I’m beginning to be able to breathe from my nose again. I haven’t even been thinking about the blow, ok, so I just woke up two minutes ago and I’m thinking about it already. Shit. Ashlee’s already gone; I would imagine she went to school. I’m getting really good at sleeping though all her noise. She talks in her sleep, I swear she has fucking conversations with herself. There are weird noises she makes too, but I won’t even get into that. She’s a weird girl, that’s for damn sure. But I’m pretty sure I slept all night, without hearing the noises at all. And she doesn’t believe it being quiet when she gets up either, so I’m a little surprised to wake up without her still asleep next to me.

It is possible I’m getting a slight case of cabin fever. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely good to be hiding out and have nobody bother me. But I’m really missing going out in the sunlight. I feel like a vampire, or what I would imagine a vampire would feel like. My other option is to go home and get back to the real world. If I were to do that, everything is going to go absolutely crazy. I haven’t watched the news in a couple of days but last time I heard people seem to thing I disappeared into thin air. I still think people should focus on more important things and leave me the fuck alone.

I spent the day going through Ashlee’s music collection and looking through her bookshelf. She has a lot of books. Once again, she doesn’t strike me as the kind of person that likes to read. I need to stop assuming things about her because she’s definitely proven me wrong on everything. I grabbed To Kill A Mockingbird and decided that would be a good way to waste my time. I’ve never been much of a reader, basically because I don’t have enough time to read. But now I have all the time in the world so I guess I should start with a classic.

When Stargirl came home she took a deep breath and leaned against the door after she closed it. “Worst day fucking ever.”

Great, it looks like I’m going to get crazy Ashlee today. “What’s wrong?” I feel like every girl wants the guy to ask what’s wrong even if we obviously don’t want to get into details. I’ve become real good at pretending I’m listening. It’s taken many years but I’ve finally got it down to a science.

She took a deep breath before answering and I knew I was in for a long explanation, “Well first of all, my professors are idiots and one gave us like a pop exam. She never fucking told us there was going to be an exam. I don’t know why no one else complained, I was the only one that gave a shit.” Possibly because it wasn’t a pop exam. I doubt a professor would just give them an exam without any warning. I’m obviously, not going to mention that to her although I think it’s possible all that weed is killing her brain cells already. “Then my fucking astronomy teacher wouldn’t take my drawing because it’s late even though I clearly told her I was sick.”

“You were sick huh?” I asked with a smile. Sure, she was sick... or stoned out of her mind.

“Oh shut up, she didn’t know. I was fucking sniffling the whole time,” Ash said as I moved my legs and she sat down on the couch before I placed my legs back on her, “So whatever, fuck her. So then I went to get some more food and I went to get you some more clothes because you fucking smell.”

I pulled her down so she was lying on top of me, “How are you going to tell me I smell?”

“You do smell,” she answered seriously before letting the slightest giggle out. “But at least you’re shaved,” she continued, running her hand over my face, “Doesn’t it feel good? Seriously, you don’t even look a little homeless.”

“I was going for the homeless look. It’s easy, I don’t have to work for anything, and I figure it’s better than the black eye makeup and dyed hair.”

Most people would take that as a joke and move on, but not Stargirl. She grabbed a piece of my skin by my neck and pinched it tightly, “Don’t be an asshole.”

All right, she needs to let it go that fucking hurts. You would think someone as sarcastic as her would pick up on sarcasm, but my sarcasm always seems to get me in trouble. When my mother made me go to a therapist that one time he told me I use sarcasm as a defensive mechanism. I said Wow, really? I had no idea. He didn’t find it too funny.

“Alright, let go!” I tried to move her hand away but she’s fucking strong, especially when I’m lying on my back and she’s on top of me.

“Apologize.”

“I’m sorry Ashlee, let go!”

“That’s right.” She answered before standing up and walking into the kitchen. I guess she showed me whose boss. “Get off your ass and come look at what I got.”

I did as I was told, basically because she scares me just a little and I don’t want to get pinched again. There were a bunch of bags on the counter but Ashlee hit my hand away when I went to look inside. She just told me to look at what she got and now that I’m up off my ass she won’t let me look. I swear this girl is crazy.

She smiled as she went through a bag, throwing articles of clothing at me as she pulled them out, “Shirt, shirt, sweatpants, sweatshirt, shirt, jeans, shampoo… stop using mine it’s expensive. Toothbrush… you’re disgusting.”

“I’ve been brushing my teeth.”

“With what?”

“Your toothbrush,” I answered with a smile.

“You better not fucking touch my toothbrush. That’s disgusting. You’re disgusting,” she laughed when I shrugged, “I can never tell if you’re serious or not.”

“I know,” I nodded my head and stood in front of her, “I’m a hard read.”

“You’re hard in a lot of ways,” she grabbed onto my crotch.

“No I’m not,” I looked down.

“Soon,” she gave me an evil smile, “I got food, and some subs from down the street. They’re real good. Do you want to eat now? You can eat them or you can eat… me.”

I laughed as I grabbed a sub from her hand, “You’re horny as fuck, always.”

“I am not!” she grabbed the other sandwich and followed me to the couch sitting down on my lap. “Are you getting bored yet?” I shook my head. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored. Or at least I’d take being bored over going crazy with my old life. It’s kind of weird that I’m referring to my life as my new life and my old life. It’s only been a few days.

“Are you getting bored?”

“Yeah, sometimes. Oh fuck! I forgot the best part!” she slapped my arm a little too hard and stood up to grab her purse. She’s violent too, fucking crazy and violent. “So I went to find my dealer because we need more weed. So I got it,” she pulled out a bag and threw it at me, “And, guess what else he had?” I didn’t have time to guess, she had already pulled out the bag of powder. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile so big. If there was any other reason that she’s smiling it would be absolutely gorgeous, but this reason makes it look almost evil.

“That’s… nice,” I thought I was done thinking about it but seeing that bag of dust right in front of me makes me want it so bad. It’s above want, I need it. I fucking need it. “The crash…”

“Oh, the fucking crash!” she answered sarcastically, “Don’t do it then, you don’t have to do it. No one’s making you do anything. Besides, I told him about the crash because I knew you’d be bitching like a little girl so he gave me some Prozac, he said it’ll ease the crash.”

That’s about all I need to hear. I want it. “Give me some.”

Ashlee smiled and grabbed her mirror along with the already rolled up dollar bill. She formed a line, closed her left nostril and snorted the first line before closing her eyes and throwing her head back. I did a line and closed my eyes, letting the feeling come over me. I fucking love this shit.

We had conversations like I’ve ever had before. It was like we were sitting around waiting for something exciting to happen. We knew it would happen at some point, so we just entertained ourselves until it did. Whenever the high started to disappear we did another line. The more we took the better we felt. Everything was funny; Ashlee was fun, not annoying. I felt like I would be able to fly if I were to try.

“Alright let’s fuck. I’m ready” I grabbed the glass from Ashlee and took one more line after she did. I placed the glass on the table and looked to see she had already undressed herself and was ready to go before I even finished my line.

“Lay down,” she ordered as she pulled my clothes off. I lay on the couch and Ash straddled my waist falling on top of me so I could easily enter her. “Fuck!” she shouted, riding on top of me. I moved my hands up to massage her tits and she placed her hands over mine. She leaned over me and my hands moved down to her legs, as there was a knock on the door.

Ash froze and started to act paranoid. It has to be a combination of the drugs and the fact that she thinks we’re going to get caught fucking. “Keep going, why are you stopping?”

She didn’t answer, instead she put her hand over my mouth so I couldn’t speak. The knocking continued, “Ashlee sweetie, are you in there?” it’s that old guy, I can tell by the voice.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck fuck!” she screamed in a whisper.

I pushed her hand away from my mouth, “What’s the big deal? Don’t answer it. Come on, keep going,” it’s not right to get a man going and then just stop.

“No, they’ll come in. They’ll fucking come in. Shit.”

“They have a key?” she nodded her head and crawled off me, “Why the fuck do they have a key?”

“I get locked out, all the time. I forget my keys,” she ran her hands through her hair wandering around the apartment looking for her clothes, “Shit, why is this happening?” the whining is back. “Hold on, one second,” she called out as she pulled a tank top and a pair of sweatpants over her naked body and threw a blanket at me, “Just pretend you’re sleeping.”

“Chill the fuck out, act normal” I grabbed the bag of powder and stuffed it between the cushions of the couch just in case he decides to come in.

I heard her take a deep breath before answering the door, “Hi, oh hi! Sorry! I was just… doing… the… laundry! And I didn’t know you were knocking. Yeah. Sorry! Hi!” she’s acting fucking crazy.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah! Well no. A little. Still a little… clogged.”

“Is your friend Atticus still here?”

“Atticus? Oh yeah! Atticus. He’s still here. He’s sleeping. He’s sick… very sick.”

“Well I brought you some medicine for that cold. You should make sure you take some. If you’re not feeling better by tomorrow you should go to the doctors.” He’s so sweet, but he needs to get the fuck out of here. It’s only a matter of time before Ash does something stupid enough that he realizes what she’s on.

“Oh! Thank you! How cool! I’m going to drink it all. Well, not drink it all. You know what I mean. OK! Bye!”

“Wait sweetie,” I heard him speak softly.

Shit, shit, fuck. He knows something’s going on. He better not come in because I can’t close my eyes and pretend I’m sleeping. My eyes won’t fucking close. I’m trying real hard but they will not fucking close. Not even to mention this boner that will not go down. I need to think of my grandmother but I can’t even remember who my grandmother is right now. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he continued, “Your eyes are jolting all over the place, you’re burning up. Why don’t you come back to our apartment and let us watch over you for the night. If things don’t get better we’ll take you to the doctors in the morning.”

“Oh no! That’s ok! I’m ok. WE’RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE HERE TOMORROW!” why the fuck is she screaming? “I mean, we’re going to his house. So don’t… come… here… looking for us. We won’t be here!”  She’s talking normal and screaming at the same fucking time. This dude needs to leave. “Thank you! For the… Nyquil. We’ll be better. Yay! Bye!” thank god I heard the door shut.

I sat up and watched her walking around the room like she’s lost. “What the fuck was that?”

“Oh! Hi! God, I didn’t know where you were. Why were you hiding?”

“I’m not fucking hiding. You’re crazy. Come over here, I’m as hard as a fucking rock.”

“He brought me Nyquil. Do you think that works? I have a stuffy nose.”

“It’s from snorting, it’s not going to work. Shut up and get over here.”

She walked towards me slowly, as if she wasn’t sure if she should come or not. “Oh yeah! The fucking blow! Where is it? What happened to it? I need a little more, and then we can finish fucking.” I grabbed the bag from the couch, anything to shut her up and speed this along. It’s starting to fucking hurt. She snorted a line quickly and I sat up to do another, closing my eyes as the feeling came over me again. When I opened my eyes she was back to her birthday suit and positioning herself over my dick. I put my hands on her hips and pushed her down so I could get inside of her. She bounced on top of me quickly, screaming like a porn star until she reached her spot and I felt myself explode inside her.

Ash rolled off me, breathing heavily and stood up walking around in circles. I sat up and watched her; I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing. Now she’s giggling and sitting back down on the couch next to me, “Dude, the fucking toaster is singing. Do you hear it?”

The toaster is singing? She’s more fucked up than I thought. Toasters don’t sing, I know that for a fact. OK… fuck, her toaster does sing. It is singing. I’ve never known of a toaster that could sing before. I know toasters can’t sing. I know it’s the fucking blow that’s telling me a toaster can sing. But I can hear it. I can fucking hear the toaster singing Jesse’s Girl by Rick Springfield. The best part is the toaster’s impression is dead on.

“This is some good shit.”