A black Escalade picked my mother, Ash and I up at the center and took us straight to the runway of the airport so we could get on the private jet.  I know I tried to get away from all this shit but I am quite relieved I don’t have to deal with the hassle of flying commercial at this point.

When Ashlee stepped on the plane she walked slowly, looking around before picking a seat in the back.  My mother sat down diagonally in front of her and I sat down in the seat facing my mother.  Ash didn’t look too impressed, she just walked in like she’s been on a million private jets and pulled her hood up over her head.

As soon as we got in the air, I could hear Ashlee breathing heavily. I turned around and saw her hugging her legs against her chest, her face buried in her legs, shaking.  “What’s the matter? Are you alright hunny?” my mother asked.

Obviously Ashlee didn’t answer, she’s too busy wishing she were dead. That’s what she gets, it’s her own damn fault, “She’s fine Ma, she’s just tweaking, let her go.”

My mother went back to her book for a half a second before sitting next to Ashlee and pulling her down so she was laying on my mother’s lap, “Are you alright hunny? Is there anything you need?” I watched as my mother rubbed Ashlee’s back and pulled the hood away from her face, “Justin, go get her a bottle of water.”

I did as I was told, handed my mother the bottle of water and then heading back to my seat. I don’t know why it surprises me that my mother is so concerned with Ash, but for fucks sake I wish she’d just let Ash deal with her own shit.

“It’s ok sweetie, you’re going to be alright. It’s going to get better, we’re here for you.”

We finally landed and stepped off the plane to be greeted by my stepfather. “Hey Dad,” I said softly before being pulled into a hug.

“It’s good to see you son. Are you doing alright?”

I nodded my head, “This is Ashlee.”

Ash stood still, her hood covering her head and waved slightly.

“Hi sweetie, nice to meet you. Are you doing ok? You let us know if you need anything,” my father said as he pulled her into a hug. She didn’t hug back, but didn’t push him away either. I’d say that’s some sort of progress. Although, she could have answered him but that’s probably asking too much.

“Well, come on. Ya’ll must be tired,” my mother said as she led us to the car, “You’re going to stay at the house tonight and then we’ll bring you in tomorrow. Is that alright? I hate to ask this, but we can trust you two, right?”

I turned to Ashlee immediately. I can handle it but I don’t know about her. She nodded her head. I forgot she has no money, where’s she going to go? Never mind the fact that she could have left in New York and came here by choice. I still can’t completely trust her.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine.” I answered.

Ash leaned her head against the window as we drove to my parents’ house. It’s only 5 in the evening here but it feels like midnight. It’s been a long day, that’s for damn sure.

My parents talked the whole hour drive home. I half listened but kept looking over at Ashlee. She hasn’t said a word since she begged me to take her with me. It’s like she’s a completely different person. For fucks sake she jumped in my arms when I said she could come and now you’d think I kidnapped her against her will.

I took a deep breath when we pulled into the driveway. “Who’s here?”

“Just Granny and Gramps,” my mother answered as if it weren’t that big of a deal. What the fuck? I don’t want my grandparents to know what I’m doing home.

“What the fuck? Why did you tell them?” the second it came out of my mouth I regretted it.

“Justin Randall you do not raise your voice like that!” my father shouted.

“Sorry, I know. I just…”

“They thought you were dead, Justin. You have no idea how worried we all were, do you?” my mother got out of the car and slammed the door, “You better be on your best behavior. You have no idea what we went through.”

I grabbed my suitcase in one hand and Ashlee’s in the other.  “I know Ma, I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t want… I’m just tired, we’re just tired.”

“They just want to see you. They won’t stay long.”

I turned back to see my father waiting with Ash who was still sitting in the car. I guess he’s got it covered, there’s no turning back now.

Ash paced around my bedroom slowly, looking around at the posters on the wall, “they care” she spoke softly, the first words she’s said since we got home, possibly the first words she’s said since we got on the plane.

“What?”

“They care. You said nobody cares but they care, so many people care.”

I sat down on my bed, running my hands through my hair, “I know. I mean, I know that now.”

She sat down on the opposite side, her eyes fixed to the floor, “When I say nobody cares, I mean nobody cares. You have like… at least 10 people that care.”

“You have plenty of people that care.”

“I don’t. That’s the thing.”

“You got me,” I answered honestly as I pulled her across the bed, “You got all of us now. My mom and my dad, everyone out there. They care about you.”

She looked up at me and I swear I saw a smile, just a half smile but I’ll take it.  “Is there a store around here?” of course she changed the subject.

“Not that’s open now. What do you need?”

         “Some smokes,” Ash said as she moved her head to my stomach and grabbed the box from her pocket, taking her last cigarette out, “Last one.”

“We could go into town,” I said while Ash put the cigarette into her mouth and reached into my pocket for the lighter.

“Can we go into town then?” she lit her cigg and took a long drag before handing it to me. “Your mom isn’t going to let us.”

“Nah, she’ll let us. We’re not ten,” I laughed before handing it back to her, “She trusts us.”

“She trusts you.” Ashlee corrected me. “She thinks I’m ruining you.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is. I heard her. She sad she doesn’t think I’m a good influence on you.”

“Ash, if she really thought that you wouldn’t be here.  She knows what you did for me and she’ll be forever grateful. She wants to help you now.” I pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. To my surprise she didn’t pull away.

We sat in silence until we finished the cigarette then sprayed the room with Febreeze to get rid of the smell. “I really feel like we’re sixteen.”

I laughed and grabbed onto her hand, “That is exactly what it’s like. Just wait while I ask to borrow the car.”

Ashlee giggled, something I haven’t heard from her in awhile, as we walked into the living room where my parents were sitting on the couch watching television.

“How are ya’ll doin’? Is everything alright in the room? Are you ok in the Ashlee? Do you have enough pillows?”

“Yes, it’s great. Thank you.”

My mother smiled like I haven’t seen her smile in awhile.  It was the first time Ashlee has talked since we got here so I can understand the excitement.

“Do you think I could borrow the car?”

“Where are you going to go at this hour?”

I looked at the clock on the wall; it’s really only 9:30. You’d think it’s two in the morning. I forgot I’m back in Tennessee and the world closes at 7. “We’re just going to run up to the gas station. We’re out of smokes.”

Both of my parents looked us over carefully then looked to each other. My father reached into his pocked and tossed the keys at me. “Come right back.”

“We will. Thanks.”

“Do you need some money?”

I laughed at that before realizing they took my wallet before we went into the old center and my mother decided it’d be best if she held onto it. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

She pulled her wallet out of her purse and handed me $30 then grabbed my wallet and handed me my license. “We’ll see you in about 45 minutes? It shouldn’t take you any longer than that.”

“Thank you.” Ashlee said as we walked out to the car.

“It’s like I’m 16,” I said as I drove to the store. No answer, I looked over to Ash and she was looking out the window, ignoring me completely. I guess that whole her talking thing is over.

“I’ve never been in the country like this before,” she said softly.

“No? Never?”

She shook her head then turned to me, “I mean, I’ve been out of the city but never this country.”

“When you were a kid?” she nodded her head, “Where did you go?”

“We went to Florida a lot. You know, Disney World and stuff. My dad used to do a lot of business in Houston and Seattle so I’ve been up around there a couple times.”

I couldn’t believe she was actually opening up about her family. She’s never mentioned her father before, in fact last time I asked she told me about how much she hates roller-skating. “Your dad is in business?” she nodded her head before looking out the window, “What kind?”

She took a deep breath, realizing for the first time she was actually talking to me like a normal human being. “How far is this place?”

There goes that.

The gas station was pretty crowded. I forgot how this is the hangout for the teenagers of the town, the only place open after seven. I pulled my hood over my head as I pulled into a parking spot, “You want to wait in the car?”

“No,” she answered before pulling her hood up and heading into the store before I could even get out.

“Yo, yo,” a kid leaning against the station called out at me, “Whatcha want? Come here, I’ll hook you up. What do you want?”

“Nah man, I’m good.” Great, just what we need right now. When I got inside Ash was standing in front of the beer, looking at it like it had the secret meaning of life. I stood behind her for a second, but she didn’t notice I was there. “Want some chips or something?”

“Combos,” she answered without breaking her gaze.

“What else?” no answer. “You can get a beer if you want. There’s nothing wrong with you having a beer.

She turned to me and bit at her bottom lip. “I want… sour patch kids. And the red Mountain Dew.”

“That it?”

“Umm…” she wrapped both her arms around my waist as I walked to grab the sodas. “Slim Jims.”

“Seriously?” I laughed and put an arm around her; surprised she was being so cuddly in public.

“Seriously,” she giggled and grabbed a couple when we got to the register. “And however many smokes we can get with this much money.”

“I got 30 bucks my man,” I held out the money, “However many packs of Marlboro Red we can get.”

“Three,” he answered after scanning them in, “29.82”

“Just made it,” Ashlee giggled as she grabbed a pack and opened it quickly, “Shit, a lighter!”

I reached into my pockets to find some spare change, not that I expected to find any. “Here, we have matches,” the guy said as he handed us a couple packs.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Ashlee smiled as she grabbed her soda and put a smoke in her mouth and one in mine, “Thank you.”

“Thanks man,” I said as I grabbed the rest of the stuff and followed her outside. Her cigarette was lit the second we go outside and she handed me the lit match. We both inhaled slowly, closing our eyes and letting it take over. I needed that.

“Yo, ya’ll come here. Whatcha need? I got ya’ll covered.”

“We’re good man, thanks” I said as I put my arm around Ashlee’s shoulder. It’s not that I don’t trust her it’s just that I’m not exactly sure she’s ready to be put in a situation like this just yet.

“We got 18 cents. What can we get for 18 cents?”

“Come on Ash, just walk.”

“We can work something out. Come here darling, come talk.”

Ash stopped but I kept walking, pulling her along with me, “We can work something out? Like maybe if I go fuck you in the alley back there you’ll give me a couple joints?”

What the fuck is she doing?

She turned to look at me and laughed, “Your face! Fucking priceless.”

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s really funny. Your face, oh my god if you saw your face,” she laughed hysterically before climbing in the car, “I swear it was like you were going to leave me right in the parking lot.”

“I would have,” I answered seriously.

She slapped my arm, “Relax. I’m a good kid now. Mountain Dew and Sour Patch Kids. That’s how I roll.”

I grabbed a piece of candy before pulling out of the parking lot, “That’s right. We’re 16, we don’t even know what drugs are.”

“You didn’t know what drugs were when you were 16?”

“Well, of course I knew what drugs were. But, it’s not like I was smoking up when I was 16.” No response, “What? You were?”

She chuckled before putting the cigarette to her lips and taking one last drag, “You’re so naive, it’s kinda cute.” She tossed the butt out the window and grabbed the bag of Combos, “I love how your drug dealers say ya’ll and call me darling down here. How are you supposed to be scared of someone that calls you darling?”

I shrugged, trying to figure out how old she really was when she started taking shit. And why she won’t talk about her childhood? She lets the smallest thing slip then shuts up about it forever. Even when I think I’m making progress with her and she’s doing better, there’s still so much shit I don’t know. So much shit I’ll probably never know. I don’t know how much longer I can handle being kept in the dark like this. I’m sick of getting partial truths from her.