“Wake up! Wake the fuck up!” Ashlee slapped me in the face.

“What the fuck? I’m up. Don’t fucking slap me like that!”

“He took all my money. He took all my fucking money!”

“Who? Slow down,” I sat up and watched her pace around the room. “Relax, what happened?”

She took a deep breath but continued pacing. “I called him to bring me shit. And I didn’t have any money so I gave him my debit and he was supposed to bring it back and he didn’t! He took all my fucking money!”

“You’re an idiot. Really? He’s a fucking drug dealer, you think he’s going to take the hundred you owe him and leave everything else in your account.”

“Yes! Why wouldn’t he? I need to call the cops. I need to get someone to go get him.”

“Would you relax and think about what you’re saying? You’re going to call the cops and tell them your drug dealer that you called to bring you drugs to rehab stole your money?” she doesn’t think, that’s only going to cause more problems.

“Obviously,” she doesn’t get it.

“Star Girl…”

“He took all my fucking money, Justin! I want him dead. HELP! SOMEONE FUCKING HELP!” she screamed, then opened the door and screamed louder. I took a deep breath and lay back down in bed. This is going to be interesting. I’d pack up my stuff since we’re obviously going to get kicked out but they’re only going to rummage through it, once again, so what’s the point?

         “What’s wrong? What’s going on Ashlee?” the counselors asked after running into the room. They looked at me, laying on the bed and calmed down a little; at least no one’s dying.

“He took my shit! He fucking stole all my money! I need the cops, call the fucking cops.”

“Who? Slow down.”

She stopped pacing and took a deep breath before speaking like a normal person, “The guy that was here, is not my brother. He’s my dealer. He took my debit card and all my money. We need the cops. I need the fucking cops!”

It took about three seconds for them to grab both Ashlee and I and go through our shit. “Sit on the bed.” They ordered.

“You’re not listening to me. HE TOOK MY FUCKING MONEY!”

“Where is it? Where is your stash? Where is what he brought you?”

“YOU’RE NOT FUCKING LISTENING TO ME! THERE IS NOTHING LEFT! I’m done, I used it, there’s none left. He only brought a little. Call the fucking cops, stop looking through my shit!”

“Ashlee, sit down and shut up.”

“This is so fucking stupid, you’re not even listening to me!”

I sat down on the bed like I was told and watched them throw my shit all over the place, digging for a stash.  I’m not the idiot in this room; they’re definitely wasting their time looking through my shit. Teddy came in the room and to my surprise Ashlee was actually excited to see him.

“Thank god Teddy, these idiots you have working here don’t listen!”

“OK, I need you to slow down Ashlee and tell me what happened.” He answered calmly and sat down on the bed between us while the others kept going through our shit.

Ash took a deep breath, “The guy who came isn’t my brother, he’s my dealer. He brought me some dope. It was wrong, I fucked up. But the point is that he has my debit card and took all my fucking money. So now I want you assholes to call the fucking cops for me so I can get him locked up for life and get my fucking money back.”

Teddy took a deep breath and looked between the two of us. “Justin?”

I shrugged, “I was sleeping man, I’m done with the bullshit.”

He nodded his head and turned his gaze back to Stargirl. Something’s gotten into her, that’s for damn sure. She’s not her normal self, she’s really freaking out. All she’s doing is tapping her leg nervously and if I didn’t know better I’d say her eyes are watering up.  “Alright, both of you come with me, we’re going to get this figured out.”

Ash stood up quickly and sniffled before following closely behind Teddy. I waited a second until she left the room to stand up and lifted the mattress, grabbing her stash from underneath. I handed the bag to the guy going through my shit, “Check her socks, she hides it in her socks.”

When I walked into Teddy’s office he was on the phone and I sat down next to Ash, “What took you so long?”

I shrugged instead of answering, “Is he calling the cops?”

“He already called the cops.”

“So who’s he talking to now?”

She didn’t answer me right away, but when she did it was soft, almost in a whisper, “Your mom.”

“Why’s he calling my mom?” I felt my heart beating in my throat. There’s no need for him to call my mom. I didn’t do anything.

“I don’t know, he said he had to.” It seems like she’s more scared of my mother than I am.  I still wish I knew what my mother said to her.

When Teddy hung up the phone he took a deep breath and looked between the two of us. I can’t take the silence, “Did you call my mom?” Teddy nodded his head and opened his mouth to speak but I continued before he could, “Why? I didn’t do anything; it has nothing to do with me. I’m a grown man, you don’t need to call my mother.”

“The fact is we can’t have you stay here. So we’re going to need to figure something else out.”

“Why?” I asked. This makes no sense. I didn’t do shit. “I had nothing to…”

“I’m talking to Ashlee now, Justin.”

Oh. So what does that mean? I’m staying and she’s not? How the fuck is that going to work?

“Wait.” Ash spoke up quietly, “I’m getting kicked out?”

Teddy licked his lips before answering in his soothing, psychologist voice, “I’m sorry but you know the rules Ashlee. We can’t have you staying here and bringing that into this building.”

I looked over at her and it was like looking at a ghost. I’ve never seen her like this before, it’s almost as if she’s scared. She’s not scared going out on the street dealing with drug dealers but she’s scared of this. She’s showing her weakness, I never thought I’d see the day. Maybe her walls are finally starting to come down.

“I mean it’s not like I’m… going to do it again or…I mean…” she trailed off.

“The police will be here soon and you’ll talk to them.”

“They’re not gonna… take me or anything, are they? Cause I mean…”

“They’re not going to take you anywhere Ashlee,” Teddy assured her, “Don’t worry about that now.”

“But where am I gonna go? I mean I don’t have any money and…” she stopped when the police came into the room. It was only a couple minutes ago where she was all loud and pissed and the world and now she’s sitting there all scared in nervous when she’s face to face with the reality of what’s happening.

“Alright Justin, why don’t you go back to your room? I’ll send your mother in when she gets here.”

Sometimes I feel like I’m twelve again.

I nodded my head and stood up, but stopped in front of Ash, “You alright?”

She nodded her head and I started out the room but she grabbed onto my hand, “Can you just like, check on me in a little bit and make sure they don’t take me or anything?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head and made my way back to the room. I guess I might as well start packing. So nice of them to just throw my shit all over the place, even after I told them where she hid her stash.

I’m so sick of this shit.  I just want to go home, and by home I mean Tennessee.  I could easily hide out there for a few weeks, months, hell even years. There’s too much drama here. There’s too much drama with Star Girl. I’d be one thing if she realized what she’s doing but she doesn’t. I’m done taking part in her destruction.

They could have put my shit back where it was. Fuck that, they could have at least put it on the fucking bed instead of throwing it all over the floor.

I heard a knock on the open door and looked to see my mother standing with her arms crossed. I turned my attention back to my things, unable to really look her in the eye. “I didn’t do anything.”

“I know,” she answered simply as she made her way into the room and started to fold the clothes I was throwing in my bag.

“So what’s going on then?”

“I think it would be best for you to get away from here. We found another center back home. It’s small and quiet, there are no distractions. What do you think?”

I nodded my head. I think that sounds about as good as it can. “What about…”

“I’m not sure what’s going to happen with Ashlee, Justin. I’m not sure if she’s the right person for you to be around right now.” I took a deep breath, so what I’m just supposed to leave her here? I don’t know if I can do that. Sure, she’s fucked up, and she’s not in the same mindset as I am at the moment but if I just leave her I’m going to be worrying about her forever. “It’s up to you to sweetie, whatever you want to do I’m behind you a hundred percent.”

“When are we leaving?”

“As soon as you’re ready.”

Ashlee walked into the room, making sure not to look at my mother for even a second, and started packing her things without a word.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” my mother said before leaving and closing the door on her way out.

Ash didn’t say anything, she just continued packing her things in silence, “So what happened?” I asked the question.

“They said I have to leave.” She answered softly.

“That’s it?” she nodded her head, “Are they pressing charges?” she shook her head, “You’re fucking lucky.” She nodded her head again; I never thought the day would come when this girl didn’t talk.

“Where are you going?”

“Home. Well, to another center but back home.” I turned my gaze to her but she looked away quickly, “What about you?”

“I don’t know,” she answered as if it were one word and then took a few seconds to continue, “They said I had to leave.”

“You said that.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she’s definitely crying now, bawling even. I didn’t think she was capable of having such feelings. “He took all my money. They said I have to leave, but he took it all. I don’t know what I’m gong to do. I don’t know where I’m going to go.”

“You fucked up.” I answered simply.

“I know,” she cried some more, “I know I fucked up, but what does that mean? I have to go live on the fucking streets? That’s not fair.”

“So what do you want? What are you getting at?”

“I’m sorry,” she answered honestly, she looked right in my eyes when she said it too. I’ve never seen her look like this before. “I’m sorry I fucked up so much and I’m sorry I brought you down with me,” I looked away from her but she placed a hand on either side of my face and put hers up close, “I’m really sorry.”

“That’s great.”

“I have nowhere to go, Justin.”

“That’s not my fucking problem, Ashlee! So what? You want me to take you with me? So then what? You chill out in Tennessee for a couple days then find another fucking dealer and get us kicked out of there too? I’m done. I’m done with the bullshit, if you want to ruin your life that’s fine, but you’re not taking me down with you.”

“I’m not going to do that! I’m done; I’m so fucking done. Look at me. I’m fucked up Justin, I know it. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I’m scared; I’m so fucking scared. I have nowhere to go. I have no money, nobody gives a shit. Please Justin, give a shit.”

I took a deep breath and moved away from her so I could finish packing my things. She’s definitely showing weakness to an extent I never thought she could. She’s always had those walls up, acting like nothing could bother her. I’m beginning to see the real her. But then again, how am I supposed to know this isn’t all an act? She’s a great liar; we’ve established that a long time ago. I don’t know if I can believe anything that comes out of her mouth.

“I did it for you.” she spoke so quietly I could hardly even hear her.

“What?”

“I helped you when you needed it. I was there, and I talked you out of jumping. I took you in to my house and I know I wasn’t the best influence but I still took you in. I promise that I learned my lesson and I know I fucked up and I screwed up a lot but I’m sorry. I know I screwed up and I’m not going to do it again. I need you, and you know how fucking hard that is for me to admit, but I do. You’re all I have.”

As I watched Ash speak I realized for the first time how fragile she really is. She’s always trying to act all tough but she’s not, she’s completely lost and confused. She did take me in when I needed someone to take me in. If it weren’t for Ashlee who knows where the fuck I’d be right now. Sure, I probably wouldn’t be here but I probably wouldn’t be breathing either. She needs me now, she needs my help.

“Just hurry up and get packed, I want to leave as soon as we can.”

“You mean I...?” she jumped into my arms almost knocking me over, “Thank you so much. Seriously. I promise you won’t regret it. Thank you so much.”

“Alright, relax,” I chuckled but held onto her tightly, “It’s going to be alright.”