Forgive Me
He was sitting in the studio in front of the piano. His song book was open to a blank page on top of the black marble-like cover. The only noise that could be heard was the light tapping of his pencil against the piano's white keys. He sighed in fustration as his anger and fatigue began to rise for the millionth time that day.
His sapphire eyes were staring intently at the white page in front of him. It was teasing him. Mocking his creative genius. Telling him that the moment his pencil touched the page, his thoughts would be ruined. He'd never get the words out the way he wanted them to. And judging by the pile of balled up sheets of paper by his trash can, he couldn't argue with that.
Justin couldn't take it anymore. He finally gave up. His hands angrily flipped the book closed. He groaned and took a deep breath, telling himself to calm down. After standing up from the bench of the piano, he walked over to the plush leather sofa where his guitar was placed safely in its case. He sat down with a huff and brung out his guitar. He rested the wooden instrument on his knees and let his fingers gently strum it's sensitive strings.
He didn't even know what he was playing. It was just relaxing. He was no longer preparing for the release of an album that could make or break his career. He was no longer in front of MTV's camera's, letting them watch his recording process. He was just playing a song and singing along.
No cameras. No career decisions. No fustrating interviews or dates to do and meet. He was just. . . Justin.
"What song is that?" Justin's once closed eyes shot open and they landed on the small frame of his mother.
"Hey, mama." he greeted as he put the guitar down and scooted over, allowing her to sit.
"Hey yourself," Lynn joked cheerfully, "Is everything alright, sweetie?" Justin looked up at his mother and frowned.
"No." he whispered. Lynn ran her hand over his shaved head.
"She won't talk to you, huh?" Justin shook his head disappointedly. His mother had be brought into this because of a message on her answering machine. It was Tiffany exposing her son's stupid mistake. He almost cried when heard the message. Tiffany had put Alonsha on the line and the whole time she kept saying that it was okay, and Lynn didn't need to worry. Even though he had done her wrong, Alonsha wouldn't openly place the blame on him. Not once on that message did she say one negative thing about him.
She was cared too much. It made him feel even worse.
"I called her everyday this week, ma." Justin explained, "In the morning, during recording breaks, and before I go to bed." Lynn nodded sadly.
"Well. . . just give her some space to cool off." Justin nodded.
"I didn't want her to find out like that."
"I know, honey." Lynn ran her hand up and down his back, "But she did and you just have to deal with the outcome."
"I was so stupid. . ." Justin complained as he looked down at his hands. He missed her so much.
"Yeah, you were." Lynn agreed, causing Justin to look up and smile.
"You know, you didn't have to agree with me." Justin stated sarcastically.
"Well, it's true."
"I know. . . I just wish she knew how badly I want to just take it back." Justin sighed, "But then again, I don't really regret it." Lynn shot him a confused glance.
"What?"
"I mean, ma. . . Really think about it. If I didn't accept the challenge, I would've never asked her out. And that's the one thing I wouldn't take back." Lynn smiled at her son proudly.
"As much as I'm enjoying this conversation, I don't think I'm the one you should be having it with." Justin looked at his mom and smiled.
"Thanks, mama." Justin said as he embraced his mother. Lynn smiled and hugged him tighter.
"You're welcome, baby."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"You know what, Alonsha?" I looked up from the papers in front of me.
"What?" I asked Allison as she raised a brow at me.
"It's okay for you to be a little upset." I rolled my eyes. I had cried enough tears over Kyle, I wasn't about to do the same for Justin.
"There's nothing to be upset about." She shot me an annoyed look.
"Don't lie to a pregnant woman. It's bad for her baby." I sighed and smiled. She's been using her pregnancy as an excuse for everything lately.
"You've been saying that same line ever since you got knocked up." Tiffany said and we both laughed as Ally frowned.
"That's not nice." Allison pouted as Jare walked in.
"Wassup, Marky Mark?" Tiffany greeted as he leaned down and hugged her.
"Nothing. . ." he answered nonchalantly as he kissed my cheek.
"Did you get it?" Al asked excitedly. Jared nodded and handed her a plastic bag.
"It's French's too, Blondie." Jared informed her. Allison gasped as she lifted the bright yellow bottle of mustard out of the bag.
"It's beautiful. . ." she mumbled, completely infatuated with it.
"That's so weird," Tiffany sighed, "You hated mustard and now you put it on everything." Ally just shrugged.
"It's the baby." Allison informed as she opened the bottle and proceeded to drizzle its contents over her vanilla ice cream.
"Now that, I will never understand." Jared said as he pretended to barf. We laughed and Jared plopped down next to me.
"Did you send out the invitations?" I asked as he nodded. They were invites to Allison's upcoming baby shower.
"Yeah, but I kept this one." he said as he handed me a lonesome letter, "I didn't know if I should still invite him." I looked down at the pastel yellow envelope. Randy Harlass was written across it neatly. That was Justin's code name. As soon as I read it I could feel the frown forming on my face.
"Yeah. . . thanks." I said softly as Tiffany sat to the right of me.
"Don't you frown over him." she said as she kissed my temple, "We love you. So screw him. . ."
"Yeah. . .Screw him!" Allison shouted through a mouth full of ice cream. I laughed before a knock came from the door.
"I'll get it." I announced as I stood from the sofa. I made my way to the door and opened it.
"I actually found it!" Scott said excitedly as he began to trudge through the door with a supersized teddy bear. The thing was huge! Like the ones you win at amusement parks.
"Smith is the man!" Jared cheered as everyone laughed.
"Yeah, I know." Scott laughed as he placed the thing next to the couch.
"Scottie. . .How did you get this?" Allison asked in shock.
"It just so happens that one of the kids in my class had a uncle that worked at a place that manufactures stuff animals."
"Well I'll be damned," I said with a smile, "He just gave it to you?"
"Well. . .not exactly." he explained, "His wife convinced him."
"And that means?" Tiffany asked amused by his facial expression.
"I kinda flirted my way in." Scott explained as Tiffany laughed.
"That's my boy." she joked as she kissed him briefly. I felt my stomach tighten when he nuzzled into her ear and whispered something that made her laugh.
"Hey, stop boo-loving!" Jared said, interrupting the two. I was relieved. I didn't think I could've stomached much more of it.
I felt miserable. I felt used and dirty. I really was just an object to Justin. I know that in the beginning I was kind of okay with the idea of being a rebound, but when I told Justin he put up this whole act. He told me that he cared for and respected me enough to never do that to me.
But it was all crap. Every last word of it. I wasn't a rebound. I was a prize in some game he had to win. He didn't give two shits about me. It was all about feeding his ego by proving he could fuck any girl he wanted. And apparently he could. I had fallen into the Timberlake Charm hype. I let him sweep me off my feet with his sweet words and romantic gestures. I was so stupid. . . So blind by the fact someone like Justin could be the least bit interested in me in a manner that wasn't strictly platonic.
Could I have been more desperate?
"Stop it." I looked up to see Scott taking Tiffany's spot on the couch.
"What?" I asked innocently.
"He screwed everything over. Not you." I hate it when they read my mind.
"I know. I just. . ."
"You just need to stop beating yourself up over him." He leaned back into the sofa, "He's not worth it."
"I just don't understand how he could do that to you of all people." Jared stated, "You guys were like. . . attached to the hip. Did he even stop to think about the friendship you guys share?" I shrugged and pouted.
"It doesn't matter, Jare. What's done is done." I fell against the back of the sofa. Scott wrapped his arms around me protectively.
"Don't let him get you down." he said as he placed his cheek on the top of my head.
"I'm trying." I mumbled.
"Aww!" Al cooed from the kitchen, "I wanna give you some love." She walked over to me with open arms. Scott released me and I stood, accepting her "love".
"Thanks, Ally." I whispered. She squeezed me tighter.
"I love you more than mustard, girl." Everybody laughed and I couldn't help but giggle.
"I guess that's a good thing." I commented as the doorbell rung.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Justin's hand trembled slightly as he reached out and rung the familiar doorbell. He had heard laughter from outside of the apartment door and felt some type of reassure that things would be okay. They apparently were happy, which probably meant that anger was the last thing on their minds.
"Breathe, man. Breathe." Justin coached to himself as he inhaled deeply before exhaling. He felt better. More calm then what he felt on the drive over here.
Until the door swung open.
"Well, well, well." Tiffany said in disbelief. Justin smiled brightly, trying to cover up his anxiety.
"Hey, Tiff. Is Lonsha in?" he asked dumbly. Of course she was in. He had seen her car out back.
"So what if she is?" Okay, attitude. Something Justin was semi-prepared for.
"I really need to talk to her." His southern drawl was beginning to come out heavier than usual. It always happened when he was nervous.
"You didn't say enough on all those messages you left her?"
"Tiffany-" He was interrupted by her hand on his chest shoving him backward. He watched as she stepped out of the apartment, shutting the door behind her.
"What you did was beyond wrong, Justin. You hurt her. Betrayed her, even. She wasn't just your girlfriend, Justin. She was one of your best friends too, and vice versa. Yet, you still manage to pull the balls out of your pants to do this to her. I can't be believe that you, of all people, would do something like this to her."
He looked down ashamed. He knew what he did was beyond wrong, but talk about putting salt in somebody's wounds.
"I know that, Tiffany. You're right. Completely right." he stated sincerely. Tiffany stared at him for a moment before shoving him again.
"You are just a selfish, self-centered son-of-a-bitch, you know that?" He was taken back by her words. Nobody had ever said anything like that to him before. He was being belittled by her. He didn't like it.
"Look, Tiffany. I know you're upset. But it's not what you think. . ."
"So you didn't set up some bet with Trace to sleep with Alonsha and get some type of. . .prize for it?"
"It wasn't about sleeping with her. . ."
"Then why'd you do it?"
"Because I wanted to." That came out wrong. So wrong.
"Because you wanted to?" Tiffany asked in disbelief.
"No. . .Tiffany that came out. . ."
"The way that you intended it to."
"No. . ."
"Yes. You are a disgusting. . .pig." Tiffany said as she walked back into the apartment. Slamming the door in his face in the process.
-*-*-*-*-*-
When Tiffany came huffing and mumbling profanities, everybody looked up.
"Who was that?" Allison asked as she polished off her ice cream.
"Justin." Everybody grew quiet.
"What did he want?" Alonsha asked timidly.
"You." Then a knock came at the door. Tiffany rolled hers.
"Let me get it." Alonsha offered as she stood. Tiffany was ready to protest, but Scott held her back.
"Let her do it." he whispered as Alonsha made her way out of the kitchen. When she reached the door, her body froze when she heard his pleading voice.
"Alonsha, please open the door." He sounded so wounded. But how dare he act like the victim? It was her who got played, not him. She pulled the door open angrily and stepped out of the apartment while pulling the door shut.
"What?" she asked irritably. Justin eyes met hers and he smiled. She was so beautiful. He missed her, and he was glad to see her, even if she was pissed.
"Hi." It slipped right pass his lips. She looked at him, confused by his choice of words.
"Hi?" she asked annoyed, "You came down here to tell me 'hi'?" He stood there quietly, trying to formulate a sentence. But nothing came to mind.
"I. . .um. . ." Alonsha rolled her eyes and turned to leave. That's when he began to panic. He didn't want her to leave. He reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards him.
She looked down at where his hand held her forearm, "Let go of me." she stated softly. Justin released her arm and took a step back, giving her some space.
"I'm sorry." Justin apologized sincerely.
"And?" Alonsha shot back coldly. Justin sighed. She was doing the 'your words don't phase me' routine.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Alonsha. I never met for you to find out about the bet the way you did."
Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you
"What way, Justin? Right from your mouth?" She crossed her arms over her chest, "Were you even gonna tell me about it anyway?"
"Yes I would've," he answered honestly, "I just meant that I wouldn't have told you so bluntly."
I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you
"Oh yeah right, Justin! Who do you think you're fooling?" Alonsha asked angrily.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Justin asked.
"It means that everything you just said was bull. You wouldn't have told me and you know it." Alonsha accused.
"I would've told you." Justin said softly, "Honest."
"Honest?" Alonsha huffed, "Do you even know what that word means?"
"Yeah, I do."
"You have funny way of showing it."
"Look, I said I was sorry. . ."
"Yeah, well. . .I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I believed anything that came out of your mouth over the last few months. I'm sorry that I believed for one moment that we actually had something." Her voice was barely above a whisper when she said those last words. He thought that she was going cry, and his heart broke.
Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken
"I just wish you knew how badly I feel about this. I. . . I want to go back and change things. . .but I can't."
I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you
Alonsha nodded and ran her hands over her face, "I know, Jay. I just. . . I can't. . .We can't. . . do this. . .us thing anymore." Justin swallowed hard. She was breaking up with him. He had never caused a break up before. It was a horrible feeling. . .
"Alonsha. . ."
"Justin," she interrupted, "I just think that we're better off as friends."
Better off? "Yeah. . .friends. Friends are cool." Justin smiled at her, assuring her he was fine with it.
"You sure?" she asked. He nodded. Of course he was okay with it. It's not like he had another choice. He was glad that she even offered him a friendship. Who was he to reject it?
Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.
"I'm glad that you don't hate me. I was a little worried." Justin said as he played with his fingers.
"I never hated you, Jay. I don't think I'm capable of hating you." He smiled. That was the reassurance he needed to hear.
'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me
"Good because I don't think I would've been able to handle that." He rocked nervously on his heels. Alonsha looked up at him and smiled, almost causing his heart to stop.
"Damn! You love me that much?" she joked as Justin laughed.
"I love you this much. . ." he said as he outstretched his arms as far as they could go. Alonsha laughed at his childish behavior.
"You are such a dork."
I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive
Justin thanked her before walking up and embracing her warmly, "I'm really sorry." he whispered as his chin rested on the top of her head.
"I know," Alonsha said as she pulled back enough to look into his eyes, "I know."
So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry
He kissed her forehead and held her tighter. He had made a huge mistake and didn't plan on ever doing it again. His stupidity nearly cost him somebody that meant a lot to him. He had hurt one of the few people in his life that never did anything to cause him pain. He would never do it again. She meant too much to him to risk losing her. Way too much. . .
And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you
Song Credit:
"Forgive Me"- Evanescene
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
