I smiled and let him in. “Hey.” I said as I closed the door.
I led him into the living room and we both sat on the couch. “So what’s up?” I asked crossing my legs.
“I just wanted to talk to you.”
I smiled and chuckled, “You could’ve called.”
“I didn’t want to wake anyone up.”
“And knocking on the door wouldn’t?”
He rolled his eyes at my sarcasm and smiled, “Well obviously I didn’t since you were already up.”
“I don’t mind. My mom’s still at work and Kaden’s in bed. So it’s just me and Nora Roberts tonight.” I said holding up my book.
“You still read her books?”
“Duh.”
“I always said you loved Nora’s men more than me.”
“Shut up.” I said hitting him in the shoulder with the book smiling.
“I’ve been dying to catch up with you. I’ve been busy for the past couple of days so this is the first chance I’ve had.”
“At 12:30 in the morning?”
“Well that’s the life of Justin Timberlake for you.”
“Whatever.” I said rolling my eyes.
“How’ve you been?” he asked turning serious.
“I’ve been very good actually.” I said putting up a strong front.
“That’s good.”
Part of me wanted to tell him…no SHOW him that I had done very well without him. I wanted to show him that I didn’t need him.
But the truth was I missed him. Part of me was missing for the past sixteen years. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of him.
The truth was I needed him in my life more than I thought.
The truth was I still loved him very much.
But the stubborn part of me wasn’t about to tell him that. That part of me wanted to make him as miserable as he made me.
I cleared my throat and tried to push these thoughts to the back of my mind, “So what about you?”
“I can’t complain. I’ve missed you though. You know I thought about you everyday?” he asked looking over at me.
“Really?” I asked trying to look impressed.
If he thought about me everyday why didn’t he pick up the phone to call me?
“Yeah I did.” He said smiling at me.
“So you thought about me but you couldn’t call me?”
“Keeley, I…”
I shook my head, “No, no I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”
“I deserved it.”
“Well if you say so.”
“I should have called you.”
“Well the phone works both ways.” I said.
Why was I practically defending him? When almost every word he said was right.
“Yeah I guess it does. But I’ve changed my phone number so many times that I can’t remember. And so has my mom.”
“Well it’s not like our mothers are mortal enemies or something. I could have got the number from her.”
Oh my god! Do you hear me?! I can’t believe what I’m saying.
“Ok so it’s both our faults.”
Well I guess so. But I wasn’t the one who asked to break up. If he wanted to keep this friendship together he was going to have to make the effort first. Not me. I didn’t want to seem desperate for him or something. That’s not my style.
To tell you the truth I was livid! I was so pissed the first two months he was gone and hadn’t called me. But just like I told my mother I was through. I couldn’t forget about him if I tried that’s for sure.
“Can we talk about something else?” I asked. I didn’t want to sound like a bitch, but all this…whatever you want to call it was beginning to give me a headache.
“Sure. What do you want to talk about?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sound bitchy. But there is something I want you to know. I want you to know that I don’t resent you anymore and I stopped being angry with you years ago.”
“You were angry with me?”
“Yeah I was. Believe it or not when you broke up with me I didn’t want to break up with you. I understand now more than I did then why you broke up with me. But it was still pretty sudden. I wasn’t expecting that at all.”
He smiled at me, “So I guess that means you forgive me?”
I smiled back, “I don’t know. I don’t think I should let you off the hook that easy.”
He grabbed my hand and held it in his. “Tell me what I have to do to make it up to you.”
I pretended to think hard, “I don’t know. You tell me.”
“How about I take you out to dinner? Your choice of restaurant and we’ll continue to catch up with each other. Say tomorrow night?” he said with a hopeful smile.
Ok now you tell me. Does that sound like a date to you? Does it sound like he wants it to be a date?
Because I don’t know! How do I tell if he wants this to be a just friend’s thing?
“Uh, sure.” I said nervously as I smiled.
He smiled triumphantly, “Alright. Say about sevenish?”
“Sounds good to me. I should dress up huh?” I asked as he stood up.
“If you want. Depends on where you want to go.” He said grabbing both of my hands and pulling me up off the couch. He pulled me closer to him, and wrapped his hands around my waist.
It’s amazing.
Sixteen years away from someone and you think you’re over them and come to find out they still have the same effect on you as they did before.
I loved it and hated it all at the same time.
I loved the butterflies that he sent back into my stomach.
I loved the feeling of his arms around me. He gave me this sensation when he held me that only he could give. Other men have held me before and none have given me the feeling that he gives when he holds me.
But I hate that he could make me want to forget about everything that happened between us that was bad.
I hate that I let him hold me this way.
I hate that he knew how to get to me.
And most of all I hate that my feelings for him haven’t changed.
He pulled back and placed a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow right?”
“Yep.” I said. That’s all that I could get to come out of my mouth at the moment.
“Ok. I think I’m going to leave now. I’m glad that we talked.” He said. He still had my hands in his and he squeezed them a little.
“Me too.”
As long as I kept it to short answers I was good. Otherwise I might say something that would be better left in my head. “I’ll walk you to the door.” I said pulling my hands from his as I pushed my glasses up further on my face, and walked around the couch and into the foyer.
I opened the door to let him step out and he turned back to me, “Bye Keeley. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.” I said smiling as I waved at him. Once he was out of my driveway I closed the door. I leaned my back against it, and hit my head against the door three times. I closed my eyes, smiled, and said out loud, “Holy shit.”
I locked the door behind me, turned off all the lights, and made my way upstairs to my bed.
At 5:30 the afternoon I was going through my closet. I had just gotten out of the shower and I still had my towel wrapped around my body. I poked my head out of my closet when I heard a knock on my door.
“Mom?” I heard Kaden say through it.
“Hold on sweetie.” I said as I fumbled to find something to put on. I grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and threw them on quickly. “Come in.” I called from my closet. I heard him enter the room.
“What are you doing?” He asked as he stopped at my closet door.
“I’m trying to find something to wear.”
“And that requires you to throw everything on the floor? It looks like Hurricane Keeley hit or something.” He said laughing at me. “Are you going somewhere?”
“Yes I am.” I said as I pulled down one of my many little black dresses. I held it up to inspect and threw it over my arm. Then I pulled down another one and held them both up to Kaden, “What do you think? Which one should I go with?”
I saw his face go blank with confusion. “Uh, they both look the same to me.” He said as he looked back and forth between the two and the back up to my face.
There was a difference but then again you couldn’t depend on a guy to figure it out. Both dresses had thin straps, both were black, and both showed enough cleavage to where I could get a second date if I wanted one. But both were very different. The one in my right hand clung to all the right places and ended three inches above my knee cap. And the one in my left was just…well it was sexy but not as sexy as the one in my right hand.
“There’s a difference. Now help me. Which one?” I asked as I shook the one in my right hand.
“Uh, I guess the right one.” He said pointing at the dress.
“Are you sure?”
“Mom, you obviously want to wear that one since you practically told me to pick that one.” He said rolling his eyes.
“But it might make him think that I want a relationship again.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled at me, “You mean a dress will tell him all that? Mom, get real.”
“Kaden a dress can tell everything about a woman.”
“Mom, it’s a dress.”
“Exactly it’s a dress. I thought you knew about the Language of a Dress?”
He laughed, “Apparently I don’t.”
“Well suppose you take a girl out and she’s wearing a dress like…this one.” I said smiling as I pointed at the dress in my right hand. I threw the left dress over my shoulder and continued, “This dress that the girl is wearing is…wow. It clings to all the right places, shows just enough cleavage, and just enough leg. What do you suppose she’s trying to say?”
“Um, I don’t know.”
“She’s trying to tell you that she wants more. If she didn’t want more she wouldn’t have went through all the trouble of looking sexy for you. Maybe it’s sex, maybe it’s another drink, or maybe she’s just trying to get you to pay for the whole date. Where as if it looks sexy but it’s not like jaw-drop-to-the-floor-eyes-pop-out-of-your-head-throw-her-up-against-a-wall sexy then she doesn’t like you, she wants to take it slow, or she’s out on a pity date.”
He laughed, “Wow. I never knew this.”
“That’s what you have a mother for my darling.” I said patting him on the shoulder. “Stay here. You’re going to be my judge.” I said as I walked into my bathroom and began to change into the dress.
I was so surprised that I could still fit into it. I smoothed it down and took a deep sigh. I opened the door and walked back into my bedroom and twirled around for my son to judge.
“So what do you think? Is it saying too much?” I asked as I stood in front of him.
“Well what do you want it to say?” He asked.
I rolled my eyes, “I didn’t ask you that.”
“So, you have to answer me. Answer me and I’ll tell you what it says to me.”
I sighed and fell onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling, “I don’t know what I want it to say. But I do know I don’t want to lead him on. He knows the Dress Language far to well.” I said rubbing my hands up and down my face. I sighed again and let my hands fall beside me. I closed my eyes, “I don’t want him to think that I just want to be friends and I don’t want him to think I want a relationship with him again. Does that make sense?” I asked as I opened my eyes and saw Kaden beside me leaning up on his elbow.
“Well, I guess it does in your own weird way.”
“Thanks.” I said sarcastically.
“The dress said to me that you look beautiful. That you’re a woman who deserves to be loved, and you want it. You deserve this mom. So just don’t think about it. I’m not blind enough to not see that look on your face. You look like you’re going on your first date.”
Ok, I don’t want to go on this long tangent where I gloat and wonder how the hell I got a son like this. But seriously how?
I reached up and touched his cheek, “Thank you.” I said as he got off the bed and grabbed my hands and pulled me up.
“Your welcome. Now come on you have to get ready.” He said as he got behind me and pushed me into the bathroom. “I’ll be out here watching TV on your bed. I’ll be your judge.” He placed a kiss on my cheek pushed me further into the bathroom and closed the door before I could say anything.
I turned and looked at myself in the mirror and sighed.
I did feel like I was going on my first date.
I was putting my mascara in my bag when I heard Kaden knock on the door, “Mom, Justin’s here.”
I felt the butterflies flutter around in my stomach and I felt like I was going to be sick. “Ok, you’ll walk down with me right?” I called through the door.
“Sure if you want me too.”
“Alright I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
I gave myself the once over in the mirror.
I straightened my hair and pulled some back into a clip. I had my make-up as perfect as it was going to get. I kept it simple with the make-up. It was just the simple black eye liner, mascara, blush, a little eye shadow, and foundation that most everyone went with their every day routine.
I took a deep breath and walked into my room.
Kaden turned off the TV and smiled at me, “You look good mom.” He said as he stood and walked over to me.
“Nervous?”
I smiled, “Naw.” I said waving my hand like it was nothing. Then I bit my lip and smiled nervously, “Well maybe just a little. But I shouldn’t be this is my best friend we’re talking about here.”
He chuckled and wrapped me in a hug, “It’s going to be fine I promise.” He said rubbing my shoulders reassuringly as he pulled away and placed a kiss on my cheek. “You ready?” He asked as he walked to my door and placed his hand on my door knob.
“Do I have a choice?”
“Not really.” He said opening it and waited for me to exit first.
I took a deep breath and walked through the door and made my way to the staircase. I was about to step down, but stopped. I felt Kaden come behind me and I knew there was no way I could run to my room and make it. So I stepped down anyway. I reached the base of the first flight and found Justin standing at the bottom talking with my mom.
Kaden cleared his throat and their attention turned to me and him walking down the stairs. Justin smiled and met me at the bottom with a hug.
“You look beautiful.” He said as he whispered in my ear.
“Thanks.” I whispered back, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”
He really didn’t. If there was any man who could look better than a chocolate fondue fountain it was him. He was wearing khaki slacks with a black sweater that…wow. It showed off some awesome muscles that he had grown into very well over the years. I mean I knew the man was built because he had done many shirtless magazine covers over the years. But it was one thing to see those muscles on a magazine than to see them accented nicely in by a black sweater in front of your face.
He pulled away and smiled, “So have you decided where you want to go?”
“How about we decide on the way there?”
“That sounds good to me. Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah just let me grab my coat.” I said as I made my way to the coat rack by the door. Kaden beat me to it and held up my coat so I could put my arms through it. “I’ve taught you well my son.” I said as I turned around and placed my arms through the sleeves. He brought the rest up to my shoulders and fixed my collar for me as I turned around.
“I learned from the best.” He said as he kissed my cheek then looked at Justin. “No fresh stuff with my mother.” He said in all seriousness.
Justin tried his best not to smile, “I promise.”
“I expect you in this door no later than one o’clock. I’ll be waiting.” He said as he placed another kiss on my cheek and smiled at me, “Have a good time.” He whispered in my ear as he hugged me.
“Thank you.” I said as I patted him on the back and pulled away. I turned to Justin and smiled, “Let’s go.” I said as Kaden opened the door for us.
“Have a good time kids!” I heard my mother call after us as we walked to Justin’s car. Once the door was shut to the house, Justin’s hand found mine as we continued to walk to the car.
With that touch I felt something that I hadn’t felt in sixteen years. He was the only man that with one simple touch could feel everything.
October 1997
I picked my head up off his chest and looked at Justin, “What’s with you? You’re awfully quiet.” I said as I started to place kisses up and down his jaw line.
He had just come home from the European Tour that he was on with Nsync. They were hugely popular in Europe and they had been across the pond for the majority of the year. But now he was here with me and he didn’t have to go back until after the New Year.
We were wrapped up in a blanket out by a deserted lake. Hardly anyone came to this lake, and it was mine and Justin’s favorite spot.
Thank god it was one o’clock in the morning and no one was out here. It would be pretty embarrassing considering we had nothing on under this blanket.
“I was just thinking.” He said.
I stopped with the kissing and looked into his eyes, “About what?”
He smiled, “You.”
I smiled back, “Oh yeah? What about me?”
“How much I love you. When you graduate and I get this Nsync thing going good here in America we’re going to make this forever.”
“Forever? Justin are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious. I love you and I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“That is true.” I said as I made myself comfortable on top of him and I smiled at him as I ran my fingers through his hair, “Because if it wasn’t for me you would have never entered that talent show in the third grade and you would have never got bit by the music bug.”
“I would have entered it with or without you.” He said smiling at me as he pushed some hair behind my ear.
“Yes, but you wouldn’t have won without me.”
“How so?”
“Oh how easy you forget Mr. Timberlake?”
“Well refresh my memory Future Mrs. Timberlake?”
Wow. That sent a chill down my spine, and a million butterflies into my stomach.
I smiled at him as I continued to run my fingers through his hair, “I like the sound of that.”
“Me too.” He said as he leaned up a little bit to place a light kiss on my lips, “Now tell me how you think we would have never won that talent contest without you?”
“Oh that. Well if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have never done Hanging Tough and you wouldn’t know all the choreography.”
“Whatever.” He said laughing as he rolled us over.
He looked down at me for what seemed like the longest time before he bent down and placed a small kiss on my lips then looked back up, “Ready for round three?” He asked before he crushed his lips onto mine.
He really knew how to knock my world out of wack.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Well it's all so overrated
You're not sayin' how you feel
So you end up watchin' chances fade
And wonderin' what's real
And I
Give it just a little time
I
Wonder if you realize
I've
Been waiting till i see it in your eyes
Breathe- Michelle Branch
You're not sayin' how you feel
So you end up watchin' chances fade
And wonderin' what's real
And I
Give it just a little time
I
Wonder if you realize
I've
Been waiting till i see it in your eyes
Breathe- Michelle Branch
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