I woke up shivering with the worst hangover feeling I’ve ever had. I was afraid to open my eyes, but reluctantly I did and saw that I was lying on the ground completely naked. That could have something to do with why I’m freezing. I sat up and grabbed my jeans, looking around at Ashlee’s apartment that looks completely trashed. I don’t remember exactly what happened, except that we got our hands on some blow. She’s lying on the couch in the fetal position, now she’s twitching. I have a feeling that’s not a good sign.

“Ash,” I called her name softly, scared of the reaction I’d get if I wake her. I know last night, or this morning technically, she was pretty fucked up. I fell asleep so I’m not really sure if she got over that. But she is twitching, that can’t be good. “Ash.” She jumped up quickly, looking around as if she’s lost in her own apartment. “Are you alright kid?”

She looked at me for a second, wiped her eyes and sniffled before looking down to see she wasn’t wearing any clothes. She ran her hands over her nose and stood up, walking slowly into her room.

I decided to follow her since she looks more fucked up than I am, “Are you alright? You were twitching.”

Ashlee pulled a shirt on and a pair of panties before walking past me into the living room again. She’s looking for something, “We trashed the place, huh?” I laughed, still nothing. “Are you looking for something?”

“Obviously,” she answered under her breath, going through drawers.

Obviously. She’s back to being a bitch.  “Can I help you look for it?” My mama always told me you catch more bees with honey than vinegar.

She took a deep breath, glaring at me, “The blow, what happened to it? Did you take it?”

“I don’t think there was any left…”

“How was there none left? I had an eight ball and we hardly did any.”

I laughed, “Ash, we did a lot.”

“Well what the fuck? I need more.” The whining is back as she fell to the couch, “We can go get more, can you get more?”

“I can’t leave,” I answered, and I’m not so sure we should have more. I want more, that shit is so fucking addictive, but that crash was fucking horrible and I’ve learned my lesson from before, it’s better to stop as soon as you can because the crash only gets worse.

“I’ll go get some then, I need more. Do you know anyone that can get us more? Why aren’t you talking? Don’t you want more?”

“I do, but I mean, that crash was fucking horrible.”

“That’s why you take more so you won’t crash,” she answered simply, “Dude, I need more.”

“Do you remember how it felt? You wanted me to kill you.”

“And you didn’t, so move on. Now I need more.”

“I just think maybe we should wait a little while. By tomorrow, if you’re still craving it you can go get some, but try to let it pass. You have school, right?”

“Fuck school, I’m not going. I didn’t do my homework,” she said as she went to find some weed. This girl has some serious problems, and I sure as fuck did not hide out here to help her with all her shit. “Stop looking at me like that, all judging. You fucking did it too, and you know you want more. Stop acting like you’re better than it and give in to it. It’s much easier if you do.”

“I still think we should wait.”

“What are you my fucking mother telling me not to do drugs?”

Her mother, the crack head? “Did your mother tell you not to do drugs?”

“She’s a mother, they all tell you not to. She’s not an exception.”

Stargirl is talking about her as if she’s still alive, “I thought she was dead.”

She took a deep breath as if she’s fed up with me, “Fuck off, stop asking about her.” She leaned her head back as she took a puff, closing her eyes and letting the weed take her over.

I sat down on the chair across from the couch and ran my hands through my hair. The silence is very unlike her and it makes me worry a little, “Where are you from Stargirl?”

“Here.” She sat up and passed the joint over to me. “Where are you from Atticus?”

“Tennessee,” I answered before taking a drag.

She laughed and sat sideways leaning against the armrest, “You had an accent when you said that.”

I nodded my head; she seems to be in a much better mood. Maybe she’ll forget about the coke, which would be the best possible situation. “It happens.  You don’t have an accent for someone who has lived in New York your whole life.”

Ashlee shrugged, as she held her hand out for the joint, “The New York accent makes people sound stupid. I’m not stupid. I am hungry though,” she raised a finger in the air, “I want pizza. Pepperoni and cheesy goodness.”

Pizza sounds really fucking good right now. Food in general sounds really good right now. Stargirl got up and looked around for her phone but I just sat back and let the high come over me. This shit makes me feel better, the crash was still bothering me but now I’m good. My nose is a little fucked up though, I will say that.

“Hey, I want a large pizza with pepperoni… olives… cheese… mushrooms and… um… that’s good. That’s it, oh wait. Atticus, what do you want?”

“You’re going to eat a whole pizza?” I asked with a laugh, but she just looked at me like I was crazy. “Get some breadsticks or something.”

“OK, and breadsticks. And coke. Lots, and lots of coke,” she finished with a giggle. “Forty five minutes,” she told me after she hung up her cell phone, grabbed the joint from my hand and fell back on the couch. “What’s in Tennessee? That space needle thing, right?”

I laughed and went to sit on the couch with her before grabbing the joint from her hand, “Yeah, I guess. There are far more exciting things in Tennessee than that space needle.”

“Like?” she moved her legs to my lap and sat up, “What’s more exciting? Dollywood?”

“Dollywood?” I asked out of disbelief, “Are you serious? Elvis, Graceland, the home of the Blues, barbeque, fishing, shooting potatoes with shot guns.”

“What?” she laughed, “Shooting potatoes with shotguns?”

“Yeah. Someone throws it in the air, or you get a potato shooter, and then you shoot at it with a shotgun.” I stopped when she laughed; she’s in a real good mood. I don’t know where it’s coming from, probably the weed, but I’m all for it. “It’s fun. Don’t knock it until you try it.”

“Ok,” she smiled before running her hands through my hair, “Sounds like lots of fun.”

“It is. So tell me about you, Ashlee. I’ve been here for a week and I know nothing, you’re very mysterious.”

“Mysterious?” she laughed, “I guess. You’re more mysterious. It’s like you’re completely different from what I’m supposed to think you are.”

Ash rested her head on my shoulder; she’s getting pretty close for someone that doesn’t like cuddling, “What are you supposed to think I am?”

“I don’t know, like a pretty boy, boy next door who does anti-drug commercials and flosses everyday.” I laughed as did she, “Or twice a day.”

“I’m going to let you in on a big secret, and you have to promise me you’re not going to ever tell anyone.”

Two of her fingers were thrown in the air, “Cub Scout Honor.”

“I never floss, I hate it. But, I figured out how to trick the dentist. And this is the part that you can’t tell anyone because I don’t want it getting around. You floss right before you go to the dentist, then the dentist thinks you’ve been flossing the whole time,” she laughed, “I’m serious, it works. Every time I go in he tells me what a great job I do flossing.”

She kissed my neck before speaking, “I’m going to try that next time I go.”

“Don’t mention my name, don’t take me down with you.” Now she’s giggling, I didn’t think she was the kind of girl that would be giggling. “How’d we get back to me? We’re talking about you. Tell me about you.”

“I love chocolate,” she kissed my neck again before pulling back to look at me, “Warm chocolate, like hot fudge or hot lava cake oooh. Yum. But I hate like a box of chocolates.  I like cherries too, but I hate pulp! Oh god, I hate it. It’s a texture thing, it just grosses me out. Ugh, thinking about it makes me want to gag. I don’t know how to drive. I’ve lived in the city my whole life and have no desire to learn, or leave for that matter.”

This is all good information but not exactly what I meant when I said I wanted to know more about her. She’s got a wall up, that’s for damn sure. I’ll have to ask it myself, “How old were you when your brother died?”

 “My brother?” she’s looking at me like I’m the crazy one here, “I don’t have a brother.”

“You had a brother?” she’s shaking her head. “You said your brother killed himself and you wish you could have said goodbye.”

“Oh yeah,” Ash laughed before kissing my neck again, “You were ready to jump. It got you off the edge. Nothing else was working.”

I took a deep breath, now I feel like everything is a lie. I get that it’s not exactly something I should be complaining about. “What about your mother?”

“I’m a good bowler, I don’t even need the bumpers.”

“Why are you changing the subject?”

“I just don’t want to talk about it. You don’t want to talk about your mother so why do I have to talk about mine?” And the good mood is over.

“You don’t” I ran my hands through her hair, “You’re father?”

“I’m horrible at rollerskating or rollerblading. The whole idea of those little wheels on your feet freaks me out. I can skateboard though.”

I figure I’ll just go along with it since she obviously does not want to talk about her family at all. I am intrigued though. I wonder if they’re dead or she just has a shitty relationship with them.  “I feel like you would be a good skateboarder.”

“Thank you,” she answered softly, “What’s your favorite part about Tennessee?”

“That I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want and no one gives a shit.”

“Then why don’t you move back home instead of jumping off the roof of my apartment building?” she’s got that sexy smile that goes right through me.

“Because I’m going to my island in the middle of the ocean.”

She laughed, “As opposed to the island in the middle of the desert?”

“Don’t be smart little lady,” I laid her down and kissed her softly, just as the asshole pizza delivery guy knocked on the door.

Ashlee is awful giggly today, I kind of like it. “Go hide. No, stay. I’ll put a blanket over you, play dead.” Before I could object the sheet was covering me. I grabbed my wallet from my pocket and held it out for her.  I closed my eyes trying to figure out what my life has come to that I’m hiding under a sheet as the pizza guys comes to bring me lunch. I felt Ash grab my dick in her hand and heard her giggle again. She sat on me, straddling my waist, and I felt her lips on my, kissing me through the sheet. She pulled away the sheet and smiled, kissing me on the actual lips this time. “The pizza is here.”

“I figured, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I sat up and Ash sat down on my lap, grabbing me a piece of pizza for herself and one for me.

“You’re in a good mood today, huh?”

“I’m always in a good mood.”

I had to laugh at that, “Always huh? I like this side of you, without the black eyeliner and being angry at the world.”

“Shut up,” there was a definite eye roll there. She pushed me away before taking another bite of her pizza. It’s very possible I just ruined this whole thing. I followed her gaze to see she was looking at the mirror from the night before, “I just want a little more.”

“It’s already been…” I paused to look at the clock, “nine hours. Wait it out, it’ll be gone soon.”

“No,” she shook her head as she grabbed another piece of pizza, “Once I crashed for like four days.”

“From splitting an eighth?”

“No, more than that. A lot more than that.”

I nodded my head; I’ve had some pretty bad trips myself. It wouldn’t be so bad if the shit weren’t so addicting. I hate how it takes over your fucking life so fast, it’s all you can think about. “Do you do it a lot?”

She shook her head, “Not really. My dealer does weed, but sometimes he gets some blow, not that much. He hooks me up though when he gets it he saves me some. He lets me know, but that shit’s expensive so… I can’t do it too much.”

I finally feel like she’s opening up. Not much, but it’s something. “I haven’t done it in awhile.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” she laughed, “you were tweaking.”

“I was not.” I think I handled it pretty well. I wasn’t any worse off than she was.
         “Yeah huh, you kept waking up, like shooting up and complaining about bugs on you.”

“I did not.”

“You did. Trust me,” she kissed my lips gently, “It’s cool, it was funny. You passed out right away; I don’t know how you do that by the way. I’m up all night fucking seeing ghosts and shit.” She stopped to laugh; I don’t know how that’s funny. It fucking sucks, I felt like my whole brain was trying to get out of my skull. I couldn’t feel my face, or my hands. It was a constant pain, like I would have rather died. I wouldn’t exactly call the whole crashing experience funny.

“And you’re waking up like every twenty minutes. Popping up like you just fucking saw God, complaining about bugs on you,” she continued laughing, “Or once you said SHIT! I left the car on! Like you even have a fucking car.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“You probably wouldn’t. So I’m screaming at you, I’m like SHUT THE FUCK UP ATTICUS. There’s no fucking bugs! You don’t have a fucking car! Shut up or I’ll throw you out the fucking window! And you go, fucking window. All loopy and mellow and shit, and you get up and you’re like that’s why the bugs are coming in, the fucking window.”  Ashlee is still laughing, but she’s back to the bitchy tendencies, that’s for damn sure.

A few hours later I found myself with a hood over my head on the roof drawing the moon. I actually enjoy the time out here looking up at the moon and all the lights of the city. No one is ever out here so it’s good to get some fresh air and not have to deal with anyone. I looked over at Ash who was sitting next to me, tapping her foot uncontrollably and biting all her fingernails off. I don’t think she’s been able to sit still all fucking day. Now she’s rubbing her hands together and blowing in her hands.

“It’s fucking cold.” She’s shivering, wearing her own zip up hooded sweatshirt, with her hood up as well. If anyone came out here they’d probably think we just robbed a bank.

“I’m almost done,” I answered truthfully. Maybe if she could sit still I’d be able to draw the fucking moon without having to erase it ever other second when she hits my arm and makes me mess up.

“I just want a little more. Like one line, and I’ll never mention it again,” she sniffled as she spoke. She’s been talking about this bullshit all fucking day. I honestly think if she didn’t mention it every minute I’d be ok, but when it’s all she’s talking about she’s making me crave it bad.

“Stop fucking talking about it! There’s no more. Stop.”

I got an evil glare and she stood up to get away from me. “I’m fucking trying. I just need to smoke and then I’ll go to sleep and I’ll be fine.” The wind blew her hood off and her hair blew out making her look like she’s at a photo shoot or something. She’s got that natural beauty, it’s not the kind that turns every guys head when she walks in the room, but if you really look at her she’s gorgeous. And those eyes. She’s got those fucking eyes that tell everything. If she’d let you actually look in them for more than a couple seconds before she turns away they tell everything.

“Come on, I’m done.” I stood up and followed her to the door. Her hands were in the pocket of her sweatshirt and she was still sniffling, moving her shoulder to scratch her nose instead of taking her hands out of her pockets.

We walked through the hallway when I saw a man walking towards us. I was about to run back outside but that would be too obvious. As he got closer I realized he had to be at least eighty, I’m sure he has no clue who the fuck I am. I pulled my hood further down my face just in case.

“Hi, Mr. Johnson.” Ashlee said with a smile, “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing good hunny, how are you? I haven’t see you in a long time.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with school and stuff,” she sniffled again, “How’s Buster?”

“Great, still biting at the couch. Are you sick?”

Ash nodded her head, “Just a little cold.”

I noticed the man’s eyes on me, looking me over intently, “Who’s your friend?”

“Oh, this is uh… Atticus. He’s a friend from home, he’s just here to visit for a few days.”

Mr. Johnson nodded his head, keeping his eyes on me, “Nice to meet you son.”

I grabbed onto his extended hand, “Thanks, you too.”

“Well…” Ashlee started but was interrupted.

“You shouldn’t wear your hood up like that. I’ll never understand why you kids do that. If you weren’t a friend of Ashlee’s I’d have gone and called the cops already, thinking you were going to rob me.”

“Sorry, it’s cold outside.”

“Well you’re inside now son, take it down.”

I took a deep breath, I’ve always been taught to respect my elders, and I understand that this might look bad but if someone recognizes me this hiding out thing will be over. I can’t even imagine going back to the real world where I’m depressed all day and ready to kill myself. But this guy is eighty years old.  He doesn’t know who the hell I am, there’s no way he does. I pulled my hood down slowly and gave him a quick smile, sniffling myself.

“Much better,” he smiled and shook my hand again, “You’re sick too, I’ll bring you two by some medicine.”

Ash shook her head, “No, no thanks though. We have some we’ll be fine. I think we both need to go to sleep.” Now she’s twitching again, it’s not too obvious but there’s a definite shake.

“Sweetie, maybe you should go to the doctors. You’re burning up, and you look like you’re shaking.”

“Yeah, definitely, I’ll go tomorrow. I’m just going to go lay down now,” she scratched her nose, “It was nice seeing you. Tell the Mrs. I said hi. I’ll come by, maybe next week, and she can help me with the knitting. I just have a lot due in the next week or so. Alright, we’ll see you later, bye.”

Ashlee ran off before she even finished talking and left me with Mr. Johnson, “How long are you here for son?”

“I’m not exactly sure, a little longer.” I answered watching Ashlee enter her apartment, leaving me alone.

“Are you in school too?”

“No sir.”

He nodded his head, “You look awful familiar.”

Great, fucking great. Even the hundred and twenty year old neighbors know who the fuck I am. “I just have one of those faces, I get that a lot. I better go check on her, it was nice meeting you.”

I left before he could respond and found Ash lighting a joint when I walked in. “God, I was fucking geeking.”

“Yeah, you alright?”

She nodded her head running her hands over her face before holding out the joint for me. I shook my head and she put it back to her mouth, “Why not?”

“I need to sleep, I’ll be up all night.”

Ash rested her head against the back of the couch and took another deep breath, “I’m going to bed as soon as I finish this so I wake up for class tomorrow. Thanks for doing my astronomy. You need new clothes, you’ve been wearing that same shit every day.”

“I wash it,” I answered with a shrug. It’s not like I came here with an overnight bag. I didn’t exactly plan on moving in with this girl I met on the roof of her apartment while I was trying to kill myself. “What’s the deal with that guy?”

She shrugged, “He just lives down the hall with his wife, they just got a new puppy that’s out of control. I go by sometimes and help them train him. And Mrs. Johnson’s teaching me how to knit.”

That surprises me. I never expected Ash to be one of those people that willing hangs out with her elderly neighbors. I’ve been thinking that a lot, I think it’s safe to say she’s not what she seems.  I’m worried about the old guy. I probably shouldn’t be, but he says he’s going to come by. Either he realizes who I am and calls the cops or he comes in and sees us snorting or smoking a bowl and calls the cops. Either way, we’re fucked.