The Wrong Right
February faded into March, which slowly turned into the rainy days of April. May would be arriving soon as well, two weeks to be exact, and Justin had yet to convince himself that him and Cameron were still in a 'rough patch' phase. He honestly tried to make Cameron and him work. Romantic evenings were plan. Getaways occurred. The beginnings of deep conversations were even initiated, but none of it seemed to be working. The moment he thought Cameron and him were making progress, an argument would come along and put them back where they started. Heated discussions weren't the only cause of Justin's sudden lack of faith in his relationship, there was Alonsha as well. An innocent bystander in all of the chaos, but seemingly the center of it all.
Why?
Because it's becoming increasing harder for Justin to honestly say they're just friends. Alonsha hasn't done anything in particular, but Justin, himself, was guilty. He had his fair share of unnecessary caresses and flirting, but the fact that Alonsha wasn't complaining only encouraged his behavior. Justin wanted to know why she didn't fight him a bit harder when he playfully tackled her; the way she used to. At the same time, he didn't. The thought of Alonsha possibly. . . liking his affectionate ways was enough to make his mind wander.
It scared him. Those sometimes lustful thoughts in the back of his mind that seem to overwhelm him when Alonsha was close enough. Those butterflies that fluttered clumsily in his stomach whenever she laughs at one of his stupid jokes. The swelling of his heart when she hugs him and whispers things will be fine after he babbles about his future worries. Everything about her was beginning to make every part of his mind, body, and soul quiver, longing for more of whatever she had to give.
Justin was slowly driving himself insane with all those feelings. He just wanted to tell Alonsha how he felt, but whenever he tried, he'd end up chickening out. Not only because of his fear of rejection, but because of the guilt he felt when the thought of Cameron entered his mind. Stringing someone along was never something Justin was fond of, but he didn't know how to break up with Cameron. He didn't even know if he really wanted to. She still loved him, he knew that. But the questioned that plagued him was if he loved her too.
"Justin, dude, you have to stop doing that," Trace whined as he nudged his friend for the fiftieth time, "Pay attention." Justin cleared his throat and sat up straighter in the wooden chair he was in. His eyes glanced over what seemed like millions of women giggling and laughing as the complimented each other's figures.
"What do you think?" Lynn asked, twirling around in her ivory dress. Justin smiled and nodded approvingly.
"You look good, mama," Justin said, "Don't out-do the bride." Lynn chuckled.
"I can't help it if I look this good." Justin laughed and slapped his knee in amusement, "I'm just kiddin'," Lynn sighed after receiving a pout from Elisha, who was now sitting comfortably on Trace's lap.
"No you weren't," she sighed, "It's okay. I'm fat and ugly, you're not. It's only right that you out-do me." Trace hugged her slim waist and kissed her bare arm.
"You're not fat or ugly," he argued, "You're gorgeous, baby. So gorgeous that even Lynn can't out-do you."
"Mmmhmm. . ." Elisha grumbled before drapping her arm over his shoulder and leaning on him, "So, are we satisfied, ladies?" A dozen bright faces turned toward her and nodded, "Boys?"
"What?" Justin asked automatically.
"Are you satisfied with the appearances of these lovely ladies?" Elisha asked. Justin shrugged.
"I guess," he said, "Can we leave? My ass is getting numb."
"'Cause you've been sitting on it all day," Lynn teased.
"Well, what was I suppose to do? Try dresses on with you?" Trace opened his mouth to speak, "Shut up," Justin said quickly.
"I wasn't saying all that," Lynn huffed, "You could've helped with colors and designs. Or even help zip the girls up." Justin wrinkled his nose.
"Nah," he sighed, "Sitting on my ass seemed more productive." Lynn rolled her eyes at her son before turning back to the mirror behind her.
"Ya know," she began, "You might want to pay attention to every detail of this wedding."
"Why's that?" Justin asked absentmindedly as he lazily skimmed through a bridal magazine.
"Because. . ." Lynn sanged, "Wedding bells will be ringin', angels will be singin'."
"Lay off the pipe, mama," Justin chuckled, "I ain't getting married."
"I said I wasn't getting pregnant, yet, here you are."
"Mom. . ."
"Justin. . ."
"Okay, I'm going to stop before my whole day is ruined," Justin said as he stood, "Can I be excused?"
"How long will you be gone?" Lynn asked over her shoulder.
"Forever," Justin quipped.
"Ha, ha," Lynn said drily, "You can leave, but call me tonight."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Justin smiled, "Love ya, mama."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Lynn mocked. Justin smiled and quickly walked out of the small LA boutique. As as his Nikes hit the cement sidewalk, the sounds of flashing cameras were heard. He sighed and rolled his eyes, keeping his head low, but glaring at a photographer across the street. It still amazed him how quickly they could find him, even when he tried his hardest to be unseen.
Justin's walk ended once he reached his black BMW. He hopped inside and felt somewhat secured within the confines of his vehicle. Pulling off without a second thought, Justin quietly drove down the busy LA street, his eyes wandering around to catch glimpses at potential outfits in a Bloomingdale's window display. It didn't take long for his mind to close in on itself and focus on a topic that never failed to hold his full attention.
Alonsha.
When the sun fades into the night
And my thought drift across the day. . .
He wondered what she could be doing right now. What she was wearing. What she was thinking. Eating. Drinking. Breathing. Just anything. . .
There's a feeling I am holding tight
And I'm thankful that you're just a prayer away. . .
He would normally just call and ask, but within the last week, she's taken a strange change in behavior. She suddenly became so busy that she pushed back their dates to hangout and dinners to eat. Justin began to fear she felt smothered by his presence. Ever since Cameron started working out and spending less time at home with him, he's been free to share his every moment with Alonsha. And he did. Whenever she was available, he was right there, ready for a movie night or just a drive around LA. It was fun for the both of them. They could really enjoy each other's company without the watchful eye of Cameron.
I've been longing for the one who shares my heart. . .
He really hoped that she was truly busy and not trying to discreetly shove him aside. But he knew Alonsha wouldn't do that. If anybody was going to tell him to fuck off, it would be her. The thought made him smile. He actually missed her cursing him out. Playfully, of course. Any argument was never fun, but with Alonsha, it meant weeks without speaking.
Come a little closer
You're my confidant
You're the one who comforts me. . .
He couldn't imagine not speaking to her everyday anymore. Justin had grown too attached. Alonsha and him were practically inseparable again. Even when she was busy, they spoke on the phone for at least an hour. The conversation was pointless and random, but that's what made it so good. That's why speaking to her was more fun than speaking to anybody else.
It's so hard in this shallow age
To find a more faithful friend. . .
The sudden vibrations of his flip phone caused him to snap out of his thoughts, "Hello?"
"Hey," Alonsha sighed happily into the phone, "Where are you?"
"Driving back home," Justin answered with a grin that was now impossible to get rid of, "Why? Where you at?"
"I'm about to pull up to your gates, man," Alonsha chuckled, "That's some weird shit."
"Great minds think alike," Justin smiled.
"Please, don't insult me by comparing our minds togethers," Alonsha huffed.
"Well, damn," Justin whined, "I didn't even say anything-"
"Calm down," Alonsha interrupted, "I was just joking, damn."
"Whatever," Justin mumbled, "Why are you coming down to my place anyway?"
"I can't just visit you?" Alonsha asked as though she were offended, "Last time I put some effort into this friendship."
"Shut up," Justin laughed, "You are such a drama queen."
"I am not," Alonsha argued.
"Are to," Justin shot back.
"Am not."
"Are to."
"Am not," Alonsha stressed.
"Are-"
"Say something again and I'm kicking your ass the next time I see you," Alonsha threatened. Justin chuckled and sighed.
"You are funny," he commented, "Hilarious, actually."
"Thanks," Alonsha said drily, "Now hurry up so we can talk."
"Talk?" Justin questioned, "About what?"
"About. . .something," Alonsha answered vaguely, "It's important, so hurry up."
"Are you serious or fucking with me so you can eat my food faster?"
"I'm serious, dumbass," Alonsha laughed, "I'm waiting, okay?"
"Alright," Justin said, "Be there in a few." He hung up and tossed his phone into the empty passanger seat. Justin subconsciously pressed down on the gas pedal and sped down the street. His heart seemed to beat twenty times faster the closer he got to his home. The thought of seeing Alonsha kept the smile on his face and caused butterflies to once again flutter in the pit of his stomach. He knew he was wrong for being so caught up, but it's what she did to him.
When I call on your sweet name
You're right beside me and you stay until the end. . .
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
I know I'm wrong for doing this so last minute, but here I am. Waiting for Justin to pull up so I can make him angry by announcing my permanant move to Philadelphia.
Yeah, you heard right. Permanant. At least that's what Chris says. This stupid move was suppose to last for the months of May through November, at the most. But now, Chris is telling me some shit about not being able to keep me.
'We're overstaffed. I'm sorry.'
What kind of shit is that? Overstaffed? Is that even possible? When do people complain about having too much help? And why do I have to be the extra weight here? I don't understand why I have to go. I bet he's still bitter about my up and leaving three years ago. . .
But Chris wouldn't do that. If this really was some twisted plot of his to get back at me, why would he apologize so much for it? I swear, if I get another 'I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do,' I'm gonna kick somebody's ass. Most likely my own since I'm so dumb for waiting to even let Justin know about this situation. He's going to kill me. Hate me. Throw my ass over a bridge.
"Whaddup!?!" Justin's yelling voice shook me out of my thoughts and I rolled my eyes as he parked next to my car and hopped out. I was already sitting comfortably on the hood of my Honda, so I only stood to accept his bear hug.
"You are so dumb, I swear," I smiled as we pulled apart.
"What did I do?" Justin asked innocently. Instead of answering and leading us into another one of our pointless conversations, I hooked my arm into his and pulled him toward his stairs.
"Let's just talk, okay?" Justin grunted and slowly walked along side of me.
"Why do I get the feeling I'm not gonna like this?" Justin asked. I didn't say anything, not wanting to make him feel bad before the news was even heard. He seemed to have noticed my lack of words and quickly unlocked the door, "It can't be that bad, Beautiful."
"I really wish I could say that," I mumbled as I reluntantly let go of his arm. I'd never say this out loud, but Justin holding onto him in those few seconds made me feel like we were a couple again. I know, it's sad.
"Girl, stop being so negative," Justin chuckled awkwardly, "You're bringing me down."
"I'm sorry, but you're gonna be mad and things are just going to fuck up all over again. . ." I sighed, "Don't be mad."
"I can't promise you that, but I'll try not to be." That basically means he's going to have a fucking fit when I say this.
"Fine," I grumbled, "Try to understand that this took some time because I didn't know how to say it."
"Okay," Justin nodded, "Go ahead."
"Well," I began, taking a seat on his lush sofa, "You know the whole expansion thing?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I'm part of it," I said quietly, "Permanantly."
"What do you mean?" Justin asked, taking a seat right next to me. I inwardly groaned, wishing he could just get it rather than me having to explain myself. I glanced up into his eyes and watched as they quickly searched mines for answers.
"I'm moving," I finally said, "To Philadelphia. Permanantly." I looked away and heard a breath escape Justin's lips. The image of his disappointed expression was now in my head and I felt my stomach knot up with nervousness the moment he spoke.
"Why?" he asked simply.
"Because the center's apparently 'overstaffed' so the newest counselors have to leave," I explained.
"That's such shit," Justin grumbled, "What's one more employee?" I shrugged.
"I'd stay if I could."
"Fuck the center," Justin spat, "Just get another job."
"I can't," I whined, "I love my job, Justin. I'm not going to throw it to the side like it's nothing."
"So you're going to move all the way to Philadelphia?" Justin asked in disbelief.
“If that’s what I have to do, then yes,” I told him, “I want to continue helping these kids.” The roll of his blue eyes didn’t go unseen, but I decided to ignore it. I knew he was going to be upset, so I was semi-prepared for this.
“This is such shit,” Justin groaned, “Just bullshit. Why- What- fuck it.” I watched as he stood and paced around the coffee table.
“I leave on the fourteeth,” I informed him, “We still have time to chill. I’ll be home for holidays and there’s always phone calls and emails.”
“It’s not. . . It’s not the same,” Justin breathed, “Damn, you just got here.”
“A year ago,” I reminded, “But it still sucks, I know.”
"No, you don't know," Justin argued, "You're leaving me. Again."
"It's not my choice," I said earnestly, "Justin, I'd stay if I could."
"You can stay," Justin told me, "You're choosing to go."
"I'll lose my job if I stay, Justin," I groaned, "I can't afford to do that."
"The center wasn't paying to squat anyway," Justin said, raising his voice, "You can flip burgers and get more money."
"You know what, Justin? I'm sorry we all can't make millions doing what we love," I said softly, hurt that he would even say such a thing, "Being a counselor means much more to me than money."
"This is just such shit, Alonsha!" Justin shouted in fustration, "I mean- What the fuck were you thinking telling me this now!?!"
"Stop yelling!" I stood up as well, but was nowhere near his stance, "I already told you this was hard for me. I was even thinking about not going, so I didn't want to tell you until I was sure."
"This is-"
"Shit? I know," I interrupted, "You saying that isn't helping."
"Neither is you telling me this bull three fuckin' weeks before you're leaving." He's so right about that.
"I was trying to find a way to tell you without it turning into some huge deal."
"How can this not be some huge deal?" Justin questioned, "You're leaving."
"I know! Okay!" I shouted, "Stop fucking reminding me." Justin bit his bottom lip and ran his hands through his short curls angrily.
"Leave," Justin said quickly. I looked up at him like he was crazy.
"What?"
"Get out," he said firmly, "Now." Instead of arguing again, I turned my back to him and stormed off. I made sure to slam the door behind me before I briskly walked down to my car. This wasn't the way it was suppose to go down. He was suppose to get upset, but support me. He was supposed to tell me he'd miss me and promise to spend as much time with me as possible.
But, as usual, it didn't go the way it was suppose to. I hate this. I don't want to be fighting with him. An urge to run back up his stairs and beg him to just understand comes over me, but my pride doesn't allow me to do it. Yet, my heart won't allow me to get inside of my car and drive away.
I can't just stand here all day. I know Justin isn't going to let me in even if I tried to walk back up his stairs. He's probably watching me though, wondering why the hell my keys are in the door, but aren't turning.
"What are you doing?" My head snapped in the direction of the voice and I was met by Cameron's glare. When the hell did she get here? I didn't hear her car pull up, "Hello!"
"Leave me alone," I groaned before turning away from her. I finally gained some control of my body and was able to open up my car door.
"You're leaving. Good." I heard Cameron's heels clicking against the stairs and the jiggling of keys before I felt the stinging of tears in my eyes. What the fuck?
"Whatever," I mumbled as I hopped inside of my car and settled into my seat. I shut the door and put on my seat belt. Right before I pulled off, I saw Justin's figure appear from behind his door. He took a quick glance at my car before greeting Cameron with a passionate kiss. I watched in horror as Justin kissed her hand as well and heard her giggle. The smile on Justin's face hid any sign of the anger and sadness he was feeling just minutes before.
I felt a tear sliding down my cheek as Justin led Cameron inside and shut the door behind them. A whimper had somehow escaped my throat and caused more tears to fall. I hated seeing him act all happy after we had that huge fight. I hated watching him kiss her. I hated the fact that I'm crying over someone who has no idea what his little romance is doing to my heart. I'm actually jealous. Of Cameron, that is. I can't stand her, but at the same time, I envied her. She has everything I want.
She has Justin.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Justin groaned as he fell onto his back. His chest heaved as sweat lined his forehead. His heavy breaths mimicked Cameron's as they both stared up at his ceiling. The silence in the room was interrupted by Cameron's small laugh.
"That was so good. . ." she purred, "Mmm. . .Justin, we have to do that more often." Justin smiled weakly and felt Cameron's dampened skin against his as she rested on his chest.
"It's been too long," Justin chuckled, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Cameron nodded her head and smiled. The silence returned and Justin continued to lazily pat Cameron's hair. His heart tightened in his chest as guilt and sadness washed over him.
He had just used Cameron. For her body. He cheapened something that was suppose to be sacred. Used it as a distraction. The whole time him and Cameron were making love, all he could think about was Alonsha leaving. He wanted to fuck the pain away. And he did. For the last two hours, he was numb. He didn't feel the urge to scream or punch a wall. He didn't feel his heart breaking with the thought of saying goodbye to Alonsha or the worry of her never coming back.
All he felt was the temporary euphoria Cameron's heated body provided. He didn't hear Alonsha saying she was leaving him again, only Cameron's moans. But, now that it's over, everything's back. The worry. The pain. The anger. And now there was guilt to deal with as well.
"What's wrong?" Justin snapped out of his thoughts as Cameron shifted in the bed so she was laying horizontally. Her head was now resting on his stomach while her long legs hung over the edge. Justin's hand tucked pieces of her blonde hair behind her ear before resting on her cheek. Her cyan eyes stared up at him expectantly and her hands ran along his stomach.
She was beautiful. Inside and out. Justin knew that she thought this was just a good day in there relationship. An argument free day that means they're getting better. But it wasn't and they weren't. At least Justin wasn't getting any better.
"Jay?" Cameron said softly, nervously biting her bottom lip.
"Yeah?" Justin said distractedly.
"Is everything okay?" He nodded.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied, "Everything's fine."
"What was Alonsha doing here?" Cameron asked suddenly, "She was about to leave when I came up." Justin sighed when she mentioned leaving.
"Nothing," he grumbled, "She wanted to talk. We talked, she left."
"She looked upset," Cameron said, "Not that I care."
"Well, I don't care either," Justin told her.
"Whoa, that's a first," Cameron chuckled, "I guess this conversation was more of an argument."
"Can we drop this?"
"No, just tell me what happened," Cameron said. Justin looked down at her and saw the small smirk on her face. It sort of disgusted him that she was getting so much pleasure out of Alonsha's pain, but he was too mad to say anything.
"She's moving to Philadelphia forever and decided to tell me three weeks before she's leaving," Justin explained in one breath, "Happy? Good. Now let's drop it."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Cameron said, sitting up in the bed, "Why is she moving?"
"That stupid expansion shit I was telling you about," Justin breathed, "She apparently has to go or she'll lose her damn job." Cameron nodded.
"Sucks for her, huh?"
"Yeah, it just sucks for her, Cameron," Justin groaned as he rolled his eyes, "I really don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm pissed as it is."
"Why?" Cameron asked, "She's moving, big whoop. She'll find some way to still be permanantly attached to your ass."
"Cameron- just. . .shut up, okay?" Justin angry shoved his sheets aside and walked over to his bathroom. He slammed the door shut behind him and left Cameron completely dumbfounded.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"So, what now?" Tiffany asked, "You're not going to let this 'fight' go on forever, are you?" I shrugged.
"Alonsha Claire Daniels," Allison scolded, "I refused to allow your ass to sit back and let your friendship deminish." I shrugged again.
"I don't think she hears us," Tiffany said to Ally, "Maybe we should make ourselves a bit clearer." My interest is peaked.
"I think we should," Allison agreed. She stood from the floor and walked around the sofa I was laying on. I was far too tired and depressed to even care about what she was doing. That is until she came back into the room with the cordless in her hand. I looked at her, trying to seem as though I was completely disinterested in whatever she was doing.
"Let me talk," Tiffany said, taking the phone from Allison and putting it up to her ear, "Damn, it's still ringing." That's when it hit me.
"Hang up," I said as I tried to stand. Allison had the gull to sit on me to prevent any movement on my part. I could barely breathe, "Get off of me, dumbass."
"Justin!" Tiffany's excited voice caused my eyes to shoot over toward her, "It's Tiffany. . .I'm good. . .Everybody's fine. . .How's everybody over there? . . . Really? That's awesome. . .Uh huh. . .Cool, cool. Well, lookie here, Blue, I'm calling on behalf of Alonsha-"
"Tiffany!" I whispered harshly, only to be ignored.
"No, she's fine. . . She didn't call you herself because she's stubborn. . .Of course you can talk to her. Just hold on a sec." The moment Tiffany turns in my direction, a smug ass smile is on her face. I squirm beneath Allison's weight and turn my back to her. I am not talking to him. I don't even know what to say.
"Alonsha," Tiffany sang, "Phone."
"I'm not here," I said drily.
"Looks like you're here to me," Allison countered.
"Fuck you," I bit back before I felt the phone against my ear. I tried to fight Tiffany, but it was no point in leaving Justin on the line like this.
"Hello?" The moment his voice met my ear, I sighed, defeated and tired.
"Hey," I replied.
"Hi," Justin said. We both stayed on the line silently and I rolled my eyes.
"How are you?" I finally asked.
"Good, I guess," he told me, "You?"
"Eh. . ." He chuckled lightly.
"Yeah, I know the feeling," Justin cleared his throat, "So. . . You had to get Tiffany to call me?"
"I didn't get her to do anything," I argued, "She's the one who volunteered."
"So I take it that you don't want to talk to me."
"I didn't say that," I mumbled, "I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't know what to say. I still don't."
"Same here," Justin admitted.
"You're not still mad, are you?" I asked innocently. I could almost hear him smile.
"No, I'm not mad," Justin said, "I'm. . . upset. I really don't want you to go."
"I don't want to either, but you know. . ."
"Yeah, I know. . ."
"I'm sorry for telling you so late," I apologized, "I really wasn't sure if leaving was worth it, so I didn't want to tell you and then change my mind, you know?"
"Yeah, I get it," Justin sighed, "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said all that shit about your job. You're a brilliant counselor, Alonsha. I don't know how you can handle the stress of it all."
"It's okay," I assured him, "You were upset."
"It was still wrong," Justin said, "Doing what you love means sacrifice. I should know that better than anyone. If you have to move to do your job, than I support your decision to do so."
"I appreciate that," I told him softly, "Shit, I wish it didn't take us an entire week to discuss this like human beings."
"I know," he laughed, "We wasted valuable bonding time."
"Yeah. . ." I agreed, "But we still have two weeks."
"We sure do," Justin paused, "Are you busy now?" I looked around my living room and frowned at the empty pint of Edy's.
"No," I told him, "Why? You wanna hang?"
"Yeah," Justin said, "I actually need to talk to you."
"Okay. . ."
"I'll be there in an hour, okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine," I told him.
"Alright then," Justin said, "Later, Beautiful."
"Bye." He hung up and I pressed the 'talk' button on my phone.
"See, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" Allison said, finally getting her dumbass off of me.
"No, but it could've been easier if somebody wasn't sitting on my lung," I groaned, "Ya'll are a bunch of bitches."
"Bitches that got your 'friend' back," Tiffany teased, "So, he's hanging with you, huh?"
"Coming over in an hour," I informed her, "Which is why you guys must leave."
"Oh, oh," Allison smiled, "I think Lonnie's gonna show JT where he needs to be." They laughed and fought the smile that was forming on my face.
"No, I'm not," I told them, "He wants to talk."
"Maybe he's going to finally admit he's madly in love with you," Tiffany said while raising a brow.
"Or maybe he's gonna bitch about Cameron," I argued.
"Ugh, why won't he just drop her already?" Allison asked.
"Because he loves her," I explained.
"Or not," Tiffany mumbled. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Are ya'll leaving or not?" I asked as I impatiently tapped my foot.
"Yeah, we're leaving," Allison said as she slipped on her flip flops which were in the middle of the living room.
"We'll be at Al's," Tiffany informed me as she walked over to the door and slipped on her sandals, "Call us if you need anything."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said, waving them off, "Go."
"Damn, we're going," Tiffany ran over to me and kissed my cheek, Allison did the same. I watched as the two girls walked out of my apartment, laughing at something. Most likely me. They're probably thinking I'll be getting some Timberlake loving. Shit, I wish.
It really sucks knowing that our conversation is going to be about Cameron. It always is. I'm so sick of hearing about how bad he feels for not feeling her anymore. I want to, for once, hear him say he was having feelings. Feelings for me, to be exact. It'll be music to my ears, but it'll never happen. I'm just a friend now. Nothing more.
I just want to tell him being his friend is no longer an option for me. That boat sailed away months ago. I can finally admit that he has my heart again. I love him. I know I do, even if I won't say it out loud. It hurts to love him. It hurts seeing him fight so hard to keep him and Cameron going, but he doesn't even see that I've fallen for him.
Not that I'm obvious. I'm not throwing myself at him or anything. I would never do that. A fear of rejection, I suppose. If I did tell him how I felt, he wouldn't give me a chance again. Not after what I did to him. Justin might forgive me as a friend, but as far as a relationship goes, I'm still in deep shit. Trust is a huge thing when it comes to Justin and I broke the trust he had in our love.
By the time I finished depressing myself even more, showered, and cleaned up the apartment some, Justin had buzzed my apartment and was making his way up. I glanced over my appearance in my bedroom mirror and was somewhat satisfied with the shirt and shorts I was wearing. I swooped my hair up in a ponytail and sighed when I heard a knock at the door.
Slowly, I made my way down the hall, trying not to seem too excited to see Justin, even though I was doing mental cartwheels.
"Hey," I greeted with a warm smile. Justin grinned back and hugged me. Not his normal, 'hey' hug, it was one of those 'I've been having a kick ass day' hugs. It made me laugh and question his behavior.
"Hello!" Justin replied, cheerfully, before walking past me and inside of my apartment.
"Okay," I chuckled, "What's with you?" He shrugged and looked around my living room.
"Nothing," he said innocently, "I can't be happy?"
"You can, but damn," I laughed, "You're acting like you're high or something."
"Nope, I just feel. . . liberated."
"Why?" I asked as I shut the door and walked over to my love seat.
"Because I did something I should've done months ago," Justin sat down beside me.
"And what's that?" He sighed and his glow seemed to have dimmed down a bit. I love how bipolar he is.
"Well, you see, I've been really crazy lately, ya know?" Justin cleared his throat, "Like, I've been fighting feelings I've been having and I've been trying to do the right thing and not give up. But one day it just clicked, Alonsha. I said fuck it and did what I had to do."
"Okay. . ." I said wearily, "And what did you have to do?"
"I had to break up with Cameron." Oh goodness, I think I heard the angels sing.
"Wh- what?" I stammered.
"I know, it's crazy, right?" Not crazy, but a prayer answered, "But you know what's crazier?"
"No," I breathed, "I think this is the craziest thing."
"Nope," Justin said, shaking his head, "What happened next is the craziest thing."
"What happened?" I asked curiously.
"Cameron called me two days later and said she wasn't feeling," Justin told me, "So, I asked her what she wanted from me."
"Uh huh. . ."
"So, she asked if I could come over," Justin continued, "I said sure, thinking she needed soup or something."
"Right. . ."
"Anyway, I get there and there she is, crying and babbling about something. I asked her to slow down and you know what I heard?"
"More crying?"
"No," Justin chuckled, "I heard her say 'I'm pregnant'"
"What!" I snapped, my heart dropping into my stomach, "Pregnant?"
"I know!" Justin smiled, completely oblivious to the turmoil in my chest, "I nearly had a heart attack." I think I'm actually having one.
"Well. . . what-what happened after that?" I stuttered, trying to regain a normal breathing pattern.
"I remembered what you said to me, Alonsha," Justin said with wide eyes, "You said we were in a rough patch and something would come along and spice things up."
"I didn't mean a baby, Justin."
"Well, you didn't know what it would be, right?" he smiled, "So, maybe this is it."
"I don't understand," I told him, "I thought you were liberated. I thought ending things with Cameron was what you had to do."
"It was, before the baby," Justin said softly.
"Then. . .then you guys aren't together, right?" Shit, I feel like I'm having a panic attack.
"Not yet," Justin said, reaching into his jeans pocket and pulling out a velvet box, "But, hopefully, we will be." He opened up the case and to my horror, a diamond engagement ring sparkled before my eyes.
"Justin. . ."
"Alonsha, this is right," Justin said, "Especially with a baby coming." Oh god. Oh god no. No! No! No!
"I-"
"My mom said I would be getting married soon, so I know she'll be okay with this," Justin mumbled.
"Well. . ."
"Please, Beautiful, I need to know you support me too." I don't support you! At all! This is so wrong! So, so, so wrong!
"I. . .um. . ." I looked into his pleading eyes and I could see the confusion and doubt in them. I know this is wrong. He's only marrying her for the baby. Aside from that, I don't want him marrying her. He's suppose to be mine. He's suppose to be asking me to marry him, not if he should marry someone else.
But I couldn't tell him that. Ever.
"I support you, Jay."
Song Credit(s):
"Confidant" - Stacie Orrico
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