I knew my mother was just being the nosy character she was when she asked what I was waiting for. I knew she didn't mean I should literally fall to my knee and propose to Sash that very night. I knew that she was thinking about my future and what was best for it - what was expected of it. It made sense. I am in love with Sash, she's in love with me, and she's carrying my child. Despite the short span of time that we've known each other, it was still time. It was more than enough drama and ups and downs to test us. Although we fell apart, we're still standing together regardless of our title less relationship status. We had a clear understanding - she was mine and I was hers. If anybody got in our way, we'd be devastated and pissed the hell off. It wouldn't be tolerated. Essentially, that person would be destroyed, at least if Damon or some other asshole tried to get my girl.

But what's funny about all that is that none if it means a damn thing to Sashierah Mallory Hanes. See, I could find a way to pulverize the got damn moon for that woman if she asked me to, no questions asked, but if I so much as ask this woman if she wanted to marry me - if she wanted to do the logical thing in the future and solidify our relationship by spending the rest of our lives together with a nice piece of paper and silver band to make it official, I get the deer in headlights look and a puff of air where words should've been.

My ego was bruised, to say the least, and even though I'm logical enough to know that her trust in me is still in the process of being restored, I think I deserve a little assurance that my efforts and vulnerability are being noted and appreciated. I need to know that I'm not wasting my time - I need to know that she wants me around. Granted, I do know that. I see it in the way she cuddles next to me on the couch or how she glances at the time when I tell her I'm leaving before I can fall asleep on her couch. I can see that she wants me to stay. I can see that she watches me watch her sometimes, moving about and looking beautiful. I know that she loves me because she can't ignore a text or a phone call or pass up on my offered foot massages.

But knowing it for yourself and having it be told to you is two different things.

I already said I'd destroy whoever got in the way of our happiness, but it was difficult to do that when it was Sashierah herself standing in our way. When it was her stubbornness and fear causing us to be at a standstill, or, even worse, reverting back to square one, I wasn't very good at taking care of the situation. I talked myself out of confronting her about it because I felt guilty that I had caused our problems, but the fact is...Sash's insecurity had always been in the way. Her got damn walls were made of some indestructible titanium and even when I thought I was knocking them down, I had only put a dent in it.

But fuck those walls.

"I'm seven months next week," Sash beamed, crossing out yesterday on her kitchen calendar hung magnetically to the refrigerator. I hoped she wasn't talking the entire time because I hadn't heard a word, not that I necessarily cared.

"That's great," I said flatly, feeling every muscle in my body tense when she frowned in my direction, clipping the marker above the calendar.

"You sound so enthusiastic," she grumbled, stepping back to pull open the fridge door. I watched as she rubbed her hand subconscious over her baby bump, the thin fabric of her tank barely covering up her belly. She looked beautiful in the glow of the refrigerator, even though she complained that tights and scrubs were the only thing getting over her belly, and even though she irritated the shit out of me.

"Why won't you marry me?" I asked suddenly, seeing her fumble with a piece of cheesecake she had left over from the Cheesecake Factory last night. Actually, it was one of the three slices she ordered just so she could have them at home.

"Justin, what does that have to do with anything?" she countered, confusing me. She slammed the fridge shut, walking over to the drawer by the sink to find a spoon.

"It has everything to do with everything," I said, gesturing toward her, "You're carrying my child."

"That's a terrible reason to get married," she mumbled, angrily digging through the drawer despite the millions of spoons sitting on top. She was just wasting time so she wouldn't have to look at me. It made me want to slam the drawer shut to get her attention.

"That's not the only reason why we should get married," I said, trying to gather a mental list of reasons as she finally grabbed a spoon and slammed the drawer shut, "I love you, Sash; I'd give you anything without a second thought. You'd do the same for me, right?" Sash didn't even take a seat, she ripped open the plastic cover of her white chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake package and dug in, ignoring me. I felt myself getting worked up by her immaturity. Sure, eat cake and ignore me. That was bullshit.

Before I could really think it through, I was in front of her, snatching the cake from her hands and all but slamming it onto the kitchen table. I didn't let the spoon clattering onto the floor distract me, but I put my hand against Sash's shoulder when she went to step around me to get it. She looked at my hand and back at me like I was crazy. I could see her getting angry at the contact, so I put my hand down, raising my arms up in surrender.

"I'm not trying to argue," I assured, pushing down the urge to yell at her how unfair she's being. "I just think it's fucked up that you don't want to marry me. I wasn't even asking you to do it right then and there, I was just asking-" Sash scoffed like I was being ridiculous, turning away from me and stomping out of the kitchen like nobody's business. I stood there for a minute, stunned. I felt like she had slapped me. I felt a tightness in my chest telling me that she had hurt my feelings. This wasn't some bullshit discussion, this was our future together and she walked off. She scoffed like I was nagging at her. She was acting like didn't give a shit that I wanted to marry her.

I all but ran out to that living room, finding her angrily fixing the pillows, slamming them against the arm of the couch as she shooed away Bob, making him hiss and jet off past me into the kitchen. Now she was fucking with the cat too. I couldn't believe this shit.

"Are you serious right now, Sash?" I asked aloud. She started mumbling something, again ignoring me as she grabbed the remote, switching off the television that I hadn't realized was on. "Sash, I'm fucking talking to you."

"And I'm fucking ignoring," she snapped back, suddenly finding the balls to look me in the eyes with a furious scowl crumpling up her soft face. I gritted my teeth and kept my jaw locked. She stared me down until she couldn't anymore. I saw her eyes glaze over before she had fully turned away, heading towards her steps. I couldn't fucking understand her and I was sure the hormones weren't helping. She was crying now; I could tell in the way she hurried up the steps, less cautious than usual.

I let go of the breath I was holding when she slammed her bedroom door shut. I felt my anger dripping from my bones because she was now shedding tears. Even if she was a maniac, I loved her and didn't want to make her cry, but damn it - why wouldn't she marry me? Better yet, why didn't she even want to marry me? That's all I needed to hear. All I needed was some confirmation that she wanted a future with me and she didn't even give me that.

But I felt my resistance crumbling. I could practically see that sweet face of hers buried in a pillow so I wouldn't hear her sob and it was killing me. She didn't need to be upset, not with the baby and not with so many other things happening at once. The shower was next weekend, my mother had set up shopping days for baby room stuff, and I was flying back home to Millington to help arrange things for Sash's arrival before I'd fly back here on time to take her back over. We were two months away from being parents and the bickering and drama was getting in the way of enjoying each other. Enjoying anticipating parenthood... I barely got to feel my baby kick in fear of ruining out no-touch agreement.

Why did I ever agree on that? I was a man, I had needs; needs that I only wanted met by Sash, and even though she'd never admit it, Sash had needs for me. Maybe we'd both be a lot more relaxed if we were being taken care of; if we had that bit of intimacy. It was the only time I felt like I had Sash completely open; it was the only time I felt like Sash let down her iron guard and let me know how much I pleased her, how much she wanted me around, and how good it felt to know each other so well and so fully.

I was aching to have that wholeness and that sincerity between us. Sash was so covered up behind this pregnancy, blaming the baby for everything. Blaming the baby for tears she needed to shed and for avoiding sex with me and for overindulging in chocolate cake...Granted, the excessive food intake might've been the baby's fault, but other things weren't. She was an emotional person, she just choose anger and stubbornness as her primary emotions and expressions.

I was now standing at the bottom of the steps, debating. A large chunk of me wanted to go up there and apologize profusely, telling her I was stupid and needed to never bring up marriage again, just so she wouldn't be mad. Another part wanted nothing more than to grab my keys and drive away to leave her suffering.

I was walking up the stairs, slowly. I felt like a weakling as I trailed up the hall, prepared to knock. I sighed outside the door, trying to knob first. Surprisingly, it was open. I slowly crept into her bedroom, lit up by her beside table lamp. I glanced at the bed and Sash was nowhere to be found, but as I moved in further and diverted my eyes, I spotted her in front of her bureau, looking at me through the mirror as I slowly moved up behind her. I caught her eyes, taking in her tear stained cheeks as she sniffled, glancing down at the dresser she was slightly leaning on.

I hated this. I hated not knowing what to say. "Hey," I mumbled, feeling like a dumbass the second it left my mouth. I was shocked to see the a slight resemblance of a smile curling up the corner of Sash's lips as she drew in a deep breath.

"Hey," she croaked out, her tears starting fresh again as she shook her head at herself. I hated that crying disappointed her so much. I hated that I disappointed her so much she cried. "I don't know why I'm crying," Sash said, as if she heard my thoughts and were countering them. "I'm sorry." I was oddly relaxed by the impromptu apology. Her admittance of wrongdoing was rare, to say the least. I tried to keep my face composed, but Sash snorted a humorousless laugh, telling me she knew I wasn't expecting that.

I hesitated. "For...what?" I asked, trying to sound a bit indifferent. Sash turned slowly around to face me and my eyes flickered towards her baby bump, a part of me not believing it. A part of me not sure something could really be growing in her that I helped to create. Another part of me just not wanting to see her tear-stained cheeks gleaming at me for a moment.

"You caught me off guard the other day," Sash explained, wiping her tears away, but still not looking at me directly, her eyes always flittering. Her discomfort made it even harder. I felt my punk ass apology ready to come up my throat like vomit, but I pushed it down. Sweeping shit under the rug wouldn't get us far; we knew that too well at this point. I nodded for her to continue and she sniffled before speaking. "I didn't know what to say...I mean...that's a big question to ask, even if you're not really asking..." I felt myself getting annoyed by her confusion. What was there to know to say? How could she not know what she at least wanted or thought about in passing? I wasn't asking for a full commitment to the marriage idea, I was just curious.

I bit my lip though to hold back my tantrum. I knew Sash; admitting wrongdoing was no easy task and I should be basking in this victory, but something in my chest wouldn't settle with it.

"Sash...It was random, I know. We never discussed marriage or anything, but you seriously stared at me until I felt so stupid I had to leave the room," I took a breath because I felt myself getting worked up again, but not with anger. I felt... rejected. Hurt. Unwanted. It was weird. I was so sure that she loved me, but I was back at the place where I felt I was investing too much while she was putting in just enough.

"I know, I know," Sash sighed, turning back to her bureau. She shook her head again, rubbing her baby bump. "I just...I dunno, Justin...The last time I wanted to marry somebody he was bangin' my best friend like it was nobody's business -" I couldn't hold down the frustrated growl in my throat. Here we go again! I thought, not wanting to relive her nightmare because she couldn't let him go.

"I'm not Angel, Sash," I said forcefully, tossing my hands up in the air because I didn't know how many times I could defend myself. Once Angel was mentioned, Jessica was sure to follow. I was sorry for that. I was irrevocably sorry for hurting her in such a way and I would never fully forgive myself for scarring her again, but I was here. I was on the other side of my country, staying in an apartment, abandoning my family and my work to prove to her this was my first priority. I was jerking off to memories with her like a twelve year old boy because she refused to let me touch her. I was constantly subjecting myself to verbal abuse during every argument we've had, letting her guilt trip me into oblivion over something as little as me forgetting to put honey mustard and mayo on her turkey sandwich when I brought her lunch at work because that's what 'the baby wants'. I was taking in all her crazy and feeling bad about myself and reading so many baby books that I could name every vitamin, sorted by level of importance, that's essential for a nutritious formula.

"I know you aren't," Sash said softly, "But you're still you. You still fucked up, Justin. You fucked up and I kept you around and you want to marry me and that...that's crazy. It's crazy you're even standing here having this conversation with me. It's crazy that I can't see anybody past you and that shit is...scary. It's stupid...and scary." I got what she was saying. It was a miracle that she kept me around. If it weren't for this child bringing us together again, I don't know where I'd be; where we'd be. I'd probably be in LA, sending her flowers and apologies everyday as I bury myself in work and go on tour around the world hoping to see her in the front row at any show even though I'd know better. I'd probably party and drink and end up in tabloids looking like an ass hat, embarrassing myself, trying to forget her. I'd be completely depressed and alone and sobbing to myself because I was a pathetic, hopeless, loser...

Life without Sash didn't look too promising. What we have now compared to what we could've had makes this moment golden. It makes fighting with her a treat because at least she was around to fight with.

But I didn't want to fight. I didn't want her crying. I didn't want her being scared of telling me, Yes, I want to marry you. I didn't want her holding onto my mistakes when we were suppose to be moving forward.

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain

"Sash, I love you. I don't know how many ways to show it and tell you that. I want to marry you. I want to raise our child together and I want to move on from the bullshit -"

"And I don't?" Sash cut in, looking over her shoulder at me, her eyes gleaming with a bit of anger. She was frustrated, but I wasn't understanding. If she wanted it, she could have it. It was her call.

"I dunno what you want," I said, shrugging. "I'm right here. If you want us and you want me, then I'm right here," I stressed, placing my hand over my heart with the deepest of sincerity lacing my words, "I am going to be here as long as you'll have me; as long as she'll have me..." I glanced down, even though I couldn't see her belly from this angle. I just wanted to get my point across. Sash's eyes softened. I saw she was scared. Scared of me.

And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace

Fuck I was scared. Justin was giving me those got damn googily eyes. That wasn't fair. His words weren't fair. He was suppose to leave; slam the door and go, but he was in my room, promising me forever. I wanted it. I wanted it so bad my baby kicked, probably pissed off that my heartbeat was pounding in her newly developed ears. Justin would've loved to had felt that kick. She didn't do it often. At first I was worried she wouldn't do it at all. She kicked hard enough for Justin to feel the first night he had stayed over. It was just one kick, a swift one to the right side of my belly where his hand had happened to be placed. He was so excited that he fell asleep with his hand glued to that spot hoping for another love tap.

I was starting to see a pattern. She kicked for Justin related things. She kicked when he gave me a foot massage the other night; she kicked when he placed headphones over my belly, playing some NERD so she'd grow up to be a 'cool kid', as Justin called it. She kicked almost the whole night that he asked if I would marry him... God, she was such a little traitor already and she hasn't even met the man himself. A daddy's girl. That was an option I never even had growing up. I wanted her to have that. I wanted her to not get upset when those father-daughter dances came up at school and she couldn't go. I wanted her to be able to scare all her dates away with the appearance of father answering the door. I wanted her to have every father-daughter moment possible, including him walking her up the aisle to give her away when it was time for her to get married...

I wouldn't have that at my wedding. I didn't have a lot of what my daughter would have since Justin is sticking through this with me. That weighed heavy on my heart. It made it that much easier to want to be with him, but it scared me that much more. I wasn't the only one depending on this relationship; my daughter was too. That was a lot to put on a man and I wasn't raised to trust that a man could handle that much pressure. Granted, I knew Justin. I felt the love he had for me and our child even when he was away. I saw it in his eyes and I felt it whenever I wasn't looking, but he had his gaze on me; watching how I moved and jumping if I looked like I was losing my balance. He laughed at me for being cautious, but I think he was the worst one.

"Sash, I don't want to do this anymore," Justin's voice broke out suddenly. I knew it would. I was thinking too much and being too quiet. Justin was as impatient as I could be. "It's obvious that you're just scared right now, but you want this because you do trust me. You trust that I'll be a good father and you trust that I love you...And, yes, Sash, I do want to marry you one day. I can't help those feelings." I was staring at the plain cotton of his shirt, wondering what the hell I was suppose to say. My heart was eating that shit up. My body was twisting into nervous knots. I felt the words rising up my throat; my inhibitions tried to force them down.

"I don't want to do this anymore either," I said softly, words I decided not to think about, "I don't want to get married today or tomorrow or even like a year from now...That's a big step. I need time for that -"

"I'll give you time," Justin said, taking a slight step forward. I pretended not to notice when I glanced over his face; his stumbled jaw relaxed.

"But..." I went to continue, but the words felt weird on my tongue, "I mean...I would like to...get married...one day....Especially for Sash Junior..." Justin's face softened into a small smile that made my heart flutter oddly. I couldn't lie. It felt good that the thought of marrying me made him so...happy. Part of me still didn't understand why, of all the people in the world, why would he want to spend forever with me? There were times when Bob wanted a divorce, but Justin looked like I was offering him something grand.

"Thank you for saying that," Justin said, his smile fading as he became serious again, "But there's one more thing." I searched his eyes, but nothing in them made sense. He didn't look angry or upset...He looked...nervous?

I clammed up at that feeling. Justin being nervous could mean guilt... I instantly thought of him going to LA. What had happened? Was Jessica there? Was it the voicemail girl he used to know? "What?" I asked, almost asking what he had done, but Justin's face turned alarmed when he caught anxiousness in my tone.

"Oh, no, baby, nothing's wrong," he assured, taking another step forward to close in on me. His hand gently rubbed down my arm. My skin prickled all over. "This is what I'm talking about." I was confused.

"What is it?" I asked. His eyes shifted to a darker navy-gray combination that I didn't understand at all. He glanced down between us just as I felt his other hand sliding underneath my tank, over my baby belly. Another shiver up my spin as he pushed aside the material, just looking down at my exposed skin. I grew self-conscious and gently moved his hand to pull my tank back down. "What are you doing?" I asked, not understanding the staring and the exposure. Justin licked his lips and shrugged, finally looking back up at me.

"I wanted to see you," he said softly. I felt myself getting annoyed.

"I'm right here," I said, gesturing toward myself.

"I kinda meant without all this," he tried again, tugging at my tank. I looked away from him the moment I caught onto that look in his eyes - the shift in the color. It had been so long since I had allowed that look that I almost forgot what it looked like. I felt rigidity in my bones as I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling naked already.

"No," I said firmly, shaking my head, "That's gross. I already told you that."

"What's gross?" Justin mocked, "The fact that I think you're beautiful? The fact that I want to please you-"

"You want to please yourself," I interrupted, getting uncomfortable with the entire situation. With Justin standing this close and my bureau behind me, I felt cornered.

"It's not like that," Justin cooed, rubbing my arm again right before I jerked away like I'd been burned. He sighed heavily. "Sash, you're as sexy now as you were before this child. I wasn't sick when I wanted to touch then and now I'm a perv for wanting you? That doesn't make sense."

"I'm pregnant," I said, not understanding how that isn't weird, "The baby can hear and feel what I'm feeling... I'm not going to traumatize my child so you can get off." Justin had the nerves to chuckle. I glared at him, unfortunately letting my eyes get caught up in his.

"Sash, the baby is going to thank me for making you feel what I can make you feel. Maybe then she'll be able to relax. Maybe she'll feel happy that you and I are happy together... Hmm? You don't always have to negate things, ya know."

"And you don't always have to sexualize things," I shot back. Justin struggled for words for a moment before finally speaking.

"Look... it's not just about sex," he began, making me roll my eyes. "Seriously, I'm curious... I want to know what you look like." I was immediately repulsed by the idea, but Justin seemed genuinely curious.

"Why?" I asked, "I've wider and stretched out and just...huge," I griped, regretting it instantly because Justin was giving me a look. I waved it all off, literally waving my hand, "Nevermind."

"Sash," Justin called when I turned away again, leaning against the bureau silently to ease the tension of standing. I didn't look at him. "You're having a baby. Gaining weight is a good thing. My baby's getting fed and is warm and safe... Even if you are just eating Paydays and Snickers, it's good and the baby obviously loves it." I could tell he actually thought that was funny, but I was even more aware of my poor eating habits, which made me feel that much worse about myself.

"This is not helping," I mumbled, wanting nothing more than for him to drop it.

"Maybe that wasn't the right way to put it..." Justin grimaced. "What I meant to say is that your body is changing because of our child. I don't think that's gross or nasty or whatever other bullshit words you're using... I think it's amazing and unbelievable and astounding..." I still felt sick about it. Justin had no idea how much I hated the way I was changing. I was never a fan of nudity and to be nude and barely capable of moving, leaving him to do most the work, was an unappealing sexual prospect.

"No," I said softly, feeling uglier than usual. He wouldn't stop staring at me. I felt it burning a hole in my face. I was about to ask him to back up when I felt his hands on my hips. I instinctively grabbed both his wrists. I had the intention of pushing his hands away, but I ended up relishing in the warmth of his skin. A wave of energy rushed through me, making me hold his wrists tighter. Justin placed a feather kiss against my cheek. The spot warmed my entire face. "No," I said again, feeling myself falling apart when he massaged my waist, ignoring me.

"So beautiful," he whispered gently and I wasn't sure if I was suppose to hear that as he kissed down my jaw, making me lift my head to give him a clearer view of my neck as he moved down. I would just let him have this. He could kiss my neck because that hasn't changed like the rest of my body, so I could allow myself that much. Nothing more.

The more I told myself that, the more he kissed my skin. Over my collarbones and down my throat, everywhere. I was heated beyond expectations; my neglected skin now bathing in the sweetness of his lips. I held back the urgency to touch him. I left my hands firmly wrapped around his wrists. He took notice of my lack of reciprocation, pulling his hands from my waist to grab my wrists so quickly I didn't have time to move.

"It's okay," he said gently, brushing his lips against my ear while placing my hands against his chest. I stubbornly balled them up into fists, closing my eyes as ripples of electricity kept running through me. He was so warm and strong. Even under my fists, I could feel him. I felt myself falling apart at the seams.

Just one touch, I told myself, letting the feel of Justin's lips against my jaw soften me. Just one smooth touch, I said as flattened my palms against his chest, sliding them over his pecks and abs. I heard him sigh, his body seeming to relax against my hands as I smoothed my way back up his chest to hear him sigh again. Justin's arms were around my waist, hugging me as he continued to kiss along my neck. I slid my arms around his shoulders and the unmistakable kick of Sash Junior felt like she was trying to bruise my ribs. I jumped a little and Justin instantly gave me space. "What?" he asked as I reached down to rub my side. That shit actually hurt.

"Your child just kicked my ass," I said, smiling softly as Justin laughed. I watched as he gently moved my hand from my side to replace it with him own, massaging the area. I watched how careful he was and felt how light his touch moved across my taunt skin. I knew what he was saying now - this wasn't just sex. Just hugging him was orgasmic. Even the baby felt that energy.

But despite that revelation, when Justin suddenly kneeled in front of me, pushing my tank up to expose my full belly, my face flared. He was so close to my skin. He was kissing my hip, right over all the stretch marks. I was literally cringing. I didn't push away though, afraid that maybe he hadn't noticed and my jumpiness would suddenly make it obvious to him. I just gnawed on my bottom lip as he moved across my belly in all directions, even resting his ear against me to listen to her. I felt her stir a little. I wondered if she really knew it was him, if she felt that love radiating through my belly button as Justin skimmed his soft lips over the area.

I enjoyed the affection as much as she did, bringing my hands to caress his head as he placed a kiss on my other hip bone, having made his way across my baby bump. Justin stood then, his eyes on mine as if to say 'see, it doesn't matter', but I still felt that nervous jolt when he leant down and pressed his lips against mine. There was no denying the pleasure that came with just his lips on mine. I found myself whimpering at the moment of contact. Justin pressed against my lips harder, groaning as I hugged him closer. The kiss deepened. We seemed to have both slipped our tongues out synonymously, wanting to express that buried passion. Seven months. It had been seven months since sex and I felt that need overpowering me now as Justin pulled back from our kiss to yank my top over my head.

My shyness took over when he took in my breasts, engorged by the pregnancy and instantly exposed. I wished I had worn a bra to slow it down and ease myself into the nudity. Justin was too busy licking his lips to see my discomfort, so I moved up to kiss him to break the tension. Justin's hands instantly latched onto my breasts, gently tweaking my tender nipples, making me tremble. I hadn't taken much notice to the sensitivity of my chest. Maybe it was the baby or maybe it was the months of no contact, but when Justin dipped his head and ran his tongue over my nipple, I almost came.

I decided a light moan was more appropriate as he moved freely, tugging at my flesh with his tongue and teeth. The pulse between my legs was overpowering me. I didn't want to wait and Justin had too many pieces of clothing on for this to be fair. I had missed his body too. I missed knowing where every freckle laid and how his skin tasted. I wanted to feel his chest on mine and welcome his weight on me...I just didn't know how to get that weight on me without the baby being squished. We couldn't throw down carelessly anymore. No tossing me around or lightly tackling him to the bed.

"How are we doing this?" I sighed as Justin kissed along my throat now, his hands still keeping my breasts hostage.

"What?" he asked, disinterested really. I cupped his cheek in my hand and pulled his face from my neck to look him in the eyes.

"I don't want to hurt the baby," I said softly, feeling myself getting shy. All I could think about were the ways his hands were skimming down my breasts and over my stomach as he looked at me; perfectly content with this.

"We won't," he assured, turning his face toward my palm, kissing the skin there before moving along the length of my arm, and just like that, I was fine. I let him kiss me wherever he wanted and I didn't argue when he took my hand and sat me on the bed. He took that moment to strip himself down to his boxer briefs and a part of me was still surprised to see a bulge in front of him. I was so afraid this was turning into something like pity - like he just wanted me to feel better about myself and was suffering through this. I wanted to mute that voice in my head, but it had grown strong and loud over the course of this pregnancy.

"Are you okay?" Justin asked me, snapping me out of my daze as he leaned down to kiss the corner of my mouth. I nodded, glancing to where he placed his hand against my knee. "Lay down, baby." Baby, yes, the baby. It weird how I thought of her when he was referring to me that way.

I scooted back and laid down, watching Justin crawl right over me, slowly spreading my legs with his knees. I still had my shorts on, but I realized they would be coming off. I wasn't shaved; hell, I was barely trimmed. I froze when he tugged the cut-off sweats from my hips. I was a bit relieved that he kept my underwear on as he tossed the shorts to the floor before leaning over me. I instinctively shielded my belly with my hands and Justin chuckled.

"Don't squish me," I warned. Justin or no Justin, my motherly instincts were in full gear. He disregarded my defensiveness; gently removing my hands to pin them above my head.

"Relax, Sash," he whispered against my ear, nipping at my lobe. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. He wouldn't hurt me purposely, but I still shook when I felt his chest lining on mine light, his abs brushing against my bump as he glanced down between us. I looked at him as he turned his attention back to me, his skin on my skin, and his breath against my face. I was waiting for him to tell me it felt weird and that he could feel the baby moving and it grossed him out.

But he smiled, laughing lightly. "Wow.." he sighed, "That's different." I didn't know how to take that.

"Different as in gross?" I asked quietly and Justin scoffed.

"Are you going to say dumb shit like that the whole time?" he asked, raising a brow. I felt myself ready to argue, but I was, in fact, ruining the moment. Relax, I chanted internally, relax.

"No," I answered because he was staring at me like I was supposed to.

"Good," he simply replied, leaning down to kiss my jaw and down my neck and through the valley of my breasts. Lower and lower until he kissed the underside of my baby bump, causing a nervous chill when his face disappeared behind it. I could only see the top of his head and feel his lips kissing against me through my underwear. My body jerked involuntarily and Justin soothingly rubbed his hands down my hips and over my thighs before boldly nipping at me through the thin material of my panties.

A deep rumbling in my throat surprised me, much like my body's response to his teasing. My hips rolled against his face without my permission and Justin's muffled grunt from between my legs sounded as he yanked my underwear down. He didn't give me time to get self-conscious. He spread me with his hands and ravished my sensitive flesh with his tongue. I was moaning like a damn fool, wishing more than anything that I could see him better, not that I had my eyes open long enough to do so.

The feel of his tongue against my clit brought me back to high school; back to the first time ever. I didn't know what to hold onto and how to keep quiet. The moans and whimpers kept flowing from me as his tongue and teeth continued sloshing around, tasting me. My whole body flamed when he hummed against me as he suddenly slipped a finger through me and then another. I felt myself stretching out against his fingers and I knew it had been too long. I wanted to slap myself for passing up on this.

Justin was relentless with his attack and I was weak. I felt myself convulsing within minutes and I shamelessly called out to him, seeing nothing, but feeling everything as I finally came. I gasped at the intensity, feeling Justin pinning my hips to the bed as I started to come back down. I was breathless as Justin buried his face in my neck, telling me how sexy I was.

I rubbed my hands all over his back and down his abs, feeling his skin as we kissed. There was so much I wanted to do to him, especially as I tasted myself on his lips. I wanted to return the favor and have him calling out to me, but I was still so stiff in this body. I didn't know how to navigate it. I felt like I was in a body suit that was the opposite of who I was. It was uncomfortable.

Justin didn't seem to notice, or rather, he didn't care. He kissed me like he normally would and though he was cautious enough to slip most his weight onto the mattress, laying sideways to rub down my body and kiss me still, it didn't feel forced. He didn't make it awkward, I just noticed it for myself.

I started to relax as he rubbed over my chest and down my stomach, soothing me. It was the same man, I told myself. He's seen me naked on more than one occasion. He's touched my body in more than one way. Even with the baby, it wouldn't be different. I only felt more loved because of how sweetly he was treating me - how patient.

My emotions only heated my body further as I rubbed down his stomach, slightly in awe of the groves. His soft, warm skin was smooth against my finger tips as I shyly skimmed his abdomen. He moaned against my lips, deepening the kisses we were still sharing. We barely paused to breathe. It felt like it had been so long since the feel of his mouth and the caressing of his skin. My hands further trailed down, finding the prominent bulge in his boxer briefs. He groaned loudly when I cupped him in my hand, forcing our kisses to falter. I felt my body heat up even more from his reaction to my simple touch.

"Wait, baby," Justin said, removing my hand from him.

"What?" I asked, my nails gently scratching below his navel.

"Don't worry about me," he said gently, cupping my cheek, "I just want you to get comfortable doing this again."

"But I want to..." I said, and Justin smirked, making me want to smack him for being so annoyingly cocky.

"Oh, so now you want to?" he said, brushing our noses, "I thought it was gross."

"Shut up," I said, kissing him quickly, "I feel better about it now." Justin hummed thoughtfully against my lips, planting soft, wet kisses down my jaw. His stubbly face lightly scratched my throat as he nuzzled into my neck. I hugged him to me, feeling the muscles of his back flex as he held up his weight from me. I wanted him to give me a reason to dig my nails into those muscles.

"Justin..." I said right as his tongue smoothed over my collarbone. I gently ran my fingers through his hair, shivering at the sensation. "Jay, I'm ready now."

I thought he was taking this into consideration when he kissed his way up my neck, whispering in my ear. "You ready?" I don't think I'd ever get used to his closeness.

"Yes," I said, no hesitation. I braced myself when his hand ran up my thigh, bending my knee up before smoothing back down. His calloused fingers brushed against my still sensitive clit and I hitched my breathing, closing my eyes as he circled around me. There was mixture of pain and a great deal of pleasure in this, but I was wet as is and I wanted him inside. "Jay..." I felt his fingers shift, opting to slid into me slowly, first two and then he slowly maneuvered a third in the tight space. I groaned and arched my hips into his hand as he pressed deeper into me.

"You're so tight..." Justin mumbled, more to himself than me and I fluttered my eyes open to watch him watching me. I bit my bottom lip sheepishly, having to flutter my eyes close a second later when he moved his fingers quicker into me. I was choking on my moans, my body bursting with spurts of heated jolts. I felt the curve of his fingers and the shock that came with the flicks of his fingertips against my spot. I moaned out his name over and over as he stroked me, feeling my whole body convulse from all angles.

I tried to fight, hold back the rapid fire flooding my veins, but it was unstoppable. All I could do was cling to Justin blindly, letting myself go as Justin told me I was beautiful. He sounded close, but far as I shook in his arms. My whole fell limp against the bed, still relishing in the aftershocks as Justin slowly removed his fingers from my tiring body, making me whimper at the loss. He shifted on the mattress, but my eyes were still closed. I could feel his light kisses against my belly before he worked his way up to my chest and then finally my lips.

I kissed him back softly, opening my eyes a moment later, but it was pointless. My eyelids suddenly felt weighed down by exhaustion. I was fighting to stay awake because Justin had gotten nothing.

"Just close your eyes, Sash," Justin smiled at me and I went to protest, but he leant over me, closing my eyes with soft kisses to my lids. "Not tonight, baby. Not tonight." I moaned, my body telling me the same thing as I furthered relaxed against the mattress.

"I'm sorry," I said, yawning. Justin chuckled and I felt his thumb move against my cheek.

"It's okay," he said, "Just sleep, baby; just sleep." It didn't take anymore convincing. I was already asleep.