I do not take long taking out these pitchers. I think for every beer the other 3 have, I take out two or three. I was feeling drunk after about the 4th one because of the pills I had taken, but I choose to keep on going. My cup keeps getting refilled and I keep drinking. I’m sure my friends are happy to see me having fun, so they are willing to keep my cup filled – if only they knew I was on medication.

By beer number seven, I am set. “Hey!” I yell a little too loudly at Justin, who is sitting beside me in the booth. “Let’s go play some pool.” I smile excitedly.

He nods and stands up and helps me do the same. I stumble a bit on the way but with slight help, we both make it to the table and rack up the balls so we can start playing.

I set up for a shot and fail miserably. “Here, let me help.” Justin offers as he gets right behind me for the classic guy move, “helping” me and “teaching” me how to play. I don’t know what made me do it – the drugs, the alcohol, both (probably both) – but I allowed him to ‘help’ me. After setting the shot up again, with Justin’s help, I don’t fail so miserably – hitting a ball this time.

“Thanks.” I offer him with a smile and wink.

“No problem,” he tells me taking his turn and of course doing much better.

It doesn’t take him long to kick my ass at the game, but I enjoy it the whole time.

“If I weren’t drunk…” I trailed off with a pout.

“I’d still beat you but maybe not as bad.” He laughs and puts his arm around my shoulders. He places our cue sticks on the table as we walk back to our table.

I fall into the booth, almost pulling him on top of me. I gulp another beer down and pour another, starting to gulp it.

“Um, maybe you should slow down.” Chase suggest taking the pitcher away.

“Nonsense, we’re here to have a good time so loosen up. Why are you two so tense?” I eye them trying to keep a straight face but falling into a fit of giggles.

Justin starts to laugh too, but its probably more at me than with me. Not too many more gulped beers later, we get up to leave. I fall over as I stand up and Justin catches me. “Oh thank you so much, my knight in shining armor.” I laugh.

He helps me out to the car and Chase drives us all back to my house. Tabbetha and I get out, and I notice Chase wasn’t turning the car off. I lean back into the window. “You two need to get out and stay here. I said so.” I tell them. That is all it took for Chase to turn the car off and both guys get out and follow us inside.

Tabbetha and Chase go upstairs to go to bed – I doubt to sleep though. “If you want to go to bed, I have a couple of guest bedrooms.”

“You not ready for bed?”

“No, I think I’m going to sit down here for a while”

“I’d love to sit down here with you. We can talk and get to know each other.” He tells me. “You know what I do for a living, what exactly do you do?”

“I thought I told you that is none of your business.”  I look at him pointedly.

“Sorry” He is obviously thrown off by this.

“It’s ok. It’s probably not everyday you meet a hitman or woman in my case.” I laugh. I know I’m saying too much but can’t seem to care.

“A hitman?”

“Yeah. People pay me to kill the ‘enemy’ sort of.”

“I had no idea that’s how it was.” He tells me with a quiet tone.

“It’s not as horrible as it sounds. I won’t kill just anyone because I got paid. The reasons got to be huge and real and I do research.”

“What does that mean?”

I try to find a way to explain it in a way not to scare him away. “Well if you give me $20 million to kill your cheating girlfriend and her new beau, I’d throw it back in your face. If John Smith paid me only $100,000 because some guy raped his wife and daughter if front of him while he was tied up and forced to watch, and this pervert keeps stalking his daughter, I’d probably take this.” I tell him but still continue to explain. “I do my own research to make sure this is what is really happened and the guy really is stalking the poor girl. I don’t kill everyone that I is brought up to us. I only kill when it is absolutely necessary – like when my life or one of my men’s life or someone’s life that is not involved depends on it. I prefer to just strike fear into people and hopefully lead them to live a ‘better’ life.” I inform him.

“Now that telling you all this as pretty much secured me life in prison without parole if not the ultimate death penalty, I’m going to shut up.”

“No, please don’t. How does a person get into this? You don’t seem to me like someone who would be dedicated to a life of crime.” He is obviously curious.

I sigh and this time it is one of disappointment – disappointment in myself. “Well,” I start as I try to sit up straight and only end up flaying around and falling off the couch. I bust up laughing. I continue to flay around, trying to get back up and have to resign to getting help from Justin. “That could have been a bit embarrassing.” I tell him sarcastically, still chuckling a little.

“Are you all right?” He asks sincerely concerned.

“I’m fine. Anyway!” I turn towards him without falling this time. “Let’s just do a hypothetical image thing so you can place yourself in my shoes. Imagine you’re a 13-year-old girl, just starting out on your journey into womanhood with the most awkward times to come.” I start off, and he just nods. “You’re goofing off and laughing and enjoying life – forgetting that your face is breaking out, your feelings towards boys seem to multiply by the minute, your emotional for no reason at times, and everything else that comes along with growing up.

Life is good. You and your friend are walking down the sidewalk when you pass an alley. Its like one that would be n a movie – long, dark, and scary. you try to walk on by, picking up speed, but just like in the movies, you and your friend are pulled in by three big men. As you try to scream for help, you feel your head being slammed against the brick wall that’s behind you, along with the rest of your body. The man holding you there hold his hand tightly over your mouth keeping you from making any noise. His free hand proceeds to shove its way down your pants and as you try to struggle free, it seems to only make things worse. Before you know it, the man has ripped your pants open and proceeds to violate your womanhood and all you can do is try to ignore the excruciating pain and try to look for your friend. You finally see her across the alley way only to see the other two men were working on her - One holding her down while the other violates her.

You close your eyes tight hoping it would be all just be a bad dream that would be over soon. You open your eyes again and see its not a bad dream, it’s a nightmare, and you are living it and it just won’t end. Finally, the man holding you lets his grip loosen on you as he turns you around, hand still over your mouth, and the other arm now hold yours down. He does what he can to force you to watch the other two take turns with your friend. Just when you think its over, you see one of the men take a knife out and slit your friend’s throat from ear to ear, killing her pretty much instantly.

As they walk towards you, you struggle and fight as hard as you can with no hope. The man will just not let go of you. All you hear is their sinister laugh. ‘This one is a feisty one. I may need a turn before.’ The man holding the knife declares. And so he does as the other two hold you still. He finishes and the third one goes to have his turn, but finally the sound of hope. You faintly hear the sounds of a group of people walking towards you. You try to scream but you can’t. The third man seems to give up his turn, pulling the other two away. The one with the knife holds it to your throat and whisper into your ear ‘this isn’t over. Tell your friend hello for us.’ He cuts your throat and proceeds to run away. Lucky for you the group comes by in time to get help for you just in time. You black out, though, before the help actually arrives.” I didn’t realize I had zoned out until I finally come back to the present day and see Justin just sitting there with a look of disbelief.

I pull my shirt down a bit and for the first time, he notices the very faint scar on my neck, “I….I had…no idea.” He quietly say as he looks up at me. He reaches up and touches my cheek causing me to finch a bit. He wipes some tears away that I had not noticed had fallen.

“Of course you didn’t. Only very few people do. Not even my family knows the whole story. Tabbetha and Chase are two of the three now four that do, and I think this is the main reason they don’t hate me so much for my choice. The desperation and rage I felt after that night, its like it took me over.” I find myself reaching out for Justin’s hand. “I wanted revenge on the men that took so much from me – costing me my only close friend at the time and myself. A couple of years passed and the police just pretty much gave up on the case. I was devastated until I met James.” I can see the look of interest now on Justin’s face.

He was 17 and cute. As a mere 15-year-old, I couldn’t help but be fascinated when he chose to talk to me. As much as my parents hated it, I started hanging out with him and eventually learned his dad was into the business of ‘payback’ and James promised me we would be able to find those three men and show them the price of revenge. His dad had resources. It didn’t take long. We found them and had his dad take care of them. It was then that I was drawn in and did all I could to get in. I trained with martial arts, weapons, boxing, etc. I was determined to not let anyone else get away with treating people that way and now here I am.” I finish just sitting there, a little worked up over my flashbacks.

Justin sits up straight and pulls me over into a tight hug. It takes a couple of minutes before I fall into him completely and let him comfort me. He pulls away a small bit and pulls his hands up to my shoulders and puts his forehead against mine. Neither of us says a word. We just sit there in complete silence except for our breathing. Before either of us know it, I move and am practically attacking him with my mouth. We are like two insane teenagers on lover’s lane.

We couldn’t keep our hands sill as they move over the other’s body. It isn’t long before Justin stands up, pulling me up with him. We clumsily try to make our way around the furniture, but Justin fixes this a little when he grabs my thighs and pulls my legs up and around his waist. We barely pull away from each other, only to take small shallow and needed breaths but only when they were truly needed. He carries me up the stairs and at the top-, I do what I can to direct him to the door that led to my room. He throws it open and once we get through, he shuts it with his foot – thankfully, not letting go of me.