“Hello?” I said into the phone.
It had been at least four hours since Trace left, and I had just gotten back from taking Kaden to his friends house.
“Hey sweetie, how’s your day going?”
“Hey mom, it’s going real good so far. Trace came by this morning.”
“Did he? I saw him the other day at the store and I told him that you moved back.”
“So that’s how he found out.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t call him and let him know.”
“I know I should have but I’ve been so busy.”
“I know. Listen the reason I was calling was because I have to work later than what I thought.”
So I guess you’re probably wondering what it is exactly that my mom does that keeps her working insane hours.
She’s a doctor at one of the hospitals in Memphis. She was a nurse when I was pregnant with Kaden, but ever since I was little she was putting herself through college and then Medical School. The graduated medical school when Kaden was one year old. She’s a pretty good doctor. She’s always been one of my greatest heroes. She’s the reason that I knew that I could raise my son on my own and still accomplish my dreams. I just had an extra person along for the ride to help me enjoy it.
“How much later?”
“Like I’m on call until tomorrow morning.”
“Mom, this is not healthy. You of all people should know that.”
“I know which is why I have the whole next week off. But anyway don’t wait up for me, and I’ll grab something to eat here, ok?”
I sighed. My mother was going to run herself ragged. Don’t let her age fool you. She and Lynn are the healthiest 54 year old women that I know. They don’t even look their age.
“Alright, but drink lots of coffee. Do you want me to bring you some Starbucks?”
“That sounds good, but I can get something from here, ok?”
“Alright. I love you.”
“I love you to sweetheart. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Alright, bye.” I said smiling as I hung up the phone.
How is it that I always find myself with a lot of free time and not a damn thing to do?
I put the phone back on the jack, and fell over backwards onto the couch, and sighed.
I heard the doorbell ring, and I flipped my legs over onto the couch and stood up.
“I come baring gifts.” I heard Justin say as I opened the door.
He was standing there with a large pizza-which smelled like pepperoni, and also happens to be my favorite-in one hand and a six pack of beer.
He really wasn’t going to let me live the beer thing down was he?
“Pizza and beer. I don’t want to sound easy or anything but I think you just won my heart, if not my stomach.” I said as I let him through.
He laughed, “I’ll keep that in mind. You still like pepperoni right?”
I smiled surprised that he remembered little things like that. “Always.” I said as I followed him into the kitchen.
He sat the pizza on the counter, and smiled at me. “You look cute.”
“Thanks, I guess.” I said as I sat down on the counter.
I really wasn’t trying to look cute; it was just something that I wear on a normal basis. I had on a thin gray ribbed sweater, a pair of dark denim jeans with spots or wear and tear. They were my favorite and I’ve had them for at least two years. I had actually worn them so much that the butt of my jeans was beginning faded and so were the legs. It looked like I bought them like that but really I didn’t. I had small holes in the thigh, and they were the most comfortable pair of jeans that I owned. Anyway, I had on little make up, and my hair was thrown up into a clip.
“Do you have any paper plates.”
I mentally kicked myself in the ass, “Damn I knew I forgot something yesterday. Uh, paper towels are over there if you want to use those.”
“Works for me.” He said as he walked over to the other counter and ripped off a couple of sheets. He walked back over and laid one down in front of me and laid a big slice of pizza on top of it.
I closed my eyes and inhaled the awesome aroma. “I haven’t had pizza in months.” I said grabbing the slice and taking a huge bite out of it.
“Months? I thought you lived for pizza?” He said sitting down beside me, as he grabbed a slice and bit into it.
“I do.” I said wiping my mouth as I chewed. I swallowed before I continued, “I’ve just haven’t grabbed a pizza for dinner in a while. Kaden is more of a Mexican, Chinese kind of guy.”
“How is he your son?”
“I don’t know. I’ve asked myself that question also. Although I do love Mexican and Chinese…nothing holds a candle to good ole Pizza.” I said looking at it as I took another bite.
“Where’s your mom and Kaden?” He asked as he opened a beer and handed it to me.
“Thank you.” I said as I accepted it. I took a drink and swallowed before I answered the rest of the question, “Mom is on call until this morning, and Kaden is staying at a friends house.”
“Home by yourself huh?”
“Yes I am.”
God this isn’t going to turn into a flirting war like it did last night is it?
“The last time you were home by yourself, and I was here with you we weren’t eating pizza.” He said smiling as he took another bite.
I shook my head to rid myself of any memory that would come into my mind. I decided not to reply to that remark and just took another drink of my beer. Thank god for beer.
“Do you remember that?”
I closed my eyes and opened them and took a bite of my pizza, “Yep.”
That was all I could say.
That night was possibly the best night that I had with a guy. Or weekend for that matter considering I was alone for a whole weekend.
That was also the weekend that could be marked as the weekend that I had the best sex of my life.
Even though I was fifteen nothing compared to that.
I may not have been able to get over Justin completely but I’ve had quite a few boyfriends. And none of them even measured up to Justin.
And here they were grown ass men getting compared to the sex that I had when I was fifteen. And the man that I remembered when he was a teenager.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have brought that up.”
“It’s ok.” I said wiping my hands on another napkin.
“Trace told me he came by and saw you today.”
I smiled, “Yeah he did. He shocked the hell out of me. I had been meaning to call him, but I’ve just been so busy.”
“You know we missed you a lot when you were in Georgia.”
“Really?”
Could have fooled me. At least Trace bothered to see how I was every once in a while.
That day that I saw Justin at the grocery store when I first moved back to Millington was the first time that I had talked to him since he left me in the airport.
“Yeah really. Of course I missed you.”
I bit my tongue. I wanted to say something but that would only lead to an argument. So I stayed silent.
“Listen I know you probably don’t believe me. But I thought about you everyday. I loved you, Keel.”
I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Besides he practically provoked me to say it.
“You thought about everyday? You loved me? Wow, you could have fooled me.” I said as I took a drink of my beer. I forcefully sat back down on the counter and turned to look at him and continued, “You could call everyone else, but you couldn’t call me? I had to hear how you were doing through Trace. Me, the person that you say you loved. The first time that I even heard you say my name since you left me crying my heart out in that damn airport was two weeks ago Justin! Two weeks ago after sixteen years.”
After a few moments of silence from both of us, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I said
“Is that how you really feel?”
Well there’s no use in denying it, “Yes.”
“Then don’t be sorry. I knew the other night when I tried to apologize you let me off a little too easy.”
“But I shouldn’t have gotten so angry with you.”
“Keel, you had every right.”
Why do I feel like such a hypocrite?
January 1998
I heard him groan as I pulled away from the kiss, “Justin do you have the condomns?” I asked as he began to work on kissing my neck.
I bit my lip and felt my eyes roll back in my head as his hand found my breast.
Think rationally, Keel, think rationally.
I kept telling myself that but the more he sucked on my neck and massaged my breast the more it was hard for me even TRY to think at all.
“Justin?”
“Hmm?” he mumbled against my neck making me shiver.
“Did you hear me?”
“Mmm hmm.” He mumbled again against my neck.
Rolling my eyes I grabbed his head and made him look me in the eyes, “Do you have the condoms?”
I saw him mentally kick himself in the ass, “No.”
Fuck, I thought to myself as sighed heavily. I laid my head back down on the back seat of the car.
“Baby, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing a cold shower won’t fix. I’m used to it with all our conversations on the phone.” I said as I laid my arm across my eyes.
He couldn’t be serious. This was the first chance that we’ve had to do to do anything since he’d been home for the holidays. And he’s been home since November 19.
He leaves tomorrow and its January 14.
Almost a month, and when you add on the other months that we’ve gone without each other that makes three.
“You know what, fuck it. We’ve come to far to stop now. Because a cold shower isn’t going to cure this.” I heard Justin say as he removed my arm from my eyes.
“So, it wouldn’t be the first time you had to use other means of curing that.” I said looking down at his pants.
That’s so not fair. Here I am in all my naked glory and he still has his pants on.
“No we’re going to do this. I promised you tonight, and you’re gonna have it.”
“Justin we have no protection and I’m not on birth control.”
I heard sigh, “So, we’ll just…deal with it.”
“Deal with it?”
“Yeah.”
“What if I end up pregnant?”
“Then you’ll be pregnant. Come on if we’re old enough to have sex then we’re old enough to own up to our responsibilities.”
He had a point. And besides it was only going to be one time. I mean I know it only takes one time, but come on what were the chances.
So I grabbed his face and pulled him down to mine. And we finished what we started.
But I knew I was really pushing my luck when we went up for round two. It was like I could already feel the change in my body.
Author's Chapter Notes:
It's like flyin' down some back road at midnight
With your eyes closed and the headlights off
Your life been searchin' everywhere
Can't find that feelin' anywhere
You're all I want, now all I want
I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.
A Feeling Like That- Gary Allan
With your eyes closed and the headlights off
Your life been searchin' everywhere
Can't find that feelin' anywhere
You're all I want, now all I want
I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.
A Feeling Like That- Gary Allan
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