Whether or not I wanted a future with Justin was a lot to fucking sleep on. A large part of me was hella pissed that he had made such an ultimatum... But a smaller, feebler minded punk ass side of me thought he was right for putting his foot down and forcing me to answer questions I avoided through words and actions: Did I want a future with him? Could I forgive him and move on? Did I want a family life with him or was the divorce-like home life what I wanted to give my baby girl?

Those were fair questions that were unfairly left unanswered, however were understandably difficult to answer. I mean, I don't get me wrong, if the question was whether or not I loved him, that could be answered with minor hesitation - yes, of course I love him, but love wasn't always enough. I knew that better than anyone. My mother loved my father, but he's not around. I love my mother, but I can't be with her for more than twenty minutes without her irritating my soul. Hell, I even loved myself and even I got on my own damn nerves, especially now that I had all these Justin issues.

I wish I were single again. I didn't fight with myself this much. Bob wasn't smothered by my excessive affection and drama.... I wasn't pregnant with a child I was terrified of raising because I couldn't even be enough of a woman to deal with Justin after a stupid phone call from some random hooker... I wasted an entire month when I had so much baby stuff to get off my list... That included a half-ass nursery, doctor visits, a baby shower, and shopping - lots and lots of shopping.

I thought about all that shit and I barely slept, which worried me further for the baby. I was exhausted, emotionally drained, but decided. He wanted his damn answer, so I was going to give him one today. See, my decision took all night to make, but now that it's done, the waiting to say it was the most torturous part. I didn't want to over think on how I'd break things down to him... That would just make me re-think my decision, which would not be good. I'm pushing all of it out of my head until he gets here, which is any minute now.

I was having OCD overload in the meantime. Suddenly every place mat, paper towel roll, and dish was out of place in the kitchen. I re-fluffed the pillows on the sofa a million times. I was rubbing my belly three times clockwise and twice counter-clockwise before I feared the motion would make Sash Junior dizzy and stopped. After I Swifered the hardwood and kitchen floors, I sat on the couch and watched a re-run of Wendy William's show. The show had Jimmy Fallon on it, doing his best 'How you doin'?' Wendy impression. I smirked at the screen, never quite understanding the catch phrase before my doorbell sounded and a knock followed part way through.

I felt a jolt up my chest. Only Justin would be that anxious, I thought, as I turned off the television and slowly rose from the couch. My oversized, off shoulder top was a burnt orange that Justin once said looked good on my skin. The black tights I wore were starting to feel like the only things that got over my belly, and the beaded black sandals I wore were decorated with bronze, orange, and brown stones. I don't know why I dressed at all. It wouldn't make a difference, I thought, as I touched the doorknob and reached for the lock and latch, quickly undoing them.

The door squeaked a little as I slowly pulled it open, revealing Justin on the other side. I caught his quick scan of my body and I involuntarily trembled beneath his gaze before I took him in as well. His white and blue Jordans adorned his feet, black skinnies hugged against his knobby knees, and the electric blue t-shirt he wore was plain, but pocketed, and matched his Jordan's perfectly. Not only did it match, but when I reached his soft face, lined with stubble, his eyes popped with blue, even behind his dark framed glasses. He smirked uncomfortably and I realized I had taken him in a moment too long to deny it.

"Hey..." I mumbled to his Jordans, dropping my gaze in a fit of shyness.

"Hi..." he mumbled too. I backed from the doorway and gestured toward the living room, looking up as he moved inside. I locked the door behind him, taking a deep breath before turning around to face him. I needed to calm down; it was only Justin, I thought. I couldn't help but smile a bit when I finally laid my eyes on him. Of course he was too preoccupied with Bob to notice, rubbing him down and making him purr. I was beginning to think Bob was gay and had a thing for Justin, who was apparently so charming that he seduced males outside his own species.

"You hungry?" I asked, reverting back to the hostess role that didn't require any emotion. I felt a swelling in my chest. I just wanted to blurt it out and get it over with.

"Nah... I can't really think about eating right now," Justin answered with a nervous laugh as he stood up straight, rubbing fur from his hands. "To be honest, I'm so anxious I'm afraid I'll puke." I wrinkled my nose instinctively. Even Justin Timberlake couldn't make vomiting sexy.

"That's a lovely visual," I joked and he blushed, shrugging and taking a seat on my sofa. I watched as he thoughtfully ran his hand along the empty cushion beside him like he was going to miss it or like he hadn't seen it in a while. I frowned, feeling guilty for either thought.

"I found out who that girl was," Justin said suddenly, snapping me back into the present. My stomach tightened and I felt stupid all over again.

"That's not important," I said, not wanting to go back to the source of my embarrassing behavior.

"It was important enough for a month of silence," he reminded me anyway, further embarrassing me, "Her name is Janelle...We had a...thing, for lack of a better word. I haven't spoken to her since I started dating Jessica, so she was the last person on my mind when you brought up the whole voicemail thing... Of course, I asked Rachel who it could've been and she admitted she gave Janelle my new number to help 'cheer me up' since I've been so down lately. I told her she made things worst and gave her a thorough speech on why she needs to mind her own damn business, so it's safe to say that will never happen again."

I felt even stupider because he spent twenty-four hours trying to find some mystery chick. I even felt bad for Rachel. Despite the fact that she hated my guts, I managed to not let that feeling be mutual. She had the best intentions for Justin and I couldn't hold it against her for caring. "I really wish you didn't bother with doing all that. It was none of my business and Rach was just trying-"

"You don't have to apologize, Sash," Justin interrupted, turning his vision from the sofa to me. His eyes were fierce with sincerity. "I would've probably done the same thing... Minus the avoiding you for a month reaction. I tend to run towards confrontation whereas you run away from it, hence the whole Damon thing... Sorry about that, by the way."

"It's okay..." I mumbled, looking at my hands bashfully. "We're so different, but the same. We're both crazy, that's for sure." I laughed, as did he, but I was really starting to believe we've both lost our minds the moment we decided to fall in love.

"I can't argue with that," Justin said, his beautiful smile softening, "But I wouldn't change it, Sash. I wouldn't change a thing about all our crazy because I've never been more certain about where I want to be and who I need." I bit my bottom lip as I felt my heart crumbling, unable to withstand the sweetness of his words. I imagined my heart grew arms and was reaching for a hug, a tender embrace... I couldn't explain the need and the urgency.

"I didn't think about this answer... I mean, I thought, about it, but not how to say it..." I started before I realized what I was doing.

"That's okay, just say it," Justin said, searching my eyes for what I was feeling, but I was too twisted in my own head, so I was impossible to read. The glimmer in his eyes seemed to darken, like he saw my hesitation written all over my face. "It's okay, Sash... I can take whatever you have to say."

"I don't trust you, Justin," I said, my heart feeling heavy, "I don't believe you're really at Borders or Starbucks when you say you are... To be frank, watching you talk to your fans when we go out makes me nervous now... I don't know what I'd do if you promised to call at 9 and ended up calling at 9:01... And that's the worst part because before all this, I could trust how you felt about me. I could trust that you loved me completely, even when I tried to make myself doubt it, I knew...But now... Now I don't know what's okay anymore. Sometimes I feel like you're only trying to get me back and that's why you're trying so hard, and if I do take you back, you'll treat me like shit...and I'll be kicking myself for the rest of my life..."

"Sash, this is not an act -" Justin began, leaning forward in his seat with an earnest desperation.

"That's just...part of me," I interrupted, his voice being too much of a distraction from my train of thought, "Another side of me knows that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. That same side knows that I love you more than I'd like to admit and that same side knows...that same side knows that I...actually...need you..." The words fell from my lips like molasses, slow and thick. I swallowed spit to coat my drying throat. I felt naked as his eyes seemed to widen in wonder.

"With that being said," I continued, hugging myself and looking away from his gaze because I felt myself recoiling from the vulnerability, "I'm telling you that I've never forgiven anybody who has hurt me and I'm also telling you that you've cut me deeper than anybody else that I've known because I opened myself up and..." I felt myself swallowing my words as a whimper caught in my throat. My eyes tingled as I glanced up at my ceiling, asking God to stop my damn tears, but I was so hurt still. I was so bottled up with my pain that I didn't know what to do with it now.

"I'm so sorry, Sash," Justin apologized, sounding as wounded as I felt. I looked back over at him and he was staring at the floor, shaking his head. I didn't realize what was happening until a wet spot appeared on the floor beneath him. For a moment I was confused before I realized his tears were falling. My feet reacted a lot quicker than my brain and I found myself beside him, his head on my shoulder as I sat up sideways.

I felt his breath against my neck as he sobbed his oversized shoulders harder to hug at this awkward angle. His tall frame curved to rest against me and the vibrations of his body as he sobbed was felt all around me as I stroked the base of his neck. I felt the stinging of my own tears and my heart was breaking from the sight of him.

"I know...I know I told you to choose, Sash; I know I told you to choose, but..." Justin stammered out on the verge of hysterics. He hugged me to him, nearly breaking my back in his grip. He rubbed his wet face in my neck and shoulder, breathing unevenly. My whole body ignited at his embrace and I nearly stopped breathing when his lips grazed my ear. "I cannot lose you, Sash. I can take it...I can take all the nonsense as long as you're around. I don't want you out of my life, please..."

I closed my eyes as I listened to his words. He was truly begging me to stay with him. He was crying and soaking my shoulder in tears. He was hugging me like he was clinging to dear life. He was so certain I'd leave...

"You sure about that?" I asked softly, feeling him nod against my shoulder as he sniffled a bit.

"I'm so sure," he promised, "I love you, Sasheirah...I love you so much..." I took the best deep breath that I could with him hugging me so tight and it came out sort of shaky. Hearing him say he loved me felt like the first time every time. I couldn't believe my ears and my heart couldn't stop pounding in my chest and breaking at the same time.

"I love you too..." I whispered, curving my head to rest my lips against his ear. I felt him tremble and sigh. "I love you and I want that to be enough..." My tears reached their brink and were streaking down my cheeks in liquid warmth.

"It is enough," he whimpered, holding me tighter, if that were possible. "Sash, it's more than enough."

"It wasn't enough to keep you from cheating," I whispered, my voice cracking because the memory still hurt. The thought of him all over her still hurt. "I cannot get over that part...Didn't you think about me? And why her? Of all the women in the world..."

"I was thinking about you the whole time," Justin said, pulling away from me enough to see my tear stained face. His cheeks were blotchy with red and his eyes were puffy and wet. I probably looked just as horrible. "I know it's hard to believe, but I wasn't thinking about Jessica; I was just...fucking. I know that sounds horrible, but that's what it was. Mindless sex... and escape from what I thought was the reality of losing you...But it was stupid...Inexcusable even..." I closed my eyes, hating the way her name fell from his lips, hating the images of sex in my head...

"The idea of you with somebody else makes me want to blow up the entire world," I voiced, knowing I sounded crazy, but not caring.

"You don't think I want to light Damon up with some gasoline and matches?" Justin said, making me roll my eyes. He was such an idiot if he thought I actually had sex with him. I didn't even want to see myself naked at this point, let alone show my body to somebody else.

"You're dumber than I thought, Timberlake," I sighed, "Do you honestly think I slept with Damon?"

"That's what you said," he argued meekly. Maybe I was better at lying than I thought.

"I was just trying to get under your skin," I admitted, "I thought you were sleeping with some random chick. How else was I supposed to make you suffer?" I couldn't help but smirk when he stared at me, looking all types of betrayed.

"I cannot believe..." he said before pausing, "Actually...I can. That sounds exactly like you." I shrugged, unable to argue.

"I don't want that to be me," I said, "I want to be able to tell you straight up that I don't ever want you to be with anybody else, but that's not fair."

"You don't even have to ask, Sash," he assured, brushing along the side of my jaw with the back of his hand. My skin warmed beneath his touch and a chill shot through me from his words.

"Everything...everything feels...good...with you..." I stammered out, reaching up to remove his hand from my jaw reluctantly, but it was distracting me. I held onto it though, my fingers gently tracing the patterned lines of his palm. I used to know the names of these lines from fake palm reading games...The life line, the money line, the love line... I couldn't tell which was which, but a part of me wanted to really know what was in his future.

"You know I feel the same about you," Justin cooed, placing his free hand over mine resting in his palm. The warmth of him all around brought tears to my eyes. It was weird to feel so much happiness and so much pain at the same time. They didn't even cancel each other out; one just intensified the other.

I turned my vision from my encapsulated hand and rested it on my lap...Well, more so my belly. My bump was round enough to start blocking my view. I stared at it, amazed that something was actually growing in me...that Justin and I created...

"We're having a baby," I announced, stating the obvious. Suddenly Justin's hand was on my belly, giving it a light caress over my orange top. Even through the fabric, I could feel the warmth.

"I've taken notice," he chuckled, "She's gonna be beautiful..."

"She's already beautiful," I argued, imaging a baby in a fetal position, resting in my womb. She didn't look much different from the ones I've seen in too many textbooks, but in my mind, she was mine and that made her so much more.

"I can't argue with that," Justin said softly. There was a silence. His hand returned to sandwich my hand still resting in his palm. My free hand rested on my belly and I looked up at him, my face tight with drying, salty tears. Justin was already looking at me, his eyes bright and innocent. He looked like he would burst at any moment and I knew he was waiting for a definite answer.

I swallowed down; my throat was getting dry again. Just say it, Sash! Just say it! Damn it, it was so much easier in my head when I was alone, imagining him there, but with him here, staring down on me like it was life or death...Shit was just too intense. I making or breaking my entire future with an overnight, overdue decision... I could feel the weight of a sleepless night resting on my shoulders.

I looked over his baby face; that innocent softness in his eyes... I wondered if I imagined he had hurt me because that face didn't look like it could hurt anything... But I felt that sharp ripping through my chest and I knew it was real. Behind all that innocence was a man who knew too much. A man who knew me, loved me, betrayed me, deceived me... A man who made me happy, whose child I was carrying, who bought a place across the country just to be closer to me... A millionaire who slept on my couch like it was a five star hotel... Bob loved him, I loved him...he loved me...

It was so surreal. In such a short amount of time, he changed my entire world. Part of me couldn't walk away from that...another part was halfway up the hill, running full speed in the opposite direction. If I choose him, I could wake up one morning, cheated again, feeling stupid because I had a choice and I chose wrong... If I didn't choose him, I'd wake up in the morning and realize I'll probably never be so open again because I could wake up one morning, cheated again, and feeling stupid anyway... Either way, I could end up the fool.

But there was one choice that guaranteed me something...

"Justin," I called and I don't know why, he wasn't the one zoning out. He blinked anyway, moving up closer to me on the couch. Our knees bumped though they were already brushing.

"Ye-yes?" he stammered, grabbing both my hands and squeezing them tightly. He wouldn't let me look down this time. He was searching my eyes and I was stuck on the shades of blue dancing around his pupils to bother looking away.

"With or without you, I could get hurt..." I told him, "I mean... you promised not to do it again, but you technically promised not to do it in the first place, so there's really not guarantee that you won't..."

"I'm telling you right now that I'd rather get castrated than do that to you," he said, making me wince as he laughed. "Yes, I love you that much." I sighed contently because he was dead serious behind his smile.

"As painful as that visual is, I appreciate your earnest words," I said, looking over his face, taking him in. The crooked hook of his nose and the subtle plumpness of his pink cheeks... "However, you only mean that now because nothing has happened yet. We can't predict the future, so who knows what could change your mind... I'm too scared to risk that, Justin...I'm too scared to be heartbroken like that again..." I saw the light fall from his face and his eyes instantly well with tears. He broke away from our eye contact, staring down at my belly or my chest, I wasn't sure.

"Sash, please...do not do this..." he pleaded.

I ignored him and went on. "I'm scared... I'm always too scared...You always pointed that out...I'm too scared to risk getting my heart broken again, but I'm not stupid enough to guarantee my own heartache...Choosing to be with you could lead to me being crushed, devastated, and just completely fucked up...But not choosing you will guarantee that I'd be unable to love for the rest of my life because nobody will compare to you..." Justin's eyes shot up, red and puffy and wet all over again. He sniffled and searched my eyes. For once, I was really open. I even smiled despite myself. I felt like a million pounds were pushed off my shoulders.

"Wait, what?" Justin asked, "Wh-what...does that...I mean..." His incoherence was humorous and I bit my bottom lip to stop from laughing.

"You are getting a second chance," I said more clearly. He blinked a few times and I waited. This was what he wanted and all he could do was stare at me. I felt my doubts creeping up on me. "You better say something before I change my mind." My threat was lined with humor, but before I could blank, I was embraced as tightly as I could be to his chest. My face smashed against his neck as he wrapped his strong arms over my shoulders. The light freshness of his t-shirt brought back memories of Matthew and I realized this was his natural scent. His expensive cologne wasn't masking his natural soapy skin smell and I melted right then and there.

"I fucking love you, Sash," Justin whispered over and over again, "I fucking love you..." It was slightly muffled since my ears were sandwiched between his neck and arms as he tangled me further in his embrace, but I heard him. I heard him so well that I managed to wiggle a bit to turn my head up and kiss the side of his neck sweetly.

"I fucking love you too," I mocked, and he laughed, vibrating all over me before it was swallowed up by a quiet sob in his throat. My eyes were moist instinctively, but I was still confused.

"Why are you crying?" I asked, "I'm starting to question your manhood." What I really wanted to say was 'Please stop crying because I can't spare anymore tears' but I used up my vulnerability quota for the day.

"Sash, you almost gave me a damn heart attack," he explained, squeezing me a little tighter, "I thought you were going to walk away from us."

"You should have a little more faith in me," I said softly, feeling guilty. I guess the buildup was sort of torturous.

"I do, I do..." he sighed, "I know how much I've fucked us up and I would've understood if you decided against us - not that I'm saying that you should've! You made the right choice because you can trust me, Sash. I'll get that back. I'll get us back, I promise." I took in his words, my stomach tightening at the notion of trust, but his fresh scent soothed me. I hugged him to me, not caring if I lost the ability to breathe.

"Enough of the heavy shit," I moaned out softly. My whole body felt like a warm marshmallow squished up against him. My mind was silent and my heart was pounding in my ears with a newfound excitement. "Just hold me..." I felt the warm-wetness of his lips against my forehead as he soothingly rubbed my back in tiny circles. Even Bob knew better than to meow as I tilted my head a bit and pressed my lips to his throat again, feeling the gentle quickness of his pulse. It matched the rhythm of his heart beating against my chest, through the cotton of my top, past the warmth of my skin, right in sync with my own... And, I could swear it, deep in the depth of my womb, Sasheirah Junior smiled.