"Wait a minute...What?" Claire was looking at me like I was crazy, her hands up to stop me from speaking momentarily as she shakes her head at the news that Justin and I were, for lack of a better word, together. Her frazzled mind reflected in her wild expression; eyes wide, her hair shaping her face in a fresh set of Shirley Temple curls bounced as she mumbled something, her head jerking from left to right as she made comical, imaginary bullet points.

"Stop it, Claire," I smiled, because I knew she was frontin' like she didn't want this shit to happen and sure enough, she burst out laughing. I watched as she howled with laughter, adjusting her mint green scrubs, which were nearly identical to mine with the exception of a white lab coat draped over her shoulders.

"Oh my goodness, girl! This is crazy, that's all I'm saying," Claire said, beaming at me with a knowing eyebrow arch. I read that face and knew what she was getting at.

"It's not like that, Claire," I said, getting uncomfortable, "There was no wild make up sex that caused this." She sucked her teeth, not trying to hide her disappointment.

"Why not?" she asked and I rolled my eyes. What was with people and pregnant sex?

"That's nasty, Claire! I'm pregnant," I said, gesturing toward my baby bump for proof, "Besides, we're trying an alternate route to getting back together. It's a no-physical-contact type deal. We haven't even kissed or held hands for two weeks now."

"Whoa," Claire said, truly impressed. I didn't know whether I should be flattered or offended, "How's that working out for you?" I ignored the tightness in my gut that told me it wasn't working out too well because it felt like I was on a diet and left alone in a candy store filled with chocolate goodness whenever Justin's fine ass waltz into the room. I hated knowing where his mind was nearly all the time. He might've said he was okay with things as is, but I saw his lingering looks, and I felt the way he stood unnecessarily close to me all the time, brushing skin and adjusting parts of my clothing that didn't need adjusting.

"It's...different," I tried, but Claire scoffed a laugh, shaking her head at me.

"You know this isn't gonna work, right?" Claire said, leaning back in her seat and picking at her fruit salad, "Justin's gonna get you all weak in the knees..."

"He respects our decision to keep things...separated," I defended, not wanting to seem soft, "Besides, he's been in LA this last week and I've been good with him being away."

"Duh, 'cause he's not around to bump you or caress you or stand so close you can just smell him..." God, I hated Claire sometimes and this was one of those moments because the bitch was so damn right. His vacation came at a good time. We had spent the weekend together, painting the nursery and finishing the crib. Lord knows that all those accidental bump-ins and paint splatters that led to giggles and stumbling that led to catching and holding and staring each other down with an intense urge to drop those motherfuckin' paint brushes and -

"Sash!" I snapped back into reality, Claire's laughter echoing in the empty lounge area. I looked down at my Mac'n'Cheese and felt overwhelmed with embarrassment. I was really going back to being a teenage boy because of that damn man.

"Shut up, Claire," I said after her laughter hadn't subsided. She was pounding the table with her fist, dying with laughter. I felt my face being tugged, the corners of my lips curving upward... And then I just laughed with her dumbass because her giggles were contagious and I needed to laugh at myself. With Justin hanging around and the physical being off limits, I had been rather stiff. If he even touched my shoulder, I flinched away and he'd roll his eyes and say something smart.

Well, ha-fuckin'-ha, Justin. I'm sorry I don't light your entire soul on fire with a lingering look...

"You wouldn't be so damn worked up if you had that crazy make up sex..." Claire mumbled off and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"That's gross," I said again, staring down at my baby bump. I wanted to be able to detach it for an hour and have that incredible sex. I wanted to... But that would never happen and it shouldn't. Physical shit fucked up emotional shit - I knew that, especially in terms of all things Justin.

"How is that gross?" Claire scoffed, "I had sex all the time when I was pregnant, right up to damn near giving birth...Shit, I think an orgasm caused my water to break." I gasped, horrified at the very idea. I widened my eyes at Claire who gave me a 'so what?' face and shrugged and cackled like a witch at her own sick joke.

"Birth?" I gaped, unable to imagine how she could do that with her baby so developed and aware. I read that the baby can hear almost everything. I didn't want her to hear...that. Not like that. Not the way Justin made me sound. The moans, the groans, the overly-sensual moaning caused by his sexual torture...I held onto that though, feeling that electric through me. Damn that man. I used to be two seconds away from joining a nunnery and now I was one sex act away from being a nymphomaniac.

"Oh stop looking so shocked," Claire said, breaking into my thoughts, "You know me and I know you. Stop being so uptight and let shit flow... If you happen to be in the mood and Justin happens to be in the mood -"

"Justin's always in the mood," I inserted. Claire gave an approving nod.

"That's what I'm talking about," she smiled, leaning back in her seat, "Stop making that face like it's a bad thing." I rolled my eyes, crossing my ankles as I yawned.

"It is," I sighed, starting to feel that annoying grip of insecurity on me, "If he's always in the mood and I'm completely repulsed by the idea of pregnant sex-"

"Only because you're nervous about your new body," Claire said, making me hate her for knowing me so well. "He loves you and he doesn't care. The fact that you're carrying his child makes you that much more attractive. My hubby told me that all the time." I looked at Claire and she looked completely content with her husband's words. I couldn't believe Justin when he told me I was beautiful and I only became more self-conscious when I caught him glancing at me for no reason. I had no idea why he was attracted to me before this baby and now that my baby bump was causing stretch marks, I couldn't bear the thought of nudity when it came to Justin.

Besides, in all honesty, when I dug deep and examined the foundation of my self-conscious, self-loathing, anti-sex attitude, I saw Jessica Biel written all over it.

Jessica was the last woman he had sex with - at least that's what he told me. She was the last to please him. The last body he saw. The last person he touched that intimately and as much I was envious of her body (in comparison to mine), I was more...hurt than anything else. I didn't want to be physical with him because the whole time I'd be thinking 'how could he have done this with somebody else?' Every kiss, nip, caress...Did he do the same to her? Was I better? Was she better? Did he do it this way or that? As much as the fact hurt, I was oddly curious. I wanted to know because I never wanted to imitate her. I never wanted to have a moment where I saw the memory of her in his eyes because I moaned the way she did or I tried something she had already done.

"I just can't do that," I told Claire softly, feeling the mood shift all around me. Suddenly Justin wasn't such an easy topic. Claire gave me one of her disapproving grunts before looking down at her salad, popping a piece of pineapple into her mouth.

"So he's in LA?" Claire inquired after a moment, forking me a piece of cantaloupe I gladly accepted. I sighed because thinking about him being away made me realize how much I missed him despite all the bullshit. Having him around, even if he didn't spend the night, made my house feel more...homey. Bob even seemed more energized. I was tempted to let him sleepover the night before he left, just because, but I told myself to be strong and resisted the urge by pointing out that his downtown apartment was closer to the airport anyway.

"Music shit," I said with a shrug because I didn't have much knowledge beyond that, "He pushed back his album for the baby." Claire nearly choked on a piece of cantaloupe and I looked at her as she coughed, knowing the feeling exactly. "I know; it's ridiculous, right? I mean, it's going on five years since he's done anything solo and he's blowing it off. I mean, he could wait to tour or something, but the whole album? I feel so...guilty." I couldn't really explain what I was trying to say. It just felt like I was getting in the way of a million fans' hopes and dreams of hearing something new from Justin. Hell, even I wanted to hear something new.

Granted, he had invited me to his place for an exclusive, but I later on declined, fearing he'd trap me there somehow by letting me fall asleep or suggesting another movie night. I really couldn't hop in the same bed as him with such an unstable amount of self-control and with Justin so willing to damn the whole idea of abstinence to hell. It would be too easy and too damn sweet to pass up on, so the best way to not fall into temptation is to avoid it in the first place.

"You shouldn't feel guilty," Claire said after composing herself, "You and him are together - he's building a family. He can have all the fame and money in the world, but family is something he wants more than anything. He doesn't want to miss a moment with you guys and I think that's really sweet." I rolled my eyes, despite the fact that I felt really special, not only because Claire made Justin look even better as an overall human being, but because she said 'you guys' in reference to Sash Junior and I. We were a team already; Daddy's girls. I felt unusually giddy at the revelation.

"Whatever, Claire," I verbally disregarded, not wanting to get too hung up on the idea of actually having a family - Mommy, Daddy, baby, and Bob. A stable family unit wasn't something I grew up with, so I was being smart enough to avoid getting attached to the prospect of actually having one. Justin and I weren't fully together - things could easily fall apart. That was always at the back of my mind. "I cannot wait to get this damn baby stuff over with." My subtle subject change worked like a charm. Claire's eyes were beaming.

"Oh, I am so excited about this damn baby shower!" she gushed suddenly, making reality crash down on me. I might've forgotten to mention that whole Tennessee thing...

"Claire, Justin had an idea about that," I stated, making sure the blame wasn't on me. Claire didn't try to hide her surprise.

"But he's the guy," she said, confused, "It doesn't matter what he has to say." I smiled because that was such a Claire thing to say.

"Well, since he's paying for the bulk of the party, we'll have to make an exception to that rule..."

"By bulk you mean the whole thing, right?" Claire inquired, making me annoyed. She sounded like my damn mother. "What? I'm just saying..."

"Anyway," I sighed, "The baby shower's not gonna be here."

"At the hospital?" Claire asked, making me want to slap her.

"No, fool," I said shortly, "Philadelphia."

"Oh..." she paused, smiled, and then thought it over."Wait...Which is it? Not in Philadelphia or not in the hospital?" My hand itched with the urge to smack her, but I rubbed my belly instead, feeling how weird my belly button was getting, all jutted out beneath my scrubs.

"He wants to have it in Tennessee at some ranch and he's paying for the airfare for all of my family and friends to get there..." I mumbled out, hating the idea. Claire's face was beginning to say the same thing.

"You mean...Tennessee, Tennessee? Like...with his redneck, let-me-get-my-lynching'-rope family, Tennessee?" I nodded, confirming the source of her distress. She stayed quiet for a moment, mulling it over.

"I know, right?" I agreed to her silence, "I mean... he probably thinks it's a great way to smooth things over..."

"Smooth what over?" Claire asked, "Racism? This isn't an argument between his family and you, it's a preference of prejudice that I don't think you should attempt to delve into. Do you know how much shit will go down if something crazy happens? And by crazy, I mean racist." I figured that much, I wanted to say, feeling uneasy. I don't know why Justin couldn't understand that part.

"I can see my mama now..." I groaned, picturing her burning that whole damn ranch down, "Oh Lord... I have to think this over." Claire reached over to pat my hand.

"I think Justin's being a little peace maker. He wants his family to love you and accept y'all having a baby and being together, but in all honesty... He can lead a horse to water, if you know what I mean? It's sweet though; he means well."

"Oh Claire, you did not see the look on this boy's face when he asked!" I whined, "His eyes lit up and he was kind of hesitant about it, but he looked so excited by the idea of his family merging with my family... It made me feel a little more okay with it. I mean, Justin's family is his family though... I don't want there to be this whole big thing and it's like...he has to choose or something; between his family and me..." I pushed down the sick feeling in my stomach. I was never the choice for anybody. Not Angel, not even Justin at a time was always second best and I didn't want to have to do that again.

"If it comes down to that, Justin'll choose you," Claire said with confidence, "You and that baby are his family. No doubt about that." I shook my head. A baby mama versus the people who raised you? I internally frowned.

"I don't know..." I sighed, "I don't want to think about it anymore." I reached over, grabbed the whole banana lying on a napkin by her fruit salad bowl. Claire chuckled, eating a watermelon piece.

"You worry too much," she said simply, "Relax." I rolled my eyes. Yeah right, relax.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I felt like an asshole. Maybe I should've gotten her something? I mean, it's not like I went away to France - I just went to LA. Maybe I should've given her a Lakers’ jersey? A little LA hat for Sash Junior? I smiled at the prospect of having my baby girl decked out in Lakers gear. She'd be their little cheerleader.

"Oh, Justin, baby, I'm so excited to see how big she's gettin'!" My mama was clapping and swaying as we walked, so full of excitement. I rolled my eyes, laughing at her as she adjusted the lace trim of her beige top.

"Mama, relax," I soothed, rolling her humongous luggage behind us. I readjusted my Ray Bans as we moved through the crowded airport, virtually undisturbed. I loved Philadelphia for the lack of paps. LAX was nearly impossible. Sometimes I never wanted to leave home, or come back to it for that matter, because people didn't know how to fucking act. Here, they stayed their distance and even when they got close, they were a lot less aggressive. It made you almost want to strike a pose for the hell of it.

Almost.

"I am just so happy 'cause she's doin' good and with the grin you've been havin', she's probably lookin' real good too!" She laughed out loud, making me chuckle. I loved that she knew me so well.

"Oh stop it," I said, blushing a bit because it was still my mama. I felt like she had pointed out who I was crushing on before I even knew I really liked the girl. That awkward, caught feeling that made you want to hide, but nevertheless, I moved a little faster as we neared the exit because my baby was waiting for me on the other side.

Sure enough, Sash's car was double parked by the entrance. She was facing the opposite direction as she bobbed her head to music. I could hear the beat faintly as we neared her car. I tapped on the passenger window, making her flip her ponytailed head around. Her face instantly broke into a smile as she popped open the trunk and unclipped her seatbelt a moment later.

As I headed to the back of the vehicle, I could hear my mother and her gushing and squealing as they hugged, saying how good it was to see each other. I placed my mother's roller bag into the trunk before shutting it. I strolled back to where they stood, Sash on display as my mother rubbed her belly, embarrassingly bending down to rest her ear against it. I watched though, slightly envious at how easily she touched her. I felt like I was walking on eggshells with the physical shit. I just wanted to kiss her and rub her belly and hold her at night because I knew for a fact that she felt safer with me there. Hell, I felt safer with me there. Sleeping alone in my big ol' apartment was bullshit. I practically begged her to at least let me sleep on the couch at night, but she refused, saying she wanted space. I wish I were a little more stubborn and argued her down, but I didn't want to cause any stress. I was still trying to get into her good graces and if that meant swallowing my pride, then so be it.

It didn't suck any less though.

I glanced up, finding Sash looking at me with this sad smile like she was reading my mind. I held her gaze, the warmth of her eyes soothing me because I loved that woman, touch or no touch.

"Hey," I mouthed as my mother badgered on about the baby's size.

"Hey," she mouthed back, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her and hug her for an unnecessary amount of time, but my mother had finally ended her grandmotherly squabbling to stand up straight and hug Sash from the side, beaming at me.

"I know this baby is gonna be gorgeous," she gushed, "And happy! What a happy baby!" I rolled my eyes, laughing as Sash did the same. I gestured toward the car.

"Mama, please get in before they lock you up," I joked. My mother giggled, rubbing Sash's belly one last time before I opened the passenger door for her.

"Oh no, I'm in the back," she announced, opening that door for herself, "Sash is shot gun because I know you weren't thinkin' of makin' her drive back into the city." I glanced back at Sash to see her fighting off the argument that she was capable of driving, but I knew my mother meant well.

"Of course not," I lied because Sash wanted to drive and I wasn't going to get in her way. I had one too many speeches about her being independent to take her car out of her hands.

"That's my boy," Mama said, disappearing into the backseat. I shut the door after her, turning back to Sash to reach out for the keys. She glanced at my palm and back at me. I glanced at the back window and back to her, shrugging. It wasn't my call. Mama gets what Mama wants and Sash pouted, dropping the keys into my open palm. I pulled the passenger door open for her, waiting for her to be completely settled before leaning down, placing a small kiss behind her ear.

"I've missed you," I whispered softly, just to let her know, loving how good she smelled and how she sighed softly at my words. We held each other's gaze for a moment before I shut the door. I jogged to the driver's side and hopped inside, clipping on my seat belt. I glanced back at my Mama who was smiling wide, her eyes twinkling. I knew that look. She thought Sash and I was the cutest thing in the world.

She only gave that look to babies, kittens, puppies, and young couples.

"You ready?" I asked and she nodded, sitting back in her seat. I turned back to Sash who looked up at me after clipping her seat belt on, adjusting the straps over her baby bump. "You?" I asked her. She reached over, taking my hand in my lap to give it a squeeze.

"Ready," she said simply, her eyes saying so much more. I lifted her hand in mine, kissing against her knuckles. I reluctantly released her hand into her lap, starting the car. The sounds of Eminem's Recovery album came blaring through the speakers. I raised a brow at Sash, who shrugged.

"You're letting my baby listen to him?" I asked, shaking my head.

"What?" she asked innocently, "It's a good album."

"Great, actually," my mother chimed in, "I love the whole thing."

"Mama!" I whined, looking at her through the mirror I was adjusting. She shrugged, leaning up in her seat to poke between Sash and I.

"He's not really over Em bashing him and the rest of the guys during the 'Nsync days," she told Sash, making me want to duct tape her mouth. I hated motherly gossip, "See, we meant Eminem though and let me tell you, Mr. Mathers is really a sweet boy. He even apologized!" I rolled my eyes, remembering that fake shit he did just to impress my mother after the Grammy's one night. The moment her back was turned, he called me a faggot and walked away.

"Eminem's an asshole, trust me," I said, popping out the CD and tuning into the radio stations. I felt my mother rolling her eyes and Sash snickering a second later was a dead give away that was right.

"It's okay, Justin," Sash cooed mockingly as 'Love the Way You Lie' was announced as number one on the top forty charts. Fuck you, Ryan Sea crest. "Once you drop your album, I'll be like 'Eminem who?'" I glanced over at Sash who was jutting out her bottom lip comically. I could see she was ready to burst into a fit of giggles.

"Just laugh," I said, rolling my eyes and fighting off my own smile when she sputtered out a giggle. My mother was chuckling in the backseat like nobody's business. I ignored them both, switching the radio to some Motown station, letting Smokey Robinson and the Miracles tune them out.

The drive back to my apartment was full of chatter. My mother was playing a game of twenty-one questions with Sash concerning the baby. Sash was enthusiastically voicing her concerns and taking the advice my mother offered. I was smiling the whole time; how could I not enjoy my two favorite girls getting along? This is why I wanted my mother here because Sash would tell her things she wouldn't say to me. My mother could give us answers no book could provide. I was as nervous as Sash about our baby and to have a knowledgeable person who had been there and done that, mostly on her own, was a comfort to us both.

Once we reached my apartment, the chattering ended as my mother climbed out and took her luggage from the trunk despite my calls that I would get it for her. Sash smiled, probably loving how they both could boss me around from time to time with their independent women crap. It made me pout, which made Sash giggle as she exited the car herself, making it over to where I stood by the driver's side.

"You coming up?" I asked, already locking the doors. The alarm beeped in the quiet parking lot behind the complex. It was a Sunday night, after all. I wasn't expecting many people to be filtering in or out. There was barely any cars driving down Arch Street on our way here.

"Nah, I think I'mma head home," Sash said, not looking at me fully. I leant down, comically tilting my head to catch her gaze. She rolled her eyes and finally stared up at me, allowing me pout at her.

"Why not?" I asked, knowing full well she wasn't working tomorrow. She could come up and stay the night if she wanted. My mother was sleeping in the office space I turned into a bedroom in case Trace or she visited. Hell, even for Rachel, despite the fact that it was a long shot of getting her here. When I had gone to L.A. she was nowhere to be found. Trace told me she was staying with Jessica. I didn't call her. I wasn't trying to get caught in some twisted plot to get Jessica and me speaking again. I knew Rachel would have something up her sleeve, so I just avoided it. Call me childish, but it was Sash I was coming back home to. I didn't want any drama to bring her.

"Don't you want to just chill with your mama?" she asked, giving an awkward shrug, "I don't want to get in the way of that." I scoffed at the idea of that.

"I wasn't involved in any of the conversation y'all were having on the drive down here," I pointed out, "Trust me, my mama has loads of shit to say to you and advice she wants to give and let’s not forget all the unnecessary belly rubs." Sash giggled and it was so damn cute that I wanted to make her laugh again.

"Justin, don't get all jealous on me now," she teased, looking at me from behind her long lashes. I instinctively reached up to caress her cheek. She smiled softly at the gesture and I was grateful that she didn't flinch away. Sash was good for that these days.

"I'm not jealous," I said softly, "I'm happy y'all are getting along so well. You two are the most important girls in my life." Sash placed her hand on her belly and smiled.

"And baby makes three..." she joked, making me chuckle. I paused for a moment before I rested my hand beside hers, smoothing my hand down her belly, feeling the outward growth of her belly button. Sash didn't move, but she did hitch her breath before clearing her throat, signaling me to drop my hands.

"You're getting so big," I said in aware, my palm still feeling the taunt flesh of her baby bump.

"I gained seventeen pounds," Sash grimaced and sighed.

"That's not what I meant," I said, hating that she was taking it the wrong way.

"Oh, I know what you meant," Sash assured, "But I still gained seventeen pounds."

"That's nothing," my mother said, rolling up beside me. I had almost forgotten about her. "Sorry for interrupting, but I can only stand behind the car for so long. These pumps are killing me and I'm feeling a little jet lagged." I glanced down at her ivory heels and back at her.

"Nobody told you to try and be all fancy today," I joked. She scoffed and waved me off.

"Either way, I need to get out of these," my mother sighed, "Sash, you're coming up right? I've got some crumb cake in this bag with your name all over it!" I looked back at her roller bag, mad that she didn't tell me she had cake.

"Oh, Lynn, I'd love to, but I think I'mma turn in for the night."

"Oh, no," my mother whined and I smirked. Sash thought I was stubborn. She had yet to face the full force of Lynn Harless. "I can't let you go all the way home without something in the belly of my grandbaby. Now I'll tell ya what, when you eat my crumb cake, you won't know what hit you and neither will our little bean just a'bakin' in that oven of yours. It's so good you'll want to smack your mama!" I bit my tongue, fighting the urge to say that it didn't take any amount of cake to want to smack Sash's mama, but I knew Sash would end up smacking me and leaving if I did.

"You can't say no to mama," I said to Sash, shaking my head, "She will nag you 'til you say yes."

"I do not nag," my mother denied, making me narrow my eyes at her.

"Now Mama, you know lying is a sin, right?" I asked, getting a smack upside the head before I even saw her move. I rubbed the back of my head and pouted as Sash laughed out loud.

"I really do like you, Lynn," Sash grinned and I sighed dramatically, taking my mother's luggage from her hand and making my way to the front entrance. I heard them following me, laughing the whole way. I was still mad that I got a smack upside the head for joking around and Sash was getting crumb cake she didn't even want two seconds ago.

----------------------------------------------------------

I woke up the next morning to the smell of frying bacon. The grin on my face was automatic. I loved having my mama around. Food was always there and she was just an all around comfort. I dragged myself out of bed, making sure I washed my face before making my appearance. As I dragged myself up the hall and into the kitchen, my mother turned and smile at me as she worked her way around the stove.

"Hey, darlin'," she beamed, "I was wonderin' if you were ever gonna get up. It's nearly noon." I stretched, sleep still in my eyes as the sun came blazing in from the drawn back blinds.

"Sorry," I mumbled, "Smells good."

"Well, I ran out to the store this mornin' 'cause you only had half a box of Pops cereal and baking soda." She shot me an annoyed glance. I turned away. "I'm glad you have Sash around or you'd starve." I laughed because that was true. I dragged my tired ass toward my mama, noticing she was dressed in a pink button up and khakis, ready for the day and I was in sweats and a gray t-shirt. She was just finishing the bacon when I came up and hugged her from behind, kissing her cheek, and relishing in her scent. I was instantly comforted, feeling like a kid again.

"I've missed you, Mama," I said, squeezing her one last time before she turned and looked back at me as I pulled away, her bright blue eyes identical to mine as she beamed.

"Oh, honey, I wish I came sooner," she gushed, turning off the stove where hash browns were fried up to golden brown perfection. "Oh and Sash is as sweet as I can remember. She's just so nervous about that baby..." I took a seat at a stool in front of my island and nodded.

"She thinks she'll be a bad mother," I told my mother, making her whip around to gawk at me with disbelieving eyes, "That's what I said..."

"She is gonna be such a good mama," my mother gushed, scraping the hash browns into two plates where eggs where already laid out. "She knew a lot about babies already. She spends a lot of time at the nursery at work, did you know that? She just stares at those cute little faces and now she's gonna have one for herself." I didn't know that actually, but I just nodded. Sash never struck me as the baby watching type.

"Well, Sash is natural at taking care of everything. She's amazing, Mama," I gushed, "I mean... I don't think she realizes how perfect she is. She works hard and she never asks for anything. It's really annoying sometimes, but it's commendable. This girl will get shot and not ask for medical attention if she thinks she can do it herself."

"I could see that in her face when I asked you to drive," my mother chuckled and I raised a brow at her. "What? She needs to learn to let people take care of her from time to time. Even small things like giving up the wheel for a minute." I shook my head, my mother was slicker than I thought and much more perceptive.

"It's easier just to let her have her way," I said, smiling to myself.

"Yeah, if you're the man in the relationship, it seems like it," my mama told me, adjusting bacon strips on the plates, "You have to be as stubborn as her sometimes. You can't do whatever she wants all the time."

"I don't," I argued, "I made her take that car...and that bracelet." I frowned a bit, realizing she didn't wear it anymore.

"Yeah, you did," my mother agreed, grabbing a plate and handing it to me. My stomach growled at the delicious aroma. "So can I ask you something?" My mind left food behind as I glanced up at my mother. She was smiling at me and I instantly grew suspicious. My mother asking if she could 'ask me something' was as much of a warning as 'we need to talk'.

"What is it?" I asked, eyeing her. She raised her hand in mock surrender.

"Now, before you go conjuring up conspiracies, I have simple question," she said, but her face was too bright. She was too excited for a simple question.

"Mama, I don't know what you're thinkin' 'bout, but you're freaking me out." She waved me off as I placed my plate on the island behind me just in case.

"You love Sash, right?" I waited, searching her eyes.

"Is that your question?" I asked, confused.

"Just answer me," my mother snapped a little and I shrugged.

"Of course," I said without hesitation, "That's understood."

"Yeah, well, you love her and she loves you and y'all are having this baby together..." I nodded, even though I was a little hazy as to where this was going.

"Mama, I'm not getting where you're going," I finally said. My mother squealed, making me jump a little.

"Oh, Justin, what the hell are you waiting for!" she gushed suddenly, making me further confused.

"Mama, what in God's name are you talking about?" I asked, wanting to check her temperature or at least my medicine cabinet to make sure she wasn't popping anything. My mama groaned in frustration like I was being the slow one.

"Justin Randall, you love this woman," my mother repeated, "Y'all are having a baby!"

"I know!" I mocked, "What's gotten into you?"

"Jiminy Cricket, Jus," my mama sighed, "Are you going to marry that girl or what?" I was glad I put the plate down because I lost all feeling in my fingers.

"M-marry?" I stammered, my mind going blank, "Like marriage?" My mother rolled her eyes.

"Oh for Christ's sake..." she mumbled off, "Justin, it's the right thing to do when you make babies and love somebody."

"Mom, I just got...unengaged," I reminded, "I'm not going to ask Sash to marry me now. I can't anyway. We're not even really together."

"That's cause she doesn't trust how you feel about her," my mother argued, "I think a proposal pretty much seals the deal."

"I'm not sealing deals, Mama," I said, getting further uncomfortable, "I know Sash, okay? If I get down on one knee, she'll use the height advantage to kick me in the face." My mother rolled her eyes, but I wasn't joking.

"You're not even thinking about marrying her?" she badgered on and I wasn't getting it. My mother hated the idea of me proposing to Jessica and she thought I was a damn fool for ever getting engaged to Cameron. Hell, she told me to slow down when I said I'd marry Britney, but now she practically shoving a three stone ring down my throat.

"I've thought about it in passing, but I didn't pick a date or anything," I said, "Since when do you want me marrying somebody?"

"Since you've meant the right person," my mother said simply, turning back to the stove grab the grease pans she used to cook. I sighed, she was just distracting herself with something which meant she was upset.

"Mama..." I called out tiredly, "I didn't even have my breakfast yet. Can I eat before we discuss my future?" She nodded and shrugged, but didn't say anything. I stared at her back, watching her grab the soap and a dish brush from the edge of the sink. There was no point in trying to console her. She would scrub until her arms were tired and then escape somewhere to be alone. I stood, grabbing my plate from the counter behind me to make my way into the living room.

I glanced back, watching her scrubbing hard as crap, before turning back towards the living area. Today was going to be a long day.

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Tonight we were having Indian take out. Justin had gotten the chicken curry and I ordered the chicken tikka Marsala. We picked off each other's plates as sat on the floor of my living room, propped up against the couch with pillows and the coffee table in front of us, our food and drinks decorating it. We were halfway though X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I was loving it and the food and the comfortable silence. I liked that it was Friday and I had an afternoon shift which meant I could stay up a little later with Justin and sleep in a little later for me.

"Can I ask you something?" Justin asked as the movie came to an end. I glanced over at him before forking up a potato from his curry.

"What's up?" I stuck the potato in my mouth, rolling my eyes at the way Justin watched me eat. It was exceedingly uncomfortable, to say the least.

"I was talking to my mom the other day," he said, making me smirk at the thought of Lynn. "She really likes you."

"I like her too," I said, meaning it. She kind of reminded me of what my mother would be like if she were more nurturing than honest. My mother was a hard ass, but she meant well. She had the same intentions as Lynn, but Lynn was nicer about those said intentions.

"Well, that's good," Justin said, but he didn't look very happy. I furrowed my brows when he nervously started cleaning his hands with his napkin. He didn't even have any sauce on his fingers.

"You okay?" I asked, not liking the shift in his mood. He shrugged before turning a bit to face me better. I didn't move when he scooted closer to me, closer enough that I could see the light freckles on his nose if the room were lit up by more than just the dim lamp light.

"I just want you to be honest with me, Sash," he said seriously, searching my eyes. I felt myself clamming up.

"About what?" I asked, getting nervous now from the intensity of his gaze.

"I'm not asking you this right now, okay? I'm just curious." I was confused, but I nodded.

"Okay..." I said, looking at him expectantly. He sighed, his warm breath against my face.

"Well... I was just wonderin'," he began, his southern accent coming through, which meant he was really nervous now, "I mean...One day, ya know, when we figure us out and we trust each other again..." I nodded.

"Yeah, what about that?" I asked impatiently. I didn't like this suspense shit.

"Would you ever..." he paused, looking away to rethink, "I mean could you see us together for the long term?" My heart jerked a little because it knew what he meant before I did.

"What do you mean?" I asked for a bit of clarity.

"I mean...if I got down on one knee and promised you forever, would you take that offer?" he said softly, keeping my gaze. "Would you want to marry me?" I gulped down air and glanced away. My heart was pounding because even though he said he wasn't really asking, it like he was. It felt like if I answered him that would be my answer when he did ask. It felt like he was actually thinking about asking me, and soon. I mean, who discusses marriage when they don't intend to get married? Obviously he wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with him, but I couldn't even be sure of us for next week, let alone the rest of my life.

Then again, when I saw next week and the week after that and a year from now...there was Justin, right there by my side, holding me and our baby girl. I couldn't see anybody else when it came to the future and, now that I was actually realizing that, it scared the shit out of me. Was it possible to be so certain that you were unsure?

Justin was staring at me, waiting on it answer, but when I went to speak, nothing came out but a small puff of air. He blinked and looked away.

"Sorry, it was stupid," he mumbled, standing up as he grabbed our plates. I just watched as he retreated into the kitchen, not bothering to stop him.

I looked down, my ring finger empty and feeling heavier than usual. I imagined an enormous engagement ring weighing it down; JT & SH Forever engraved into it...And then I shook my head, feeling nauseated by the weight of that situation.

Forever was a long time. Marriage was a lot of work. I'd be Mrs. Timberlake. I'd be a wife. I couldn't wrap my head around motherhood, let alone being a wife.

For a moment I wished I wasn't pregnant so I could have a drink. Or two.

Then I felt terribly guilty for wishing that, even jokingly. I glanced towards the kitchen when the water from the sink started running. Justin hated washing dishes so he was really trying to kill time. I decided to make it easier on him by switching off the DVD and television before standing up and making my way upstairs. He'd finish with his cleaning, realize I was lying down upstairs, and then he'd call out to me, be grateful that I'd ignore him, and then he'll practically run out the door.

I took my plan into action, nearly jogging up the stairs to climb into bed. Bob followed and before I even hit the sheets, I heard Justin grabbing his keys and his jacket. I waited at the crack door. I felt him at the bottom of the stairs. I could almost see him standing there, debating. I waited for it. I waited for him to call up, but the next thing I heard was him walking out the door, shutting it behind him.

I frowned, listening to his truck rev up and pull off a second later. Bob meowed at me feet when I did slip under the covers, closing my eyes, and trying to push Justin out of head. It didn't work. I fell asleep dreaming of a platinum band wrapped around my finger and no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn’t come off.