Justin walked inside his home, leaving his bags at the front door as he continued his journey through the foyer. He kicked his Nike's off and roughly slammed his cell phone into its charger base as he walked passed the coffee table. The grumbling in his stomach forced him into the kitchen in search of something to eat. He spotted a box of Frosted Flakes and grabbed it. With a plop, he jumped onto the counter and stuck his hand inside the box, cupping some of its sugar-coated contents, and brought it to his mouth.

"Were you going to help me with these?" Cameron breathed as she dragged her suitcases into his living room. Justin rolled his eyes and Cameron made her way into the kitchen.

"Sorry," he mumbled through a mouth full of cereal. Cameron glared at him as she strolled over to his spot on the counter. She grabbed the box from his hands, eliciting a whimper of protest from him.

"You know, ever since you got that call from Trace, you've been really crabby," she told him as she began to snack on the cereal as well, "What's wrong?" Justin shrugged, not really wanting to rehash his earlier argument with Trace. He was completely pissed that he had went behind his back and did that, so he decided not to speak to Trace until he apologized.

"Nothing's wrong," Justin lied, "I'm just having one of those bad. . . weeks." Cameron laughed drily.

"Right, and I saw a fairy smoking a joint with the president," Justin laughed at her ridiculous comeback.

"If you saw that, I think you were the one smoking the joint." They laughed and Cameron playfully slapped his arm as she settled in between his open legs.

"Seriously," she pouted, "What's wrong?" Justin stared down into her eyes. The cyan color darkened with concern for him. His hand came up to caress her soft cheek and she smiled at him.

Justin sighed, "Do you remember the girl I told you about?" he asked, "The one that hurt me before I met you?" Cameron nodded.

"What about her?" Justin rolled his eyes at the thought of Alonsha.

"She's in town," Cameron's eyes widened in shock, "In fact, you've met her already."

"What? When?" Cameron questioned as her face contorted with confusion. She had no idea who this girl was. Justin never spoke her name or showed her any pictures of her. He said it had hurt too much to do, so she never forced the issue.

"You know that girl that came here, like two weeks ago when we were having that barbeque?" Cameron thought back until a light bulb went off in her head.

"That's her?" she gasped, "Why didn't you say something?" Justin shrugged.

"I was just so pissed off that she showed up at my door like that," Justin confessed, "She acted like I was going to forgive her." Cameron angrily furrowed her arched brows.

"You shouldn't," she suggested, "She really hurt you. You loved her and she screwed you over." Justin nodded and softly smiled.

"I'm glad to have somebody on my side," Justin said, "Trace apparently crossed over while we were in Florida."

"How? What did he do?"

"He had the audacity to tell me that she can explain and that I should hear her out," Justin told her, "I mean, what the hell is that?"

"Well, maybe you should hear her out," Cameron shrugged, "It wouldn't hurt." Justin's eyes widened in shock.

"Wouldn't. . . Wha-," He paused as he stuttered over his words, "I thought you said not to forgive her?"

"You're not forgiving her, you're just hearing her out," Cameron explained, "You deserve some explanation, Justin. If you don't talk to her about things, you might regret it."

"You know what?" Justin asked rhetorically as he slid off the counter, forcing Cameron to back up, "I'm going to talk to my mom about this. She'll have more sense than you and Trace." Cameron placed her hands on her hips, shocked by his words.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" she asked, "You're the one without the sense and you're being very immature right now."

"I'm immature?" Justin pointed to his chest and narrowed his eyes, "You, Cameron, are the queen of immaturity."

"What?" Cameron screeched.

"You heard me," Justin said coolly, "You're the immature one. I'm acting my age, why don't you do the same?"

"Oh, this is the age issue again?" Cameron questioned, "If my age is such a huge problem, why did you say it didn't matter?"

"It's not about that!" Justin yelled before realizing this had nothing to do with Cameron. He was mad at Alonsha and took it out on everybody else.

"Then what is it about?"

"It's about Alonsha and me," Justin answered, "I just. . . I need to be alone, okay?" Cameron nodded as her anger dissipated.

"Okay, I'll be down here if you need me." Justin smiled softly before turning around and heading upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. He took long strides toward his bedroom, shutting the door behind him when he entered it. His bare feet slid across the white carpeted floor as he made his way to his bed. Justin's hand reached for the flip phone that was clipped to his belt loop and he dialed his mother's number.

"Hey, Justin," Lynn answered, "Did you get in okay?" Justin's fingers began to pick at a piece of lint on his comforter before he answered.

"Yeah, we got in," Justin fell back against the bed and sighed, "Mom?"

"Yes, baby?" Lynn asked. Justin scrunched up his nose.

"What do you think I should do about Alonsha?" he questioned, "I mean, Trace and Cameron think I should talk to her, just to hear her side of things." Lynn paused as she thought it over.

"I think you should do what you feel is right," she stated calmly, "This is your decision."

"Mommy. . ." Justin whined, "Why can't you just tell me?" Lynn laughed, already picturing the pout on his face.

"Because, it's your choice, Justin," Lynn said, "All I can say is that you know what you have to do. You're just too stubborn." Justin rolled his eyes, realizing that his mother was right again.

"Why do I feel like she's winning here?" Justin complained as he sat up straight.

"Because you're man with too much pride," Lynn said, "Put all that aside, just for a little while."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Okay, so Trace called me about a week ago, informing me that Justin is no longer speaking to him because he tried to help me out. I felt terrible when I got the news and thanked him for trying anyway. He promised that he'd keep trying, swearing that Justin would cave in eventually, but I told him that I didn't want to cause anymore trouble than I already have.

But the good news is that I've been accepted back into the open arms of the center. Chris was more than thrilled to have me back. Adam was still there, doing better than when I was there. He told me that he let Kimberly go (the girl he had been dating and stringing along for years). It had been hard on him, but he was happy that she moved on and got married. We had a nice conversation about the things going on around the rec.

Anyway, I spent the whole day getting hugs and kisses from everybody. My office was still the same, small space it had been. I loved it. I had a nostalgic longing for it since I left. Remembering all the good times. Like when I realized I was in love with Justin. Oh Justin, it sucks that he hates me. But things will work out, hopefully.

"Come on. . ." I mumble as I shuffle through my purse in search of my keys. I finally find them stuck in one of the dark corners. I quickly pick out the right key and unlock the door. In one with swift motion, I'm inside with the door locked behind me.

"Alonsha?" I screamed involuntarily as my hand cupped over my mouth. I turned in time to see a wide-eyed Justin with a beanie covering his head and hands dug deep into his pockets.

"Oh, sweet Jesus," My hand rested over my heart as I stared at him in shock, "You scared the shit out of me." Justin shrugged and shifted his feet.

"Sorry," he stated simply as he took a step back.

"How'd you get in here?" I asked as I hung up my hoodie and turned to face him.

"I came by a little earlier. Tiffany told me I could stay here because you would be home in ten minutes or something." I nodded and twisted my hands out of nervousness.

"Did she head down to Scott's?" I asked as Justin nodded, allowing the silence to fill the room. As we stood there, for God knows how long, the swarm of butterflies in my gut doubled. What the hell was I suppose to say to him? Before, conversation would just happen. But now, with all this tension and drama, I can barely breathe.

"You painted?" Justin questioned innocently as his eyes ran over the creme colored walls.

"Yeah, Tiffany did some redecorated while I was gone."

"Hmm. . .Looks nice." Justin's eyes fell on mine momentarily. I stared back as watched as a hurt expression took over his features before he turned away.

"Thanks," I mumbled, "Would you like something to eat or drink?" I ask politely, filling in the silent gaps.

"Sure," Justin replies with yet another shrug, "Do you have any tea?" I nodded and walked into the kitchen, Justin trailing a few feet behind.

"Green tea or mint tea?" I offer. Justin thinks for a moment.

"Green." I pull out a small tea bag, placing it inside of a black mug. As I make my way over to the stove top, I hear the scrapping of a table chair. Justin's sitting down, which means he plans on staying. That's a good thing, right?

"So," I began after turning on the heat beneath the kettle, "How's your mom?"

"She's fine," Justin answers, "Everybody's fine." Well, that cut short my long list of names.

"Are you and Trace okay?" I asked, feeling guilty for the entire fighting situation.

"We're good," Justin assures, "He's the one that convinced me to come here." Convince. . . I never thought I'd see the day where Justin would consider visiting me some type of burden.

"Well, that's good to know," I say, "I made a peach cobbler," I blurted suddenly, "There's some in the fridge. You can help yourself while I go change into something more comfortable," I froze, realizing my poor choice of words, "Like sweats or something," I add as Justin sends me a weird look before nodding. I turn and make my way into my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

My eyes roll at my stupidity before I make way over to my dresser. I open a drawer and pull out my sweats and a white shirt that read "God Milk?". As I slipped the dress pants from body and unbuttoned my striped blouse, I kept an ear out for Justin. I could hear the clangor of dishes and eating utensils as well as the microwave. I removed my socks and quickly slipped on my sweats and t-shirt. Before I walked out of the room, I glanced in the mirror, making sure my ponytail was still straight.

Justin's eyes gave me the up and down as I walked across the cold tile floor. He was removing the heated cobbler slice from the microwave, placing it on the table. As he took a seat, I sat down across from him. The shriek of the kettle caused me to rise from my seat again. My hand gripped the black handle, tipping the kettle slightly to allow the steaming hot water to pour into the mug. I grabbed a spoon, swirling the liquid together.

"There ya go," I said, more to myself than him, as I placed the mug in front of Justin.

"Thanks," he said, "We should probably get started," he said in a businesslike tone.

"Get started on what?" I asked while taking a seat.

"This great excuse Trace forced me to come down here and listen to." I nod, taking in a deep breath.

"Okay," I say, "I guess I can start from the beginning and work my way up." Justin nods as he chips of an edge of crust from the cobbler.

"That would be nice," His tone was far from polite, but I decided to ignore it. He did come all the way down here, ready and willing to listen to my complicated excuse.

"Well, about a month before I left, I began to stress out again. You know, the whole self-conscious, second guessing stages of my personality began to rear their ugly heads and I was practically going insane with you on a tour and everybody else living their lives and whatnot. So, I just kinda suppressed it. Thinking that if I pretended I didn't feel those things, they'd go away. I actually ended up with the opposite effect.

You and I became a huge issue for me. Everything was going good, minus the whole Danyelle scenario, but I couldn't help but think that something wrong was going to happen, or that I wasn't good enough for you. It kinda got to the point where hearing you say 'I love you' felt like a lie. That scared me. You're the only guy that I trusted enough to give my heart to, but that wasn't even enough.

I was so messed up then, Justin. I couldn't let go of the past and I was terrified of the future. I always saw the negatives and someone else pointed out the positives. Looking the mirror was painful for me because I couldn't stand the woman staring back at me. I didn't love myself and I couldn't see the beauty that everyone claimed was there."

"So, running away was your brilliant plan to solve this problem?" Justin raised a brow, "Why didn't you talk to somebody? Why didn't you come to me?"

"Because, Justin, I was sick of doing that," I sighed and licked my lips, "I wanted to do this on my own."

"It's okay to ask for help," Justin argued, "That's why you have people in your life,"

"I know that, but that's one of my problems," I said, "I was dependent upon everybody. I couldn't do anything without getting someone else's approval. I'm surprised I could breathe without asking first."

"Alright, fine, you wanted to be Miss. Independent, and prove that you can do it all by yourself. I get it," Justin quipped, "But did you have to get on a plane to. . . Where the hell did you go?"

"Rhode Island," I answer simply. Justin's face contorted with confusion.

"What the hell?" he asked, "Rhode Island?" I shrugged and looked down at my hands.

"That's where the retreat was," I explained. My words only added to the obvious confusion he was feeling.

"Retreat?"

"Yeah," I say, "I was at the center one day and I was placing things on the bulletin board when this flyer caught my eye. It was some spiritual cleansing resort down there. I know it sounds insane and hippie-like, but it wasn't anything like that. It was one big therapy session."

"Why didn't you explain all this before?" Justin questioned, "And why did you leave right before our anniversary?"

"I know it was a shitty time to leave, but I had to make it down there on time for registration or not go at all," I explained, "And I didn't explain this because I know you, Justin. You wouldn't have let me go."

"Well, duh," Justin stated drily, "I could've paid for a personal therapist if you needed one that badly." I rolled my eyes, annoyed with him for not understanding me.

"That would've been a dependent action," I pointed out, "I had to do this on my own, don't you get that?" I questioned.

"No, I don't," Justin sneered, "I don't understand you and this freaky retreat you went on to cleanse your damn spirit."

"I just had to, okay?" I was almost tempted to reach across the table and hold his hand, "I was carrying so much baggage. Letting go of all that was worth the three years I spent away from home."

"Okay, fine," Justin said, "But why didn't you at least call?"

"Because I wasn't ready to face you or anybody for that matter," I paused, "I felt. . . I felt like I would run back home if I heard your voice or read a letter of yours. I was so in love with you, Justin. All you had to do was ask, and I would've been on the first flight home," Justin swallowed and looked away from me, "Besides, I was afraid that you hated me." I laughed at the irony. Justin smirked, and I was happy to see he still had that sense of humor of his.

"I don't really hate you," Justin confessed, "Just what you did. How you left and everything was wrong. No matter what the excuse." I nodded in agreement.

"But it was the only way I could do it without having to face opposition."

"Well, Alonsha, when people love you, they tend to not want you half way across the country," Justin groaned, "Did you even consider our feelings about this?"

"Of course I did!" I said, raising my voice in a fit of anger, "So much so that I practically ran off the plane when I got to the airport," I calmed down, "Justin, it hurt to leave and it hurts now seeing so much change and me having to catch up is no fun either. I don't like being out of your life. Especially since you've been such a huge part in mine." Justin looked up at me, his eyes big and blue. I had forgotten how beautiful they are, but the hurt and sadness in them wasn't what I was hoping to see.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Alonsha, I just can't forgive you," Justin said, "I don't even know how or where to start because I wasn't prepared for this," He gestured toward her as his eyes focused on hers, "When you left, I went through a lot of shit. The tour and everything. The press and media. The paparazzi were on my case like you wouldn't believe, and I just about lost my mind. I know things were crazy when you were around too, but at least you were around. Alonsha, I was dependent on you too. I needed the assurance of knowing I had somebody waiting at home for me. I wanted to be able to pick up the phone and have a late night conversation with you. But I couldn't because I thought you didn't love me enough to stay."


When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe


Justin continued after a brief pause, "I felt like I couldn't breathe without you, Alonsha. You have no idea how much I loved you," Justin told her, looking away from her, not wanting his pain to be anymore evident then it already was, "I kept thinking to myself, 'What am I going to do now?' because I needed you. Wanted you. But I couldn't have you. I felt like I'd never love again. I didn't want to either because I couldn't bring myself to put anyone else before you."


Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better


"But," Justin added, "I ran into Cameron. And she changed everything," Alonsha smiled, seeing his eyes light up when he said her name, "I love her and I'm grateful that I didn't stay at home and mope around instead of going to the Kid's Choice Awards."

"So that's where ya'll met?" Alonsha asked curiously. Justin nodded.

"Yeah, about five months after your departure," Alonsha was somewhat shocked that he got over her so quickly, "It wasn't easy at first though. I didn't trust her because of all the hurt I was going through, but she didn't trust me either and was honest about it from the beginning. So, we were on the same boat and just took our time to reach the point where we're at."

"That's great," Alonsha commented.

"I know," Justin stated confidently, "She was also one of the folks that persuaded me to hear you out."

"Give her my thanks," Alonsha told him. Justin took a sip from the warm tea.

"You might want to hold onto that thanks," He licked his lips, "I didn't forgive you yet." Alonsha frowned.

"That's understandable," she agreed, "I'm just grateful you took the time to hear me out." Justin nodded before glancing down at the Rolex watch that was on his wrist.

"I better go," Justin said as he stood from his chair and pushed it in, "Thanks for the cobbler and tea." Alonsha nodded and smiled.

"You're welcome," She made her way to his side and began to walk toward the door with him, "Thanks again for coming by." Justin nodded again, and opened up her apartment door. He paused and turned around to face her.

"I'll call you," he said, "Sometime. . .soon." His less then convincing tone told Alonsha not to hold her breath. Justin flipped his hood over his head and put his hands in his jacket pockets. Alonsha watched as he took the stairs down before going back inside of her apartment. She leaned against the wooden door and rolled her eyes.

Her little explanation wasn't even the half of it.



Song Credit:

"We Belong Together" - Mariah Carey