Sushi and Soulfood
I'm nervous.
Justin's coming over now. He called me and said he wanted to discuss what happened at his party. He waited a week to do this and in that time, I convinced myself that he was going to call things over. It hurts knowing that the moment he buzzes my apartment, we're through. I can't believe I'm losing him again. This isn't fair. I worked so hard to get here. He trusted me enough to let me take care of him when his Nana passed. He spoke to me about his relationship was Cameron. He called me Beautiful. . .
And I let my anger ruin whatever friendship we had.
I should've known Cameron's nicey-nice stuff was bullshit. She probably started with me just to cause this drama. I bet she'd have a field day watching me sweat bullets as I anxiously pace around my damn apartment. She knew I'd blow up like that. She chose the most sensative topic to exploit. But you know what really pissed me off? The fact that she saw right through me.
Well, I don't appreciate you drooling all over Justin, but that doesn't seem to bother you. . .
UGH! How did she know? Was I that damn obvious? What if Justin saw me too? What if that's the reason why he wanted to talk to me?
"Yo, door," Tiffany mumbled as she tiredly dragged herself into the kitchen. It's three in the afternoon and she just rolled out of bed. How sad.
"Just one minute!" I called as I looked over my appearance. I didn't even hear the buzzer. Maybe somebody let him in. What does it matter? He's waiting right outside that door. Maybe I shouldn't open it. I mean, if I don't hear him say it's over, than it's not over. Right?
"Can you open up today?" I hear Justin ask. I shake away my thoughts and take a deep breath. My hand cupped the doorknob as I turned the locks. The door seemed to creak open in slow motion before Justin walked inside. I shut the door and stood with my back to him for a moment.
"So. . ." I began as I slowly faced him, "How have you been?" He shrugged and dug his hands into his pockets.
"I've been good," he told me, "You?"
"Same," I replied, "Why don't you have a seat?" I gestured toward my loveseat and he walked over and sat down. I found a spot across from him on my sofa and placed my folded hands on my lap.
"Alright, well, I better start,” Justin said. I nodded waited for him to continue, “First off, I’m not mad,” Oh thank goodness, “But I am upset.”
“Oh,” I mumbled.
“You told half my birthday guests something I said to you in confidence,” Justin sighed, “Something I trusted you to keep between us.”
“I know,” I groaned, “I’m sorry, Jay. I was just. . . mad as hell. She told Elisha I had a drinking problem.”
“So I heard,” Justin said, “Elisha told me Cameron started it, so I know who’s in the wrong here,” He quickly wipes the tip of his nose, “But it’s the fact that you blurted out my business that has me upset.”
“Cameron-”
“I know Cameron pissed you off, Alonsha, but I know you’re the bigger person here,” He licked his lips, “You can’t let her get to you all the time. Don’t fight her everything, okay? You’re better than some petty argument that ends up fuckin’ us up.” I smiled shyly as I shrugged. His words had turned into some form of a compliment and I was left without a word to say.
“Fine,” I grumbled reluntantly, “I promise not to fight Cameron on everything,” I sighed, “So, are we cool?” I asked hopefully. Justin leaned back in his seat and shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he told me quietly, “I might need a little while before I can tell you anything again.” I pouted.
“Okay. . .”
“I’m kidding, Beautiful,” Justin chuckled, “But don’t go running your mouth to the Enquire, okay?”
“Okay.” I was deliriously happy that he called me Beautiful again.
“Lon?” I snapped out of my trance, but dreamily smiled in his direction.
“Yeah?” I could see him shift uncomfortably before he shook his head.
“Nevermind,” Weird, “What are you doing today?”
“Nothing,” I breathed, “Why? You wanna hang out?”
"Sure-" His sentence was cut off by his Coldplay's 'Fix You'. I watched as he flipped open his phone and pressed it to his ear, "Hey, Cam," Vomit, "Nah. . .Why does it matter?" He groaned, "We were just talking. . .No. . .Cameron. . .Yeah, I know. . . Now?. . .Why?. . .What thing?" What the hell was she saying to him? He looked so confused, "Okay, sure. . .No, I don't have anything to do. . ." You were going to hang out with me, "Okay. . .Alright. . .Okay, bye."
"It's cool," I said before Justin could speak, "You can go." He smiled sympathetically at me before standing.
"Sorry, but her sister just go in and she wanted to go out."
"It's fine, you don't have to explain," I assured, "Have fun." He leaned down and placed a kiss on cheek.
"I'll call you tomorrow and we'll go out, alright?" I nodded as he turned toward my door.
"Bye," I called with a small way. He smiled and opened the door. Right when he was about to step out, he turned back toward me.
"Um. . ." His lack of words caused my patience to wear out.
"Um what?" I asked.
"Nevermind." And he was gone. What the hell is up with his 'nevermind' business?
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
He was so bored.
He spent two hours shopping and listening to Cameron and her sister babble about random and pointless things. All he could do was think about how much fun he could've been having if Cameron hadn't called. But at the same time, he was glad he wasn't near Alonsha. Justin was beginning to question exactly where he stood with her. He started to feel there was a significant difference between where he wanted to be and where he needed to be.
I was thinking then it clicked one day. . .
He was beginning to think that maybe his heart was straying. It seemed to have detached itself from Cameron and was walking towards someone else. . .
But he didn't want to admit it to himself. Or anybody for that matter. Justin had never felt like this before. Whenever he was with someone, he was with them and them alone. Not now though. Not with Alonsha slowly stealing his heart again.
No one else has ever made me feel this way. . .
"Justin, are you coming with us?" Cameron asked hopefully as she unbuckled her seat belt.
"Uh. . .nah, I think I'll go home and chill for a bit," Justin told her, ignoring the disappointment that crossed her face.
"Okay. . ." she mumbled. Cameron's sister had already made her way inside of the Oasis Spa Resort, so the awkward silence that followed their brief conversation was deafening.
"So, I'll pick you up?" Justin questioned. Cameron nodded and leaned over. Justin saw her moving toward his lips, so he turned slightly and offered his cheek instead, "Call me, alright?" The semi-shocked expression left her face as soon as it came. With a smile and another nod, Cameron exited the car. She stood on the curb as Justin hurriedly drove off down Patterson Avenue.
She quickly covered her eyes with white frame sunglasses. The large, tinted lenses shielded her from the flashes of the paparazzi and kept them from seeing the tears forming in her eyes. Her quick and graceful stride imaged that of a confident woman. A strong, independent being that has it all. But it was an illusion. The steps she took failed to mirror exactly who she was - a torn and broken soul. Confused and frustrated by the actions of a man that supposedly loves her.
I still wanna be with you cuz I promised to. . .
But I feel something's going on going on with you. . .
Cameron quickly shook the negative thoughts that plagued her mind the moment she spotted her sister waving at her as she approached the front desk. Her white mini skirt showed off her toned and long legs as she stood tall. Cameron internally frowned at the radiance her sister had. She remembered when she once held that glow. A time where Alonsha Daniels only existed in unseen photographs.
"What's wrong?" Lydia asked worriedly as Cameron slowly walked up to where she stood.
"Nothing," she answered quickly, "I'm fine." She smiled widely for effect, but her sister wasn't convinced.
"Cam. . ." Lydia scolded, "Tell me."
"There's nothing to tell, Lyd," Cameron said earnestly, her fake grin never leaving her face, "I'm happy you're here, so let's just enjoy our time together, okay?" She draped her arm over Lydia's shoulders and hugged her briefly.
"Is it Justin?" Lydia pried. Cameron sighed and pulled away from her sister.
"Yes, it's Justin," Cameron said drily, "Now, let's drop it." With a small huff, she turned and walked down the long white halls of Oasis. Cameron could hear the heavy sigh that fell from her sister's lips as she trailed behind her. Cameron wanted to tell her sister exactly what she was feeling, but the thought of admitting Justin and her aren't the same was heartbreaking.
I can't believe what I feel is coming from what I love. . .
A part of her believed that not talking about it would put a stop to whatever was happening to them. But the reasonable side of her knew that ignoring the problem wouldn't make it stop. Yet, she continued to try and make it work. If pretending that he didn't turn away when she leaned in to kiss him meant that they could last a little bit longer, Cameron was ready and willing to do so. Because she loved him. More than she thought she could ever love another human being.
I still wanna be with you cuz I promised to. . .
But I feel something's going on going on with you. . .
But she was starting to suspect that he might not feel the same. Not anymore. Not since Alonsha came back into his life.
Where is all the respect? Got me questioning, is it an ex-girlfriend. . .
She'd have to be blind not to see that. In the beginning of the relationship, she was the one who didn't want to be close. She was the one stopping the public displays of affection. She was the one pulling away when he told her how strong his feelings were. Now the tables have turned. But instead of trying to get his heart, she was fighting to keep it.
You don't, you don't love me no more. . .
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"Justin?" I called as I cautiously walked through his front door. It was open for me when I got here and I extremely suspicious. Justin would never leave his door unlocked. That's practically suicide in Justin's world. Besides, someone like Justin can't be trusted. He likes to fuck with people when they're scared as hell. Believe me, I know. One time, he thought it would be hilarious to turn off all the lights and toss a Chucky doll at me when I wasn't looking.
Bastard.
"Hello?" I called again as I tipped-toed through his living room. The lights were on, so I wasn't as scared, but I'd feel a whole lot better if he'd just come out of whatever hole he's hiding in.
"Alonsha?" My attention is caught by Justin's voice. I look up in time to see him leaning over the banister in the hall, staring down at me in nothing but shorts.
"Hey," I greeted with a relieved sigh, "I thought you were lurking around here waiting to give me a heart attack." A chuckle escaped his throat and my stomach knots up when he smiles down at me.
"Nah," he dismissed, "Not today."
"Good to know," I mumbled as I tossed my purse on his coffee table, "What are you doing up there?"
"I was about to hop in the shower," Justin said. I sucked my teeth and plopped down on his coach.
"What were you doing between inviting me over and my arrival?" I asked.
"Stuff, dumbass," he smiled, "I'll be down in fifteen."
"Ten," I corrected.
"Twenty," Justin offered.
"Fine, fifteen," I relented. He puffed his chest out with pride before sticking his nose up in the air.
"That's what I thought," he snorted playfully before walking briskly down the hall. When he disappeared behind his bedroom door, I let out the breath I had been holding since I saw him. I could feel my heart doing cartwheels in my chest and I sighed heavily before I fell back onto the couch.
You can't know, oh no
You can't know
How much I think about you. . .
This is what he does to me now. My pulse quickens. My breath shortens. I can barely keep up my platonic act anymore. I can feel myself falling. . .
Literally.
I tripped up the stairs yesterday because I was so caught up in daydreaming about him. I'm an embarrassment to society. I shouldn't let someone do this to me. But he's not just anybody. He's Justin.
It's making my head spin. . .
He also isn't mine. As much as I hate to admit it, Justin still love Cameron. I know it. If he didn't, he would've broken up with her by now. He's not the type to string someone along. I wish he was though. That way I could have a glimmer of hope that all those times I caught him looking at me funny meant something.
I know, oh yes
I know that we can't
Be together. . .
Ugh. . .why? Please, just tell me why. My heart is the stupidest thing in the world. Why can't it ever fall for someone I can actually have? And my body? Don't even get me started. Just the sight of Justin leaning over that banister shirtless did things to me.
But I just like to dream. . .
"Hey, Lon." I snapped out of my trance as I heard Justin's pacing feet. He skipped the last three stairs and smiled triumphantly when he landed on his two bare feet.
"What?" I asked he pulled his gay t-shirt over his head, thankfully blocking my view of his stomach.
"I need help with Valentine's Day shit," he said while plopping down next to me. His soapy smell washed over me and I was somewhat comforted by the familiarity of his scent.
You sat down next to me, like poetry to wine. . .
"What shit?" I questioned.
"I don't know what to do." I was shocked by his words.
"What?" I asked in disbelief, "You don't know what to do for Valentine's Day?" I laughed to myself, but was internally groaning. The fact that he even cared showed that he still had something for Cameron.
"Shut up," Justin whined, "I'm fresh out of ideas."
"Did you feel that chill?" I asked dramatically, "I think hell just froze over." Justin laughed and shoved me playfully.
"Shut. Up," he smiled, "Help me or get out."
"Whatever, man," I dismissed, "I don't have to do either one."
"Alonsha. . ." Justin whined before slumping over defeatedly, "Please?"
"Why should I help you plan some romantic night for a woman I can't stand?" I asked, "Besides, I hate Valentine's Day."
"Since when?" Justin raised a brow.
"Since I don't have anyone to spend it with." I pouted and Justin smiled sympathically.
"Well. . .um, what happened to Sean?" I rolled my eyes.
"He was cheap," I explained bluntly, "Next."
"What about that Mike guy?" Justin asked.
"You mean the one who asked if Tiffany was available?" Justin laughed.
"Nevermind," he said with a grin, "What about Scott? You liked Scott."
"He was cute. . ." I mumbled in thought, "But he just doesn't do it for me."
"Well, damn," Justin smirked, "No wonder you don't have a Valentine. You're too picky." No, I'm not picky. It's just that none of them compare to him.
I want you
Or no one
No one else will do. . .
"Right," I said drily, "Back to this Valentine's plan."
"Okay," Justin clapped his hands together, "So, what's the plan?"
"You don't have anything?" I asked in disbelief."
"I have my bank account and my time," Justin chuckled, "Is that something?"
"You're so sad," I smiled, "Ugh, I can't believe I'm doing this."
"It's for me," Justin coerced, "Not Cameron."
"Eh," I mumbled, "If it's for you, I say order a pizza and call it a night."
"Shit, that sounds like a plan to me," Justin agreed, "But-"
"It's for Cameron too," I inserted, "I figured that, genius."
You, or no one
No one is the only one
To fill the empty space I hold for you. . .
I woke up the next morning only to find myself in a room that wasn't my own. I felt a hand on my stomach that was warm, but out of place. When I rolled over, I saw a face that was as angelic as I remembered it was in the early morning rays of the sun.
Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic. . .
Justin's so beautiful that it almost hurts knowing I could've still been waking up to him every morning if I didn't leave. My logical side says that leaving was a necessity, but my heart is telling me he would've been worth the torture of not being truly happy.
Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?
But I'm not truly happy now either. I'm perfectly content with myself, but I'm not. . .complete.
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later. . .
And you want to know why?
These words are my own
From my heart flow. . .
Because my other half is laying right next to me.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. . .
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Justin groaned as he tugged at the tie blocking the air passage in his throat. He had allowed Cameron to choose their dining spot and she chose to go to a new Sushi resturant in New York. The stuffy atmosphere was making Justin more uncomfortable than his suit and all he wanted to do was scream at the top of his lungs to get some form of noise in the place. It was quiet that he could literally hear a couple from across the room chewing on their seaweed wraps.
"Do you like it?" Cameron whispered as they took a seat. Justin finally got the knot in his tie to release its death grip from his neck and sighed with relief.
"It's okay." Cameron pouted, but Justin only looked out the large glass window next to them. The city lights glowed in the darkness of the night and made the New York look rather appealing.
"I'm going to get the steamed rice and salmon," Cameron announced. Justin rose a brow and picked up his menu. He peered at the options and felt his stomach recoil.
"Suddenly sushi doesn't look so good," Justin said, "But I can get that carmel dessert thing."
"You're not going to eat dinner?" Cameron questioned, "I thought you were hungry?"
"I am," Justin assured, "Just not for sushi."
"I thought you liked sushi," Cameron grumbled.
"I did," Justin said softly, "I just don't know about it now. I haven't had it in a while."
"Would you prefer some 'soul food'?" Cameron asked mockingly. Justin's expressionless face told her he knew exactly who she was referring to, but she chose to ignore his anger.
"You know what Cameron? Soul food sounds really good right now," Justin told her, "I wonder if Slyvia's still open."
"Why Slyvia's? Alonsha's open twenty-four hours a day."
"Don't even go there, Cameron," Justin whispered harshly, "She hasn't even done anything, yet you had to find some way to tear her apart."
"Stop defending her!"
"Stop attacking her!" Justin shot back, "God, this is Valentine's Day-"
"And you can't stop thinking about her." Cameron stood calmly as she gathered up her purse.
"Where are you going?" Justin sighed.
"Home," Cameron informed him as she stood with a huff, "I don't want to pretend like we're so in love when we're not." Justin sat there, paralyzed by her words.
"Is everything okay, sir?" Justin looked up in time to see a waiter hovering above him, watching Cameron hurriedly exit the resturant.
"Yes, everything's fine," Justin lied, "She just wasn't feeling well." The waiter nodded, "Here ya go." Justin handed him a twenty before standing up and pushing in his chair. He briskly made his way out of the trendy spot and jogged over to the parking lot. When Cameron was nowhere in sight, he panicked. His eyes scanned the surrounding streets, and he let out a breath he was holding when he watched her climb into a cab across the street. She didn't bother glancing his way as she did so, but Justin didn't bother calling out to her. The last thing he needed was to cause a scene.
He tiredly trudged over to a blonded hair Valet and requested his black BMW. Within a matter of seconds it, the car was pulled up and he climbed inside. Justin clicked on his seat belt as a long yawn escaped his mouth while he headed off into the street. His fingers idily drummed against the leather steering wheel as he thought over Cameron's words.
I don't want to pretend like we're so in love when we're not
Harsh words. But it wasn't too like she hadn't blown up at him before. She could've been having fit with him because she was angry at something else. Maybe she was having some sort of mood swing. Or, maybe she was finally saying something she's truly been feeling.
Justin didn't know. He couldn't tell if that's what she meant or if she meant nothing at all. All he knew was that he was starting to feel that way. At least he thought he did. But he could be wrong. It could be a rough patch. Cameron and him might just be in a phase. What if it passes in time? He can't just give up on them. Love took time and effort. Cameron might not be the easiest person to deal with but he knew in his heart that she loved him. That definitely counts for something. Her love definitely deserved a chance.
Song Credit(s):
"Two of Us" - 'Nsync
"You Don't Love Me No More" - Natalie
"Flying High"- Jem
"I Want You"- Rachel Yamagata
"These Words"- Natasha Bedingfield
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