The Betrayal That Follows
Three months. Three agonizingly slow months spent in denial and repression of feelings. I know I told Josie that Mel and I would barely be seen as friends, let alone dating, but I must've been smoking crack that day. Who the hell was I kidding? I spent the entire summer finding more and more things to like about her. Whether it was her sense of humor or the way she playfully slapped my arm when I teased her about her CareBear collection, there was always something endearing about her. Something comforting. Something I hadn't felt in a while.
I want to just tell Josephine that I can't keep my promise, but I know she'd be disappointed in me. More than I can handle, actually. So, I've been trying to be a good daddy and control the urges I get to ask Melanie out or just touch her in some far-from-platonic way. Even when Melanie flirts with me, I have to pretend to be completely oblivious to it.
She liked me. Melanie, that is. How do I know? Well, for one thing, it's obvious. Her suggestive flirting habits and shy blush whenever I compliment her makes it that way. And secondly, Ashley told me. She was so excited to reveal her mother's secret feelings that she blurted out when we were left alone during a movie night two months ago. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't floating around on cloud nine for a moment, but Josie came bouncing in the room and I caught myself.
I feel really dumb about this though. Josie's the child and I'm the adult, but I feel like I owe her. She's my daughter and her happiness is more important than my own. Besides, I promised her. Promised. Do you know what that means? I'm permanatly attached to my stupid words for the rest of my pathetic little life.
"Justin?" Melanie's soft and amused tone breaks me from my thoughts. I realize she's holding out a plate for me to dry and I smile sheepishly before accepting it. We're washing dishes together, for the millionth time since we've met. I really hate doing dishes though, but, for some odd reason, Melanie makes it fun. Sometimes we spray each other with the water or blow soap suds around the kitchen. It seems a little childish, but that's what makes it so great. The carefree feeling of it all.
"Sorry," I apologize meekly after a moment of silence, "You know I space off sometimes." Melanie smiled as she glanced over at me.
"I know," Melanie confirmed, "But I was about to ask you something important." My interest perks up some more as I place the clean and dry plate into the dish holder.
"Well, ask now," I encouraged, "I'm all ears." Melanie rinses off on last cup and takes the liberty of putting it away before I get a chance to.
"Have a seat," she instructed. I nodded and sat down comfortable at her white table area. She sits across from me and looked downward.
"Well. . ." I began, trying to pry into the thoughts running through her mind.
"Well. . ." she mocked, "I'm. . . nervous."
"About what?" I asked with a small smile.
"Asking you this," Melanie said softly.
"Then just ask," I told her, "You've got nothing to worry about." She takes in a deep breath and nods her head.
"Okay then," she breathed, "I wanted to ask you out." Oh goodness gracious. I can feel my mouth part slightly as I absorb her words.
"Ask me out where?" I asked dumbly. Yeah, like I didn't know. . .
"Out on a. . .date, I suppose," she mumbled, "Just the two of us." Just the two of us? HELL YES! But hell no. Josephine.
"Um. . ." I can see the sadness in her eyes as I fall silent.
"You know what? Just forget it," Melanie dismissed as she smiled awkwardly, "I shouldn't have asked. Just. . . nevermind." I sigh as she stands up abruptly and walks over to the sink. She begins to aimlessly wipe away invisible water around it before I stand. I walk over to her and gently rested my hand on her shoulder, causing her to face me.
"It's not that I don't want to," I said softly, "I just. . . can't." She turned and faced me, her brown eyes wide with confusion and curiousity.
"Why can't you?" she asked.
"Because. . ." I trailed off and shrugged, not wanting to seem like an idiot who's controlled by his own daughter.
"If you just don't like me that way, it's fine," Melanie breathed, "I don't need you making up some-"
"Mel, it's definitely isn't that," I told her earnestly, "You have no idea how much I like you." My stomach knotted up as the words left my mouth. I never said that out loud before.
"Then what's the problem?" The blush in her cheeks was too cute for words and the innocent smile she wore caused my own smile to form.
"Josie," I told her simply. Her face flattered and her bottom lip protruded slightly.
"She doesn't like me?"
"No, she likes you," I assured, "Just not the idea of us liking each other." Melanie nods understandingly.
"Well, maybe you should tell her that it's okay for you to date," Melanie suggested.
"Oh, she knows that," I told her, "It's not me dating that's the problem, it's just that she doesn't want something bad to happen between us. She's afraid Ashley won't be her friend anymore if things don't work out."
"So, I guess that's a no on the date, huh?" I looked down at her and shrugged.
"I guess," I mumbled reluntantly, "I promised we'd remain strictly platonic."
"I'd hate to make you go back on your word," Melanie said, "I guess we're friends then."
"Yeah. . ." I sighed. We stood there in an awkward silence before Melanie cleared her throat.
"I'm going to check on the girls," she announced hurriedly as walked around me and disappeared behind the kitchen door. I groaned in frustration as I stared down into the sink.
Being a great daddy sucks major ass. . .
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
A week later, Melanie and I are in an awkward stage. A place where we both know we like each other, but can't do a damn thing about it. I was close to telling Josephine that I'm sorry, but couldn't un-like Melanie, but she interrupted me with a long story about how great Ashley is and how close they're getting. She now considers Ashley to be her 'bestest friend ever'.
How cute is that?
It's all I ever wanted for Josie. She'll finally has someone she's willing to open up to, so how I can risk that to see whether or not Mel and I can work? I'd rather die than to watch Josie go through life without a single true friend. But it's so hard not to want to just give up on this act of mine. I see Melanie every single day. Morning, afternoon, sometimes evening. With Ashley being permanantly attached to Josephine, there's no escaping her presence.
Not that I want to.
Being around Melanie isn't bad. Even when it's awkward. Just knowing that I'm near her is good enough. Like now for instance. She sitting on the opposite end of the sofa, watching Power Puff Girls while Ash and Josie giggle at something. Her hair's out and tucked behind her ears. She's wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Her face is make up free and a pair of hoops are dangling from her ears. Simply beautiful.
And she's not even trying.
"Dad, can we go to six flags or something?" Josie asked when a commercial for the theme park began to play.
"Sure," I answer absentmindedly as I watch Melanie stand up and stretch. Her small belly pokes out as she leans back and moans. Damn. If she makes noises like that when she's just stretching, it makes me wonder what she does doing other things. . .
"DAD!" I jerk slightly when Josie's loud and annoyed voice rings in my ears. Ashley giggles and Melanie tugs down the hem of her shirt before taking a seat.
"Sorry," I mumbled, "What's wrong?" Josie narrows her eyes at me and groans.
"Nothing," she grumbles, "I'm just tired."
"Do you want me to tuck you in?" I offer while standing.
"No," Josie said with a swift roll of her eyes, "I'm fine."
"Jos-"
"Goodnight," she interrupts before jogging up the stairs. Ashley soon follows and I'm left standing there, alone with Melanie.
"She seemed angry," Melanie said, stating the obvious, "Aren't you going after her?" I shook my head and fell back against the couch.
"No," I told her softly, "Josie needs to cool off first. We'll talk in the morning." Melanie nods and sinks back into the softness of her sofa.
"So," she began before trailing off.
"So. . ." I mocked.
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah, I could use a snack," I said as we both stood.
"I don't have much," Melanie informed me, "But I have fruits and stuff."
"Stuff is good," I told her jokingly. She smiled softly and swung open the fridge.
"Well, stuff includes chocolate, chicken, rice crispy treats, left over chinese-"
"Got any ice cream?" I interrupted.
"Of course," Melanie said in a 'duh' tone. She shut the bottom portion of the fridge and opened up the top, "Butter Pecan sound good?"
"Of course," I mimicked. She playfully rolled her eyes and grabbed the gallon from the fridge. I walked over to the dishes and pulled out two bowls before grabbing two spoons. We both walked over the table and Melanie took the liberty to scoop out chunks of the ice cream into a bowl.
"Here ya go," Mel said gently as she handed me the bowl. I took it from her hands and handed her the next one.
"Thanks," I mumbled through a mouthful of ice cream. Melanie laughed and I rose a brow, "What?" I couldn't help but chuckle lightly at her contagious giggle.
"You've got ice cream on your cheek," she informed me. I wiped my hand across my face, but failed to pick up anything.
"Are you just fuckin' with me?" I smiled and Melanie laughed again.
"No, it's right here." Her smile and delicate fingers smoothed over my cheek before her thumb wiped over the corner of my mouth.
Oh goodness. It's one of those cheesy romance moments. The one where we both become somewhat hypnotized by the sparkle in each other's eyes as we slowly lean in and share a gentle kiss.
I really wish I was one of those people who could control themselves. If I was, then maybe I wouldn't be leaning downward. Then maybe I wouldn't watch as Melanie's eyes slid shut. Maybe I wouldn't feel my own eyes do the same. . .
I'm so glad I'm not one of those people.
If I was, I wouldn't be overwhelmed with the warmth of Melanie's mouth. I wouldn't be standing here, cupping her cheek in my hand and slipping my tongue past her lips. I wouldn't feel my heart flutter in my chest as Melanie moans in content as her fingers run through my short curls.
She was a really good kisser. The way her mouth worked against mine as her tongue ran over mine was just. . .damn. Why didn't we meet sooner?
"Wait," Melanie breathed the moment we pulled apart for air, "What are we doing?" The moment she said that, I pulled away. What the hell was I doing? I promised my daughter this wouldn't happen. . .
"I think I should go," I announced. I didn't wait for Melanie to answer, I simply turned and walked away. I was out her door before I knew it and in my car seconds later. My mind began to blur with images of Nakia and Josephine. I broke my promises to both of them. I pledged my eternal love to Kia. I promised Josie that I wouldn't risk her friendship with Ashley. . .
What the hell was I thinking kissing her? I'm just making things awkward. I was deceiving my child. I was breaking my vows. . .
I'm going to hell for this.
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