"I love these..." I jumped at the word, almost knocking over my glass of orange juice in the process. Matthew came up behind me in time to swiftly grab the cup before it tipped off the edge of the kitchen table. I placed my hands in my lap and looked down at my half eaten eggs.

"Love what?" I managed to ask in a normal voice as he remained behind me. I waited until I felt his lips press against the back of my neck before grazing my right ear. I closed my eyes and bit on my bottom lip. I loved it when he was that close to me. It made me shiver.

"I love..." he trailed off and I grew anxious. He didn't know, did he? He couldn't possibly suspect that... "...these animal crackers." He chuckled into my ear and pulled away from me, walking over to the other side of the table to sit across from me. I opened my eyes and stared down at my plate again. "That's pretty grade school, right? Munchin' on some good ass animal crackers." I could hear him smacking on those cookies like it was the last supper, so I knew he was genuinely poking fun at himself and paused before he finished his sentence because he was worried that I'd call him a child for admitting to like animal crackers so much. I was logical enough to know all that, but my heart still stung, almost like he had just made a cruel joke. I was hoping so bad for him to say he loves me, just so I don't have to be the one. Just so I wouldn't feel half as stupid as I do now.

"I gotta go," I said more to myself.

"But you haven't even finished your breakfast," Matthew argued, "You didn't even touch your bacon." That is true. I do love bacon. I glanced up at Matthew and he creased his brow in worry. "What's wrong?" I shrugged and said what I always did.

"I'm just tired," I sighed, picking up a slice of bacon and biting into it just to make him happy.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I won't keep you up next time you have to get up this early."

"Shut up," I dismissed him quickly as I rolled my eyes. He laughed lightly.

"It's true though..." he smiled to himself, "I knew you had to get up, but I just can't seem to keep my hands off of you." He winked for affect and I shook my head, but smiled anyway.

"You can have this," I said, pushing my plate down to him. I stood and smoothed the wrinkles in my purple scrubs. "I'll call you later on. Since it's early... I guess we can have lunch together-"

"Yes!" Matt cheered and I giggled at his enthusiasm.

"But I'm picking you up and dropping you off. Got it?" He pouted, but nodded his head.

"Got it." I pushed my chair in and Matthew stood and did the same. "Do you want me to make you anything in particular? We still got chicken alfredo from last night. Want that?" We walked out of the kitchen, holding hands like we were really going somewhere. I gave his fingers a squeeze and I loved that he squeezed mine back.

"Actually, that does sound good," I told him, "We can get some Frosty's or something for a little dessert too." Matthew let go of my hand and bent down to his knees in front of me, grabbing my Converse Chucks and adjusting them onto my feet. I smiled to myself as he tied each shoe up and made sure the tongue was straight before pulling my pant leg over them. I ran my hand over his head and down the side of his face. He smiled and stood tall, hugging me around my waist before leaning his forehead against mine.

"You have the most wonderful day at work and I'll see you at lunch." I nodded before leaning up to capture his lips with mine. They were soft and tasted sweet like the animal crackers he had been eating.

"I'll call you," I said again after we pulled apart. He gave me one last bear hug and a peck before I headed out the door. The moment I was outside, my chest ached with a longing for a release. I wanted to be able to tell him 'I love you' all nice and breezy at the end of the conversation, but instead I said 'I'll call you' like we didn't already establish that. I frowned and made my way up the block to my car. I could not find parking in front of the house last night. Apparently neighbors were celebrating a birthday or something and every family member showed up for cake and ice cream.

I rolled my eyes at the thought and finally made my way into my Buick's interior. The car was cold everywhere, but I let out a sigh of relief. I now found solace in going to work for hours and hours because Matthew was as far away from me as possible. I didn't want to be around him, getting all googly-eyed and mesmerized by his presence. I didn't need more reasons to love him. As if him just existing wasn't enough, he just loves being sweet as sugar before I leave the house everyday for work. Kissing and hugging and wishing for me to have a great day...Calling whenever I'm working to tell me he misses me and hopes I get home safely.

How dare he be such a wonderful man. He has a lot of nerves just pretending to be this outstanding guy all of a sudden. He was still annoying, but he even got less annoying these last few days. I'm sure it's because my birthday is coming up in two days (which Matthew seems more excited about than me). But I don't know... it seems like he knows and wants to torture me with all his goodness while holding back the sweetest thing he could ever say or do....And that's love me too.

Not that he hates me. I know he cares. But at the same time... Is it just because I'm around? I've beaten myself down over the last few days, saying that I'm an idiot because I fell for a guy who's only around because he has no place else to go. Shit, I was easy. I feed and clothed him. I slept with him. I love him now. That boy has me in the palm of his beautiful, strong hands and he knows it.

The bastard.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not even mad. I'm just so... ugh. I'm just frustrated that I don't have as much of an affect on him. He doesn't seem to be falling apart over me. Not that I've been giving away many clues... Other than my sporactic clumsiness. Jumping. Knocking things over. Screaming when he appears out of nowhere because I'm so deep in my thoughts about him that I don't even notice he walks into the room.

Something must be wrong with me. I haven't felt this crazy since tenth grade when I had that a major crush on Dennis King, varsity basketball star, completely out of my league, and my Spanish II partner who called me smart when I helped him write his essay on his family vacation to Virginia for some random class project. I dreamt of him long after he graduated and I was teased mercilessly by friends until I got over it senior year of high school.

I guess I've always been a little infactuated weirdo. You need to get on that, I thought as I arrived at work and parked. I skipped past Clarissa's lobby desk and she gave me a small nod.

"Mornin'," I greeted and she handed me my chart before I could make it to the lounge to hang up my coat. "Damn, Clare."

"Don't damn me," she scolded, "We're a little busy today. There was shooting going around yesterday. Three suspects, three wounded victims." My interest perked as I skimmed through my chart. Six males, ranging from age 19 to almost 41. I rolled my eyes. What the hell is wrong with people these days trying to live a thug life for no damn reason.

"What happened?" I asked as I shut the manilia folder and looked up at Clare. She shrugged.

"I think somebody walked up to those fake thug life boys and they got all hype and decided it was time to shoot. The victims shot back in self-defense, I think. It's not really clear. Melissa tried to flirt with the cop for info, but he wasn't really having that." I laughed at the thought. Melissa could be quite the hoebag when she wanted to be.

"Well, she always loved men in uniforms," I said, "Must've bruised her ego when he wasn't giving it up."

"You know it did," Clarissa agreed before getting back to business, "Now, they're all in the ER, but the injuries of the victims are not that bad. Once the bullets are removed, they'll be roomed for overnight stay and will probably check out in the morning." I nodded as I followed along. "You have to assign rooms. Get them in the same general area."

"What about the thug life crew?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I have to do it," she sighed, "Damn cops want their rooms on lockdown and apparently I'm the only one capable of giving them rooms." She rolled her eyes and I smiled at her sympathetically.

"Oh, it's okay, girl," I cooed, "Have fun!" I smiled and turned away towards the lounge to put my crap away. I almost turned around to leave when I saw Shannon standing by her locker, across from mine. Her hair was still a bushell of curls and she looked more irritating than usual. I sighed and made my way to locker without saying a word.

"Hello to you too," Shannon bitched from behind me and I pursed my lips to keep myself from saying what I really wanted to say. "How's Matthew?" I angrily pulled my locker open after running through the combination.

"He's fantastic," I smirked to myself. "Practically brand new."

"Mmm..." she grunted. "I bet he's very... happy with you."

"Yeah, he is," I confirmed, stuffing my coat into the tiny space and placing my purse on top of it.

"I must confess that I'm slightly jealous," Shannon spoke slowly as I shut the locker and clamped the lock closed.

"Of what?"

"Of you and Matthew..." I turned to face her and she was leaning comfortably against the metal lockers and smiling. "I mean, I've seen that man naked once and I can't get it out of my mind and you get it every night? How could I not envy you?" I felt a pang of anger shoot through my veins at the mention of her seeing him naked and I knew that she was satisfied by the narrowing of my eyes. I breathed for a moment, remembering that she was in fact quite jealous because I did get that fine ass of Matthew's every night, whenever and however I wanted. I smiled.

"It's okay, Shannon," I cooed mockingly, "Don't lose too much sleep over it. I'm sure you'll get yours soon." Oh yeah, she's gonna get hers alright. She seriously has one more time before I'm backhanding her smartass.

"Anyway," she dismissed with a frown, "You hear about the shooting last night?"

"Yeah, I'm on room finding duty," I informed her as I walked over to the coffee counter to pour myself a cup.

"Well, I get to treat the victims," she stated proudly and with my back to her, I was free to roll my eyes and soundlessly mock her.

"Congratulations," I told her before I sipped my creamy coffee creation. "I'll get you a sticker later."

"Oh, it's okay, Sash," she teased, "Don't lose too much sleep over room finding duty. I'm sure you'll get a real patient soon."

"You're about to go from treating victims to being one, Shannon," I stated firmly, cutting my eyes in her direction, "You change bed pans like the rest of us and you assign rooms like the rest of us."

"You're way too sensitive, Sasheirah," she pouted like she felt bad for me, "That anger isn't going to get you far."

"Goodbye, Shannon," I said, grabbing my cup of coffee and turning to exit the room. I cursed underneath my breath the entire way from the lounge to the fifth floor. I checked the halls and found three rooms that were next to and across from each other. I figured that was good enough for now and reserved the rooms. I paged Carol to sterilize each room and headed downstairs to ER. Dr. Rochelle pointing the way to the victims I just had to see.

There were only two in the room. Both of them were black males, on was huge, in height and weight, and the other one was tall, but muscular. They each had bandaged arms and the muscular one had a bandage on his leg. They were talking amongst themselves until I came into the room. I hesistated my steps when they both looked up and stared at me. I cleared my throat, an awkward habit I adopted from Matthew, before walking over to the ends of their beds and receiving the their charts.

"Mike?" I called, looking up at the big man to my left. He nodded. "And Trey?" The muscular one nodded as well and I read over their vitals and everything seemed to be fine. "How are you guys feeling?"

"Fine," Mike spoke with gruff voice.

"The drugs are definitely kicking in," Trey added with a smile that was bright and straight. Their whiteness clashed against his dark brown skin, but was beautiful. I couldn't help but smile back and nod.

"I know the the feeling," I joked and they both chuckled lightly. "Some crazy stuff you guys were in last night. Y'all are the talk of the hospital."

"I'm sure," Trey nodded, "It wasn't suppose to be that big of a deal. All we did was ask them a question."

"That's all it takes these days," I said sadly, "I'm so glad you guys are okay."

"So are we," Mike laughed lightly, "That boy better be grateful that we love him enough to get shot. I want a raise now."

Trey laughed, "I know. The moment we're back home, I'm demanding a paid vacation." I tried to smile along, but I had no idea what was going on who they were referring to.

"Are you talking about your friend?" I asked, "He's still in surgery, right?" They both grew sad and quiet.

"He's so stubborn," Mike sadly shook his head, "We told him to stay in the car."

"Yes, we did," Trey agreed. "You know he never listens."

"I swear, there must've been something in the water because they're all the same." Mike shook his head again before finally taking notice of my existance. "I'm sorry, Ma, are you suppose to take us upstairs now or do we need to get some more work done?"

"I'm just taking you boys upstairs," I informed him just my coworker Taylor walked in. He wore green scrubs that made his green eyes stand out more. His smile was bright and wide, as usual, and I found him adorable in all his pride. He was the newest member to our team and he was certainly happy to be here.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he apologized to me, "I'm Taylor." He waved and the two men nodded their heads.

"That's Mike and that's Trey," I pointed out, "And you're not late, Tay. You're actually right on time." He beamed with more pride. "You take Mr. Mike there and I'll grab Trey. We're going up to the fifth floor." Taylor and I went to work, taking the brakes from the bed wheels and detaching and reattaching cords and tubes. It took about a second and I stopped to help Taylor with his stubbling hands before we moved up the ER hall and to the elevators. We chatted aimlessly until we reached the floor and rode up the hall in silence.

"Do we share a room?" Trey asked and I shook my head.

"Nope, no sharing," I informed him.

"Good, I'm sick of looking at this dude," he joked and Mike rolled his eyes as Taylor and I snickered. We then went our separate ways as I slipped into Trey's room and Taylor slipped into Mike's. I shut the door behind me after I pushed his bed in and looked up at me by bending his neck in an awkward position. "How long you've been a nurse here?" I shrugged, pushing him over to the IV stands and monitors.

"Couple of years," I told him, "I'd hate to count them. It'll make me feel old."

"You are not old," Trey argued lightly, "You can't be over... twenty-five." I smirked.

"You stalking me?" I joked he smiled brightly.

"Not at all," he assured, "I'm just so used to being around younger people that I can guess fairly well."

"And how old are you, gramps?" I smirked, thinking about Matthew and all the times I made fun of his cane.

"Guess," he challenged as I clamped down his bed's brakes and connected him to the monitoring devices behind him.

"Umm..." I narrowed my eyes in deep concentration. "Thirty." He laughed out loud, his beautiful smile shining in the sun filled room.

"Thank you, but no," he informed. "Thirty? Really?"

"Yes, really, but if not, what?" I asked, genuinely intrigued.

"Forty-one." I almost choked on air.

"Bullshit," I argued, connecting hanging up his IV bags. "I thought thirty was pushing it."

"I keep myself in good shape," he smiled warmly, "I had my children pretty late and I'd like to see them grow up, ya know?" I nodded my head, suddenly feeling guilty about that bacon I had this morning and all the mornings before that. I sucked in my gut a little self-consciously and patted his arm softly.

"I'm gonna go check up on your friend," I told him as he nodded and settled back comfortably against his pillows. I covered him with his sheets and left the room, sighing to myself once I got out into the hall and shut the door behind me. The moment alone was brief when Taylor slipped out of the room quietly and smiled at me.

"He's knocked out," he chuckled and I smiled.

"I think Mr. Trey's about done too," I informed him, making my way down the hall with him following alongside of me.

"That's crazy though," he said, "They all got shot like that... They could've died." I nodded my head sadly at the realization.

"Trey has kids too," I said and Taylor nodded his head.

"So does Mike," he shook his head, "I swear, people these days don't think. They are fathers and brothers and husbands and best friends... I mean, people always mean something to somebody, ya know? And just like that, they're gone." My stomach tightened as I imagined not walking that fateful day down that crappy one way street after my crappy car broke down in the crappy snowy weather. I could not imagine what I would now do if Matthew died from his beating or froze to death. I could not imagine what frightened me about his presence since day one. Maybe a part of me somehow knew I'd fall too hard too soon and would rather had run away and let him be than stop and risk heartache.

"Yeah, but they made it," I said more enthusiastically, "They're not gone."

"True, but a near death experience always puts things in perspective, ya know? Makes you say sorry when you should and 'I love you' whenever you want. Everybody starts doing that 'live everyday like it's your last thing as seriously as possible. Especially when they think 'man, this is it.'" I nodded and listened, but my mind drifted over to Matthew as expected. He was usually what I was thinking about on a daily basis. "Anyway, I'm gonna go grab some lunch. You eating?" I shook my head.

"I think I'll wait another hour or something," I informed him, "I'll see you later?" He nodded and waved as he turned down the hall toward the elevators. I slipped away in the opposite direction, heading toward the bathroom. Once inside, I slipped into a stall and pulled out my cell phone.

"Hanes residence," Matthew answered after two rings. I smirked to myself.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hey, baby, what's going on?" he inquired playfully and I shrugged.

"Nothing, just wanted to hear from you," I answered and he cooed into the phone.

"Aw, you miss me already?" I rolled my eyes.

"Boy, please, you miss me before I even leave the house," I joked, "At least I miss you at reasonable times."

"True dat, true dat," Matthew said, "I can't help it. How can I not miss that cute face?"

"I'm gonna punch you in the balls the next time you call me cute," I threatened weakly and Matthew laughed.

"The day you punch me in the balls is the day I punch you in the ovaries." I wrinkled my nose as I laughed at his random comeback and he chuckled along with me before I quieted down to a small sigh. I bit my bottom lip as the words fought to get out. I looked down at the white floors and glanced at my Chuck covered feet. The Chucks he bent down and put on for me.

"What's wrong?" Matthew asked with an immense amount of concern and I snapped out of my daze, scrambling for an answer.

"Nothing, I was just.." I looked around the stall for a reason, "I was looking at something and got distracted."

"Hmph," he said unconvinced, "It better not have been a hot doctor or something." I smiled and shook my head, even though he couldn't see me.

"No, no hot doctor," I assured, "He's a nurse."

"Oh, you're a comedian, Sash, really." His sarcasm only caused me to laugh again.

"Oh, lighten up, stiff ass, I was jokin'," I teased and he mumbled beneath his breath.

"Whatever," he dismissed quickly, "Are we still getting lunch? I heated up the alfredo, but I ate it so we have to go to Mickey D's or something." I rolled my eyes.

"You stay eating my food," I whined.

"You don't complain when I eat anything else of yours," he said smoothly and I rolled my eyes, but shivered at the thought.

"I walked right into that one, didn't I?" I smiled and he agreed.

"Yes, and you made it so easy." He paused. "Are you sure you're alright?" I shrugged and examined my nails.

"Yeah, man, get off my back," I said lightly, "Seriously, I'm fine, Dad."

"I'm just making sure," he said quietly, "You've been spacing out a lot and you seem so... off sometimes. If something's bothering you-"

"I know I can talk to you, Matt, I just have a lot on my plate right now with work and...everything."

"Like what?"

"Like... stuff, dude," I sighed, "It's fine, really. I can take care of myself."

"I know, Sash, I know," he snapped and I made a sour face.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, annoyed.

"Oh, just stuff, dude, but I can take care of myself," he mocked.

"Fine, be like that," I childishly retorted and hung up the phone. I stared at the screen for two seconds before dialing the house number again.

"What?" Matthew answered rudely.

"What if it wasn't me, Matt?" I asked, "You'd talk to my mama like that?"

"Well, it was you, wasn't it?" he shot back.

"Yes, and I'm sorry for hanging up, that was rude."

"It was," he agreed before adding, "And unnecessary. I was going to take back what I said. I shouldn't have mocked you."

"It's fine," I assured, "But I'm fine. I just... I don't know. I probably should just tell you, but I-" I stopped short, wondering why I was babbling a little too much.

"But you what?" Matthew pressed on and I shook my head, slapping my forehead in frustration.

"Forget it." Matthew groaned loudly into the phone.

"You drive me crazy, woman," he whined.

"Good," I smirked, "Keeps things interesting."

"If infuriating and annoying is interesting, than yes, you keep things very interesting."

"Whatever, man, I gotta get back to work now," I informed him and he sighed into the phone.

"Are you still eating with me?" he asked as I stood and stretched.

"Of course. Give me about an hour though. I need to check up on some patients," I said. He gave me another melodramatic sigh before relenting.

"Fine, I guess that's okay." I could hear him pouting.

"Don't give that look, buddy," I scolded lightly, "I'll see you in a little while."

"What look?" he asked, "You can't even see me."

"You make that same pouting face every time things don't go your way," I said, "Now if you'll excuse me..."

"Oh, you think you know me so well," he bitterly replied and I smiled.

"Baby, please, you know I know you."

"Don't try and get all sexy," Matthew complained and I laughed. "Trying to start what you can't finish."

"I don't even know what you're talking about," I smiled, "And I always finish what I start. Don't act like you don't know."

"Touche," he resigned, "But when you get home, we'll see about all that."

"Goodbye, Freak McNasty," I joked.

"Mmm... I'll take that nickname and live up to it," he said with certainty, "I'll see you later, baby." He hung up and I sighed to myself. Could lust confuse itself with love? 'Cause the hot blood flowing through my veins bypassed my heart and went to my brain, providing it with warmth and sexual stimulation. I never seen so many images flash through my mind. Matthew'll do that to you. Give you that innocent look and then make you feel like a got damn pornstar.

Not that I'm complaining, but still. Maybe the way he literally made my body feel was what was causing me pain. Not the fact that I haven't heard him whisper that he loves me every night or morning, but the fact that I want to get laid every second of the day because of him.

"Sash," I heard my name being called the moment I stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall. It was a voice that belonged to my mortal enemy and when I turned and saw her, it was confirmed.

"What?" I asked Shannon, not attempting to cover up my annoyance.

"Are you busy?" she inquired with a grin too wide for anything good to be happening to me. I must be getting fired.

"I'm about to meet Matthew for lunch," I said smugly, "Why?"

"Oh, well that's funny because I needed to talk to you about Matthew," she smiled.

"What about him?"

"Well, we've got some really good news," she continued to grin wider and it seemed more evil by the second.

"What?" I asked again and I felt my heart racing a bit more as I gripped my cell phone in my hand.

"Well, it seems that Matthew's going to be heading home soon," she informed me, "Somebody's here to claim him." The words still shocked me even though I halfway expected them to come out of her flithy little mouth. My heart almost ripped from my chest and screamed 'NO!' but I held my composure.

"Who?" I asked, in a much less confident and unhappier tone.

"Why don't you go downstairs and find out?" She walked up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright? You don't look too good." I pushed her hand from me and she laughed in my face. "I thought you'd be happy."

"And I thought I'd kill you by now, but things don't always work out the way they should, right?" Her face fell momentarily before picking back up again.

"Well, don't be rude, Miss. Hanes, that man's waiting." She waved toward the elevators. "Go get him, tiger." Her laugh echoed through the halls before she walked into the bathroom and disappeared from my vision. I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling my unwillingness chokeholding me as I went to take a step toward the elevators.

A father? A brother? Cousin or Uncle? I shook my head. It was wrong. It wasn't suppose to happen. How dare they show up now? How dare they do this to me when I finally get caught up and unwilling to separate myself from him? They were after the wrong man. The Justin Timberlake they were looking for was not around. It was like he never existed. Only my Matthew existed and they didn't know him. Only I knew him. Only I loved him.

I thought to make a run for it. To pretend like Shannon never saw me and go home and tell Matthew that I loved him and not to worry. I wanted to pack up and leave. It wasn't fair. It just was not fair.

And yet, here I was, pressing the down arrow on the elevator and listening to it ding open. Here I was stepping into the metal box and pressing the button for the lobby floor. Here I was watching the doors slide shut before staring down at the Chucks on my feet. The ones I wanted to rip off and throw before screaming and punching every silver wall enclosing around me. I was so pissed off and completely miserable so quickly and nothing had even happened yet.

The elevator stopped and opened slowly, revealing the hall way full of bustling doctors and nurses and patients and family members. I stared at the floor and walked out with my head bowed before taking a deep breath and straightening out my posture. With my head held high, I bet he thought I was just a nurse who knew the guy he was looking for, but the figure of a man coming closer and closer with every step I took I had no idea who I was. He had no idea that I wanted to beg him to just go back to where ever it is that he came from and never come back again. He had no idea that the thought of him taking Matthew away made my stomach churn with such a strong feeling of displeasure that I wanted to throw up.

And he never will.

"Hi," I greeted, extending my hand to him with the warmest smile I could muster, "I'm Sasheirah. I heard you had some questions about Matthew?" The man took my hand, looking as grateful as his handshake felt. I saw the look of relief go through his face and I felt panick shoot through my gut.

"Yes, I do," he confirmed with a southern twang and my heart jump when he smiled. It reminded me of Matthew's and I wondered if he were a brother of his. "I think he's my best friend." I tried to hold back that grimace threatening to go across my face. His name was already in my head. It had never left from the moment Matthew spoke it. Every name he ever mentioned haunted me in my sleep.

"And what did you say your name was again?" I asked.

"Oh, that was rude of me," he blushed lightly. "I'm Trace. Trace Ayala." I swallowed air and cleared my throat, feeling a dagger jamming itself into my heart with a sickening feeling of confirmation. I glanced over at Clarissa, sitting quietly behind the main desk. She looked like she could see my heart ripping into a million pieces and I quickly glanced away. Sympathy did me no good. It only embarrassed and hurt me further.

I pushed everything back. I told my head to shut up and my heart to get over it. Tears and denied held no purpose here. It would be wasted effort. I'm sure this man has traveled far and wide trying to find his best friend of however many years. I only had Matthew for two months. He did not belong to me, really, I reasoned. I'm smart enough to know that, so I smiled a bit more before I opened my mouth and spewed the biggest lie I could have ever told. "Well, I'm so glad to meet you, Trace."