matt leave the room.
He glanced at his watch noting that he'd be on stage before too long. He did the math of the time in LA. Where in the heck was she? For all he knew, she could have already agreed to go on tour with Gavin and be working with him right this second. Once he calmed down, he was honestly excited for Carly. He recalled several conversations they'd had where she said she'd love to be behind a tour some day and her ideas had been pretty brilliant. Carly's talent didn't have limits or capacity's, it just naturally ran through her. Instead of congratulating her on one of her dreams coming true, he had to be selfish. The truth was, he did wonder where that left them. He was ready to marry her today. He wanted them to start a life together. He wanted something solid and now all he was left with were questions and uncertainty.
****
"You sure you don't want to change your flight?"
Carly looked at her sister, and bit her lip in hesitation. "I've gotta do this."
Kassidy nodded and hugged her sister. "I just wanted to remind you of something."
Rolling her eyes, Carly turned her head, knowing Kassidy would tell her regardless if she wanted to hear it or not. "And that would be?"
"Remember when you and JC had that big argument or whatever you want to call it where you wern't sure of anything?"
Carly closed her eyes for a second, not wanting to relive it. "Yes."
"Well you told me you told Jace you had moments where you wanted him to be selfish for you when it came to your career so why can't you do this for him? I mean I know he supports you Carly. I've listened to the man rant and rave about your talent. He know's exactly how amazing you are so you can't exactly say he doesn't support you."
"I never said he doesn't support me Kassidy,"
"No but you got mad at him for not understanding when you told him you were going to spend the next few months overseas on tour with another man who might I add at one point and time caused a mighty big riff between the two of you."
"I'm pretty sure he's over the thing with Gavin by now."
"He might act like it but Carly, guys are weak inside. Try seeing this from his perspective. You've done nothing but encourage and push him to do this solo thing and you know he's having a hard time with it. It's kind of hypocritical of you to just up and leave when he needs you most, regardless if it's for a job. You agreed to marry him too. It's not just you anymore. It's we."
She tried to tell herself she already knew exactly what Kassidy was telling her but if she was honest to herself, Carly knew that hearing it from someone else did make it sound slightly different. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she closed her eyes and tried to take a soothing breath in and out, hoping and silently praying she was making the right choice. Standing up abruptly, she shook her head, trying to remove the mental cobwebs and bring herself together.
"My decisions already been made Kass. I don't know why we're still talking about this."
"Because sometimes you're honestly so stubborn and need to be reminded."
"Whatever. I'm going to be late for my flight. I've gotta get going." Carly said, hugging her sister.
"Yes, get going. You're starting to get on my nerves. Be safe."
"You too! Give Ava a kiss for me and tell Mom, Dad and my favorite brother in-law I said hey."
"Yeah, I will. And Carly, whatever you do---think long and hard. Sometimes things aren't always fixable."
Taking a deep breath, Carly nodded, feeling the ache and regret in her chest. "I know Kass. Trust me."
Kassidy watched her sister board the plane before looking at her watch and walking to her gate. She looked down at her purse, hearing her cell phone ring inside. "Oh you've got to be kidding me." She muttered to herself retracting the object.
"Hello?"
"Hey uh Kassidy, it's JC."
"Hey JC." She immediately wanted to run back onto the plane and ring her sisters neck, hearing the hurt in his voice. It was clearly obvious.
"Look, I know you've gotta know by now what's going on with Carly and I and I just need know if you have any idea where she's at? It's been a week and I'm seriously worried about her."
"I can promise you she's fine, JC. I actually came to LA to spend some time with her and then we flew back to Chicago for a while."
"Oh okay. Do you um, do you have any idea why she's not picking up my calls? I don't mean to drag you into all of this but it's killing me Kassidy."
"I wish I could answer for my sister JC, honestly but you know how she gets. She's stubborn."
Regardless of the situation, she heard him let out a strained chuckle. "Yeah I know. I just-- she's never done this before. Not called for this long."
"The best thing I can tell you is that she's re-evaluating things. She's just being Carly to put it in the best words."
"Re-evaluating? Did she---," He paused for a second. "Did she take the job Kassidy?"
"I'm not the one to give you that answer, JC--as much as I'd like to."
She heard his breathing hitch slightly. Even over the phone she could tell he was a wreck. "Okay, you're right. Um, is this fixable?"
Kassidy closed her eyes, feeling instant disgust towards her sister. Sometimes she had no clue how badly the things she did affected other people.
"Honestly, I believe anything is fixable but the only person that knows that answer is Carly."
"Can you just answer me one question and I'll let you go?" He asked.
She walked through the busy airport, weaving in and out of people trying to keep reception. "Yeah JC. Go ahead."
She could hear him swallow the lump in his throat. "Is she still wearing her ring?"
Finally she was able to give him some kind of hope. "Yes, JC she is."
She could hear him let out of woosh of relief. "Thanks Kassidy."
"No problem, JC."
They exchanged goodbyes and Kassidy instantly wanted to call and let her sister know exactly what kind of hell she was putting him through. She wanted to call her, to tell her she could hear the hurt in JC's voice but she knew it would be pointless. Carly was hard headed and when and if she called him, it'd have to be on her own time with her own free will. As much as she loved JC as a person, Carly would have to mend her own wounds.
***
JC had just finished up his sound check, barely making it through. It was technically just a practice but he knew what was yet to come wouldn't be the same. He'd be on stage, in front a thousand or so of faces when all he really wanted to see was one. He'd been going through the motions of his songs for what felt like years now when it had only been about a month. The constant rehearsals, tweaking certain songs, trying to make them better, sound just right from the stage for the crowd. It all got old so quickly and to be honest it just didn't feel the same. None of it was feeling like it once did.
His thoughts were quickly distracted as he turned back to see Tyler standing against the wall, watching with pride written all over his face. It'd been a while since he'd seem him.
"You never fail to amaze me, my brother." Tyler said, pulling the older man in for a hug.
JC easily rolled his eyes but accepted the praise. "Thanks." JC said, shuffling a bit before his hands went to the pockets of his jeans.
"Man you look like shit. Still no word from her?"
"No. I got desperate and called her sister."
Tyler's raised a brow in surprise. "And?"
"Kassidy wouldn't say much but she did say Carly hasn't taken off her ring so that's got to mean something. I mean I know I pissed her off but I didn't think she do this."
"Maybe she just wanted to take some time to herself, Jace. Think things over."
JC shook his head, suddenly in need of a stiff drink. "And that requires not talking to me for days at a time? What the hell Ty? She's just going to decide she's done with me. I know it."
Tyler shrugged patting his brother on the back as they left the stage area. "I know she loves you. Just give her time man."
"When did you last see her?" JC asked, knowing that Tyler had finally been home here and there within the past few weeks.
"Um last week I think. She introduced me to her sister."
"Did she seem alright?" He asked his brother as they went back to his dressing room.
Tyler shrugged taking a seat across the room. "I guess. I probably shouldn't say anything..." Tyler trailed off.
JC ears perked up. "What do you mean you shouldn't say anything? About what?"
Tyler swallowed thickly readjusting the collar on his shirt nervously. "Well I was taking the trash out in the bathroom the other day and there was a pregnancy test box in there."
JC instantly felt his face pale. It was just like the dream he'd had, or more like the nightmare. "She didn't say anything to you?"
Tyler shook his head adamantly. "Nope."
"Did she seem sick or off to you or anything?"
Tyler tried to think back. "No. She just seemed tired and kind of upset about stuff. I figured by overhearing her and her sister, you guys must have had an argument or something."
Standing, JC ran a hand through his wavy hair, instantly feeling like the weight of the entire world was sitting on top of his chest. Was this why she was pushing him away? Was she really pregnant? He recalled her being really tired lately and that could go along with pregnancy right? How many times had he had these same thoughts and Carly had told him he'd be the first to know if she ever was. It just didn't make sense. That couldn't be why she would push him away.
"I really don't want to do this anymore Ty."
"Do what? Be with Carly?"
"No, not that. Of course I want to be with her. I love her more than anything." He threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "This. Music, performing, not like this anyways."
"Are you serious? I thought this is what you were put on this planet to do Jace. You're so damn talented."
JC shook his head. "I get that and I'm thankful for it but nothing feels the same anymore. I don't want it to be like this. I want a wife and a family that I'm not separated from all the damn time. I don't want to go on tour, or do ten thousand interviews and have to worry about deadlines and schedule's every damn day. Hell, right now all I want to know is where she is Ty. It's fucking killing me. I don't give a shit if that room out their is filled with a million faces tonight. The one person I want to see out in that crowd tonight is her she she probably won't be dammit."
"All I can say is that you need to do what makes you happy and if giving this up is what it takes, then do it. And I know man. If I had the power to fix all this and make her appear, trust me. I would."
"Call her for me Ty. She loves the hell out of you. Maybe you could talk some sense into her."
Tyler stood, taking in his brothers exhausted features and pulling him in for another hug. "If that would solve everything I totally would do it Jace but I'm afraid Carly needs to come back to you on her own. That's the only way you'll know it's real."
"Sometimes I don't know why I fight so damn hard." JC confessed, his face falling.
"I know exactly why Jace. It's because you've never loved anyone like you love Carly. Because no ones ever made you feel the way she does. It may be hard at times but the best things in life are worth fighting for."
Pinching the bridge of his nose, JC met watery eyes with Tyler. "I don't think anyones ever said it better than that."
Trying to regain his composure, they both turned their head towards the knock on the door as JC felt his heart skip a beat. It couldn't be. She was in Chicago.
Matt peeked his head in quickly. "Hey man. Just wanted to let you know you've got a little over an hour till show time."
"Alright thanks, Matt." JC said, watching him leave the room.
"I think I'm going to get going and let you get dressed. I'll be around. Let me know if you need me." Tyler said, making his way to the door.
JC nodded. "Thanks Tyler. For everything."
The younger man nodded. "You're welcome, brother. Knock em' dead tonight even if it's the last time. They still deserve your all." He said before exiting the room.
**
Several people had knocked on his door in between the time Tyler had left and he had gotten dressed, and each time, like a fool he tried to hold onto some hope and each time he answered, none of them were Carly. He'd been pleased to see his parents on the other end as well as several friends from back home and people he'd worked with on his album. By the time his Mom had hugged him goodbye and wished him luck before exiting his dressing room, he was wearing thin. As pleased as he was to see them show up to support him, none of them were Carly. He couldn't put his finger on why it meant so much to him that she show up. Most normal people would have been pissed off by this point but JC wasn't. He wasn't nervous knowing he'd done this a million times before but something didn't feel right without her there. Almost like a missing piece to a puzzle, it just wasn't finished until all the pieces were together and aligned.
He took a look in the large mirror hanging in front of the lit up vanity. He looked haggard, old almost and began wondering how his life had landed him in this spot here and now. Things had definitely a weird way of working out. He never thought he'd be a thirty something year old man still riding that roller coaster of love. He had music, although it wasn't how it once was and here he was about to give up the opportunity to have the world eating out of the palm of his hand. It was just a gut instinct. He could still make it, he'd just be doing it on his own terms for once. He wouldn't be forced away from people who meant the most to him, wouldn't have to have relationships over the phone, wouldn't have to struggle so much, just maybe once everything would eventually pan out. JC told himself that he'd hold on to whatever thin glimmer of hope he could, if only it'd be enough.
Going outside his dressing room, he leaned back against the brick textured walls, glancing around and seeing posters of previous performers tacked up all around him. He leaned his head back, allowing himself to close his eyes for just a moment and breath everything in. The faint musky smell of cigarettes lingered in the air as he focused on inhaling and exhaling. He honestly had no idea how he was going to make it to the stage, sit down at the piano and sing the lyrics about the one person who meant the most to him when she wasn't even there. He'd give anything to see her green eyes looking back at him while he held his gaze to hers. Her smile was the one thing that would keep him going and make it all worth it and the wink she'd throw at him would tell him the one thing that he'd never tire of knowing--that he was loved by her.
"Thirty minutes, JC." Someone shouted down the hallway and quickly dissapeared. He'd ask to be left alone before showtime, to collect his thoughts and mentally prepare himself.
He'd been so lost in thought that he hardly felt the soft hum of his cell vibrate inside of his pocket. Sliding it out, he didn't even look at the screen before bringing it to his ear.
"Hello?"
There was a brief moment of silence, followed by some static. "Jace..?"
His ears had to have been deceiving him. It couldn't be.
"Carly?"
"I'm sorry." He heard her voice say, soft and unsure.
His heart pounded loudly against his chest. What was she sorry for? So many things ran through his mind but for some reason none of it mattered. All that mattered was now. There was a chance.
"Me too. I was a jerk."
"Is there room to start over?" She questioned, her voice hesitant.
He'd give up the moon for Carly but still, he'd been through hell in the last week but at that moment none of that seemed to matter.
"I love you too much too just give up."
There was more silence and he could have swore he heard the faint signs of a sniffle.
"I love you too, Jace."
His breathing hitched in his throat right then and there and for the first time in seven days, he felt that maybe there was some hope. Maybe this time they could get it right.
"Where are you, Carly?" He asked, before someone down the hall shouted his name. He held up a finger irritated, waiting for her answer knowing she was several states away. When none came, the voice down the hallway repeated himself, this time louder."JC!"
Tossing an irritated glance in the direction of whoever was yelling at him, he was about to blurt out obscenities when Carly's voice caught him on the phone. "Turn around Handsome."
Swinging around and away from against the wall, JC looked down the dimly lit hall and he was positive his eyes were deceiving him just as his ears had. Standing at the end of the hallway next to one of the crew stood Carly, standing shyly in dark jeans and a light purple halter top, her hair wavy and laying lose against her shoulders and the green in her eyes fierce enough he could make them out where he stood. He bit his lip, feeling the back of her throat sting, trying his best to fight back tears of happiness as he took two steps to move forward before she began running towards him. He caught her in his arms, lifting her up and swinging her around as the sweet scent of her enveloped him, taking over his senses. She wrapped her arms strongly around his neck, hanging on tightly as he continued to hold her for what seemed like hours.
Finally letting her feet hit the ground, he pulled back long enough to get a better look at her, her cheeks wet with tears as he felt the tips of her fingers on his, wiping his own tears away. JC couldn't think of anything in his life he'd wanted more than now, this moment, Carly in his arms.
"You came." He blurted out, his voice shaky.
"Did you honestly think I wouldn't be here for this? I know how important this is for you."
His eyes went wide, his heart fluttering. She was here. Carly came. The one person he wanted to be there tonight and she came. Deep down, he honestly didn't think she'd show. It took a miracle to keep him from falling apart.
"I haven't talked to you in over a week. I've never been so worried--,"
She interrupted him, bringing a finger to his lips softly. "Hush. We'll talk later. I'm fine."
He nodded, knowing now was not the time to hash out their differences. Swallowing his anger, he tried to focus on the fact that she was there. Everything else just didn't matter at the moment.
"You'll never know how much this means to me, Carly. Never." He told her, his head coming down to rest against her own. He closed his eyes, his hands going to the sides of her jaw, holding her against him, breathing her in, feeling her skin against his own.
Carly brought her hands up and ran them through his hair, like she'd done so many other times. For some reason, this moment was different from all the rest. She pulled away long enough to kiss both of his eyes as they closed against his defined cheeks. "I do Jace. It means just as much to me, too."
When she finally kissed him, Carly could have swore she felt his whole body tremble. The guilt of what she'd put him through had began to come to her a pull force at that moment. When she'd first seen him the second she turned around, she could tell she'd put him through hell and that he was barely hanging on. Felling his arms squeeze tightly around her and the thudding of his chest against her own, Carly felt something click and knew right then and there that'd she'd have to throw in her running shoes. He didn't deserve this. She'd have to give up the fight and meet him in the middle.
JC began to feel that everything was slowly falling into place. No, everything wasn't perfect but he had so much hope that they'd get there. They'd come way to far not to.
Taking a deep breath, he reached up and took one of her hands in his, lacing their fingers together. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to know, so many questions to ask but right then and there just wasn't the time.
"Ten minutes, JC." Matt yelled from down the hall breaking them from their moment.
"I know you'll know em' dead, Jace." Carly said as she stepped back. She took in his outfit, thinking he'd never looked more gorgeous despite the dark circles under his eyes that she was responsible for. His narrow cheekbones were now covered by a dark dusting of facial hair, giving him an almost dangerous look. Beyond that he wore gray dress slacks, a white dress shirt and a black vest over it. He was still the definition of sexy.
"I hope so," He said, looking to the ground, having trouble meeting her eyes. "Because this is my last show."
Looking up with wide eyes, Carly couldn't believe what she'd just heard. "You're joking. I thought this was your first show?"
He shook his head. "I'm serious and this and my last. There are other things in life that mean more to me."
The look he gave her said everything and finally she could hear what he'd been saying all along. It just wasn't it once was anymore. He wasn't happy. Finally she really heard between the lines.
"Jace, you're so talented. Don't do this just because of me."
"I'm not." He said, as they began moving down the hall towards the stage. "I'm doing this for us."
"I said no to Gavin," She said causing his eyes to snap up and meet hers in surprise. "For us."
JC's heart skipped a small beat at her declaration telling himself the one thing he needed to know. She wanted them to work. She was making time for them, to start their life together.
He pulled her against him once again and was just content to listen to her heart beat against his. When it was finally time for him to go on stage, he hesitantly let go of Carly and was then reminded that fear didn't even measure into the equation anymore. She was there, it was his final show, he was going to do it right and give his fans something to see. They'd waited years for another album and he felt bad that only the ones tonight would probably get to see a show to this degree. Life had a funny way of panning out. Everyone would just have to understand.
With a final kiss for luck, JC was introduced right as he walked on stage, the shrill of the audience nearly deafening. He didn't even hesitate looking down into the audience and seeing Carly looking back at him, green eyes holding with his and smiling back. He had no idea how in the world they could go from completely broken to sewed back together in a matter of minutes but that's how things worked for them. Their relationship was a roller coaster. At times up and down and completely wild and scary but somehow they always made it safely to the bottom.
He sang his heart out that night, giving his everything until the crowd was eating out his hands. His CD would do just fine if the audience reaction was any indication. When he finally walked off stage, exhausted and damp with sweat, he didn't even have to hesitate to see Carly waiting back behind his friends and family, arms open and waiting for him. The scent of her around him and the feel of her skin against his was like coming home and was exactly what he had needed. It all confirmed what he already knew. Sure, people would call him crazy for giving up and opportunity like this but he wondered what they'd do when they were his age, when adult life was waiting before him. He'd already toured the world, sold out arena's and broke records with previous albums. Giving up this didn't mean he still couldn't be in the music scene. He was still going to continue producing and with Carly around him, he knew music wouldn't be but a heartbeat away. He would be just fine.
---
When they finally arrived back at his hotel room late that night, JC had so many questions to ask, so many explanations he needed but the words seemed to die at the tip of his tongue. Carly could feel the slight tension, see the wonder all over her face and honestly didn't know where to begin.
Kicking off her shoes, she watched as he did the same and then sat her suitcase by the bedroom door. When he turned around, she was right behind him. Their eyes locked as they tried to read each other, tried searching for the answers they both needed.
"I don't know where to begin, Jace."
Reaching for her hand, he guided her to the couch. "You've got to stop this, Carly." Not expecting that to be his opening line, her eyes widened as she looked at him in surprise. When she said nothing, he continued. "I'm serious. I can't keep doing this. Something goes wrong between us and you run. Not calling me for a week, making me worry, feeling like an idiot, going through hell. I can't always walk on eggshells just so I don't upset you. Distance on a relationship isn't fair to begin with but it makes it about fifty times worse when you do that."
"I know, Jace. I'm sorry. I got mad and I just wanted time to think things over. When you got mad about the job offer, my first instinct was to think you were selfish and expected me to be wherever you were, regardless of my career. I was going to take the job."
"Regardless of how I felt?"
"Yes." She looked at him seriously but then reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. "But then, I tried to pictured myself years down the road and I figured I'd be one of two things. I'd either be completely alone and one of those people who's married to their work and has no other kind of life, or I'd still be with you hanging on by a thread, hoping and praying we were going to make it another day together."
"So thats why you turned it down?" He asked, shifting on the couch but not letting go of her hand.
"No. I turned it down because besides not wanting to be neither of those things, I tried to think of it from your point of view. Your work schedual was about to get crazy, you already didn't like it because we had to be apart so much. I figured if I was going to truly commit to us and stop this roller coaster we're always on then I'd have to do some giving too." She looked down at their joined hands and when he met her eyes again, they were glittering with tears. "I want us to work, Jace. I'm just sorry I had to hurt you so badly along the way."
He didn't even hesitate to reach one long finger up and brush her tears away. He tried to let her words soak in, to hear where she was coming from. He knew how she operated. She could sometimes be stubborn as hell but through the whole week they never spoke, he could still somehow feel that she hadn't let go completely. That she still loved him. Leaning forward, he hugged her tightly against him feeling the loud thudding of her heart beat against her ribs.
"I know you are babe. As long as you know that the running stops now. I told you you're it for me and I'm done with the chase. I just need to know you're on the same page, no turning back."
Pulling out of his grasp, her hands when to rest on the sides of his face. Moving closer, she softly kissed his temple, then both of his eyes right after they closed against his sculpted cheek bones. From there, she moved to his jaw, spreading kisses as she went down to his neck before she began to speak softly against his ear. "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best. I-want-to-marry-you-Joshua."
JC shivered with her lips move so close to his ear, almost hypnoticly. He smiled, hearing her repeat one of her favorite quotes and was instantly taken back to the first time she'd told it to him. The more he heard it, the more it did fit Carly perfectly. She had selfish moments, sometimes she was unsure about things and because of that she ran, unknowingly hurting him.
"I told you before, I can handle you just fine." He pulled back, just enough so his lips could meet hers in a soft reunion. "I love you, and I-want-you-marry-you-too, Carly. You've just got to stop running."
Looking up through dazed eyes, she looked back into a familiar pair of blue ones and at that moment, everything seemed clear to her. "I know. I said I was done and I meant it." She was sure of it. No more if's, and's or buts. No more doubting, or being unsure. Her heart belonged to him from now on. "I love you too, Joshua."
**
Later that night, they lie in bed together, Carly's head resting against his chest as his hand moved slowly up and down her back, pushing all the tension from her body. It'd been almost a month since she'd last seen him, last held him and just like every other time, the picked up right where they left off. The TV was on in the background of the bedroom, though the volume was low and they weren't really watching it, it only provided a soft light to fill the room.
JC thought about all the things he wanted to say, to get out in the open but for the moment, he was content with just holding Carly, happy after all this time, she was finally with him. Finally when it all seemed too much, the questions nagging in the back of his mind, he spoke.
"Carly?" He questioned softly.
"Hmm?" She asked, not looking up.
"You sure you're okay giving up the job with Gavin?"
Looking up at him with a sure nod, she smiled. "Yeah, Jace. I'm cool with it."
"I just don't want you to ever look back and resent me for this. If you want to do it---,"
"Hey," sitting up, Carly crossed her legs in front of him, bringing her hand to cup JC's jaw in her palm. "I'm sure. I'd rather focus on us, so stop worrying."
Nodding, JC turned his face, moving his cheek against her palm. "Ok. I was just making sure." Leaning forward, bussed her forehead before placing a soft kiss there. "We've got no secrets right?"
Pulling back, Carly looked at him confused. "No. Theres nothing I wouldn't tell you, Jace. You know this."
He nodded and decided weather or not he should even bring it up. He felt like he'd been here before. "Tyler said he found a pregnancy test in the trash when he was cleaning..."
JC could feel his heart pound loudly in his chest as he spoke, waiting for her to say something.
"Yeah. That was Kassidy's. She'd been feeling weird when she came to visit so I convinced her to take one. She's not though." She watched his reaction and couldn't really read it. He didn't look relieved, but she could have swore she saw the faintness bit of disappointment on his face.
"So it wasn't yours?"
"Nope." She said, lacing her fingers through one of his hands.
"So you're not pregnant?" He asked, trying to understand everything.
Carly swallowed hard, looking away for a second as she felt her palm begin to sweat in his hand. Taking a deep breath, she met him, face to face.
"I might be."
JC's eyes went wide with surprise and it took him a second or two to process her words. "Babe! Are you serious?"
She could only nod. They'd discussed this before and had both come to the agreement they wanted kids. It only seemed like now when it might be a reality, that it was the scariest thing in the world.
"I don't know if it's just the stress of everything going on or all the traveling but I'm late. I was going to wait a few more days to see if it showed up before I told you but I always said you'd be the first to know if the possibility ever came about."
"How long do you have to wait before you take a test?"
She shrugged. "I could probably take an early one now."
He almost looked hopeful. "Are you going to?"
"Well I don't have one with me. I just was going to--," pulling away from him, she got up from the bed abruptly. "I think I need some air, Jace."
"Carly, wait!" He called after her.
Walking out on to the balcony off the living room in their suite, JC saw her overlooking New York at night, her arms around herself.
"Babe, it's freezing out here." He said walking up behind her, wrapping his arms around her sides. "Hey, what's this all about?" he asked, noticing her eyes were glittering with tears.
"I'm scared, Jace." She whispered.
"Carly, come here." He said, turning her to face him and taking her into his arms. "We'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere. No matter what the outcome, I'll be here right by your side. I want to marry you, have babies with you. We'll make this all work. I know it."
She looked at him hesitantly "You're positive? I mean you don't think it's too soon? I was kind of hoping we'd get to you know, be married for awhile. Just be alone together."
"Yes I'm positive. One hundred and fifty percent but we'll find that alone time too. I promise. Try not to look at it as the end of our freedom but as the beginning of our lives together."
"Sounds like you're really sure."
He tipped her chin up, leaning in to kiss her softly. "I am sure babe. As long as we're together, that's all that matters. We'll get through anything. I mean look how far we've come."
Pulling away just enough to run her hands through his hair, she looked into his eyes. "Your right." She smiled as his head came forward to lean against hers, she asked the one thing on her mind. "You really wanna know now, don't you Jace?"
He placed a soft kiss on her lips and then pulled back, the look on his face calm and peaceful. "I do but either way I'll be fine. As long as you're okay with it."
"I guess we could go out and get one..." She suggested.
**
Forty-five minutes later, they had returned back to JC's hotel suite, pregnancy test in hand as he took it from the bag and handed it to a very quiet Carly. She hadn't said much on the Taxi ride over and JC was beginning to think she didn't want this.
"You okay, babe?"
She tried to give him a positive smile. "Fine. It's just weird you know?"
He tried to understand her answer. Becoming a mother was a really big deal but then again, so was becoming a father. "Hey, we're in this together, right?"
"Yes."
"Then we're going to be fine, no matter what the test says. Go on. I'll be right here."
Going into the bathroom to do her business, she reappeared two minutes later. "Well?"
She laughed, as she walked up to him. "It takes a few mins, Jace. Take a breath."
He did as she said and began to pace with her. Finally breaking him from his thoughts, Carly finally said, "We should be able to tell now." He nodded, reaching for her hand, easily pulling her in the direction of the bathroom door. "You go look, Jace. I'm way too nervous."
Looking back at her, he could tell she wasn't herself. A million thoughts were probably dancing around in her head. Deciding to do as she asked, he left her in the door way of the bathroom and walked towards the sink.
Carly wasn't prepared for the look on his face. He simply showed no expression. "Well?"
He shrugged, looking somewhat guilty. "It says no."
Her eyes widened in surprise, not expecting his answer and then she quickly turned away from him, wrapping her arms around herself again. JC instantly went to her, pulling her back against the softness of his sweatshirt, his hands going around her waist and locking at her stomach. He rested his head in the crook of her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her. "Baby, it's okay. It's gonna be fine."
He heard her sniffle and when he tightened his grasp on her waist, he felt her body tremble. It took several minutes and Carly still said nothing. When she finally turned around, watery green eyes looked back into his and JC could have sworn she looked incredibly lost. "It really say's no?"
He took her face in his hands, easily kissing each of her eyes, the tip of her nose before her lips, letting his own linger in a comforting union. "No, it didn't." He whispered.
Shocked, Carly opened wide eyes to him, her head snapping back so fast he nearly stumbled himself. "What do you mean no it didn't?"
He smiled slightly, pulling both of her colds hands into his big warm ones, brining them up to his lips, he placed soft kisses on her knuckles. "I was giving you time to take it all in, to decide if it's really what you wanted. Now you know. We're going to have a baby, Carly."
Her eyes began to gloss over again with fresh tears. "I can't---I can't believe you did that."
His eyes began to match hers, tears escaping the crinkled corners as he smiled. "Now you know the truth."
"And you?"
He pulled her in for a hug, bringing her lips against his own softly. He took control of the kiss, building it quickly, his tongue dancing with her own, letting her know exactly how much he loved her. "I'm thrilled. I couldn't think of anyone better to be the mother of my children. I love you, so damn much, Carly."
She leaned into him once they pulled apart, her head going to his shoulder where she inhaled the intoxicating scent of him and for the first time since she'd landed in New York, that moment was the first she felt like everything was going to be okay. He wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in a hug no one else could even try to come close to. All her uncertainties seemed to fade away as she felt his heart beat against her own chest, telling her everything she needed to know.
"I love you too, Jace. More than you'll ever know."
"Your ready to start our life together, babe?"
Carly nodded, snuggling deeper into his embrace. Everything was going to be fine, she told herself.
"As long as you're right here beside me Jace."
He smiled, leaning forward to kiss her slowly. "Theres nowhere else I'd rather be, babe."
**
