“Kaden can you shut the…” I asked my son as I grabbed the last of the bags, but I stopped when I realized I was talking to myself. “, door.” I said as I sat down some bags so I could close it myself. I swear all the kid could talk about on the way home was Justin. I smiled to myself as I grabbed the bags again and made my way into my mother’s house just in time to hear him telling my mother all about it.
“Gram, you would not believe who mom and I saw at the grocery store.” Kaden said with excitement as he pulled some things out of the one bag that he brought in.
“Elvis?” my mother replied as she saw me come in loaded down with bags, “Honey, let me help you. Christopher Kaden why didn’t you help your mother?” My mom scolded as she grabbed some of the bags and placed them on the counter.
“I did.” He said as he placed the eggs into the refrigerator.
“One bag? While your mother carried in fifteen?”
“I’m sorry mom. I was just so excited I wanted to tell Gram.”
I laughed at him, “Its fine. I know you’re excited.”
“So, anyway, are you gonna guess Gram?”
“Uh, Jerry Lee Lewis?”
“Gram, come on.”
“I’m all out of guesses. So tell me.”
“Justin Timberlake.” Kaden said with excited eyes, “Can you believe it?”
My mom looked back at me nervously, “You saw Justin?”
“Yeah, we did.” I said crossing my arms over my chest.
I could see my mom fidgeting with the dish rag that was on the counter before she actually picked it up and began to wipe down the clean counters, “Really? I haven’t seen that boy in ages! How is he?” she asked never looking up at me.
She knew he was here.
She knew he was here the whole time and she didn’t tell me.
“You knew he was here didn’t you?”
My mother looked up at me appalled that I would even accuse her of something of the sort, “No, I didn’t!” She said then she looked back down at the counter she was continuously scrubbing to get some invisible spot off, “Not exactly anyway.”
I reached over and grabbed the rag from her, “How do you not know exactly if someone isn’t here or not?”
“Well, Lynn might have mentioned it when we were having coffee the other day. I was telling her about how you and Kaden were moving back to Tennessee, and she mentioned something about Justin coming in for a while as well.”
“And this is something that you chose not to tell me?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, and stood identical to the way I was standing.
Damn that’s scary.
She smiled evilly, “I didn’t know you cared.”
“What?”
“You know what I said.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but closed it when I couldn’t say anything. Then I opened it again, “I…I don’t care. I just…I just thought that if you knew something like that you would have told me. That’s all.” I said as I grabbed the rag and began fidgeting with it not making eye contact with my mother.
I heard laughter coming from my son and I looked up at him, “Am I missing something here?”
The evil smile on my mothers face grew bigger as she turned to my son, “Has your mom ever mentioned Justin to you?” she asked as she looked back to me. I gave her the worst evil eyes I could manage. She snickered and turned back to Kaden.
“Well…no not really.”
“She never told you that she and Justin were best friends when they were little?”
“No not until today when we saw him at the store. She also said that you and his mother were friends as well.”
“Yes we are. So I guess your mother never told you that at one point in time they used to be…”
“MOTHER! I think you have said more than enough. Why don’t you go…do some thing?” I said cutting her off.
“What honey? Are you embarrassed?”
I heard Kaden laugh more and I playfully threw the dish rag at my mother, “Ugh, I have things to do.” I said as I walked out of the kitchen and upstairs to my room.
“Damn it!” I cried out as I tried to get to the phone before the machine picked it up. I had my teaching bags on my shoulder, my purse along with it, my car keys, and a few grocery bags in my hands as well. Not to mention that I almost fell on my face tripping over one of my son’s shoes.
So you can imagine the difficulty I am experiencing at the moment.
“Shit, shit, shit.” I said laying everything on the table, and quickly slipping out of my heels. I ran back towards the phone that was in the living room when I heard the machine click. Why my mother didn’t have one in the kitchen was unknown to me.
“Hey you’ve reached Bev, Keeley, and Kaden. Sorry we’re not able to take your call, but if you’ll leave a message we’ll be more than happy to get back to you.”
Then came the annoying beep, and I heard someone else’s voice.
“Hey Keel, it’s me Justin. I was just calling…” I reached the phone out of breath before he could finish the message.
“Hey Justin.” I said smiling as I put my hand up to my forehead trying to catch my breath. It had been a week since our encounter at the grocery store.
“Hey. Everything ok over there?”
“Yeah, yeah. I just…whew.” I said taking a deep breath and letting it out. “Sorry, I had to catch my breath.”
“That’s fine. What were you preparing for a relay race?”
I laughed, “No, I was literally walking through the door when you were calling. I had all this shit in my hands and I couldn’t pick it up, and I was trying to get to it before the machine got it, but obviously didn’t make it in time.”
“Sorry.” He said laughing, “Listen I was just calling to see if Kaden wanted to come over and jam. Is he around?”
“Well…” but I was cut off by the opening of the front door and seeing my son walk into the living room. Speak of the devil.
“Well what?” Justin asked.
“Well I was going to say that he wasn’t home yet, but he just walked in. Do you want to talk to him?”
“Sure.”
“Hold on.” I said as I took the phone from my ear and made the trek back into the kitchen where I found my son going through the refrigerator.
“Hey mom.” He said as he closed the door with sandwich meat, and mustard in his hands.”
“Hey sweetie.” I said as I placed a kiss on his cheek. “Someone’s on the phone for you.” I said handing it out to him.
He gave me a weird look, “Who?”
“Justin.”
His eyes widened and the immediately took the phone. “Hello?”
I rolled my eyes as he walked around me, and into the hallway leading toward the living room.
“No man, I’m not busy.”
I laughed hearing his end of the conversation. I began to go through the bags to put things away.
“No, I don’t think she’ll mind.” I heard him say
I winced as I walked toward the refrigerator waiting on my name to be bellowed, “MOM!”
I rolled my eyes as I put the Orange Juice into the fridge and walked down the hall where my son was taking over the living room.
“Yes?” I asked as I leaned against the door frame.
“Can I go to Justin’s to play some music?”
“I don’t mind.” I said.
“See I told you she wouldn’t mind.” Kaden said back into the phone then he took the phone back down and covered the mouth piece as he spoke to me, “He said you could come too.” He said as he wiggled his eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes, “I’ll walk you over so you know where it’s at.”
“Mom, its Justin Timberlake.”
“I know this.”
“He’s inviting you over to his house.” He said with a ‘duh’ expression on his face.
“I have been over to his house a million times before. This time is not any different.”
Except that we haven’t seen each other in sixteen years.
“Mom…”
“I’ll stay for a little bit.” I said cutting him off.
“She said she’d stay for a little bit.”
I heard as I walked back into the kitchen.
I shoved my hands into the back pockets of my jeans after I rang the doorbell. I had changed from my clothes that I wore to work into more comfortable ones which consisted of a pair of jeans and a black tank top. For the end of September in Tennessee it was still considerably hot.
“You’re nervous.” I said looking over at Kaden. “Don’t be. He’s nothing to be intimidated by.”
“Easy for you to say, you don’t idolize the guy. Seriously mom other guys may think I’m gay or don’t have any taste in music, but the guy is something when it comes to…” Both our heads turned to the opening of a door.
I immediately broke out into a smile as I saw the bright blue eyes of Lynn Harless.
“Oh my god!” she squealed pulling me into a huge hug swaying us both back and forth she pulled back as to give that famous look I was explaining when I received the same look from my mother. “You look so good honey. I can’t believe I’m actually seeing you! Your mom has been so ecstatic about you and…” she said as she looked away from me and over to Kaden. She got the mom look in her eyes and smiled, “You must be Kaden.” She said as she stood in front of him.
“Yes mamn.” He said smiling.
“It’s so good to finally meet you. I feel like you’re my own grandson with all the pictures, and all the talking that I hear about you. You practically are anyway since she’s like the daughter that I never had. I’m Lynn by the way. God I can’t believe I forgot to introduce myself with all the rambling I was doing.” She said as she pulled him into a hug as well.
I looked over at him and smiled as he smiled at me too. “You’re so handsome!”
“Thank you.” He said with a hint of blush on his cheeks.
“And so well mannered! Well, let’s go inside.” She said as she ushered as both inside. “Would either of you like anything to drink? Keeley if have some tea.” She said looking at me with a smile. Ever since I could drink I’ve loved her tea.
“Then how could I refuse?” I said smiling as I sat on a stool that was under the counter.
“Kaden would you like anything?” she asked as he sat down next to me.
“Could I have some water?” he asked very politely. I laughed to myself. He was always overly polite when he was nervous. I didn’t understand what he was so nervous about. But then again I knew them before Justin turned into a Mega pop star.
My attention turned to the staircase as I heard feet coming down them two by two in the foyer of the kitchen. I breathed inwardly as I saw it was Justin.
Damn the man for still having the ability to take my breath away. He paused in the doorway and smiled a huge smile as his mother placed a glass of tea in front of me and a bottle of water in front of Kaden. He walked over to me and placed a kiss on my cheek, “Hey Keels, Kaden.” He said as he looked over a Kaden. “I’m really anxious to see what you can do.” He said as he walked around the counter to his mother.
I saw Kaden gulp nervously and smile a smile that didn’t completely reach his eyes, “I’ve been excited about it ever since you mentioned it to me. Just a little nervous though.” He said fidgeting with the water bottle.
I couldn’t stand to see him so nervous, “Honey, it’s just Justin. He barely knows how to play a guitar. I bet you have more skill than he has in his pinky.” I said jokingly as I patted him on the leg.
“She’s right.” I heard Justin say as I looked up at him with a Thank you look in my eyes, “To an extent. I’m no Johnny Cash that’s for sure. But I know a little something, something. I have a couple guitars set up in our basement if you’re ready?”
I gave Kaden a squeeze of encouragement on the knee before he stood up, “Let’s go.” He said as he followed behind Justin to their basement.
I was broke out of my trance when I heard Lynn talking to me, “Honey, it’s so good to see you. And that boy is so gorgeous.” She said as she took Kaden’s spot in the seat next to me.
“Thank you.”
“I can’t believe you’ve done everything on your own.”
“Me neither.” I said with a laugh as I sat my glass down on the counter.
“I imagine it was hard. Being a single parent, college, money, and doing it all by yourself can be pretty stressful.”
“It was but it was all worth it at the end of the day. I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything in the world.”
And that was true. To an extent. I wouldn’t trade Kaden for anything at all. But I would change how I chose to raise him. I realize that not having a father can strongly affect you, and I should know. I’ve never even seen my father. It’s not like I would deny him seeing his father if he ever wanted too. He’s asked questions. I’ve answered them as good as I could.
But I know he gets the sense that I’m hiding something.
I know that it won’t stay hidden for long either.
March 1998
My hand reached up and flushed the toilet with my head still stuck in it. When I heard the water rushing down the toilet bowl I pulled my head out and slowly scooted myself so I could lean against the bathtub. I slowly leaned my head back to lean against the shower door. I closed my eyes hoping that I wouldn’t be planted here all day. I slowly pulled my head back up when I heard a soft knock on the door.
“Keel? Honey are you ok?” I heard my mother say as he poked her head in the door.
“Honestly, mom? No, I’m not.” I said as I began to slowly stand up.
“Do you want me to call you in at school?”
“Mom, I can’t miss any more days.” I said as slowly made my way toward the counter and looked myself over in the mirror. I looked like shit.
“Honey why don’t you just call him?”
I closed my eyes at the thoughts of Justin entering my head. I hadn’t thought of him all morning. “Mom, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well I want you to talk about it. Especially when it’s making you so sick.”
“Mom, I’m not making myself sick. It’s been two months since he left. I stopped crying my eyes out two months ago. I stopped driving myself crazy waiting for my damn phone to ring. I stopped staying up night after sleepless fucking night waiting on him to call.” I said with tears freely flowing down my face as I blew up on my mother. “I’m done!” I said as I threw my toothbrush that I had grabbed across the bathroom. I placed my hands on either side of the counter and steadied myself as I cried. I felt my mother’s arms wrap around me and pull closer to her.
“I know baby. I know.”
Most mothers would blow up on their daughters for using such language while talking to them. But that’s what made my mom different from all the others. She was awfully young when she had me she was fresh out of high school, and became like my best friend. We grew up together, and she understood everything that I was going through.
She pulled away from me and lifted my chin with her forefinger. She smiled sympathetically and began to wipe away my tears, “I need you to listen to me. Because what I’m about to ask you isn’t going to make anything any easier.”
I nodded my head yes fully ready to except what she had to say.
“I know this is none of my business, but maybe it would be the answer to why your sick.” She hesitated a bit before she continued. I had a feeling she was about to confirm my suspicions. “Have you and Justin ever had unprotected sex?”
Bingo. If she thought so, and I thought so. Then there was only one possible answer to the pregnant question.
“Honey you can answer honestly. I’m not going to be mad or disappointed. But I need to know so we can do this right, ok?”
“The night before he left. We went to that deserted lake, you know that…”
“Yes. I know.”
“Well, we…no we didn’t use a condom.”
“Honey why? You’re not even on birth control or anything.”
“I don’t know mom. Why didn’t you?”
Ok so maybe that was a little uncalled for. But I was right. Why doesn’t anyone use a condom? Especially when you’re caught up in the heat of the moment.
But anyone with a right mind wouldn’t have sex twice and not use one. Once was understandable, but twice?
“I’m sorry mom.”
“No, no, you’re right. I understand. That was kind of a dumb question to ask.” She said smiling at me.
“Well how about you come down to the hospital with me today and we’ll get you checked out alright? For all we know you could just have some virus going around, ok?” she said as she pushed some hair behind my ear.
We both knew there was no virus going around Millington.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns
This ring of fire...the ring of fire
Ring of Fire- Johnny Cash
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns
This ring of fire...the ring of fire
Ring of Fire- Johnny Cash
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