Chapter Nineteen
(January 4th, 9:00 a.m., WEG Compound)
The buses were getting ready to head out, last minute preparations were being made, and the group on Bus #2 could stall no longer. Shannon got a hug of confidence from Lance, Meaghan hugged her mother good-bye and ran onto the bus, and Joey gave JC a look of desperation before boarding the bus. Justin and Chris looked up from their positions at opposite ends of the front room, each looking back down immediately when they saw who had come on board. Meaghan hurriedly brushed past everyone to get to the back of the bus, slamming the door closed. She was furious at JC and Lance for doing this to her - sticking her on a bus with Justin and Shannon for three hours. Deep down, part of her knew JC and Lance were only trying to open the lines of communication, but there wasn't much for her to say. She had slept with Joey knowingly and part of her wasn't sorry about it, as she knew Shannon and Chris had done the same. Joey headed straight for his bunk, lying down and closing the curtain, his thoughts too jumbled to sort out. Shannon sighed and set her sewing basket and a bag of costumes that still needed some last minute alterations down on the table. She sat down as the buses pulled out of the compound, only then looking over the rider for the tour, her eyes widening as she read it over. In the mass confusion of the last few days, no one had bothered to change the rooming assignments - she was still set as rooming with Joey, and Meaghan and Justin were still rooming together. She buried her face in her hands, willing the tears of frustration away. Chris moved silently across the room, sliding into the seat across from Shannon, his brown eyes serious.
“Hey little girl with the sad green eyes …” He smiled at her, trying to get her to smile back. Shannon began pulling supplies out of her sewing basket and costumes out of the bag, unwilling to meet his eyes. “Are you planning on ignoring me the whole trip? The whole tour? ‘Cause that’s gonna be a little hard, us being on the same bus and everything.”
“No, I’m not going to ignore you, Chris. I just want to be left alone right now, okay?” Shannon looked up at him, tears evident in her eyes.
“Shan …” Chris’s voice softened, his hand impulsively reaching out to cover hers. “I wish there was something I could do - ”
“There isn’t, Chris.”
“But if I hadn’t - ”
“It takes two, Chris. I’m at fault just as much as you are,” Shannon shook her head. “But placing blame isn’t going to fix this, I just need to talk to Joey alone, Justin needs to get Meaghan alone and talk to her, and you three guys need to talk - I mean, you have a concert tonight for crying out loud. How are you going to harmonize when you’re at each other’s throats?”
Justin came over then, sitting next to Shannon. “Chris and I are fine, we talked everything over yesterday. He isn’t happy I slept with Bridget, but knows it wasn’t on purpose - I thought she was Meaghan.” He looked around for emphasis. “I really did.”
“I know you did, J.” Chris smiled at his best friend. "Not that she cared. We're over, she had the nerve to call me and tell me she didn't think we were working out."
“So … its just Joey not speaking to you now?” Shannon questioned Chris.
“Well - Justin wants to talk to Joey … work everything out … but Joey won’t ever stick around to talk to him. Or me.” Chris sighed.
“So you make him stick around,” Shannon pointed out. “Nothing is going to get fixed if you don’t fix it yourself, Chris.”
“What about me?” Justin asked her. “She’s your best friend … how do I fix this?”
“Meaghan’s stubborn, but she’s mostly hurting right now, J. If I know her like I think I do, right now she’s back there pissed off at herself almost more than she’s pissed off at you. I know she knows you didn’t sleep with Bridget intentionally - I overheard a phone conversation she had with Amber about it - but at the same time it still hurts her.”
“I know it does.” Justin rubbed his forehead, readjusting his bandanna. “I’d do anything to take it back, anything to remove that hurt look from her eyes.”
********
Two and a half hours later, the buses pulled into the parking lot of the hotel in Jacksonville, Florida. The bodyguards quickly hustled everyone into the hotel while the hotel staff brought the luggage inside. Johnny handed out room keys as they got off of the elevator, ignoring the tension that had settled over the group, choosing instead to worry about the concert later that night. Justin slid the keycard into the lock; his breath catching in his throat when he noticed Meaghan was already in the room, going through one of her bags. He set his messenger bag down on the dresser and turned towards his girlfriend.
“Meaghan?”
No response.
“Meaghan?” He tried again, but she refused to look over at him. His already frazzled nerves had reached a breaking point. “Dammit, Meaghan, why won’t you talk to me?”
“You know why, Justin.” Meaghan tried to move past him to go into the bathroom but he grabbed her arm and stopped her.
“We have to talk - now.” Justin sat on the bed and tried to get her to sit next to him only to have her pull away.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Her blue eyes were cold.
“Meaghan, baby … I know I fucked up. I know it. I know I shouldn’t have slept with Bridget - but I thought she was you! I was so drunk, baby, I know that’s not an excuse but it’s all I have. The whole time I called out your name …” Justin’s cerulean eyes brimmed with tears, a few of which rolled down his cheeks. “I love you so much, Meaghan.”
“I can’t do this now,” Meaghan turned away quickly before he could see the tears in her eyes, or that her heart was breaking at his confession.
“Please … please tell me we can fix this. Meaghan, I can’t live without you in my life … I need you … you’re my heart, and I can’t live without my heart.” Justin sobbed openly now, desperate. “Don’t you think I would take back what I did if I could?”
“It’s not just that …” Meaghan fought to keep her voice normal.
"What then? You know there’s nothing that could be as bad as what I did,” Justin took her hand and turned her towards him. “You can tell me anything, baby.”
“I … I … I slept with Joey.” Meaghan could hardly get the words out. “New Year’s Eve - after I saw you and Bridget together and he saw Chris and Shannon together. I was drunk … but I didn’t care, I wanted to hurt you, I wanted to make you feel as badly as I did.” Meaghan wrapped her arms around herself, sobbing.
Justin's sharp intake of breath startled Meaghan out of her own guilty sorrow. She hadn't expected this reaction from him, she hadn't known what to expect from him, but something - anything but the shut-down Justin in front of her.
"Justin?" Meaghan wiped some of the tears from her cheeks. "Talk to me, please."
Turning his head slowly, he fixed dark eyes on her. "You ... and Joey ... on purpose?"
"Y..yes. I thought you knew ..." Meaghan stammered.
"I did know ... but -" Justin turned and faced the window, trying to sort his jumbled thoughts. All along, he had been prepared to forgive Meaghan, to forgive her for the same mistake he himself had made. But this wasn't the same mistake - it wasn't even a mistake. Meaghan had turned to Joey on purpose, it wasn't mistaken identity, it was hate. Cold, unfeeling hate that had made her do what she did.
"Justin? Baby ..."
He flinched at the pet name as it left her lips, and pulled away from her touch. "I can't do this right now, I have a show to prepare for." Justin began to gather the things he'd need at the venue and picked up his messenger bag from the dresser.
"But what about us?" Meaghan's voice was small, the realization of what she was losing coming over her.
Justin looked up as he was leaving the room. "Maybe it was too much too soon."
