Old Habits
I had been at this hospital all night, and no baby. Ally had contractions and is still going. She complains about the pain and I have to stand over her and hold her hand. I know she's scared. This is her first child. Hell, I'm scared for her. Jared has spent most of the night awake. I kept telling him to sleep, but he didn't want to miss one moment. But, finally, I got him to rest and relax for the sake of Allison.
"Alonsha?" I lifted my head up and held Allison's hand.
"You okay, Al?" I asked softly. Her eyes glazed over with tears.
"I'm so scared something's gonna go wrong." She whimpered and wiped her eyes, "I want everything to be okay."
"And it will," I assured, "You and Jared had prepared for this since you found out you were pregnant. You'll do fine and you'll have a healthy baby to coo over." She smiled and nodded.
"Oh shit," she groaned as she squeezed my hand. Sweet Jesus, she had a death grip. After a minute, her contraction ceased and she took a deep breath.
"Is it over?" I asked as she nodded.
"Yeah, for now," she chuckled lightly, "Where's Jare?" I glanced at her curtain.
"On the other side of this curtain, knocked out cold." She laughed.
"Good, he needs to rest."
"And so do you." I stated. She smiled weakly and I pulled the sheet over her body.
"Thanks," she said, "Where's Tiffany?"
"On her way," I said, "She should be here any minute now."
"Okay," Allison said, "I'm gonna try to rest now." I nodded and released her hand. I stood and pushed the curtain aside. I looked at the chair in the corner. Jared was definitely knocked out. I smiled and walked out of the room. As I made my way down the hall, I spotted a vending machine. I could've sworn I heard that Snicker's bar calling my name as I made my way over to it. I placed my dollar bill in and ordered my chocolate bar.
"Lonnie, where is she?" I turned in time to see Tiffany jogging down the hall towards me, Scott was trailing behind with a worried look on his face.
"She's resting, but you can go in and see her." I informed Tiff as she nodded. I pointed her in the right direction and she was off, leaving me alone with Scott.
"I nearly hit an old woman trying to drive down here with Tiffany yelling at me to go faster." I laughed lightly and offered him a piece of my candy. He broke off a piece at the end and popped it in his mouth.
"How was the vacation?" I asked as we headed down to Ally's room again. He shrugged and bit his lip.
"It was okay, I guess." I looked at him suspiciously.
"Okay?" I asked. He shrugged again.
"I just. . ." He sighed and licked his lips.
"Scott, what's wrong?" He reached out and took hold of my wrist, leading me away from Ally's room.
"I asked Tiffany to marry me." he confessed. My eyes widened and I smiled. But my grin fell when I saw the sad look on his face.
"That's suppose to be a good thing, right?" I asked.
"I thought that too," Scott said softly, "Until she told me no."
"No?" He nodded.
"No. N-O. No." He rolled his eyes, "I can't even believe she said that to me."
"Well, what happened?" I questioned.
"We argued. I said some things, she said some things. . ." He shook his head, "I can't even look at her without hearing that 'no' echoing through my head." I reached out and rubbed his arm.
"I'll talk to her," I said, "Something's gotta be up for her to say no."
"No, don't," Scott said, "She didn't want me to tell anybody about what happened." Since when do we keep secrets from each other?
"Don't worry, Scott." I told him, "I'm sure she'll come to her senses about things." I wasn't sure at all. I just couldn't tell him that. But how could Tiffany tell him no? She's the queen of love. The pusher of love. The 'take a good man when you have it' woman who wouldn't let me run from my feelings for Justin. This news contradicted everything Tiffany preaches. Something's definitely wrong.
"Nurse! Nurse!" Scott and I turned to Jared's worried voice. We watched as he grabbed a nurse and informed her Allison was going into labor.
"Calm down, sir. We've got it." The nurse smiled, obviously familiar with his type of behavior, before walking into Allison's room. Within seconds, three other nurses came into view. They wheeled Al, bed and all, down the hall. Jared jogged beside them, never leaving her side.
"I can't believe Al's having her baby!" Tiffany said giddily as she approached us. Scott smiled softly, trying to mask his own pain.
"We should probably go sit in the waiting area." I said, "It's probably gonna be a while." They both nodded and followed my lead.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Farah Cady Roberts.
That's her name. The beautiful baby girl I have the honor of calling a niece. She's so cute. Her hazel eyes glimmered in the hospital lights as she stared around the room she was in. I couldn't imagine what was running through her mind. She's probably so lost. If you're in somebody's stomach for nine months, you kind of get used to it.
"Isn't she beautiful?" I heard Allison's voice and smiled. She had been knocked out for four hours now. She looked so tired, but I guess having a baby does that to you.
"Yeah, she's gorgeous." I agree as smile down at the new bundle of joy.
"Could you bring her here? I wanna hold her." I walked over to her "bed" and lifted Farah's tiny body carefully. She was so light. The blankets were most of the weight. Anyway, I continued my mini journey over to Allison. She reached up slowly, careful not to tug to hard because of the IVs that were placed in her hands.
"There ya go," I said as I reluctantly released her. Allison smiled and held her gently against her chest.
"Hey, I brought Chinese," I turned around in time to see Jare walking in with two bags full of lunch platters. He handed me a bag, saying that Tiffany's, Scott's, and my orders were in there. He strolled pass me and over to Al's side. He sat in a chair by her bed, placing the food on the floor in the process. I watched as his face glowed with pride as he took Farah into his arms. I got the feeling that this was a family moment and decided I should leave.
I made my way down the hall, in search of Scott and Tiffany. They had ran off together to talk and I haven't seen them since. As I walked along, I saw so many happy parents walking out of the hospital, coming into the hospital, walking around the hospital. So many new families and new additions. It made me think about my own family. Was my dad glowing when he held me in his arms? Did he even bother to hold me?
The thought of him not doing so depresses me. It brings me back to the age old question of whether or not he loved me at all. I can feel myself begin to choke up and I decide to sit outside for some fresh air instead of searching for my missing friends.
I find a bench near the entrance of the hospital and sit down with a plop. I place the food next to me and slouch. I haven't thought about my father in months and the moment I do, I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm self-conscious again. I'm questioning myself with a million questions a second, all of which have yet to be answered. And why? Beats the crap out of me. . .
Actually, my dad was the one who beat the crap out of me. . .
You see!?! Where the hell did that come from? God, I hate that man. He's screwed me over entirely. I shouldn't practically hate myself. I should love me. I should embrace my curves. I should think I'm worthy of a good man. Of being happy.
But I don't.
I feel as though I should suffer. Like I ruin lives. Like I don't fit into anything and shouldn't try to. Sometimes, I truly feel like I'm met to be alone. But why do I feel like such crap now? I have everything. A stable career. Great friends. A more than perfect man that loves me. Yet, I manage to feel so. . . incomplete.
That's why I want to go on this vacation. Maybe this time away will help me clear my head. Help me find the one thing that I'm missing that's making me so incomplete.
"There you are!" I looked up in time to see Tiffany walking over to me, a broad smile adorning her face. She sat next to me with a plop and swung her long black hair over her shoulders.
"There you are," I said, "Where the hell were you?" I asked as she greedily dug through the bag.
"Um. . . Scott and I needed to talk," She paused and looked up at me sadly, "He asked me to marry him." I smiled and wondered if I should play dumb or admit I knew. I chose the latter.
"He told me," I confessed, "He also said you told him no." She smiled sheepishly and took a bite out of her egg roll.
"I panicked," Tiffany explained, "When he said it, I froze and I said no for reasons unknown." I smiled and nodded.
"So, since you panicked and all, does this mean it wasn't a no?" Her smile was back on her face in no time as she nodded vigorously.
"I'm getting married!" She yelled so loud that a few nurses turned around and smiled in our direction.
"YAY!" I shouted giddily. We stood and held hands, hopping around like a bunch of school girls before settling into the bench again.
"Damn, I can't believe I'm getting married," Tiffany sighed, "My mom is going to freak out!" We laughed and she broke me off a piece of her orange chicken.
"I can't believe it took you guys so long," I said, "You've been planning your wedding day since I met you." She nodded guiltily.
"Well, all of my early planning is finally coming to good use."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
So, Thursday came by sooner than I thought and I'm halfway packed for my trip. I'm excited. I'm finally getting away from this stressful area for a moment of time. Hopefully this won't be a total waste of time.
Hopefully.
"Damn, I'm usually the one packing." I turned and watched as Tiffany strolled into my room and sat on my bed.
"It's weird for me too." I sighed, "I'm afraid to leave. I've never been anywhere without you guys." Tiffany smiled and shrugged.
"There's a first time for everything," She patted my back, "Besides, it's only a week, right?" I nodded.
"Yeah, just a week." She turned to view my suitcases, all neatly assembled and waiting in the corner of my bedroom.
"That's all you're bringing?" I laughed at her dramatic tone.
"That's like half my wardrobe," I said, "That's more than enough, right?" She raised a brow and bit her lip.
"For you." I laughed, "Seriously, that would last a day if it were me." The sad thing was, she wasn't lying.
"Well, it's not you." I said as I zipped up my duffel bag, "I don't go through clothes like a certain somebody." Tiffany laughed and stood.
"Well, miss missy, I'm off to bed. I gotta start dreaming about my wedding." I laughed and she walked over and hugged me.
"'Night, sugar." I said. She smiled and waved as she made her way out of my room. I walked over to the door and shut it. I slowly slipped into bed and rolled over onto my back, staring at the ceiling. I sighed and wondered whether or not I should pray. I haven't prayed in a while come to think of it. I had sorta lost my faith as things progressed. As my pain increased. I just feel like God abandoned me as my life went on.
I decided not to pray.
Instead, I flipped onto my stomach, reaching over to turn off my lamp, before settling into the comfort of my pillow. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
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