A Dream Come True
Oh no, it was happening again.
As soon as my eyes fell closed, I could see her. That brunette bitch in all her glory. This time it was in a club. I could feel the bass of the bumping music beneath my feet. I could hear the chitter chatter of the happy club-goers. But I could hear her giggle over everything. I could see the way her hand traveled slowly over his shaved head as he lovingly nuzzled into the crook of her neck.
I couldn't see her face, once again. It was driving me insane. Every one of my dreams always consisted of her and Justin canoodling while I watched in disgusted awe. I didn't understand it. I didn't know the purpose of it all, but I was hurting no matter how many times I've experienced this. My heart breaks seeing him with her, whoever she may be.
"Justin," she breathed in her girlish tone, "When are you going to say it?" Her whine caused Justin to look up at her with a sigh.
"I already said it," he informed her, "I'd rather show you." That caused her to laugh obnoxiously loud. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a drink that had mysteriously appeared on the bar table I was sitting at. I slowly drank down the strong liquid and wiped my mouth. I looked up to see the gruesome twosome heading my way.
That's when I freaked out. The girl had no face. Just a bump as a nose and a line for a mouth. I gasped at the sight before me and Justin laughed.
"What the fuck?" I questioned as Justin sat down next to me. My eyes followed his form and went back to look at the faceless woman, but she was gone and nowhere to be found. I frantically looked around the club, but she wasn't there. I turned to talk to Justin, but he was gone too.
What. The. Fuck.
"Alonsha. . ." I looked up to see Justin standing in front of me. I looked around the room, but was no longer in the club. I was on Justin's bed now. In his all white room. I jumped up and rammed into his chest when I realized this was the very bed he had sex on with the girl.
"What's going on?" I questioned him as I angrily shoved him backward. He stumbled slightly and looked shocked by my words.
"What are you talking about, Sexy?" he asked with a grin.
"Don't 'Sexy' me," I growled, "You slept with her!"
"What? Slept with who?" he asked innocently.
"That. . .faceless. . .bitch!" He laughed and reached out for me. I backed up and fell onto his bed. He took this opportunity to pin me down.
"I didn't sleep with anyone," he whispered, "I would never do that to you." Justin smiled and kissed my lips gently. Suddenly my anger was gone, which left me completely baffled. All I wanted to do was kiss him.
"I know," I breathed as he sucked on my neck, "I know." He continued his actions as my hands caressed his hair and ran over his muscled back.
"Alonsha?" Justin whispered to me.
"Yes?" I responded. I could feel his warm hands caress my neck. He flipped us over, causing me to straddle his waist. Justin sat up and kissed me passionately. I moaned into his mouth as his tongue caressed my own.
"You're so beautiful," he said softly. Our faces halted their sucking actions so we could breathe and look at each other. Justin smiled at me and ran his hands through my hair before resting them on either side of my face. He was staring at me in a curious and loving fashion. I smiled shyly and Justin laughed lightly.
"I love you," I told him. He grinned even wider.
"Yeah?" he asked. I nodded and Justin kissed me softly, "Let me do something." I smiled.
"What is it?" He leaned up closer to me, kissing my cheek before whispering in my ear.
"Let me kill you." My eyes widened in shock before I felt his hands clasp around my neck, sucking the air right out of me.
"Justin. .. " I wheezed in panic. His hands tightened and my eyes began to water as I gasped for air.
"I wish you died instead of her." The moment the words escaped his lips, his bedroom disappeared. I was at home, in my childhood bedroom. My father's hands were around my neck, he was screaming and breathing harder than ever.
My eyes rolled over to the clock that had been on my night stand. It was 5:32pm. I remember that time so clearly. I had remembered thinking that it was going to be the time that would mark my death. I remember that I was only eight years old when this happened. I thought I was going to be killed by him over something I did to upset him. I could never remember what set him off, but I always remembered the consequences of my actions.
"Daddy. . ." I croaked out. He was crying when my eyes met his.
"God, I'm sorry. . . God, I'm sorry. . ." he whispered as his hands left my throat. I gasped and sat up quickly.
Everything was gone.
"Okay, that's the millionth time you've done that." I heard Justin groan.
"Sorry," I apologized as my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. I sat still for a while until I heard Justin's snore. I crept out of bed and walked through the dark hall. I entered one of the bathrooms and locked the door. After flipping the light switch, I headed to the sink. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I stared long and hard, trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
"Alonsha?" A knock came from the door and I swung it open. Justin stood before me, boxers covering his lower half.
"Yes?" I asked tiredly. He walked in and shut the door behind him. I plopped down on the toilet seat and Justin sat on the edge of the tub.
"Did you have that dream again?" I nodded like an ashamed child and bit my bottom lip.
"They're so stupid." I complained.
"They also keep you up at night," he pointed out, "Are you ever gonna tell me what they're about?" I sighed and shrugged. I didn't want to tell him. What was I suppose to say, 'In my dreams, you're a cheating bastard'?
"It's all jumbled. It just wouldn't make sense." I explained.
"You could try to explain them." Justin reasoned.
"I just. . ." I sighed, "I just want to try to get some sleep." He nodded understandingly.
"Okay, if that's what you want." He stood and offered me his hand. I took it and allowed him to guide back to his bedroom and into his bed.
"I'm sorry for interrupting your sleep," I said as Justin wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest.
"Don't worry about it, Sexy. Just relax and close your eyes." I smiled and did as I was told.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"So. . .What's up with you?" I lifted my drooping eyes to met Chris's curious ones. His black framed glasses rested on his face and his hazel eyes sparkled behind them.
"I'm. So. Tired." I groaned as I put my head down and pouted like a child. Chris laughed and sat on the edge of my desk.
"Saying goodbye to that boyfriend of yours, huh?" I looked up and he winked. I laughed and sighed.
"I kept having nightmares." I explained.
"Dang, is he that bad?" I smiled and smacked his leg.
"Not Justin, you buffoon," He laughed, "Just these stupid dreams about dumb stuff." He nodded and played with a paper clip on my desk top.
"What are these dreams about?" I rolled my eyes and sat back into the comfort of my swivel chair.
"Me. Justin. Some other girl," His face told me where his mind was, "Not like that!" I scolded.
"Hey, you need to choose better wording next time." He got up from my desk and for once in his life, sat in a chair.
"They're so ridiculous, but the worst one was when Justin tried to kill me." Chris's brow raised in shock.
"Kill you?" I nodded.
"But it wasn't him, it ended up being my father." Chris nodded and sighed.
"I know you and your dad don't get along, but I doubt that he'd try to kill you." If only he knew. . .
"See, it's ridiculous," I animately swung my hands about, "It's Justin, for Pete's sake. He loves me and wouldn't hurt me. Especially physically."
"You're right, he's a complete gentleman." I nodded as I calmed down, "But sometimes our dreams are trying to tell us things."
"Are you telling me that Justin wants to kill me?" I asked irritably.
"Of course not," Chris said, "But tell me, how did he try to kill you?" I shivered at the memory.
"He was choking me," I said softly.
"And he turned into your father afterward?"
"Yeah. . ." I said, unsure of where this was going.
"How is Justin and your father similar?" My eyes nearly popped out of my head.
"Nothing!" I said angrily, "Justin is nothing like him."
"There has to be something. Usually when choking is involved, the person having the dream is feeling trapped." Trapped?
"Justin doesn't make me feel trapped, Chris. He's amazing."
"So you never felt the need to impress him. Please him to keep his attention?" Damn, Chris was good.
"Well, I get self-conscious." I answered, "But come on, he's Justin Timberlake."
"Like your father was your dad?"
"Yeah," I sighed, "I always wanted to be good for him. Always doing my chores, dressing up, doing good in school." Chris nodded as I went down my list. I was getting it now. I'm practically living out my childhood through my relationship with Justin.
"Alonsha?" I snapped out of my daze momentarily and looked up at Chris, "When was the last time you've had a vacation?" I looked at him funny and wondered where the question came from.
"I don't know. . ." I sighed as I thought back, "Kyle took me to Fiji two years ago for our anniversary. . ." Chris's sigh cut me off short.
"I want you to take some time off, Alonsha." Was he insane?
"No," I whined, "I don't need any time off, Chris. We have tons of fund-raisers and grants to prepare for. . ."
"And that will be done, I assure you," he said, "I want you to, for once in your life, think about yourself."
"I am thinking about myself," I told him, "This is me." I gestured around my office and Chris looked at me, completely unimpressed.
"That's the problem, babe," he sighed, "This shouldn't be you. You're not a building or things. You're a person." I rolled my eyes, tired and defeated.
"Chris, I can't even afford to go on a vacation." I reasoned, "Besides, what's the point? Justin's preparing for his tour, Ally's having a baby, and Tiffany's swamped at work. What am I suppose to do? Go on vacation alone?" I stared at him for a moment waiting for his response. He finally shrugged and smiled.
"Why not?" he stated, "Maybe alone time is what you need."
"Or maybe this conversation is completely pointless." I argued. I pouted and huffed like a child as I returned to my waiting laptop.
"Alonsha, I think time off is a good idea," Chris said gently, "I'm telling you as a fellow counselor, I'm telling you as a friend." With that, he retreated from my office, giving me a small smile over his shoulder. As soon as the door was closed, I placed my face in my hands.
All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
Okay, that conversation was helpful. In a way, it made me realize what I was missing, but in another way, it made things even worse.
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow
It's a vacation, right? What's one little vacation gonna hurt? Like I explained earlier, everybody's busy, so it's not like I'll leave anybody hanging. I'll get some Alonsha time. But come on, who vacations alone? Strange, lonely losers, that's who. But than again, I guess that's where I fit on the social latter. . .
I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
Okay, okay. I'm over thinking again. That's becoming a very annoying habit of mine. Jeez Louise, it's just a vacation. . .
Why am I making such a big deal about this?
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me
Well it could be because I never spent a day without somebody, or something counting Bosco. Damn, I do need some me time. But I don't want to spend some time with myself. I'll go insane with all this thinking going on in my head. . .
"Damn it," I looked up instantly at his voice.
"Justin?" He turned and smiled at me before rushing over to my desk.
"I've missed you, girl." He began to place kisses all over my face and I became confused as to what was going on.
"Are you high?" I asked, "Justin, you're doing that pot shit again, are you?" His playful demeanor turned serious.
"No, Alonsha." he said, "I told you quit for you." I looked him up and down before hugging him.
"Okay, but explain the weird behavior." Justin laughed and sat down on my desk.
"I'm excited," he told me with a grin, "Danny's coming on tour with me!" I looked him, completely confused.
"Danny?" I asked, "Who's he?"
"He's a she, number one," He smiled, "Danyelle? Don't you remember she was a back up dancer for the Pop Odyssey tour. . ." I had no clue what he was talking about.
"You had like thirty dancers, Jay. Why should Danyelle be any different?" Justin sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Because she's a good friend of mine and I'm taking you to meet her." I shrugged.
"When?" He walked over to my desk and turned my chair to face him.
"Now."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
So, after being dragged to his house against my will, we reached Justin's house. I got out the car and he took my hand, guiding me up his stairs. The door swung open and Trace's cute face appeared with a broad smile.
"Danyelle has been ragging on you since you left, man. I just thought you should know." He laughed and Justin smiled.
"I'm gonna kick her ass." he growled jokingly.
"Bring it on!" I heard a girl, I'm assuming to be this Danyelle chick, yell back. Justin's hand fell from mine as he ran into the house. Trace held the door open for me and I thanked him as I made my way inside. Once I stepped into the living room, I spotted Justin playfully locking his arm around the neck an unsuspecting girl.
"Jay, you're gonna end up killing her." Justin flipped her over and she laughed her girlish giggle and brushed back her brunette. . .hair?
Oh holy shit. . .
"You're lucky my girlfriend cares about innocent lives." Justin told her as she stood. She turned to me and smiled brightly.
"Hey, you must be the Alonsha Justin can't shut up about," Danyelle walked over and held her hand out to me. I was almost afraid to return the friendly gesture.
"That would be me," I smiled as our hands connected. I involuntarily shivered. She was real. Not a figment of my imagination.
"Well it's nice to finally put a face to the name," she said as our hands fell apart.
"Ditto," God. This was so weird. Justin must've sensed my uneasiness because he walked over to us, draping his arms over our shoulders.
"How 'bout I take two of my favorite girls out to lunch?" he asked, "Sound like fun?"
Hell no.
"Sure," I smiled, "I can get to know Danyelle better." Not that I wanted to.
"Yeah, that would be so cool!" Danyelle beamed.
"I second that." Trace added from his spot on the couch. I plastered a grin on my face and Justin kissed my cheek.
"Here Trace," he said as he took his keys out of his pocket, "You and Danny can pick a car and we'll meet you out front." Trace nodded and took the keys, as well as Danyelle, outside.
"Danyelle seems nice," I mumbled. Justin looked at me suspiciously.
"You don't like her?" he asked in disbelief.
"I didn't say that!" I argued.
"It was written all over your face," Justin pouted, "You don't even know her." I know she's a walking and talking version of my dream.
"Justin, I just don't warm up to strangers like that."
"She's not a stranger," Justin continued, "You've met before."
"Well she didn't remember me either," I reasoned, "Let's just go to lunch, okay?" He nodded and stubbornly crossed his arms across his chest.
"Fine, but be nice." he stated sternly.
Be nice. I mocked before agreeing to his request.
"Okay, whatever. I'm hungry." Justin laughed and took my hand, leading me outside where Danyelle and Trace were dancing to the music following through the car's open windows from his stereo system.
"I call shot gun!" Danyelle cheered as she hopped into the car. Trace ran to the driver's side and Justin pouted disappointedly.
"I wanted to drive." he complained. Hello! Isn't he sitting next to me?
"Well, we've got the back all to ourselves." I told him with a smile. He shrugged and opened the door for me.
"I guess it'll have to do. But I call steady driver." he announced. He said it like it was a bad thing. I didn't know if I should have been insulted or self-conscious.
All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
"Is everybody settled in?" Trace asked. Everybody said their 'yeahs' and Trace drove off.
This was going to be awkward. Terribly, no, horribly awkward.
Song Credit(s):
"Try"- Nelly Furtado
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