What the fuck was I thinking?

I can't do this. I cannot do this. I.Can.Not.Do.This.

I took a deep breath. I was gonna create a damn trench in my living room if I didn't stop pacing. I couldn't help it. Why was I doing this to myself? I should've just made that mid-labor call. Mama would've gotten over it. She'd be happy that she had a grandbaby with real good curly hair. The kind I always wanted when I was little. It would've saved me a lot of burns from that hot comb...

All hell, what was I going on about? My mama was gonna kill me. She was gonna kill Justin. She was gonna take my baby out of my belly and slap me with it. She'll go Sash, you're a damn fool for messin' with that white boy! Just because he said he's Justin Timberlake, doesn't mean he is...And if he is Justin Timberlake, why would he give up his life to raise your baby? You look like a damn gold digger...Make sure you get all the child support you can!

See, Justin thought he could handle my mother, but no, no, no, no... Even I couldn't handle my mother and she raised me. You'd think I'd grow immune to all the judgmental behavior, but I think I've just taken it like a whimpy child and never spoke of it again.

And you wonder why I have issues.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mama, but Lord... I can only take her in doses and I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever had to tell my mother something this huge before. I never even told her Angel and I lived together. She would've called me a heathen and said I got what I deserved for bending over backwards for a man...And I couldn't really argue with that. My mother had a way of being real mean, but right all the damn time. It was really annoying.

"Oh, Bob," I moaned out in agony as my feline friend came sashaying into my living room. He meowed and hopped on the couch, curling up on the cushion. "If I don't make it home, I left the cat food by the basement door." He tilted his head at me curiously just as the door bell sounded. I jumped like I wasn't expecting Justin at any minute, but I was still nervous. It had been a week since we came to this great solution and now it was coming into play.

I sighed, trying to get a normal breathing pattern as I opened the door. I almost slammed it shut as soon as I did. Justin would come up to my door in a white button up, dark, torn jeans, and the freshest Jordans I had ever seen. He had cut his hair to a buzz and I had a 'Rock Your Body' flashback as he offered me a nervous smile.

"Hey," he greeted, clearing his throat, "You look really beautiful." I looked down at my attire, jeans and some stupid white top you could barely see beneath my wrap around jacket. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up," I groaned, unable to take a compliment from somebody who looked gorgeous by default. I did do my make up, but it wasn't that serious. He was just trying to kiss my ass again and it was annoying.

"Well, I can't say the baby looks pretty, seeing that it's inside of you," Justin said bitterly, "Damn, are genuine compliments off limits too?"

"Yes," I said sharply, "Look, I don't have time to be dicking around with you. I'm scared and tired and completely paranoid." He took a step toward me and I turned and walked away from the door so he could let himself all the way in. I stopped in the middle of the living room as he locked my door behind him.

"Sash, it's not that bad, trust me," Justin said soothingly, but I wasn't hearing it. "Your mama is gonna be so happy to be a grandmother."

"She already is a grandmother," I pointed out.

"Not because of you," Justin reminded, "She'll be excited."

"Or severely disappointed," I added, "I wasn't suppose to screw up like this."

"What is this? Lifetime?" Justin joked, "Sash, you're not some drug crazed teenager. You're a responsible, well-educated woman. You're capable of being a mother and I'm capable of being a father. There's no screwing up here. We have this in the bag."

"Yeah, a body bag," I griped, "She's gonna kill us."

"She's not gonna kill anybody," Justin sighed, rolling his eyes, "Why do you doubt yourself when you're in no position to do so? Sash, you're an amazing person and you obviously have a lot of respect, and fear, for your mother. She'll know that this wasn't planned, but she'll also know that she has a daughter with a good head on her shoulders and a good man by her side every step of the way." I snorted.

"You are not allowed to toot your own horn," I told him.

"I most certainly am," he argued playfully, "Especially when I know that I'm gonna be getting that Father of the Year award every year until the end of time." I rolled my eyes, attempting to push down the smile threatening to take over my face.

"You know that you're gonna have to impress my mother enough to make her believe that," I warned.

"So I guess the whole defensive, 'I-don't-trust-anyone' attitude is hereditary?" Justin inquired. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"We also have an ass kicking gene that gets passed down from generation to generation," I informed him as he chuckled.

"Must've skipped you," he teased and I shot him the sharpest glare I could. He was smart enough to take it back."I was just joking, Sash," he said warily.

"Whatever," I sighed, "I'm not in a good mood."

"I can see that..." he mumbled.

"What the hell does that mean?" I snapped. His eyes widened slightly at my defensiveness.

"Sorry, bad joke again," he sighed, "Sash, I know you're pregnant, but I'm walking on eggshells here."

"Why does it have to be my hormones?" I asked angrily, "Why can't you be my problem?"

"I didn't say all that, but-"

"But what?" I asked, daring him to answer. His shoulders slumped as his eyes softened.

"I'm sorry, you're right. I am the problem. I shouldn't have said anything." I looked him up and down as he gave me his pitiful look of regret. I rolled my eyes.

"Lets just get this over and done with," I groaned, "The quicker this is over, the better."

"Speaking of which," Justin said, looking wary again. "About the whole...physical part."

"There is no physical part," I said, "Do even try to touch me."

"But couples don't act like that," Justin argued, "Your mom will know."

"I'll tell her we had a fight," I said nonchalantly.

"That's a horrible idea," Justin said, "If we have this fight, we'll look unstable."

"Couples fight, Justin. She'll understand." I grabbed my wallet from the coffee table.

"This would be a bad way to approach your mother," Justin said stubbornly, "We shouldn't fight."

"You know what? You are so right. We probably shouldn't fight," I agreed sarcastically, "'Cause if we have a fight, that means we'll have to bring Jessica along so you can fuck her while I sleep." I brushed past his figure to get my Nikes by the door. I didn't want to turn around. I had no idea where my outburst came from and I can only imagine the look on Justin's face.

There was a long, awkward silence as I laced up my shoes before Justin took a very deep, shaky breath. "Was that really necessary, Sasheirah?" he asked softly.

"I could ask you the same thing," I said just as lightly. He sighed again as I finished up the last loop and stood tall. "Lets go." I was heading out the door before he could respond. I didn't look at him when he stepped outside after me. I just waited to lock the door as he made his way to his truck, parked shiny and new behind my Lexus. I watched him walk stiffly to the driver's side and slam the door shut once he settled into his seat.

I winced at the loud sound, semi-prepared to drive my own car as Justin turned the key in his ignition. I told myself that I had the right to say whatever I wanted to him, but I had to admit that it was unnecessary to some degree and that if it didn't hurt him to hear, it certainly stung my own heart to say. But I kept a look of indifference on my face as I walked confidently towards his truck. I walked around it, glancing into the windshield to see Justin staring at his lap. I pretended not to see the pained look on his face; the one he was probably trying to wipe away before I settled into the car.

He was successful; at least from what I could see from the corner of my eyes as I slipped into the passanger seat. He powerlocked the doors behind me as I clipped my seatbelt. He pulled off in silence after putting the car in drive. The first five seconds of silence were too unbearable to keep up, so I fidgeted with the radio, settling on a Motown station. The sounds of The Temptations filled the car, their cheerful "My Girl" flowed through the speakers and felt out of place, but it was better than nothing.

I craned my neck as far as I could to look out the window without seeing Justin from the corners of my eyes. However, he was always making his way into my line of vision. I finally just gave up and closed them, taking slow breaths to calm myself. My mother would be in my face in less than twenty minutes and I was truly scared. I was always the one who did things right (even if she never quite said it outloud) and now I was having a baby with a white man who cheated on me and is now pretending to still be with me to save me a bit of grief. My stomach filled with doubt, overflowing with butterflies. This wouldn't work. My mother wouldn't let us off that easy. And I could only hope none of my siblings would be around to instigate the entire situation.

I should've mentioned Justin earlier. I should've done a lot of things.

"Sasheirah," Justin called, shaking me gently as I slowly opened my eyes and moaned in displeasure.

"What?" I asked, annoyed and tired.

"You dosed off," he told me stiffly, turning off his car as I realized he had parked behind the all too familiar Jeep of my mother's. Several 'Proud Parent of an Honor Roll Student' stickers were halfway peeling from her bumper after so many years.

"We're here already?" I said more than asked, my stomach knotting up as I took a deep breath.

"Yeah...Are you okay?" Justin asked, genuinely concerned as he leaned to face me. "You look a little sick. Are you nauseous?"

"I'm fine," I lied, "I just need to calm down and get my thoughts together."

"Well, I think the fighting is a bad idea," Justin said meekly, "I don't want to make this more awkward than necessary and sharing good news with your mother after making her aware that we're fighting doesn't make much sense. We want this to go smoothly. We want to look perfect for each other."

"Sounds impossible," I mumbled childishly.

"Sash, stop disregarding my existance," Justin said firmly. I glared at him.

"I'm disregarding your existance?" I asked, "Do I really need to refresh your memory about why we're in this mess in the first place?"

"I know why we're fucked up, Sash," Justin sighed, "Trust me, I don't let myself forget and you certainly won't let it slip my mind. I know that you're stressed over this and I just want things to be fine so you can relax. I just need your cooperation. I need you to dig deep and remember that you love me...or you once did anyway... and channel that energy. Use it as inspiration to hold my hand and pretend we're still together."

I crossed my arms over my chest. I refused to look at him, scared that I might burst into tears. I need you to dig deep and remember that you love me...or you once did anyway... He had to be kidding me. Dig deep? What for? The love was right there on the stupid ass surface. And 'once did'? How did I not still love this man? I was good at putting up fronts, but he had to at least see that the love was still there.

"Whatever," I said, for what felt like the millionth time since Justin came back into my life. I just don't have much to say after he goes off into one of his little speeches. "You can hold my hand, but nothing else."

"That'll be fine," he said, "But we should be thorough. We can't look awkward."

"Well it's going to be a little awkward," I said, finally facing him. It was momentarily regrettable because he had this way of holding my gaze with a million unsaid words behind his eyes.

"Maybe we should've practiced..." Justin mumbled thoughtfully.

"It's a little too late for that," I said, shaking my head. "This was a horrible idea."

"We haven't even started yet," Justin argued with a small smirk, "We can practice a little. Give me your hand." I looked down at my hand and at him.

"Why?" I asked dumbly. "Justin, we can just wing it."

"Are you sure?" he asked, "I thought your mom was a bloodhound for liars. If she sees you looking weird holding my hand..."

"Okay," I relented, unclipping my seatbelt to turn sideways to face him. He did the same, looking at me with googly eyes. I sucked my teeth, annoyed and shaking as I raised my right hand from my lap and hung it mid-air for him to do his bidding. Justin looked at my hand for a moment as silence engulfed us.

It took took what felt like forever, but his hand raised from his own lap and hovered over mine, close but never touching. I could feel the warmth of his large hand over mine. I licked my lips, remember how strong those hands were, how gentle, how skilled... I almost hand a damn orgasm when he finally rested his hand over mine, flipping it around so it was palm up. Then he laid his hand right over mine, palm to palm.

His free hand appeared and warmed the back of my hand, sandwiching me. His top hand slowly ran down my palm, his fingers tracing along the lines that decorated the pale flesh. He was staring intently at my hand as he did so before turning it around and intertwining our fingers. He slowly tangled our mix-matched hands in a firm grip. His callused hands were delightfully rough on mine. His peachy skin strongly contrasted my brown tone. The sheer length of his fingers and the grith of his palm dominated me.

I was embarrassed by the shudder that shot through my body from our laced hands. I could only wish he didn't feel it, but the smirk that spread across his lips had too much of a perfect timing for my comfort. "Is practice over?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent. Justin nodded, slowly detaching our hands with a bright smile.

"You ready?" I glanced at my mother's Jeep and shook my head.

"Nope," I said honestly, "But lets go."

__________________________________________________________

Sasheirah's mother had a strange resemblance to a munchkin now that I thought about it. Short and stout minus the happiness, of course. There was no welcoming dance or lollipops here. It was obvious that Sash had inherited her height from her mother and even more obvious that their attitude issues were in fact hereditary.

If I wasn't somewhat sure that Sash loved me, I would've been scared she'd throw me in front of the bus, , her mother's vicious claws, just to save herself some ridicule and glares. Her mother's eyes almost melted my face off when Sash had revealed our little secret. Now it was intensely awkward and excruciatingly silent. It was like a movie, I swear.

The big clock on the wall was brown and ticking. It even had the gold ball hanging at the bottom, swinging back and forth in rhythm with the seconds ticking by. Sash's palm was sweaty against my own sweaty palm. If we weren't holding each other's hands so tightly out of nervousness, we probably would've slipped apart with a very awkward squishy sound that would disgust her mother even more with the situation in front of her.

"So...you're...pregnant?" Sash's mother had a way of saying things in slow, broken sentences. This was the third time she has asked Sash to repeat herself.

"Yes," Sash answered obediently. I had never seen her coward like a beaten puppy before. It was strange. Her intimidation and fear for her mother made my stomach do weird flips. I was beginning to get paranoid, as if her mother would leap from the couch and beat us at any given moment.

"And...you're...the...father?" her mother asked, shifting her eyes to me. They looked almost black and demonic. I felt like she was tearing through my soul with every word. My heart was beating quicker than necessary as I swallowed spit and nodded.

"Yes, ma'am," I said, clearing my throat. My southern accent was heavily lacing any word I said. It was a nervous trait of mine. I turned into a country bumpkin the moment I was under a lot of pressure.

Miss. Hanes sighed (yes, Miss. I made the egregious error of saying 'Mrs. Hanes' after the awkward door greeting. I could've sworn the vein in her neck was gonna burst when she clenched her teeth and growled that she was certainly not married). "Well...If you're pregnant...You're pregnant." I furrowed my brows. I didn't know what that meant.

"Well, I am," Sash said softly, "I...I mean, we were going to tell you sooner, but -"

Her mother interrupted, "Sasheirah Mallory Hanes, I'm not stupid and I'll never be, so don't try and give me any excuse about not telling me sooner. Your mother is the second person you tell 'cause God's always the first to know. For the love of all things good and holy, your phone still works last I checked. I would've gotten the voicemail if I didn't answer."

"Sorry, Mama," Sasheirah mumbled.

"Your middle name is Mallory?" I asked, gleeful that I found out something about her. Sash and her mother shot me a dirty look. "Sorry..." I trailed of, blushing a bit as her mother rolled her eyes at me.

Miss. Hanes sighed deeply. "I swear, I don't know where I went wrong with you girls. Y'all act like y'all can't tell your own mama something. I'm the one who feed and clothed you."

"I know, but I didn't know for almost two months," Sasheirah argued lightly - very lightly. "I thought I was just getting fat." I snapped my head in her direction, a look of disapproval etched into my features.

"You're not fat," I cooed comfortingly. She rolled her eyes, not bothering to look at me.

"Yes she is," her mother argued, making me snap my head in her direction to give her my disbelieving look. She was too busy giving Sash the up and down stare to see me. "But that's a good thing. The baby has to have a healthy mother in order to be healthy too." I bit my lip, wanting to defend Sash, but she warned me earlier that arguing with her mother was neverending and bothersome to both parties of the argument.

"Well, Sash is plently healthy," I assured, not certain if I should even be speaking at all, but I had to say some to help Sash's self-esteem. Her mother's backhanded fat compliment was a knock to her soul, even if she didn't admit it. "She takes good care of herself." Miss. Hanes looked at me with an annoyed raised brow.

"She's a nurse, so I'm assuming she does," her mother grumbled off, turning back to Sash. "Anyway, when are you having a baby shower?" Sash's expression was surprised.

"I don't know," she said, "I didn't plan anything."

"What about you?" Miss. Hanes asked, turning to me again. I shrugged.

"I didn't plan it out either," I said honestly. Her mother's eyes hardened a bit.

"Like you didn't plan on impregnanting my daughter, huh?" she questioned. I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out. "That's what I thought." Sash gave my hand a tiny squeeze and I faced her with a frustrated expression. She shook her head quickly, signaling me to just drop it.

"Well, we can always plan the shower later," I tried, "We just have bigger issues right now, like building up the nursery."

"And where exactly are we building that?" her mother asked and I shrugged, confused.

"Well...Sash's, of course," I said simply. Sash looked as confused as me when I glanced over at her. She was looking at her mother, waiting for a response.

"So...you're living...together?" her mother asked, slowly yet again. I looked at Sash who was looking at her mother. I couldn't decipher that look, but for some reason my answer was stuck in my throat. I wasn't sure what answer would be the best one. Should I be living with Sash? Would that make us look better or will Sash get in more trouble for living with me because her mother will further blame her unplanned pregnancy on us moving too fast (at least from her perspective)?

"I...umm...no," I stammered, "I mean, I have an apartment downtown, and I come by enough -"

"Obviously," her mother mumbled bitterly, glancing at Sash's barely-there-belly.

"I mean that I'm not far and we see each other often," I tried again, to no avail. Her mother still looked as bitter and annoyed. "Sash and I are comfortable with things as they are."

"Meaning you have no intention of building a family with my daughter?" Miss. Hanes inquired and my heart had a sharp and searing pain.

"Well..." I trailed off, glancing at Sash who was rolling her eyes and shaking her head to the Heavens. Everything in me wanted to build a family with her and have a future together, but Miss. Hanes junior had no intentions of building one with me. Not after what I did. I bit my bottom lip and glanced down at the floor, willing myself not to get upset.

"I guess your silence answers that question," Sash's mother sighed, "Baby, I don't know why you're wasting your time with this boy because he is not gonna be bothered with you much longer."

"Mama!" Sash groaned, "Please stop it. I didn't come here to be critized, I came here to tell you what I thought was good news."

"Obviously not that good if you couldn't call me when you should've," her mother argued, "And did you not hear that silence? This boy has no plans for you in his future. You need to make sure you secure yourself and not depend on him."

"This boy is sitting right here," I interrupted, making her mother's dark brown eyes to harden against mine as I picked up my vision from her living room rug. I was really starting to dislike the woman in front of me.

"I don't care where you're sitting," her mother growled, "I'll tell the truth in front of whoever will listen."

"With all due respect Miss. Hanes, my relationship with Sash is really none of your concern," I stated firmly and Sash yanked my arm to silence me.

"Justin-" she started, but I cut her off.

"No, she needs to understand something," I said to Sash over my shoulder before turning back to her mother, "I love your daughter. I do. I know you don't believe me and, to be frank, I don't care. I don't care if you don't like me or the fact that Sash is pregnant, but I'm here and that's my child she's carrying and despite what you think, I'm not going anywhere because I love them both more than myself. More than you can even fathom. I know you're her mother and you only have the best interests for Sasheirah, but you honestly don't have to worry about anything. Even if Sash and I weren't together, I would still be right here, holding her hand and supporting her. Even if I wasn't around, you've raised a brave, self-sufficient woman who can take care of anything life throws at her. There's no need to cut her down and warn her and scare her, especially right now. We both just want your blessing and maybe some parenting advice as things progress, but no stress please. There's more than enough of that already." I turned to Sash who had linked her arm through mine and gave her hand a little squeeze. I leant over and took advantage of the moment, placing a small kiss to her temple before turning back to her mother.

Miss. Hanes sat back in the chair she was in and crossed, uncrossed, and crossed her legs before a tiny 'hmph' escaped her throat. "Whatever, Justin, if that's you're real name... I don't need you to tell me the type of daughter I have. I'm well aware of Sash's character. I know she can do whatever it is that she needs to do, but she shouldn't have to bear the weight of parenting on her own -"

"And she won't have to," I inserted, "I'm right here."

"For now," her mother said with certainty. I rolled my eyes, a habit I surely picked up from Sash.

"I actually plan on sticking around until....I don't know...death, maybe? Even then I'll probably float somewhere on cloud and watch over my family." Miss. Hanes raised a brow at me. "Hopefully somewhere before I kick the bucket, I'll get on your good side and you'll see that I'm a man of my word."

"I seriously doubt that," her mother grumbled, and I waivered a little with guilt. I guess I did break my word when it came to never cheating, but it was a momentary, highly-emotional mistake that makes me physically ill to think about. I certainly learned my lesson and I knew in my hearts of hearts, right down to my core that I would never abandon my family. That promise would never be broken under any circumstances.

"Mama, I can't stay much longer," Sash broke in softly, "I just wanted to see you and let you know. We'll be on our way now."

"Well, before you go, can I see?" her mother asked, trying to seem indifferent about whatever it was she was asking.

"See what?" Sash asked, as confused as I was. Her mother gestured toward her stomach.

"The baby, of course," she said, sucking her teeth, "I want to see your bump." Sasheirah paused before hesitantly standing. Our linked arms and entwined hands fell apart as she walked the two foot space between her mother and our spot on the sofa. I watched her from behind as she stopped in front of her mother's chair. Her hands hesitantly reached for the hem of her top, slowly pulling it upward as her mother's stone face nearly broke out into a smile she quickly hid.

"Well...you're a little high up," her mother said, examining her belly as I subconsciously leaned to the side and forward, trying to catch a peek. "I think you're gonna have a girl."

"Really?" her said, wrinkling her nose. I smirked. "I want a boy."

"Well, they aren't Cabbage Patch Kids," her mother said distastefully, "You can't pick and choose."

"I know," Sash whined, "I just think boys are easier."

"No child is easier, boy or girl," her mother stated wisely, "They're just different. A boy seems easier 'cause you don't have to worry about make up and periods, but you gotta shape him into a man. A provider and protector. He has to find his place in the world 'cause he won't get much sympathy. A woman will get a little more slack, sexist as it may be, but a man will get it the hardest. He has to be the strongest and most competitive and know how to fight - he can't be weak in the eyes of the world. A girl will have to learn how to respect her body and not get her heart broken and learn to not let the world tell her she needs to stay pretty and pregnant. She has to learn to work hard and be independent and not rely on a man... You're shaping a human being who will touch the lives of people or even change the world. It's not easy to do and it'll only get harder...Especially when your baby starts having babies of their own..." She trailed off, giving Sash's stomach a tiny kiss before covering it up with her shirt again.

For the first time since I stepped into the house, I saw Sash's mother. I saw her wisdom. I saw the way she loved Sash. I guess I couldn't blame her for being so hard on me and hard on Sash... She didn't want Sash to have to do this alone. Miss. Hanes has been hurt before, it was evident in her stance and in her eyes when she saw the way Sash and I held hands. There was suspicion, but there was a sort of envy or nostalgia.

Sasheirah stared down at her mother she stood up and they were eye to eye. "Mama, you always scare me."

"I'm just being honest," her mother said, kissing her cheek gently before embracing her. I looked away, feeling like I was in a private moment between daughter and mother. I felt out of place. "Next time you want to tell me something, tell me it, please. I'm surprised you didn't call me the night you went into labor." Sasheirah laughed.

"I was planning to," she confessed, making her mother and I chuckle. "I'm glad I didn't, Mama. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner."

"It's okay," her mother assured, "Don't let it happen again." Sash nodded and they hugged again, swaying back and forth in a slow rhythm before finally breaking apart. Her mother's eyes shifted over Sash's shoulder, meeting my gaze as Sash moved to stand by the sofa I was sitting on. I stood to be at her side. We took each other's hands again, facing her mother as one.

"It was nice meeting you, Ma'am," I spoke up first, "Hopefully you'll be more trusting of me as time goes on."

"My daughter loves you," Miss. Hanes announced and I couldn't help the jerk of my chest as Sash's hand flexed involuntarily in mine, "I can see that she does, but I can see she's scared too, which means she's worried about you and the baby. I don't know what that means, young man, but I really hope it's not a question of your character as a father or a boyfriend."

I blinked and cleared my throat. "I'm not perfect," I said, "But I know where I stand concerning your daughter and our child. Like I said, I'm here to stay with both Sash and the baby."

"Well, I really hope so," Miss. Hanes said, her words laced with an unspoken threat, "If Sash sees something in you, I guess you are somewhat worthy of my consideration, but I'm very protective of my children, Justin. I don't like to see them hurting and I don't take to kindly to men who hurt them."

"Well, it's a good thing we don't have to worry about that," I told her, straightfaced. She looked me up and down.

"Then I guess it was good meeting you," she told me.

"The feeling's mutual," I said back, reaching out for a handshake. She gave me a very loose and brief shake before turning back to Sash.

"You better call me if you need anything and we have to get started on this shower. I need you to give Clare my number as well."

"Yes, Mama," Sash nodded. "I'll talk to you later then."

"Yeah, yeah," her mother said playfully before we both turned toward her front door. Her mother trailed behind. Sash's palm was still soft and warm against mine, but no longer clammy. It felt good to know she was much more at ease.

We waved with our free hands as we finally exited the house, her mother waving back as she locked the door behind us. I walked Sash to the passanger door, holding it open for her. It wasn't until she was settling into her seat that our hands broke apart. It was a weird feeling swimming through my gut as I shut the door behind her and walked to the driver's side.

Pretending was now over and my hand had never felt so hollow. I tried to push the thought from my mind, but it was only more obvious when I settled into my seat and started up my truck. Sash was almost pressed against the door, angled off as far away from me as possible. I think she even flinched when I reached my hand over to turn on the radio.

"Are you okay?" I asked, keeping the volume low to hear her. She shrugged from her corner, not looking at me as she stared out her window.

"I'm fine," she lied and I didn't need to see her eyes to know it. I looked at her a moment longer before she slowly turned to face me.

"Your mom's intense," I said, trying to smile. Sash offered me a weak smirk.

"I told you," she reminded, "I warned you about how judgmental she can be."

"She was sweet at the end though," I pointed out, "Nice baby bump, by the way." Sash glanced away at her hands.

"Yeah... It's crazy how fast it's growing," she mumbled, "I can't imagine what I'll look like in another month or two."

"Like a beach ball?" I suggested and she reached over and punched me in the arm. I hissed in pain, rubbing the sore spot as she pouted.

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't get the easy part of this pregnancy, unlike some people," Sash whimpered, "Are you gonna call me beach ball when I can no longer see my feet?"

"No, I'll call you Jupiter," I chuckled, "It's the biggest planet in our solar system." I couldn't help the laugh that fell from my throat when she gasped and punched my arm again and again, weakened by her own laughter.

"You asshole!" Sash smiled, giggling again. I took her punches, now that they didn't hurt, and even enjoyed them. I couldn't remember the last time she had laughed like this with me and I couldn't remember the last time I laughed like this with anybody, especially with her. It felt like everything was good.

"Okay, okay!" I surrendered, still laughing as I turned to grab her flying fists. I locked my hands around each of her wrists and she laughed lightly as I caught her eyes. My laughter had passed the moment the pulse in her wrists glided against my finger tips. I couldn't help myself as she finally calmed and saw my expression.

"Justin..." Sash breathed, my eyes glancing down her throat to watch it tremble with her voice. My eyes then rested where my hands wrapped around her wrists. I slowly lifted one wrist to my mouth, kissing along the lightly visible blue of her veins. She took a shaky breath as my nose skimmed along her arm, taking in the smell of her soft skin. A sweet and floral perfume that I could distinguish in any array of feminine scents. It was purely Sash and I missed it so much.

"Stop," Sash stated firmly, becoming stiff beneath my hold. I closed my eyes, hesitant to let go. "Justin...please." Her voice sounded so pained as she pleaded for her release. Damn, I remembered when she was only pained because she wanted me closer. Now she couldn't wait to have me off of her. My heart was breaking all over again. I didn't want this. I didn't want to let her go, but I kissed the crook of her elbow before pulling away.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, and I was, but not for this moment. I was sorry for all the wrong I had done. My eyes fought to catch hers, but she was too busy sitting back in her seat and clipping on her seatbelt. "Sash -"

"Just take me home," she said softly, looking out of the window once she settled. I shook my head at myself, mentally kicking my ass. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Okay," I mumbled, sitting back in my seat as well. I clipped on my seatbelt and put the car in drive, turning out of the parking spot without much focus on the road. My stomach was twisting into itself from the feeling of rejection, regret, and remorse. Now I just wanted to get her home so I could crawl into my hole and disappear.