It’s been six days since I was trying to innocently jump to my death that I met Stargirl. She saved my life, as she likes to mention it just about every hour on the hour. She didn’t really save my life, I probably wasn’t going to jump but I decided its far less work to let her go ahead and believe whatever she wants to believe. Now I’m pretty much living in her apartment, I haven’t been out of it in six days, except for the occasional trip to the roof to do her stupid astronomy homework. I’m kind of digging the whole being a hermit thing. Life sure is a lot less stressful when there’s nothing to worry about. I spend my days on the couch watching old movies and listening to music while Ash is at class. She comes home, we smoke up, we fuck, then we eat, then we smoke up and fuck some more. She’s annoying and sometimes I want to kill her, but she gives me what I need. I don’t know much about her, but I like it that way. It’s kind of hot the whole mysterious thing, plus she’s not exactly one for opening up and sharing. 

She walked in her apartment after a day of class and laughed when she saw me sprawled on the couch, “Still in the same spot you were in when I left.”

I turned the television off and walked into the kitchen, or the area of the living room with the refrigerator and stove. “How was school?”

“Amazing, as always. I have more astronomy due tomorrow.”

I nodded my head, “I’ll do it tonight,” I said as I jumped on the counter, “What’d ya get? Anything good?

 “Apple Jacks, milk, snow peas, broccoli, rice, mushrooms and chicken, just like you wanted.”

I hopped off the counter and stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her neck, “Onions?”

“No, I don’t like onions.”

“You need onions!” I threw my hands up, she doesn’t fucking listen. “What the fuck Ash? I said we need onions to make the stir fry.”

“Well fuck you, I said I don’t like onions.”

“You don’t have to eat them! It’s not going to taste the same!”

“You’re so annoying, get over it. No onions. Move on. I have onion powder, it’ll give you the taste without the nastiness of the fucking onions.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Go get them yourself if you need them so bad. I refuse to buy onions, they make your hands stink just looking at them.”

I stopped bitching to laugh and attached my lips to her neck, “What else did you get?”

“Garlic bread, Italian bread and American cheese. Oh, condoms,” She pulled the box out and held it in the air.

“The nice, COSTCO family pack.  Perfect.”

“Uh, no it’s the unfamily pack. If you’re looking for the family you don’t buy the condoms.”

I grabbed the box from her hand with a chuckle, “We better get going if we’re going to use them all.”

“Wait, there’s more,” She grabbed the box back from my hand and placed it on the counter. “Shaving cream, and a razor. Oooohh, how convenient.” She ran her hands over my chin.

I laughed, throwing my head back. She has such a problem with my beard, “What does it matter if I have a beard or not?”

“Seriously, it hurts when you eat out. You’re good at it, and you know it, but it hurts. It’s like a hundred pins prickling me. So shave, k?” She pushed my face away and I grabbed onto the shaving cream and razor before disappearing towards the bathroom.  “I have homework to do!” she called after me.

“Do your homework then!”  I shouted back. She’s so fucking annoying. I don’t know what makes her think I give a shit. But then again, I’m here in the bathroom shaving because she does give a shit. I haven’t shaved in so long; I forgot what it feels like to be clean-shaven. My skin is all soft, it actually feels good.  When I walked out to the living room I saw her sitting cross-legged on the couch lighting a joint, “What the fuck? “

“What the fuck?” she mimicked before taking a puff and handing it over to me, “Calm down. Aww, look at you,” she ran her hands over my chin while I took a puff, “You can totally eat me out now.”

I laughed and handed the joint back to her as I sat on the ground. She placed her legs over my shoulders and lifted her ass so I could pull her panties down her legs. I pushed her plaid skirt up as I started to lick her pussy. She moans and screams like a fucking porn star, it’s so hot.

Ash fell back on the couch as I pulled away and took a deep breath, “You’re so fucking good at that. I have to do homework.” She took another puff.

“Then do your fucking homework!” I feel like she’s my daughter sometimes, I grabbed it from her and stood up.

“I don’t want to,” she whined as she turned the television on, “I got some blow.”

“What?”

“I got my hands on some blow. Are you interested?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You have blow? And I’m here rolling a fucking joint.”

She laughed, “I take it that’s a yes.”

“Yeah, it’s a fucking yes. Are you serious? Give me some!”

She’s still laughing. I would strangle her but I don’t know where the blow is so I need to wait on that. I haven’t had coke in awhile but I could really use some. “I have to do my homework!”

“Then do you’re fucking homework and tell me where the blow is.”

“Fuck you! I’m not giving it to you. We have to share.”

“Well fuck you, I want it now.”

“You’re so impatient! Forget I said anything. I’m going to do my homework first, and then you can cook dinner. Then we’ll eat, then we’ll snort, then we’ll fuck, then you can do my astronomy and then we’re good.”

I laughed as I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a frying pan, “You got it all planned, huh Stargirl?”

“I like to plan things shut up!” she said as she grabbed a textbook, “Fuck Western Civ. Who gives a fuck? I don’t give a fuck, do you give a fuck? NO. Because NOBODY GIVES A FUCK!”

“You’re funny when you’re stoned,” I laughed as I cut up the chicken.

“I’m not stoned. I’m fucking hungry when I’m stoned, and I’m stoned so I’m hungry. So hurry up!”

She threw the book on the ground and turned the television up.  “Justin Timberlake, current Prince of Pop seems to be… missing?”

“Turn it off!” I screamed from the kitchen, but she doesn’t listen. She never fucking listens.

“It seems Justin was supposed to be in Los Angeles yesterday for a video shoot but he never showed up. Two days ago he had an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine and once again, was nowhere to be found. His management had no comment, but his mother--”

“Turn it the fuck off!” I screamed grabbing the remote and turning it off myself since she seems to be fucking deaf.  “What the fuck Ash? I don’t want to hear any of that shit.”

“Well how the fuck am I supposed to know that’s what they’re talking about?”

“I don’t know, maybe when I told you to shut it off the first fucking time!” I screamed again, throwing the remote back at her.

“You’re fucking paranoid, you know that right?” she paused to laughed, “You’re so lucky you have a big dick or you’d be so gone.”

“Shut the fuck up!” I did laugh a little. She has that effect on me, especially when I want to chop her head off. She has serious problems.

There were a few seconds of silence, and I’ve learned that’s always trouble. When she’s quiet she’s thinking. She’s never quiet, not even when she’s fucking sleeping. She still talks and makes noises when she’s asleep. Like I’ve said a million times… annoying.

“You know, they’re really worried about you.”

“Shut up!”

“I mean you could just call, and tell them you’re alive.”

“Fuck off, don’t talk about it.”

“I’m serious though Justin, your mother is probably really worried and…”

“Shut the fuck up!” I screamed throwing the knife on the table, “Shut up, and stop. I don’t want to fucking hear anything about my mother again. You get that?” I got in her face and grabbed onto her shoulders. “Shut the fuck up!”

“Don’t you ever fucking talk to me like that!” she screamed right back, grabbing my balls tightly digging her nails in, “I will kill you, I will fucking chop your dick off while you’re sleeping and sell it on EBAY. Don’t fucking tempt me. You’re in my house, I’m doing you a favor and you can leave, you can fucking leave!”

I took a deep breath and removed her death grip from my dick, “Sorry, relax. Just don’t talk about my mother, alright?” I answered calmly.

“Then don’t talk to me like that!”  Ash pushed me away. She’s fucking crazy. It’s clear now; she’s absolutely fucking crazy. She grabbed onto her notebook and flipped through the pages violently before speaking softly, “People care Justin.”

I am going to kill her. “They’ll get over it. I don’t see you calling your mother every day.”

“I told you my mother is a crack head!” she shouted.

“So are you,” I answered with a laugh. I can tell by the fact that she is now walking towards me fuming that she did not find it funny. My hands went to block my balls out of instinct, “It was a joke, sorry.” I stepped back.

“Not fucking funny. At all. She’s a dead crack head. Will that shut you up?” she walked past me and grabbed a beer from the fridge, “Hurry up and cook, I’m fucking hungry.”

“Help me cook,” I picked her up and put her on the counter, “You’re just laying around watching me, grab a fucking knife and get chopping.” I don’t know if I should trust her with a knife. I probably shouldn’t.

“Please,” she laughed, “Like you should talk, you sleep and watch movies all day.”

“I’m trying to earn my keep,” I kissed her quickly before I grabbed a beer for myself, “It’s almost done, where’s the fucking onion powder?”

“Up your fucking ass,” Ash said as she threw it at me with a chuckle, “I’m hungry,” the whining is back. I don’t think it ever left but for some reason I didn’t notice it before. Maybe it’s because she was busy screaming and threatening to cut off my balls.

“It’s done,” I answered simply as I grabbed a few plates, pouring the stir-fry evenly between the two. Ash grabbed two forks, pointing one at me while giving me an evil smile. She scares me sometimes, I feel like she’s really close to cracking and going absolutely crazy. Crazy like put the dog in the blender crazy.

We finished eating quickly and sat in silence for a few minutes. Ashlee disappeared for a few more minutes and came back with a square glass mirror and a bag of the powder. She sat on the ground and I sat down next to her as she got it ready to snort. I know this is a bad idea, but fuck, I really could use the high. My life has been pretty shitty these past few months or even fucking years. I stopped taking blow because I was touring again and it was fucking me up. But I’m not touring, I’m not doing anything. Plus, fucking when you’re high off blow is unbelievable.

Ashlee went first, throwing her head back and closing her eyes after she snorted a line. I grabbed the mirror from her and took a deep breath before I did a line. Oh shit.

“Hurry up,” she spoke and I looked over to see her waving her hand in the air, watching it carefully, “I wanna fuck, hurry up,” she whined but I didn’t give a fuck. I saw the bright colors, everything was calm and chill, I was confused, but a good kind of confused.  It was better than I ever remembered it to be.

“Hurry up!” Ash screamed as she pulled her clothes off, “I wanna fuck! Let’s fuck! I want to ride your cock. I need to. Hurry!”

I remember this feeling, like I have so much fucking energy. “We should build a house. Build a fucking house. We can burn this whole building down and build a fucking house. A huge house, we can do it now. Where are the fucking matches?”

“NO!” she shouted as she ripped my clothes off, “No, no no. We need to fuck. I need to feel your cock in me… fucking… good. Like hard and rough and kinky and fucking FUCK ME!!!!”

“A really cool fucking house. 20… hundred million seven floors. Just mine, and yours and no one else’s.”

‘What are you talking about?” she sounds like she’s about to cry, “Stop! Get up. Fuck me. I’m going to lean here and you stand there and stick it to me… from the back. And play with my tits, and rub my clit…”

I stood up behind her and grabbed onto her tits, “We need a rubber.”

“Fuck. A rubber,” she turned around and sat on the armrest of the couch, “Where are the condoms? Do we have condoms? Oh my god, I need to go buy some condoms! FUCK! Nooo!” she whined, “No, we need to fuck!”

“Wait! We have rubbers, you bought some,” I’m a fucking genius. She just bought some today… or was that yesterday? Or last week? Or last month? Fuck. Where am I?

“Where? WHERE? Help me find them!” she ran around the apartment, trashing the place as she looked.

“I found them!” I grabbed a box from the counter, if I remembered how to read I’d be certain that’s what I have, “Right?”

“Right! Yay! Good! Condoms! Now what?”

“Now I put it on. And you lean there and I stand here and I just…” I started to grind, “Just fucking do it!” She leaned against the couch and I grabbed onto her tits before pounding inside of her. She moved with me, to the same beat, holy fuck. “Fucking… on coke…”

“Shut up! Stop talking, I’ll fucking kill you!” she screamed before moaning and screaming louder than I’ve ever heard anyone scream before.

“You like that, huh? You like my dick, tell you me fucking like it.”

“I need it, I need your cock. I love it. UH… you fucking asshole! Keep going! Don’t ever fucking stop.”

I grabbed onto her waist, pushing into her further, “Take it bitch.”

“I’m your fucking bitch, give it to me!”

I attached my lips to her back, biting and sucking it forcefully. “I’m fucking cumming.”

Ash screamed as she came and fell down on the couch as I pulled out of her. She started breathing heavily, “I can’t fucking move, I’m going to die. I want to die.”

Fuck, the crash. I forgot about the fucking crash. When you feel like complete shit and can’t move. Ashlee crawled into the fetal position, hugging onto her legs tightly. “I can’t fucking breathe.” My brain feels like it’s about to burst out of my skull. 

“Shut up,” she answered softly, she sounds like she’s crying, “I want to die, kill me. Please just kill me.”

The idea of talking takes up too much energy. I’m tired, I feel like I haven’t slept in months, but I can’t sleep. I feel like a fucking zombie. I crawled into a ball on the ground, unable to get up and make it to bed or even the couch a foot away from me. Now I know why I stopped. I’m never doing this shit again.