Deranged Delusions

19. Be a Man

Want to know why I love New York City within an inch of my life? There are two factors.

One, no more Shannon Murphy and…

Two, it ain’t Boston.

But it has its perfectly shitty qualities, too. Justin’s camp has been here for at least three days and we’re still trying to figure out how to get all of his media appearances, rehearsals, and interviews wrapped in a perfect package without over exerting Mr. Pop Star into illness. Which is why I’ve spent my time in New York practically locked up in the Roseland Ballroom trying to get everything squared away for tomorrow night.

Justin’s at some photo call right now, or some conference for the VMAs so I’m not too worried about him. I know his cousin Rachel flew out for the awards so she’s probably catering to all his needs at the moment so I don’t need to wonder every five seconds if he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing. In times of stress, Justin goes into his working mode and doesn’t take care of himself at all. The last thing we need is for him to get sick when his album is set to drop in a little over two weeks.

That wouldn’t be good at all.

“I need you to confirm the A-list for tomorrow night, Danielle,” I instruct one of the girls who works at the venue. I remember her from the night before. She had been standing in the back of the rehearsal hall and was watching Justin do a few sound checks with the band. I had to tap her on the shoulder at least five times to get her attention seeing as she couldn’t keep her eyes off of my boss.

Really, there isn’t much to look at.

Danielle nods and turns around to rush off to whatever crack in the wall she came out of. I’m really not in the mood to handle any sort of miscalculation or problem today seeing as I’m at my wit’s end about making sure this week goes off without a hitch. I’m so into my damn preparations that I haven’t even had time for lunch and I am starving.

But I can’t take off right now. I need to make sure everything goes according to plan and if one little factor strays off, I’ll have to redo everything. And I don’t have time for that at all.

“When did all this shit become so difficult?” I mutter to myself as I rub my temples. I’m starting to feel light headed due to the lack of food in my system and my energy is waning. I know I won’t be able to handle rambunctious Justin once he gets back from all his interviews and he might even be in an extremely sour mood once he gets back and then I’ll have to deal with that.

It’s times like these where I really hate my job.

“Lauren, Marty needs to see you in the green room,” Rob, one of Justin’s backup singers says to me in passing. I’m sure he’s heading towards one of the extra rooms here in the Roseland to practice with the other singers.

I hate talking to Marty because he can’t stand me and I think he’s a pothead who manages to dance well. Hopefully we don’t butt heads this time, but there is rarely a time when we can talk to each other without having some sort of disagreement. I just wish Justin would tell him to lay off the grass because it really just isn’t good for anyone.

I pretty much almost got killed over it.

My head is buried in paperwork and I’m trying to figure out if I should sit Jessica Simpson next to her ex-husband just for my own sick entertainment for tomorrow night when I round the corner and run into something sickeningly solid.

I lose my balance and land flat on my ass, papers going everywhere. My breath is expunged from my body and I’m wondering if I’ve been knocked unconscious because the room is spinning until it becomes an insane blur. Great, this is going to set me back at least fifteen minutes.

I’m thinking I ran into a speaker or something else inanimate but my heart starts to fall when the thing I ran into starts to groan and then laughs. I smile sheepishly and tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear before I make sure the fall hasn’t paralyzed me or bruised my ass.

“Careful there, Dimples,” the voice says, and I can hear the smile in his voice without looking. I slowly hoist myself up to kneel around the papers strewn about the corridor and its then that I look up and notice that a rather strapping man is standing above me, his face shielded by the fluorescent lighting of the glamorous backstage hallway.

“Sorry about that, I’m running a little behind schedule,” I explain hoping that can justify me running into the man. He sounds vaguely familiar but I can’t really quite place who it is seeing as his face is still hidden in shadow.

“No sweat,” he explains before he bends down and picks up the piece of paper I had been looking at prior to our run in, “So I take it you’ll take sick pride in seating Jessica Simpson next to Nick Lachey, huh?”

“Well when you work for Justin you kind of pick up on enjoying sadistic entertainment,” I comment and the man chuckles heartily and for some strange reason unbeknownst to myself, my heart flutters.

I gather the rest of my papers quickly and practically jump up to my feet. I’m interested in seeing who this person is because his voice is so familiar and yet I just can’t place it. It isn’t until I’m standing up straight and looking at this man that I realize who it is.

“I don’t think we’ve been formerly introduced,” he says before he hands over the papers he’s just picked up. “JC Chasez.”

“Lauren, Lauren Walters,” I return and our hands graze fleetingly as he hands me the documents I managed to fumble all over the ground.

“I kinda like Dimples better,” JC adds with a quick wink. See, he knows how to be charming and not come off as a complete ass about it. Justin should be taking notes from his supposed best friend. “So what are you doing besides traveling on a one way ticket to an anxiety attack?”

“I have to make sure Marty isn’t completely suffocating the green room with pot smoke,” I quip and his entire face lights up as he laughs. He is too damn cute and really he has more moxy than Justin has, I mean he knows how to hold a conversation and not make it all about him. Granted I’ve only exchanged like, three sentences with JC, but still I can tell that he’s a good conversationalist.

“Well what are you doing after that?” he questions, “I mean, I’m sorry if this is forward, but you look pale and tired. Look like you could use some food,” he smiles sheepishly and I can’t help but smile in return.

“I’m really busy and I’m not that hungry,” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth because my stomach starts to growl in such a deep and ravenous tone I half expect a lion to come crashing out my belly button. JC grins a knowing smile and for the first time in a long time, I can’t roll my eyes.

“Your stomach says otherwise,” JC remarks, “I was just heading out to grab a quick bite to eat seeing as I probably won’t have a chance to do that until later tonight. I could use the company. You up for it, Dimples?”

I’m apprehensive. I mean I have tons of shit to do here at the venue and I know for a fact that Justin will be coming back once the lunch rush is over and done with in the city. He’ll need me to go over the schedule for the rest of the day and certainly for tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll have to pick up his suit from the tailor’s and I know for a fact that he’ll change his mind about what shoes he’ll want to wear about twenty times and that means I’ll be running around the city for the better part of the evening.

But I am so hungry I could probably out eat a homeless person.

Screw it. My health is more important than Justin’s stupid shoes and celebrity seating arrangements.

“Sure.”

“Rachel, do you know what time I have to be there for the carpet tomorrow?” I ask my cousin lazily as I look outside at the rushing cars and people. This city is always in a hurry and I love that about this place but right now I want people to stop hurrying so I can get back to the venue and rehearse.

“No clue,” Rachel says simply, her face still glued to the window. This is only her like, third or fourth time into the City and she loves it here almost as much as I do. But I’m a little irked that I don’t know what time I have to be ready for the red carpet tomorrow. Lauren would know, but I can’t get through to her at the moment seeing as she isn’t picking up her phone.

And the girl knows that she needs to be available twenty-four-seven this week because of the magnitude of all these appearances. She knows how important they are to me and yet she won’t give me the common courtesy of picking up her phone to let me know what’s going on.

“Got it,” I say stupidly before I diddle around with my Sidekick. I’m at my wit’s end because I need to know my schedule and I’m still upset that Lauren isn’t available right now and…ugh!

Just because she had a near death experience a few days ago doesn’t mean she has to stop doing her job!

“Did you try calling Lauren?” Rachel offers and I shrug with indifference as the car pulls up to the back of the Roseland Ballroom.

“Only like, twenty times. She isn’t picking up her phone and I’m getting pissed,” I mutter to her as I exit the vehicle. We avoid the photographers and manage to get inside the venue without any sort of problems. I still have a major problem – my personal assistant has gone AWOL and it’s pissing the hell out of me!

“Try again,” Rachel says, “Or she might be inside.”

I nod with determination and I rush off down the various hallways, peeking my head in different doors to see if my missing PA can be sought out. I can’t find her anywhere and I’m starting to get even angrier. This isn’t like the last time when I couldn’t find her. Marty wouldn’t send her off to buy his stash of drugs and Shannon is long gone. And come to think of it, I can’t find JC either and he told me he was going to be in the Roseland all day going over his stuff with the band.

What the hell?

I pick up my Sidekick and call her number. I’m prepared to get voicemail again, but my heart picks up when someone picks up the phone. And that someone is laughing like someone just said the funniest fucking thing on the planet.

“Hello?” Lauren gasps into the phone and she snorts loudly through her laughter, which causes the person she’s with to laugh even louder and I don’t need to guess who she’s with anymore.

“Lo-ho, where the fuck are you?”

“Calm down Justin, I’m at lunch,” Lauren responds and I can sense I totally killed the mood of their lunch. Whatever, she needs to be here, doing what I’m paying her to do.

“I didn’t get you in trouble did I?” I can hear JC say in the background. I can almost imagine Lauren shaking her head ‘no’ before she tries to calm me down. Well I’m not going to calm down. I’m mad! Mad, dammit!

“Justin you do realize that I’m not a robot and I have to take time out of my day to make sure I don’t fall over from exhaustion, right?”

“Well you realize that answering my phone calls take like, three damn minutes out of your day, right?” I counter and she sighs with frustration into the phone.

“I’m sorry,” Lauren apologizes with sincerity, “Sorry I didn’t pick up your calls. I was busy.” That was so the wrong thing to say.

“Well un-busy yourself and get back to the venue! Bring JC with you because he needs to work with the band! Honestly!” I bite into the phone before I snap my phone close and stalk off towards the nearest piano. I need to jam out my emotions somewhere other than in my head.

After pounding on the piano for about fifteen minutes, I allow myself to get up and walk around the backstage corridors of the Roseland Ballroom. It’s really a nice space, and I like doing shows here. I don’t like waiting around, though, and I know my bad mood is worsening with each passing moment of waiting for Lauren and JC.

I walk into the green room and my heart flutters for a moment when I notice Lauren sitting on the couch opposite of JC. They’re in the middle of an in depth conversation and I almost hate to interrupt them but I can feel the little green monster rise up in my stomach and before I can question it, I’m clearing my throat loudly.

“Hey, man,” JC says with a huge smile on his face. He looks like a goofy little kid who’s realized Christmas has come early. Lauren has the same exact look on her face and I just want to say a few words to wipe the smiles off their faces.

Jealous much? Yeah, I think I am. Why I don’t know. I mean, it looks like JC and Lauren are hitting it off splendidly and they both deserve to be happy but dammit what about me? I saw Lauren first and now JC is going to move on in there and take her away from me when I’ve been trying so hard to make her see my true feelings?

Okay well maybe I haven’t been trying that hard, but still it’s hard to tell someone you’re pretty much in love with how you feel. Especially when you have an aching feeling that the person isn’t going to reciprocate those feelings.

Sometimes I hate loving her.

I walk further into the room and sit down on one of the easy chairs while Lauren sits up a bit straighter and goes into her professional mode. She’s spitting off figures and dates and times and going a mile a minute as she gets up and hands me different documents that she’s been pouring over for the past few days. I love her work ethic, but I don’t love the look JC is giving her.

And the monster hasn’t stopped growling this whole time.

“Lauren,” I say quickly as I get to my feet and set the papers on the coffee table. I don’t need her in this room right now when all I want to do is grab her and kiss her and tell her everything on my mind but I’m not going to do that in front of JC. Not when he’s looking at her with a strange look on his face and looking over at me with an even more peculiar gaze.

I hate it when I can’t read my friends.

“Yeah?”

“I need you to go find Johnny and talk to him about the Best Buy thing tomorrow, okay?” I instruct her as I start to walk around the room. I don’t notice the boom box sitting in the middle of the floor but I do acknowledge its presence as I stumble forward, arms flailing about as I try to catch my balance.

I reach out and grab the edge of the counter and steady myself. Of course that doesn’t stop me from hearing JC and Lauren erupt in peals of laughter. They sound like a group of fucking hyenas and I just want to hurl the boom box at their faces.

“Look, he’s blushing! I didn’t realize you were capable of that, Justin!” Lauren says between her snorting and laughing. I am going to kill Marty for leaving his shit out like this. I hate being embarrassed and now that my pride is completely bruised, I’m pretty much ready for blood.

“Lauren, just go do the things I’m telling you to do!” I snap and she rolls her eyes while she gathers her things.

“I’ll see you later Dimples,” JC says jovially and Lauren gives him a playful pat on the shoulder.

“But of course, Mr. Sexy.”

What the hell? Mr. Sexy?

“What’s with the nicknames?” I ask out loud before I realize that I’m actually vocalizing this question. “You hang out for an afternoon and you have pet names? Where’s mine?” I ask feeling somewhat hurt.

“But you do have a pet name,” Lauren says sweetly as she pulls out her phone, no doubt to try and track down Johnny, “You know how much I love to call you Timberfuck.”

JC erupts into peals of laughter once again and I can feel a hot blush rise up in my cheeks. Oh I am so not giving her a raise or anything like that. I’m not paying her for the week.

Lauren finally leaves the room and I take a seat in the chair I had been sitting in when she was going over my schedule. I don’t remember any of it now because I can’t help but wonder why the hell her nickname for JC is Mr. Sexy. What the hell were they doing during lunch?

God I don’t even want to think about it.

“She’s a really nice girl,” JC comments before he takes a sip of his water. I nod quietly to myself and continue my brooding before a wonderful and somewhat amazing idea blooms in my mind.

Justin Timberlake, you are a fucking genius.

“Mr. Sexy? Dimples?” I inquire, “What the hell is that? All sorts of retarded if you as me,” I begin casually before I pull the coffee table towards me and prop my feet up.

“And this is coming from the guys who coined the awe inspiring ‘Pinky’ and ‘Stinky’ names,” JC mutters with a hint of laughter in his voice. Oh God, does he have to remind me of that?

“Hey, I was, like, twenty when we came up with that. I’m not a thirty year old man,” I quip and JC slaps his leg out of good humor before he continues to chuckles more to himself than me.

“Look JC, what are your intentions with her?” I blurt out.

“What?”

“Your intentions, with Lauren, what are they?” I restate the question and JC gives me another weird look.

“You okay, man?”

“I’m fine, I just want to know what you’re thinking about doing to my assistant.”

“You have got to be kidding me?” JC says in disbelief as he runs his hands through his hair. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I’m serious.”

“Why do you want to know? I mean, no offense J, but she’s an adult, she can decide who she wants to date…”

“So you’re thinking about dating her?” I ask jumping on his statement.

“Jesus J, what the hell is up with the third degree? Is there something you want to tell me or ask me, or something? I’m a little confused here,” JC says, his expression nothing short of bewilderment.

“No, not really. I mean you have to understand that she’s with me all the time so…”

“Are you insinuating that there’s something going on between the two of you?” JC questions and I smile wickedly at him and shrug my shoulders. “Well she didn’t mention that at lunch…”

“We don’t really talk about it to other people. We have a mutual understanding that we keep it under wraps,” I explain and JC shakes his head and looks down at the floor.

“So what are you two, exactly?” I hate doing this, but it’s the only way to keep JC away from Lauren. I refuse to hear them refer to each other as Dimples and Mr. Sexy. Next thing you know it’ll be Pookie and Snickerdoodle or something equally sickening like that.

“I told you, we keep it under wraps. We aren’t really seeing other people right now. It’s just us two…”

“Really?” JC questions, a furtive smile on his face, “Because it didn’t seem like you two were going out when I asked her out to dinner tonight.”

Shit.

“Um..well, er…” I start trying frantically to think about what I’m going to say. My mind is going on overkill at the moment and I have no idea what to mumble to JC about all of this because I’m too busy retracing my steps to try and give him a response that will possibly throw him off the trail of bullshit I was just feeding him. “You see…”

“You two aren’t seeing each other,” JC says steadily, “Why do you have to lie to me J?”

“Jace, it isn’t like that. I mean, I think it’s great that you’re finding women and stuff but it…it can’t be Lauren.”

“Why?”

“Because,” I start to say, “Because…” Oh God is he really going to make me say it? I don’t think I’ve ever said this out loud…not even to Trace. “I think I…”

“You have feelings for her?” JC asks and I breathe a small sigh of relief, thankful that JC isn’t going to make me say ‘I think I love her.’ I look down at the floor and nod my head. “What kind of feelings?”

“I…Jesus, I don’t know JC. I mean I don’t know what I’m going to do when this whole tour is over because she’s going to leave to work somewhere else and the four months when she was working for Clive was bad enough. But to know I’m probably going to lose her for good this time… I don’t want to lose her…”

“I’m going to be blunt Justin, because you’ve never had her in the first place. You had her under your employment but as for matters of the heart, I don’t think you’ve ever had her. At least, that’s not what I got when I had lunch with her today…”

I think I can feel my heart starting to break. Do I really want to hear this from him?

“You have to show her and tell her what you really feel. Because if you don’t you won’t have the chance to have her. And you won’t get the chance to lose her either.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” I ask him. I am feeling so helpless right now. I don’t know what to do and I feel like shit for lying to JC and I feel even worse because here he is helping me get the girl that I know he probably wants. I mean, I’ve never known JC to ask a girl out on a date upon first meeting. Of course it had to be Lauren. “If you didn’t notice, you’re supposed to be going out with her tonight.”

“Well we can change that,” JC explains with a mischievous smile. “You go in my place, but you have to promise Justin…”

“What?”

“You have to give me your word that you’re going to tell her what you feel tonight. You’re going to tell her everything because if you don’t you’ll probably ruin all your chances of being with her. Do you understand me?”

 I feel like he’s lecturing me right now. I feel like I’m being reprimanded and thrown into a corner, a cage, that I’m going to have to fight my way out of later. I don’t want to tell Lauren, it’s too soon. But then again I’ve been putting aside my feelings for months now and I knew it was going to have to come to a head sooner or later.

Great.

“Justin, do you understand me?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” I mumble under my breath, “But how are you going to get her to go with me?”

“Justin, you forget that we toured with the master of sneaking out. All we have to do is call Chris and he’ll tell us everything and anything we need to know.”

I smile sheepishly and look up at JC with a look I know he sees as the gaze of utmost trust. “Sure thing, Mr. Sexy.”

“Shut up, Timberfuck.”

***