I had a hard time getting a grip on this reality. If it weren't for the loud hum of her window air conditioner, I would've thought it was a dream. A really long dream, but a dream nonetheless.

Sash was knocked out, a sheet tangled around us because her small room cooled fast with the AC on. She was mumbling something as we spooned, and I hugged her closer, her hand resting over mine gave me a gently squeeze as she sighed. I nuzzled my face into the back of her neck, kissing her warm skin and taking in her sweet scent. Her hair smelled good, even beneath the hair wrap she put on. She used some pink lotion hair stuff before bed, something to 'moisturize' this or that. I wasn't really paying attention. I was fascinated just watching her wrapping up her hair like that before bed. I was intrigued by the way she slipped into the bed beside me in just a tank and pajama shorts, tugging at her tank to cover up her baby bump.

God, she was beautiful and as I bowed my head and kissed along her shoulders, my heart swelled knowing she was mine again. I could wake up to this every moment of forever and there was nothing better to ask for. I still couldn't believe that shit. She actually took me back. She actually wants a future and she didn't sleep with that Damon prick. Oh, he was going to be so sad when he got the news. Although it's been a week and Sash has yet to mention him despite the fact that I have been here every day since she took a chance on us again.

I would never fuck up again because I don't think I'm strong enough to survive another fight experience like that. I missed her too much. She felt too good in my arms. I slept too peacefully here to ever want to go back to sleeping alone.

Don't get me wrong. It wasn't back to normal, but I did get to kiss her in the morning and right before bed. We finished up the crib and we’ll paint this weekend. Things were looking up. We even squeezed in a check up yesterday for Sash junior, who is doing wonderfully. I couldn't be a better state of mind.

"Mmm..." came a tired moan and I smiled against her shoulder, kiss her skin.

"Mornin'," I whispered and she shifted in my arms so that she was facing me, still on her side. She moved slowly, her hand rested on her belly. I smiled softly, seeing how over conscious of the baby she was, even in her sleep.

"What time is it?" Sash mumbled against my neck, her lips tickling my Adam's apple. I kissed her forehead and sat up a bit to see her alarm clock.

"It's a quarter to nine," I answered, "Go back to sleep."

"Mmm...'kay," she mumbled, hugging around my waist tightly. I bent down to kiss her ear.

"I love you," I whispered. I waited and she shifted after a moment. I felt the warm, wetness of her lips against my throat as she pressed a kiss to my skin. I involuntarily shivered, rubbing the small of her back in tiny circles as her breathing slowed to a sleeping pace. She was knocked out again, snoring softly. I tried to ignore that she didn't say 'I love you' back and closed my eyes to block out the sun.

The humming of the AC was actually soothing, but I still felt edgy. I know it's just been a week and though I've been whispering 'I love you' everyday to her, I shouldn't expect the same. It was her trust in me that needed to be restored, not the other way around. I just needed to be patient. I had to force that patience out of me. It would be a while before she smiles and kisses me on the lips and says it back with hesitance. I just had to be grateful that I was being given that chance...

It didn't hurt any less though, but I took a deep breath, expelling it slowly as I rubbed her back gently, drifting back into a peaceful sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was still weird seeing Justin casually strolling about the kitchen, tossing eggshells into the trash bin beneath the sink. After our overly emotional decision making, he had stayed the night every night for a week or so. It was nice, for lack of a better word, to spoon with him. I felt safer and Bob curled at our feet. There was still tightness in my stomach though...A reluctance. Justin was so happy to be part of my life again... almost too happy. Yes, I said I wanted a future with him, but it was going to be a lot of work to regain that trust.

Now that my mind and heart weren't confused by tears, closeness, or guilt, I could see things more clearly. I could see we were in need of a lot of renovations. "So... I was thinking..." I started, the awkwardness hanging at the tip of my words. Justin nonchalantly tossed me a wholehearted smile over his freckled shoulder, exposed by his white ribbed tank.

"About what?" he asked, going back to scrambling eggs on the stove. I wondered why breakfast was his only specialty. Most people upgraded after eggs and rice, but Justin seemed stuck in place.

"I think we need to lay down some ground rules for our... relationship," I said, the word 'relationship' feeling a lot stronger than I liked. Too official, in a sense, because we were working on gaining a relationship again, not working on our relationship itself. We didn't take a break, we broke up, and now we're starting new. "We need to take baby steps with this." That was most certainly the best way to put it, but I saw Justin's scrambling slow down a bit.

"How slow do you want to do this?" he asked, turning off the heat and facing me, "Is this too much?" He looked about the room, referring to our breakfast scenario. I shrugged, never really thinking it through, but I guess it was a bit too forward for him to spend the night - sex or no sex - and it was strange seeing him in my kitchen first thing in the morning.

"Now that I think about it, it is kinda weird to be doing this so soon," I told him honestly, "Two weeks ago you probably wouldn't have made it through my front door."

"So I'm not allowed to come by?" he asked, seeming somewhat annoyed. I felt an edge creeping up into my throat, but I told myself he was sensitive to the situation. Maybe he thought this was just rejection.

"You can come by, but sleeping over and breakfast... That's a bit much...for now," I said as gently as possible, but he still managed to frown. Damn him. "Look, I love having you around as much as you love being around, but I think we might get so caught up in the lovey dovey bullshit that we won't be thinking straight until it's too late to realize what we're doing. I don't want us to be all happy-happy-joy-joy; thinking we're a family and blah, blah, blah, and then when Sash Junior shows up, we can't communicate and handle the stress...You know what I mean?" I hated rambling, but Justin was so quiet and that was never a good thing. I wanted to fill up the silence.

"I hear ya," he mumbled, letting out a deep breath before turning his back to me, lifting the pan of eggs over the plates he laid out on the counter for us; half the batch of fluffy yellow for one plate, the other half for the other.

"Is that all you have to say?" I asked after waiting a moment for his thoughts to continue. I watched his freckled shoulders shrug.

"You want more space, right? That's what you're asking for?" To be honest, I didn't know what the hell I was asking for, I wanted to tell him, but I guess space was it, in a sense.

"I want us to talk to each other, but maybe the physical contact and the physical closeness should be post-pone..." I clarified, knowing damn well that a caress from Justin would send me out of my logical self. I wondered if I did the same to him.

"You make it sound like it's...wrong or something for us to want to touch and be close," Justin sighed, "I honestly don't see how that's going to hurt us. I should be allowed to kiss you good morning or goodnight..." I shook my head, raising my hand to silence him.

"Justin, that's the problem right there," I said, "First it's morning kisses, then it's night time kisses, and then it's any time of the day kisses and I don't know about you, but when it comes to physical shit... we tend to get a little caught up and greedy. We don't think straight when we're...close. Maybe that's just me; maybe I'm weak or something -"

"You don't think I'm weak when it comes to you?" Justin scoffed, "Where have you been our entire relationship? You look at me and I can't remember what the hell I was talking about five seconds ago." He had made his way over to my cabinet, grabbing half a loaf of potato bread. "I get what you're saying, Sash, I do..."

"I know you do now," I said, watching as he grabbed four slices out of the package, "I just wanted to be clear though. I don't want you to think I don't want to be close to you 'cause that's not the case at all." Justin smiled to himself as he plugged up my toaster by the microwave, readjusting our breakfast plates to make room.

"I know you want to touch me, Sash, you don't have to tell me twice," he said, making me roll my eyes. He was so damn cocky sometimes, "But that's what I'm trying to tell you... We want to touch too much and to be honest; this morning's got me a little...itchy. I thought I missed you, but whenever we kiss...I know I miss you for damn sure... I feel like if we don't try little physical things and just cut ourselves off cold turkey, the time when we do get a taste of each other..." He popped into the individual toaster slots in time to turn and raise a brow at me. A sexy little smirked curled up the corner of his lips and despite my better judgment, I felt a jolt right between my stupid legs.

"You're an idiot," I childishly chastised because I was right and he was saying dumb shit and looking at me funny to through me off base.

"I'm right, and you know it..." Justin sang softly, "I mean, you're hot stuff, little mama..." I tried not to feel flattered, but the compliment was much needed. I spent way too much time pointing out stretch marks to feel like the hot little mama he saw me as. I hated my insecurities for making me so weak to his words. He actually found this body attractive, granted, he hasn't seen it or, according to him, another woman's body since we broke up. It could just be desperation.

"Can we keep it to a minimum and only when it's necessary?" I said. Justin started nodding before I raised my hand, "And no sex - that's completely out of the question." His face fell immediately, head nodding ceased.

"Why?" he asked and I almost pointed to my baby bump in disbelief.

"I'm pregnant, perv," I snapped, crossing my legs like he was going to jump me then and there. Justin shrugged.

"So?" he scoffed, "I read that it's perfectly normal and highly recommended that you have sex regularly during pregnancy. Makes birthing easier; you won't be as... tight." He had the nerves to look down at my lap at the mention of the word and I adjusted my night gown to further cover up my knees.

He was telling the truth though. I knew that sex was normal and recommended; having worked in the maternity ward for clinical during my college years. I knew sex was healthy and normal, but I couldn't get past the fact that my baby was there, witnessing the nonsense.

"I don't want you poking my baby's face with your penis," I told him, making him snicker, "I'm serious, Justin Randall. You're always trying to do crazy shit and you're gonna end up giving my baby some sort of brain damage in the process. I'd rather not."

"Sash, you cannot be serious," he groaned, completely amused, but I wasn't laughing. Fuck what the medical books said; my baby was exposed to that shit.

"Whatever, Justin," I sighed, "Laugh all you want, but we're not having sex. My body is a penis free zone."

"Can I go down on you?" Had I been drinking my orange juice, I would've sputtered it out all over the table. I gasped. "What?" Justin asked innocently.

"You did not just ask me that!" I said, shocked. Justin shrugged.

"I feel like that's a perfectly valid question," he said, "You don't want anything to do with my penis, but I want everything to do with your pu-"

"Oh my god!" I interrupted, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, "Honestly, we haven't even had breakfast..." As if on cue, the toast popped up and Justin placed two slices of bread on each plate. He neatly pushed aside the bacon and sausage he had previously cooked closer to the eggs to make room and I rolled my eyes at his OCD.

"Fine, after we eat can we discuss...eating?" He laughed at his own perverse question and I ignored him, turning away from his sight when he turned with our breakfast plates in hand to sit at the table. I only turned back when he placed my plate in front of me. I was starving and I wasn't crazy enough to skip out on his cooking just show him I was mad.

I shifted in my seat to face my full plate. I felt his eyes burning a massive hole into my face as his fork clanked against his dish. I blindly reached for the ketchup and squeezed it all over my food once I got the cap open. I placed it next to my orange juice.

"Can you pass me the ketchup?" Justin asked, breaking our silence. I rolled my eyes. Now he needed the damn kitchen? Still, I kept my eyes down, sliding the ketchup back to the middle of the table. He snorted a laugh.

"Thanks, babe," he said and I knew he was waiting for me to say something back.

"You're welcome...babe," I mocked, picking up my fork and digging in. The eggs were perfectly fluffed and seasoned. The bacon crisp and the sausage browned to perfection. He really made a good breakfast, I had to admit. He made terrible breakfast conversation though.

"Okay, subject change, then, huh?" he suddenly suggested before continuing. "I'm going to L.A. Monday." I looked up for that, pouting involuntarily because he was being irrational.

"You're leaving because I don't want to have sex?" I blatantly asked. His face crumpled up in confusion before he shook his head.

"No, crazy," he laughed, "I have some shit to take care of back home..."

"What shit?" I inquired, forking up a piece of sausage and devouring it.

"I have meeting with Johnny..." he mumbled off with a shrug. I looked at him expectantly because I had no idea who the hell that was. "Oh, Johnny?" Justin said, catching on as I nodded, "He's my manager. Everything I do goes through him and he's the one I had to discuss record release dates with and I have demo to give him, stuff I've had for a while."

I nodded, not really intrigued by his work conversations, but the demo was interesting. "Can I hear this demo of yours?" I liked his music in the past and it would be nice to hear what he's been working on since we have so much drama and never enough time to discuss our work with each other.

"That's top secret stuff, baby," he said with a smirk, "I can't let anybody listen to it." He wanted to be a smartass? Two can play that game.

"Okay..." I said, sounding anything, but okay. I put on my best pout and continued eating, slowly. Justin's chair squeaked and I knew he was feeling uncomfortable now.

"Why are you lookin' like that?" he asked gently, reaching across the table touch my eating hand. I fought the smile threatening to take over my face, shrugging again.

"I dunno..." I mumbled, "I just... I never get to hear your stuff. We never even talk about it... I was just curious about what you sound like... I used to love hearing you sing in the shower..." That wasn't a lie; those mornings with Matthew were some of my favorites.

"Okay," he said, "The demo's back at my apartment. I can even sing some of 'em live, if you'd like. I've got my piano and guitar back there too. I'll give you an exclusive show. Does that sound fine?"

"You don't have to do all that," I said, but I was beaming because I got all that shit with just a pout.

"No, baby, I want to," Justin smiled before licking his lips, "Under one condition." My beams were gone at the mention of that.

"What condition?" I asked, sitting back in my seat and retracting my hand from his. He laughed.

"Relax, Sash," he said smoothly, "I just want you to hear me out about something."

"Is listening to you the condition?" I asked. I searched his eyes, but didn't see anything terrible or sex-related for that matter.

"Well yeah, but I'm hoping you'd consider it too," he said softly, less confident than before. My interest peaked. He looked... nervous, his eyes searching mine for a second.

"What is it?" I asked, not knowing if I wanted to even fucking know.

"It's about the baby shower," he said, making me roll my eyes. Who gives a shit about that? I'm thinking something terrible was going to happen.

"What about it?" I asked, "Your mama and Claire been talking?"

"No, I've spoken to my mama though," Justin said, "We were thinking that we could have it at my place." Was this boy crazy? His mansion was... well a mansion, but I how was family and friends getting there? Did he really want strangers, even though they'd be my people, in his home? Hell, I didn't want half of them in my home.

"Wouldn't it be easier to have it in Philly? I can't just ask my girls to get round trip tickets -"

"Baby, I've got that covered, you know I wouldn't ask that of your family and friends." I rolled eyes. I hated him throwing his money around. Rich or not, that's a hefty bill.

"I'm not letting you fly a million people to L.A. for me. There's nothing wrong with Philly. We can rent a nice hall downtown and -"

"Whoa, wait," Justin interrupted, "I wasn't talking about flying to L.A."

"What? Are we taking a jet plane to your apartment?" I asked, confused.

"No, of course not," Justin rolled his eyes, "I'm talking about home. Real home...I'm talking Millington, Tennessee." I felt my heart drop to my stomach in matter of seconds.

"Like...southern area? Like 'I-had-to-fly-half-my-family-to-L.A.-because-the-other-half-was-too-racist-to-meet-you- Tennessee?" Justin glanced away and shrugged.

"Well...yeah," he admitted, "Make we drop my fork in disbelief, "But it's not going to be crazy, I promise. My mama spoke to my fam-"

"A conversation isn't going to just erase racism," I growled, "Are you crazy, Justin? You do know that my whole family's as black as me and that my friends are mostly as black as me -"

"Yeah, I kinda assumed that much -"

"Well did you assume that I wouldn't be willing to drag them all to hell with you?" I asked, "This is suicide. I'm not walking straight into some racist trap -"

"It's not a racist trap, Sash," Justin interrupted, yet again, "Listen, they know you're pregnant and they're happy for me. Sasheirah, they're happy for us."

"They're gonna try and kill my baby," I said, rolling my eyes to heavens because he was too damn blind sometimes. Family was good at slapping smiles on and then getting out of control when you least expected it. Even if his mom spoke to some of his family, it doesn't mean they'll stay that calm and chummy the whole day. Besides, I wasn't going to put my family and friends through that. I wasn't going to prove my mama right that a white boy was no good and I wasn't going to risk Claire going to prison for snapping on one of his racist relatives. I could foresee the drama and I wanted nothing to do with it.

"I can't do that," I said firmly, "We can send them pictures from the party over here. Hell, if they had a separate shower, I'll go with you and that's it. I'm not subjecting people I care about to that mess. If anything happened, my mama would have to kill you for dragging her there and I wouldn't stop her."

Justin took a deep breath, nodding. "I understand," he said simply, "But Sash, they really are excited for our daughter. They were devastated when I lost my first child and now... they understand I'm getting second chance and I'm happy with you. They're respecting that." His eyes were getting all big and googily. He really wanted to have this damn shower in Tennessee.

"Why can't you fly your family and friends to Philly?" I asked, feeling more comfortable on my own turf.

"Because I'm not flying the whole town of Millington to Philly," Justin laughed, "I think my friends alone would over crowd our banquet hall. I have an uncle with a ranch down there and it's perfect for barbeques and whatnot. Plus there are horses kids can ride on... It's really nice. I think it's a great place to celebrate our baby girl." Damn him with his horses and barbeque talks with googily eyes.

"I'll think about it," I said, sighing because I already knew my answer would be yes. "Damn you."

Justin smirked. "I love you too, sugar plum."