Excuses, Excuses
Justin smiled as Cameron told a story about some New Yorker she met. He wasn't really amused though. Not because she wasn't funny, but because he was more focus on the interaction between Alonsha and her. They were going back and forth, exchanging funny tales around the kitchen table. Everybody is family laughed and followed along, but Justin was rather curious in the sudden liking they've taken to each other.
"Yeah, that's why I don't like New York," Cameron finished with a huge grin, "Justin loves it though. The nightlife and such."
"Don't I know it," Lynn smiled, "Even though I out partied him a couple of times." Everybody laughed.
"How could you let your mom out party you, Justin?" Alonsha asked rhetorically, "Like at the all white party you went to with JC." Every set of eyes fell on Justin as he continued to munch on his dinner salad. Only when he went to take a sip of water did he realize he was on the spot.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear the question," Justin said, giving a sheepish smile. Lynn playfully rolled her baby blue eyes and chuckled.
"You've been spacing out all day, Justin," she observed, "Are you okay?" Justin nodded and smiled.
"Yeah. . .yeah, I'm fine." His eyes drifted over to Alonsha's and he furrowed his brows as he glanced over at Cameron. Alonsha looked down at her cup and ignored his gestured.
"So, Alonsha," Paul cut in, "Do you need a ride to the airport tonight or is Justin taking you?" Justin choked on the a piece of lettuce and Alonsha sat up with wide eyes.
"I'm actually getting Cameron to drop me off," she answered quickly.
"Yeah, we leave in a few minutes, remember?" Cameron informed him. Paul nodded.
"Half past seven, right?" Cameron nodded as Justin silently glared in Alonsha's direction before wiping his mouth with a napkin.
"Alonsha, could I speak with you for a minute?" he asked as he stood. Before Alonsha could get a word in, he stalked out of the kitchen and into the living room. She sighed to herself and stood as well. Everybody looked at her sympathetically and confused as she tucked her chair in.
"Excuse me," she mumbled as she quickly walked out of the kitchen.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Man, I really don't feel like hearing what he has to say. I know what it's about though. I failed to mention my leaving. After my talk with Cameron the other night, I've been feeling guilty. Justin was her boyfriend and yet, here I was stealing all his time. It wasn't my intention, much like that stupid kiss. Damn it, now I've got that running through my mind. Not that I didn't before. Ever since it happened, I've been trying to convince myself that it was nothing. But the more and more I do that, I end up remembering some of the things I felt in it. The way I felt after. How I'm feeling now as the butterflies flutter around in this belly of mine as I approach Justin ridged form.
By the time I made my slow ass way to living room, I could see him standing outside on the porch. His back was to me as I stepped out onto the wooden outdoor floor. He glances over his shoulder with his hands on his skinny hips before turning around to face me completely.
"When did you decide to leave?" Justin asked. I stupidly shrugged.
"I just think it's time for me to go," I told him softly, "I've been here for over a week already."
"I thought you were staying for the rest of the week," Justin whined, "Why are you leaving now?"
"Because. . . I'm not needed."
"Says who?" Justin asked, "Did Cameron say something to you?" Yes. She said a lot more than what I wanted to hear.
"No," I said quickly, "It's just that you're doing much better now and Cameron's here to take care of you now. Besides, I have things to tend to at home."
"Can't they wait?" Justin asked.
"Well, anything can wait," I told him, "But I'm trying to get things out of the way. Besides, Tiffany's practically starving without me."
"Alright, I get that," Justin replied, "But why didn't you tell me your flight was today?"
"Because I knew you'd be pouting and asking a billion questions," I smiled, "Much like you're doing now."
"Well, I'm still complaining, so just stay for three more days."
"No can do," I said, "Everything's arranged. Tiffany's picking me up. The center expects me tomorrow afternoon and I promised Ally that we'd do some shopping tomorrow evening."
"So?" Justin shrugged, "I can have a jet fly you into LA whenever you want. An hour tops."
"Well, I already paid for my ticket," I pointed out, trying desperately to leave.
"The airport will give you a refund," I went to argue but he continued, "And if they don't, I'll pay you myself." DAMN IT.
"Why do you want me here so badly anyway?" I pouted.
"So I can figure out why you want to leave so badly," he countered, "This isn't about what happened, is it?" I try to act clueless, but fail miserably.
"No," I breathed, "Of course it isn't. That was nothing, Justin." Before our conversation can continue, Cameron and Paul emerge at the front door, my bags in hand.
"It's seven twenty-two," Cameron said, "We better get going." I looked down at my watch and realize that this is true. Justin breathes loudly and catches my attention as Paul and Cameron scurry down to her Toyota.
"Damn, you're packed and everything," Justin said sarcastically, "You really wanted to leave, didn't you?"
"It's not that I wanted to, it's that I needed to," I corrected, "I have a lot of work to catch up on. I already went away for three years, so I'm really not trying to make things worse."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Justin asked.
"Alonsha," Lynn called as she pushed open the screen door. I turned and smiled, trying to ignore Justin's angry glare.
"Yeah, I'm right here," I told her as she smiled in my direction, moving in for a hug.
"You stay safe, okay?" she told me, "Give everybody my love. Especially Farah. She's so cute." I smiled and nodded.
"Will do, Lynn," I said, "Thank you so much for having me."
"Oh, hun, I should be thanking you." She smiled and gave me another warm hug. I accepted the embrace as Paul came back up the stairs.
"You have a good trip," he told me while giving me a hug. I patted his back and nodded.
"I will," I said before turning to Justin. He stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest and I rose a brow.
"What?" Justin mumbled. I pouted and rubbed my hands over his exposed arms.
"I don't get a hug?" His hard stare softened as he opened his arms and enveloped me in a warm embrace. His hands ran up and down my back as he rested his chin on my shoulder.
"I'm still mad," he whispered in my ear before standing up straight. He placed a gentle kiss on my cheek and ran his hands down my arms. He offered me a small smile as he gave my hand a squeeze, "Be safe, woman." I smiled.
"I will," I said, reluntantly pulling away from him, "Bye, everybody." I gave a wave to the three folks standing on the porch as I made my way down the stairs. They all waved and smiled while I opened the passanger side door to Cameron's Hybrid. I stared out the window as she put the car in gear. Justin winked and I smiled to myself as we drove off.
I already miss him.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"Come in," Cameron said as the door to her guest room creaked open. She smiled when she saw her boyfriend's head peak through before his whole body came into view. He closed the door behind him and looked at Cameron up and down.
"Where are you going?" he asked curiously. Cameron was dressed in a pair of light blue jeans and a white sweater. Her hair was down and in choppy layers. A pair of white boots rested by the bed while she put in her diamond earrings.
"Out," she told him with a huge grin, "And with a sexy southern gentleman too." Justin raised a brow as she jumped up from the bed and walked over to him. Her hands rested on his slim hips as she stood on her toes to give him gentle kiss, "Get dressed, mister."
"What did you say to her?" Justin asked suddenly. Cameron furrowed her brows and stood up straight, her hands falling to her sides.
"Say what to who?"
"Alonsha," Justin said, "What did you say to make her practically run out of the door yesterday?"
"Nothing," Cameron breathed, "Why are you asking me this?"
"Because I find it really weird that all of a sudden you guys are all buddy-buddy and Alonsha leaves out of the blue."
"We just talked," Cameron confessed as she turned and walked over to her bed, "I didn't say anything to make her leave though."
"What did you say?" Justin asked.
"I just told her that I really love you and felt threatened by her presence."
"You admitted you were jealous?" He raised a brow and snorted.
"What?" Cameron asked, defensively, "I can't admit I was a little. . .envious of what you guys have?"
"So, that's all you said?" Justin asked, "No 'leave or die' lines." Cameron shook her head.
"No," she answered, "Okay, at first, when we were arguing, I might have said some things that were unneccessary and childish-"
"I knew it!" Justin interrupted.
"But," Cameron continued, "In the end, we bonded because she understood. She assured me that you guys were strictly platonic and that she had no intention of stealing you away from me."
"I've been saying that all along," Justin whined.
"Well, it sounds differently coming from her," Cameron mumbled, "Besides, she's actually pretty cool."
"I've been saying that too," Justin complained.
"Okay, sheesh. . ." Cameron smiled, "All of that drama is beside the point."
"Uh huh. . ." Justin mumbled.
"It is," Cameron said earnestly, "Tonight's about us rekindling what I let dwindle away because of my insane jealousy."
"Alright," Justin smiled, "What's the plan?"
"I'm not telling you," Cameron teased, "Go get dressed and I'll take care of everything else." Justin eyed her suspiciously before sighing.
"Fine," he groaned, "Should I be casual or go all out?"
"Just dress comfortably."
"Then I can go naked?" he asked causing Cameron giggle.
"I wouldn't mind, but I'm sure the cops will." Justin laughed.
"Jeans and shirt it is," Justin smiled as he turned and walked out of her room.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"So, she just forgave him?" Allison asked while tossing a cashew into her mouth. I nodded my head and idily swiveled in my desk chair. Allsion stretched her long legs across the length of the sofa before grabbing the remote from the coffee table.
"Seems a little easy, don't you think?" Tiff said while spooning some vanilla ice cream into her mouth, "She just automatically attacked you."
"I know," I finally say, "But she does hate me. . ."
"Not anymore," Ally sang, "Your the best of friends now." I snorted and turned back to my computer.
"Yeah, sure. . ." I mumbled as I clicked onto my inbox. Allison continued to chat with Tiffany as I deleted numerous amounts of spam. I finally came across a message from Randy Candy and smiled to myself while I clicked it open. My eyes scanned the message and my heart sank.
Hey, Lonnie, I just wanted to say wassup. I'm going to be home for a while longer, so if you need me, call my moms. Cam says hey and guess what else? We're doing great. Last night, we went to dinner and talked. Well, we laughed and I fell in love all over again. No kidding. Idk what it was, but we connected again. Anyways, we're getting some lunch right now. . . ttyl =)
"Are you okay?" I heard Tiffany asked, "You look a little constipated." Her and Al laughed and I playfully rolled my eyes.
"I'm fine, dumbass," I smiled, "Justin just emailed something."
"What did he say?" Allison asked.
"Him and Cam are hitting it off again," I said while shutting down the computer, "He's falling in love all over again." Tiffany's disappointed whimper matched my internal one and I felt even more unhappy. But why? This is what I wanted. For Justin to feel better and he obviously does. He's happy and I should be too. I just feel so. . .
"Ugh!" Tiffany grumbled, "This is so wrong." Allison and I both stared up at her.
"What?" Allison asked, "It's wrong that he loves his girlfriend?"
"Yes," Tiffany stated in a 'duh' tone, "She's wrong for him."
"Oh goodness. . ." Allison mumbled before turning up the volume on the television, "Look, Finding Nemo." Tiffany rolled her eyes and stood. Within three seconds, she snatched the remote from Al's hands, switched off the television and was kneeling in front of me.
"Lon, don't lie," she told me, "You're disappointed, aren't you? I saw it while you were reading the email." Part me is dying to nod and say 'yes', but another part is telling me I'm being ridiculous.
"No, I'm not," I sighed, "He's happy."
"Doesn't mean you have to be," Tiffany said, "Come on, you were lying when you said you didn't feel anything."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"The kiss, don't front now," Tiffany scoffed, "If it really was nothing, you wouldn't have been all nervous about facing him." This is true. When nothing really is nothing, there's no problem. Usually. But there's an exception to every rule. I was only nervous because he kissed me. So, that led some part of me to believe he might've been feeling something for me, which would be wrong. And I've never been in a situation when someone who was involved liked me anyway. So, I was just scared to approach him because I was in unknown territory. . .
God, what the hell am I talking about? See, this is why your friends can't go running around kissing you. It confuses you. But why does it? It was nothing, right? It was a comfort thing. All he wanted was comfort. Just. . .comfort. But what the hell was I looking for? Why was I kissing him back? Why was my 'automatic reaction' longer than half a second? Why are all my excuses suddenly not making any sense.
"Leave her alone, Tiffany," Allison scolded, "She told you it was nothing, so it was nothing. It was nothing, right?" I quickly nod my head.
"Right." Even I'm not convincing myself with that weak response, but it's all I've got, "I'm going to shower now. I have to be at the center bright and early." I scurry out of the room and roll my eyes to myself once I'm out of their view and tucked away in my bedroom. I know they saw right through me. Allison's been trying to defend my comfort excuse, but Tiffany's been interrogating me, trying to make me admit there was much more to it.
I just don't know who's wasting their time anymore. My excuses are a bunch of bull. I pulled them off the top of my head in panic and have been reusing them to the point where I wonder how anyone could believe them. Including myself.
I guess I just don't want to say that I. . .liked it. Kissing him. I know it's wrong, but it was felt so good. Just like it used to. I wonder if he felt the same way. . .
"What are you talking about?" I whispered to myself as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. He wasn't mine to like kissing. That stupid. . . thing wasn't even suppose to happen. I blame myself though. I should've just stayed in bed that night and questioned his whereabouts in the morning. But no, I had to ask him in the middle of the night while everybody was asleep and he was tipsy, lonely, and upset. No wonder Cameron attacked me. It looked like I planned it. Taking advantage of his shattered state. . .
Ugh, I'm getting a headache. Why am I doing this to myself? The kiss was good. So what? He's a good kisser. It would've been good to anyone. It's a generalized good. . . Yeah. It's just a good, good. Like how a toasty comforter feels good to anyone during a cold night. It's a universal good. Like chocolate and ice cream. . .
Or all that could just be another bullshit excuse I'm using to try and not admit that I might've enjoyed it a little too much. But I pulled away, damn it. Doesn't that count for something?
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