I don’t know how long I sat there as I slowly drank my bottled water. I looked at the bar stool next to me and wondered just exactly what made me come here. It wasn’t like I was in any condition to drink and I wasn’t stupid enough to do so, just out of pity for myself.

I looked around the bar and saw the bottle of jack against the wall and smiled a little when I saw it was the same bottle we hadn’t finished with the sharpie mark next to the J of the Jack on the bottle.

Whipping my nose with a tissue I jumped when a hand was placed on my shoulder.

“Can I buy you a drink doll,” a man slurred and I shook my head.

“Come on doll,” he said sliding his hand down my left and holding it, shit of all days to get upset and throw my ring across the room as I left. I breathed out as I smelt the alcohol on his breath and shook my head again.

“Doll face, just one simple drink I mean no harm,” he said with a smile and I felt disgust go through my back as pulled my arm away from him and pushed him away from the bar as I said, “I said no, and don’t call me doll.” I saw him jump back in surprise and than as I turned back to the bar I heard him mumble something in the form of a curse word but that’s not what made me gasp.

Sitting back at his chair was none other than Justin and anyone could tell he was pissed, I could tell he couldn’t understand, I could see him looking at my stomach with a soft glance before he’s eyes landed on mine a dark blue that made me cringe.

“You know pregnant women shouldn’t be at a bar,” he said and I held my water up to which he just shook his head at and rolled his eyes.

I kept my mouth shut and I tried to stay angry at something so I wouldn’t cry, when I felt him stand up and come behind me.

“I’m not signing those damn papers,” he whispered in my ear.

I breathed in not quiet sure what to say.

“Are you even gonna talk to me anymore,” he questioned as he spun me around to face him.

“What is it that I have to say, you know everything,” I said and jumped when he placed his hands on my knees.

“Than I guess its my turn to talk than,” he told me as he pulled my arm up and took me by the hand as he lead me out of the bar and to the street.

We stood outside the bar and even though we hadn’t talked yet I could feel the tension rising between us.

I shivered after a second when the wind blew by for the second time and I felt Justin place his jacket on my shoulders, making me jump slightly at the contact.

“Don’t want you getting sick right now,” he mumbled as he moved away to sit on the bench near by and place his head in his hands.

I mumbled back a thank you as I saw him move away, I stood there for a second watching the cars as I finally started to, walked up to him jumping when he moved and looked at me.

I stopped walking and we stared at one another for a second.

“When did you know Nicole,” he asked staring at my stomach.

“After the doctor,” I said placing a hand to my stomach as I felt the tears build up in my eyes.

“Stomach bug,” he mumbled and looked towards the street and when I went to take a step forward towards him he looked back at me making me stop.

“Why’d you do it,” he asked and when I looked at him not quiet sure what he meant since I had done a lot of things in the past couple hours he breathed as he stood up and step up in front of me.

“Why did you sign it,” he asked.

I bit my lower lip and I felt the tears start to fall I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“Nicole, come on what’s going on,” I heard him ask as he placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Everything,” I whispered and opened my eyes to look at his and saw him look at me in question.

“You remember Tanner,” I asked and he nodded.

I bit my lip again pulling my head away from looking at him trying to make the tears stop, damn hormones I said to myself.

“He was your first love,” he asked and made me snap back to look at him before I nodded.

“You see, I know your not him and I know what we have is different but,” I stopped and looked away from him again before he placed his hand on my cheek and made me look at him.

“But your scared that something like it will happen with us,” he questioned.

“I don’t want to be, but I am,” I said.

“I’m scared too,” he said making me look at him funny till he explained.

“You see, sure I’ve had relationships but remember what I told you,” he asked.

“They all ended,” I asked and he nodded.

“You see, us what were doing the marriage and now this,” he said placing his hand gently on my stomach and looked up at me.

“This is all new territory, but I know one thing that stands above being scared about what could happen,” he said taking his other hand that was on my cheek and rubbing my temple.

“What,” I questioned.

“That we love each other, and that we believe in one another and we believe in this, or at least I do,” he said after a moment and looked down.

I looked at his curls as I felt his hand on my stomach, the one on my cheek moved to his side when he hung his head.

I took a breath, “ I do love you,” I said and I did. I don’t think I ever stopped as much as I tried to will myself to with the torment I put myself through over the last month trying to compare what we had to what Tanner and I had. I knew I still loved him, because if I hadn’t it would have hurt so much, it wouldn’t have made me feel empty the moment I realized I signed that paper.

“I know you do, I see it here,” he said taking his hand off my stomach and pointing it to my eyes.

“But,” I asked him.

“You don’t trust what we have, your still stuck with what Tanner did to you to realize what we do have, what we will have, will never ever be close to what you had with him, and what he did to you,” he explained as he slightly pulled away and turned towards the bench but didn’t walk away.

“Don’t make promises you cant keep,” I said softly and looked at him as he turned around.

“Promises,” he asked.

“Don’t promise you wont hurt me, you cant keep that,” I said.

“But I can, because I would never hurt you, I couldn’t, if I hurt you I’d hurt myself,” he spoke as he came closer to me.

“What if I’m scared that promises like that never stay true,” I asked him.

“Your scared it wont but do you believe it wont,” He asked placing his chin on my shoulder and held me and like any other time I felt safe again, I shook my head.

“I believe you wont hurt me, but I’m scared something will,” I started to say till his hand was placed back on my cheek.

“Nothing, Nicole, nothing and I say this and I want you to believe it, nothing will ever make me want to hurt you, nothing would ever make me want to risk, to ruin, to end what we have,” Justin said looking into my eyes.

“Than why did I,” I asked remember how I had left things a few hours ago.

“Because your chicken shit,” he said and I looked at him as he smiled at me slightly as I shook my head at his with wide eyes, as I took a breath.

“I’d never do the things that Tanner did to you, and I wish I could find him and kick his ass from here to the ends of the earth to let him know how big of douche he was,” Justin said and I smiled at him as I tears still fell from my face.

“I’m sorry I’m scared,” I said.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said taking my left hand in his right as his went towards his pants pocket and pulled out my ring, I tired to pull my hand away.

“Don’t Nic, you deserve this, we deserve this,” he said holding my hand still, as he ran his thumb against the top of it and placed my ring back on my ring finger where it belonged.

“I don’t deserve you,” I said softly as he held me and my hand.

“Yeah, ya do and its ok to be scared,” Justin said.

“Really,” I asked and watched him nod before he placed his head on my shoulder and took a breath.

“You remember when I spent the week away in Virginia beach and the week after we started planning the wedding again in the studio, and would fall asleep the minute I got home,” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said and he pulled his head away from my shoulder as his hands locked around my waist.

“That was my way of trying to hide from you,” he said and I closed my eyes with a smile and quiet chuckle and looking back at him I saw him smile, before he went to explain.

“You see, I knew you were pulling away from me, and I knew I was pulling away from you but I figured it was what was best for both of us at the time, I figured it was the way it was suppose to be, since that’s all my relationships do, is end,” he spoke as he held me.

“I was scared that what we had was suppose to work out, I was scared of what that meant because usually whenever things came to that point I could see myself without that person but with you I couldn’t,” he said ending in a whisper.

“So now that were both scared what do we do,” I asked.

“Lean on each other and know we’ll be alright,” he smiled and I smiled back he had been saying that all along.

“I mean it this time, were in this together, from now on no more secrets, no more meltdowns, and no more drama,” he said.

“Oh but baby you seem to forget,” I said and saw him raise his eyebrow at me as I took one of his hands from my waist and placed it on my stomach.

“We got a whole lot of drama headed our way,” I smiled.

“That kind of drama I like,” he said back making me laugh till he placed his forehead against mind.

“We ok now,” he asked and when I nodded he shook his head.

“Tell me, Nicole are we ok,” he asked again.

“Yeah, were gonna be ok,” I told him with a smile and giggled when he kissed my nose and than my mouth slightly and I felt him chuckle in his chest as I pulled him to me at that kiss, that for the first time in a long time I had finally gotten lost in.