Never Again
It has been three days since the "incident" and Alonsha was in her room in the apartment she shared with Tiffany. You'd think she'd be wollowing in her sorrows and inhaling ice cream by the gallon, but she wasn't. She kept herself busy by canceling all her wedding, reception, and honeymoon plans.
She was even handwriting notes to everyone invited to her wedding, apologizing for the abrupt cancelation. It was all she could do not to cry and to keep her mind off the pain that filled her heart everytime someone asked how she was coping with the sudden breakup.
"I'm fine, really." was what she said, a smile permenately plastered on her face. She never answered the phone anymore, she had stopped all visitors from coming over by saying she was ill. She'd turn up the music in her radio while putting on headphones and let the phone ring until the machine picked it up, and let Tiffany answer the door for her. But at night, when silence filled the apartment and all her pain could not be suppressed by her busy day, she cried and whimpered in the dark as that painful moment replayed in her mind.
Questions left unanswered ran through her head: Why? What didn't I do right? How could he do this to me? When did this all start? How many times has it happened? Was Natalie the only woman he was with?
She would've been surprised if Natalie was the only one he cheated on her with. Kyle was attractive, charming, funny, and was in a good financial situation, so what woman would deny him? But Alonsha never thought about stuff like that because he was her one and only and vice versa, well at least she thought that was the way things were. But she apparently missed something.
Alonsha sighed to herself once she finished her last note and all the cancelations had been made. She was left with nothing to do. Tiffany had handled everything for the rec and sleep wasn't even an option. Alonsha refused to shed another tear for a man who didn't love her enough to keep his pants up. Besides it was only 4:18pm.
Alonsha slid off her bed. Her toes sunk into the soft carpet and she strenched, groaning loudly. She walked out to the kitchen where she was greeted by a friendly bark from Bosco who was following her toward the fridge.
"You hungry Bos? Huh baby, Huh?" Alonsha cooed at her dog. Besides Jared, Justin and Scott, Bosco was the only male she could stand to even look at, every other guy was a reminder of Kyle.
Alonsha opened a can of wet dog food for Bosco. She poured it into his bowl and he ate it graciously. Desposing of the can and washing her hands, Alonsha went into the fridge and grabbed a yogurt.
She noticed the machine flashing a "3" and she played the massages while looking for a spoon.
"HELLO BEAUTIFUL!" Alonsha heard as she jumped slightly from his burst of enthusiasm, "You know who this is girl. I don't know why you didn't pick up the phone, you just too damn lazy," Justin accused as Alonsha rolled her eyes, "Anyways, I was just calling to say hi and see what's up. I'll call you later my chocolate little Milk Dud." Alonsha had to laugh at that one.
"My chocolate little Milk Dud?" Alonsha questioned to herself while raising an eyebrow, "Wow, just wow." Then came the second message. . .
"Lonnie, it's Tiff. You need to start answering the phone girl, what if I were dying? I would've been dead and buried by the time you got this message." Tiffany sighed in exaggerated fustration and Alonsha was pretty sure she was rolling her eyes while doing so, "Anyway, I'm at Scott's, but I will be bringing dinner home. Chinese sound good? Great! Oh and mama's coming by sometime during the day with some groceries so if your not picking up the phone, at least open the damn door girl. Love ya, bye." There was a beep and Alonsha smiled to herself, then came message number three.
"Alonsha. . .this is Kyle. I really need to talk to you, there are some things that I need to explain but not on the machine. Call me. Please Alonsha, call me." Alonsha rolled her eyes. Her call Kyle? Yeah right, like that's going to happen!
"Jackass." Alonsha grumbled as she plopped on the sofa and flipped through the channels of the t.v. A knock came at the door and Alonsha looked over at Bosco who was now lying at her feet looking back at her.
"Why do people always come when I'm just getting comfortable?" she asked him shaking her head. Bosco barked in response, "I don't know either." Alonsha said getting up to open the door. She looked through the key hole and neverly fell over. She swung open the door.
"You have some nerve coming to my home Kyle!" Alonsha shouted as Kyle sighed and just stared at her before speaking.
"Alonsha we need to talk." He said holding his ground.
"No, we don't need to do anything Kyle. You, " she said poking his chest, "need to leave and not come back because as far as I'm concerned I want nothing to do with you." she said angrily.
"Lonnie," Kyle started before being interrupted.
"Alonsha."
"Alonsha. . ." Kyle said sighing as his heart tightened in his chest, coming here was starting to seem like a bad idea, "I just think that there are a lot of unanswered questions that you might have and I know that you deserve an explanation as to why this all happened." Kyle said calmly.
They stood silent for some time as Alonsha thought it over. She did have questions that needed answering, but she wasn't sure if she really wanted to know the truth. It might be worse than what she thought. But those questions did keep her up at night. . .
"Fine." Alonsha said as she moved out of the way so that Kyle could walk in. He sat on the sofa Alonsha had been sitting on and pet Bosco softly on the head. Alonsha sat on the far end of the sofa and folded her arms across her chest. Kyle realized how far she sat and felt a pang of hurt in his chest as he thought back to the times she'd jump on his lap and kiss him. He missed that.
"Alonsha I'm sorry about this. I never met for things to get so out of hand. I never met to hurt you." he said as he paused, Alonsha didn't respond she just stared into space.
"I still love you Alonsha and I understand if you hate me, I'd hate me too if I were you." Kyle said looking down, Alonsha didn't deserve this.
"I don't hate you Kyle I just. . .I can't even phathom why you would do something like this. Was it me? Did I not make you happy or something?" Alonsha questioned. Kyle's head lifted up quickly once he heard her say this.
"Alonsha no! It's not you at all. I couldn't have been happier in my life. I guess that maybe that was the problem. I didn't know how long I could keep you happy. Alonsha I was afraid." Kyle said looking at the floor.
"Of what?" Alonsha asked quietly.
"Of turning into my father." He said simply as Alonsha finally looked up at her. Kyle never spoke about his father. Not to anybody. Not once did he ever voice his fear.
"You never said anything to me Kyle. If you felt that way you should've talked to me. Besides, how does this justify you cheating?" Alonsha didn't want to seem so cold but she was still hurting and his excuses were just not good enough.
"Alonsha I just feel like I'm supposed to be like him, it's like the jackass gene runs down in my family. Every male gets it no matter how hard they try to break the chain." Alonsha stared at him confused, but at the same time she understood what he was talking about.
"How many were there?" Alonsha asked out of the blue.
"What?"
"Women." Alonsha asked as Kyle sighed as he chewed on his thumb nail. Not a good sign.
"There was always Natalie, and Victoria. And there was one other girl, but I never got her name." Kyle said as he saw Alonsha rubbed her hands down her face and hold back her tears.
"Is that all?" Alonsha asked unsure. Kyle nodded. An akward silence fell between the two. Alonsha felt so. . .dirty. She made love to him. He had touched her all those nights even though he had been with someone else. Her stomach churned.
"It was on and off Alonsha. I cut things off with Victoria monthes ago, but then I met Natalie and I just. . . I couldn't just say no to her. No matter how many times I'd end things, I always let her come back." Kyle said.
"Did she know about me?"
"No. . . None of them did." Another akward silence.
"Okay Kyle, I'm done." Alonsha said getting up from the couch, "You can go."
"But Alonsha, I need to tell you everything. . ." Kyle said standing up with her.
"What else is there to say?" Alonsha asked completely flustered.
"I cut everything off and told Natalie about you. I told her how much I love you and I want to get help Alonsha. I'll go through counseling, therapy, whatever it takes to get you to love me again." Kyle said with all sincerity.
"Kyle. . ."
"Alonsha please don't just push me away, please give me a chance."
"I just can't forgive and forget Kyle!" Alonsha yelled.
"I know, I know. . ." Kyle said moving closer to Alonsha, "I'm not saying that it'll just happen overnight. I'm ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me and to get your trust back." Kyle said standing directly in front of her.
"I don't know if I can." Alonsha said feeling herself slowly buckle as the smell of his cologne washed over her and she stared into his crystal blue eyes. Kyle cupped her face.
"If you can honestly say you don't want this then I'll leave and I will never bother you again, I promise." Kyle said as Alonsha's eyes glanced at his lips. His soft. . . warm lips. That's when his mouth came crashing down on hers. Alonsha wanted to pull away but slowly let herself slip.
She was about to let him slip his tongue into her mouth when a vision of Natalie's body straddling his waist flashed through her mind. Her moans and his sighs boomed in her ears and she pulled away.
"No." Alonsha said backing away and staring at the ground, "I can't and I won't Kyle." she stated firmly.
"Alonsha. . ."
"Please leave." Alonsha choked out as hot streams of tears rolled down her cheeks. Kyle looked at her and backed away slowly towards the door.
"I'm so sorry." he said turning to leave, closing the door behind him. Alonsha collapsed on the couch. She was crying into her hands. Her whole body trembled, and she could hear Bosco whimpering, even he knew when she was upset.
When Kyle kissed her, she was ready to take him back. Telling him to leave was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. In that moment she promised herself that she would never let a man have that much control over her heart again.
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