Home Sweet Home
I can't believe it's been so long since I've been here. Three years have passed since I left, but everything seems so promising now. When I first got on that plane, leaving my life behind, I was full of defeat. I was broken and battered, with nowhere to turn to. It felt like I was suffocating in Los Angeles. But as time progressed, I found a way to breathe again. I'm no longer broken and battered. I’m healed. I feel like the world has finally lifted off of my shoulders, setting me free.
I know that you all thought I was insane for leaving, but so much has changed. For the better, that is. I'm happy now. With myself, with the world, with this beautiful May day. Everything isn't perfect, but it's a huge difference from before. I've reached a point where I can look in the mirror, scowl at my hideous stretch marks, but still think I'm beautiful. And that's all I wanted to do. Sure, my means of getting here may have seemed a bit drastic, but they were necessary.
The only thing I still have to worry about is making sure everybody understands what I'm feeling and forgives me.
Well, Justin in particular. I've spoken to Tiffany, Scott, Allison and Jared. They don't hate me, so that's something. Allison was disappointed in me, especially since I left right after she had the baby and Tiffany was pissed because she was suppose to get married. Yeah, I said suppose to. Turns out, my up and leaving ruined everything. They postponed all wedding plans and haven't spoken about marriage since. It broke my heart to know I did that, but I told everybody to just go on without me. I guess wasn't really thinking all that clearly. At the time I didn't realize how much I really met to everybody, which is why I'm so scared now.
I'm on my way to Justin's house and I'm sweating bullets. Hurting him wasn't my intention, but I know that I tore him apart. If you don't know already, Justin doesn't trust many people, so for him to put trust in me, just to get screwed over in the end. . . I think you understand. I'm hoping that time has eased his pain and that he can be as understanding as everybody else.
"Stay calm, Lonnie. It's just Justin." As my hands grip the leather material of my car's steering wheel, I take in a deep breath. The wooden gates that blocked the path to Justin's house were secured tightly. I bit my bottom lip as I pulled up to the security booth.
"Name?" A deep voice flows from the bullet proof glass. I smiled as I looked up and saw Andre. He's been protecting this gate since Justin brought this house.
"Dre?" I ask as I lower the sunglasses from my face. It takes him a moment, but a huge grin spreads across his face before he chuckles.
"Well, if it isn't Ms. Daniels?" He slapped his knee in the mist of his amusement, "What have you been up to?" I shrugged, not really wanting to spill my life story out to him.
"I moved for a while, but I'm back now," I told him, "Is Justin in?" He nodded and punched in the code for the gates to open.
"Sure is," he answered, "He's having a little get together with his family again." I nodded and thanked him as I drove through, heading up the spiraling hill that lead to Justin's front door. The gravel crackles beneath my Honda's tires as I pull up to his estate. Nothing much has changed, except for a few new cars that lined his parking lot. His mahogany door still stood in all its glory and the Spanish design of his mansion remained in its state of perfection.
I pulled up to an empty spot near his door. I placed the car in park and removed the silver key from the ignition. I smiled as my feet touched the unpaved driveway, wondering why he hadn't done something to it in so long. My thoughts were interrupted though by the sound of laughter. With a sigh, I fixed my shirt hem and followed the voices, reaching Justin's side gate that led to the pool. I could hear splashes and giggles. I was almost tempted to laugh myself.
Everything seemed so surreal in that moment. I would've barged right in and joined in the fun, but I no longer belonged. It was a weird feeling of being out of place at a home that I once considered my own.
"Can I help you?" I jumped and turned around only to be met by Cameron Diaz. Her facial expression was a cross between confused, disturbed and pissed off. But I couldn't really blame her. I was peaking through an open gate that didn't belong to me.
"Oh, I'm a friend of Justin's," I answer immediately, "An old friend." She doesn't seem too convinced, but smiles anyway.
"I'm Cameron," she says politely, "I'm Justin's fiancé." She reaches out her hand to shake mine. I accept her kind gesture, noticing a gold and silver band on her ring finger.
"It's nice to meet you," I say, "Is Justin in there?" I ask, pointing in the direction of the pool area.
"Oh yeah," she tells me, "Come on in, I was just about to bring more drinks." As the words leave her mouth, I finally realize the case of beer and cola she was carrying.
"Actually, I'm not going to be able to stay," I try my best to come up with an excuse to avoid the crowd, "Could you, by any chance, ask if I could speak to him privately?" I watch as she hesitates before nodding.
"Okay, sure. I'll be right back." I thank her and sigh once she's out of ear shot. I turn my back to the gate, facing the cars instead. I can see Trace's car and Lynn's Mercedes parked out front. I can also see Justin's Escalade, still shining bright with its grey leather interior.
"Excuse me," I hear, freezing in my place as his voice paralyzes me, "Can I help you?" I close my eyes, taking a breath before willing myself to turn around. I watch as Justin's blue eyes widen in shock momentarily before they glide up and down my body.
"Long time, no see, huh?" I question with a small and nervous smile. Justin swallows hard before meeting my gaze. For a few moments, all he does is look at me, stone faced. He sniffs and flicks the tip of his nose before his emotionless face turns into a hurt one.
"What are you doing here?" he asks flatly, crossing his arms over his chest. As I think of something to say, I my eyes scan over his disheveled appearance. His pale skin and baggy eyes caused him to look almost sickly. The grotesque beard on his face seemed to have taken a life of its own, devouring his once baby-faced features. It took everything in me not to reach out and hug him. He looked terrible.
"I came to see you," I answer softly, "I wanted to see how you were doing." He lets out a small and unamused laugh as he rolls his eyes.
"How I'm doing?" He runs his hand over his head, "Three years too late, don't you think?"
"I know it's been a while, but I'm still concerned." He narrows his eyes at me.
"I'm great, Alonsha," he states sarcastically, "What guy wouldn't be great after being abandoned for three years?"
"I didn't abandon you," I correct, "I had to leave, Justin. I'd like to explain. . ."
"You should've done that before you left," he spat, "You know what? I don't know what you're trying to do here, but it's pointless."
"How do you know it's pointless if you don't know what it is?" I asked.
"Because it's you," he shot back, "Everything that has to with you is pointless, especially relationships."
"Justin, if you would just let me explain everything to you. . ."
"Explain what?!" he shouted, "There's nothing to explain. You got on a plane, and left. Plain and simple. You should've talked to me about things, but you didn't. Plain and simple. You didn't give two shits about me when I loved you the most. Plain and simple. Now I'm going to tell you something, get the hell off of my property, Alonsha. And if you ever place so much as a toe near this estate, I'll get your ass arrested for trespassing. Plain and simple."
"Fine, I understand," I say calmly, "I wasn't expecting you to be all open arms about things. But remember that I'm back in the same apartment. The number hasn't changed."
"Tell somebody who actually gives a fuck," he growled, "Leave. Now." I put my hands up in surrender as I slowly backed away from him.
"I just thought you'd want an explanation," I said as I got to my car, "I'm still willing to give one, just give me a call when you're ready to hear it." I watch his middle finger shot up at me and he smirked in a condescending manner.
"Justin doesn't give a damn about anything you have to say," he explained, "Just get off of my property!"
"I'm going, I'm going," I relented as I slipped inside the driver's seat of my car. I clicked on my seat belt and started the vehicle without a hitch. As I pulled out of the parking spot, I gave Justin a warm smile, only to get another finger in return. I continued to drive down the pathway and glanced in the rearview mirror long enough to see Justin watch my car makes its way down.
I sighed and gave Andre a wave on my way out. I knew things weren't going to be easy, but damn. He flipped me off. . . TWICE! I chuckled to keep myself from crying. Some part of me actually hoped that things would be happy and perfect. Justin would see me and give me a hug, saying that he missed me and wanted to be friends. It sounds very Barney-like, but that's how I wanted things to be.
Hopefully, things will get better.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Justin sighed as his hand covered his face. He had flipped her off, twice. Damn it, this isn't how he pictured things. Alonsha was suppose to come back alone and scared, begging him for his love again, wanting him to build her up. But she had come back with this aura of confidence. She was no longer slouching. Her body hadn't been shielded behind piles of sweats and tees, but was enhanced by a form fitting cami and hip hugging capris. She looked beautiful and it made Justin want to throw up.
How could she be happy after what she had done to him? She left two days before their one year anniversary. He had planned that beach date so perfectly, but couldn't even enjoy it. He had been too busy crying in his mother's arms, trying to figure out what he had done wrong to push her away. But she didn't care. She was too selfish to think about how her up and leaving affected other people.
Alonsha had just proved Justin right again. Women couldn't be trusted. All they did was take your love and treat it like trash before tossing it aside like it didn't matter. He hated her for it. She was suppose to be different. He actually saw himself marrying her somewhere down the line. But that didn't even matter because he had Cameron now.
"Who was that?" Lynn asked as she approached her son's distraught figure. Justin shrugged and continued to stare into space as he thought about what just happened.
"Alonsha," he answered, "She's back in LA." Lynn's shocked expression didn't seem to phase her son as he continued to walk toward his kitchen's back door. The whoosh sound of the sliding door caught Trace's attention as he poured himself as glass of water.
"You alright, man?" Trace smirked as he looked over at his friend's slightly open jaw, "You look like you saw santa in a thong." He chuckled to himself as Justin opened the fridge door in search of something to drink.
"More like Alonsha in my driveway," Justin told him as Trace choked on his water. Justin patted his back and took a seat on one of the stools by the counter.
"Are you sure?" Trace asked as Justin rolled his eyes.
"I know who Alonsha is, Trace," He fiddled with his nail's cuticle before sighing, "She looked so happy to see me." Trace swallowed the water in his mouth before sitting down across from his friend.
"After three years," Trace explained, "I would hope she'd be happy to see you." Justin shrugged.
"Why should she be happy about anything?" Justin snapped, "She doesn't deserve to breathe." Trace nodded and took another sip of his water.
"Did she explain why she left?" Trace asked curiously. Justin shrugged and licked his lips.
"What does it matter?" he asked, "Beside, I kicked her off of my property and flipped her off."
"You what?" Trace's disbelieving tone with accompanied by a frustrated groan, "What the fuck, man?"
"What? Did you expect me to sit there and listen to her babble a bunch of bullshit excuses?" Justin said, "I don't have time for that shit."
"Dude, that's all you've ever wanted to know. You drove yourself crazy over her. . ."
"That was before," Justin interrupted, "When she actually meant something to me." Trace raised a brow.
"And she doesn't mean anything now?" Justin confidently leaned forward, staring Trace straight in the eyes.
"Nope," he answered, "Everything I ever felt for her is gone. She means nothing to me." Trace stared at Justin for a moment before shrugging in response.
"If you say so," Trace said, "But I don't believe you." Justin rolled his eyes and sighed. He didn't believe himself either.
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