“I didn’t kiss you cause I saw Ellen,” he said

Justin’s voice repeated in my subconscious as I opened my eyes the neck morning and felt Justin’s hand on my hip as his head rested just slightly on my shoulder and the pillow we shared.

He didn’t kiss me cause he saw Ellen, my mind finally comprehended.

I looked over at him still sleeping, it was early and he wouldn’t be up for awhile, but at that moment I couldn’t sleep no more as the actually meaning of that statement acquired to me.

I went to pull away when I got half way out of bed before I heard him speak, I guess he wasn’t really asleep.

“Its six in morning, on a Friday unless your going to restroom where are you going,” he questioned placing is hand on mine.

“I’m not tired anymore,” I lied as I went to get up but his fingers laced with mine and pulled me back as I moved to get up.

Looking back at him as my butt hit the bed when I tired to get up he just stared at me.

“What,” I asked.

“I was gonna ask you the same question,” he said making me sigh.

I leaned towards the night stand to take a drink of my water that I had gotten last night, I placed the water back on the table when I felt him pull me and being caught of guard I was pulled till I laid on top of him with a oomph of breath coming from his mouth.

“You pulled me,” I said giving him a look when I landed on him.

“You fell on me,” he said and I just rolled my eyes at him as I went to move but he held my hip with his free hand.

“Nicole talk to me,” he said.

I looked at him than and than looked at the pillow next to him, what was I suppose to say that my brain dense mind finally now connected what you said last night.

Taking a sigh I just place my head on his shoulder.

“I’m tired now,” I said closing my eyes.

Waiting for him to say something I was shocked when he let go of my hand and just placed his fingers in my hair and ran them through it and placed his other had that was on my hip against my lower back, and didn’t say a word.

--

When I woke up later I was by myself but the bed was still warm so I hadn’t been by myself long, turning over I jumped when I saw him sitting on the chair in the corner staring at me over his paper.

“Morning sleepy head,” he said than went back to his paper.

“What time is it,” I questioned as I stretched, feeling my body pull at sore muscles from the past couple days at work getting Mike’s line its place in the shop, as well as the up keep of more bussiness since people found out I married Justin.

“Almost eleven, did you want to go get some brunch,” he asked as I sat up in the bed and rubbed my hand through my hair.

I just shrugged as my ring got caught in a knot and pulled till came out with slight pain, I felt him stare at me as I looked the other way. Biting my lip I knew I should say something I knew that it was better that I didn’t than keep it inside.

“Are you gonna talk to me about yesterday or not,” he asked placing his paper down.

I looked up at him in question and he chuckled a bit, “I saw you staring at my lips this morning before you decide not to talk to me and I figured you probably realized what I had said,” He explained as he stood up and sat down next to me.

“Than why,” I asked.

“Why what,” Justin asked and I looked up at him slightly annoyed.

“What did you kiss me,” I questioned and jumped when he moved till he hovered in front of me.

“Why not,” he questioned coming closer to me and I laid down trying to get away, but I guess that’s what he had planned as he crawled up over me and his legs rested on either side of mine. His hands placed on the mattress on either side of my shoulders.

“Justin, we.. I ,” I could think of anything to say.

I felt him lower his body closer to mine till he barley supported himself with his elbows that now were on the mattress as his fingers on his left hand ran up and down my neck.

I bit my upper lip than my lower lip, I couldn’t do this it was wrong and as much as I had said we wouldn’t end as much as I didn’t want to hurt him, I knew this, us we wouldn’t last this wasn’t real, I couldn’t let myself get caught into whatever it was, whatever this happening right now was.

My mind flashed to Tanner, and even if it was real, I could risk that happening again.

“Justin, stop get off I can’t,” I said pushing at him and sitting up but before I could move totally off the bed, his arm rapped around my waist and held me against him as his head rested on my shoulder.

“I’m not gonna make you do anything, you don’t want to Nicole,” he said to my ear.

I bit my lower lip and breathed for a second, not make me do anything yea right that was a lie.

“You’re a fucking lair,” I said and he jumped as I tore my body away from him and the bed.

“Not gonna make me do anything he says,” I mocked as I turned to look at him.

“You choose to keep this together,” I said showing him my left ring finger.

“YOU FUCKING CHOOSE, NOT ME,” I shouted.

“Nicole I,” Justin started getting up to talk till I pushed him down and took the ring on my finger off and looked at it, the one I had always wanted, the one that had lost all its meaning now.

“No, I’m done Justin you keep saying this is about us, but its not I never had to deal with this much work at the store this much media attention, I had to buy fucking drapes for my store so I wouldn’t see flashs coming in every time I had to talk to a client or a employee, my life and my reputation changed cause I went along with this, not yours, if anything yours only got better, I get rude comments from strange women because they think I stole you from them, I thought they were phsyco at first, but you know what’s even more crazy,” I asked him but he just stared.

“That I even let myself get this far in,” I said and turning to go to the closest I let the ring fall from my grasp as I picked up a empty suitcase that hadn’t been put away and pulled it to the doorway and went straight for my side and started pulling stuff off hangers and shoved them into the bag, not caring when hangers flew and one hit me in the head.

“Its MY FAULT,” I heard him growl from the doorway but I didn’t look up, I continued to put clothes in my bag till he pulled me away from them and pushed me to look at him.

“Who gave me the ten after our first game was up,” he said looking at me with eyes almost dark as steal.

“Who started the game,” I countered and heard him grunt under his breath.

“Fuck, don’t you see Nicole this was both of us,” he said throwing his hand in the air.

“Maybe when I was drunk,” I said sarcastically as I went to move and continue to pack but Justin grabbed me and held me even when I fought him.

“Would you let me go,” I said with a cry as he placed my arms to my sides and held my sides too.

“Look at me,” he said as I looked anywhere but.

“LOOK AT ME,” he growled making me jump and finally do so.

“If you were drunk if that was all it was, than why did you care about my repuation about my life, why didn’t you say anything when I said this was how it was gonna have to be, for the best for both of us,” Justin challenged he wanted to say I cared, in at least some way, because he knew it was true.

My eyes shift for a second before turning to look at him as I took a breath through my nose and made a noise like Marge Simpson would when she was frustrated at Homer.

“If you were drunk,” he stated a second later looking me straight in my eyes.

“Why did you say we wouldn’t end, why did you kiss me back,” he said.

I felt my heart beat faster as I didn’t say anything as I felt his heart beat a little faster too.

Why did I kiss him back, I don’t know it was instinct I guess, why did I said what I said, even if I was drunk at the time.

“Justin, I don’t know, I,” when I went to explain how I like had said earlier a couple weeks ago. I just didn’t know what I was doing. But before I could his lips crashed on to mine, I tired to fight to get out what I wanted to say but his lips wouldn’t let me get a word out, and I started to kiss him back forgetting what was really the point anymore and as we kissed his hands let mine go as his hands were placed on either side of my face as he held my face and deepened the kiss.

I hadn’t realized we were going anywhere till I felt my body press up against the back wall of the closet, my leg moved to the side when his moved between mine and pressed his body fuller up agasint mine pushing his hips in a roll against mine as I played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

We kissed till we couldn’t breath and only pulled apart enough far enough to catch our breathes as he leaned his head on my shoulder.

“Justin,” we heard his mom call from the hallway, she was leaving tomorrow, but right now she was coming towards us. “Shit,” I heard him curse and felt his breath on my throat at the same time he let me go, but than pulled me out of the closest by his hand and shutting the closet door, as we walked into the room at the same time Lynn did.

“You guys ok,” she asked looking at us with a smirk.

“Yea yea, just cleaning out the closet,” Justin said making Lynn laugh but stop when she saw what I was eyeing on the floor.

Watching her pick up my ring, being closer she smiled as she handed it to me, “Don’t want to loose that do we,” she said.

“No, no,” I said taking it and placing it back on my finger as Justin watched us before he shook his head and said, “You were calling me,” he asked.

“Yea I wanna take Nicole out here, I was gonna ask if you knew where she was and well obiviously,” she said as she waved and than took my hand and pulled me closer to her than Justin.

“You wanted to take her out,” he asked with a eyebrow raise.

“Ya, talk, shop, ya know women stuff,” she said making him groan.

“Fine fine, go have fun,” he said and when I looked at him and he took my hand and squeezed it and wiggled my ring back and forth and squeeze my hand again before he let go and I was taken away by Lynn for what I knew was a day of a mother telling me what she wants best for her son, and in the end since this whatever it was she caught us in wasn’t real, it wasn’t me that was best.