Caramel
"Okay, so we're definitely going to Geno's for lunch," Justin directed as he sat beside me, happily babbling about today's plan, "And then we'll go down to South Street and get some shopping done. They have a lot of good shit down there and no fuckin' paparazzi."
"You curse too much," I pointed out, "Every other word is 'fuck' or 'shit'."
"Well, shit, what the fuck do you want me to say?" Justin laughed and I playfully rolled my eyes, "And you, Miss Missy, have no right to tell me I curse too much."
"I don't curse a lot," I argued.
"You called me a motherfucker this morning," Justin whined.
"You drank my Vanilla Chai, asshole."
"See!" Justin laughed, "You're just as bad as me."
"And you still owe me a Vanilla Chai," I added. Justin snorts and raised his brows.
"I don't owe you shit," he told me, "I paid for it in the first place."
"I gave you you're money back."
"When?" Justin asked.
"When you were leaving, I stuck it in your back pocket." He laughed heartily and shook his head.
"That's what you were doing?" he chuckled, "I thought you were just feeling on my booty."
"What?" I laughed, "Boy, please. You don't have a booty to feel on."
"Really?" Justin suddenly jumped up onto the seat and stuck his bony ass out, "Then what's this?" I laughed and shoved his butt out of my face.
"That's funk," I answered.
"Funk?" Justin smiled, "I'll show you funk." Before I could stop him, Justin began to do his rendition of Beyonce and move his ass all over me. I felt smothered, but found it hysterical at the same time.
"Justin Randall!" I scolded, "If you don't get yo' funky ass off of me-"
"So, I do have an ass?" Justin laughed, "Say I have an ass."
"Kiss my ass," I shouted, playfully pushing him with the little bit of strength I had left.
"Say it!" Justin demanded with a huge smile. I laughed, which only caused me to weaken even more. My hands pressed against his butt and pushed forward, but he barely moved. I was too weak to fight him and he knew it.
"Justin, c'mon!" I whined as a tear slid down my cheek.
"Say it," Justin sang, wiggling his butt, "Say. It."
"Fine!" I shouted, "You have an ass."
"What kind of ass?" Justin asked.
"A non-existant one," I chuckled, only to be sat on. I gasped for air as Justin bounced on my lap, "Oh my god! Get off of me!"
"Nope," Justin laughed, "Not until you say I have an incredible tush."
"You have an incredible tush, okay?" I smiled, "Now, if you could remove your scrawny ass off of my lung. . ."
"Alright," Justin said, rolling off of me and falling back onto his side of the seat. I breathed deeply and he laughed.
"You are really heavy for a skinny bitch," I chuckled.
"I can't believe you're still talkin' shit," Justin smiled, "You never learn." He leapt towards me and I jumped back.
"Okay, sorry!" I said quickly before laughing. Justin pressed his hand against the tinted window to hold himself above me. I finally took notice of his closeness when I stared into his blue eyes, completely engrossed by the navy color of them.
"You're sorry?" Justin asked, his breath caressing my lips. I wanted to tell him no, just so he wouldn't move.
"Yes," I said softly, "I'm sorry." Justin smiled, his eyes glancing down at my mouth. His look excited me and for a moment I thought that he would just lean in and kiss me.
"Good." Justin quickly dove in and kissed the tip of my nose. I smiled, but was disappointed that he couldn't kiss just a little bit lower. He sat back in his spot again and turned toward the front of the car, "Yo, how much longer?" he asked. I sat up straighter and faced the front as well, watching Mike look at his watch.
"Ten minutes," he replied, "And if you could keep your skinny ass in the seat, it would be so much easier to see if we're being followed."
"Why is everybody on my ass?" Justin whined, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting, "Fuckin' haters."
"Aw, poor you," I cooed, patting his knobby knee.
"Don't touch me," Justin smirked despite himself, "You started this whole thing."
"Oh, shut up," I laughed, "You-" My sentence was cut short by the ringing of Justin's cell phone. Coldplay's 'Fix You' continued to play as Justin deliberately ignored the call. I looked at him with a raised brow and he sighed.
"That's Cameron's ringtone," he reminded.
"Oh," I said simply. He frowned and scratched the back of his neck when the ringing finally stopped. Silence washed over us and he turned to look out of the window, suddenly in his depressive state of mind. I sigh and turn toward my own window, now sad and angry.
This is what she does. Ruins things. Justin and I were perfectly fine, joking around and laughing, but then she called and brought him down. Brought us down. It's only day three of our Cameron-free week and that's the millionth time she's called. At first, Justin didn't care. He'd even answer and hang up on her, but now, I can see the guilt that comes over his face before he falls silent.
He shouldn't feel guity. Cameron's wrong, not him. But Justin can't seem to see that.
"We're here," Mike announced, pulling into a small parking spot. I turned back to Justin and smiled when I saw his grin spread across his face.
"Thank god," he sighed, "I'm hungry." He swung his door open and hopped out before slamming it shut again. I opened my door and hopped out as well, adjusting my t-shirt and jeans once I was outside. Mike shut the door behind me and I walked over to where Justin stood. I looked around at my surroundings and spotted Geno's in the center of an intersection. The big red letters were lit, despite the bright sunlight, and the building itself was silver. It looked like a tall diner to me, but Justin looked like he saw Jesus the moment he spotted it too.
"Smells good," I commented as I took in a big whiff of the city air. A mixture of onions and random seasonings filled my nose as we began to walk toward the restaurant. Mike walked behind us as Justin and I crossed the street.
"I'm gonna get a chicken cheesesteak with everything on it," Justin said enthusiastically. I laughed when he quickened his pace to get a spot in line.
"Is it really that good?" I asked. Justin looked down at me and nodded his head vigorously.
"Hell yes," he chuckled, "I come here whenever I'm in Philly."
"Okay, well, what should I get?"
"A cheesesteak with everything on it," Justin suggested, "Well, except for hot peppers. You don't like them."
"This is true," I agreed, "I guess I'll get that then."
"Alright," Jay looked around and spotting Mike sitting at one of the tables, "What about you, man?"
"S.O.S." Mike replied. Justin nodded and I was left confused.
"S.O.S?" I asked. Justin smiled and turned slightly to face me.
"S.O.S." he repeated, "Same ol' shit. Which means a sausage with onions, cheese, peppers, and Pepsi for a drink." I smiled as he proudly held his head high.
"That's cute," I said, "You know him so well."
"Well, that's my boy," Justin chuckled, "Ain't you my boy, Mike!" Mike laughed and shook his head.
"Sure." Justin sucked his teeth at Mike's disinterested tone and walked up to the ordering counter. The moment he did, he shook hands with the man behind the register.
"Tony!" he greeted, "What's going on, man?"
"Nothin' much," Tony answered with a wheezing laugh, "What about you?"
"Eh, some ol', same ol'," Justin replied evasively, giving me a sideways glance, "This is my friend Alonsha. Alonsha, this is Tony." I smiled and walked over to where Justin stood, extending my hand. Tony shook it and smiled warmly at me.
"Good to meet you, sweetheart," he said.
"You too," I placed my hand back down at my side, "Justin must be a regular." Tony laughed that wheezing laugh again and I chuckled.
"Oh yeah," he confirmed, "We have a Justin wall now." He gestured behind him and I looked over his shoulder. A whole wall of Justin was in fact there. Pictures of him and employees. Autographed receipts and a wrapper I assume he ate from. Justin smiled and shrugged.
"What can I say?" he asked rhetorically, "Ya'll love me." I playfully rolled my eyes and Tony laughed.
"I like her," he told Justin, nodding towards me, "She's cute."
"Don't let her fool you," Justin warned. I nudged him with my elbow and he yelped, "See what I mean? She's evil."
"No, she's hungry," I corrected.
"Shit, me too," Justin glanced up at the menu, "Let me get one chicken cheesesteak with everything, a cheesesteak with everything but hots, and a sausage with onions, cheese, peppers, and three Pepsi's." Tony nodded, surprisingly getting all of what Justin said.
"You got it," he smiled, "Twenty minutes, tops."
"Cool," Justin said, walking away from the counter as Tony got to work on our orders. I followed him to where Mike sat and took a seat beside him.
"Okay, so we're gonna eat then what?" Mike asked.
"South Street for some shoppin'," Justin rubbed his hands together anxiously, "I can't wait to get those Jordans."
"I can't wait to just see South Street," I said.
"You have been so deprived, child," Justin smiled, "But stick with me and I'll show you the world."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
He'd show me the world.
The whole fuckin' world.
God, I love this guy. I shouldn't, but I do. I know he didn't mean he'd show me the world in the romantic sense, but I've been giddy all day despite that. It sounded so beautiful coming from him. So loving and sincere. Every time I think about it and replay that moment my mind, the beating of my heart quickens and I smile subconsciously. . .
I should stop doing this to myself. Stop giving my heart more reasons to love him. Stop picking up the wrong signals from him. Stop dreaming and live in the real world.
But when I'm with him, the world isn't what's important. He is. We are.
"So, you had fun today, right?" Justin asked as we lain on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was drumming the beat of 'This Love' on his stomach as my Maroon 5 CD played in the background.
"Yeah, I had fun," I yawned, "And not enough caffeine." Justin chuckled, stopping his drumming all together.
"Shit, you're not the only one," Justin smiled, "But it's like midnight, so we should be tired."
"Ha," I said dryly, "I can't believe you said that."
"What?" Justin asked innocently.
"Aren't you the one who used to just start partying at midnight?" I asked.
"Used to are the key words," Justin smiled, "I'm too old to do that now."
"Boy, please," I dismissed, "You were partying two weeks ago."
"Okay, so I still do it, but only occassionally," Justin explained, "I used to party every night when I was younger."
"You're twenty-five, Jay," I smiled, "Stop talking like you're eighty."
Justin chuckled, "The next thing you know, I'll be saying 'back in my day, I had to walk fourty miles just to get to a corner store. . .'" I laughed and playfully nudged him.
"You can't have me laughing this late," I told him, "I have a million roomates now."
"So?" Justin smiled, "They're all getting laid as we speak." I laughed again and Justin giggled, "Seriously! Listen. Listen. Shh. . ." I quieted and snickered as Justin and I listened for any noises.
"I don't hear anything," I said softly.
"Really?" Justin asked, "'Cause I do."
"What crack are you on?" I asked, "There's no noise."
"Then what's this?" Justin suddenly stood on my bed and began to jump up and down, moaning obnoxiously.
"Oh my god," I laughed, "Shut up!"
"Oh. . . oh. . . yes! Yes!" he squealed in a female voice, "Harder!" I was having a panic attack, but laughing hysterically.
"Justin, I swear to-"
"Yes! Say my name!" he demanded to nobody before clapping his hands, "I love it when you spank me, daddy," he panted, switching back to his female voice. I just about died when he shook my headboard with his hands to add to the noise.
"Justin, stop!" I chuckled.
"Oh, right there. . . right. . .there. . .ooooohhhhhhhh. . ." He closed his eyes and began to twitch like he was having the greatest orgasm of his life, before finally lying down on my bed, leaving the room completely silent.
"Asshole!" I kneeled beside him and began to shake his shoulders. He laughed loudly and weakly fought against me.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I stopped shaking him and slapped his arm.
"How much louder could you be?" I chuckled, "I think everyone in Philly heard you."
"No, they heard you and me," Justin smiled, "At least that's what they'll think they heard."
"You're terrible," I whined, "Everybody's gonna give us looks tomorrow."
"No, they're gonna give you looks," Justin smiled, "I don't live here." I glared in his direction and he smiled brightly.
"I really hate you," I pouted as I stomped over to my bureau and sat on it.
"Nah," Justin dismissed as he lazily sprawned himself across my bed, "You love me." I paused, not really knowing how to argue with the truth.
"No," I whined, "I hate you."
"Love me."
"Hate you."
"You love me, okay?" Justin scooted over to the edge of the bed and allowed his head to hang over it. He stared up at me, a smile on his baby face, "Just say it."
"Say what?"
"That you love me."
"I don't love you, dip-doodle," I crossed my arms over my chest, "I hate you." Justin laughed and sat up suddenly. He swung his barefeet onto the floor and looked at me sideways.
"What the hell is a dip-doodle?"
"I don't know," I mumbled, "I say dumb shit when I talk to dumbass."
"Oh!" Justin groaned as he placed his hand over his heart, "You hurt me so bad." I smiled softly and shook my head.
"Shut up."
"Say you love me and I will."
"Justin," I sighed as he stood and did a two-step over to where I sat, "I don't love you, mofo. I'm not telling you that again."
"Well, Ms. Daniels, that's too bad," Justin said, standing directly in front of me, "'Cause I love you." He gently tapped the tip of my nose with his index finger and I closed my eyes briefly.
"Justin. . ." I said softly. My eyes slid open and his blue eyes were already staring back at me. A surge of warmth shot through my body and I shivered slightly.
I know your name
I know your skin. . .
I felt somewhat dazed when Justin's nose brushed against mine. The heat from his skin radiated onto my own as he leaned his forehead against mine. My heart began to race, my breathing quicken, and my body weakened as my eyes slid shut.
I know the way
these things begin. . .
My hand cupped his cheek and the stubble on his jaw tickled my palm. I slowly dragged my thumb along his face and tilted my head slightly.
But I don't know
How I would live with myself. . .
I hesitated. He hesitated. We were so close, but never making a move. His hand cupped my cheek. His breathing hitched. I could've sworn I heard his beating heart.
I opened my eyes and saw that his were still closed. A shaken breath escaped his lips and I could almost feel the tension surging through him.
What I'd forgive of myself
If I don't go. . .
"I'm sorry." Justin's whispered apology was followed by another heavy sigh. I watched as he angrily ran his hand through his hair as he walked over to where his sneakers laid by closet. I licked my lips as he slipped on his Nikes and adjusted his clothing.
So goodbye
Sweet appetite. . .
I wanted to say something. Offer him some words of kindness. Assure him that things were fine. . . But I couldn't. This wasn't some playful caress or a flirty exchange of words. We were going to kiss. We were going to do something that could destroy the relationship he has with Cameron. That could've destroyed our friendship.
No single bite
To satisfy. . .
Justin had finished gathering his wallet and cell phone by the time I hopped off of the bureau. He grabbed his baseball cap and slipped it on as he made a beeline for the door.
"I. . ." My sentence didn't get a chance to form. I had forgotten what I was going to say the moment he stopped and looked at me. I don't even remember if I had anything to say at all.
"It's okay. . ." Justin tone was far from conviencing, but when things get as awkward as this, you take what you can get.
"Okay," I whispered before Justin turned and finally made his way out the door. I sighed and stood there, staring at a spot on the floor. My heart was still going a mile a minute and my breathing wasn't quite normal.
A million things were running through my mind and of the millions the one that seemed to consume my thoughts was the possibility that maybe all that I've been feeling isn't one-sided.
Song Credit:
"Caramel" - Suzanne Vega
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