"I just don't know what she wants from me..." I whined into my cell phone as I muted Maury on the television. She didn't even get a chance to say hello before I was whining to her.

"Oh, well it's so nice of you to call," my mother joked.

"I'm sorry, but it's been two and a half days of angry woman and that left me no free time to call you." I ran my hands down my face and slouched against the couch I was starting to hate because I knew that I could've been up in her soft bed instead if she'd just stop with all her bullshit. "I'm seriously losing my mind here."

"Well, darlin', I don't know what to tell ya," my mother spoke honestly, "You know Sash better than I do, so if you're confused, I don't know how much help I can be."

"You can tell me what's going on in her head," I said, "Don't women have that...connection thing? You understand each other, right?" My mother sighed dramatically.

"Alright, just tell me what she's doing and I'll try to translate it for you."

I shrugged, even though she couldn't see me and waved my hands around at a lost for words. "Well...we almost had sex this morning." My mother grunted like she always did when I spoke about sex to her. She wasn't quite comfortable with it yet, despite how close we were. "I stopped it though because we were arguing before and then I just kissed her and we started fooling around, but nothing really got solved, ya know? She even told me she hated me."

"During the almost-sex?" my mother asked.

"No, before when I was about to kiss her, but she sorta took it back and said she wished she could hate me."

"Okay..." my mother trailed off. I waited and tapped my foot. "Well, she's obviously loves you still."

"That's good," I chimed in.

"Yeah, that's good," my mother said, but she didn't sound as enthusiastic. "But I think she doesn't really want to anymore." My heart sank automatically.

"Well...that's bad." I frowned as I stated the obvious.

"Well... She does still love you, but she's trying to push you away," my mother explained, "She thinks you're gonna hurt her or something. She's way too defensive, but she almost had sex with you and she wouldn't have even let you kiss her if she didn't love you."

"What am I suppose to do?" I asked, genuinely lost, "I have apologized over and over. I feel like a jackass for the whole Jessica thing and I've told her that. Ma, I told her that I loved her, even after I got pepper sprayed-"

"Pepper sprayed?!" my mother exclaimed, "She maced you?!"

"Not on purpose," I explained, "At least that's what she said."

"Oh Lord..." she groaned, "I think you need to be more afraid of her hurting you."

"I'm fine," I said dismissively, "Besides, if she didn't mace me, I wouldn't have had permission to stay here."

"Well, it's not exactly doing much good anyway." I frowned at her pessimism.

"I just gotta get her walls down again," I said, "I don't know how though."

"Maybe you should give her a little space," my mother suggested and I recoiled from the idea immediately.

"I gave her space and now we're fucked," I said, "I think I need to stick around. Let her know I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't want to overwhelm her with your presence though. She may feel smothered," she warned me, "Then she'll think you're some type of stalker." I rolled my eyes.

"Sash wouldn't think I was a stalker if I hung around," I argued.

"Sash also wouldn't pepper spray you, right?" she retorted, "But are you really okay? Should I come over there?" I laughed.

"What are you going to do? Give Sash a whoopin'?"

"If that's what it takes for you to regain your vision, than yes," she said seriously and I laughed again.

"Ma, I'm fine. Vision and all," I reassured, "There's no need for violence." She grunted and mumbled something.

"Well, I hope she's worth the torture, Justin," my mother said, "You might just have to lose your mind taming this woman."

"She's worth insanity, trust me," I told her, "She's the most amazing person you could ever meet...Behind all the anger and defensiveness, she's a really kind woman."

"I suppose..." mother sighed, "But sweetheart, Mama's gonna have to call you later. Your father's picking up the boys with Sheryl and you know how that goes..." I laughed, knowing that my mother and real father had yet to settle their differences. It was a much more subtle version after so many years, but the war of words were just as vicious. My mama always won though.

"Okay, Mama," I said, "Try not to kill each other."

"I make no promises," she joked, "I love you, baby. Call me later."

"Yes, ma'am," I sighed, "I love ya too, Mama." We said our goodbyes and hung up as I tossed my cell phone next to me on the sofa. Bob meowed from my feet and I shifted my eyes towards him. He tilted his curious head to the side and stared at me awkwardly.

"What?" I asked and he meowed again. I wish I spoke cat. Bob knew things about Sash I never got to know or see. He'd let me in on all the secrets, unlike a certain Miss. Hanes. I make the woman cum twice and she still manages to act like she doesn't want me. I rolled my eyes to the heavens, asking God if this was some cruel joke. What the hell was I suppose to do now? I had no game plan, which was becoming the norm with all things concerning Sash. I never had a plan for that woman because she was forever trying to screw us over.

I'm giving the woman my heart, the one thing she always wanted, and now it's not good enough. Did she need my fucking kidneys too? I chewed on my thumb nail and came to the conclusion that I'd give them to her if she asked. I'd give her anything if she asked, but she wasn't getting that small fact through her beautiful, stubborn head. Ugh... Frustration. I needed to take a deep breath. Sitting in this house of hers while she worked wasn't helping. I'd leave if I knew I'd get back in again. I didn't have a key and I knew that if I left and tried to come back, she'd never let me in, just to prove a point. She was annoying because of that, but a part of me understood why the great walls of China rebuilt themselves once I returned here. Why wouldn't she develop a fear of abandonment when I left her twice already?

Before I could kick myself in the balls for being an idiot, the jingling of keys rang in my ears, making my heart jump. I lept from the couch and practically ran to the door, pulling it open only to be met by her surprised eyes. I smiled brightly, unable to do anything else at the sight of her, and was immediately disappointed by the angry scowl that took over her face.

"Why are you still here?" she snapped at me, pushing me out of the way to get into the house. Despite the fact that I knew she was fronting, I couldn't help but feel a sting every time she said stuff like that. It was hurtful and I rolled my eyes and sucked it up before I locked the door behind her.

"I'm not leaving," I told her, turning around to watch her scrambling around her living room in search of something. "Not until I know you're going to let me come back."

"Well, I guess you'll have to start paying rent," she mumbled before sucking her teeth in disappointment. "Damn it!"

"What are you looking for?" I asked, glancing around the room in search of something meaningful to her.

"None of your damn business," she answered, dropping her purse on the couch hastily and heading towards the kitchen. I trailed behind her, watching her ass move in her mint green scrubs before she turned and glared at me.

"What?" I said, sounding guilty as I snapped my head up to face her. She narrowed her eyes further in suspicion before giving me the once over. "What?" I asked again and she huffed and walked around me towards the livng room again.

"You're really immature, Justin," she criticized and confused me all at once. "Did you honestly have to disrupt my day like this just to get me to come home?" I furrowed my brows.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, "Didn't do anything." She groaned and whirled around to face me.

"Just give it back." She stretched her hand out to me and wiggled her fingers impatiently. "Now."

"I can't give you what I don't have," I said, "I don't even know what you're talking about." She looked at me like she wanted to rip my face off and chances are she did, but I didn't know what she was talking and I wasn't hiding anything anyway.

"Fine, you wanna play dumb?" she said, walking up to me and sticking her hand into my pocket. It took me a minute to figure out what she was doing and it also took me a minute to not get excited by the feel of her hands. It wasn't until she was victoriously waving around my wallet that reality hit me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked as she ignored me and walked over to her purse, jamming my wallet inside of it. I hurried up behind her and reached for the bag, but she snatched it up and curled into a protective ball around it.

"I'm keeping this until you cough up my cell phone," she told me, trying to squirm out of my arms when I enveloped her in them and reached for the bag in her hands. I took the opportunity to hold her tighter as her ass grinded against my crotch.

"I don't have your phone," I told her softly, and she elbowed my chest to get me off of her. It hurt, but I didn't budge. She'd have to do better than that.

"You're a damn liar," she argued, "I had it before you hugged me against my will this morning and now I don't."

"I wouldn't steal your phone," I said, taking notice of how still she was standing in my arms. Her body was stiff as hell, but at least I wasn't being elbowed. Sash turned her head around slowly and pulled her face back from mine when she realized how close I was to her. I was still close enough to kiss her and I thought about it long and hard, but I knew that it would just lead to something that I'd probably finish this time and what kind of man would I be if I took back what I had just said this morning?

"Well, Mr. Timberlake," Sash said, breaking into my thoughts as I watched her glossed lips move, "If you don't have it, where is it?" I shrugged, her perfume and warmth relaxing me.

"I don't know, but I can help you find it," I said, realizing that she had yet to fight me for holding her for so long. She liked it. I knew that she did. This morning's tease proved that she wasn't repulsed by me physically, at the very least. It was a reassuring start to something positive between us.

"I don't need you to help me find anything," she said, glancing at my mouth for a moment and making me smirk. Her eyes shot up to mine immediately after and she elbowed me twice in the chest, catching me off guard. I let her go to rub my injured chest cavity and she dusted herself off like I had lice as she scowled at me. "And keep your hands to yourself."

"Yeah, well you weren't complaining earlier," I shot back, feeling immature, but smug as I frowned, "And thanks for the bruise."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm going back to work," she announced, "Please be out of my house when I get here later." She sighed to herself, purse (and my wallet) securely tucked beneath her arm, and headed for the door.

"I will be right here when you get back," I told her and I meant it. She wasn't pushing me away that easily and she should know that by now. I was a persistant asshole when I wanted something bad enough and Sash was at the top of my list. Speaking of Sash, she didn't respond to me outloud. She did mumble something to herself before opening the door and slamming it shut behind her. I frowned when her car sped off and I realized that it was probably a good thing that I didn't hear what she mumbled.

----------------------------------------------------------

He was an asshole. He knew. He knew. The little fucker has stooped down lower than ever in an attempt to irk my soul. My phone! My got damn phone. How was I suppose to live? What if something happened and I needed to call 911 or my mother to say my last dying words to? Did he think about these things? Of course not because Justin Randall Timberlake was an immature prick.

I tried to tell myself this over and over again. I was trying to reason myself out of loving him. Him being an immature, phone stealing prick was enough reason to stop loving him, right? Yes, I answered myself in my mind. Yes it is.

But then I think about his arms being wrapped around me, all warm and muscular, and I tremble as a chill runs down my spine. God, his chest felt nice against my back, especially when he breathed and I felt the movement of his lungs. Oh... and when he spoke... That boy was forever sounding sexy. I felt the stubble of his cheeks a couple of times. Not to mention his soapy-piney scent. And his hands... They felt good too all tangled on my waist and arms awkwardly... I didn't even want to think about my ass being pushed against his crotch a little when I started fighting him off of me. That's why I stopped moving, he might've felt it too.

"Stop it, Sash, stop it..." I mumbled to myself, trying to shake the thoughts from my mind. I needed to get over him. I needed to get one Justin free moment.

"Honey, you're talking to yourself now?" Clare's voice asked, breaking into my thoughts, "I think I need to move in now." I stepped away from the nursery window and sighed.

"I think we need to just switch houses for a while, until Justin leaves," I said, "He stole my phone you know." Clare gave me a look and reached into her pocket, pulling out a cellular device that looked all too familiar.

"You left it in the break room," she informed me, tossing it in my direction. My guilty stomach knotted up and I felt embarassed.

"Shit," I mumbled.

"You didn't accuse him of anything, did you?" She asked, but she already knew the answer. I just looked to the side and shrugged.

"Maybe..." She 'tsk'ed and I pouted. "I just elbowed him a little."

"You better apologize," she smirked, "Or at least show him how sorry you are." She laughed, but I didn't.

"As if he'd let me," I muttered, "Apparently all sexual relations with Justin have ceased until I agree to be in a relationship with him."

"Impressive," Clare said, nodding in approval. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"More like bullshit," I retorted, "Not that it matters. I don't want to have a sex-based relationship with him anyway. I don't want him around at all."

"Somehow I doubt that," Clare told me, turning towards the newborns on display with a small smile, "They are adorable..." I nodded in agreement, glancing over at the newborns in envy of their untarnished worlds. Hearts all new and unbroken. How nice it was. Too bad that they would all be broken one day, some how and some way.

"I better get back to work," I said, reading the time on my cell phone's screen, "It's time for Mr. Lanard's bath." I sighed and turned to trail down the hall.

"Hey, Sash," Clare called behind me and I turned back to her for a moment, "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I've got an early shift, so nothing after that," I said, "Why, what's up?"

"We're going out," she smiled, "Get an outfit."

"Club or dinner?" I inquired, feeling a bit happier by the second. I haven't done anything fun in forever.

"Club," she said, "Tight jeans, tight top."

"Yes!" I cheered and she laughed as I turned back down the hall. I definitely needed a girls' night out. Justin-free. I already had my outfit planned before I made it to Mr. Lanard's room. I bathed him and got Ms. Patty's vitals recorded. After I headed down to the Levy building and gave the patients a check up and meds, my day was done. I headed to the mall downtown on the subway. The Gallery wasn't as packed in the middle of the week, so I shopped happily for three hours before heading back to the hospital to my car. I drove home with the radio playing my Tupac album. I bobbed my head and rapped along to his lyrics. I was feeling so relaxed that I almost forgot about him. Almost.

When I parked in front of my house, behind his shiny ass truck, I took a deep breath and grabbed my bags out of the backseat. I'd bypass him quickly and call it a night. I just had to move swiftly. He'd never see me and even if he did, I'd ignore him. I nodded and accepted my plan of ducking and weaving. My keys jingled and I cursed a bit. He always heard them, waiting at the door for me like a lost puppy. It was completely endearing, but irritating. How would I avoid him if he was standing right in front of me?

Luckily though, he was not at the door when I opened it. In fact, he was nowhere at all. I stepped inside the house and locked the door behind me, holding my bags in one hand and my pepper spray in the other. The house was completely dark until I found the lamp by the couch and clicked it open. Everything was cleaned up more than usual, especially the couch. It looked as if nothing was touched, ever. I went through the dining room and kitchen and glanced down in the basement. Nothing.

"Justin!" I called, "Matthew!" I sounded crazy, but nothing again. I frowned a little as my heart sank. He was actually gone. Hmm... This was a strange, upsetting feeling. I knew wouldn't be happy to see him go, but I didn't think I'd feel this bad. I kicked off my Nikes and removed my jacket, leaving them anywhere they landed. I wasn't in the mood to be neat now. I turned off the lamp and felt myself tearing up as I walked up my stairs. A small sob escaped my throat and I wiped my face off with my free hand. I reached my bedroom and used the moonlight to find the light switch.

And then I screamed.

My bags fell from my hands and grabbed my pepper spray as the body on the bed leapt up from my hollering, looking confused and alarmed, just like me.

"Justin, what the fuck are you doing here!?" I yelled, "You gave me a heart attack!" He sighed and wiped the sleep from his face.

"I'm sorry," he grumbled tiredly, "The couch was hurting my back, so I just came up here."

"I don't want you in my room," I said, calming down, "I thought you left."

"Is that why you're crying?" he asked and I wiped my face again to get rid of the unfelt tears.

"I had something in my eyes," I lied... terribly. He didn't call me on it.

"Well, just so you know, I can't get very far without my wallet," he said sarcastically and I rolled my eyes.

"Here," I said, reaching for my purse now lying on the floor. I pulled his wallet out and tossed it at him.

"Thanks," he said, "I'm guessing you found your phone."

"I guess I did..." I mumbled shamefully. My gut tightened with a held back apology. Justin smiled a little at my uncomfortable stance.

"It's okay," he cooed, "I forgive you."

"Shut up," I griped as his eyes drifted to my fallen bags on the floor.

"What did you buy?" he asked curiously as I bent over to retrieve my bags.

"Nothing," I replied.

"I thought you hated shopping," he continued.

"I do," I said, "But I needed a few things."

"Why?" he asked. I gave him an annoyed glance.

"What's with the interrogation?" I asked back and he shrugged, scratching his stomach while stretching.

"I was just curious," he told me, dropping his arms back to his side before smirking at me, "You going anywhere?"

"Yes," I said, "Out." I turned away from him and towards my bureau. I began to unpack my bags. Three pairs of jeans, two tops, a pair of knee boots, and jewelry. I even made a pit stop at Victoria's Secret for some lotion and perfume. Those semi-annual sales always got me.

"Can I go?" he asked and I groaned as I shot him an annoyed glance in the reflection of my bureau's mirror.

"No, you cannot," I sighed, "Stop with the questions."

"Is it a date?" he asked again and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I'm having a really hot, sex-filled date with Fabio tomorrow night."

"Ew, that guy's like a hundred and ten," he said with a sour face. I shook my head and took in his grey sweats and white t-shirt. His hair was ruffled and his eyes were tired.

"Justin, it's really none of your business if I have a date or not anyway," I said, "It's none of your business that I'm going out period, so just zip your lips and get out of my room."

"I beg to differ," he argued back as I balled up the small bags and stuck them inside of the oversize bag my boots were in. "Sash, I'm serious. It's my business too." I rolled my eyes for the millionth time as I tucked my clothes into my drawers in neat piles and grabbed my shoe box.

"Why? You aren't anything to me," I said quietly because it hurt to say it to him. He was quiet as I walked over to my small side closet and tucked my new boots into the back corner with the rest of my shoes. I guess I had hurt his feelings too and I pushed my guilt down as I reasoned with myself that it was a good thing. A hurt Justin would leave me alone.

"I know you don't really mean the shit you say, but it does hurt to hear it," he said, confirming my suspicions, "I really don't understand why you're being so evil towards me. I'm trying here...I know that things were confusing, but I'm making it as clear as possible now. This is where I want to be. Not just in this moment, but for as long as you want me here."

"Bullshit," I discredited, "'Cause I don't want you here and yet, here you are." I placed my hands on my hips as I faced him, straightening out my stance as I looked him over. He was so damn cute and he wasn't even trying. I wish his physique wasn't so on point. It was shallow to say, but maybe this would be easier if he didn't look so good and tempting. The boy was just a living, breathing pile of sin.

"No, you're bullshit because you do want me here," he said, taking a few steps towards me. I backed up and put my arm out in front of me to block him off.

"Do not touch me," I warned, feeling my heart jump a little at the thought.

"Why not?" he asked, stepping forward again, "That's what I'm good enough for, right? I can't love you, but I'm allowed to fuck you." He stepped up again and I felt my whole body turning to mush as he grabbed my arms and yanked me into his chest. Our little teasing session clouded my mind and I didn't know what to say or do.

"Justin...." I said, unable to look away from the blazing fire in his eyes. He was so angry and it scared me and turned me on all at once. "You're hurting my arms." It was a lie, his hold was firm, but harmless, but I felt myself panicking a little. He just continued to stare me down. I felt small...smaller. He was always towering above me, but I was never intimidated before now.

He didn't loosen his grip at all. It actually felt tighter for a while and then there was an exhale of the breath he was holding. "What the hell do you want from me?" he whispered, anger flushing from his face and replaced with genuine sadness. I liked the anger better. Sad Justin had doe eyes and soft, pink cheeks. Sad Justin searched your eyes for answers and spoke so soft and broken that it made you want to cry. Sad Justin looked like he was damn near tears himself. I bit my bottom lip and turned my eyes from his to look at his large, white hand wrapped around one of my brown wrists, swallowing it whole.

"I dunno..." I mumbled as I shrugged. He sighed and let me go, but he stood right up in front of me. I felt his hands cup my face and force me to look up at him.

"Sash, you do know and I need you to tell me," he said, "I can’t give you what you need unless I know what it is. I’m clueless here." He searched my eyes a moment longer. I tried to show nothing in them, but it was hard to deny my emotions an escape. They had been packed away from him so long that they were begging to get out.

"I really don’t know," I said softly, "I want you…I want to be with you…but…" I trailed off, feeling foolish. This was sounding more and more like some melodramatic romance film by the moment. I could feel myself recoiling.

"If you wanna be with me, then by all means – be with me. I’m right here. I’m waiting on you to give me the go ahead so that I can be with you."

"It’s not that simple, Justin," I tried to explain, "I’m Sash, ya know? I’m a nurse…in Philly. North Philly. Temple graduate."

"I’m aware of all that," he said, not understanding at all. "Sash, what does nursing have to do with anything?"

"Everything," I said simply, "Justin, you’re a superstar…musician…actor…producer…or whatever else that you do. You even design clothes! You’re a millionaire, sleeping on my couch every night like it’s no big deal. Don’t get me wrong, I like that you don’t really hate sleeping on the couch and you’re not some pompous snob, but… you don’t belong here. You don’t belong in this house, on my couch or in my bed. You don’t even belong in this area. Who the hell thinks of North Philly when they think of Justin Timberlake?" He shrugged after my ramblings, frustrating me further.

"That’s a good thing to me to me," he said, "No paps."

"Yes, no paps," I repeated, "But do you see my point here? Do you see where the problem is?" He shrugged again and pursed his lips in thought.

"I guess I can understand that we’re two different people…. I can understand that you might see it as challenging, but Sash, I can assure you –"

"Justin, you can’t assure me anything, so don’t even try to," I interrupted, "Life doesn’t give a shit about your assurances or your intentions or your plans. Shit happens – it always does. That’s how it goes, but I don’t think I could handle that with you."

"All couples go through shit, Sash," Justin told me, "I know that shit happens. Trust me, that's not something that I'm unfamiliar with. But what I'm saying to you is that you can't push me away to avoid shit from happening. It doesn't make any sense."

"What doesn't make sense is jumping into something that you know won't work," I argued back, "Yeah, all couples go through shit, but not very many couples have to go through the shit we will. Distance, for instance. You're all the way in Los Angeles. That's across the fucking country, Justin. When am I going to see you?"

He rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in frustration. "Sash, you're seeing me now, aren't you? I flew out here to see you. That's how we'll see each other."

"Well now is different, Justin," I retorted, "You have more free time right now."

"I'm still working," he said, "I work all the time. I did three over the phone interviews in the last two days. I wrote a couple of songs. I even set up some studio times and television interviews. I'm always on the clock, no matter where I am. It's not a problem if I want to work from here or LA. I find my ways. Besides, you can come out and see me if I ever get stuck out somewhere. Like if I'm on tour in Europe or something that extreme."

"I can't fly out everywhere at any given time," I said, "I have a job here. I have friends and family... I can't up and go wherever and whenever I want."

"You can request off," he told me, "Clare can work something out for you."

"Justin, I cannot request all these days off. I have bills that need to be paid." He gave me a look and I could already see what was going to come out of his mouth.

"Sash, you know I have your back on things like that," he said before quickly adding, "If you ever really, really, really need it because I know that you can take care of yourself."

"Well, I won't be able to take care of much if I become your groupie girlfriend and follow you around the world."

"Well you're going to have to fly out sometimes, Sash," he said, "I can't always be the one to do it. Besides, you have to meet my family and friends. It's easier to bring you to them than them to you."

"Not for days at a time, all the time," I said.

"You don't have to stay for days, even though that would be nice," Justin smirked a little, "I can arrange for private jets and whatnot. We can see each other for a couple of hours and I'll have you home before your bedtime." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled a bit. "Sash, whatever you can throw at me, I'll have a solution or explanation, so stop fighting me on this."

"I have another thing to discuss," I said softly and he tilted his head to the side to read my face a little. Then he frowned and I thought that maybe he got it.

"What is it?" he asked timidly and I shrugged and looked down at my feet.

"Well... the distance thing will be kind of hard on the both of us," I said, "I've never been in any form of a long distance relationship. I've never had to deal with space and when I did have to deal with it on a lower scale with Angel and being busy all of the time.... Well, we both know what happened." Justin sighed.

"Sash, I'm not going to cheat on you," he said, "I've been on the shit end of that stick and it's not fun. I would never do that to you." My heart nodded and agreed. He would never do that...but isn't that what they all say? I had a hard time believing that Justin could stay faithful for too long. Not because of Jessica or anything, but because he was a man and women threw themselves at him on a daily basis. Hell, I want to throw myself at him on a daily basis. And there's only so many times that he can say 'no' before he finally says 'yes'.

"Justin, don't lie to me when you answer this," I demanded and he nodded, "You've never slept with women while you were on tour or something?"

"Well, I have. I've slept with women when I wasn't on tour too, but not when I was in a relationship."

"You've never cheated?" He shook his head. "No kiss, no head, no sex....Nothing?"

"Nope," he said, "I've only cheated once and that was emotionally and that was with you and Jessica." I frowned automatically and he smoothed his hands over my frump face. "I would never cheat, it's not in me, even when it's really tempting," he assured, "For example, when you and I were on the stairs together the last time and you asked me to be with you."

My stomached knotted up at the memory and I felt stupid and embarassed again. "I know that I was deamed an asshole for saying no, but Sash, I wanted you. I still want you and you're just standing here. You have no idea how hard it was to say no to you, but I still did because I knew it was wrong. I had already crossed the line by falling for you in the first place. I didn't want to be that type of person. What I did with you as Matthew was something that I couldn't have helped. Honestly, if my head wasn't completely empty when I met you, I would've went running for the hills because I was already too attracted to you from the moment I laid eyes on you."

"But you'll be tempted..." I said, "What if you meet a girl and you fall for her too?"

"Doubt that I'll fall for anybody because I can't stop thinking of you, whether you're here with me or across the globe. You're always on my mind. However, I can't say that I won't have a lot of attractive women around me. But you drool over Shia Labeouf, but I know that you wouldn't do anything, even if he offered." I raised a brow comically and he glared at me.

"I'm kidding..." I grumbled and then I exhaled deeply. "I'm hesitanting here... You make it sound like I'm being irrational."

"You're not being irrational, it's okay to be worried," he said, "But Sash, don't through us away because it seems too hard. You have to give us a chance, ya know? If we work out, we'll be happy for the rest of our lives... If we don't, then at least we know we tried."

"And failed," I added bitterly, "I don't want to risk losing you like that. People hate each other after break ups."

"That's not true," he argued. "People have become great friends after break ups."

"Name one," I shot back and he paused in thought.

"Well, I can't name one off the top of my head, but I know they're out there."

I rolled my eyes. "If we break up, I'll never be able to look at you again. That's just how I am."

"Then lets not ever break up," he said simply, "Problem solved." I shook my head at his ridiculously simple philosophy.

"You see the world in a very weird light," I said, "You're too optimisitic."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment," I informed him and he shrugged.

"Well, you're too pessimistic, so we balance each other out," he said, "Even more reason to be together."

"Why are you so hell bent on being with me?" I asked, "I'm trying to get you to go away and you stay around."

"Because I know you want to be with me too, despite your lame attempts to push me out of your life," he said.

"You could have a lot of women and you want a North Philly nurse who's completely pessimistic and mean towards you on a daily basis." I was confused.

"Why would I want a lot of women when I could have the one woman that I need?" he asked, "Put it like this: I'm hungry and I know that I want a Big Mac with extra pickles -"

"What?" I interrupted with a giggle, "What are you talking about?"

"Just listen," he whined, "Okay, so I'm drooling just thinking about this Big Mac, but I go to Wendy's and get some nuggets instead. Yeah, the nuggets are good, but it's not what I wanted. My stomach may be fool, but I'm still hungry and searching for that Big Mac. I'm never going to be satisfied until I have it."

"So... I'm the Big Mac?" I asked, piecing it together.

"Yes," he smiled proudly.

"And the other women... they're the Wendy's nuggets - good, but not satisfying."

"Exactly," he beamed, "So you get what I'm saying?"

"I guess," I shrugged, "It's a weird analogy."

"Well, that's how I feel," he smirked, "You're my Big Mac, Bob's the extra pickles."

"Oh, so you need my cat too?" I laughed and he nodded.

"I love Bob," he said, "I have a million dogs, but Bob is the man." I shook my head and laughed again. The man was insane and in love with my cat and I. I felt myself wanting to give in. To just say yes and be with him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hug him. I wanted him to call and whisper that he missed me late at night when he was away on tour and I couldn't go out to see him. It would be cool to see the world with him. I wasn't much for the celebrity that he was... It was still weird to think that the scruffy mess of a man in front of me was a household name that even my mother would recognize.

I gave him a once over check out and he waited patiently for me to speak. Too bad I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if saying yes would be something I regretted in the morning. My emotions were so jumbled these days that I didn't know how to feel anymore. As much as I wanted to be carefree and just give it a go, my heart was my most prized possession and the thought of Justin breaking it... again...was a lot to ignore.

"I don't know how I feel about this yet," I said after a moment, "I want to say yes, but I also want to secure myself with my decision first. I don't want to change my mind and upset you or anything." He nodded.

"Not what I wanted to hear exactly, but I thank you for being honest."

"I just don't want to wake up tomorrow and take it back," I said, "I have to mull it over."

"Okay, that's fine," he said, "How about I go away for a few days... Maybe three or five days. I can get some work done back in LA and then I'll call you or I can get a flight down here again and we can talk this out. That way, you can be by yourself and think it over and not have to worry about me being around to...influence any decisions." I thought about him getting on a plane and leaving and my heart sunk a little, but he was right. He was a bit distracting.

"Okay, that's fine," I said, nodding in approval, "That's a good idea." He smiled softly.

"Good, we actually agreed on something," he chuckled. "I guess I'll leave tomorrow."

"After I get home from work," I said, "I want to see you off."

He smiled a little brighter. "Okay, after work." I nodded and we stood there awkwardly before I tossed the plastic shopping bags I was still holding into the corner of my room. "Well, I guess I better let you sleep. Early shift, right?" I nodded. "Okay...well, g'night." He slowly moved foreward and kissed my forehead and then my cheek. I stood stiff until he pulled away, leaving his scent in my nose.

"Goodnight," I called as he turned and walked towards the door. He smiled at me over his shoulder and walked out into the hall, pulling the door shut behind him. I stared at the wooden barrier and just as the first stair creeked, I yanked it open. "On second thought, you can sleep up here."

I barely saw him move because he was right by my side as the words left my mouth. We both laughed at his excitement, but I didn't tease him beyond that. I felt awkward, but Justin comfortably tossed himself into my bed as I headed over to my bureau. I opened a drawer and pulled out a night gown. It was cotton, but lace trimmed. Justin whistled from behind me and I laughed.

"Shut up and turn around," I said, laying the material on the top of the bureau as I yanked my off my top. I stood in a tank and nursing pants.

"Nope," he said, shaking his head, "I like the view from here."

"Fine," I said, grabbing my nightie and turning to leave. Justin 'boo'ed me as I left, calling me a party pooper and I laughed at his childish ways. I changed in the bathroom and folded up my clothes from the day. As I walked back into the room, Justin was quiet and just looking me over. I felt strange and self conscious as I tossed my used clothes into the hamper.

"You're really beautiful," he complimented as I hit the lights and the room flooded with a blue-ish glow from the moon.

"Stop trying to influence my decision," I joked as I climbed into the bed, over him, and to the empty left side. I laid down, pulling the sheets over my body as Justin did the same. We were both on our sides, facing each other and in the silence, I felt like we were talking. I was telling him how much I loved him and he was whispering back the same.

"Am I allowed to hold you?" he asked with a small smile. "Or would that influence your decision?"

"It would influence it, but you can hold me." His arm wrapped around my waist and we scooted closer to each other. His hand rubbed the small of my back in comforting circles as my hand rested against his chest between us. I felt his heart beating against my hand and closed my eyes to concentrate on the rhythm. Justin kissed my forehead and my hold body relaxed. I wrapped my arm around his waist and gave him as good a squeeze as I could manage. He chuckled a little, his whole body shaking lightly.

"Sorry, but your hair's tickling my neck," he laughed again, "I've been trying to hold it in, but I can't." He laughed again as I purposely shook my head and tickled him with my hair. I stopped for a moment because I started laughing too before I turned my back to him. I lined myself against his body as he settled down. I bunned up my hair and he held my waist as I finished. I laid my hand on top of his, intertwining our fingers as we spooned. I felt his body all around me and I knew that I was safe in his arms. It was a comforting feeling and I almost made my decision right then and there.

"I can't even tell you how good this feels. . ." Justin told me softly, "This, I hope, influences your decision." I didn't respond as he kissed the back of my neck gently. I just moved back against him and gave his hand a little squeeze.