I was sitting Indian style on the hardwood floor of our bag and box filled nursery. Justin was making funny faces at the screw he was twisting in, attempting to put our baby's crib together. I was tempted to ask why he didn't just get one that was fully assembled, but I felt like he'd take that as a jab to his manhood. The last thing I wanted to do was offend Justin. We were walking on eggshells around one another; despite the fact that we were both sitting here together like it was nothing. I, for one, felt the awkwardness as he asked me for each new piece after attaching a previous one. He was moving quickly like he couldn't wait to get it over and done with. I didn't blame him, I wasn't that much fun to be around. My emotions were so hot and cold with him. I thought about it and I couldn't deny it, but I wasn't going to apologize for it either. It wasn't my fault that he left my mind so conflicted. My heart and head were battling it out with my libido caught in the crossfire.

"Okay, so that was H and J...Where's D?" Justin picked up the manual from the floor by my foot and looked at all the pieces of the crib we had laid out against the floor for better viewing.

"That's D," I said, pointing to a metal flap on the floor. Justin compared the manual sketch to the actual piece as I rolled my eyes, "I'm not blind, Justin. I may not know where it goes, but I do know what it looks like."

"I know, I know," he rattled off, "I'm just checking for myself." He grabbed the flap, which apparently was supposed to go on before the screw. He blew out frustrated air from his lips and scowled at the screw as he twisted it back out.

"Speaking of checking," I suddenly remembered, "I set up my next appointment. I'm far enough to know the sex of our little bean."

"I thought that expression made no sense," Justin playfully chided, glancing at me from the corner of his eye before finally removing the screw. "Fucker..." he mumbled to the inanimate object as I smirked momentarily.

"Anyway," I continued, pretending not to hear him, "I can finally prove you and my mother wrong."

"Or you could prove us right," Justin suggested confidently, "Which you will because we're having a girl."

"Why can't you just accept the fact that our little bundle of joy is as testosterone driven and knuckle-headed as his father?" I asked, picking up an 'L' shaped metal piece that didn't look like it belonged anywhere on the crib.

"Because our baby is as estrogen filled and hard-headed as her mother," he shot back, "Pass me that screw." I reached by my side, putting down the unidentified 'L' before grabbing two different sized screws.

"Long or short?" I asked.

"Long," Justin said, reaching out as I dropped it into his hand, careful not to touch his palm, and put back the short screw, "When's the appointment?"

"Tomorrow," I mumbled shamefully. Justin looked at me with an annoyed expression.

"And you tell me now?" I shrugged. I didn't want to call him before he talked to me first. I didn't get the appointment until after our awkward kitchen talk last week, so I was a little nervous about bothering him with it. It was too awkward for me to have to deal with Justin. If he hadn't called last night and asked if he could put the crib together, I'd still be sitting in this room, staring at the unopened box.

"Sorry," I said quickly, "She squeezed me in."

"What time is the appointment?" Justin asked, finally attaching the flap and the screw properly.

"Why?" I asked lightly, "Got somewhere to be?"

"Maybe," he said nonchalantly, "I'm meeting someone for lunch tomorrow. I need to know if I should cancel." My interest peeked and my stomach knotted. Justin didn't bother turning around to look at me, but I could see him fighting a small smile. Asshole.

Who the hell was someone? I wanted to know. After all that shit he gave me for taking a damn number and he's making lunch dates. The nerve of that hypocrite. Then again, I had gone on a long spew about letting go and moving on and not having any rights to each other... Or did I just specifically say he had no hold on me? I can't remember my exact words, but it didn't matter. One minute he claims it's all about me and next he's having a lunch...date.

"Don't," I mumbled, sounding angrier than intended, "I can go by myself. I won't ruin your lunch." Justin stopped his cranking in a new screw long enough to look me over with a disbelieving furrowing of his brows, yet amused glimmer in his bright blue eyes.

"Are you mad?" he asked, a small smirk forming on his stupid face.

"Why would I be mad?" I asked, feigning innocence as I turned away from him. He had already caught my eyes and I'm sure they were screaming 'jealous rage', but his boisterous laugh had only caused deeper embarrassment and annoyance.

"Because I have a hot lunch date and you're insanely jealous." I scoffed and tried to look him in the eye, but settled on the tip of his nose so I could pretend I was staring him in the eyes.

"I am not jealous of your 'hot' date," I shrugged, "I may have one myself." Justin's cocky little face flattered and I felt triumphant.

"You been talking to that Dan guy?" he mumbled, suddenly more interested in building the crib again as his rigid form angrier snatched up the manual he had tossed to his side.

"It's Damon," I corrected, "And why do you want to know? Are you 'insanely jealous'?" He rolled his eyes and I laughed out loud. He apparently wasn't a fan of mockery.

"You really think you're funny, don't you?" he asked and I shrugged.

"I've always thought comedy would be plan B in case nursing didn't work out."

"Well, it's a good thing nursing did work," he mumbled, "'Cause I don't think you're funny at all."

"At least I'm not funny looking," I childishly joked back. Justin gasped dramatically and turned to face me.

"That's not right," he pouted, fighting off a small smile, "Now what if our baby looks just like me? Are you gonna tell them that?"

"No, but they'll be forced to wear a paper bag over their head until they move out," I chuckled as Justin did the same.

"We're horrible parents for joking about this," he said, leaning back on his arms and cracking his neck with a slow rotation of his head. I watched as he closed his eyes at the sensation, catching the sound of his pleased sigh just as it slid past his slightly parted lips...

I looked away and tried to clear my mind. He was just cracking his neck, for Pete's sake. I was turning into a teenage boy with all my warped fantasies. "That's so weird," I voiced and Justin faced me with an inquisitive expression. "Being a parent, I mean. Somebody's gonna be calling me 'Mommy'."

"But it's exciting," Justin countered, "I mean, this kid is a gift. We could be molding the next Einstein."

"Or the next McNabb," I said dreamily.

"Or the next MVP for the Lakers," Justin chimed in just as dreamily. "The possibilities are endless."

"If we do this right," I sighed, "That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to mess up."

"You won't," Justin assured. I was staring at my feet because I knew he was staring at me. "Sash, you're going to be an amazing mother. You're so loving and selfless. Your heart is good and your head is on straight -" I snorted a tired laugh. Justin made me out to be so perfect that I almost believed I was half of what he was telling me.

"I wouldn't give myself that much credit," I argued.

"No, you wouldn't," Justin agreed, "But you really should." I rolled my eyes because that was my reaction to just about everything Justin. He annoyed me with his presence and his staring and his compliments, which were endless the moment he saw I was insecure about something. I knew he meant well, but I just wanted an honest moment. I wanted him to just tell me he was scared too and that we could fuck up and still be okay. He made it sound like it was so easy. Like we had it made, but we didn't even have each other. How was I going to raise this kid with a man I couldn't think straight around?

"What are you thinking?" Justin asked a moment later and I realized I was staring off into space at the floor where the screws were lined up on the floor. I blinked and turned to look at him. Justin gave me a soft smile, but curious eyes. There were some concern there too, but I just shrugged it all off.

"Nothing," I answered, "I'm a little hungry. I'll be right back." I struggled to stand for a bit and Justin instinctively held his arms out to catch me as I tried to straighten up. I slapped his hands, slightly embarrassed and insulted.

"Okay, okay," he complained, scoffing at my defiance.

"Damn, Justin," I complained, "My legs and ass are just a little numb from sitting. I can get up without assistance." Justin groaned as he stood up as well.

"Sorry, I was just trying -" His sentence cut short just as I stretched my arms high above my head and stood on my tiptoes. I sighed in relief as my muscles relaxed and bones cracked. I stretched a little longer before I noticed what he was staring at. My shirt had hiked up in the process and my round little baby bump was revealed. I went to pull my shirt down when he looked away shyly.

"I can't believe I'm actually getting this chance again," he said softly, "It's hard to believe it's real..." My hands rested on my stomach and I glanced down at his hands. My tummy seemed to warm at the idea floating in my head, so I reached out for him.

He hesitantly offered both his hands to my extended ones. I wrapped my hands around his wrists and guided them to rest on my belly. I was shaking at little from the feel of his pulse on my fingertips, but relaxed once I let him go.

His hands were so warm that I felt them through my t-shirt. I closed my eyes for a moment as he gently rubbed tiny circles over my belly. My shirt shifted uncomfortably, so I pulled it up again. Justin's hands slowly took their spot back against my stomach. My breathing hitched from the skin on skin contact. An electric bolt shot up my spine. He caressed my skin softly and I closed my eyes again. I had to. It felt so nice to have a warming hand on my warming belly. I swear my baby was doing cartwheels, or maybe I was just making up an excuse for him to keep touching me.

"You don't have to be insanely jealous," Justin said softly, smiling to himself, "I was having lunch with a guy named Pete. He's a new producer Tim introduced me to." I nodded, still engrossed in his belly massage.

"Still no Damon," I said softly back and his fingertips tensed against my skin before flexing back into a relaxed mode.

"Good," Justin said simply, obviously relieved. So relieved that I felt relieved too. As much as it drove me insane, Justin's jealousy gave me a small sense of confidence. I wanted to get over him, but a small part of me wanted him to want me still. It was a sick and twisted mindset I was in. I wanted to let go without ever losing him. How the hell did that work?

"Good," I mumbled back. We were swaying gently to an imaginary beat. The silence in the room wasn't deafening at all. It was one of the most comfortable silences Justin and I have had since everything had happened. It felt so normal here...just gracefully moving and closing my eyes.

It wasn't until Justin rested his head against my forehead that I realized we were standing so close together. His shirt brushed my bare belly and my eyes slowly opened. I was eye to chest with him. I felt a wave of nervousness and exhilaration flush through my veins as I lifted my head. The stubble on his jaw grazed my cheek's skin. I closed my eyes from the feel of his warmth.

"I love you," he whispered to me, almost like he didn't want me to hear it, but his lips were closest to my ear. There was heaviness in my chest at the sound because I knew he meant it and it hurt to know that in this moment it meant everything. To be loved was a gift I had to cherish, especially when it came from him. I was incapable of denying myself the delight that came with his honest words. I was content with his hands on my belly and us close together. It felt safe and warm and he smelled so good that I was almost falling asleep. My hands slowly ran along the length of his arms, the biceps and triceps and the curve of his elbow. I could feel his thumb move gently against my belly button. I smirked a little when it tickled.

And we kept swaying. We kept holding onto each other in this silence. I felt so scared to be here, but I couldn't tear myself way. Justin's hands were large and soft against my skin, but they were trembling as he delicately traced along its curves. I leant back a little and our noses brushed momentarily. Justin was breathing a little heavier than he should. His lips were parted slightly as he continued to stare down at my belly with a wondrous expression before finally raising his sight to mine.

His eyes were paler in this light and in our closeness, but they were beautiful still. They held so many emotions. Many I wanted to return, others I couldn't decipher. I never got the whole eyes being the 'windows to the soul' thing until now. I really saw everything he ever wanted to say to me dancing around in his iris. I wondered if he saw the same embarrassing emotions I was feeling. I wondered if he saw I wasn't tough at all when it came to him and anything mean I ever said or did took everything in me to do.

If I weren’t so busy wondering, I would've seen it coming. I would've seen what was right on the surface of his emotions, but instead I was stunned to find his lips on top of mine. It happened so fast that my lips mashed against my teeth before he massaged them into place with his own. My first reaction was to push away, but my loneliness consumed the situation. I felt so full in that moment. I was in a place - a happy place - that I felt was natural. The pressure in my chest deflated, as he pressed against my mouth in a desperate attempt to keep me held.

But I wasn't even fighting. I was so tired of fighting that I just fell into step with his moving lips. He sighed in content, both relieved and surprised. I could taste the syrup from his breakfast and I could feel his arms flex as I gripped the firm muscle beneath his tender skin. We moaned softly as we pressed closer together and his hands abandoned my stomach to rest on my neck and the small of my back.

And then I woke up. My baby was cold from the lack of hands on my belly. The same baby created on the last day we made love. The last day we made love because we broke up. We broke up because he fucked someone else...

My eyes shot open and my hands released his arm and hip to rest against his chest. I felt his heart thumping erratically beneath my palm and I hesitated, thinking that I did that to him. I made his heart beat faster. I wanted to keep that power, but then I thought of how hard his heart was beating when she was laying underneath him and how he didn't stop to think of me. I closed my eyes to push out the image as I shoved him back.

His flushed face and swollen lips were the only things I saw before my tears blurred my vision and I turned and stumbled off to my bedroom, slamming the door shut as I wiped my lips. I heard him call my name and I locked the door just before he attempted to turn the knob.

"Sash, please," he begged through the wooden barrier, "I'm sorry...I shouldn't...I shouldn't have kissed you...I-I didn't mean to mean to be so forward." He sighed and knocked and knocked again. "Sash, don't shut me out." I covered my face with my hands as I tried to choke down my sobs. I couldn't get them out of my head. My heart breaking was on repeat and I was hurting all over again.

I wanted to slap myself for kissing him. "Just go," I weakly demanded, ashamed and humiliated. "We can finish the crib later."

"I'm not worried about a fucking crib," he snapped, "Sash, come on! Open up!" He tried the door again, groaning in frustration as he banged and banged. I ignored him and he continued for a minute or two before sighing. "Sash, please..." I placed my hands over my ears like a stubborn child. I couldn't hear him beg like that. All I wanted to do was open up that door and just tell him I couldn't fight anymore. That I loved him. That I needed him.

"Justin, just get the fuck out of my house!" I shouted from nowhere, whimpering right after the words left my mouth, but I had to compose myself. "Just leave! I don't want to deal with you right now."

"Is that what you really want?" he asked calmly. "Do you really want me to go?" I took a deep breath and shook my head no.

"Yes," I voiced steadily, "I want you to go." There was silence on his side as I rolled my eyes to myself. I had slipped so easily.

"Okay," Justin said a minute later, "I'll go." I exhaled slowly and listened closely for his footsteps. They came a moment later as he jogged down the stairs. There was shuffling and then my front door opened and shut. I sat on the edge of my bed and listened as his truck's engine revved and his tires skated away, signifying I was alone.

I didn't feel the relaxation I was hoping to feel once he had gone. If anything, my emotions were spilling out like crazy now that he wasn't here. I didn't need to cover them up, so I let out the sob in my throat and lay back against my sheets. I cried into my pillow until I rolled over and saw the sun had set and realized I had dozed off.

I checked the clock by my bedside table and it half past nine. I sniffled and sat up, my eyes adjusting to the dark accordingly. I stumbled when I stood in my freshly woken tiredness. I sighed when I unlocked my bedroom door, remembering why it was locked before Bob's shadowy figure sprinted past me to impatient rest on the edge of my bed. I had forgotten all about him, I realized, as I stepped further out into the hall. He must've been waiting outside my door for most of the night, wondering why I hadn't let him in when I was clearly asleep.

I shook my head and sighed as I trailed up the hall towards the bathroom. Bob was just like Justin, scratching outside my bedroom door, begging to be let in.

I hit the light once I reached my destination. I barely made it to the toilet before I flushed out my bladder, which was aching from withholding release. I relaxed once I was finished and washed my hands and face. I made my way back out, hitting the light again before I turned out into the dark hall. I tried to ignore the nursery, but I took a step back to peak inside the open door. I hit the light and looked at the half finished crib and the forgotten manual. The neatly lined screws were still in place despite our mindless swaying and I was overwhelmed by the sight Justin and I must've been. The image of us in my head, wrapped up in one another like it was nobody's business. I hit the lights and walked back to my bedroom, no longer feeling sad, but definitely feeling stupid.

I crawled into bed and tried to get an empty head, but it was pointless. Tonight would just be a long night.

-------------------------------------------------------

I was sipping on apple juice I had picked up on my way to Marissa's private office. Despite the Justin fiasco, I was still excited about finding out the baby's sex. My mother had called this morning to remind me to tell her so she could pick out the right colors for my baby shower. She also called to ask where Justin was and when I told her wasn't coming; she almost shit a brick through the phone, preaching about him bailing out. I eventually got her off the line in time to make it into the office without her howling voice coming through my cell phone.

Marissa's private practice facility was cozy and the waiting room was full of sofas and lounge chairs. Its size made it more of a house than a doctor's office, which was fine by me. I was never a fan of the way hospitals looked, despite my occupation. I understood why people felt uncomfortable because things were so medical. Here there were framed photos on the walls of women and babies and women holding their babies. Everybody looked so happy and it made me squeal a little on the inside with the possibility of one day holding that happiness in my hands.

I was smiling when I signed in with the nurse at the front desk and she asked that I take a seat until Marissa called me out back. After a thank you and grabbing a mint from the candy dish on her desk, I turned to find an empty spot in the room. Instead I found a heart attack in the form of Justin Timberlake.

I gasped a little, but tried to compose my face as he shifted uncomfortably across the room. His sunglasses and baseball cap might've been enough to fool the others, but I saw him. I recognized that stature and the fact that he was looking up in my direction before turning away once I spotted him also gave me a clue. I was headed for an empty seat in the far corner, but decided against it. He was obviously here for the appointment and it would probably look weird for him to follow me into the examination room with us so far apart in waiting.

I swooped up a magazine from the center coffee table before sitting down in the seat next to him. I cleared my throat as to disrupt him. He was pretending to be into a Forbes magazine article. "How did you find this place?" I whispered, "I never even told you the time of the appointment."

"You never did get the chance, did you?" he asked sarcastically, "Since we were so.... preoccupied."

"Don't be an ass," I whispered harshly, flipping open my Cosmo magazine, "I'm serious. I hope you weren't stalking me." He snorted a laugh.

"Sash, don't flatter yourself," he told me softly, "I have my sources. I don't have to reduce down to stalking you."

"No, but you have to reduce down to speaking to Claire, huh?" I figured and he smacked his lips.

"Did she tell you?" he asked, disappointed like a five year old. I smiled to myself.

"No, but you just confirmed my suspicions," I said, feeling victorious.

"You tricked me," he grumbled.

"You walked right into that," I argued, "But whatever... I'm glad you're here."

"Are you?" he asked, "Because you never called or even texted to let me know where to go and at what time. Plus you didn't seem too pleased to see me when you turned around."

"I wasn't displeased, I was surprised," I clarified, "And you know why I didn't call..." I trailed off, feeling a knot in my stomach.

"Actually, I don't," he told me, "I thought this wasn't about us, it was all about the baby."

"It is," I said.

"Then if something happens between us, it doesn't affect the baby stuff, right?" he asked, "That's what you've been telling me all along."

"Well, stuff isn't suppose to happen, so when it does, things get more complicated," I complained, "Yesterday was very...unexpected and I didn't know how to just call and say 'hey, the appointment's at blah, blah, blah, like nothing happened."

"You could've texted it," he pointed out, "A text doesn't hurt."

"Depends on who you're texting," I mumbled, but Justin's deep sigh indicated that he heard me.

"Maybe..." he started, but cut himself short. "Never mind."

"No, say it," I encouraged; staring blankly at the Cosmo article I couldn't even begin to read.

"Maybe... maybe we can't...do this," Justin whispered gently, turning in his seat to face me. He took the magazine from my hand, and I was forced to look up at his face. I hated not seeing his eyes, but I looked up anyway.

"Do what?" I asked back, seeing only my reflection in his lenses. He shrugged.

"I thought we were mature enough to handle us and the baby at the same time, but we're not," he said, glancing around the room to make sure we had no specters. "Maybe we should do the baby stuff separate and come together in the end."

"What do you mean by 'separate'?" I asked, feeling a part of me recoil from the situation.

"I mean, I'm going to LA this weekend and I'll do a lot of baby shopping there. I have to create some kind of room for our baby in my house too. My mother wants to help out with your baby shower and whatnot, so she's coming back with me... Maybe you guys can do a lot of the shopping and baby things together. I'll just come for appointments. And I'll hire some guys to do the nursery."

"I want to do the nursery," I argued briefly, "I thought we were going to do the mobile and things like that."

"We are," Justin assured, "My mom can join us for that." I rolled my eyes.

"Is she our referee now?" I scoffed, "Justin, we slipped up once... All this isn't called for."

"Yeah, but I want to slip up again, Sash," he admitted, "I want to slip up all the time and that was almost too easy for the both of us, especially you and that's not fair. It hurts that we're not together anymore, but I think it sucks more because we want to be, but we can't...Not right now, anyway... I don't want you crying every time something happens. I can't keep hurting you like that."

"I was crying because I was angry at myself," I said, feeling guilty that he felt guilty, "There were two people in that room, Justin."

"Yes, but I was the one who started it,' he said shamefully, "Why are you fighting me on this? I thought you'd be happy about this."

"I am," I lied, sitting up straighter, "I just don't want you to feel like you're a burden or something. I know how much the baby stuff means to you and I don't want you missing out."

"I won't be," he said, "My mother will give me every last detail, I'll still be around... It won't be as much fun without you criticizing every last pink item I pick up, but I'll survive." He gave me a small smile and I shrugged him off, grabbing my magazine from the empty seat he tossed it on.

"Whatever you want to do, Justin," I said nonchalantly, "As long as you're here for the delivery of this family sized package, I'm fine."

"I wouldn't miss that," he said certainty, "I'll have the tape rolling." I wrinkled my nose.

"You can keep that footage to yourself," I told him, "Child birth isn't cute until the baby is in its mother's arms."

"Sasheirah!" Marissa's booming voice called. I looked up and stood when I spotted her at the side door beside the sign in desk. She smiled when she spotted Justin following me towards her. She asked how we were both doing and Justin introduced himself as we rounded a corner to our room. I already knew the routine, so I propped myself up on the examination table. Justin stood at my side.

"Are you both excited to find out?" Marissa beamed, setting up her sonogram machine.

"Very excited," Justin answered for us both.

"Good, it'll take just a second," Marissa said, pushing up my shirt once she settled into her stool. Her squeezed some of the protecting gel on my belly and I shivered because it was cold. "Time is flying. You're already three months." She seemed more excited than Justin and I combined.

"I know," I said, a bit relieved, "I can't wait."

"Neither can I," Justin chimed in, smiling brightly.

"Well, in due time you'll have your bundle of joy in your arms," Marissa sighed, "Now, lets get started." The machine hummed when she gentle placed the handle to my belly, skimming over my skin and spreading the gel. She adjusted some settings before I could clearly see our baby on the scream. Justin had stepped closer and when I looked up, he was engrossed into the screen like it was a five star movie.

"There goes the head," Marissa said, pointing. The head was definitely Justin's melon top.

"Well, I see what the baby got from you," I joked, making Marissa laugh and Justin turn a shade of pink.

"Yeah, but you remember where that head is coming out of," he shot back playfully. I groaned, Marissa cackled and Justin laughed at his own horrible joke.

"Oh, and fingers and toes," Marissa said, pointing, "Look at the little nose right there..."

"So beautiful..." I mumbled to myself.

"Yeah..." Justin agreed dreamily.

"And now if we go a little lower," Marissa said, rolling the handle over my belly to better her view. "We can see some tummy."

"Can we see what's below the tummy?" I asked jokingly. Marissa laughed at my impatience and Justin leant forward, barely containing his excitement to finally know.

"Are you ready?" Marissa asked, beaming at us both as we nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes!" I squeaked.

"Please?" Justin pleaded. The anticipation was almost too much and we were both on the edge of our seats.