I was a coward and I knew it, but I had to hide in order to stand my ground. I felt like fugitive the way I was ducking and weaving to avoid Justin. After yesterday's very brief discussion on what I was not going to do - take him back, I snuck out to work at eight in the morning, completely ignoring the brown paper bag lunch Justin had somehow packed for me during the night. It was a chicken sandwich, some sliced fruit, and a yogurt, organized with a spoon and napkins. It was adorable and it took everything in me to slam the fridge shut and avoid looking at his sleeping figure on the couch as I crept out of the door. I stayed at work until eight that night, grabbed some Wendy's on Broad and then snuck up to my room so I wouldn't have to go into the kitchen he was in at the time to get a bite to eat. Despite my breeze like speed, he still called out to say hello to me, but I ignored him and went to bed, locking the door behind me.

Today has proven to be much more difficult. I had begged Clare for an early shift, but she told me one o'clock in the afternoon was when she needed me and if I wanted to wandering around the hospital until then and lose a good amount of sleep, it would be my own choice. I wanted to smack her for being so freaking mean. She knew damn well I was trying to sneak out while Justin slept so I wouldn't have to see him or hide out in my room for hours, but I guess that's why she was doing it. Clare was hell bent on me taking him back now that he was here and I felt betrayed. So much for chicks before dicks. Isn't that how the saying goes? Was she not suppose to be on my side? This is why I didn't have friends. They always ended up being shitty.

I pouted as I rolled over in bed and read the clock. It was almost half past ten and my stomach was growling. I had been awake for an hour now and I knew that I would starve if I didn't get up. I should just get some breakfast at Dunkin Donuts, but I honestly didn't have all the extra money to throw away on fast food when I could eat at home for free. I sighed. Now or never was where I stood now. I would have to face him eventually. This was my house and he was the guest. I shouldn't have to hide. Besides, it was day two. If he looked better, he could leave. Be gone and out of my hair for a while so I could regain some of my strength and be able to resist him further.

Yes, I would check his face and tell him to leave if he looked well enough. There was no point in prolonging his stay. He knew I wanted him to go. Well, I needed him to go more like it. It certainly wasn't a matter of wants. If it were what I wanted, I'd be downstairs, eating breakfast with him while I got some morning kisses from his sweet lips...

But this wasn't about what I wanted, I reminded myself as I sat up in my bed and yawned. I ignored the smell of bacon in the air as I stood and walked to the door, swinging it wide open. Now I could smell peppers and onions too. My stomach turned over and growled again, fierce and starving. I placed my hand over my tummy and frowned. The damn thing wouldn't shut up as I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Even as I decended the stairs and walked towards my kitchen it grumbled. I paused at the entry way. Justin's back was to me as he danced to music playing from and Ipod clipped to his waist as he flipped over what I assumed was an omlet. The table was covered in plates of toast, bacon, grits, and there were cups and a bottle of my Tropicana orange juice. It looked good. He did say that breakfast was the only thing he was good at. I smirked a little at the memory.

"Well, hello." My smile fell, little as it was, from my face as his voice resounded in my ears. I forced myself to look up as he removed the earphones from his ears and smiled at me. He looked amazingly better. The swelling was gone and his cheeks were just a bit too rosy, still healing, but not nearly as noticable as before. I guess the prescriptions were working. Great.

"You look a lot better," I said, "I'm glad. You can book your hotel now." Justin's smile was now the one to fall as my words hit him. He wrapped up the cord of his earphones around his Ipod before sticking everything into his sweat pants pockets.

"Sash, can we ease up on the whole 'I hate you' thing for just a little bit?" he asked, "I made you some breakfast and we can just eat in peace and be civilized with one another."

"I am being quite civilized," I argued, "I didn't kick you out. I let you stay here until you felt better and you do feel better, so you can keep your end of the bargain and head on out. That's what civilized people do. They follow through on their agreements."

"Firstly, I never agreed to do anything," he said, "Secondly, I don't feel better at all. I happen to feel like shit."

"Well at least you know how it feels," I mumbled, walking over to grab a cup from the table.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Justin asked as I poured myself some juice. I rolled my eyes.

"You know exactly what it means," I shot back, taking a sip of the cold liquid. My stomach had calmed down a bit.

"Sash, I get it, you're hurt and you're mad and you have every right to be," he said as I continued to drink, "I'm not telling you to forgive me right now, but you gotta at least give me something to go on with. You're completely shutting me out here."

"Justin, don't tell me what to give you, okay?" I snapped, "You don't know how lucky you are that I didn't just leave you crying on the sidewalk the other night. I should've sprayed you some more once I saw it was you."

"You don't even mean that," he said dismissively. I wanted to slap him for being so intune with the way I really felt.

"Why are you so sure about that?" I challenged.

"If you wanted to spray me some more, you would've done it," he said simply, "You don't talk shit or hesistant when you really want something, with the exception of men." I glared at him for the last part and he fought a smile from forming on his stupid face.

"What I really want is to slap you," I retorted. He actually walked closer to me and leaned down.

"Then do it," he challenged, smirking as he gently tapped his cheek to tease me. I stared at the side of his face for a moment, my hand just itching to come in contact with his. I should. He deserved it, but when I even thought hard enough about it, I felt my arms stay glued to my sides, fighting against my primal urge to whoop his ass. I growled in frustration and shoved his head out of my face as I walked around toward the sink.

"You need to be out by the time I get in from work," I announced, tossing the glass of juice in my hands down the drain before quickly rinsing it.

"Oh, so you can't slap me, but you can kick me out?" Justin snorted a laugh, "You're a chicken shit, Sash. You can't even be around when I leave because you don't want to see me go." True, I thought as I dried my hands on a kitchen towel and turned to face him. He looked smug and I hated it. Why was he making fun of my feelings? He knew how hard it was for me to act like I didn't care. He knew I was hurting just from the sight of him, and here he was, pointing it out like it was some sad joke.

"I can't be around when you leave because I have a job that has a real schedule and I need to be there when they tell me to be. I can't run around wherever and whenever I want like some people. So, if you will do the honors of kicking yourself out, I'd appreciate it." I tossed the towel on the counter top. "And clean this mess up before you leave."

"If I leave, I'm not coming back again," he threatened and my chest tightened. "I know I'm a bit wrong here, but I can only apologize so many times. I can only make it up to you if you let me, so I won't waste my time if you're just going to push me away."

"First off, you're not a bit wrong, you're completely wrong. Secondly, how many times did you actually apologize? Once? Maybe twice? You just randomly showed up at my door the moment you and your precious girlfriend broke up. Not only that, but you had the nerve to assume you'd have a warm bed to sleep in since you didn't even bother booking a hotel," I ranted, "Do you know how insulting that is? Did you honestly think I'd go 'I love you too!' and we'd live happily ever after?" For the first time this morning, his smug little face didn't look so smug anymore and I sighed and rolled my eyes after a moment of silence. "That's what I thought." I huffed as I turned to walk out of the kitchen. I could hear Justin following me.

"Sash, wait," he called, like I actually would, "I didn't even look at it like that, I swear. I just... I don't know! I didn't think about it. I just knew that you loved me and I love you, so...yeah. I just kinda went on with the idea of happily ever after. All I can think about is being happy when I think of you, so..." I stopped walking at the foot of the stairs, his words hitting me like bricks as he stopped walking behind me as well. My stomach knotted up as I felt his warm body lining my backside. His arms wrapped around my waist as I stared at my steps and let tears fall from my eyes.

"I hate you..." I whispered as my tears flooded my eyes. I hated being this weak.

"You don't mean that," he said, turning me slowly to face him. "You don't mean that..."

"I wish I did," I said, avoiding his eyes and staring at his lips instead. "I wish I could hate you." My tears wouldn't stop, blurring my vision until I blinked and he wiped them away.

"I know and I'm sorry, Sash," he told me, "I'm sorry a million times over. I wish I could take it all back and do it the right way."

"You can't," I said, looking him in the eyes for the first time. They were so sad that I almost asked if he was okay. He looked like he would cry any moment now.

"I know and I'm sorry," he whispered to me over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." He moved his face closer to mine, holding my gaze until he glanced down at my lips. I didn't move when he lined his small pink mouth with mine. He brushed them together lightly and spoke against them. "I love you, baby. All I see is you...All I need is you..." My heart took those words deeply. My whole body felt strangely unfamiliar as his hands rested on the small of my back and the back of my neck. His mouth pressed down on mine in slow and languid kiss. I was still crying silent tears and tasted the salt of them as they mingled with our kisses. I was so sad for giving in and so sad for knowing that my hopes were going so high up, just to be disappointed in the end.

That didn't stop me from kissing him or moaning softly when his tongue slipped into my mouth. I wanted him and my body was sighing in relief as he moved his hands to my sides and ran them up and down, warming me, but making my spine tremble. I gasped lightly as we finally pulled away for air. Justin took my hand and guided me upstairs. He kissed me lightly at the door before leading me into my room completely. The kisses started again as my hands finally moved and rested against the back of his neck and the side of his face. I held his face down to mine as our tongues worked on each other's. I felt his hands grab hold of my breasts through my tank top. I was grateful for not wearing a bra to sleep, feeling his warmth through the thin material.

I pulled away to breathe and Justin moved down to my neck, kissing and licking my skin. I panted as he moved upward and licked the spot behind my ear as his large hands continued to massage my breasts. I could already feel myself pulsating and getting moist. My panties were done for when my hands left his neck and slid down his body slowly towards the elastic ban of his sweats, making him moan unexpectantly as my nails grazed his harden nipples. There was nothing like the sounds he made. I found his mouth again as my hands undid the drawstring of his pants and yanked them halfway down as he stepped out of them.

I reached out for the large bulge in his grey boxer briefs and wrapped my hands around it through the material. He sighed and fumbled in his kisses as I gave him a firm stroke. I smirked a bit, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth as I continued to move along his erection with both my hands. He was panting and enjoying it, but he grabbed my wrists, holding them at my sides. I was confused, but his kisses made me forget. His hands released my wrists and gripped my hips as we fell back against the bed. I couldn't breathe with both his weight and his kisses on me, but a part of me didn't want to anyway, not if it meant him being away from any part of my body.

He was yanking down my shorts and underwear, all the way down to my ankles he went, leaving my body cold for a moment, but lining himself right back on top of me once he tossed my clothes somewhere on the floor. The moment away from his body had caused my mind to race momentarily, suddenly aware of what was going on. This is exactly what I didn't need to be doing. Justin mixed with sex was lethal and I knew I'd die from sadness and disappointment when this was all over. I would feel like a cheap whore who gave it up too fast. I'd feel like a welcome mat he could walk all over. He's barely been here two days and I was on my back again, grinding against his leg like a poodle in heat.

Before I could bother complaining, his mouth was on top of mind. He used one arm to support himself, the other he took to his mouth, breaking our kiss to suck on his fingers for a moment before bringing them down to my lower lips. He held my gaze before I had to close my eyes and moan at the slow circles he was making against my clit. He pressed a little harder as I moved my hips against his hand. His kissed me and I moaned into his mouth as his two of his fingers slipped inside of me, long and deep. I felt them curve upward and I cried out as he rammed them into me. I could hear how wet I was as he moved quickly, at just the right speed. He had successfully found my g-spot and I was gripping the shit out of my sheets as I felt the pit of my stomach tighten.

"Damn, baby..." Justin marveled as I moaned and grabbed his hair in my fit of an orgasm. I kissed him before he started downward kisses along my body. My neck, collarbones, breast and stomach...I was still breathing irregularly, anticipating what he was going to do. My thighs were the next parts to fall victim to his sweet kisses. He brushed his lips against the skin and my whole body shivered. He moved a little closer in and it took everything in me not to grab his head and push him forward. He must've sensed my impatience because he reached out with his skilled fingers and spread me open. With a small glance in my direction, he ran his tongue against my clit. I jerked away from his mouth and moaned again, my skin still sensitive from my previous orgasm. He held my waist to keep me from thrashing around on the bed and sucked my clit into his mouth. I cursed and gripped his shoulders. He continued to lap me up and I came again before he he finally endednhis torture and kissed me. Long, passionate, and sweet... His kisses were the essence of the man himself. No wonder I couldn't get tired of them. I could never get tired of Justin, no matter how hard I tried.

Justin pulled away from me to catch his breath, I assumed because my lungs were empty as well. Then I saw the look on his face and the hazy daze of his eyes and knew what was going to happen. I couldn't even stop it, not that I would've tried.

He licked his lips and stared down at me, brushing his hand lightly along my cheek. My heart was pounding because it was anxious. Not for the sex, but for his words. "Sash..." He called me like I wasn't the only one in the room, right underneath him.

"What?" I asked softly like we really had to whisper. He searched my eyes for a moment.

"I don't want you regretting this," he told me, "I don't want this to be a mistake to you." I furrowed my brows. That's not what I was expecting to hear.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, "It's not."

"So you want this?" he asked dumbly and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I want this," I said, annoyed, "I'm half naked underneath you."

"I don't mean the sex," he sighed, "I meant you and I. Do you want this? Us. Together." Yes, I wanted us together... Physically. His penis and my vagina would go hand-in-hand. I knew that he would be pissed if I said that outloud, but I didn't want to answer his stupid question. He was the only man on the planet who would stop to ask about commitments when there was a half naked and soaking wet female grinding up underneath him.

"Justin..." I looked away from him, dropping my hands from where they were draped over his shoulder and waist.

"Is that a no?" he asked, sounding hurt already before I confirmed or denied anything.

"That's a..." I paused to think. "That's an 'I don't know'."

"Well, I don't think that's fair to either of us," he said, rolling off from on top of me. Disappointed was an understatement for how I felt.

"But I want to," I said, sitting up, "I thought you wanted me happy."

"I'm not a hooker, Sash," he said, glaring in my direction, "There's no wam, bam, thank ya ma'am thing going on here. I'm not fucking you and leaving or whatever it is you expect me to do."

"I didn't even say all that," I grumbled, pulling my sheet over my lower half. "It doesn't matter now, I lost it anyway." Justin rolled his eyes this time, probably thinking I didn't see it. I didn't say anything though and neither did he. We sat in silence for a minute or two before I realized the time and decided I needed to shower before work. Before I even got off the bed though, Justin sat up and scooted over to me. I pretended not to care when he started to kiss along my neck and shoulder and ear.

"Don't be mad..." he mumbled through his short kisses and I nudged him away from me.

"Don't start what you won't finish," I shot back and he sighed beside me before I stood from the bed, wrapping the sheet around my body.

"Sash..." he whined, getting up as well and walking around the bed towards me. I glared at him, but he kept on coming. I slapped his hands away as he went to hug me.

"Justin, please," I complained, slapping away more of his lame attempts to hold me. He finally dropped his hands to his sides.

"Fine, I won't hug you, even though you want me to," I rolled my eyes, "But I will tell you that I did the right thing by stopping what was happening and when you go through work and think about it at the end of the day, you'll see what I did and appreciate it."

"Or I'll come to the conclusion that you're gay," I chided, pushing him out of my way so that I could get to my door.

"I got you off before either of us were completely naked. I think that speaks for itself." Touche.

"Whatever," I called out childishly, slamming my door shut behind me as I made my way towards the bathroom. He could be so right sometimes that it irritated my soul. I shook my to myself, wondering how I got in situation in the first place. I'm never, ever helping strange white boys I find in the middle of street. Ever. I don't care how beat up they are. All they did was get you into trouble in the end.

I locked the bathroom and stripped my blanket off of me along with my tank, tossing my clean clothes on top of my closed toilet seat cover. I set the temperature of my shower water before running it and stepping inside. I let the warm liquid wash over me for a moment before finding the Irish Springs soap and lather up my body. My hands headed south and I flinched and hissed a little as I washed my tender flesh. I should've just lied and told him yes, I thought as my unsatisfied body yearned for more than just the taste he gave me.