What Friends Are For
Justin hugged his long trench coat to his body as a cold fall wind hit him. It was November first, about a week after Trace's heart breaking call. The family was gathered in Memphis's main cemetary on the outskirts of Millington. Today was Sadie's funeral. The Timberlakes, Harlesses, Ayalas, and other friends were gathered on a small grassy hill, all dressed in black and mourning as the reverend read a piece of scripture. Justin tried to concentrate on the words of the Bible, but the sun's glare on his grandmother's white casket was a distraction, to say the least.
He honestly couldn't believe it. He knew in the back of his mind that one day she'd be gone. It was common sense- nobody lives forever. But his heart didn't want it to be true. The people he loved were suppose to be immortal. They weren't suppose to leave him when he wasn't ready to say goodbye.
"So, we ask God to take the beloved spirit of Sadie into his arms and embrace her in eternal love and peace." Justin didn't want God to embrace his Nana. He wanted to embrace her himself. He wanted just one more moment to tell her how much love was in his heart for her. To let her know just how much she meant to him.
Justin wiped away a tear that had fallen from his eyes as he watched her casket being lowered into the ground, six feet deep. Everybody lined up as planned and began to drop a rose into the hole. Justin stood behind his mother and rested his hand on her shoulder as the walked up. They were finally on the edge of her grave, staring down at the wooden shell around her. Lynn tossed the red rose gently and Justin stood back as she walked away toward Paul. He looked down into the darkness and reluntantly allowed the white rose to roll from his finger tips.
He turned away and walked slowly toward his mother's Mercedes. Trace was in the passenger seat, his parents in the back seat. He walked around to the driver's side and hopped into the car. He placed the key into the ignition, but didn't turn it. He simply stared ahead of him and sighed. His mind seemed to wander off to nowhere as he gripped the steering wheel, trying to hold back the fresh set of tears threatening to fall from his eyes.
Everybody sat there silently, allowing him to take a breath. They didn't want to push him to drive and they weren't going to ask him if he was alright. They already knew the answer to that question.
"Do you want me to drive?" Trace asked gently, "I don't want you to do it if you don't want to." Justin blinked and snapped out his trance. He offered Trace a weak smile and shook his head.
"Nah, that's alright," he assured, "I want to drive." With that being said, Trace nodded simply as Justin turned the key and put the car in drive. He slowly pulled onto the small driving path that went downhill. The car was completely silent as they followed behind the various cars ahead of them, all filled with family and friends. They all drove in a single file, double signals on and funeral stickers posted to their windsheilds. Justin glanced over at opposing traffic and rolled his eyes as people shot him impatient looks. But Justin remembered the times when he was one of those jackasses, heaving sighs because everybody was moving so slow.
It didn't take long to leave the main road though. Within twenty minutes, they arrived at Sadie's home. Everybody parked in the driveway and streets. Some parked on Lynn's property as well. Justin parked in front of Lynn's house as well and walked down the street with his mother, Paul, and Trace by his side. As soon as they made it through the door, Lynn headed into the kitchen to help with the dinner and the guys went their separate ways.
Everyone was lounging around the house, looking through photographs, or sharing their own individual story about Sadie. She was truly loved and missed. Justin wasn't in much of a social mood, but he decided to search for his grandfather. He looked outside on the porch before looking in the living room and kitchen. He made his way upstairs and walked down the long hallway. His fingers reached up to unbutton his suit jacket as he approached his grandfather's bedroom. He gently tapped against the wooden door before pushing it open.
His grandfather was sitting on the edge of king sized bed. His hair was neatly combed over and his glasses rested on his nose as he stared down at a photograph in his hands.
"Gramps?" Justin called softly. His grandpa turned toward him and smiled.
"Come here, son," he beckoned, "Take a seat." Justin did as told and took a seat next to him on the cream colored sheets.
"What's that?" Justin asked curiously. His grandfather smiled and lifted the photo so they both could see.
"This is a picture of your grandma and me," he explained, "This is when we first met at Berkley High." Justin examined the photograph. It was a brown tint in color and was scratched. He smiled when he saw the bushel of blonde Shirley Temple curls on top of Sadie's head. The pleated school shirt and starched shirt matched the sweater wrapped around her. Her cheeky smile matched his grandfather's grin. He was dressed in dark slacks, a work shirt and a sweater that matched his grandmother's. His arms were wrapped around her shoulders, hugging her for dear life.
"Love at first sight?" Justin asked. His grandfather chuckled and shook his head.
"Oh no," He smiled, "You're grandmother thought I was the most obnoxious clown to ever graced the halls of Berkley." He laughed again as Justin chuckled lightly.
"Really?" Justin was surprised, "I wouldn't have thought. Ya'll were so in love."
"Yeah," he agreed softly, "She eventually learned to love my obnoxious side." Justin smiled.
"How'd you know she was right for you?" Justin questioned, "I mean, she didn't like you, right? Why did you keep pushing on?"
"Because," his grandpa began, "I always lost her, but got her back."
"What?" Justin asked.
"She dated other men while we were in high school, despite the fact that I made my feelings for her quite obvious. She'd avoid me in the halls and skip movies if I went to go see them."
"Harsh. . ." Justin breathed.
"I know," He laughed, "But even though she did that, we'd end up together at the end of the day. Even when she left to go to Memphis, she came back because she got homesick."
"You're lucky," Justin commented.
"Believe me, I know," He sighed, "To think, I was this close to marrying Debby Wildler."
"Ms. Debby?" Justin nearly died from laughter, "The one who's always baking those cookies for you?"
"Yep," his grandfather confirmed, "Poor thing still isn't over me." Justin laughed.
"No wonder Nana shot her those dirty looks." They settled down and sat in a comfortable silence.
"Son," Justin looked at his grandfather, "Don't think too hard, okay?" Justin furrowed his brows with confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"Just. . .let things happen." He patted his grandson's knee and stood slowly, "I think I'm gonna go sit by the lake." His grandfather walked past him and left the room, leaving Justin alone with his thoughts.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
It's been about a week since I last seen Justin. I miss him. A lot. I just feel really bad about our fight. Granted, I was right and refuse to admit otherwise, but I guess I was snappy because of the whole Adam ordeal. Which I've been thinking about. I came to the conclusion that I can't be mad at him. He can't help how he feels, so what can I do? I respect him for being honest with himself and I'm glad he told me before we got too serious.
But back to Justin. He's been on my mind lately due to this funny feeling I've been having in the pit of my stomach. I don't know whether or not something's wrong, or if it's just guilt for being so impatient with him when we argued. I'm hoping it's the latter because the thought of something being wrong with Justin is sickening.
"Lonnie! Phone!" I hadn't even noticed the phone rang, but Tiffany was walking toward with the white cordless, "Lynn." she added simply before turning back down the hall to her room. I raised a brow and pressed the phone to my ear.
"Hi, Lynn," I greeted cheerfully, "How are you?" I can hear some shuffling in the background before Lynn clears her throat.
"Not so good, actually," I'm surprised to here that. Everybody usually gives the 'I'm good, you?' line.
"What's wrong?" I asked, almost desperately.
"Um. . .Sadie passed away about a two weeks ago," Lynn explained, causing my chest to tighten.
"Oh my goodness. . ." I breathed, "I'm so sorry, Lynn."
"Well, I appreciate that," Lynn said sincerely, "But I'm more concerned about Justin." I didn't know it was possible for a heart to beat so fast.
"Is he okay?" Lynn sighed.
"I don't know," she confessed, "He's been locked up in his room for the past week. He won't even eat unless I force him." Justin not eating his mama's food is definitely something to be worried about.
"I don't know what to tell you," I said softly, "I wish I could help."
"I was hoping you'd try," Lynn told me, "He hasn't spoken to anyone except for the occassional 'hi' or grunt of some sort, so I was thinking that he might talk to you." Me? If Justin doesn't speak to his own mom, I don't stand a chance.
"I don't know if he will, but if you want to test it out, I'll do it."
"That would be appreciated," I could actually hear her smile, "Thank you, hun. Just hold on a sec." I wait patiently and listen to Lynn knock on something before calling out to Justin. She tells him I'm on the line and to pick up in his room. I can hear Lynn hang out the moment his breathing flows through the phone. My mouth is dry all of a sudden as I think of something to say.
"Hey, Justin," I said gently. It's all I could come up with. I didn't want to ask him how he felt because I can only imagine what he's going through. He loved his Nana as much as he loves his mama. And that's a lot.
"Hi," he finally replies after a moment of silence. His voice is so dull it's scary. Justin's always perky, I'm not fond of this tone.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I know how much you loved her."
"You can't be sorry," Justin explained, "You didn't do anything."
"I know," I said, "I just don't know what to say-"
"Could you come down here?" Justin blurts out suddenly.
"To Tennessee?" I asked.
"Please?" Justin pleaded, "I just. . . I miss you." My heart fluttered at the thought of him missing me and it spoke before my mind thought through.
"Okay," I tell him, "I'll be there by tomorrow."
"Mike can get you now," Justin informed me, "He can be there in an hour."
"That'll be fine," I assure, "I just have to pack."
"Okay," Justin said softly, "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me," I smile, "You know I'm here for you."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Well, damn. Three hours have gone by and I'm already standing in front of Lynn's door. From the outside, you wouldn't know anything was wrong. But I know the inside will be different. I could've sworn I felt a chill when I rung the door bell. I hate being around sad people, especially since I care about them. Love them. Besides, I can't really take their pain away, so I'm useless too.
"Oh, Alonsha," Lynn greets the moment the door swings open, "It's so good to see you." She wraps her arms around me and I door the same. Her comforting fresh scent washes over me and the nervous knots that were forming in my stomach fall apart.
"It's good to see you too, Lynn," I said earnestly as we pull apart. She holds my hands and leans back to inspects me.
"You look so good," she compliments, "Justin's so excited to see you. I didn't even have to wake him up or make him eat. He was doing it all by himself." Whoa. I'm flattered because. . .Damn. I did all that? I can't even tell you how much Lynn's glowing when she guides me inside her house by my hand. Sitting on the living room couch is Mr. Harless and Mr. Timberlake with John and Steve at their feets. The two boys rise instantly and John hugs one hip while Steve hugs the other.
"Hey ya'll," I smile as I pet their heads, "Miss me?"
"Yeah," Stephen answers.
"A lot," John adds. I 'aw' and feel loved. Lynn smiles and I turn my attention to the men in front of me.
"Hello Mr. Harless," I greet, "And hello Mr. Timberlake." They both wave.
"How are you?" Mr. Timberlake asked.
"I'm good," I reply, "How are ya'll holding up?" They both shrug.
"Time makes it better," Mr. Harless answered. I nod.
"I'm sorry about everything." The smile weakly and nod also.
"I'm going to get Justin," Lynn speaks up, "I'll be right back." I nod and the boys finally peel themselves off of me.
"We've been drawing," Stephen said softly, "Pictures of Nana."
"Yeah, you want to see?" John asked.
"Sure," I told them before they rushed over to their previous spots on the floor to gather their papers. I take the time to take a seat on the living room chair. The boys are back at my side, sitting on either armrest. Their papers are on my lap as I browse through them. Every picture is a different scene. Some of Sadie cooking, others of just her face. I nearly cried. They really miss her to draw all this.
"That's of Nana and me when she took me to the lake," Stephen gushes.
"And this is when Nana tried to play basketball with me and Justin," I laughed as Johnny chuckles. I finishing looking at their artwork right before the sound of jogging feet enters my ears. I look and see Justin cascading down the stairs in sweats and a love sleeve shirt. His face is shaven, thank goodness, and his hair is a mess of short brown curls. He smiles softly at me while the boys leave my side. His arms open as he approaches me and I stand to accept his embrace. When we pull apart, he drops a peak on my cheek, resting his hands on the side of my face.
"I'm glad you're here," he said softly, "We'll be upstairs." Justin announces as he takes me hand to guide toward the steps. I don't miss the suspicious looks I get before I reach the top of the stairs. Justin's warm hand is still holding mine when we reach his room. He shuts the door before dropping my hand.
"So," I began cautiously, "How are you feeling?"
"Like crap," Justin answers honestly, "But you're making it better." I smile and nod.
"Okay. . ." I trail off.
"You look good," Justin compliments. Well damn, do I? I'm wearing jeans and a shirt with no make up and my hair's in a ponytail. . .
"Thank you," I told him politely, "You look good yourself. You shaved."
"I wanted to be groomed for Nana's. . .funeral." I feel things getting depressing, so I do the worst thing possible.
"Where's Cameron?" Why the hell does she come to mind the moment I run out of things to say?
"Europe."
"Did she call to check up on you?" I asked. Justin shook his head.
"I never told her about Nana," he explained, "Besides, she's mad at me again." He rolls his eyes and sits on his bed. He leans over and grabs a guitar resting against his nightstand. I watch as he places it on his lap and strums some strings.
"Aren't you going to tell her?" I asked.
"No," he answered absentmindedly, "What's the point? She's not coming down here."
"You can still tell her. . ."
"She didn't even know Nana," Justin angrily plucked a string, "Not that she tried to get to know her."
"Okay, enough about Cameron," I said, desperately trying to change the subject, "What did you eat today?"
"Breakfast. . ."
"And?"
"And. . . water?"
"Justin, I hope you're not talking about that tray of food over there." I gesture toward his bureau which has a plate of half eaten eggs, toast, and four pieces of bacon on it.
"I ate some eggs," Justin whined.
"Barely," I countered. He sighs and pats a spot on his bed. I walk over and sit next to him.
"I'm just not hungry, Lonnie," Justin breathed, "I haven't even slept in like two days." My heartstrings get pulled as I notice the bags beneath his eyes and take in his pale appearance.
"Why not?" I asked.
"I keep having this stupid nightmare. . ."
"About?"
"About everybody dying and leaving me alone," Justin told me, "One minute I'm at this huge party and everybody I know and love is all around and suddenly it's pooring rain and I'm in a graveyard. Every tombstone has somebody I love etched on it and there's an empty spot for me."
"That is scary," I mumbled.
"I know," Justin agreed, "But it's even scarier because it's true. Everybody dies, Alonsha."
"Well, yeah," I confirm, "But that's why you live life to the fullest and have as little regrets as possible."
"Gramps told me to not think too hard," Justin said, "I didn't get it until yesterday when we talked."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Justin told me, "I was thinking and debating about asking you to come down here. I was worried about Cameron and shit, but when I stop thinking, my heart spoke, and it told me to invite you."
"I'm glad it did."
"So am I," Justin smiled, "But I wouldn't have heard that if I blocked it out with all my thinking."
"So your grandpa meant listen to your heart and let things happen?"
"Exactly," Justin smiled, "You know, I haven't smiled in over week." I turn and look at him, noticing the small smirk across his face.
"Well, it's good to know I make you smile."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Justin walked out of his kitchen with a small smile spread across his face. He was just kicked out by his mother and Alonsha due to his picking habits. They were preparing dinner for gramps, Paul, and the boys. He made his way into the living room and sat next to inbetween his two younger brothers.
"Where's dad and grandpa?" he asked them as he stole the remote from Steve.
"They went to talk on the porch," Johnathan informed him. Justin nodded and flipped through the channels.
"Are you in love with Alonsha?" Justin's attention was caught by Stephen's innocent question.
"Yes," he answered quickly before correcting himself, "Well, no. . . I mean I love her, yes. But I'm not in love with her. Not anymore. I used to be. . ."
"Do you love her or not?" Steve asked impatiently.
"I love her like I love mama," Justin explained, "I don't love her like I love Cameron." Stephen wrinkled his nose.
"She's old."
"And she talks too much," John added.
"She's a good person," Justin argued, "And she's not old. She's older."
"She's old," Johnathan countered.
"Whatever," Justin dismissed, "Why the sudden interest in my love life?"
"No reason," John said, "You and Alonsha were hanging out a lot today."
"I was just showing her Nana's favorite things," Justin told them, "I'm taking her to the lake tomorrow."
"Can we go?" Stephen asked, "Please?" The Timberlake pout came across his baby face and Justin couldn't resist.
"Fine, but don't act up," he said sternly, "If you do, I'm throwing you into the water and John, your crush will be revealed."
"What?" Johnathan gasped, "Justin-"
"I'm kidding," Justin laughed, "She already knows." Johnathan turned a beet red before turning back toward the television.
"I liked it better when you didn't talk." Justin laughed and ruffled his hair.
"Love you too, buddy."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
I shift uncomfortable when the creaking of floor boards catch my attention. I look over at the alarm clock on the guest room's dresser and see it's three in the morning. My heart jumps when a knock comes from the door. I get up and walk over to it cautiously. I hold back a scream when my toe rams into the table leg as I blindly make my way across the room in the dark.
"Who is it?" I whispered.
"Justin." I open the door slowly and can see him standing in a white t-shirt and flannel pajamas, "I didn't mean to wake you, but I couldn't sleep."
"It's okay," I assure softly, "Come in." I move out of the way and open the door for him. He walks through and I push it shut gently.
"I had that nightmare again," Justin confesses, "I can't get back to sleep, so can I stay in here?" His child-like tone causes me to soften. Aside from the fact that I'm too tired to care, I just can't tell him no. He's been stressing out over his grandma and I'd do anything to make life a little bit easier on him.
"Sure," I replied, climbing back into bed. Justin takes the liberty to climb in after me. I turn on my side to face him and he does the same to me.
"This isn't weird or anything, right?" he asked innocently.
"Of course not," I smile, "Who doesn't share a bed with their ex?" Justin laughs lightly and looks up at me.
"Can I. . ." He trails off and sighs, "I mean, is it alright if I. . . Can you. . ." I watch as he stutters helplessly and stifle a laugh.
"Just say it."
"Would you hold me a little?" I laugh and Justin rolls his eyes, "Nevermind."
"I'm just playing, geez. . ." I told him with a smile, "I'll hold you." I lift my arm and Justin scoots over and rest his forehead in the crook of my neck. I lazily drape my arm over him and rub his back.
"Thank you," Justin said softly.
"You're welcome," I yawned, "Try to get some sleep, okay?" He nods against me and lays his arm over my waist. My hand subconsciously runs over his head and my fingers play with his curls. This is okay, right? I mean, we're not doing anything. . .
"Alonsha?" I take a moment to breathe when I feel his warm breath caressing my chest.
"Yea-Yes?" I stutter. My stomach begins to swarm with butterflies and I'm confused by my sudden speech impediment.
"What are you wearing?" I furrow my brows in confusion.
"What?" Justin pulls away and leans back to look at me.
"Your perfume," he explained, "You smell different."
"Oh," I said, "Tiffany brought me this almond-honey thing for my birthday. I just started using it." He looks over my features before returning to his previous position.
"Okay," he mumbled as he settled his arm around me, "You still smell nice."
"Thanks," I replied, "So do you."
"I don't have anything on," I felt Justin smile against my skin, "But thanks."
"You're welcome." I smile and we fall back into a comfortable silence. After a little while, I'm surprised to hear a light snore coming from Justin. I shift on the bed, trying to become more comfortable. Justin whimpers and rubs his head into my chest. I want to laugh, but I don't want to wake him. My arm is beneath his head, and it's starting to tingle from numbing. I try to move it, but Justin subconsciously whines. I roll my eyes and sigh.
I'm going to be sore in the morning.
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