It looks a lot higher when you’re standing on top, looking straight down. A lot higher.  The fall will probably hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I don’t fucking care! I need to do it. I want to do it. I’ll be dead before I hit the ground and away from this bullshit forever.

            I stood over the edge of a New York City skyscraper, looking straight down at the city below me.  In all the movies they say you shouldn’t look down, because then you’ll change your mind about jumping. I’m not going to change my mind, but I wish I didn’t look down.  I can’t live this fucking life anymore, I’m sick of it. I can’t even take a piss without some asshole pissing on my shoe when he turns to tell me how much he likes to bang his chick to my music.  I’m sick of the bitches, I’m sick of the business, I’m sick of the life.

            I took a deep breath, possibly my last breath and closed my eyes. All I need to do is let go.

            “Um… wait! Don’t!” I heard a female voice, high and annoying. My eyes dart back at a girl sitting on top of a box with a notebook in her hands. Just what I need.

            “What the fuck are you doing up here?”

            “I live here, what the fuck are you doing up here? Besides about to plummet to your death.” She whines when she speaks, it’s all whining.

            “Look, go downstairs.”

            “I would, except I really need to do my astronomy homework,” she held up the notebook, “I need to draw the moon.”

            “I don’t give a shit. Stop talking then. Close your eyes.” I don’t want to ruin this girl’s life by making her watch me jump.  I closed my eyes again, taking another deep breath before she spoke again.

            “I’ll tell them you fell if you want,” she walked closer to me.

            “Don’t fucking touch me. Get back.”

            “I’m not going to touch you, relax. I’m Ashlee.”

            “I don’t care. Leave me alone.”

            “Do you want me to call someone? Like don’t you have a girlfriend or something?” she stopped and spoke under her breath, “or that’s the reason why he’s getting ready to jump, idiot.”

            “Are you talking to yourself?”

            “I am, but you’re hanging off the edge of a building, so I’d say I’m the normal one here. What about your mom? Do you have a mom?”

            “Everyone has a fucking mom.”

            “Not everyone, I don’t. Well I do, but she’s a fucking crack head so I don’t talk to her. Do you talk to your mom?”

            “Can we not talk about my mother while I’m hanging over the edge.”

            “OK, we can talk more about my mother if you want.”

            “I don’t want to talk about your fucking mother. I don’t want to talk about anything. I want you to turn your ass around and go back to your room and pretend none of this shit ever happened.”

            “That’d be really hard to pretend a world famous celebrity didn’t just jump off the top of my building while I was trying to do my astronomy homework. I hate this class anyway; I thought it would be cool. Like looking at stars and shit, right? Who doesn’t like looking at stars? But it’s like bullshit stuff, I should have taken geology, at least I wouldn’t be spending my nights praying it’s not too cloudy so I can see the moon. Plus I’m scared of heights, so the whole being on the roof thing sucks in itself. With geology at least I would be on the ground, looking at rocks and stuff. Although that’s probably boring as fuck.  And my professor’s like crazy. I emailed her because it was cloudy and I couldn’t see the moon and she said that I needed to figure it out and it’s still due on Friday and if I don’t have it it’s a zero.”

            I took a deep breath and looked back at her, “Are you still talking?” Her voice is going right through me; it’s like a constant whine.

            “Yeah, I mean sorry you’re about to kill yourself, what’s the rush? You can’t wait a couple minutes and listen to me vent?” she walked closer and sat down on the ground, “I’d come closer, but as I mentioned before, I’m not good with heights. I’d really appreciated it if you didn’t kill yourself right now, from the top of my building.”

            “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

            “Because, I have this weird obsession with saving people. You’re not the first, I’m kind of like the Angel of Death.”

            “If you were the Angel of Death you’d be pushing me instead of annoying the fuck out of me.”

            She took a second before answering, “I guess you’re right. You’re kind of annoying me though, don’t think you’re the only one being annoyed.”

            “Then leave, that’ll solve the problem.”

            “I need to do my homework. Can’t you just like, go for an hour or so, and then come back when I’m done?  Maybe we could go get some coffee when I’m done and you could seriously think about what you’re about to do. If you still think your life sucks as much as you think it does now then I’ll stand back and let you do it. Hell, I’ll even give you a little push if you need it.”

            “You asking me out Stargirl?” at least she made me laugh.

            “No. I just have a lot of homework in the next few days and I don’t really have time to talk to all the reporters about your last minutes alive.”

            “Then don’t talk to them.”

            “How could I turn down all that money though? I’m sure they’d give me a lot.”

            “Stop talking about yourself, I’m hanging over the edge of a fucking skyscraper.”

            “And that’s not selfish? Talk about being a hypocrite. Sorry to interrupt your selfish ways. Killing yourself is like such a cop out.  I’m sure there’s a lot of lives you’d be ruining but taking the easy way out.”

            “Like who?”

            “I don’t know, your friends?”

            “I don’t have any real friends. They’re all fake.”

            “OK then, your mom. Don’t you love your mom?”

            “Of course I love my mom.”

            “I’ll tell her that, when she’s crying at your funeral. I doubt she’ll hear me though. But I’m sure like your brother will comfort her, right?”

            “I don’t have a brother.”

            “Oh, just you? Then she’ll probably kill herself too.”

            “Don’t talk about my mother like that!” now I’m shouting, this girl is pissing me off.

            “You’re the one that’s going to kill her. But I guess that doesn’t matter, since you’ll be dead. So I guess you won’t have to worry about it.”

            I took a deep breath; I’m about to push this girl off the edge instead. “Did anyone ever tell you you’re annoying?”

            “Yeah, just you. Like fifty times. I don’t think you’re as hot in person, no offense. I don’t think you’re that hot on TV either, I mean you’re ok. But I don’t get the big deal. You should shave though, I don’t think you have the bone structure to pull of a beard.”

            “Wow, you’re really helping,” I answered sarcastically.

            “I’m not going to sugarcoat anything. But I guess you’re talented, people seem to think. I’m not exactly into your type of music. I like some of it, I like that With You song.”

            “That’s Chris Brown.”

            “Oh shit,” she laughed, “Seriously? I thought that was you.”

            “No, thanks though.”

            “Sorry. So do you want me to call your mom? I have my cell, you could just say goodbye to her. My uh, my brother killed himself and I really wish I got to say goodbye.” She finished softly, almost under her breath.

            She needs to stop talking about my mother. I can’t think about my mother, I don’t want to hurt her.  “Alright, one cup of coffee and then you’ll go back to your room and let me do what I’m going to do.”

            “For sure, I promise. I might even be willing to share some of the finest herb,” I climbed back over the edge, “Cool, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?” she smiled, “Just wait like two minutes and let me finish this drawing.”

            I laughed at that, “Are you serious?”

            “Yes, I’m serious. I told you my professor is fucking crazy. If I tell her I couldn’t do my drawing because I had to save Justin Timberlake’s life, I kind of doubt she’ll believe me. It’ll just take a minute, be patient.”

            I sat down next to her and watched as she drew the moon, or what was supposed to be the moon, “That sucks.”

            “Sorry, I’m not an artist. I don’t think it’s that bad though.”

            “It’s that bad, trust me,” I grabbed the notebook from her hand and drew the moon to speed it up.

            “You have to make sure you get all the craters.”

            “I’m getting all the craters,” I answered back in the same annoying tone before handing her back the notebook.

            She examined it carefully before smiling, “Not so bad, thank you Superstar.”

            “Don’t call me that. Let’s go.”

            She stood up and followed me to the door, “What can I call you then?”

            “I don’t know, you’ll think of something Stargirl.”

            “But you can call me Stargirl? That’s not exactly fair.”

            “Life is not fair. So where are we going?”

            “There’s a Starbucks right downstairs.” I have a problem with Starbucks, or pretty much any coffee shop, or public place in general. If I get recognized, which I guarantee I will, I’ll be on my way back up here before I finish my coffee.

            When we got into the building I actually got a good look at Stargirl, she’s not half bad looking. Her skin is really fair, not pale but very white, and her hair is jet black. She obviously dyes it, there’s no way her natural hair color is that dark. Then there are a couple pieces of purple throughout giving her that punk feel. She’s wearing a pair of jeans and a black tank top with a black and white striped zip up hoodie with the sleeves covering her hands.  She’s kind of hot.

            I followed her downstairs silently as we order the drinks and found a table. She was talking so damn much while I was trying to jump but now she’s silent.

            “So, your life sucks?” she asked in her monotone voice.

            “Yup.” I nodded my head before taking a sip of my coffee.

            “Everyone’s life sucks. I mean, people have it a lot worse.”

            “Like who?”

            “I don’t know, the homeless guy down the street?”

            “Nah, he’s got it made.”

            “OH MY GOD,” I was interrupted by some girl, of course it was only a matter of fucking time, “You’re Justin Timberlake, can I have your autograph? I’m such a huge fan, I can’t believe I’m …”

            “Fuck off!” Stargirl screamed, “He’s not Justin Timberlake! He gets it all the fucking time; he doesn’t even look like him. You’re so annoying. Get the fuck away! Come on…. Atticus, let’s just go.” She stood up and grabbed her drink, storming out of the building.

            I jogged to catch up with her, “Atticus? What the fuck is that?”

            She laughed, “I just finished To Kill A Mockingbird for Lit class… shut up, it was the first name that came to my head.”

            “Back to the roof?” Not really to jump, I’m good for now. At least no one will bother me up there.

            “How about my room?”

            “Do you live alone?”

            “Yes.”

            “Alright,” I agreed, following her into her room. I looked around the small apartment, it’s old and rundown, and not exactly like an apartment I’ve ever seen. Although I’m sure this is what most apartments in Manhattan look like for those in college. “How old are you, Stargirl?”

            “24, I took a few years off before I started.”

            I nodded my head and sat down on her couch, “Nice place you got here.”

            Stargirl laughed, “Oh yeah, I’m sure it’s the nicest place you’ve ever seen.  What was your breaking point? I mean, obviously your whole life sucks,” there was a hint of sarcasm there, she has no idea.

            I took a deep breath, “I found out my girlfriend, who I’ve been with for three years, has been fucking around with just about everyone in New York, California and Florida since before we even started dating.”

            “Wait, aren’t you dating whatsherface?”

            “Yes, I was. I’m not anymore.”

            “So you’re going to jump off a building because of her? That’s kind of stupid.”

            “No, it’s not. There’s other things, that’s not it. I love her.”

            “Well, obviously she doesn’t love you so you should just move on.” She sure doesn’t sugarcoat anything. “I don’t think that’s a good reason to kill yourself though.” She said as she grabbed a bong from under the end table.

            “Are you in school to be a therapist?”

            “No, I probably should be though, huh?”

“Yeah, probably not,” I laughed as I looked through her CDs. “You’re good at the whole making people feel more shitty thing.”

            “I am not, you’re laughing, that’s worth something. I just don’t believe it saying bullshit to make you feel better.”

            “You’re probably the first person in my life that’s felt that way.”

            “That’s good, right?”

            “Yeah Stargirl, it’s good.” I felt myself smile as I grabbed the bong from her.

            “What are you looking for?”

            “Just looking,” I decided not to hide the smile anymore as I looked through her collection of CDs, “You got any of my shit?”

            “No,” she laughed.

            “Nothing? Every girl’s got some of my shit.”

            “Not this girl, feel free to look, you’re going to be disappointed,” she stood up, “I’m going to go pee, liquids go right through me.”

            “Too much information Stargirl.”

            She laughed, “The windows are locked, they don’t open. So don’t try anything while I’m gone.”

            I flicked her off as she left, she’s kind of sexy. I’m digging her fuck you, mad at the world attitude. I like that she’s honest, and doesn’t say the shit I want to hear, I’ve never met someone like that before. I lit up before I continued looking through her music collection: Frank Sinatra, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Bob Dylan, and Janis Joplin. Yeah, I think it’s safe to say she doesn’t have any of my shit.

            “Find anything good?”

            “Yeah, I’m impressed,” I said as I put some Frank Sinatra into her CD player, “I believe you about not having any of my shit though. But Sinatra? You don’t seem like the kind of girl that’s into Sinatra.”

            “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            “I don’t know, you got the whole punk, mad at the world feel.”

            “Sinatra wasn’t mad at the world?”

            “I guess, I don’t know, I just expected to see some Korn or Disturbed.”

            She laughed as she sat down sideways on the couch next to me grabbing the bong from me, “For someone that’s so against being labeled, you sure are quick to label.”

            “I didn’t mean it like a bad thing,” I answered honestly.

            “Just shut up, you’re annoying.  I’m kind of tired, you’re not going to jump right?” I shook my head, “Good choice. You can stay here for a little while if you want. I mean, until we think of a way to get those assholes to leave you alone. I’ll come up with something, I’m very creative.” 

            “That’s good to know, I might take you up on that.”

            “Yeah, definitely. The couch is really comfortable.”

            “You’re going to make me sleep on the couch?” I asked with a crooked smile.

            “No, you have to shut up though because I need my sleep.” I nodded my head as I followed her into her bedroom, staying a few steps back so I could watch her ass. She’s a hell of a lot hotter than I first thought. She caught me; she turned around to face me, “Stop looking at my ass.”

            “I’m not looking at your ass Stargirl,” I want to kill her and fuck her at the same time.

            “My name is Ashlee,” she gave me a sexy smile, “In case you forgot.”

            “I didn’t forget I just don’t give a fuck.” I smiled as she rolled her eyes, and I’m getting fucking hard just looking at her.

            “You’re an asshole,” she smiled as she pulled her hair into a ponytail, “you doing alright there, Timberlake?” she laughed, looking at my boner.

            I laughed sarcastically and jumped on the bed, pulling a blanket over so I don’t embarrass myself anymore, “Fuck you.”

            “Hmm, interesting concept. You’re on my side though, move over.” I moved over and she reached to turn off the light. We both laid in silence for what seemed like forever before she spoke again, “So we could fuck, I’d hate to waist a perfectly good boner.”

            I laughed, not exactly sure if I should be taking what she said as a joke or not, “Are you serious?”

            “Yeah, I’m serious. You’re kind of growing on me,” she turned the light back on, “Are you up for it?” she pulled the blanket down and laughed, “Obviously you’re up for it.”

            “Shut up,” I said as she crawled on top of me.

            “OK,” she smiled before pressing her lips to mine as she unzipped my pants and grabbed my dick in her hand. Her mouth went to my neck where she bit me gently and I pushed her over so I was on top and pulled her shirt off, kissing down her stomach as I unzipped her jeans and slid them down her body. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw her pink lace bra and matching thong. “What are you laughing at?”

            “Your bra and your panties, so pretty and girly.”

            “Did you just call them panties?” she laughed, “What are you a girl?”

            “Fuck you. You’re a cute girly girl underneath all that black eyeliner.”

            “Look if you don’t like them, I can just cover them back up,” she reached for her shirt but I grabbed it from her hand and threw it across the room.

            “Or we could just take them off,” I answered with a smile as I slid her panties down her legs. 

She giggled and managed to get out from under me, “I want the top.”

“No, I want the top,” I don’t really want the top, I’d much rather her ride it but I’m learning quickly that she’s fun to fuck with.

“Fuck you!” she shouted, “It’s my apartment, my bed, we do it my way. I saved your fucking life, I get top.”

“Alright, alright, you get top,” I put my hands up in mock defeat as I sat up and pulled my pants all the way off.

“That’s right,” she smiled as she sat on my lap kissing me violently. She reached over and opened the drawer of her nightstand and grabbed a condom. After ripping it open with her teeth she gave me a sexy look and bent down, pushing the condom over my dick with her mouth. “OK, we’re all ready.”

“Not exactly,” I kissed her passionately as she sat on my lap and I reached over to unhook her bra. I grabbed her tits in my hands and massaged them as I kissed her neck. Her head fell back as I felt her lower herself on top of me. Fuck, she’s so fucking tight and she feels so fucking good.

The sex was amazing, best sex I’ve had in a real long time. She fell on her back, with her head at my feet as we caught our breath. She giggled, “So, I’m really glad you didn’t jump.”

I chuckled as I laid down, “Me too.”

There were a few minutes of silence, but it wasn’t awkward, it was comfortable. My high was starting to ware off.

“So you have like, a billion dollars, right?”

“Not exactly.”

“OK, like millions though, right?” she is annoying, there’s way around it, “Right?” she kicked my shoulder to get my attention.

I grabbed onto her foot and massaged it, “I guess, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Why don’t you just buy an island? Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, no one will ever bother you again. You don’t have to worry about anything or anyone.”

“I’m supposed to go to this island all by myself?” I asked as I pulled her leg closer, kissing it softly.

“Yeah, are you kidding, that’s exactly what you’re looking for. I mean you can take whoever you want.”

“Are you going to come?”

“I have school. Maybe I’ll come visit.”

I laughed and pulled her leg so she was back to sitting on my lap, “Maybe, huh?” I kissed her neck.

“Yeah, maybe,” she pushed away from me, “I need to sleep, I have class in a few hours. No cuddling, I don’t cuddle.”

“No cuddling. Got it.”

She reached over to turn off the light and I wrapped my arm around her, “I’m serious, stop,” she pushed away from me.

... And that was the beginning