Mistake
Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm OK
"Get the fuck out here!" my father yelled. I was hidden underneath the basement stairs praying that he wouldn't find me. I hadn't done anything wrong, but was always hit and tortured by my very abusive and always drunk father.
"Please God, don't let him find me." I whispered into the darkness. I shivered with fear and hugged my legs to my chest as I cried silently. The basement light flickered on and I sucked in a sharp breath as I heard my father's footsteps coming down slowly. That was it. He would find me and beat me. He always did no matter how much I prayed.
I squeezed my eyes shut and balled up even tighter. His footsteps got closer and new tears began to flow down my face as the thought of what he would do to me came to mind.
I watched as his feet stopped moving and he turned around to go back up the steps. He was half way up when my body turned against. I hiccupped and he came back down the stairs and spotted me.
"You stupid little bitch! I'll teach you to run away from me!" he threatened me as I began to sob.
"No! Please...I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me." I begged him but it went through one ear and out the other. He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me across the floor and up the stairs.
He dragged me all the way into the living room. I felt the searing pain of rug burn across my back and arms as he let me go. Suddenly I felt a huge slap across my face and I yelped in surprise and pain before my tears fell again.
"Your nothing but a mistake! It's your fault she left me!" he shouted at me, "and it's your fault your mother's dead. You killed her!"
He talking about Lori, his ex-girlfriend, and my mother. She died from complications with my birth and Lori left because of his abusive ways. But he always claimed that I forced her out and "murdered" my mother.
"I'm sorry." I apologized through tears for what he had accused me of because I believed that it was truly my fault.
"Sorry's not bringing them back!" he yelled as he threw me against the stairs. I cried out in pain and begged him not to hit me again.
He raised his fist and I quickly curled up into a ball, shielding my face. But the blow never came. All I heard was laughter. I cautiously lifted my face to see my father laughing.
"You worthless piece of shit." he said through his laughter. Then his laughter stopped when he saw the blank stare on my face. I quickly put my head down when he looked at me.
"What? You can't laugh or somethin'?" he questioned as I kept my head down confused. I had not seen what was so funny to laugh. I could sense his anger again and I felt him jerk my head up by my hair. I stiffened with fear and my eyes began to water automatically because of the pain.
"I don't like your fuckin' attitude." he growled at me while pulling at my hair even more, "...and you know what you're gonna do?" he questioned me, "...your gonna stand in the corner until you lose that attitude of yours." he told me before grabbing my shirt collar and slamming me into the wall, face first. I held my nose as it began to bleed.
He didn't notice. He had already turned around and left the house. It was 10pm and I knew he went to drink.
I wanted to call for help, get paper for my nose, and sleep but fear kept me at that very spot and refused to let me move.
So I stood there and cried. I wanted to runaway, but where? I too ashamed to go to a friend and my father was my only family.
I was stuck.
Alone. Scared. Unprotected. Unloved. No one knew me and never cared enough to want to.
I was worthless. I was a mistake...
"I'm Ok" by Christina Aguilera
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
