Chapter Thirteen
I don’t where we were going.
All I know it was anywhere but my house until I got myself together.
The ride was silent except for the crying that I was doing.
It wasn’t until we were on the outskirts of Millington that Trace finally asked questions.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I sniffled, “About what?”
“Well for starters why I picked you up in front of Justin’s house bawling your eyes out.”
“I took your advice.”
“My advice? Wait, you mean you told him about Kaden?”
Tears were bound to fall from eyes once more, and I didn’t trust my voice at the moment. So all I did was shake my head yes.
“I take it didn’t go very well.”
“Nope. He told me we’re through.”
Trace reached over and grabbed my left hand as he continued to drive, “I’m sorry, Keel.”
“Do you want to know the weird thing? I’m glad I did it. I didn’t tell him for me or for him, I did it for Kaden. And I would do it again if I had too. But it hurts.” I said my voice breaking, “My god does it hurt.”
“Just give him some time to cool off and let this all register.”
“I know it’s a lot to process. But he said some pretty hurtful things in there.”
“He was just mad, Keel. He probably didn’t mean half of what he said.”
“I just want to forget about this whole thing.” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest and slid down in the passenger seat. “Thank you for coming to get me.”
“Not a problem.”
“Thank you for not taking me home right away. I just need to get myself together before I walk in there. I don’t want how I feel to jeopardize Kaden having a relationship with Justin. It’ll just give Justin more ammo to be pissed at me.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes before Trace spoke up. “You know I don’t know if I ever told you but you are a good mother. You did what you thought was best for you and your son and eventually Justin will see that, Keel. I know him.”
I just sat there. Honestly I don’t know if we’ll ever get past this. But you know it’s like I said before I would do it again.
All these years my reasons for doing what I did were somewhat selfish.
But my choices are just that. My choices.
At least now everything is out in the open.
The ball’s in his court now.
I have a son.
Not just a son, but a SIXTEEN year old son.
For sixteen years I never knew that I had one.
I was drawn from my thoughts when I heard my doorbell ring.
Now I don’t know if I should answer it.
The last time that I answered it I got major life changing news.
“Hold on.” I called as I walked to the door.
I looked through the peephole and saw Trace standing on my doorstep.
“Hey.” I said as I opened the door.
“Hey. How are you?”
“Uh, I’m not so sure right now.” I said rubbing the back of my head as I closed the door after he walked in.
“I’m glad she finally told you.” Trace said placing a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
He knew?
He knew that I had a son, and never bothered to tell me?
“You knew?”
“About Kaden, yeah I did.”
“How did you find out?”
“I would have never found out if I hadn’t of surprised her one weekend. She didn’t know I was coming to see her, and she opened the door, and there she was. Stomach and all.”
“And you never thought to tell me?”
How can he do that to me? I feel so betrayed.
“I’ve told her ever since I found out that she needed to tell you before it all got out of control. And when I left she told me she was going to call you.”
“Well obviously you knew she never did why didn’t you tell me?”
He could tell that I was getting pissed.
Like I don’t have a right?
Both of my best friends have been keeping something from me for so long.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you anything, Justin. And in case you forgot I’m her friend too.” He said raising his voice.
“How can you keep something like that from me?”
“She asked me too. I would have done the same if that had been you. And again I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything. That’s her business, and her decision.”
“So you condone keeping a son from his father? A father that WOULD have been there had he known? Do you know WHAT exactly you have deprived me of?”
“For the third time it wasn’t my place to say anything! And yes I know what you were missing out on. And no I don’t condone it! Every time I talked to her I always asked her to tell you until I was blue in the face. And she had her own reasons for doing what she did.”
“Her reasons aren’t good enough for keeping me away from my son.”
“She didn’t keep you from your son, Justin! You could have just as easily picked up the damn phone, or gone to see her, as easily as she could have. You don’t know how she felt after everything between you guys went down Justin. I was there. So imagine, being a teenager, having your heart shattered into a million pieces, and when you’re finally thinking you can move on, find out your pregnant?”
I shook my head. No, I refused to take pity on her. As much as I love her, I can’t get past this. Those are sixteen years that I can’t get back with my son.
“And incase you forgot telling someone that you’re pregnant with his child isn’t the kind of news that you want to give over the phone. And also you weren’t the easiest person to get a hold of in those days. Yes, I still believe that she should have told you before it blew up in her face like it just did, but you don’t know what she went through. And neither do I.”
“It hurts, Trace. You know how I was when I was without her. I’ve always known that she was my one. Always. And you know if she would have told me I would have given everything up, like that.” I said as I snapped my fingers.
And I would have. I loved her that much, and I hated not being with her. That would have been the information that could have changed my life.
And probably for the better.
If she would have told me those sixteen years ago, it would have been really easy to give up on everything because I had nothing to miss at that point. But who’s to say that I couldn’t have been there for my son, plus pursue my dreams?
She sure did.
But looking back on that now I know it would have been near impossible. I barely made it home for Christmas and Thanksgiving some years. I can only imagine the hell I would have caught for wanting to be there to see his first birthday party. I mean at that point in our careers me and the guys had to fight for a few days off if we were sick. So getting off to see a son’s first birthday was damn near impossible.
“You know as well as I do that her pride is her biggest down fall. She has too much of it. As much as she may have wanted you to do that, she would have never asked you. She knew how bad you wanted to be somebody, and how good you were at it. I know. But your being without her...that was completely your fault. You were the one that broke it off with her.”
“I know. And I’ve been sitting here thinking ‘What if she would have told me?’ And seriously what if she would have told me? Do you know how much different my life would be right now? I would be married to the woman of my dreams. I would have an amazing son, and probably more kids than just Kaden.” I said as I sat down on my couch. “God, Trace. I would probably have a…an office job.”
Trace laughed, “That’s a scary thought isn’t it?”
“The job part yeah, but everything else? It’s what I’ve wanted my whole life. The perfect family.”
“Haven’t you realized by now that no family is perfect? All families have problems, and you still have a chance at that family with Keeley.”
He’s right. I still have a chance at my family.
But I’m still hurting right now. We both are.
And I have a relationship to build with my son.
Right now that’s the only thing that I’m concerned about.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I could hurt someone like me
Out of spite or jealousy.
I dont steal, I dont lie, but
I can feel and I can cry.
A fact I bet you never knew.
But to cry in front of you...
That's the worse thing I could do.
Rizzo- Worse Things I Could Do
Out of spite or jealousy.
I dont steal, I dont lie, but
I can feel and I can cry.
A fact I bet you never knew.
But to cry in front of you...
That's the worse thing I could do.
Rizzo- Worse Things I Could Do
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